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The Reason For The Season

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic]

Put the Krampus back in Krampusnacht! I demand my crazy holiday beliefs receive equal commercial exposure! Keep your horn of plenty, because Krampus has horns o’plenty! Wait, I think that last one was more about Thanksgiving! STRIKE THAT ONE, but pay the necessary attention to the first two! OPINIONS!

It’s a sign of the degeneration of our culture that more people aren’t aware of Krampus. Much less aren’t strangled by fear of him year ’round. There are shocking similarities between Santa Claus and the exalted cloven hoofed one. They both have sacks that deal with children, they both have more hair than the average person, they both have 18″ red tongues, though santa’s is generally hidden by his beard, and they both live in remote lairs that the average child would not be able to find their way home from, were they dragged there in a sack.

You have a few days left. Please start saying “Beware Krampus” to any and all people you encounter, regardless of the situation. And do report back with your findings.

COMMENTERS: Have you encountered any “you should really be greeting me in the holiday salutation of MY preference instead of YOURS” type of situations? Any that stick out as particularly ridiculous? Alternately, please insert Krampus into the Christmas movie of your choice. Perhaps Tim Allen could have starred in The Krampus Clause? Or children might dread their annual viewing of How the Grinch Supported Krampusnacht. Spoilers: he was in favor of the beatings. Don’t do anything with that one where Michael Keaton was reincarnated as a snowman. That was terrifying enough as is.

“You there, boy. What day is it?”

“Today, sir? Why it’s Krampusnacht.”

“Then it’s not too late! Here, boy, take this and run to the butcher! Buy the fattest goose they have and take it to the Cratchet house! Paint it’s blood over their door and drape its entrails across their threshold! Leave the carcass as an offering to Krampus! No Cratchet child shall be tossed in a sack this night!”

How It’s Laid

Team Edward James Olmos shirt, Funny geeky shirt, parody, battlestar galactica, twilight, team edward, team jacob

OMG FOR THE LOVE OF KRAMPUS, CAN WE PLEASE MAKE #howitslaid A THING?! PLEASE?! It’s all I want for Christmas. 

Earlier this week I was live tweeting an episode of How It’s Made where, from the sounds of it, they were either hand-crafting horse saddles or reanimating Frankenstein’d leather daddies:

“He inserts the bushing in the center hole.” #howitslaid
“The seat area gets one last leather buildup.” #howitslaid
“He glues leather around the base of the horn, an area called the swells.” #howitslaid
“This makes it smooth so it won’t chafe the horse or the rider.”#howitslaid

Man, my nipples are getting pierced just thinking about all of that. [Thanks to @d20monkey for coming up with the hashtag. Go read his comic.]

COMMENTERS: Let’s just go ahead and keep this about unintentional dick jokes, preferably from show like How It’s Made, since they are so often discussing things like shafts and flanges and obvious dong-analogies and what not. Those dirty birds. Any episodes that really stuck out as offenders? I should mention how much I really do LOVE that show. Dick jokes not withstanding (is THAT a dick joke?), what’s the most interesting thing you’ve learned from How It’s Made or shows like it? I thought it was crazy when I found out they froze soapy water inside trombones so they could bend the bend the tubing without kinking it… [snicker snicker].

Unhitched

Buy my book. Buy my book. BUY MY BOOK!

BUY HIJINKS ENSUE BOOKS IN THE HIJINKS ENSUE SHOP!

Why is Joel reading a newspaper? 

Perhaps you remember the treatment that Steve Jobs, a Buddhist, had at the hands of the editorial cartoonists of America. Yesterday, upon learning of Christopher Hitchens’ untimely death, my friend Josh Cagan commented via twitter:

“That sound you hear is every editorial cartoonist shitting a brick, realizing they can’t draw Hitchens at the pearly gates.”

To which I replied:  “the second sound is them doing it anyway because, hey, fuck it.”

I’m sure a lot of you didn’t agree with Hitch’s politics or views on religion, but I hope you can all at least respect that he wanted to see humanity evolve beyond the constraints of fear and doubt and better ourselves through a greater understanding of ourselves and the universe around us.

COMMENTERS: If you find anyone that actually makes a “Hitch and St. Peter” comic, please link it in the comments so I can be sad. If you find anyone that does something clever with the idea, please link that as well. If you have a favorite Hitch quote, story or a link to tribute or article, please feel free to link that as well. Please please please PLEASE do not start a religious or political flame war in the comments. Anyone doing that will be banned.

Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage 2011 Fancy Photo Comic Part 2

Funny T-Shirts, Geeky shirts, Doctor who parody shirts, Team Edward James Olmos shirt, Groverfield Shirt, Sci-Five Star Trek Parody T-Shirt in The HijiNKS ENSUE Store

The HIJINKS ENSUE STORE Is where you can buy stuff that I made! It supports me and my family and keeps this littler operation going.

IMPORTANT HOLIDAY SHIPPING INFO!

If you want something from Sharksplode to arrive before December 25th, your best bet is to place your order by December 14th! What Sharksplode items make the best gifts? How about:

Blind Ferret says, as of today, orders from The HE Store can still be delivered by Xmas. I don’t know the exact cut off date, but I would place your order soon. Like today. Maybe someone you love needs one of these things:

This Fancy Photo comic stars Randy, Rob, Jeph, Danielle, David, Nick, and Josh and takes us from the hotel after party all the way through to the final Q&A panel of Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage. Those of you who were there can testify to the accuracy of the final panel-panel of this comic. At some point the audio will be posted and you will see that I am in no way exaggerating. If anything, I am underselling it.

Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage 2011 Fancy Photo Comic Part 1

“George Hurt You” shirts are in the store!!!

Show Us On The Trilogy Where George Hurt You - funny star wars t-shirt, george lucas shirt, star wars parody

IMPORTANT HOLIDAY SHIPPING INFO!

If you want something from Sharksplode to arrive before December 25th, your best bet is to place your order by December 14th! What Sharksplode items make the best gifts? How about:

Blind Ferret says, as of today, orders from The HE Store can still be delivered by Xmas. I don’t know the exact cut off date, but I would place your order soon. Like today. Maybe someone you love needs one of these things:

This Fancy Photo comic stars Randy and Rob and chronicles our first night in Austin for Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage. Apparently all Austin liquor stores close at 9pm on Friday night.