Undeniable Parallels

I watched Waterworld this weekend… again. For like the 500th time. At this points it’s unfair to even call it a “guilty pleasure.” It’s just a pleasure. There is so much to hate about that movie, but for some reason I find the whole to be vastly greater (or at least more enjoyable) than the sum of its deeply flawed parts. I don’t even like it in a “so bad it’s good” kind of way. Waterworld is just s shitty movie, that makes no sense, with acting that ranges from wooden to bat-anus insane that I absolutely MUST watch every time it comes on TV.

The comic above involved a very real theory I have about how Enola from Waterworld IS the baby set adrift at the end of The Blue Lagoon. You think that movie takes place in the past. NO WAY MAN!. It’s the freakin’ future. That’s some Planet Of The Apes type science I just dropped on you. Shit, maybe that movie takes place on the other side of Waterworld. “YOU DAMN, DIRTY APES! YOU BLEW IT UP! OR MAYBE YOU SUNK IT! EITHER WAY I’M SUPER PISSED!”

COMMENTERS: Your turn to share with the group. Say your name and tell us the movie or whatever that you would like to pretend is an ironic guilty pleasure, but secretly you genuinely love it.

Tags: boxcar pete, hoboes, movies, scifi, waterworld

Mr. Fish Goes To Washington

After listening to Kevin Costner testify about how he would fix the Gulf oil spill, I kind of get the impression he bought a “Magnificent Oil Machine” kit out of the back of a Boy’s Life magazine. Though I can see him, gills clogged with syrupy crude, clutching sea turtles in his webbed toes and sea-shepherding them to safety. It’s a tough life for The Mariner. He is more at home with the dolphins and giant mutated sea turtles (it turns out he wasn’t actually able to save them) than he is with humans. His only comfort is that in the ocean, no one can see you cry.

So how is it that actors go about getting face time with congress? Is there a special clip board somewhere in Washington they just have to sign up on?

Name: Costner, Kevin
Occupation: Actor, Director, Ichthyosapien, Amateur Science Enthusiast
Reason for addressing Congress: I bought a patent for a macine that eats water and oil (mixed) and craps water and oil (separated)

Even James Cameron proposed shooting arrows tipped with Unobtanium at the gushing pipeline or some such. That’s an imaginative idea. He should make movies. My challenge to you: How would a particular actor/celebrity solve the oil spill crisis? Perhaps Morgan Freeman could narrate as Tim Robbins crawled through the pipeline with a very large bag of clean clothes tied to his ankle.