Missing Mom

I’ve been making alternate versions of my recent comics with NEW JOKES and posting them exclusively for my Patreon Patrons. TODAY, AND TODAY ONLY, EVERYONE GETS TO SEE 5 DIFFERENT VERSION OF TODAY’S COMIC!!!!

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I’ve posted them HERE on my Patreon FREE FOR EVERYONE!

Dearest Sharksploders, please help me get my Patreon over the $2000 hump. Comics is my full time job, but it doesn’t currently pay full time money. Every little bit helps and is QUITE appreciated.



Consumed By Flames

“Golly gee-whiz, Nihilism Dad, you always know just what to say to make me realize how futile our petty existence, how insignificant our place in the Universe, how pointless everything we are IS. You’re the best! I’m gonna go steal from a sick person because fuck it!”

Dearest Sharksploders, please help me get my Patreon over the $2000 hump. Comics is my full time job, but it doesn’t currently pay full time money. I’ve been doing a lot of freelance work lately (which distracts me from making comics) to make ends meet, and I’ve agreed to attend more conventions this year than I really feel comfortable with (which REALLY distracts me from making comics) out of financial fear. Every little bit helps and is QUITE appreciated.



Every Phone Call With Your Mom

I have completely retooled my Patreon rewards and goals!
Become a Patron now and you can help me release more eBooks of my comics and sketches, bonus monthly Patron-Only comics, an album of cover songs, a LOST EPISODE OF THE HIJINKS ENSUE PODCAST, and MORE! Read the details HERE or just check out my Patreon HERE.

This comic is only SLIGHTLY embellished from completely true events that may or may not have happened, but almost entirely and certainly DID happen to me. If Facebook is the place you go to find out what your friends’ wives’ coworkers think of politics, Mom’s phone calls are where you go to find out who, among the people you don’t know, is now dead.

I think this would be funnier if your parents had dementia and were also comic book fans. Then they’d call you to let you know that the nice billionaire bachelor up on the hill has lost yet another ward under mysterious circumstances. Your mom just hopes he settles down and finds a nice woman. Your mom doesn’t know that he is already in a committed relationship… WITH VENGEANCE


The thing in the alt-text is a true thing that was a part

Doing Tech Support For Your Parents

Look at these t-shirts I made for you! Look at them, then complete the necessary steps to own them!

HijiNKS ENSUE Store t-shirts


This comic is too real. TOO REAL! I am baring WAY TOO MUCH of my actual true soul pain with this one. I spent the better part of the first decade of the 21st century trying to build computers faster than my mom could destroy them. It’d be neck and neck for awhile, but she always pulled out ahead eventually. She went through at least a half dozen computers (I count 50% internal component replacement as a “New Computer”) in under 10 years. Things got simpler when we finally bought a new in the box laptop, instead of me constantly building and rebuilding various Frankenstein’d desktop machines, but not by much. As of early this year she has a decent Macbook Pro, and the tech support needs have dwindled to all but naught.

Technology woes also decrease exponentially (not just for her, but for everyone) when you realize that no one has ever developed a usable and fully functional desktop printer. It’s just a thing that doesn’t exist. A myth. The Great North America Wood Ape, or Sasquatch of PC accessories. Nothing but blurry pictures and folklore. “Ol’ Jeb says he saw a inkjet printer what didn’t jam and had no trouble connectin’ to any computer ya threw at it. USB or wireless, so says Ol’ Jeb. ‘Course Ol’ Jeb’s blinder ‘an a stack of butts and twice as dumb, so…” Just admit defeat before you even join the battle and only have your photos, reports and various paper whats-its printed at copy shops. Their $150,000 laser printers make nicer prints and work better (which is to say they are only down about %40 of the time) than any paper ruining contraption you have access to. If you factor in the cost of the home printer, and the CONSTANT influx of replacement ink that somehow costs MORE than the actual printer, thus negating the logic of buying the ink instead of throwing the printer away and buying a new one… where was I? Oh yeah. FUCK printers. Don’t use them. They are poison garbage.

SHARKSPLODERS: Please relate your “tech support for the family” nightmares. Were raccoons involved? I bet raccoons were involved.