comic-2013-08-01-wheaton-comic-dare-something-something-shark-vagina.jpg

Wheaton Comic Dare: Something Something Shark Vagina

comic-2013-08-01-wheaton-comic-dare-something-something-shark-vagina.jpg

Guys, it’s never happened before and I pray it never happens again, but today Wil Wheaton issued a DOUBLE COMIC DARE based on this twitter conversation (and later this one) to both to me and Lar deSouza.

Somehow I survived this challenge of will and the results of my dare acceptance are above. Lar’s (which are VERY NSFW and honestly NSFANYONE) are here and here. Oh, did I forget to mention to have a gallon of eye bleach at the ready? Sorry. [More Wheaton Comic Dares HERE]

The 2013 DIGITAL FANCY SKETCH DRIVE is on like… a not off thing! I’m running low on money-style funds (like I usually do this time of year), so for $20 I will draw you just about anything (within reason). Check out the details and order yours HERE.

hijinks-ensue-digital-sketch-drive-07-13

ANOTHER THING YOU DEFINITELY SHOULD KNOW ABOUT! In addition to having her own photo restoration business, my wife has also started making super cool, ultra geeky jewelry on Etsy. You can see her Tetris necklace below and more geeky creations in her shop! 

tetris-necklace

 

Comments (13)

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Nathan deGargoyle's avatar

Nathan deGargoyle · 97 weeks ago

AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGHGGGGGHHHHH!
DuckAmuck's avatar

DuckAmuck · 98 weeks ago

Hmmm…. needs more cowbell.
Hotsauce's avatar

Hotsauce · 98 weeks ago

I have a friend, who has a tattoo. It was inspired by a cactus she had, the she felt looked just like an octopus. She calls it Cactopus. Except, she pronounces that ‘a’ like you would pronounce the ‘o’ in octopus. The mind reels.

1 reply · active 98 weeks ago

I’m going to have to insist that the producers of “Sharknado 2” include a scene of old Henry Winkler jumping his motorcycle over the sharknado.
PokeyPuppy's avatar

PokeyPuppy · 98 weeks ago

THAT NECKLACE! Amazing. I may have to get off my butt and actually work on my idea for a Katamari necklace (I have the beads, just haven’t tackled it yet).

Definitely getting off my butt to get a Tetris necklace, though. Brilliant!

Tagline: “This is one button you DON’T want to push”
Mousr's avatar

Mousr · 98 weeks ago

I love the tetris necklace, and showed the picture to my wife to ask if she would want to wear one. She said it was lovely, but no she would not, because it would always bother her that the bottom row hadn’t disappeared.

1 reply · active 97 weeks ago

Count the columns. 9 Instead of 10. The 10th column is empty.
safetyfirstkids's avatar

safetyfirstkids · 98 weeks ago

Clearly the answer to this problem is MEGALODONG VS CEPHALOPUSSY..
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Sharks Can’t Sleep

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Wil and I made you a Sparks McGee T-Shirt! And we made a bunch of other t-shirts for that matter.

sparks mcgee t-shirt wil wheaton sharksplode

Confused? Of course you are! Read up on Sparks McGee and his awesome adventures.

The $9.95 closeout T-shirt sale is still going on in the HE Store. Here’s an update as to what sizes are left.

I enjoyed absolutely everything about Syfy’s Sharknado. If you didn’t watch it for whatever reason, you missed; a guy from 90210 shooting at least a dozen sharks out of the sky with a pistol from maybe a mile away, his son flying a helicopter into the titular Sharknado to drop pipe bombs into it, so many horrendous special FX (the movie would jump from HD, to SD to 90’s webcam resolution depending on how many FX were on screen at any given time), at least 3 scenes involving nothing but stock footage, sharks in a living room, sharks on the roofs of skyscrapers, sharks in the pool at the old folks home and the chainsaw… we musnt’ forget the chainsaw. Sweet miserable bastard, the chainsaw. I don’t think any other movie has caused me to audibly gasp then exclaim, “Don’t you dare. You monsters,” just before the climax.

Sharknado was certainly worth my time (a sentence that, upon reading it, and knowing full well that I typed it myself, I still do not understand), though the best part was watching it live with a bunch of my friends via Twitter. Many of my best friends are people I only see at conventions, which means we rarely, if ever have a chance to just sit down and enjoy making fun of a crappy movie together. Live tweeting Sharknado with Wil and Anne and Yuri made them not seem so far away and made me feel like we were all in the same room together having a good time (THEY actually were ALL in the same room together, but whatever). I guess my hope is some of the people watching the movie and reading along via Twitter with us felt like they were in the room too, and got to share in the experience of celebrating a truly majestic train wreck.

COMMENTERS: Did you watch Sharknado and possibly read along with my live tweets? Can you enjoy “So bad it’s good” movies are do you view all these Syfy Shark+whatever movies as “So bad it’s bad?” Any favorites in the genre?

Comments (38)

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Why is the bass not singing “Take Me To The River?”

1 reply · active 101 weeks ago

Not even a Hurricanine?
blaring's avatar

blaring · 101 weeks ago

Much better than my idea: “El Crabño”
Poodles McGee's avatar

Poodles McGee · 101 weeks ago

I didn’t watch Sharknado, but I did follow along with your and Anne’s and Will’s tweets about it when I should have been studying/cleaning. Frankly, it was awesome and I have no regrets about being another day behind on school stuff.

The whole thing about you and them and all the other webcomic people whose stuff I read that I really love is that you guys all know each other and are at least respected colleagues if not outright friends. Watching you joke around and encourage each other and talk shop on Twitter and Tumblr gives people like me (who have a hard time making friends) a chance to sort of vicariously hang out with some really nice, hilarious people. The community/camaraderie you guys have is just as big a part of why I’m so enamored of webcomics as the actual comics themselves.

Sorry for the big sloppy love letter.

2 replies · active 101 weeks ago

That’s really kind of you to say. Just so you know, MOST of the webcomics type people I am friends with would describe themselves as “has a hard time making friends” too.
Bryce's avatar

Bryce · 101 weeks ago

I think a lot of the introverted type of people would say that. Somehow I’ve wound up with a lot of friends who also have trouble making friends. And the obligatory outlier about whom it has to be said “no, she isn’t being sarcastic, she really IS that happy to meet you” at some discreet point after making introductions.
Antonius's avatar

Antonius · 101 weeks ago

BLIZARD!
Leshka's avatar

Leshka · 101 weeks ago

Not having TV, I was spared the knowledge of the exact time this movie came out. I did know it was arriving, though. One day a few weeks ago I was wearing my Sci-Fi movie title generator T-shirt and my friends and I were making up names. We figured Sharknado was an awesome title, and one guy searched online to tell us that, yes, someone else thought it was a good idea as well. Sad to say two other names were also actual movies (or close enough for Syfy exec work.)
Green's avatar

Green · 101 weeks ago

Yeah, I got to say, never been a fan of ironically watching stuff. Especially when the producers are *deliberately* trying to appeal to that crowd. Sharknado and the others of its ilk are all just, as you put it, so-bad-it’s-bad. 😛

1 reply · active 101 weeks ago

I hear what you’re saying, but let me assure you there was ZERO irony involved in my Sharknado enjoyment. I was actually laughing hysterically for close to 2 hours which is a pretty genuine expression of emotion in my book.
MrPlow99's avatar

MrPlow99 · 100 weeks ago

With a sequel “Tsunhami 2: When Pigs Fly”
Bryce's avatar

Bryce · 101 weeks ago

I haven’t seen Sharknado, but do-bad-it’s-good movies really depend on the company. I saw Ninja Assassin (which since it was about an ex-ninja assassin who killed ninja assassins should have been named Ninja Assassin-Assassinating Ninja) and it was a hoot, but had I been alone I would have turned it off a few minutes in. Those kind of movies need people with whom to share your theories about ninja being trained to leap in front of speeding cars and pose menacingly before being hit.
I would totally buy a “Crabalanche!”-Shirt.

1 reply · active 100 weeks ago

Chaucer59 's avatar

Chaucer59 · 100 weeks ago

Isn’t that something they serve at Joe’s Crab Shack. Tumbling from a mountain of curly fries beside a babbling butter brook?
I have some friends who regularly get together and trash bad SF movies. Usually, it’s dollar-bin movies, but I think they may have done this one live. Those are great, Joel! Crabalanche! Nor’Easter Bunny… LOL!
xero's avatar

xero · 101 weeks ago

Piranhacano half Piranha half volcvano
Lynn's avatar

Lynn · 101 weeks ago

I would totally watch “Big Mouth Bassteroid”
KingMeIV's avatar

KingMeIV · 101 weeks ago

Just watched Sharknado with my best friend last night, and I agree with everything you’ve said 100%. We regularly watch so-bad-it’s-good movies together, and these days they’re mostly Asylum Films. I have to recommend 3 Musketeers. Tagline? “All for one, and guns for all”.
bobblebrad's avatar

bobblebrad · 101 weeks ago

I’m seeing a possible title for the next book Joel… “Fancy Basteroid 2: Deep Hampact” Does Bruce Willis do audio books?

1 reply · active 99 weeks ago

petsinwinter's avatar

petsinwinter · 101 weeks ago

I watched it and followed along with your live tweets.
According to my dad, who was watching the hashtag instead, twitter turned into MST3K that night.
Do you listen to the “How Did This Get Made?” podcast? Every episode is such a love letter to so-bad-it’s-good movies, they make me laugh all the time (even when I disagree on the movie, and think it was just bad).

I will have to track down Sharknado, because it sounds amazing!

1 reply · active 100 weeks ago

Yeah, HDTGM is one of my favorites.
Stranger's avatar

Stranger · 100 weeks ago

Im of the “So Bad Its Bad” school of thought. A bad movie isnt enjoyable to me, its just annoying and frustrating to watch. That someone took the time to make that garbage, and then expected people to enjoy it, is frankly just insulting. Its even worse when they try to be all self referential like they know it sucks, but then dont bother changing anything, because everything has to be goddamn meta now.
weaselspoon's avatar

weaselspoon · 100 weeks ago

I love So Bad It’s Good films. They’ve got to be a particular kind of bad, and then you have to go in knowing they are bad. When you’re at the cinema watching Poutrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (or any Troma for that matter) or The Room (ye gods, The Room), it becomes the audience united in laughing at the film.

I recently watched a film called Leviathon that had just won a major award and was definitely meant to be good. Half the audience walked out, and I clung on to the end but it didn’t improve. That was mostly awful because having been told this is an award winning film, your hopes are up. Had I known what to expect, we’d have thrown popcorn and shouted at the screen and it would have been fun.

After that, we saw Frankenstein’s Army. We threw popcorn and shouted at the screen. It was awesome. The director was there and he was awesome.

1 reply · active 100 weeks ago

Stranger's avatar

Stranger · 100 weeks ago

See, thats the stuff that bugs me. I can kind of forgive a movie for sucking if the director really gave it his best, but was limited by resources or his own lack of talent or whatever, like Ed Wood, but when the director has this painful self satisfied “look at this horrible movie I did” attitude, and actually goes to showings himself, its just… ugh. If youre not even going to TRY making a good movie, what the hell are you making movies for at all?
Birdemic 2: Because We Hate Absolutely Everyone!
Chaucer59's avatar

Chaucer59 · 100 weeks ago

Yeah, my Dave So-Bad-It’s-Good entries also incoude a Troma delight: Chopper Chicks in Zombietown. Another that actually meant to be funny and occasionally succeeded we Revenge of the Killer Tomatoes, starring John Astin and a very young George Clooney. The pizza delivery guy comes to the spooky old mansion where Astin is turning tomatoes into muscle-bound hunks, and pizza boy sees all the big musclemen strolling the grounds carrying HKs and asks, “Who are all these guys.” The tomato-girl bimbo, in a perfectly robotic voice replies, “They are gardeners and carpenters. They are not tomato men.”

Classic.

Chaucer59's avatar

Chaucer59 · 100 weeks ago

Ugh. Gotta edit these iPhone posts that should be “my fave entries” and well, I guess the other typos are pretty obvious.
People! Spoiler Alert warnings please! Canada is getting this cinematic gem on Thursday!

I can’t wait for the scene in the diner when the shark fakes an orgasm and the old shark across the restaurant says “I’ll feeding frenzy what they’re feeding frenzy!”

Tonny J.'s avatar

Tonny J. · 5 weeks ago

Im of the “So Bad Its Bad” school of thought. A bad movie isnt enjoyable to me, its just annoying and frustrating to watch. That someone took the time to make that garbage, and then expected people to enjoy it, is frankly just insulting. Its even worse when they try to be all self referential like they know it sucks, but then dont bother changing anything, because everything has to be goddamn meta now.
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The Defiant, The Damned And The Dirty

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I AM GOING TO BE IN CALGARY THIS WEEKEND FOR CALGARY EXPO!!! Details HERE

Here’s a new LoFi comic! 

I have lots of thoughts on SyFy’s Defiance, but I have to leave for the airport in about 12 hours (yes, 3am to catch a 6am international flight) so for now I will say give it a try.

The second episode is better than the pilot in terms of story and pacing, so I would recommend going at least that far before deciding whether or not it deserves a trial season pass on your DVR. The 2 hour pilot tried to establish the world of the show, but in many ways seemed to leave out key details that would give you a better understanding of how all these aliens came to be on Earth and why we were peacefully coexisting with a seemingly hostile invasion force. As of the 3rd hour of the show I still don’t have all that sorted out. I’m not sure who the agressor is, or if there even was one. I know there was a war, but I can’t tell who it was against. The main character, Shiny Captain Han Reynolds, is a member of the Defiant Few, a platoon that refused to fight and gave way to the uneasy peace with the 8 different races of aliens who all seem to be from the same planet. I understand revealing details in due time, but there are some important things about this high concept world the show would like me to be invested in that I really feel they’ve neglected to explain.

Ok, that was a bit of rambling, but I still say test Defiance out and see what you think. We need more (quality) Sci-Fi on TV and so far Defiance hasn’t revealed itself to be wholly without quality. There’s a good bit to enjoy now and a lot of room for improvement.

Regarding the similarities to Firefly, they are extremely apparent but innofensive. Firefly was 10 years ago. It’s about time it start inspiring a new generation of genre fiction.

COMMENTERS: Firefly was all about humans alone in the big ‘verse, where as nearly every other sci-fi space drama has involved extra terrestrials as friends, foes and unknowns. Which shows or movies do you think made the best use of aliens as real characters, or at least real and effective story elements? I feel like most Star Trek is disqualified in this argument because all of their aliens were just bumpy foreheaded humans that acted exacted exactly like (caricatures of) humans.

Comments (37)

I have a deep and abiding love of Babylon 5. I thought it integrated alien races and humans very well; some as enemies, some as allies, and some as “unknowns”.
Did Eli have to crush his Bat-sicle while being Heston? It seems disrespectful and clearly a waste of good ice cream…

3 replies · active 110 weeks ago

lou's avatar

lou · 110 weeks ago

He’s gonna regret that when it leaks into his eye.
Casey's avatar

Casey · 110 weeks ago

Farscape, enough said.

3 replies · active 110 weeks ago

Jon's avatar

Jon · 110 weeks ago

+1

Of course Farscape and Defiance have producer Rockne S O’Bannon in common

LeoP's avatar

LeoP · 110 weeks ago

I have recently started re watching FarScape for the first time since it ran on TV. I just finished season one. I thought that most of the aliens fell into the sad trope that Star Trek did… most of them are humanoid bipeds except for a few specific puppets. Having said that, I honestly respect their attempt at making Rygel and Pilot real characters despite their lack of traditional human-like proportions. Still… I want to see more varied non-human-look-alike humans.
Candace's avatar

Candace · 110 weeks ago

Although I haven’t re-watched FarScape as you recently have, I would say that some of the superficially humanoid aliens ultimately turned out to more deeply weird over time than they seemed at first – examples being Zhaan and Noranti.
katznhund's avatar

katznhund · 110 weeks ago

As a former resident of St. Louis, I just have to say that last panel is good stuff.

1 reply · active 109 weeks ago

Im glad my hastily researched sports facts we’re offensive.
melchar's avatar

melchar · 110 weeks ago

Another shout out for Babylon 5. The alien/human dynamic was excellent and the storyline is still satisfying now. A lot of other science fiction shows ‘age out’, but B5 remains re-watchable.
As a former resident of Los Angeles who grew up when the Rams was OUR team, St. Louis has all my sympathy..
BluesFan's avatar

BluesFan · 110 weeks ago

What about the Blues? Hockey, sir!
Mr C's avatar

Mr C · 110 weeks ago

Actually the pilot episode of defiance is almost the same as the pilot for eureka (RIP)
http://www.memecenter.com/fun/1341067/defiance-an…

2 replies · active 110 weeks ago

You’re an awful person for linking to that site
Mr C's avatar

Mr C · 110 weeks ago

At least it isn’t 9gag
Doctor Who! Who doesn’t love the Daleks?
But i know most of the aliens they have are humanoid types like Star Trek and Farscape.

2 replies · active 110 weeks ago

WhoFan's avatar

WhoFan · 110 weeks ago

I disagree there.. The new run of Doctor Who certainly has its share of humanoid aliens, however the originals (re: the first 7 doctors) had a plethora of non-humanoids. Mostly still rubber-suited people, but definitely not human shaped. Unfortunately, none of them really continue to be used in future episodes, so they are canon but not integrated species.
I’ve only seen bits and pieces of the old series, not enough to really know all the aliens they had included. But that’s pretty awesome to hear that had odd shaped aliens.

I feel that one of the reasons why there are so many humanoid aliens is because it’s easier and cheaper to slab makeup on an actor.

WhoFan, They did bring back the Ice Warriors, who knows maybe Moffat has a few other reunions up his sleeve?

It’s on SyFy. The best I can hope for is that it doesn’t completely embarrass the genre.
DS9 shouldn’t be exempt since it had characters like Dukat, Garak, Quark, Odo, Kira, etc. As for shows where the aliens that don’t act human at all, I can’t really think of any. Even shows like Farscape had aliens with human like traits.

As for Defiance, there’s definitely a Babylon 5 vibe to it. The characters are interesting and have potential. However, the show does have its problems. The pilot was pretty predictable and there are some continuity issues that they need to address. Just a few potential continuity problems that I noticed:

The mayor said in this week’s episode that they drove out the Irathients with cold-fire weapons but during the battle in the last episode, they only had earth weapons and no alien weapons.

What happened to all the Volge wreckage from the battle? Shouldn’t they be scavenging the battlefield for tech and weapons that they can use?

The deputy was assigned to investigate who set Ben free and hired him to destroy the town but he just forgot about it and decided to save the guy who was being tortured.

They stopped Ben from blowing up the nuclear power plant but the power plant is still there so they better deal with it in the future or the bad guys could just send someone else to blow up the power plant.

BowtiesAreCool's avatar

BowtiesAreCool · 110 weeks ago

Stargate SG-1 pulled the “we populated the universe…mostly” so when there were aliens, they usually were good because all the budget went into making the costumes.

Atlantis had the Wraith, and they were scary albino witch vampires…so there is that.

wwlaos's avatar

wwlaos · 110 weeks ago

I can’t say I was “disappointed” by the pilot because, really, I expected worse, but I still thought it was terrible. Haven’t bothered to watch the second episode yet, but I’ll probably get around to that eventually.

As for shows treating aliens as real characters, obviously Star Tre -*reads the rest of your blurb* … you and me, we come from different worlds. 😐

1 reply · active 109 weeks ago

The Unknown FB's avatar

The Unknown FB · 109 weeks ago

Actually, it helped if you Wiki’ed (if that’s a word now) about the show to read up on the background…but that doesn’t help the casual viewer who should be learning about the backstory (in broad strokes) PDQ into the show.
Of Star Trek, my favorite was the episode of ST: TNG where Geordi LaForge joins the crew of the Enterprise. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go watch it. I’m not going to spoil it. I like the use of metaphysics to explain a theory of sentient evolution (that I’m sure most real physicists don’t really believe in). The effects, for their time, were pretty decent, and the drama and suspense were ratcheted up for that part.

In general…I think maybe Star Wars. Sadly, most of the movies did not focus much on the non-humanoids, or even the weirder humanoids, but between the Ewoks, the Mon Calamari, the various ruffians of Tatooine and the casual way alien reptiles were used as beasts of burden (and cavalry – apparently Taun Tauns were just hairy reptiles…somehow).

In the extended universe, many of these less human characters were free to roam around in the spotlight or as an integral part of the background noise of life in the galaxy. Of course, the quality of writing wasn’t always up to the task, but you can forgive a man his first love.

The Thing.

It was actually a free form jazz artist, but no one could comprehend the beat.

anxiety.junkie's avatar

anxiety.junkie · 110 weeks ago

It may be a weird choice, but I always thought Alien Nation was a great movie/series; especially when it was discovered that they had 3 genders.
Julie Benz is back on television? Why does nobody tell me these things?

Does it suck more or less than No Ordinary Family?

3 replies · active 109 weeks ago

DuckAmuck's avatar

DuckAmuck · 109 weeks ago

It sucks less. I think. It’s difficult to compare 2 different genres, 2 different “networks”.
Her character is a lot like her character from Dexter, but without all the abusive past and children.
I like it, based on the pilot. Like Alien Nation filtered through Orguss and Warhammer 40k with some character-notes from Enemy Mine.
NOTHING sucks more than No Ordinary Family except for maybe The Cape.
Mass Effect has more alieney aliens than anything else I’ve seen. Elcor, hanar, geth. Crazypants.
This is just a test, I’ll delete it in a moment.
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Ghost Protocol

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Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts, nerdy shirts

The newly relaunched HE Store is up and running over at Blind Ferret. Please go check it out and maybe buy a book or a shirt or something. Shirts will begin shipping soon.

After getting rave reviews for season 4.5, shooting all of season 5 (to air next year) and getting picked up for at least a 6 episode 6th season, Eureka got up-picked up and cancelled. Normally I would nerd-rage against SyFy or its parent company NBC/Universal or their new parent company Kabletown… err, Comcast for being short sighted or too focused on profits at the expense of quality, but this time it’s a little different. This is the first prematurely cancelled show I’ve enjoyed  where I’ve had multiple friends working on said show. Amy Berg, pictured in the panels above, is the co-executive producer and a writer on Eureka, and Wil (as most of you know) plays Dr. Issaac Parrish on the show. So instead of spitting indignant geek venom all over the internet, I’ve decided instead to focus on my friends, the great show they’ve created and what they’ve (we’ve) lost.

At San Diego Comic-Con this year I went to the Eureka screening with Amy and our friend Dammit Liz. As we watched the never-before-seen episode I found myself getting nervous. What if the crowd didn’t respond well? What if I didn’t laugh enough? The lady right next to me made this show! Luckily the crowd loved it, and lack of laughter was not an issue. It was a great episode and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Still it made me realize that geek TV was starting to fall off of the unattainable pedestal I had always kept it on. Sitting next to a television writer as she laughs at her own show then criticizes the use of high heels in an action scene where high heels would have actually caused the character to die was sobering and served to humanize the whole experience.

The show was larger than life (especially since it was being projected on a 50ft wide screen), but at the same time it was very small and personal. I was surrounded by the crew that worked on the episode and I realized I had never before seen a TV show reflected on the faces of the very group of people that made it. Immediately afterward I turned to the writer, Ed Fowler, and congratulated him on a job well done. TV had never really been this accessible to me. After the screening the writers and crew gathered outside the hall for a congratulatory huddle and group hug. They were proud of their work and proud of each other. That experience is why I’m viewing the cancellation of Eureka differently than say, SG:U or Terminator: TSCC. I loved those shows, but all I knew of them was the finished product. The gloss and polish. Thanks to Amy, Wil, Ed and the other Eureka crew members I met, I see this show in a different light. I feel like instead of a show being cancelled, a family is being broken up. I realize that is not a unique occurrence within the Hollywood machine, but it was the first one I was even tangentially close to and it saddens me.

Still, fans of Eureka do have some 19 or so episodes to look forward to. That is probably the longest run for an already cancelled show that you have ever gotten or ever will get. At least it gives us time to get used to the idea. And at least Syfy IS giving them one extra episode to wrap things up. My guess? Eureka is purgatory and they’ve all been dead the entire time.

COMMENTERS: DO NOT SEND ANYONE FROM EUREKA YOUR IDEAS/GUESSES FOR THE FINALE!!! THEY REALLY DO HAVE TO BLOCK YOU IF YOU DO! NO JOKE. Still, I bet you could post your ideas here, on my site and nobody would get in trouble. Probably.

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Failed Enterprises

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Preorder HijiNKS ENSUE Book 2!!!HEY LOOK AT THIS: This is your LAST WEEK to order an Ultimate Fancy Edition of Book 2 AND get your name in the book. Files go to the printer on January 15th. After that you will still be able to order a UFE but you will NOT be listed in the book on the Fancy Bastard Wall Of Fancy Fame.
ORDER THAT FREAKIN’ BOOK, YO!

Don’t want a stupid book? Check out The HE Store!

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: HijiNKS ENSUE is 5 days a week now. Read more HERE.

SyFy has been airing Star Trek V: The Final Frontier and Star Trek: Nemesis back to back for several days now. That’s so ballsy, it’s almost like they want you to believe THEY think it’s a good idea. Bold. Very bold, Syfy. We get it. You have weapons and you’re willing to use them. This is the Cable TV equivalent of North Korea shooting a missile into the ocean. There isn’t a specific target, but they want to make sure we know they are armed and they are not to be fucked with.

Sometimes I wonder how self aware SyFy actually is. They produce fantastic shows like Eureka and Stargate SG:U (until they cancel them), but they also greenlight 40 or 50 poorly rendered CG monster-of-the-week movies like Crocodozer Vs. Dinocopter every day. Do they realize how most Trekkies feel about those two Star Trek movies in particular? Is that why they decided to combine them into a 4 hours rock block of pain and suffering? Or does whichever program directer made that call have absolutely no idea how amusing and unfortunate his choice was?

Nemesis and The Final Frontier suffer from a lot of same flaws. Namely, each had a director that cared nothing about the previous legacy of Star Trek. Nemesis was directed by Stuart Baird, who admittedly knew nothing of the franchise and cut over a third of the film which featured key character developments in favor of more pointless action scenes, and The Final Frontier had William Shatner. I don’t think Shatner purposefully wanted to sabotage Star Trek as a franchise, but he’s an awful director and I don’t think he could see past his own ego to realize he was taking on a task for which he was not qualified. Though he was only part of the reason Star Trek V was unwatchable. The script was ridiculous, the FX were garage-quality and plotwise, some stuff happens that doesn’t matter to people you don’t care about, and then it’s over. It was a deeply flawed film.

Commenters: What other movie combinations might SyFy air back to back for maximum sadness payload? Feel free to give your opinions about what exactly went wrong with Trek’s 5 and 10 and how they might have been fixed (honestly, there’s no saving Final Frontier. You can’t polish a space turd).