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Be Sure To Drink Your Ovaltine

hijinks-ensue-edward-shirt-160There is an entire narrative in my head where Ralphie’s dad comes in during the middle as Gny. Sgt. Hartman berating him while wielding a shard of leg lamp and a can of Simonize, then catches a fatal BB to the gut. Can’t wait for tomorrow when at least one cable channel will be running A Christmas Story back to back for 24 hours. I usually just set the station in the morning and let it run throughout the festivities like so many unleashed Bumpus hounds.

This will be the last comic for the week, but there will be at least a couple more before the end of the year. Here’s hoping Santa brings each of you the firearm of your heart’s desire and not a stupid football.

FA-RA-RA-RA-RAH  RA RA RA RAAAAAAH!


Triumph Of The Usurper

QUICK NOTES:

hijinks-ensue-edward-shirt-160I wonder if George Lucas went into Avatar thinking, “Heh, I’ll see Jimmy Cameron’s new movie. I’m sure it’ll be good for a laugh, but we ALL know who the reigning champ of 100% wooden digital characters is.” Oh, Georgie Georgie Georgie, you fat necked lummox. If Cameron can create CG characters with realistic human emotions and less than ridiculous accents, then why can’t you? Maybe he’ll teach a class at a community college next year and you can enroll. The funny thing is that Cameron  waited nearly 12 years until technology caught up with his vision, so Avatar could look the way he saw it in his head. Lucas, on the other hand, made 2 awesome movies (and a third crappy one), then waited 20 years until technology caught up to his vision to digitally ruin them with pointless bullshit.

I’m trying to save my full on Avatar review for the next HE Podcast, but let’s just say I was thoroughly entertained and impressed. [UPDATE! The Podcast is posted and we talk about Avatar for nearly half the show.] A lot of people are complaining that the story and writing take a back seat to the visuals, but else do you expect? James Cameron already used three of the dimensions making the movie beautiful, so of course there’s only one dimension left for everything else. Seriously, if you leave that movie and find yourself complaining rather than drooling for more you might as well sign up for the junior executive program at FOX because your heart has probably been replaced by a hate-filled pineapple.

I could very easily rant for pages and pages about how visually stunning the 3D was, how lifelike the motion captured performances were or how engrossed I was in the fictional world that Jame Cameron created but I’d rather just say this: the reason I know Avatar was well deserving of my (and your) entertainment time and money was that I left the theater asking questions. What are the far reaching implications of this characters actions? How will the final outcome affect Earth? How will it affect those already in transit to the planet (since it’s a 6 year ride)? Are there other inhabited worlds? Was the end really THE END? The list goes on and on. I don’t often find my curiosity so peaked over fiction without substance. Take from that what you will, but at least ignore the hype and approach Avatar with an open (if not childlike) mind.

Cat-People Scratch Fever

Alternate Title: Blue-ty Call

Why send in all the blue-cat hybrid clones, mech warriors, and hover tanks and such when you could just hire Tony Stark to fly in and repulsor ray the shit out of the Navi and secure Pandora’s rich mineral deposits for the good ol’ US of Earth (while simultaneously securing a little alien strange for himself)? Seems like a waste of resources and a waste of an opportunity to pick up some cool offworld venereal diseases.

I am at a fanboy crossroads. I really can’t decide if I want to go through all the effort of getting a baby sitter this weekend just so I can see Jame’s Cameron’s 3 hour, 3D eye-splode Avatar, or if I just want to stay home and watch the Iron Man 2 trailer over and over and over and over and over. Both prospects are equally exciting to me.

I probably will see Avatar this weekend (and also do the Iron Man 2 thing), but since I havn’t yet feel free to post your thoughts/judgments in the comments. Future of film making or forgettable fluorescent feline frenzy?

SHIPPING UPDATE!!!
If you ordered an Edward shirt on Dec 2nd, 3rd or 4th we are doing everything possible to get your shirt to you by 12/24. Some of them probably won’t make it in time. We’re doing our best.

Solid Gone

SHIPPING UPDATE!!!
Any (non-Topatoco) shirts you order from the HE Store now will absolutely not arrive by Dec. 24th. I just want to be clear about that.

The goal is to have every US shirt ordered by Dec 4th arrive by Dec. 24th. That’s what the shipping deadline says on the order page and everyone involved is doing their best to make that promise a reality. There is a possibility that some of the shirts ordered late on Dec 4th will not arrive by Dec. 24th. Any shirt orders (this applies to ALL HE SHIRTS THAT ARE NOT SHIPPED FROM TOPATOCO) placed after Dec 4th probably will not arrive by Dec. 24th. The Edward shirt orders were simply unexpected and overwhelming, hence the early cut off for holiday shipping. Thanks!

Now that Josh and I are essentially a new species, I’ll give you one guess as to who tries to initiate the mating ritual.

Star Trek Voyager fans will recognize this comic as an homage to what may be the stupidest episode they ever produced, “Threshold.” That’s the one where in between court marshalls, demotions and time in the brig, Tom Paris realizes he’s the greatest genius who ever lived and develops a method for traveling faster than Warp 10. Unfortunately the main side effects of existing simultaneously in all points in space and at every point in time past, present or future is kickstarting your own personal evolution into high gear, and a bad case of acid reflux. Naturally humans evolve into scabby, tongueless monsters and eventually into catfish-faced nematodes.

Non-Voyager fans can enjoy the fact that Real Life Josh did install an SSD into his Macbook Pro and now it instantly dual-boots into our dimension and 7 others, and the battery level indicator has stopped counting down all together and eventually started counting up. Right now instead of a percentage remaining it just keep flashing prime numbers. I think it’s attempting to communicate.

Dragon’s Lair Webcomics Rampage!

Thank you to everyone that came out and said hi last weekend at Dragon’s Lair Comic and Fantasy in Austin, TX. I think all the cartoonists were in a agreement that it was a fantastically fun time. Special thanks to Alison for coordinating the event and running the 2 most entertaining panels I have ever been a part of. The panels were videoed, so hopefully they will be available in some internet fashion at some point. I had a blast. I really enjoy the opportunity to meet readers face to face and personally welcome new Fancy Bastards into the fold.

I also enjoy the way regular people stare incessantly at 10 or 15 webcartoonists while we eat Tex-Mex. Between Danielle and Christi pining for the nearest titty bar, Jeph proclaiming that Texas owes it’s independence to a mulatto prostitute and Randy telling us all how one of his early ancestors stabbed a priest, robbed the church then burned it to the ground we had even the “keep Austin weird-est” people choking on their flautas. I think we officially changed the slogan to “keep Austin worried.”

EDWARD SHIRT SHIPPING UPDATE:
The goal is to have every US shirt ordered by Dec 4th arrive by Dec. 24th. That’s what the shipping deadline says on the order page and everyone involved is doing their best to make that promise a reality. There is a possibility that some of the shirts ordered late on Dec 4th will not arrive by Dec. 24th. Any shirt orders (this applies to ALL HE SHIRTS THAT ARE NOT SHIPPED FROM TOPATOCO) placed after Dec 4th probably will not arrive by Dec. 24th. The Edward shirt orders were simply unexpected and overwhelming, hence the early cut off for holiday shipping. Thanks!