Consumed By Flames

“Golly gee-whiz, Nihilism Dad, you always know just what to say to make me realize how futile our petty existence, how insignificant our place in the Universe, how pointless everything we are IS. You’re the best! I’m gonna go steal from a sick person because fuck it!”

Dearest Sharksploders, please help me get my Patreon over the $2000 hump. Comics is my full time job, but it doesn’t currently pay full time money. I’ve been doing a lot of freelance work lately (which distracts me from making comics) to make ends meet, and I’ve agreed to attend more conventions this year than I really feel comfortable with (which REALLY distracts me from making comics) out of financial fear. Every little bit helps and is QUITE appreciated.



Our Crowning Achievement

“Except for sometimes, when it doesn’t go far away. Then it just goes into a big metal bucket under the front yard and a truck has to come by every once in awhile to take it far away. So what kinda mileage you get on that space car? That a V8? V6? Whatcha’ got there? A flesh vaporizin’ ray gun?”

It would mean a lot to me if you signed up for Patreon and supported me there. Comics is my full time job, but it currently just barely pays full time money. Every little bit helps.


With this comic, I had two ideas along the same theme and sketched them both out. My Patrons got to see my alternate take on this comic’s theme! Were you such a Patron, you would have bonus comics as well!

I try to remind myself often to be thankful for plumbing. Not just plumbing, but INDOOR plumbing. I don’t have to go down the street to poop, or stand in line or wade through a crocodile infested river or anything! All I have to do is go to the room in my house that we’ve decided is the one place it’s ok to poop (I don’t remember voting on this, but there seems to be a pretty clear consensus among my family members and even our occasional guests) and do whatever disgusting thing comes natural.

In the uncomfortably recent past, people had to endure all sorts of ordeals just to poop and then get away from it. Sometimes they couldn’t get away from it at all! Other times they would get away from theirs only to be immediately confronted with someone else’s! MANY someones else! In Victorian England, you’d toss the contents of your poop pot into the god damn street, and be all, “Well, at least I don’t have to deal with my own poops anymore,” just as some other Victorian knob tosses their poops right out in front of you! Now you’re dealing with STRANGE POOPS! This is the worst kind of poops to deal with. It’s bad enough when they’re familiar. It’s a whole different story when they previously belonged to your neighbors and other various Victorian randos.

Indoor plumbing is a miracle. A fragile, beautiful, FRAGILE miracle. I say “fragile” because I know how much infrastructure is involved in keeping the pipes zooming the dooks away from the places where our children and pets sleep. When society starts to crumble in… let’s call it an even 15 years, we (just like the Pope) will be shitting in the woods. Then nobody’s gonna want to go in the woods. “Those woods were pretty nice, before the fall of Mankind,” they’ll say as they tear their neighbors trachea out with their bare hands because they heard the neighbor was hoarding clean water. “Yep, real sham about those woods,” they’ll mutter, arms awash in throat blood.

Oh, did you not know we were going to be killing each other over water before the current slate of Marvel movies has been released? Well, we are. If you need more evidence than the fact that we fill our toilets with clean drinking water when a billion Indians don’t even have access to the stuff, then… I don’t know, you’re dumb I guess. “Yep, we used to poop in water. CLEAN water! Can you believe it?” you’ll regale the tales of old to the children. “The hubris! Can you believe the hub-NO, Jacob! With the thumbs! Use your thumbs to poke his eyes into his brain! If he can’t see, he can’t stop us from taking his water rations! THAT’s it! Now you’re gouging!” At least you’ll still be able to spend time with the kids.

Science Officer To The Bridge

The IRL Saturn presentation was yesterday, and Kiddo did great. She presented all her research (this fact was my favorite), passed around the info about our Solar system that Bobak sent her, then she fielded questions from her classmates. One kid asked why they couldn’t walk on the rings of Saturn and she said, “Because my Mommy said so.” Another kid asked why God would make a planet out of gas, Kiddo just sort of stared at her and the teacher popped in with, “He can make anything.” So… yay for science?

BIG BIG NEWS! I have started a Patreon! 


Pledge at $3, $5, $10, $20, $50 or $100 a month and you will be supporting me being able to do what I love for a living: Making comics.

With each Milestone Goal you’ll get MORE COMICS EACH WEEK (we are dangerously close to unlocking a real M/W/F update schedule, with 4 and 5 comics per week down the road), more eBooks, more videos, exclusive Google Hangouts and LOTS MORE (maybe even a return of the HijiNKS ENSUE Podcast!). Patreon makes managing the updates and rewards super simple.

Patreon is essentially replacing my Paypal recurring donations, so feel free to switch over. For the full rundown, read my blog post HERE, or just watch the video on MY PATREON PAGE which explains everything in 3.5 minutes. Kiddo has a cameo and it’s crazy adorable.

HijiNKS ENSUE Patreon Video


On the 2nd day we went past $350, so I uploaded this video of me and my daughter covering Adventure Time Songs as a thank you.

HijiNKS ENSUE Daddy Daughter Adventure TIme Covers


To Go, Boldly

Check out these things: My Store, The Sharksplode Store, My Wife’s Geeky Jewelry Etsy Shop.

Speaking of supporting HijiNKS ENSUE, I’ve had some very interesting and exciting talks with the guys at Patreon (you might have seen the Google Hangout I did with Jack Conte where he talked all about it), and I’m hoping to have some news for you Monday of next week.

This begins a subplot of the current storyline that very closely resembles real life events. For a while in first grade my daughter was finishing her work too fast and getting bored at school. The teacher suggested she take on some independent projects where she study a subject that interested her and present her findings to the class. She was all freaking over this idea. The first one was about dolphins.  For her second project she decided to learn about her favorite planet, Saturn. I mentioned this on twitter and a bemohawked friend of mine offered to provide some insider info on the subject straight from the spacehorse’s mouth. She had, and continues to have no idea how cool this is. The project is coming along nicely and she’s almost ready to present it to her class. Having a curious kid is pretty rad.

Planet Earth Is Blue And There’s Nothing I Can Do

Recording a music video of Bowie’s “Space Oddity” IN OUTER MOTHER FUCKING SPACE is mankind’s most baller achievement. Hats off… rather space helmets off to you, Commander Hadfield. Though I do fear his actions will usher in the coming Anime Apocalypse by creating the universe’s first actual outer space pop star. Alls I’m saying is when a cyborg cat-girl from the future and a plucky robot sidekick with plasma cannons for arms start doing backup vocals for the good Commander, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

COMMETNERS: What song would you have to sing at what location/time/historical event to approach the epicness of Commander Hadfield’s performance?

Comments (15)

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Craig's avatar

Craig · 109 weeks ago

“Time Warp” in the TARDIS while facing Daleks.

3 replies · active 109 weeks ago

Nathan's avatar

Nathan · 109 weeks ago

Did not read that as “facing” the first time. Not sure where my brain pulled a “k” from, either.

Twould be epic, though.

Ali's avatar

Ali · 109 weeks ago

It’s the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane.
lou's avatar

lou · 109 weeks ago

I would think the Doctor’s favorite Bowie song would be “Changes”.
Lori's avatar

Lori · 109 weeks ago

I was reluctant to watch the video when I first saw it, because it sounded so gimmicky. But honestly, it was very affecting. And to me, the most important part was that he could really sing! As Josh points out, he’s no David Bowie, but he does manage not to completely pale in comparison, which I consider quite an achievement.
Derek's avatar

Derek · 109 weeks ago

Jeff A's avatar

Jeff A · 109 weeks ago

I thought Jeff Bridges was the Star Man

2 replies · active 109 weeks ago

Liz's avatar

Liz · 109 weeks ago

That’s just, like, your opinion, man.
Candace's avatar

Candace · 109 weeks ago

No, Jeff Bridges is The Dude.
If there is ever a manned mission to Mars, its theme song will naturally have to be Hagar’s “Marching to Mars.”

1 reply · active 109 weeks ago

Not “Life on Mars”?
Ali's avatar

Ali · 109 weeks ago

Did you see the duet with Ed from Barenaked Ladies? “ISS (Is Someone Singing).” That one made me tear up a little.

Fun fact: When I was little, I confused Dave Bowman from “2001: A Space Odyssey” with David Bowie because their names are similar and also all the stuff about space and stars.

I’d give my left nut to see C3P0 sing Domo Arigato Mr Roboto in front of a WalMart.

And then say “I’ve wasted my left nut!”

lou's avatar

lou · 109 weeks ago

That guy’s song is great! It even got David Bowie’s approval on Twitter! And since it’s Bowie related, expect it to be a punch line in a joke on The Venture Brothers any day now.