2015-02-20-meowmicry-tivos-perspective

Meowmicry (Tivo’s Perspective)

2015-02-20-meowmicry-tivos-perspective

NEWS:
My new podcast Potter & Daughter is live now! You can download the first episode here or subscribe via RSS or iTunesFancy Patreon Patrons get each episode a week early!

It’s freaking cold! Use code 10offhoodies to get $10 off any and all hoodies in the HE store! Use it as many times as you like.

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I mentioned in the comments to THIS COMIC how I thought it would be neat to see the same events from the cats’ perspectives. Then, I made good on that threat HERE. And now, yet again, I am your macabre host as we journey into the inner monologue of nature’s dumbest dumb butthole, the cat.

Tivo was our first cat. He was frisky and cute and insanely hyperactive, so we got him a friend – Replay. Instead of calming him down, this action irreparably broke his brain. Ever since introducing replay into our lives, Tivo has been paranoid, nervous, skittish and terrified of basically everything. Add to that the grumpiness and whininess that comes with being 10 years old (275 in cat years), and he’s basically just a musty bag of spite and complaints.

Tivo’s only desire and only pleasure in life is to be sitting on my wife. When this is possible, he is content and quiet. When wife-sitting is not a possibility he just sort of roams around the house, carrying his favorite scarf and cries through his clenched teeth. It’s an inconceivably pathetic display to behold. We’ve long assumed that his only hope for the future is to burrow into my wife’s ribcage and lie there, completely content, until he dies. Christ, what a dumbass.

COMMENTERS: What would your pets name you and the other members of your household?

2015-02-18-meowmicry-replays-perspective

Meowmicry (Replay’s Perspective)

2015-02-18-meowmicry-replays-perspective

NEWS:
My new podcast Potter & Daughter is live now! You can download the first episode here or subscribe via RSS or iTunesFancy Patreon Patrons get each episode a week early!

It’s freaking cold! Use code 10offhoodies to get $10 off any and all hoodies in the HE store! Use it as many times as you like.

Screen Shot 2015-02-20 at 12.53.32 PM

I mentioned in the comments to THIS COMIC how I thought it would be neat to see the same events from the cats’ perspectives.  Now BEHOLD, for I have followed through with that threat.

Replay, our black and white fuzzy idiot, is the kind of cat who knows his bowl is full, and knows YOU know his bowl is full, yet refuses to eat out of it until you escort him over to it and everyone just goes right ahead and acknowledges that it is full. Christ, what an asshole.

COMMENTERS: Your pets are stupid. This is a given. In what specific ways are your pets stupid? 

2015-02-16-meowmicry

Meowmicry

2015-02-16-meowmicry

NEWS:
My new podcast Potter & Daughter is live now! You can download the first episode here or subscribe via RSS or iTunesFancy Patreon Patrons get each episode a week early!

It’s freaking cold! Use code 10offhoodies to get $10 off any and all hoodies in the HE store! Use it as many times as you like.

Screen Shot 2015-02-20 at 12.53.32 PM

When my wife and I are speaking to each other, we are either A) Talking about our kid, B) Repeating something our kid said, C) Talking about our cats or D) Screaming whatever our cats are screaming, right back in their dumb, little, fuzzy, stupid idiot faces.

Our kid and our cats are basically our own, 2 person only, super-exclusive pop culture memes. What I mean to say, is we spend an awful lot of time conversing in references and memes to things that ABSOLUTELY NO ONE ELSE in the world would understand. Being a people is weird.

COMMENTERS: Do you talk to your animals or mimic their behavior when you’re alone in ways that you WOULD NOT do in mixed company for fear of having to defend yourself in a committal trial?

2014-09-03-absence-makes-the-cat-go-bonkers

Absence Makes The Cat Go Bonkers

2014-09-03-absence-makes-the-cat-go-bonkers

Every single time I come home from traveling one of my cats has completely forgotten I ever existed, and the other is positive I am an undead replicant or possible a million alien bugs wearing a Joel suit. The apathetic one, Replay, briefly looks up from licking his own asshole, then gets right back to chowing down. The paranoid idiot one, Tivo, tears across the house as soon as he sees me, then takes refuge either under my bed or between my night stand and the wall. Two places that I, as a human with arms and legs, obviously have no way of ever infiltrating.

Tivo is your basic fuzzy dumbass. Just fuzzy as all get out, and as dumb as the day long. These are things that do not terrify Tivo: me sitting in a chair. Me walking through the room. These are things that ABSOLUTELY terrify Tivo: Me getting up from sitting in a chair, me walking through the room wearing sandals, me walking through the room holding something in my hands, me walking in the direction that he is also walking in, me doing a thing, a thing happening, me standing up and then a thing happens… you get the idea. His primary fears are me, things, happenings, and most other all of it.

becomepatron

Replay, the other one, couldn’t give two shits connected by a piece of string that he ate (A real thing that has happened in my house several times. We call them “poop-chucks.”) if I lived or died. The only thing that leads me to think he might prefer my death is that I get the distinct impression he wants to hollow out my chest cavity and take up residence in my rib cage. It’s hard to explain why I think this. Some cats, just give off that vibe, you know?

Calling all Whovians with holes in their ears! Just look at these Sonic Screwdriver earrings my wife made! 

sonic screwdriver earings matt smith elevelth doctor who etsy

https://www.etsy.com/listing/200762224/doctor-who-inspired-sonic-screwdriver

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TV is back, and this time it’s personal

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I’d seriously gotten used to spending time with my family, reading and going outside. The last few months have been like one of those dreams where you know that you aren’t YOU, but you just run with it. Now that TV is actually back I can slide back into sloth like a nice warm bath. Last Thursday hit my Tivo like a tonne of bricks. It’s like Tivo used to have this cool manager that let him slack off, surf the web and take 30 minute smoke breaks, then Corporate sent in a ballbust to whip his whole division back into shape.

“Tivo! Why aren’t you recording 30 Rock?!”

“I….I….I was going to….”

“WELL, RECORD IT!? Then clean up this warehouse! There’s old episodes of Good Eats all over the place! Is that Planet Earth over in the corner? They’re not going to watch that again! DELETE IT!”

Speaking of: why didn’t anyone BUT Josh ever tell me how great 30 Rock was? I caught the last two episodes and I am officially hooked. It’s about as close to Arrested Development as I’ve seen on TV since AD’s untimely demise.  You see, I can’t just take Josh’s word on things like this. He’s almost always right, but he also watches Ugly Betty and Desperate Housewives so it’s hard to trust him. To his credit the list of shows he recommended that I resisted makes for a rather impressive resume: Arrested Development, Battlestar Galactica,  and 30 Rock, to name a few. The problem is, he recommends basically everything. It’s like voting for every presidential candidate. You will always, at least partially, win.

(Also, I take back anything I’v ever said about Hulu.com. It has every episode of Arrested D. available at an instant. I leave it playing in the background while I work. They… um…. it’s better than iTunes.)

Other shows that he’s tried unsuccesfully to cram in my TV hole include 24, Grey’s Anatomy, The West Wing, and Serious 30 Rock (Studio something or other).  I’m sure those are all good shows but I have to resist falling for them. There are only so many hours in a day and there are comics to be made. Comicareseriousbusiness.