Getting Things Done

CRUISE FUNDRAISER UPDATE: 96/100 prints are sold which certainly means the print drive was a total success! It would be great to sell that last few  remaining prints before the the cruise, but at this point I am all booked for the boat and will be shoving off in a month. Thank you to everyone that participated in the fundraiser. Prints are being ordered now and will hopefully start shipping by mid to late January.

Hey, go see the shirts me and Wil made at Sharksplode

Let’s start the year off REALLY weird, why not? I was thinking about how the Space Jam movie website had been unearthed, totally preserved a while back and wondered if there might be enthusiastic groups of Internet dudes that have bitter rivalries over 90’s sports figure movie vehicle fandoms. Sounds too crazy? Did you see the part where I said, “Internet dudes?” I thought not. I’ve also been thinking about how I’ve been adding quite literally dozens of seemingly fascinating documentaries to my Netflix streaming queue with not so much as an iota of intent to ever actually watch them. Seriously, it’s at least a week’s worth of non stop potential infortainmention. I keep adding them because I feel like Netflix is judging me. Every time my daughter watches Disney Faerie Adventures or whatever, I know that it’s counting against MY RECOMMENDATIONS. What kind of personality profile is Netflix building for me? As far as the robot in my TV knows, I 5-starred Se7en, The Usual Suspects and Angelina Ballerina?! That’s evidence that will hold up in court should anyone on my street ever go missing and turn up in various boxes.

[Holy crap, I found a 1996 review of Kazaam from a local Tuscon paper.]

COMMENTERS: Two Questions! What’s your favorite 90’s movie to hate? Don’t you dare say Drop Dead Fred. That cinematic masterwork belongs in the National Film Registry. OR! Have you ever liked, faved, pinned or otherwise told the Internet you were into something you weren’t THAT into in order to appear cooler, smarter, etc? It’s confession time. Unburden your digital delusions. Or is it more analog? Do you have certain books on your shelf that you want people to see? Shame on you.

Feliz Año Nuevo!

Buy my book. Buy my book. BUY MY BOOK!


Theoretically, when someone opens an eventual 4th HijiNKS ENSUE Book THIS will be the first comic they see. Seems like the perfect way to scare off the normals. 

I spent New Years Eve (eve) with Eli, Josh and a slew of other friends at Eli and Denise’s home. There was food and beer and snacks and beer and eatables and beer. Also beer. Eli rigged up a ghetto movie theatre on the back porch and we suffered the freezing night (which is Texas is something like 60 degrees) to watch shitty movies projected 12 feet high on his wall. There was talk of subjecting us all, once again, to RikiOh: The Story of Ricky, but the vault Josh keeps that particular bit of punishment in can only be opened by turning three keys simultaneously and I wasn’t about to relinquish mine.

Instead, Eli subjected us to Chillerama, a collection of 3.5 short films… “filmed things” based around the last hurrah of a drive-in theatre on its final night before closing up shop for good. All you really need to know about Chillerama are the titles of the vignettes. The show started with Wadzilla, a 1950’s monster movie send up about a man who, after taking an experimental drug, ejaculates a single giant sperm which continues to grow and devastate the city. More? Really? You want more? Ok, how about I Was A Teenage WereBear? A 60’s beach party movie spoof about a sexually confused teen who get’s bitten on the ass by a WereBear (a skinny gay teen who transforms into a burly, bearded, be-fanged leather daddy). Considering there were no less than 4 bears in attendance that night, this segment was certainly proof that there IS a god and he is super gay. The third installment was called The Diary Of Anne Frankenstein. They really should have stopped with the title. There’s no further explanation needed. That’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard and nothing the filmmakers could have put after that title could have possibly lived up to it. There’s no point in me even explaining it. Your imagination will do a better job than I could. There’s sort of a 4th short film, but I don’t want to spoil the surprise. The shorts are wrapped up in an A-story about a drive in worker who, through acts of necro-feelin’ ya, begins to accidentally spread a “super horny zombie” virus to all of the drive-in patrons.

If none of this has scared you off, I actually can recommend Chillerama for your next drunken shitty movie night. It almost crosses the line between “we tried but this came out shitty,” and “HEY! Look out shitty this is on purpose!” a few times, but manages to reel it in with genuine cheese and above average special effects for a low budget D-movie. It’s hard to talk about production quality with films like this, but it really does help you to stomach the bad jokes, worse acting and ridiculous plots when you can actually HEAR and SEE everything the creators intend you to. Most movies of this caliber suffer greatly from technical shortcomings. By contrast, Chillerama is extremely watchable for something that is nearly unwatchable. I believe it’s on Netflix instant now and should make for an interesting evening with inebriated friends.

COMMENTERS: Josh actually made be watch Riki-Oh during one of the first times we ever hung out. It was an event that would set the tone of our friendship for the next decade or so. Has anyone ever made such an impact on you by forcing you to sit through an unbelievably terrible movie? Did you uncle show you the Star Wars Christmas Special in your basement? It’s OK to share. You are among friends.

Do you have any geeky new years resolutions? Any shows you are determined to finally plow through?

Cliff Danglers

The hobo baby’s name is Boxcar Chester A. Arthur. Hobaby? Babo?

UDPATE: Yes, I know “Dr. Who” predates “Bill & Ted” by decades… that’s part of why I find the comparison amusing. #iloveexplainingthejoke

This is why I don’t do continuity. Because if there were stories in HE they would all go like this comic. Also I would never EVER tie up the loose ends. It would be like LOST but with fewer cast members and shorter hiatuses.

I spent 3 days trying to come up with something special for this comic since, not only was it the final comic of 2009, and the final comic of the decade but it was also the final comic of what will eventually be HE Book 2. I’m going to post the alternate ideas for the “HE season finale” in The Vault for those of you who have donated and have access.

We really shouldn’t be worried about how many times our little blue dirt ball rockets towards oblivion around an unfathomably large self sustaining explosion. One time? Ten Times? It doesn’t really matter when you consider that somewhere in the universe entire galaxies are colliding with each other. Now that’s a reason to reflect and reminisce. “Remember when we had a galaxy? Man, those were good times.”

Feel free to post your favorite/least favorite geek moments (TV, Movies, Your Own Life, Etc) of the last year or decade in the comments.

…Like It’s 10 Years After 1999

I am actually late for Eli’s New Year’s party, so I will have to update this post in the new year. After my fridge exploded today (true story) I was just glad to get the comic posted before 2009.


Post your New Years plans or best/worst New Years stories in the comments. Be safe, be happy, have fun and kiss someone REALLY HARD!

(Anyone that makes real Josh Juice, drinks it AND can prove it gets a prize.)