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Why Do You Cry?

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You mean people? I dont’ know. We just cry. You know, when it hurts. Like when McG Makes a movie.

Before you lob your “BUT I TOTALLY LURV’D IT LOL!” bombs at me, I have not yet seen “Terminator: Salvation.” This comic is based on my conversation with Eli on HE Podcast Post Show #55 (Donate to get access to The Vault). His arguments were uncharacteristically sober and went as follows:

  1. It sucks, don’t watch it
  2. It looked like shit
  3. Christian Bale isn’t even the star
  4. All the best scenes are in the trailer

To address his first point, every review I’ve seen so far says the film is generic pop-corn action with little regard for carrying on the Terminator mantle, is poorly executed and sloppily put together. While it is technically “a movie” it is not a “movie you should go see.” This saddens me more than the time I had to have my mother committed because she kept going on and on about “the machines” and “judgment day” and “naked Austrian men in time bubbles.”

He went on the say the film looks like it was shot with a webcam and edited with a hub cap (which can’t even edit video, so that’s saying a lot). I would wager his already building rage colored his view of the cinematic aspects of the film. I bet it looks pretty good, especially when shown in a digital theater or eventually on Blu-Ray. He did say, however, that other than the main FX shots in the trailer most of the CG work was abysmal. I’ll take his word for that. If the film does look like crap, I heard a rumor that they were “done professionally” with their Director of Photography which may have been part of the problem.

I understand Christian Bale was offered the starring role of Marcus, the hybrid Terminator, but wanted to be John Connor instead. It’s probably for the best seeing as how he normally throws himself into his roles. If he can get down to 120 lbs, for “The Machinist he might have actually become a cyborg for “Terminator.” Eli thinks this movie will ruin my longstanding man-crush on Christian Bale. Other than my strong belief in robots, this is one of the tenets I hold most dear. The idea of jeopardizing it is more than a little frightening.

I have to give it up to the dude that cut the trailers. They had me Terminator: Salivating for “Terminator Salvation.” I was genuinely giddy to get all up ons this franchise again. If all the best moments are in the trailers, then I guess I got more entertainment than Eli and for $12 less.

Have you seen it? What did you think? I’ll probably wait for DVD at this point. COMMENT WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE.