“PORTA JOHN SMITH” SHIRTS ARE UP AT SHARKSPLODE WHUUUUUUUT?!?!?
The big giant mega blowout HE Store sale is technically over, but until the plug is pulled (today? tomorrow?) you can probably still get some cheap books and shirts HERE. I’m really sorry about the high shipping prices many Fancy Bastards have been telling me about encountering in the store. That basically defeats the purpose of having a blowout sale, doesn’t it? Oh well. I still really appreciate the support for the sale and I promise when the new, improved store opens (hopefully later this week), there will be no such problems with insane shipping prices.
PACMAN NECKLACE! WAKA-WAKA-WAKA-WAKA-WAKA…
Today is my wife’s birthday. Celebrate it by buying yourself a present from her Etsy store “Science and Fiction.” Check out her her latest geeky creation, a Pacman inspired necklace!
Eli (IRL)’s cat, Kirby (or is it Kurby? Who cares?) weighs somewhere between 30 lbs and 1/4 the mass of a neutron star. Rather than beg for food, he will usually just scoot himself into a area where food is likely to fall, and lay there, upside down, mouth agape for hours. He’s like a feline filter feeder, just floating through the ocean that is Eli’s home, allowing bits of cheese and sausage to get caught in his kitty baleen. What a giant piece of shit.
COMMENTERS: Why are cat’s such giant pieces of shit? How do your cats let you know that your sole purpose in this life is to service them? Are you a piece of furniture to them? A scratching post? A method by which food is delivered? What?! You say your cats AREN’T total assholes? Those, my delusional friend ARE NOT cats. Those are either unusually large guinea pigs or rare, african land otters.
Comments (46)
@dreadthar · 90 weeks ago
1 reply · active 90 weeks ago
hijinksensue· 90 weeks ago
moffattbooks· 90 weeks ago
@RHaseman · 90 weeks ago
1 reply · active 90 weeks ago
hijinksensue· 90 weeks ago
Stupido Comics · 90 weeks ago
@Matausz · 90 weeks ago
@FPRobber · 90 weeks ago
DuckAmuck · 90 weeks ago
She’s still way too scaredy to be an asshole, mostly. She lets us know that she trusts us – we wouldn’t let the dogs next door eat her – and that she needs us – to protect her from the traffic in the street for some reason – and that I’m furniture that feeds her.
brigidkeely· 90 weeks ago
Assholes.
3 replies · active 90 weeks ago
@madmadamquinn · 90 weeks ago
My cats-don’t-know theory is that because I am aloof and stay away, they think, ‘thanks for respecting my space, let me reward you will rubs and letting you pet me’.
My cats-are-evil theory is that they sense my allergy and enjoy listening to my bronchial tubes close and my wheezing to death.
brigidkeely· 90 weeks ago
I really love cats, but I don’t love asthma attacks and swollen runny eyes.
hijinksensue· 90 weeks ago
rattify· 90 weeks ago
1 reply · active 90 weeks ago
hijinksensue· 90 weeks ago
@kellyskritters · 90 weeks ago
Bill Murphy · 90 weeks ago
However, I like cats. Because they ARE a$$holes! 😉
Trish · 90 weeks ago
Dave · 90 weeks ago
“If cats looked like frogs we’d realize what nasty cruel little bastards they really are. Style, that’s what people remember”
also:
“In ancient times Cats were worshiped as gods. They have not forgotten this.”
2 replies · active 90 weeks ago
@madmadamquinn · 90 weeks ago
hijinksensue· 90 weeks ago
StephC · 90 weeks ago
Most of my other cats are supreme assholes. Two of my girls will launch themselves from 7-8 feet away and land on your shoulder while you’re doing something, then they’ll start to lose their balance and grab onto you with every single claw.
PokeyPuppy · 90 weeks ago
They are all sometimes assholes, but also adorable and snuggly and hilarious, so tolerable.
3 replies · active 90 weeks ago
hijinksensue· 90 weeks ago
lou · 90 weeks ago
PokeyPuppy · 90 weeks ago
Luckily, my husband is a clean-freak, so no one would ever guess we had 7 cats.
gabepuratekuta· 90 weeks ago
Anyway, my cat–which is only about a few months old–likes to to to where we keep the cat treats and beg for one even though there aren’t any, stare outside like she’s still in heat and go near electronics like their scratching posts even after repeated warnings and sprayings
seriously · 90 weeks ago
1 reply · active 90 weeks ago
hijinksensue· 90 weeks ago
Karen · 90 weeks ago
FuryOfFirestorm· 90 weeks ago
*puts on sunglasses*
…totally wrecked your dick.
YYYEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!
1 reply · active 90 weeks ago
hijinksensue· 90 weeks ago
FuryOfFirestorm· 90 weeks ago
1 reply · active 90 weeks ago
lurkie · 90 weeks ago
eventually it becomes a cat.
Ogden Nash
Tom327Cat · 90 weeks ago
UnderTheDark · 90 weeks ago
LawWren · 90 weeks ago
Recently, while visiting a friends house, I stumbled upon her roommate’s even bigger cat and was told, “Don’t touch him, he’s the Devil.” I can’t stay away from any animals though and had to reach in and scratch his ears. He followed me around the rest of my visit and wanted pettings every chance he got.
Cats can tell a friend when they see one.
Candace · 90 weeks ago
OTOH, one of our cats we have now started out as a juvenile delinquent, and is now working on being a grouchy old man. He can be really sweet and cuddly and funny when he wants to, other times he’s out for blood. He’s like a cat version of Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. Our other cat is bitchy to the other pets, but very sweet to us.
Just goes to show not all cats are assholes, and most of them are not assholes all the time. They are damn entertaining, though, in any case. I laughed my a** off at the fourth frame, because cats do seem to have a talent for finding sensitive areas and stomping or clawing them.
And “Also here is the floor…” The last frame is up there with “All. All beer.” 😀
@efin98 · 90 weeks ago
neph sy · 90 weeks ago
Compare the contant trail of destructions by my sisters Pugs;
vomiting, defecating, and whizzing into shoes, chewing on shoes.
One pug will find any possible way to get food; he will pull tablecloths off the table, open the fridge, find his way into all kinds of garbage cans. One he got into the lazy susan cupboard and ate a bag of flour. He’s eats bars of soap and has even eaten rat poison and chocolate, and had to had his stomach pumped.
lou · 90 weeks ago
1 reply · active 90 weeks ago
lou · 90 weeks ago
And in answer to that question about movies that described the decades they premiered from a few strips ago, I thought of another ’90’s movie: PCU. I just watched it again on VH1 of all channels, and it’s just so damn funny!
Kylie · 90 weeks ago
Little shit
1 reply · active 90 weeks ago
PokeyPuppy · 90 weeks ago
@doncarlo · 90 weeks ago
The oldest has no claws on her front paws but somehow manages to squeak her paws on closed doors so loudly she wakes us up if we lock her out of our bedroom. She used to dig in our houseplants, spreading dirt all over the carpet. She also will sometimes eat so quickly that she immediately barfs up her half chewed, undigested food which the other cats then eat.
The longhaired cat is purebred and one of the dumbest cats I’ve known. He likes to chew on wires and string, lick plastic everything, and eats things that can’t be digested that have to be surgically removed. He can be particular about food and his litter box, not eating food he doesn’t like and peeing and pooping immediately in front of the litter box if it is not to his liking.
The third cat is probably the most normal. The worst thing he does is knock things off of tables and try to escape out doors when he is not supposed to. He is also very forceful about cuddling sometimes, ramming his head into your face when you are sleeping.
Missmushu · 90 weeks ago