How To Find Your Star Wars Name

Here’s another resurrected and recolored FANEURYSM comic. As I explained here, there are a few FANEURYSM comics that I don’t want to allow to slip into the void of the Internet’s hazy memory, and that fit in nicely with the aesthetic of Sharkzpode.

George Lucas is a hack, Star Wars is garbage, KILL YOUR IDOLS KILL YOUR IDOLS KILL YOUR IDOLS!!! I do gotta admit that new soccer-ball-with-a-head robot from the commercials is pretty dang cute.

Have you seen my store? NO!? GO THERE! SEE IT! GIVE IT YOUR MONEY AND IT WILL GIVE UNTO YOU SUCH TREASURES! OH SUCH TREASURES IT WILL GIVE!

Have you seen my wife’s geeky jewelry store, Science & Fiction? She’s got necklaces and earrings based on Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Star Wars, The Fibonacci Sequence, DNA, Pac-Man and lot’s more. CHECK. IT. OUT.

Order From Chaos Theory

And due to John Hammond’s greatest innovation, the Skull-encased Remote Detonated Dinosaur Head Bomb, there was never a single problem at Jurassic Park. In fact, it hasn’t been closed a single day since it opened in 1993. There has only been one death on the island since the park’s inception. Unfortunately, on his first day of work, an I.T. worker named Dennis Nedry fell face first into a 6 foot tall mound of Triceratops turds and suffocated… on dinosaur poop. And when you think about it, that’s a pretty amazing way to die. I mean, he’s probably the first guy ever to die that way. Anywho, I’m sure he was great and we’re all super blah blah for his loss or whatever. Bottom line: Head Bombs keep everything running smooth. Samuel L. Jackson even still has all his original arms.

Comics have been slow this week, because my friend Stepto* fell into a coma on Monday, and I haven’t really felt like being funny or creative since then.

His prognosis was not good, but last night (06/11) he started responding to voices. I am trying to cling onto that as a sign of hope and eventual recovery, but he is still very far from out of the woods. His family has incurred significant expenses for travel and lodging to be by his side, not to mention his medical bills. They have set up a crowd funding campaign to help alleviate that burden HERE. If you can spare anything for one of the kindest, most enthusiastic and genuine people I have ever had the privilege of calling my friend, please do so. If you would like to share any words of support with his friends or family, we are tweeting with the hashtag #ArmyOfSteptos.

*Stepto was the original director for policy and enforcement (THE BANHAMMER) for Xbox Live, and now he works with a hacker advocacy group to strengthen the security of the Internet that you are on right now.

One Star

When you get bad service, it is your duty as a responsible consumer and a citizen of Earth to warn others. It’s just good manners. Here’s another one from a concerned and conscientious customer:

Bengie’s Boat Rental and Bate Shop

2 Stars

I would have loved to rate this establishment higher, but the unhelpful, combative staff and their “the customer is always wrong” policies just made it impossible. I simply cannot recommend this Fuck Club/24 Hour Horse Tranquilizer Rave to anyone in the Kink community. And I know the manager reads these reviews, so here’s a question, Bengie: If it’s NOT a fetish club, then how come there’s scuba gear hanging all over the walls, HUH?! Explain that one, smart guy.

Singing My Nine Lives With His Words

The popular quantum physics thought experiment, Schrodinger’s Cat, goes thusly: Schrodinger would lock himself in a room with his cat, then pick it up and scream the theme from Magnum P.I. into his face (using only the word “kitty” of course). Now, until someone opened the door and observed Schrodinger’s face, it existed in both clawed off and not-clawed off but let’s face it probably clawed off states simultaneously.

Sharksploders: You do weird shit to your cats, right? C’mon. Of course you do.

Deus ExPLAIN That, Why Don’t Ya?

It felt really good to draw some robots today. I mean, I do enjoy drawing my HijiNKS ENSUE characters, but none of them really have tank treads for legs. Wait… yeah, none of them do. Not yet. I think it’s comforting to know that 10,000 years after The Machine War, when humanity isn’t even a memory, people (artificial or otherwise) will still be arguing about dumb shit.

Special thanks to Sharksploder @donaltdelay for inspiring the “abacus” line over twitter.

Wednesday June 3 was my birthday and, as tradition demands, my “birthday” encompasses the week before and two weeks after the actual date of my birth. Who am I to buck tradition? A guy with a 3 week and one day long birthday, that’s who! If you would like to make me VERY happy, and you aren’t interested in things like becoming a Patron, donations or Amazon wishlists, how about you SHARE THE FUCK out of this comic (or any of the other comics)? Pretty please? Let’s get some more Sharksploders in these comic infested waters.

SHARKSPLODERS: Which other designers of products, systems and websites belong in SUPER HELL? How about the guy that invented the phone tree at your internet service provider?