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Hard Touching Meat Puppets

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[STORE UPDATE] Thanks to the diligence of the Blind Ferret team, the HijiNKS Ensue Store is un-hacked, re-upped and back-backed! I’ve lost over a 1/4 of my merch revenue for the month (and Jan/Feb are already slow months) so let’s all go celebrate by BUYING SOMETHING!!!

My temporary PRINT SHOP with my BRAND NEW “TESLA UNCOILED” print and many of my most popular large prints is still up and running and probably will be until I return from JoCo Cruise Crazy 3. Get on that mess while you can!

Thanks to my friend Kris who helped with the title and some of the dialog for this comic. We had a sleepover and wrote comics in our jammies. I believe our jammy session also resulted in THIS. We’ve been doing some other writing as well that may soon yield… results. SERIOUS RESULTS.

COMMENTERS: Have you ever tried to fake your way through a conversation about a topic you knew nothing about? For me, I often laugh at things people say that have the proper cadence of a joke (good timing, good delivery, etc) even if I don’t get the reference. Then if they follow up with, “So you’ve seen that?” I just give a shameful yet stern, “No.”

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Adventures In Self-Imposed Isolation

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LAST CHANCE FOR “KEEP YOUR LAWS OFF MY OVIPOSITOR SHIRTS”!!!
They are only $15! They will never be printed again, so get ’em while you can.

I posted a new Lo-FiJINKS comic just a few hours before this one went up, so you have have missed it.

True-ish story: I did watch the [Matt Smith] Doctor Who Christmas special instead of the Superest of Bowls and it was fantastic. I really didn’t think I was going to warm up to Smith after experiencing Tennant, but man he has grown on me like giant, crazy floppy hair.

Though I didn’t see the even one second of “The Game,” the commercials or the halftime show, I did enjoy trying to create a mental picture of the whole affair based on what was happening in my Twitter feed. The best I could tell, Rachel from Glee and Christina Aguilera sang a mash up of the national anthem and “Don’t Stop Believin,” The Black Eyed Peas have all been digitized into the Grid and replaced with even less talented robot avatars with cube shaped heads, Groupon did several ads promoting the group savings benefits of genocide, oppression, and other atrocities and apparently the Greenday Packmen outscored the  Philly Cheesesteaks in terms of points. You know the old saying, “he who scores the most points within the allotted time shall be determined the winner.” Truer words, am I right?

I’m not trying to be one of those, “I’m too cool for football because I’m a hip internet type, deeply in touch with my own personal brand of irony, etc, etc, blah, blugh.” On the contrary. I understand the rewards that come with shared experience and how geeking over football stats is the same as geeking over any other sort of geekery. I just don’t understand football at all. I look at it and I see… nothing. For me a football game is like listening to someone speak a language you don’t understand while watching a crowd of people wait in line for a roller coaster. Slowly they advance towards their goal, but often there is no movement for 12 or 20 minutes at a time. I realize that I’m not the “enlightened one.” I’m the one who is missing out. It’s like Josh and vaginas. I just don’t see the appeal and I will never understand it’s mysteries.

Back to that Groupon thing… holy shit. From what I understand about TV advertising, a terrible offensive commercial can’t be shown during the Superbowl by accident. At least a few people have to sign off on it, right? So that means there are multiple individuals in the world that think it’s a good idea to show “the lighter side” of the oppression of the Tibetan people by saying it might save you a few bucks on dinner in Chicago. Stay classy Groupon. Luckily, never do anything with anyone so I can’t use your stupid service. Here’s an ad pitch for them: Hitler might have killed 6 million jews, but using Groupon we were able to get an amazing deal on a recently vacated tenement building in a Jewish neighborhood in Berlin. Thanks, Groupon!

COMMENTERS: Did you watch The One Game? For the football or the commercials? What was your favorite/least favorite commercial? Any excitement for the geek movies that aired trailers during the game (Captain America, Cowboys and Aliens, etc)? If you didn’t watch it, what ever did you do? Was it fun? Can I come next time? Feel free to make up your own Groupon ad campaign as well.

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The Adverse Effects Of Climate Change

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LAST CHANCE FOR “KEEP YOUR LAWS OFF MY OVIPOSITOR SHIRTS”!!!
They are only $15! They will never be printed again, so get ’em while you can.

Thanks for forgiving Monday and Tuesday’s absent comics. My wife and I had been working on Book 2 for 5 days straight with very little sleep and I just didn’t have the energy to create anything else. The good news is we turned the files over to the printer yesterday afternoon and then I went to sleep for 12 hours.  All that’s left is for Canadian book-witches to magic them into existence. Then frost giants will carry them by the pallet to America, and I in turn will ship them out to you. It might be more like early March instead of late February. We’ll see how quickly the Canadian are able to etch each page into living stone and earth (this is the only way Canadians know how to make books). The best news of all is that I was able to accomplish 100% of what I set out to do with the book. I am extremely proud of it, and I think you will enjoy it. You can still PREORDER BOOK 2 if you haven’t already. This will be one of your only opportunities to get an artist edition other than at conventions.

Speaking of barren, icy wastelands: IT IS AS COLD AS A WARLOCKS BALLS IN DALLAS! The city, which is supposed to be playing host to nearly a million visitors this week, is for all intents and purposes shut down. People up north talk about us like we’re pussies because we freak out when we get an inch or two of snow. The reasons we freak out are A) we lack to infrastructure to navigate the snow (shovels, sand trucks, snow chains, patience, kindness) B) The news tells us specifically, in no uncertain terms to start freaking out. The treat it like the end times, and encourage us to resort to hoarding and survivalism. C) You can’t shoot snow and ice, which is the default way Texans would solve most problems. I mean you CAN shoot it, but it’s still going to be there long after you’ve run out of ammo (which is saying a lot in Texas).

Yesterday I watched a recycling truck attempt to turn around in my cul de sac and get stuck. The driver’s only recourse was to spin his 6 enormous tires at full speed for 20 minutes while the massive vehicle remained completely motionless. I can only assume he was hoping the either the friction or his frustration would eventually melt the ice.

Returning to the idea of a million sports type people helping to cripple our newly Arctic metroplex, I saw a commercial last week that aimed to teach Dallas natives how to treat our visitors. It featured some Dallas Cowboy dude… Tony Roma? No, that’s a restaurant. Whoever he was, he informed us that soon we would be playing host to a million Superbowl enthusiasts, and that we should show them how great Dallas is by treating them with respect and kindness. I seriously got the impression that he was saying, “Look, Dallas, the neighbors are coming over for dinner and you better not act like a bunch of monkeys – jumping all over the furniture and screaming like animals. We are trying to impress these people so they want to come back again, and I’ll have NONE of your shenanigans.” I also kind got this subtext message of, “I understand these people aren’t necessarily Cowboys fans. Please… PLEASE do not assault them, throw things at them, hit them with bats, run them over with your pickups, or murder them in any fashion. Just as a favor to me, Sportsguy McGee.”

They’ve also been doing rolling blackouts all over Dallas since yesterday because the power company can apparently cool six million homes when it’s 108 degrees all summer, but can’t heat those same homes when it’s 17 degrees with a windchill of 1. I have a feeling all of the power is being diverted to an array of space-based blow dryers that are aimed directly at Cowboys Stadium. You know… priorities and all.