2013-04-23-lo-fijinks-clark-has-two-daddies

Clark Has Two Daddies

2013-04-23-lo-fijinks-clark-has-two-daddies

Discount HE shirts with super closeout deals! Come on down to Uncle HijiNKS T-Shirtery and clothe your naked corpse in haha’s!

These things are facts: The new Man Of Steel trailer makes that movie look like a thing that A) I would enjoy watching and B) perhaps be the first non embarrassing live-action Superman movie ever. Additionally, I will never get over what I saw Amy Adams do to Philip Seymour Hoffman’s daddy-pouch in The Master. It was like she was hastily sifting through a pile of loose meat, discarding the fat and gristle, and the pile of meat was depressed about the whole ordeal. Here’s hoping if Lois Lane gives Supes a handy in MoS, that it’s done without all that Paul Thomas Anderson “LOOK SOCIETY! THIS IS YOU! YOU ARE GROSS!” flair.

Speaking of embarrassing Superman movies, I watched most of Superman II (the one I THOUGHT was good) for the first time in maybe 5 years last week. Turns out it’s a pile of crazy nonsense garbage just like all the other Superman movies. I think it was my young mind comparing it to the even more atrocious levels of garbage in Supermans 3 and 4 that twisted my memory into thinking II was “good for its time.” Nope. It’s ridiculous and terrible. I could go into detail, but instead of taking up pages and pages nitpicking all of the problems with that movie, how about you just think of every time any person in Superman II does or says ANYTHING… OK, those are the terrible things I am talking about.

COMMENTERS: What movie scenes have stuck with you over the years as particular unsettling, macabre or disturbing? Does the creep out factor hold up to this day?

Comments (26)

Admin Options

May I respectfully disagree with you on the first Superman film. Yes, it have issues. (Otis, the spinning earth backwards thing at the end.) But it still has that Iconic John Williams score and Christopher Reeve crushing it as big blue.
Two is a Frankenstein movie made of two different shoots. Three takes an interesting idea (Superman turning evil.) a squanders it on Goon Show blackout gags and a shoehorned in Richard Pryor.
Four is best left mentioned in shadows for fear of accidentally unleashing dark and angry forces.
That one time that guy tore off his own face in Poltergeist. That ruined me as a kid.

3 replies · active 112 weeks ago

UnderTheDark's avatar

UnderTheDark · 112 weeks ago

The Tequila Worm.

That is all I can say without vomiting up my toenails from sheer terror.

Candace's avatar

Candace · 112 weeks ago

That was truly horrifying.
Candace's avatar

Candace · 112 weeks ago

(The Poltergeist thing, that is.)
The scene in A Beautiful Mind where the wife walks into the shed to find the web of string. Creeped me out completely.
Face melting off in Raiders.

1 reply · active 112 weeks ago

Candace's avatar

Candace · 112 weeks ago

Oh, god, the bugs in Temple of Doom. The buuuuugs!
Ali's avatar

Ali · 112 weeks ago

When I saw Galaxy Quest in theaters as a kid, I was grossed out by the inside-out exploding monster, and the fact that one of the aliens walked around with a bit of exploded monster goo on his face for the entire rest of the movie. Still haven’t gotten over that. As much as I love practically everyone in the cast, I’m reluctant to watch the movie again because of the grossness.
Pierce Brosnan in Mamma Mia.
Greg's avatar

Greg · 112 weeks ago

If you want to see a film that will stay with you for a while, see Gary Oldman’s “Nil By Mouth” based on his experiences growing up in South London. Lots of unsettling scenes, including Ray Winstone’s character beating up his pregnant wife (played by Cathy Burke).
bubujin_2's avatar

bubujin_2 · 112 weeks ago

A movie that has stayed with me for a very long time is the original “Planet of the Apes,” especially the final few scenes.
Seeing Scanners as a much too young kid on VHS…head exploding scene. I had nightmares for ooh, decades. And Poltergeist – the clown bit. Same viewing. Oh and I also loved Amerifan Werewolf in London but the dream within a dream, Underground and head bounfe bits…instant nigtmares!
The brain eating scene in Hannibal.
DragonRose's avatar

DragonRose · 112 weeks ago

My brother convinced me to watch Fargo a couple of years ago, I was really into it until the woodchipper scene. . .
TJ's avatar

TJ · 112 weeks ago

The Sister In The Flashback Of Pet Semetary.. Rising Up Out Of Her Bed, Demonic Voice.. That Got Me As A Yoot (Sorry About Caps, My Phone Finds It Necessary To CapAll Words?) Also..The “Jackal” From 13 Ghosts..The First Few TImes I Saw It That Really Creeped Me Out..One Day I MannD Up And Paused The Screen, Made Myself Stare At It.. In Doing So, I Realized It Was Not A Woman, But A Man..Who Kinda Looks Like Barry Pepper, And It Was No Longer Frightening.
Ever since I saw the House on Haunted Hill remake, I’ve not been scared by horror films (I was startled by the sound effects a few times, though, and the fact there weren’t any lights on in the room didn’t help). Then again, the only horror films I’ve watched before then was the Evil Dead trilogy
Storvik's avatar

Storvik · 112 weeks ago

“They killed Superman! Let’s get ’em!”

One of the stupidest things ever said in any movie; because if those three just killed Superman, your wooden stick isn’t likely to avenge him.

Candace's avatar

Candace · 112 weeks ago

There are parts of Monty Python’s Meaning of Life that I still can’t talk about, nor abide anyone else talking about in my presence.

Also, I think I’ve blocked parts of the re-make of Cape Fear with Robert De Niro because he was so utterly terrifying in that role. I was white-knuckled and on the edge of my seat for almost the entirety of that movie.

1 reply · active 111 weeks ago

Animaniac's avatar

Animaniac · 111 weeks ago

“Eeets wafer thin!”
DocBones's avatar

DocBones · 111 weeks ago

The Wrath of Kahn. I still scream and climb on a table every time I see an earwig.
Debs's avatar

Debs · 111 weeks ago

I can’t remember for certain, but I think it was a Pop Tarts commercial where it shows rapidly changing faces that blend into one another at the end. I know it is crazy, but it gave me nightmares for years. I still get creeped out by the thought of it.

I also used to anthropomorphize objects too much, so the new m&m commercials totally freak me out too. Thank the Doctor for dvrs.

2013-01-10-lo-fijinks-om-nom-noms

Om Nom Noms

2013-01-10-lo-fijinks-om-nom-noms

Geeky t-shirts by me and Wil Wheaton at Sharksplode.com! Woohoo! 

Don’t miss the new HijiNKS comic I uploaded yesterday all about J.J. Abrams, Star Trek and SEEEEECRAAAAATS.

I have almost seen Lincoln twice. Both times I have realized that it was nearly three hours long and opted to either see something else or stay home and get something from Redbox. I just don’t like being in the theater that long unless I’m nearly guaranteed to love the movie. Daniel Day Lewis is my favorite actor, but that isn’t saying much. Admitting that the person who is the best at a thing in all the world is your favorite person who does that particular thing doesn’t take that much conviction or depth of character. That’s like saying Batman is my favorite vigilante crime fighter or Louis C.K. is my favorite stand up.

I did, however, see The Master. I have never seen another movie with two such fantastically talented actors delivering two such compelling and nuanced performances that I hated quite so much as I hated The Master. The biggest problem with The Master is I got it. I absolutely understand what the movie was trying to accomplish and how I was supposed to feel while watching it. I know what the intended take away was, what the director was trying to say about the human condition, the way we relate to others, the way we cling to each other while simultaneously driving each other away, loneliness  compulsion, dishonesty with one’s self vs. dishonesty with others, the power of the dynamic orator over the weak minded, I TOTALLY GOT ALL OF IT. I just so happened to have abhorred the experience of actually watching it. It’s like a really expensive bad meal at the finest restaurant in town. You know what you’re eating is classy and sophisticated and a lot of thought and effort was put into it, and even though you can detect the subtle complexities of the interplay between the flavors it just tastes like a a shoe full of shit.

The Master’s biggest problem is the story of Hoffman’s L. Ron Hubbardesque author and his burgeoning cult is quite fascinating. So, obviously, the movie basically ignores all of that and uses it as a backdrop to tell the story… no there’s no actual story… to SHOW YOU SOME STUFF FOR A BIT about Phoenix’s listless, alcoholic, sex crazed dimwitted, violent drifter. Even by my description, he sounds pretty fascinating. Trust me. He isn’t. There are no less than three scenes in the film where Hoffman’s character uses Scientol… THE CAUSE to infuriate Phoenix into a state of highly suggestible mental pliability from which he can be brainwashed. Since these scenes (one where Phoenix is forced to walk from one end of a room to the other with his eyes closed at least 40 times) take up roughly 30 minutes of the nearly three hour movie. It is excruciating. Just watching a man get more and more frustrated with his antagonist in real time is not my idea of an enjoyable time at the movies or a good way to spend $18. But they both totally deserve an Oscar. No question. Great performances. Terrible movie.

COMMENTERS: Do you have any Oscar predictions?  Have YOU ever seen a film where an actor’s performance was enthralling, captivating and through provoking, but you still hated the movie?

New desktop wallpaper for donors and subscribers! 

hijinks-ensue-juan-q-zach-apocalypse-wallpaper-thumb