Blast you, Wheaton! Stop daring me to draw comics based on my own tweets! I will do it every time! I can’t… I can’t resist your eyes. Those wonderful eyes. Like two pulsars being extinguished in a pint of Guinness.
If any Dallas area Fancy Bastards want to have a meet-up after the show I am game. Respond with your intentions in the comments.
Concerning this comic, the point I am trying to make is that no matter which way you look at it The Goonies did not have a happy ending. Not in the slightest. Before we talk about Chunk’s fatal act of kindness towards a gentle but fiercely strong beast-man, let’s discuss the “resolution” of the main plot of the film. The kids go on an adventure to find “rich stuff” in order to save their shit hole town from being turned into a much nicer place to live. Blah blah blah, murderers, blah blah, pirate caves, etc etc and they end up with one marble bag full of pirate treasure (seemingly all precious stones) worth an indeterminate amount of money. And I don’t want to get off on a tangent here, but WHY DID THEY LET THE SHIP GO?! “You see this bag of pirate treasure? There’s like a million billion more pieces of it on that ship out there. You know that ship. The one we can see. It’s maybe a half a mile out, just drifting out to sea. Yeah, that’s the one. Should we… no, you’re right. Best to let Poseidon reclaim her.”