Unassembled

Unassembled

Super hero comics have a lot of problems when it comes to believable stories. Chief among them is when the there is a struggle and after all hope seems lost, the hero, or the hero’s weapon or the hero’s team is shown to be MASSIVELY powerful and effective in diffusing the villain or situation. Then the next time the hero or team faces a similar threat, they don’t just start with the final thing that worked the last time. For instance, when you know one hero, let’s say Iron Man, wasn’t enough to get a job done on his own; that success was only achievable by putting ego aside and coming together with other heroes to form a team, then how do you ever go back to just doing shit on your own? When your contact list includes like 150 of the most powerful beings in the galaxy, how do you not call at least a couple of them whenever some nasty badness goes down? Have these guys not seen The Incredibles? There was a lesson! FANCY BASTARD BULLETIN!  Tuesday June 3rd is my birthday (I’m almost positive I’m turning 33). If you like to help me celebrate, please feel free to check out: My Patreon campaign My donation page or My Amazon wish list. The Patreon is honestly the greatest thing you can do for me in terms of making sure I am still able to do HijiNKS ENSUE as my full time job. Otherwise, I’ll happily take an Internet high five via Twitter or Facebook. This problem is occasionally solved by depowering a hero in some fashion, or knocking them completely out...
A Founding Member

A Founding Member

This is probably a great time for me to go into excruciating detail about my “Iron Man is a modern Christ figure” thesis. Ok, first off: repulsor beams = stigmata, the sacred heart = chest arc reactor, J.A.R.V.I.S. = probably the voice of god or something, flight boots = ascension to Heaven… uhhh… Pepper is Mary Magdalene… NO! Black Widow is! Yeah! Happy is Peter, A.I.M. are the Romans, M.O.D.O.K. is Pontius Pilate, it’s all really very simple. HijiNKS ENSUE just turned 7 years old and to celebrate I’m having a Fancy Bastard Fancy Fan Art contest! “But, Joel! I don’t know how to art!” you say? TOO BAD! YOU ARE NOT EXEMPT! Write a poem! Write a song! Bake a cake! Knit a scarf! The more creative the better! RULES, PRIZES AND DETAILS HERE.  Tags: FANEURYSM, hail hydra, hydra, jesus, judas, super hero movies, the...
We All Die Screaming

We All Die Screaming

The HIJINKS ENSUE STORE Is where you can buy stuff that I made! It supports me and my family and keeps this little operation going. This video RUINED my brain. Check Out Industrial Light and Magic’s Oscar Effects Reel for The Avengers COMMENTERS: Have you ever been completely fooled by subtle CG or other movie FX and astonished when you found out the trickery? The lies? The deceit? If you used to get HE in your email inbox through Feedburner (a service I stopped using this year because Google stopped supporting it), this service seems to offer the same functionality for free. Just plugin the HE RSS feed [http://hijinksensue.com/feed/] and your email address. Tags: avengers, comic book movies, industrial light and magic, movies, special fx, the...
Might Club (His Name Is Phillip Coulson)

Might Club (His Name Is Phillip Coulson)

PAY ATTENTION TO THESE THINGS! THE THINGS AFTER THE TINY DOTS:  Here is the most recent HE Podcast: Episode 91 “Baltimore Bart’s Bed And Breakfast”  I made you a LoFi Comic about Mad Men!  Dallas Fan Days is THIS WEEKEND (October 19-21) and I am going to be there in the artist alley. I will have books and shirts and sketches. Thanks to Joss Whedon, we can now utter Phil Coulson in the same breath as Tara and Wash. Whedon really knows how to go straight for the heart, which is funny consdering each of those characters were “the heart” of their show (maybe less so with Tara), they were ACTUALLY shot IN the heart (with a bullet, a giant pike and a magic spear) and their deaths hit us, the audience, right in the heart (specifically in the area governing the FEELS). I know Coulson will make at least an appearance in the new S.H.I.E.L.D TV series, but I hope they find a way to bring him back as more than just the occasional flashback. I don’t, however, hope this means the whole series would be set in a world before The Avengers. I’d like to see a team of post-Avengers S.H.I.E.L.D agents making passing references to “the big green guy” and “the pompous ass in the robot suit. Maybe Coulson will be an A.I. construct the team consults with. Or perhaps one agent is studying Coulson’s video logs to learn more about his methods. Or maybe he’s the god damn Vision. Who knows. All things being equal, Joss is probably going to use Coulson as his personal Kenny, and find a different, more brutal way to kill him in every...
Phoenix Comicon 2012 Fancy Sketches

Phoenix Comicon 2012 Fancy Sketches

Once again Phoenix Comicon was a fantastic success. Next to Emerald City in Seattle, it is my second favorite US show. Thank you to everyone that came out and got a t-shirt, a book, a sketch or just said hi. The Phoenix Phancy Bastards (fancy withe a PH) also REALLY came through with the baked goods, caffeinated goods and beboozed goods. I was able to get David terribly drunk off of too many tiny bottles of Jack (which is a necessity since he’s at least twice as much fun when he’s hammered). In addition to my comicing bros, I usually get to run around with the entire Wheaton family at Phoenix. This year was no exception, and shenanigans’o plenty (which is my Dropkick Murphys cover band) were had. Wil and I (along with Blind Ferret) debuted the prototype of the Wil Wheaton plushie we’ve been working on since ohhhhh… around the time of this comic dare. It’s been almost a year in development, but we are all very proud of the final result. They’ll be going on preorder in a week or so and a good preorder means we get to make enough to NOT have to reorder before the holidays (reordering means months of time waiting for chinese shipping crates to arrive on boats). I hope you guys dig the plush and consider picking one up during the preorder. They’ll be $20 and you are fully encouraged to knit space sweaters and clown sweaters for them. HEY! I started a Facebook group for Fancy Bastards to share ideas, get support and be a community of geeks and weirdos. Godspeed, You Fancy Bastards! Tags: aquaman,...
Dallas Comic Con 2012 Fancy Sketches

Dallas Comic Con 2012 Fancy Sketches

Dallas Comic Con and I have always been at odds. I resent it for being so close to my home and yet such a poorly organized, terribly mismanaged convention, and it resents me for being alive apparently. Don’t get me wrong, all of the fans I talked to (all half-dozen of them) were quite kind and wonderful. But I spent a day away from my family, paid for a table and sat there for 8 hours for basically no reason. I’m sorry, Dallas. You must have done something VERY wrong, because you don’g get a good con. [I wrote a GIANT post about why this con was an incredible disaster, but I realize it was a bit of downer so I moved it to this TUMBLR post.] Major thanks to all of you Fancy Bastards that have started donation subscriptions since I added the new $2, $3 and $4 monthly levels. There is a now a premium RSS feed just for subscribers that has the full comic in the feed. You’ll get an email with a link when you sign up. If you have already signed up, you’ll be getting an email this week. When I told you all that I was rethinking what I was doing with HE, I opened myself up to a lot of criticism. A lot of it was constructive, and a lot of it was painful to take in (because it was true). Still some of it was painful just because a few of you took my self evaluation as an invitation to let me know how badly I’ve been fucking up for the past year or...
I Will Avenger You. Will You Avenger Me?

I Will Avenger You. Will You Avenger Me?

UPDATE 05/18/12: Donation subscribers of any level will get access to an RSS feed with the full comic in it. Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already. Gigantic thanks to everyone that has donated last week, especially to the new donation subscribers. If you enjoy HE and would like to see it continue and even flourish, I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options. If you can spare $2 a month for a bunch of comics, I would consider you to be a pretty awesome type of person. And thus ends my first mini story arc. I hope you are enjoying the new format so far. It’s been a lot of fun to write, but there have also been several unexpected challenges. I found myself asking questions like, “Wait, should I show them going INTO the theater? Is the setting clear? Can you tell how much time has passed since the last comic?” Simple stuff, but stuff I’ve never had to deal with none the less. I am really enjoying the ability to expand on a joke or a premise from day to day instead of trying to cram it all into one comic or truncate everything I want to say. It feels like the room suddenly got bigger and I have more space to walk around. I am going to do one or two stand alone comics next, then pick up with a new short story line. I suspect that’s how things will go for the time being. I am going to be at Dallas Comic Con this...
You Don’t Have To Go Home, But You Can’t Stay Here

You Don’t Have To Go Home, But You Can’t Stay Here

Alternate Title: “A Shawarma Bees” – I did not use this title because, despite making me laugh for an hour, it doesn’t make any sense. Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already. Gigantic thanks to everyone that has donated in the last couple of days, especially to the new donation subscribers. If you enjoy HE and would like to see it continue and even flourish, I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options. If you can spare $2 a month for a bunch of free comics, I would consider you to be a pretty awesome type of person. I’m not sure a Marvel movie post-credits scene has ever gotten me quite so excited-pants as the one in The Avengers. Who knows if they will follow up that plot thread in the first sequel, or save it for a third? Either way, based on how well executed this first outing was, and assuming Whedon will he at the helm of future sequels, I have high hopes for where this is all going. [SPOILERS: It is going to space and shit is going to get CRAZY real.] So after the post-credits scene, all the chumps (and all the teens… TEEEEEENS!) piled out of the theater like a bunch of chumps. When are chumps going to learn to stop playing themselves like chumps all the time? The post-post credits scene was… it’s basically the geek film equivalent of DaVinci’s “The Last Supper.” [no pun intended]. Note to self: Actually draw that. That would be hilarious. On a special note, a...
Waiving A New Banner

Waiving A New Banner

Alternate Title: “Hunting Ruffalo” Why are things happening in the comic that seem to relate to things that happened in yesterday’s comic and the day before’s comic? Because times, they are a changin’. Also comics. Comics are a thing that is also a changin’. Specifically HijiNKS ENSUE comics. Read more about it HERE if you haven’t already. Gigantic thanks to everyone that has donated in the last couple of days, especially to the new donation subscribers. If you enjoy HE and would like to see it continue and even flourish, I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options. If you can spare $2 a month for a bunch of free comics, I would consider you to be a pretty awesome type of person. I wrote about it in my big Avengers review on Monday, but it bears repeating: HOLY DAMNBASKETS I LOVED THE HULK IN THIS MOVIE!!! Leave it to Whedon to take a character I have been ignoring for 20 years and turn him into the entire heart and soul of the film. Also, let me take this opportunity to address any of your reading that may work in Hollywood. I am pitching a new half hour 3-camera comedy called Leave It To Whedon. It centers around a precocious little redhead who keeps getting into all sorts of trouble because he can’t seem to work within the Hollywood machine. He keeps choosing artistic vision and thoughtful storytelling over easily digestible, mass appeal money making. Also he has a paper route and his dog dies in pretty much every episode. Usually just after you REALLY start to care about the dog....
The Big Chill

The Big Chill

If this comic makes no sense or seems out of place, perhaps it is because you didn’t read yesterday’s comic. Oh, what’s that? You didn’t notice the continuity? Well, it’s new. We just had it installed. I’m not sure if I like the color, but we have 30 days to return it, so… If you are still confused, the guys WERE in line to see The Avengers and now they ARE in the theater, taking their seats. A betting man might assume they will next be watching the movie, then perhaps after that the movie will be over. There has been nothing short of an outpouring of support from you, The Fancy Bastards, regarding my blog post yesterday dealing with the shortcomings I see in the comic and the changes/improvements I want to make. I am not exaggerating when I say I spent the whole of Tuesday reading comments, emails and tweets, processing them, responding to as many as I could and just thinking about what you guys had to say. The reactions ranged from “I love the comic and I will continue to support whatever you decide to do,” to “While I do still enjoy the comic, I don’t read it as much and I think you’re right in wanting to fix all those things that you want to fix,” to “YES! All of those things are wrong with the comic! Also here is another list of all the things you are doing wrong! Fix those things now!” Granted, that last group was a vast minority, but for some reason their words rang the loudest between my ears inside my overstressed,...
The Unwashed Masses

The Unwashed Masses

I’m doing something different with the comics starting this week. A bit of an experiment, or rather a continuation of The Experiment. I could certainly use your feedback and your support. Please take a few minutes and READ MORE here. The thing I hate the most about going to movies in the theater, especially popular ones, is the people. Specifically the teens. I HATE YOU TEENS! I HATE YOUR STUPID PRETTY BUT STILL AWKWARD FACES! I am an adult, and as such I believe I have a right to live a life totally devoid of teens. I am all for teen segregation. They already have their own schools. Why not their own restaurants and movie theaters? “George Hurt You” shirts are in the store!!! Let the healing begin.  There was a kid in line behind me bitching THE ENTIRE TIME about how “fucking retarded” this particular movie theater was because he stood in the wrong line for an hour and missed his showing of Avengers and no one did anything to stop him from doing such an incredibly stupid thing. To be fair, the theater was so incredibly packed that it was difficult to tell which line was for which showing. This kid, however, allowed himself to stay in the wrong line for over an hour PAST the start time printed on his ticket. Movies do not start an hour late. They are not concerts. Iron Man and The Hulk are not getting high in the green room while Thor gets his Mjolnir hammered by some Asgardian groupie. At one point he called his mom to complain that he...
Earth’s Most Magnetic Heroes

Earth’s Most Magnetic Heroes

Wow, we haven’t seen the Evil Fox Executive in a LONG time. I know Fox doesn’t have anything to do with The Avengers, but who else could be behind such a nefarious plot besides Joss Whedon’s oldest nemesis? Who else would want to take something good and geeky and pure like The Avengers and turn it into a commercial for fucking bullshit “magic” magnetic bracelets? I’ve shared my thoughts on the carnival scam that is Magnetic/Hologram/Power Bracelets in the past. Let’s just say I am not in favor of them as those who sell them prey on the uninformed with parlor tricks and chicanery. In exchange for a bit of misplaced blind faith and $25 – $50 each mark gets the promise of a no effort, no side effect miracle cure for basically everything and the only convincing they require is a bit of slight of hand and some extremely vague technobabble. I seriously want to rage-flip the kiosks selling these things every time I see them in the mall. So why am I upset about them again? Apparently there is a subplot in The Avengers that involves Tony getting a set of magnet bracelets as a gift which inspires him to make a new suit of armor (possibly his current nano-tech/neural interface armor). This would be innocuous enough (you can see him putting them on when he confronts Loki), except that Marvel and Paramount are actually shilling for a real $200 bullshit magnet bracelet that you can actually buy if you are A) the stupidest dummy in the world B) suffer from the fictional condition known as improperly polarized blood and...
So Much Ado, So Little Time

So Much Ado, So Little Time

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you! No, really. Specifically FOR YOU. [For the confusified…] The man is a machine! And not the “rise up and destroy humanity” kind. He’s more the “I’m making the biggest super hero movie of all time, but I’ve got a weekend off so I guess I gather up all my geek actor friends and make a different movie” kind of machine. I’m not sure of which type I should be more afraid. I mean, as long as Joss Whedon has positive outlets in which to channel his remarkable drive and creativity, I think we’re more or less safe. But what if we have another writers’ strike or some kind of worldwide moratorium on filmed geekiness? What then? I’m talking doomsday devices, cyborg armies, skyscraper-sized monitors barking quipy dialog and cardigans… CARDIGANS FOR ALL! Can the humanity survive a ginger despot with endless supplies of both imagination and ambition? You know how he likes to kill off characters. Joss Whedon, Sean Maher, and Amy Acker Talk ‘Much Ado About Nothing’; First Photos Revealed Joss Whedon found time to make a Shakespeare movie? [Holy Crap Wtf] COMMENTERS: Whedon came up with the Buffy musical because he and the cast would sit around and play songs and have sing alongs. He made “Much Ado” because he would host impromptu Shakespeare readings at his home. What other “me and my buddies” hangin’ out activity do you think Joss should make a movie about next? Backyard BBQ with Neil Patrick Harris (OMGWTFBBQNPH)? Alternately, what other public domain work would you like to see Whedon...
Fancy Bastards Assemble!

Fancy Bastards Assemble!

FANCY BASTARDS ASSEMBLE! Here’s your chance to help me do something very special for my family and in return get something very special of your own. SHORT VERSION: For $35 you (and 99 other Fancy Bastards) will get the “Fancy Bastards Assemble!” 11″x 17″ print, plus an additional signed, large sized 11″x 17″ print of your choice (“The Doctor Is In,” “Winter Is Coming” or “Yatta Bub!”). For $55 you can get all 4 prints! As I get closer to the goal I will reveal more of the characters on the limited print HERE ON THIS PAGE. CLICK HERE TO ORDER! [SOLD OUT] LONG VERSION: Being self employed has many rewards: no set hours, no boss, no commute, but it also has its drawbacks: no healthcare, no steady paycheck and NO VACATION! With your help I aim to do something about that last one. My wife and I haven’t been on a real, adult vacation since our honeymoon 7 years ago. We have set a goal of joining the Sea Monkeys of JoCo Cruise Crazy 2. Unfortunately this is AN INCREDIBLY EXPENSIVE GOAL. We need to raise $3500 for the trip. To that end, I have created a limited (to only 100), signed and numbered print featuring the HE cast as a familiar super hero team. EXPANDED VERSION: At least a dozen of my friends, and a dozen more people I greatly admire and would like to become friends with are going on this cruise. Last year they had such an amazing time THEY ALL STILL TALK ABOUT IT CONSTANTLY. I want to share in this communal geek experience...
Cursed, Hexed And Vexed

Cursed, Hexed And Vexed

I doubt it’s actually in real danger of cancellation (no I don’t), but according to sources (rumors) Marvel IS seriously trying to ruin Whedon’s Avengers by demanding a potentially impossibly low budget. COME SEE ME AND SCARY UNCLE RANDY THIS WEEKEND (Nov 12-14) AT AUSTIN COMIC CON IN AUSTIN, TX! Also, there’s a new episode of the HE Podcast up now! Commenters: What effects will budgetary cutbacks have on Avengers? Will Hulk go back to “dude in green makeup?” Will Ant man just be filmed from really far away? Will S.H.I.E.L.D.’s headquarters be in a booth in the back of a Denny’s? Tags: buffy, comic book movies, gypsies, joss whedon, movies, steven king, the avengers,...
I Am Edward Norton’s Inflamed Sense Of Rejection

I Am Edward Norton’s Inflamed Sense Of Rejection

Ed Norton Not in ‘Avengers’, Marvel Says It’s Not Money, Rep Claims It’s Totally About Money Confirmed: Edward Norton Out Of THE AVENGERS… And Pretty Much Every Marvel Movie From Here On Out! Mark Ruffalo Most Likely That Hulk Character Now Here’s the best Hulk casting rumor of the day (and also the worst) This comic was actually intended to run last Friday (when this story was still fresh) but I had to preempt it to make fun of Apple’s “Antennagate” press conference. In other news: COMIC-CON! COMIC-CON! COMIC-CON! COMIC-CON! COMIC-CON! COMIC-CON! COMIC-CON! I will be at the Topatoco booth (#1231) in the Webcomic’s Pavilion (just around the corner from Penny Arcade). I will have a few shirts, my book, various comic prints, a few left over large prints, [maybe a secret special print… more on that later], and a new item: Sketch Cards! For $5 I will do a quick sketch for you on a nice card that looks like this: Pretty neat, huh? Sketches in HE books (that you buy) are free, and larger commissioned pieces are priced depending on complexity. COMIC-CON EXCLUSIVE “Browncoat vs. Red Shirt” SHIRTS!!! I can now announce that I did a couple of shirt designs for Quantum Mechanix, fine online retailer of various Firefly/Serentiy, Dr. Horrible, Battlestar and Star Trek Merch, that will be exclusively sold at Comic-Con (booth 3251, which is mid-hall, toward the back wall, near the break area) and likely never again. Pick a side and display your colors proudly. DO YOU WANT A SAN DIEGO FANCY BASTARD MEETUP? FB’s JustChristine and JonnyAce wants to organize a meetup for sometime during the con....
Avengers Get All Assembley!

Avengers Get All Assembley!

Still working on a proper C2E2 write up. In the meantime, let’s speculate wildly about Joss Whedon possibly, maybe, definitely directing The Avengers movie. What Whedonisms should he include in the film and which ones should he hold back on? As a fan of his Astonishing X-Men run I have high hopes in his ability to breath new life into a decades old superhero franchise, but as a person with a functional memory I know Whedon’s projects don’t always turn out as he plans. Often the suits and execs and various other meddlers twist his creative vision into piles of disjointed poo. What say you good commenter? Joss Whedon To Assemble THE AVENGERS! Joss Whedon In “Final Negotiations” To Direct The Avengers? The Dallas Scifi Expo is this weekend. I will be sharing a table with Randy from Something*Positive so put on your Storm Trooper helmet and come say hi. I have on good authority a man called Jayne is going to be there. Don’t Forget! [Edward shirts now at Topatoco!] Tags: captain america, comic books, joss whedon, marvel comics, movies, the...