2014-09-24-momentum

Momentum

2014-09-24-momentum

I might have already written about this story here, but a little over a decade ago I saw a dude refuse to leave a customer service line at Walmart the day after Christmas until they agreed to refund him for a dozen or so bottles of perfume that were NOT purchased at Walmart. It was just his refusal to cooperate, listen to reason or back down in any way that eventually broke them. He went through two or three cashiers, a manager and eventually the store manager. The store manager asked him what the perfume was worth, typed a special code into the register that denoted “giving some fucking asshole $100 so he will go away” to the higher ups and was able to satisfy the “customer.”

 

potter and daughter podcast logo hijink ensue

When my Patreon reaches $2000/month I’m going to release a new podcast where upon I interview my 7 years old daughter as she reads through the Harry Potter series. It’s called Potter And Daughter! More details HERE.
becomepatron

I learned a few important lessons that day. The first was that Walmart does have the power to return ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING. It was shortly after this that they instituted the “show us your driver’s license if you don’t have a receipt” policy, but that just means that you can only pull shenanigans a few times a year before they get suspicious. I also learned the power of stubbornness. I didn’t think it was a virtue, but it was definitely power. I mean, the guy was clearly a lying fuckhole trying to defraud the store. That much was abundantly clear. He knew what he was doing, THEY knew what he was doing and he KNEW that they knew what he was doing. Still, he stood there INSISTING that the world conform to his will. He demanded that reality reshape itself to match his desire just by standing there and repeating the same lie over and over and over. Again, I did not think this was a good thing to do, and I did not plan to incorporate this tactic into my own dealings in the future, but it was certainly educational to see how it played out and to extrapolate how this might and DOES play out all over the world every single day.

The other thing I learned is that I probably shouldn’t be too nervous about trying to return the Playstation that I ruined while attempting to solder on a mod-chip that would let me play burned games. Compared to the other guy, I might as well have been there to deliver back rubs and blowjobs for all the employees. Subsequently, I did NOT try to modify the brand new Playstation that they gave me. I learned my lesson.

2014-07-16-water-into-wine

Water Into Wine

2014-07-16-water-into-wine

Check out all the prints and posters in the HE Store!

Next week I’m going to be at SDCC with Cyanide & Happiness! Booth 1234! More info at my Tumblr. 

hijinks-ensue-SDCC-2014

In the last day or so the HijiNKS ENSUE Patreon went over $1500, which means starting next month there will be 4 new comics a week! This is either going to take the form of 4 HE comics or 3 HE comics and one FANEURYSM comic. Haven’t decided yet. Either way, thank you all so much for the support!

becomepatron

 

TARDIS Necklace from Science & Fiction

tardis necklace on etsy from science and fiction

 

2014-07-14-the-shallow-end

The Shallow End

2014-07-14-the-shallow-end

Please do not give me too much credit for today’s comic. I did not come up with WINEPOOL. I merely documented, and commented on its existence. WINEPOOL is a real thing… and ALL TOO real thing. It is a sign of the times, as well as a portent of things to come. 100 years from now, what little is left of humanity will measure their history in two epochs: Before WINEPOOL and After WINEPOOL. After WINEPOOL will also be known as THE GREAT BLOOD WAR, or THE CENTURY OF SKULLS. Either way, no good can come of it. Still, it’s best not to fight the inevitable. Our new WINEPOOL-based society is sure to take foot any day now, and those who refuse to adapt will certainly be left in the shallow end.

TARDIS Necklace from Science & Fiction

tardis necklace on etsy from science and fiction

In the last day or so the HijiNKS ENSUE Patreon went over $1500, which means starting next month there will be 4 new comics a week! This is either going to take the form of 4 HE comics or 3 HE comics and one FANEURYSM comic. Haven’t decided yet. Either way, thank you all so much for the support!

becomepatron

 

comic-2008-10-03-walmart-drm-mp3.jpg

Technobillies

comic-2008-10-03-walmart-drm-mp3.jpg

I keep drawing shirtless old men.

The fact that WalMart is shitting shutting down the DRM servers that allow customer who have purchased music from them to actually listen to said music is a mostly a non-issue for me. If you looked at all of your choices for online music purchasing and chose the place that gives you a case of Coors and a 30 lb bag of cat food with every oil change, then your probably deserve whatever you get.

I was forced for the first time to pay for DRM’d music when, in order to purchase presale tickets to a Ben Folds concert, I was required to buy his new album through the iTunes store. This was a problem for me on so many levels. Ben is my favorite performing artist of any medium. His music has had a greater impact on my life than I can explain in words and I want to thank and support him for that. That’s why I’ve gone to at least 10 Ben Folds shows in the last 8 years. I pay $40 a pop and he gets a healthy chunk of that. I buy $25 teeshirts and he gets nearly all of that. TicketBastard forced me to pay $13 for a group of crippled files, of which Ben probably gets $.05 per track (if that). His label, Sony, gets a fairly even split with Apple. So now I have to burn those broken files to a disk, re-rip them in iTunes and replace them in my library. It’s not hard. It’s just a hassle, and it certainly doesn’t support the artists, which is the only reason I would ever BUY music in the first place.

I enjoyed Ephram and Paw. I might bring them back in the future. Maybe they can tangle with Pete.

(Thanks to FB, Joe Conroy, for inadvertently giving me the punch line for this comic.)