Just Before The Dawn

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I know this comic doesn’t make any sense. At Shitty Movie night at Josh IRL’s house we watched Mutant Zombie Vampires From The ‘Hood, starring one Mr. C. Thomas Howell. During a particularly unsexy “sex” scene featuring Mr. Howell I yelled out Josh’s lines from panels 2 and 3 above. Those familiar with Howell’s work in Red Dawn should be somewhat less perplexed than those who aren’t. The aforementioned 98% of you that aren’t should feel free to remain confused and keep making that face. Yes. That’s the one.

MZVFTH would be an excellent Shitty Movie Night flick if not for two major drawbacks: 1) The dialog is almost completely inaudible. While this doesn’t normally affect your potential enjoyment of this type of movie, it gets old really quick. Especially because the gun shot sound effects (both of them) are played at ear splitting levels roughly 100,000 times over 90 minutes. And 2) The film does not contain the titular vampires. It seems to contain mutants which could be construed as zombies, actual zombies, and possibly even mutant zombies. But it doesn’t contain any sort of vampire. Though the characters do occasionally refer to the zombies as vampires for no discernable reason. This is just false advertising on the part of the film makers and I won’t stand for it.

Let’s get back to C. Thomas Howell. As a youth he starred in Red Dawn, a film about the Russians attacking U.S. soil at the end of the cold war and being defeated by a rag-tag group of kids, and Soul Man, possibly the only film made after 1948 to feature a main character in black-face. The old saying must be true. Once you go black-face, you never come back-face. Because after Soul Man, Howell’s career took a bit of a nose dive. He didn’t work less, so to speak. In fact the quantity of his output skyrocketed. The quality? Not so much. Though the film he is best known for, Red Dawn, is getting a big budget Hollywood remake for a 2011 release. If you ask me, they should of gone for the gusto and remade Soul Man, but this time instead of a white guy pretending to be a black man they could do a couple of black guys pretending to be whiteOMG WHITE CHICKS THE WAYANSES ALREADY DID THAT BLUGHLBLUGHLBLUGHL. Never mind.