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My Hands Felt Just Like Two Balloons

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I’ve been sick for the last few days. This particular recurring, seasonal illness bares such a resemblance to both A) A REALLY bad allergy attack and B) actual viral illness that I never really know what I have. Luckily the treatment for both is the same. Lots of sleep, fluids, procrastination of work-related responsibilities, complaining and Seinfeld reruns. So that’s how I’ve been spending my time. Oh, and I also made you:

A NEW EPISODE OF THE HIJINKS ENSUE PODCAST!!!
Episode 88 – Wizardo And The Hot Dog Guy. Listen to the ep, then check out Alex’s fancy Photoshoppery which deftly illustrate one of our bits.

To get into more about exactly how miserable I am, I would like to explain how unbearably shitty I feel. Sometimes (often in fact) my cat, Replay, will eat his dry food so fast that he almost immediately throws it up on the carpet. Never one to let a hot meal (how NOW, anyway) go to waste he usually gobbles down nearly all of the pre-eaten partially digested mess then goes about his marry way. These 12 hours naps aren’t going to take themselves, you know. I say he re-eats NEARLY all of the food, because he usually leaves somewhere between 10 and 15 nuggets of food to resolidify on the floor and become one with the carpet’s collective hive mind. I feel like THAT food. I feel like I have been eaten, thrown up, left to stew in my own juices and a healthy portion of feline bile for a few minutes, then nibbled at and pushed around with a coarse cat tongue for a few minutes, only to be ultimately judged unworthy of a second eating and left to crack and dry on the unforgiving carpet never to fulfill my purpose. The rejection at the end it what really seals the deal in determining which is worse: The twice eaten food, or the once eaten, once vomited, eternally rejected food.

In the next comic I think I’ll get into how much of a mistake it was to take a handful of allergy meds AND cold meds at the same time, hoping they would just figure it out for themselves. Listen to the podcast linked above to hear what I sound like while trying to forge coherent thoughts under their influences. This will be a short storyline. 3 or 4 comics at most.

COMMENTERS: What’s the worst thing you ever had to do while sick? Or rather, what’s the thing that you did that you REALLY should have stayed home from due to illness?

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Guest Comic By Sam Logan Of Sam & Fuzzy

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“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic]


NYCC Guest Week is in full effect!

I am at New York Comic-Con with Blind Ferret at Booth #1821 this weekend  (10-13 to 10-16). I will trade awkward stares for confusing winks and t-shirts, sketches, prints and books for stacks and stacks of monies. I will be giving out free “Sci-Fives” all weekend [the hand gesture, not the t-shirt].

Joel Watson of Geek webcomic HijiNKS ENSUE at New York Comic Con 2011

Sam Logan of Sam and Fuzzy understands my struggle. It isn’t enough to just juxtapose two elements of pop culture and wait for the delicious LOLs to roll in. You have to find a reason WHY the juxtaposition is funny. The equation must have a result other than “I know both’o thems things.” It’s not enough to say, “What if Batman was in Starfleet?” Because he would… wait… what IF Batman WAS in Starfleet?! I… I have have to go start a new comic.

Sam Logan has the unique distinction of being one of the 4 or 5 Canadians I know. He also makes essentially the best Harry Potter T-shirt the word has ever seen, and draws caves like nobody’s business. Not to mention he is one of my favorite convention buddies in all of comicdom. I take immense pleasure in improving his merchandise, and helping his create horrifying characters [scroll down to the blog post] and t-shirts that no one would ever want.

COMMENTERS: Following Sam’s example, come up with your own terrible pop-culture mashup. Puns are encouraged. Actually being funny for the right reasons is not.

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No Disassemble Visitation Rights

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I posted a remark in the previous comic about Johnny 5 walking out on WALL-E and his mom. Almost immediately I wanted to see this SciFi/Lifetime movie play out. So there you go.I imagine it was tough for Jonathan 5 after “Short Circuit 2.” There were rumors of a 3rd installment, “Short Circuit 3: Rise of The Machines,” but eventually  Steve Gutenberg stopped returning his calls. He crashed on Fisher Stevens’ couch for a while but things didn’t work out. One dead end job after another and… well, you see what his life is like now.

Even though Cheryl’s moved on with her life, she carries the scars of their tumultuous relationship with her. Literally. After giving birth to a 16″ steel cube with tank feet and a plasma cutter she’s pretty much ruined… in the lady business.

I would like to see a “VH1 Behind the…” series about 80’s kitsch movie icons.

  • The Gremlins: Hunted Nearly to Extinction
  • Sloth: The Carnival Years
  • Teen Wolf: Cocaine, Coitus, Crabs and Cocaine