The Archivist

The HijiNKS ENSUE Store is the place for where you can buy my books and shirts and plushies and what not. GO AT IT!

Here’s a follow up to THIS COMIC (in case you missed that one). Eli’s movie hoarding is a very real thing. He has hundreds, if not thousands of disc-based entertainment units at his home. Though Eli’s reasoning as displayed in the comic above is my own. I’ve always felt that the phone is going to ring and the president is going to tell me the Earth has 20 minutes left, my family has won passage on the Spark Ark and I am in charge of ensuring the continuity of popular culture with regard to film for the future civilizations that will occupy our generation ship as it searches for a new home among the stars. You know? That common fear that regular people have.

Because of this, I have always tried to own a copy of every movie I consider to be the most important. The Princess Bride, Ghostbusters, Back To The Future, American Psycho, Dances With Wolves, There Will Be Blood, Stand By Me, The Wrath Of Khan… the list goes on. The importance of the film usually determines the format in which I preserve it. The “good” movies get a DVD backup to my home file server. The “better” movies get the DVD backup and a physical DVD copy (meaning I already own it back from when DVD’s were the hot shit) and the “BEST” movies get all of that plus the physical DVD copy has been replaced with a Blu Ray copy (which usually comes with another DVD copy and a useless-DRM’d-expires-after-a-certain-time digital copy). I’m sure it won’t be long before I am rebuying Se7en and Fight Club on Holographic Neural Interface Cubes (HNICs) or Cultured Petri Dish Sentient Spore Colonies (Sony doesn’t allow that one to be abbreviated), but for now I am happy to have The Dark Knight in HD/Surround Sound in a bug out bag ready for the cataclysmic call.

COMMENTERS: Which movies go on your Space Ark list? 

Comments (31)

Kier's avatar

Kier· 102 weeks ago

Time Bandits. It would be on my ark for myriad reasons, but most importantly because I’d probably be the only one to take it on my ark.
bubujin_2's avatar

bubujin_2· 102 weeks ago

The Lord of the Rings trilogy–but the extended version, not the theatrical release version.
Videostoreguy's avatar

Videostoreguy· 102 weeks ago

There are some things that must be edited for the sake of a reborn humanity. Anything with Lindsay Lohan is a good start.
scarlettb's avatar

scarlettb· 102 weeks ago

Loads of Cary Grant/Katherine Hepburn/etc type films. Specifically, Charade, Adam’s Rib, Bringing Up Baby, His Girl Friday.
Greg's avatar

Greg· 102 weeks ago

Ooooh 12 Monkeys. One of these days, when I watch it James is going to not be shot at the airport, stop Dr Peters and live happily ever after in the past with Kathryn. Fingers crossed for next time!
Cherie's avatar

Cherie· 102 weeks ago

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead. I will never stop recommending this film.
Jenn Jamison's avatar

Jenn Jamison· 102 weeks ago

For would be Labyrinth, Deep Blue Sea, and The Resident Evil Series. Oh, and we can’t forget Lord Of The Rings Extended Versions.
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. Like all the greatest tragedies in history, we must never forget.
Casablanca, Citizen Kane, The Third Man, The Man in the White Suit, The Graduate, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, 2001, High Sierra, Ice Cold in Alex,
Oh and No Limit, not because it’s a great film (it’s not even a great George Formby film) but because it’s set (rather than filmed) in the Isle of Man and is therefore our only hope of filmic immortality.

4 replies · active 102 weeks ago

Tim Harris's avatar

Tim Harris· 102 weeks ago

Weren’t the Thomas the Tank Engine stories set on the Isle of Man? I’m old enough to remember a screen version with Ringo Starr’s voiceover, and I seem to recall it was fairly true to the books.
Adam D.'s avatar

Adam D.· 102 weeks ago

It was the Isle of Sodor, but… nice try 🙂
Tim Harris's avatar

Tim Harris· 102 weeks ago

Yes – that was the hint that it was actually set on the Isle of Man.
w00hoo's avatar

w00hoo· 102 weeks ago

Not ‘TT : Closer to the Edge’ what it actually being filmed there?
The original original trilogy, the one that actually revolutionized filmmaking back when it came out in the 70s and 80s and not any of the things that followed.
Also the entire collection of Monty Python’s Flying Circus, including the fourth season. And Ghostbusters, but not the sequel. Am I watching the things in the archive? Because I need The Hunt for Red October, Get Shorty, and The Fifth Element as well. The archive needs movies that were pretty good but also kinda bad.

Also, is Eli hiring? I work in a lab with tools now, but his lab and tools sound better.

2 replies · active 102 weeks ago

Candace's avatar

Candace· 102 weeks ago

Don’t forget Monty Python and the Holy Grail and Monty Python’s Life of Bryan. I would also add the entirety of Fawlty Towers. Some of those eps were so funny I hurt myself laughing.
What about Monty Python and The Meaning of Life? That has a few messages to pass down to the future, like the meaning of life.
I’m more into TV shows than movies, but …

Bedazzled – the 1967 original with Dudley Moore and Peter Cook, NOT the execrable remake.


Does the miniseries of Shogun count as a “movie”? I say it does.

TRON and TRON Legacy.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Chicken Run.

Legally Blonde.

Flash Gordon. (Yes, the ’80s version with the Queen soundtrack.)

How to Train Your Dragon.

Running Cool (NOT “Cool Runnings” – very different things.)

Spinal Tap!

They Live.

Time Bandits.

Yellow Submarine.

Little Shop of Horrors (the Frank Oz version).

Hard Target and Brain Donors.
Bryce's avatar

Bryce· 102 weeks ago

Men In Black 1 and 3, Alien, Aliens, Princess Bride, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Last Crusade, Blues Brothers, Blazing Saddles
You need a few “obscurities”…

“The President’s Analyst” contained so much truth, both for its time, the 60s, and for today (the President’s NEED for regular psychotherapy, American spy agencies fighting each other more than fighting enemies, implantable micro-telephones created by an evil Phone Company, and the immortal line “I’ m NOT paranoid, your really ARE all spies!”) plus James Coburn NOT playing a superspy, Godfrey Cambridge, Severn Darden and a very young William “KITT” Daniels

“Silent Running” was the only sci-fi movie that correctly predicted environmental collapse AND had Bruce Dern go bonkers for a good purpose

“Head”, the Monkees and Jack Nicholson do dada. Nuff said.

“Drop Dead Fred” was Rik Mayall’s true tour-de-force and the most accurate depiction of what happens when you grow up but your imaginary friends don’t fade away (don’t ask me how I know – also ‘Foster’s Home’ owes everything to this movie)

“Wagons East” a showcase of cringeworthy stereotypes played for laughs, an even better deconstruction of Westerns than “Blazing Saddles” (IMO) and John Candy’s last movie

animation would be best represented by “The Iron Giant” and the “Wallace & Grommet” move (and maybe “Over the Hedge”, Dreamworks’ highest-grossing release NOT to get several sequels and William Shatner’s greatest performance)

These are the movies I show to any friends who declare themselves bored with current media… and they never talk about it again.

Princess Bride, bitches!

/end thread

pablos's avatar

pablos· 102 weeks ago

Usual Suspects, Saving Private Ryan, Ninja Scroll, Flying High (Airplane to the Seppos out there), LotR Extended versions, The Departed, Nolan’s Batman Trilogy, Toy Story, The Great Escape, 28 Days Later
w00hoo's avatar

w00hoo· 102 weeks ago

Little Miss Sunshine.
Reservoir Dogs.
Restless Natives.

And that will do.

There’s a bit of everything there. Some tight story telling, some fantastic car chases, Scottish scenery with Big Country playing over the top. Real tears (if you can watch the final run of the Clown and the Wolfman through Edinburgh and not cry you are clinically dead). Some blood and some knob jokes. Perfection.

The first 3 Star Wars films (though none of the prequels)
Every other Star Trek film
Gross Point Blank
The Avengers (though not necessarily the lead-ups)

but most importantly, Idiocracy — It will be vitally important in the post-apocalyptic future that we have a very good example of what NOT to do!

1 · active 101 weeks ago

Beer’s everything to Eli XD

Hmmm… Bill & Ted, the original Star Wars trilogy, Serenity, Batman (both the 60s and Burton’s versions), Spaceballs, Silent Movie, pretty much every other Mel Brooks movie, Star Trek: Of Gods and Men, the Crayon Shin-chan films–subbed only

Chaucer59's avatar

Chaucer59· 99 weeks ago

There Will Be Blood? Really? The milkshake scene wasp pretty good, but I couldn’t stay awake through most of it. I’ll never understand that thing winning awards. The theater audience where I saw it ( the ones who stayed–half of the walked out at the halfway point) actually booed the film and left the theater cursing its director to various levels of hell.

1 · active 97 weeks ago

They were all old-timey oil tycoons, and didn’t approve of the way they were portrayed. It’s just the kind of neighborhood you live in.

Don’t Shoot An Exploding Arrow Into The Messenger

When Burma is overrun with roving bands of unarmed civilians and children, there is only one man they can call. John Rambo will indiscriminately blow up everyone and everything until there is nothing left, and then he will go home. No questions asked. Also sometimes he will use a knife, but his knife also makes people blow up. He’s just that good.


Monsters Inc 2 Parody Boo Print

Expertly colored by Silkspinner from Complex Actions, who you may also remember from THIS GUEST COMIC.

$15 + shipping.
Printed at 11″X17″ on high quality stock.
Suitable for framing.

If you enjoy HE and and would like to show your support for the comic or The Experiment, please consider getting a book or shirt in the store or making a donation.

[Edward shirts now at Topatoco!]

I was more impressed when I thought it said “milliseconds”

Josh and Eli invited me to the new “Rambo” movie, but the 24 hour baby sitting service I use doesn’t exist so we had to pass. A fellow Corn Mo fan at posted a Rambo Death Chart. It’s a special movie if a Death Chart is a useful record keeping tool. “Driving Ms. Daisy” did not require such a chart.

This is my favorite part:

(click for original via /Film)

Josh emailed me late that night with his review:

start with the crazy violence in Ricky-Oh, only using modern techniques that basically make it look real, then multiply that by about 100, you get the new Rambo.



Me and eli were freaking out in the theater it was so sweet.


This paints a picture of school girl enthusiasm that I envy, rather than pity. I’ll also take this opportunity to make sure that anyone who enjoys a good TERRIBLE kung fu movie that makes absolutely no sense and is completely perfect in every way knows about Ricky-Oh“, or “The Story of Ricky”.

This is a minimal amount of blood for Ricky-Oh.

I won’t spoil what happens to this guy.

If you can’t find a copy of this movie (and I suggest you try), you can see the short version or just the dead bodies on YouTube. Josh showed me this movie the first time we hung out, thus setting the stage for our entire friendship.