In Loving Memory

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“The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here!

HEY! Here’s a dumb thing I thought of on the couch last night. Heading off to see Bridesmaids with Josh. I hear it’s really good. Like sort of a “Lady Hangover” but not just for ladies. If this movie is a hit can we start calling it The Hangovaries?

Commenters: What other tattoos does Batman have? What about other super heroes? You figure Robin has to have a tramp stamp. The way he shakes that little ass around. Yeah, he knows what he’s doing.

Sn Sn

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“The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here!

It has been said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. But when you are talking about far-too-realistic CGI humans, it is the teeth that reveal the hollowness within. It is the mouth, the lips and the tongue that take your mind from pleasant delight to abject horror. Sure, you might want to take the Polar Express to Santa’s Village, but as soon as that conductor utters, “All aboard,” you realize it’s a one way train to nightmare junction. You want to make a successful CGI animated film with biologically accurate humans? I have one word for you: mutes. Everyone is a mute. Think of how amazing Tron: Legacy would have been had CGI Jeff Bridges just kept his terror-mouth shut. I mean… when he talked, that shit was just chilling – unsettling. Seeing these digital doplegoblins speak just sets you ill at ease. Like if an unfamiliar 80 year old wisp of a woman in a wheelchair suddenly grabs your wrist and hisses, “Can I touch your haaairrrrr? I used to have sssuch pretty haaairrrr.” That shit will stone cold turn your spine to ICE!

Thanks to Gordon for tweeting something that made me think of this comic.

Conspiracy

Ovipositor Shirts ONLY $11!!! Last Chance Probably Forever!!!

“The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here!

Alternate Title: Look, Up In The Sky. It’s A Flightless, Tightless Bird!
Alternate Mad Magazine Title: The Red-Blue BLECH!

Ten years later and all I have to say is, “Fuck you Smallville. Fuck you right in the eye.” I posted something on Twitter about how watching the series finale of Smallville was like taking your last, tar-filled drag on the day they stopped making cigarettes. I think that about sums it up. I’ve always know it was bad for me, and no good could come from it. I knew that I was hurting myself and, more importantly, the ones I loved by indulging in such a self-destructive habit week after week. The only way I was able to break free of its toxic hold on my life was to surrender the choice to a higher power. Namely the CW executives that cancelled the show. They have cut off the supply chain for this particular brand of poison and relieved me of the need for personal courage or strength. I am still a broken shell of a man, but at least I can’t continue to feed the monkey on my back. His banana boat has sailed… Ok, that metaphor was pretty weak, but you get the point.

I was going to write something about how you shouldn’t mourn Smallville (even for the guilty pleasure) in the same way you don’t mourn the passing of someone who’s been ravaged by cancer for a decade. When the end comes you are just happy they aren’t suffering any more. Then I realized Smallville wasn’t the patient… I was. Smallville was the disease. Then I got sad. Then I ate some cookies. There was a whole shame-spiral thing.

Regarding the above comic: The timeline is pretty weird right? I mean I know it’s a total coincidence, by damn. Two great evils, two pock marks on our nation, filling our hearts and minds with fear, existing side by side for almost exactly the same ten year span. That shit is bizarre.

Another thing: My friend Sam revealed his next, groundbreaking project in this blog post, which I had a small part in creating at TCAF. It is both terrifying and your new favorite internet thing.

COMMENTERS: We are talking about doing an All-Smallville podcast this week. Sort of a soul-colonic to rid our bodies of the toxins left by a decade of exposure to radioactive sadness. If you have topics or questions you would like addressed in the comments, feel free to post them there. Otherwise, feel free to post anything you like about Smallville in general or the finale. Finale spoilers are fine. This is a safe place.

!!!COMMENTS MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR THE SMALLVILLE SERIES FINALE!!!

Baby We Were Born To Run For The Border

Thus endith my week of comics, non-comics and comic-like entities dealing with my trip to Canada. The above comic is a 98% true account (with a +/- 2% margin of exaggeration) of my border crossing experience.

NEWT FOR PRESIDENT!!! GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU BITCH!!!

The Canadian border official treated us like human beings, who were welcomed into his country and encouraged to spend our bland, greenish monies at their many fine establishments. He did want to make sure that we were attempting to procure gainful Canadian employment surreptitiously, but he was never anything but polite. He even laughingly commented about how there seemed to be a lot of people coming over for the comic con.

The US border agent treated us like terrorists. Worse, he treated us like our faces were dusted with cocaine, our pockets were brimming with knock-off boner pills, and our trunk was bulging with far too many severed torsos. All of his questions were accusatory, his tone was immediately angry and he was a fucking asshole. Let me remind you that we were trying to re-enter our OWN country. Next time I drive back into the US from Canada I’m just going to have my dick’n balls out. Just right on my lap. When the border agent asks me a question, I’ll point southward and politely ask that he address all inquiries to The Captain.

TCAF 2011 Fancy Photo Comic Part 2

Where as the previous photo comic dealt with the party times bookending TCAF 2011, this one details absolutely everything that happened during the actual 2 day show. All of it! Not a detail omitted. It’s like you are living it RIGHT NOW!

I have tabled with Sam “Fuzzy” Logan twice now, and each time I seem to find new and more ingenious ways to mess with the stuff he is trying to sell to people. WAY TO GO ME! USA! USA! If you have not read Sam And Fuzzy, I suggest you fix your problem now (see what I did there?). If you need convincing, the comic is about a couple of dudes that inherit an ancient clan of ninjas and try to use them for good instead of assassination purposes. Also there is a vampire named Edwin who thinks the way to a girl’s heart is through her bedroom window while she is sleeping. Good stuff.

I can’t say much about the female Questionable Jeph cosplayer at TCAF, other than that she owes me one boner because upon seeing her, mine exploded.

Hey, look down at he bottom! It’s Angela again! If my carry-on bag was a Pokeball, she would be here in my dojo now. Alas, she has returned to Vancouver, or “Little Cold Hollywood” as the locals call it.

I hope you enjoyed the photo comics this week. I know it’s not typically what you come here for, but I enjoy making them and sharing them with you.