You have to give it to Bryan Singer for realizes his mistake in abandoning the X-Men franchise, then taking the first available opportunity to COMPLETELY ERASE the one X-Men movie he didn’t direct from continuity. There were parts of Days Of Future Past that felt like he was just course correcting the damage done to the story, and there were other times that seemed like a giant middle finger, or Adamantium/bone claw to Brett Ratner.

Tuesday June 3rd is my birthday (I’m almost positive I’m turning 33). If you like to help me celebrate, please feel free to check out my Patreon campaign, my donation page or my Amazon wish list. The Patreon is honestly the greatest thing you can do for me in terms of making sure I am still able to do HijiNKS ENSUE as my full time job. Otherwise, I’ll happily take an Internet high five via Twitter or Facebook.

It’s still a relatively new film, so I won’t get into spoilers or specifics, but Days Of Future Past is now probably my favorite X-Men movie. In it, you finally get to see some things (mutant powers, character traits, relationships, etc) that have been hinted at, but somehow left out of all of the previous films. It just feels like a more complete X-Men movie.

For those that HAVE seen it: don’t you, like me, want to see an ENTIRE MOVIE set in that apocalyptic future? It was very intriguing and visually/stylistically quite cool. I’ve read that some of the original cast might make an appearance in Age Of Apocalypse (probably Wolverine, if I had to guess), but it seems like they are moving the franchise forward with the First Class crew from here on out. Age Of Apocalypse is supposed to take place in the 80’s, but I wonder if Singer (assuming he sticks with it) will keep them from every butting up to the first X-Men movie which was set in 2000. In that film, Professor X was already in his 60’s. I doubt James McAvoy is going to be able to pull that look off. Maybe they’ll do 2 or 3 more movies set in the 80’s to early 90’s, then close the book on this cast as well.

I am still holding out hope for a Magneto movie starring Fassbender. He really does step into Magneto’s skin and become that character fully. All of the conflict, the drive, the righteous indignation, the barely suppressed rage just flows out of his ever glance and carefully spoken word. I suppose I feel the same way about James Marsden’s portrayal of Cyclops, in that I give zero shits about Scott Summers as a character and I give the same number of shits (which is holding steady at zero) about Marsden’s portrayal of (to be clear) THE MOST BORING PERSON IN THE WORLD WHO CAN SHOOT A NUCLEAR CANNON OUT OF HIS FACE.

COMMENTERS: Feel free to discuss your thoughts on Days Of Future Past (without getting into spoiler territory), or X-Men movies in general (and the sliding/shifting/disappearing continuity). What X-Men storyline would you most like to see brought to life in film? What characters would you like to see solo films for?


Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts, nerdy shirts

I am closing out some current t-shirt and print designs. Please check out this blog post since the stuff on closeout probably won’t be available again.

Rejoice nerds. Our long national nightmare is over. X-Men: First Class has wiped clean the stains left on the X-Movie Franchise by X-Men 3: Frasier Beast and X-Men Original Recipe: Wolverine. It really is that good. Before I get to the good, I will quickly dispatch with the bad. As stated in the panels above, the films Americanizes ALL of the non-American characters from the comics. This seems like a very strange and totally unnecessary choice. The X-Men were always supposed to be an international collective, representative not of any one country, but of the world. It’s supposed to be mutants v. humans, not americans v. everyone else. Since the plot of the movie revolves around the cuban missile crisis, I wonder if they did this to place emphasis on the American/Russion conflict. This doesn’t ruin the movie, but it will leave longtime X-Fans confused. The other major gripe I have it will Emma Frost. The casting, the writing, and the characterization are just wrong. She comes off in the film as a tarty, sexy, fun-loving, bond girl. Where is the stone cold fake-British-accent-sporting bitch we all love to hate/love? [NOTE: I admit I am primarily familiar with the Emma from Astonishing X-Men and realize she might have been portrayed differently in the past or in other titles, perhaps without an accent at all.] January Jones (who until recently I assumed was Blake Lively), either can’t act or just doesn’t want to. Again, these are small gripes that only slightly detract from an otherwise fantastic movie.

Now for the good. The rest of it… is the good. Michael Fassbender as Magneto OWNS this movie. While I adored Ian McKellan’s portral of the master of magnetism, it was clear we were seeing a battle weary version of Magneto in his twilight years. He was more concerned with playing general to his various henchmen than getting into the thick of things himself. He was probably on a 2-3 bottles of Ensure a day habit and likely went to bed around 8pm, right after “The Wheel” went off. The Magneto we see in First Class is in his prime. He’s an assassin, a fucking unstoppable badass. And his friendship/idealogical struggle with Charles Xavier really balance out his all consuming need for revenge. Speaking of accents, Fassbender’s Irish accent pops out towards the end of the film during a few moments of impassioned speech.

There are parts of the film that feel like it should be called X-Position Men. Characters pick their codenames, give their backstories or drop an unusual amount of backstory in a very short of amount of time, but you can’t really fault them for trying to bring the average movie goer up to speed quickly in order to move the plot along. Some of it feels ham-fisted, like when Mystique says, “I want to be called Mystique and you should be Professor X!” But most of it goes over just fine. I also applaud the filmmakers for establishing quite clearly that the movie takes place in the 1960’s but somehow keeping everything mostly decade agnostic. It doesn’t feel like a period piece which keeps things more relatable. Final verdict: GO SEE IT. Fun times.

COMMENTERS: Did you see X-Men: First Class? What did you think? Do you hope they continue the franchise in this timeline?

Making An X-Ception

I realized recently that I never said anything about Marmaduke. So why not take a commentary about X-Men: First class needing some rewrites due to previously unknown similarities to Inception and just shoehorn that giant fucking dog right in there? It makes perfect (anti)sense. Ahh, but the reference doesn’t fit because the dog is just too darn big. And in that remarkable bigness lies the humour. You can’t see the humor, though.

Because the dog’s so big.

He blocks the joke.

With his bigness.

COMMENTERS: What other scenes is Matthew Vaughn going to have to remove from his X-men reboot for being too similar to another film?

I’ve been making more posts in The Vault recently [behind the scenes on two secret logo projects for big name comedians, a secret t-shirt that may never see the light of day, and the rough sketch of this particular comic (featuring deleted dialog)]. If you want access to all the Vaulty goodness, please consider making a donation. If you REALLY enjoy HE and want to see it continue, how about a monthly donation subscription of $5, $10 or $20? Your donations actually represent about 1/3 of my income from the comic and I rely on them like they were… well, 1/3 of my income. Please know that I appreciate your kindness and generosity immensely.

HijiNKS ENSUE Vol 1 Godspeed You Fancy Bastard @ Topatoco

This is excellent news since you can now purchase one of my more popular shirt designs and a book at the same time and save on shipping/hassle.

I’ll be removing personalized artist editions from the store later today (maybe tomorrow) so if you want one ORDER NOW.

Guest Comic By Lee Bretschneider

hijinks-ensue-godspeed-you-fancy-bastard-book-300x300Reading about my continuing health problems, HE reader and super fancy illustrator Lee Bretschneider sent me this fantastic guest comic without me even having to ask. Check out his portfolio at, and his comic “Wheelchair Romeo.” Also check him out getting his back waxed at RIGHT HERE. It’s awful.

Normally I would ask a potential guest-comicer to clear their intentions with me first, but Lee had the foresight to be incredibly talented which precludes the need for artist clearance. I’m very grateful for the helping hand seeing as how I spent 12 hours in the emergency room yesterday.

If you want to play catch-up on my most recent medical misadventures you can do so on the Twitters starting from here.


  1. Thought I had an aneurysm [9/24]
  2. CT Scan and Spinal Tap proved I was OK
  3. $1400 bill
  4. Spinal Tap didn’t heal correctly so my brain didn’t have enough brain juice to float in causing 24 hour migraines/nausea for 7 days
  5. migraines got out of control, chest and neck pain started, vision started going wonky
  6. Wet to ER at “poor folks” hospital downtown [9/30]
  7. They wanted to treat me with pain meds and send me on my way
  8. 10 hours later they agreed to to the blood patch I needed to repair my spinal fluid leak
  9. 12 hours total and $1600 later I went home and slept for almost 24 hours

Now that my medical bills have topped $3000, I am considering some kind of donation drive or limited print sale to help take care of them. If you have ideas, let me know. Otherwise I will think about it and post something next week.

BOOK UPDATE: The books should be here on Monday [10/5/09]. I leave for Baltimore Comic-Con a few days later so there probably won’t be any books shipped until I get back. I may do some live streaming of the book signings/sketchings on Ustream.

Thank you all for your continued support and kind words through what has been one of the crappiest months of my life.




The new “Dark Phoenix Saga” is when Jean Grey goes nuts and starts posting naked pictures of herself on Twitter.

This will probably be the last comic this week (ie no comic on Friday) since I only have a few days left before HE Book 1 (pictured below… maybe you should preorder it) has to be finalized and sent to the printer. Thanks for understanding (and for preordering the book… please. go. do it now).