Here’s another resurrected and recolored FANEURYSM comic. As I explained here, there are a few FANEURYSM comics that I don’t want to allow to slip into the void of the Internet’s hazy memory, and that fit in nicely with the aesthetic of Sharkzpode.
George Lucas is a hack, Star Wars is garbage, KILL YOUR IDOLS KILL YOUR IDOLS KILL YOUR IDOLS!!! I do gotta admit that new soccer-ball-with-a-head robot from the commercials is pretty dang cute.
Have you seen my store? NO!? GO THERE! SEE IT! GIVE IT YOUR MONEY AND IT WILL GIVE UNTO YOU SUCH TREASURES! OH SUCH TREASURES IT WILL GIVE!
Have you seen my wife’s geeky jewelry store, Science & Fiction? She’s got necklaces and earrings based on Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Star Wars, The Fibonacci Sequence, DNA, Pac-Man and lot’s more. CHECK. IT. OUT.
Worst Darth name is *drumroll*… Darth Vengean
Darth Gravid.
Definition of GRAVID
1
: pregnant
2
: distended with or full of eggs
The EU is dead, long live the ALU (After Lucas Universe).
Especially since Brexit. Amirite?
The thing that worried me was seeing new characters named after familiar cartoon characters…
FINN? Where’s Jake?
Kylo REN? Where’s Stimpy?
I dread that we will ultimately discover that Luke’s son is named SPONGEBOB Skywalker!!!
If you haven’t heard of/read about Lucas’s first wife Marcia, you should!
A talented film editor who put the heart into Star Wars episodes 4-6.
Her absence meant the humor, focused editing, and humanity were missing in episodes 1-3. Surrounding himself with “yes men”, didn’t help either.
I JUST read an article about her a week or so ago and yes, she’s been completely erased from the history of Star Wars as the heroine who saved Lucas’s shitty script and course corrected the entire project.
Whoa, I had no idea, but that explains a LOT.
Also I recommend watching the Mr. Plinkett reviews of episodes 1-3 on You-Tube. Sarcastic and thoughtful analysis of why the movies were so bad from a storytelling point of view.
As dumb as those reviews are set up to be, the actual analysis of the films is college course level.
For the first part of reading this I was thinking to myself, hang on, this is *really* similar to something I remember reading years ago. Like, disturbingly similar to a comic… I read once… by a dude… ahh fuck I’m an idiot.
Excellent comic.
“He totally ripped off that—-oh, right.”
What about the most important bad guy trait in SWU: British accent?
Hey now, it’s an Imperial accent. As evidenced in Star Wars: The Old Republic where the Imperial Agent’s reminded she’s undercover, and should lose the Imperial accent. And she does, switches to a general American midwestern accent if I recall correctly.
#omgI’mReallyThatBigOfADorkINeverRealized
My favorite part with the Sith is how there’s only supposed to be two at a time, because that cant possibly backfire.
No no no – it’s pronounced sah-VAHGE oh-PRESS. I don’t know what your problem is.
~ Ianian Baloo W’oodd Shieldheat Concrete
This is another unfortunate case of ethnocentrism. We read “Savage Oppress” and assume it’s a bad thing, when it’s actually cited as proof of “Infinite Worlds” theory. It just happens that, through coincidence, their lexicon is almost polar opposite of ours, and Savage Oppress in Galactic Common is actually translated to “Lovey McCuddlesKittens” and he’s a Starbucks barista where he was actually voted as employee of the month with a good shot at making it to corporate, we’re told.
The most evil thing he’s actually done so far is a tie between convincing an unsuspecting customer that ‘Oprah’s Chai’ was superior to the regular chai, and using full cream in a customer’s soy latte, because she was rude to his coworker.
Through our conditioning, we see a person with black and red face tattoos and horns coming out of his head as evil, but realize that it’s an evolutionary characteristic there. On his planet, centuries ago, there was almost a complete wipeout of his race, due to the fact that large birds were perching on their heads, crushing their delicate necks or obscuring their vision and causing them to walk into deep ravines. So what we see as horns on their heads are actually evolutionary bird spikes, and in a few more centuries we’ll probably all have them. (I was perched on by a pigeon this morning, and nearly walked into a lamppost. It was quite traumatic.)
Through another odd coincidence, this holocaust that nearly wiped out the existence of their whole species was called ‘The JarJar’. Which explains why his brother, Darth Maul, looked like he was about to cry the whole time they were fighting. Horrible racial memories bubbling to the surface.
Jo’ Joohrdan Nipple BeamLaser?!
There is nothing more that I can teach you.