Momma! I Traded The Polar Bear For Magic Beans!

NEW SHIRT! NEW SHIRT! THE BEST SHIRT I’VE EVER MADE!!!

Science Fiction TV-Movie Title Generator T-Shirt @Topatoco!!!

There is also a PRINT of this design too!

This particular volume of “Tales Of the Enchanted Island Where Extremely Coincidental Things Happen All The Time For No Particular Reason, As It Turns Out” presents a difficult challenge to the reader. The first three chapters are actually in the middle of the book. After reading one page of Chapter 1, you have to go back 3 chapters and read one page from Chapter Negative 1. You alternate this way until you get to Chapter 4 (which is the 7th chapter), at which point you alternate reading one page from Chapter 4 and one page from the final chapter of the book. I can’t remember what you do for Chapter 5. Maybe you just skip it. Then for Chapter 6 you alternate reading one page from Chapter 6 and another page from the 6th Chapter of a completely different book. Any book. Reader’s choice.

[Observant HE readers will note that this is my 2nd attempt at this particular metaphor. I think I’ve ironed out most of the kinks and have a good working theorem here.]

Side Note: Soul Hole is my Sexual Chocolate cover band.

Unwavering Devotion

Josh doesn’t actually know what the character on his posterior really means, but if he shows it at the China Dragon Palace he gets a half priced buffet on Tuesdays. Which begs the question, why is he pulling his ass out in Chinese restaurants?

QUICK NEWS!

There’s a new “Godspeed, You Fancy Bastard” shirt in the store.
It looks like I am going to be at San Diego Comic Con 2010 with Topatoco!
Check out the guest appearance of “Edward” in today’s Unshelved.

“Tudykery,” not to be confused with the similarly named, holiday time bird carcass nesting doll, is the quality by which Alan Tudyk makes things better (or at least tolerable) simply by being a part of them. This “human bacon bits” quality is the only reason I was able to get through the first few episodes of V and convince myself it wasn’t horrifically boring. Then they killed him off and the veil of mediocrity was lifted. How to do you make an alien lizard people invasion boring?

Still, there is the issue of “The Browncoat Contract,” by which I mean the obligation of the Firefly/Serenity faithful to give every show or movie featuring one of our bright, shiny stars a more than fair chance. It was this obligation that made me watch Nathan Fillion’s Drive. All 4 episodes of it. And Adam Baldwin‘s short lived The Inside. This same obligation caused many of you to tune in for Jewel Staite in SyFy’s Mothman. My condolences. The kind of made-for-TV scifi garbage that would usually require you to drink a gas can full of ether and Yoohoo to sit through must be given a free pass because the cute space mechanic is the one running from the CG monster that looks like it was created with a Speak’n Spell hooked up to a George Foreman grill.

Luckily for us, there is an escape clause. Once the Firefly veteran’s new show takes off, you are no longer under contract. For instance, both Chuck and Castle are successful shows. My super bonus TV watching ability’s are not required to save them from cancelation since “the normals” are watching it too.

The worst part about the Contract is that it forces me to watch shows that I already know are going to be awful just so I can feel like I am doing my part to support the actors. Have you seen the promos for Summer Glau’s new show The Cape? It’s about a disgraced cop that decides to be Batman. Sounds cool, right? Well, he spends most of his time hanging out with carnies and magicians, so… just watch the promos. Holy lowered expectations, Cape Man!

You Completely Infuriate Me

Iron Man 2 was crazy awesome fun times with robot suits though there were a few scenes from the trailer that I wish had made it into the movie. Namely the “you complete me” scene as noted above and the longer version of Black Widow strangling a security guard with her labia.

Hot From The Forge: A Guide To Iron Man 2’s Deleted Scenes

Sorry I haven’t posted a comic since Sunday, but I’ve spent the last 48 hours on the couch with vertigo and headaches. I have a condition called Menier’s disease which presents as extreme vertigo and nausea. Luckily my case isn’t very severe at all and attacks only come on a few times a year (usually more when I’m incredibly stressed). Anyway, thanks for not badgering me about comic updates.

I just realized last night that Heroes Con is only 3 weeks away. For some reason in my head “next month” seemed like longer than 3 weeks. Now I’m a little panicky, as I always am before cons because there are hotels to book, and books to ship and ships to hotel, etc, etc. If anyone in Charlotte, NC wants to put me up for the weekend (June 4-6) please email me. It would be helpful if you were near the convention center and also not super creepy. (Update: I’ve got a hotel and some roommates now, so it’s all taken care of)Continue reading→

SUPR8 Or Die

No amount of Reese’s Pieces will stop him from cutting a swath of snarling destruction through Ohio. That’s why we have gathered this elite team of scientists, engineers and choclatiers to construct the largest Reese’s Piece the world has ever known… and smash him to death with it.

[NEW LoFijiNKS PODCAST!!! / Follow me on Twitter / Make a DONATION and get access to THE VAULT]

If you didn’t see the trailer for J.J. Abrams Super 8 before Iron Man 2 this weekend, I can only assume you didn’t see Iron Man 2 this weekend which must also mean that you are recently deceased. My condolences to your family.

Anyway, the trailer for Super 8 leaked online about 4 seconds after the first midnight IM2 showing but has sense been scrubbed from the YourTubes. As of this exact moment you can still find it HERE (and elsewhere I am sure). Not much to report at this point other than, “looks neat, show me more”.

Regarding my “theory” above, 1979 is 4 years before the events of E.T. The Extraterrestrial so the timeline is perfect. Also you would be remiss to ignore the classic SciFi trope in which the first horrible alien we me (original E.T.) is just a baby, and it’s the momma horrible alien (our locomotively incarcerated friend up there) you really have to worry about. Post your thoughts and theories in the comments!

UPDATE: ‘Super 8’ Teaser Gets Official Release, Some Secret Site Garbage Already Happening

“BOO” PRINTS [based on THIS COMIC] AVAILABLE IN THE STORE NOW!

Expertly colored by Silkspinner from Complex Actions, who you may also remember from THIS GUEST COMIC.

$15 + shipping.
Printed at 11″X17″ on high quality stock.
Suitable for framing.

Don’t Shoot An Exploding Arrow Into The Messenger

When Burma is overrun with roving bands of unarmed civilians and children, there is only one man they can call. John Rambo will indiscriminately blow up everyone and everything until there is nothing left, and then he will go home. No questions asked. Also sometimes he will use a knife, but his knife also makes people blow up. He’s just that good.

“BOO” PRINTS [based on THIS COMIC] AVAILABLE IN THE STORE NOW!

Expertly colored by Silkspinner from Complex Actions, who you may also remember from THIS GUEST COMIC.

$15 + shipping.
Printed at 11″X17″ on high quality stock.
Suitable for framing.

If you enjoy HE and and would like to show your support for the comic or The Experiment, please consider getting a book or shirt in the store or making a donation.

[Edward shirts now at Topatoco!]