Momoa Justice, Momoa Problems

Dearest Fancy Bastards, if you enjoy this comic, please check out my store, my shirts on Sharksplode, and my wife’s geeky jewelry on Etsy. It would help us out a great deal.

Based on the casting of Jason “PecsPecsPecsPecs” Momoa, I am guessing DC is going for a less kind, less gentle Aquaman. No better way to shut up the Aqua-haters than to show us a badass Aquaman, I suppose. Of course the confirmation of Aquaman’s addition to Batman V. Superman: The Case Of The Crumpled Cape means the movie (which is NOT a Justice League movie?) will feature Supes, Batman, Wonder Woman, Cyborg AND Aquaman. I’m guessing everyone except for B-Word and S-Hole show up right at the end, wink at the camera and fly straight into the sun. Seriously though, I am not 100% on board with this group-movie before solo movie Justice League situation. It seems super-flawed from a superhero super-storytelling perspective. I’m curious how they are going to integrate an older, grizzled Batman into a world that seemed to be totally flabbergasted by the appearance of Superman in Man Of Steel: Metropolis Gets 9/11’d X 100.

Fancy Patrons: We are less than $50 away from unlocking more comics per week!

I also just uploaded a new iBook/PDF comic collection for all $5+ Patrons. 



HijiNKS ENSUE: I Could Really Go For A Martwinky Right About Now
(An iBook Collection Of HijiNKS ENSUE Comics from 2009)
EXTRAS: Contains an intro I wrote while on an airplane and while insane with sleep deprivation. I can not promise you that it makes sense at all. Also contains a whole section of freelance projects (many never before seen) that were commissioned by you, the Fancy Bastards.


Open Your Eyes


 The feedback and support for the new direction of the comics has been overwhelmingly positive. Thank you, Fancy Bastards, for letting me know I’ve made the right choice. I wrestled with this decision for months, but (coincidentally enough) it gave me the same “You really should do this, you know you want to, you know it’s the right time,” feeling that I got both when I decided to propose to my wife and tell her I wanted to talk about having children. When it’s right, it’s right.

My daughter comes up with these hyper-specific, ultra-complicated rules for games and playtime events and spits them out like they’re totally common sense based, and everyone should probably already know them because… see the earlier thing about common sense. Unfortunately my dad brain has a hard time with, “and if any two ponies are in the pony jail at the same time, then one person has to run into the kitchen and make the other person a snack, but only if the first pony is a pegasus…” etc, etc. She often starts these games with either only the title or the first couple of rules in mind, and ABSOLUTELY no idea what is supposed to happen after, say, the first 30 seconds. I should just throw my hands up at the beginning and walk directly into pony jail.

COMMENTERS: What convoluted games do your kids make up? Did you have any of your own as a kid? One time, me and kiddo made an actual board game that you can print out and play with your kids.

Have you seen my wife’s latest geeky jewelry creation? DNA Necklaces! 

DNA Necklace on Etsy


Comments (43)

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the lampshading here is kind of ridiculously fun.

1 reply · active 92 weeks ago

I’ll be moving on and never mentioning it again very shortly.
Jason's avatar

Jason · 92 weeks ago

I really like the idea that Joel has had a family this whole time just off screen. Bully for you, Sir.

4 replies · active 92 weeks ago

I BRIEFLY considered the “reveal” being panels from previous HE strips where you only saw Josh from the waste up where you can now see that the kiddo was running around his legs the entire time.
I want to see this so badly.
Gretchen's avatar

Gretchen · 92 weeks ago

Oh, that would be amazingly hilarious!
nenslo's avatar

nenslo · 92 weeks ago

Hyper-specific, ultra-complicated rules for games made up on the spot? Has Kiddo been reading Calvin & Hobbes? Because that sounds like the guiding principle to Calvinball!

1 reply · active 92 weeks ago

as probably any parent will attest, Watterson was “reading” kids.
lou's avatar

lou · 92 weeks ago

As a kid, Calvin & Hobbes was a HUGE influence on my young, sponge-like brain. Every Saturday or Sunday, my brother & I and whichever friends/neighbors available would try our hand at Calvinball. The only rule: make up your own rules. We used the books as guides on how to play, and bounce our own rules off those, but I can’t recall how many times I won.
Kids are always saying stuff like that.”Become rage, Daddy! Become the cleansing fire! Bring forth the 100 tailed scorpion prince that will rule from beneath for one thousand years!”

You know. Kid stuff.

Fren's avatar

Fren · 92 weeks ago

That was mostly my favorite part about raising kids.
HikingViking's avatar

HikingViking · 92 weeks ago

So what you’re saying is that your daughter might have dabbled in Mesopotamian myths. Got it – very advanced for a six year old.
psuedoname's avatar

psuedoname · 92 weeks ago

5 year old step daughter, playing in the conservatory, ask her what she is playing, says ‘bare club, thats where all the barbies go, where they can take their clothes off if they want, small boobies, large boobies, all are welcome’. Me and the wife were laughing for a good five minutes after that

1 reply · active 92 weeks ago

Ashamed's avatar

Ashamed · 92 weeks ago

I’m trying real hard to like the new direction. Honestly, I am.But the honest truth is I come here for Geek jokes and references to other Geek stuff. Not to read about Joel’s personal life.

I’ll keep on struggling on for the time being. The the honest, ashamed truth is, it is becoming a struggle.

3 replies · active 92 weeks ago

Shannon's avatar

Shannon · 92 weeks ago

I understand where Ashamed is coming from, I think if I didn’t have a child I might even agree. But, ever since I had the sprog I find myself more drawn to parenting jokes. I think what humor we enjoy us based on where we are in life. I for one was getting bored of one-off geek jokes and am super excited that one of my favorite webcomics is growing and developing with me, rather than staying a stagnant reminder of what life was before the all consuming child.
That’s basically where im coming from. I cant keep making the same jokes, or the same types of jokes over and over when my mind and my reality are focused elsewhere.
if the worst that happens is you got 6 years of free entertainment on the subject matter than you liked, then you are certainly no worse for the ware. however, these first few strips are there to establish the new elements of the universe. it isn’t going to be parenting stuff all the time, just like it wasnt Doctor Who stuff all the time before. The bottom line is Im going to do what Ive always done, which is make the comics that I want to make. You are welcomed to come along for the ride at no cost, and you are welcomed to get off at any stop you like.
Laura's avatar

Laura · 92 weeks ago

I’m enjoying (and I mean this completely sincerely) how their eyebrows have almost completely detached from their heads by the last panel. Like they’re separate entities, exiting the mothership.

1 reply · active 92 weeks ago

I really like drawing crazy floating eyebrows. I think I got that from FLCL (The only anime I have ever really enjoyed).
I love how you explained the sudden appearance of a daughter. Well done! 😀

1 reply · active 92 weeks ago

Drew's avatar

Drew · 92 weeks ago

The lesson here for potential superheroes is, to quote Edna Mode, “No capes!”
When my wife was a small child, she apparently straight up convinced the babysitter that she had a brother and a sister. But that her mother didn’t trust the sitter with the other children. The sitter confronted her mother about it. Hilarious!
Or your kid has a ghost cat.
Hotsauce's avatar

Hotsauce · 92 weeks ago

Heh heh. New direction. Heh heh.

2 replies · active 92 weeks ago

took me a minute.
Hotsauce's avatar

Hotsauce · 92 weeks ago

Not gonna lie, I’ve been giggling like a four-year old for the last few days. But good on you for taking the plunge. I’ve been noticing similar changes in focus in a number of the long-running comics I follow. When you’ve been at it for a while you have to change what you’re doing; to do otherwise is to refuse to grow. But I think it’s brave to risk a change like this. A lot of people are afraid to do it, and have the Fonz jump his motorcycle over a shark tank instead.
Yeah, this is really familiar. My 4 1/2 year old is really into dinosaurs, and BBC documentaries about dinosaurs, and he likes to enact dinosaur-documentary-type scenes (which he narrates. In Kenneth Branagh’s voice. we live in the USA so the English accent is extra hilarious.) and frequently asks us to play with him, but if we don’t do exactly what the script in his head says he gets angry and accuses us of messing with him “on purpose” (as opposed to accidentally messing with him?). He also sings/hums background music and has different music for feeding scenes, chasing scenes, attack scenes, etc and will yell at us if we don’t pick up on his music cues.
And a true geek is born!
Chelsea's avatar

Chelsea · 92 weeks ago

My niece is five and basically arranges the rules of any game – made-up or commercially available – around the one central, all-encompassing, grand master rule: she wins. One time, we were playing a match game with penguins and she decided that she gets extra turns every time. She couldn’t explain WHY, but it had to be so. It frustrates my husband, a devout board game geek, to no end. Every once in a while, he’ll either make her play the official rules or start making up his own to even the playing field. Neither choice ends well.
Justplainsomething's avatar

Justplainsomething · 92 weeks ago

I don’t know if this counts as convoluted, but I used to put couch cushions at the bottom of the basement stairs (which were just concrete) and see how far up I could jump. I think I was about five then. The fact that I never broke any bones growing up is a goddamn miracle.
evildan's avatar

evildan · 92 weeks ago

while babysitting my brother’s 6 year old, he had me playing “Zombies vs. Ninjas”. We, as the Ninjas, had to fight invisible Zombies. He waved vaguely at one part of the yard “this is my base”. at another part of the yard “this is your base”. So I asked him ” where is the Zombies base?” “the Zombies don’t have any base.” he replied. “then how do they drop the beat?” I asked. He looks at and with a deadpan voice said “just play the game.”
Pandelon's avatar

Pandelon · 92 weeks ago

I hate to say this, but for a few moments I genuinely read “chicken-duck” as “chicken-dick”.
Mathis Phoire's avatar

Mathis Phoire · 92 weeks ago

My cousin and I used to play a variation of Don’t Touch the Lava (which I’m surprised no one has mentioned yet) called “Don’t Touch the Ground or You’re a Green Pig”Don’t ask me why or how we decided you would turn into moldy swine, nor why it was a bad thing because I don’t remember. Best bet is Dr. Seuss had something to do with it.

Nightsbridge's avatar

Nightsbridge · 20 weeks ago

I liked the old direction and found it amusing, but I tend to like comics with more narrative drive more anyway, so I’m excited.

Take With A Grain Of Kryptonite

OH COME ON! That’s no fun! I thought Walter White would have made a great Lex Luthor. Can he at least be Darkseid? He could cook up the Anti-Life Equation in an old RV in Space. Hell, New Mexico is practically Apokolips already. Just open fire pits and lava geysers everywhere.


I will be participating in this Bumbershoot panel series this weekend!

My bit is:
Sat 31 Aug 2pm
Seattle, WA
The Leo K Theater
155 Mercer Street Seattle WA 98109
2nd and Mercer in the Seattle Center
[Ticket Info here]

Have you seen my wife’s latest geeky jewelry creation? MOTHER EFFING LIGHTSABER NECKLACES AND EARRINGS! 

lightsaber necklace and earrings

COMMENTERS: Who would you like to see play Lex Luthor? Alternately, make up some more headlines from this “reputable movie news” site.

Comments (15)

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I believe you’ve got that backwards
He actually did play Gordon in the Batman: Year One animated movie.
Liam's avatar

Liam · 94 weeks ago

I would like to see John Malkovich as Lex Luthor.
Richter's avatar

Richter · 94 weeks ago

Ving Rhames as Lex Luthor!
Bruceski's avatar

Bruceski · 94 weeks ago

Kevin Spacey again. Forever.
Wait for it…


Lex Luthor is Jesus, bitch.

Liam's avatar

Liam · 93 weeks ago

Nicolas Cage
Im happy to be your filter.
Galley Slave's avatar

Galley Slave · 93 weeks ago

Michael Madsen
Dave's avatar

Dave · 92 weeks ago

Quentin Tarantino as Lex Luthor
Nechie's avatar

Nechie · 92 weeks ago

Bieber as Robin O.o

Toronto Fan Expo 2013 Fancy Sketches

Soory I had a good time in Toronto, eh? I accomplished all of my goals. I attended Fan Expo and spoke to some nice northern Fancy Bastards, I ate 100% of Toronto’s meat supply at Korean Grill House (my actual favorite restaurant in all of the world), I wrote a musical about meat during that meal (much to the chagrin of my co-dining cartoonist friends), and I attended the Banana Bar Crawl (more on that in a second).

Big big thanks to Andrew of I Am ARG and Paul “Leftovers” Westover for hosting me for my Canadian Weekend. Additional thanks to the all the Torontonian(?) Fancy Bastards who came out to say hi and to the Cyanide and Happiness fans that I did sketches for.

Here are a few more things I drew at Fan Expo: A couple of D&D characters, a fractal penis (probably too sexy for work) and a photo comic I made this morning about David Willis on my phone from a plane that was trying to take off.

About that Banana Bar Crawl… I REALLY don’t like bar crawls. I like nice quiet evenings with friends. If we find a good bar with a good atmosphere and a good volume level, I like to stay there until everyone has drank 100 drinks, laughed 1000 laughs and fallen down into a pile on the floor which has to be pushed into the gutter with a large-ish broom. The Cyanide and Happiness fellows have been trying to drag me to the annual Dallas Banana Bar Crawl for years. Since they decided to have on in Toronto, and seeing as how I was trapped there, AND on the condition that they pay for all of my drinks, I agreed to 1) come along and 2) complain a little less.

Guys… oh man, guys… it was a fun time. I stepped out of my comfort zone and partied with my friends and about 200 weirdos in banana suits across 3 or 4 bars in Toronto and I had an amazing time. If you are in Dallas or Toronto and you are not swayed by my words, BE SWAYED AS ALL HELL BY THIS VIDEO EVIDENCE OF FUN TIMES

Have you seen my wife’s latest geeky jewelry creation? MOTHER EFFING LIGHTSABRE NECKLACES AND EARRINGS! 

lightsaber necklace and earrings

COMMENTERS: When was the last time you stepped out of your comfort zone, tried something you thought you’d hate and actually loved it?

Comments (15)

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Never. My comfort zone is freaking AWESOME!
Dio's avatar

Dio · 94 weeks ago

Wow, those lightsaber necklaces are cool! Does your wife make them for boys, too?

1 reply · active 94 weeks ago

if all you need is a longer chain just message her through etsy
4 lights is amazing!
my costume was accidentally left at the booth. my blessing and my curse.
I’m a bit confused on the Batman one… Why is he gloating to Supes about bagging the Joker

2 replies · active 94 weeks ago

seriously's avatar

seriously · 94 weeks ago

Maybe he’s gloating, because Batman’s archenemy can’t carry around a little green rock that turns him into a pussy like Superman’s can?
Allen's avatar

Allen · 94 weeks ago

It’s a reference to Good Will Hunting. (Matt Damon and, most importantly in this case, Ben Affleck were in it and wrote the screenplay.)
Gumbules's avatar

Gumbules · 94 weeks ago

Totally agree with tzeentchling. “There are 4 lights!” is brilliant!
zathael's avatar

zathael · 94 weeks ago

Never. My comfort zone is surrounded by cement fortifications and razorwire. The Guards on the towers have sniper rifles and have standing orders to shoot to kill.
Allen's avatar

Allen · 94 weeks ago

Is it just that imagines that restaurant as the one Supes and Bats hang out in in the How It Should Have Ended videos?

1 reply · active 94 weeks ago

Leshka's avatar

Leshka · 94 weeks ago

I thought so as well. Of course, he wasn’t saying “Because I’m Batman” so maybe not.
Well…I used to be a fairly distant sort and didn’t like being touched.

Then I decided to go to massage school because I wanted to heal people, and it turned out to be a pretty awesome decision.

neph sy's avatar

neph sy · 94 weeks ago

Hey, I noticed that Hijinks Ensue joined in with other comics like Girls with Slingshots, Eerie Cuties, etc.(through Hiveworks??)
Just wanted you to know that when I click on the Hijinks drawing, the LINK ISN’T WORKING to HijinksEnsue.
Google Chrome message is Oops Google Chrome could not find http. Did you mean (this is a link that connect to your site).

Firefox message is: Firefox can’t find the server at http.


CLOSEOUT SALE in the HE Store is still going on! 

These shirts are marked down to $14.95 and leaving the HE Blind Ferret Store for good!

Team EdwardEwok StareShow Us On The TrilogyWinter Is Coming and Sci-Five
Ladies versions of these shirts are on sale too!

These shirts are marked down to $9.95!

OvipositorUnicorn PoopAnd My Axe (Ladies), SyFy Movie Title Generator and British Knights

Texas is a hard place to call home sometimes. Texas has a reputation of deeply ensconced bigotry, misogyny, and “as long as I’ve got mine…” attitude. The face we show the rest of the country and world, through our elected officials, education system and treatment of the marginalized is an often times embarrassing one. Still, there are brave people in the Texas legislature that go to great lengths to remind us that our state can be better, more compassionate  more empathetic and less oppressive to women, minorities and the disenfranchised.

If you do one thing today, try to empathize with someone more marginalized than yourself. Try to understand an issue that doesn’t touch you personally from the viewpoint of someone who is deeply affected by it. Try not to allow your personal opinions or beliefs (be they based on faith, family tradition or your own experiences) deprive anyone else of their rights.

Comments (11)

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Echelon Four's avatar

Echelon Four · 103 weeks ago

I’m glad we have SciFi to describe these ridiculous situations that no one would attempt in the real world.
When the planet is a rockin’ don’t come a knocking’
It’s amazing to me that the politicians against Wendy Davis last night use Jesus as their reasoning … the same Jesus that said, “Treat others as you would want to be treated.” Amazing how little empathy they have.
Jeff W.'s avatar

Jeff W. · 103 weeks ago

Nice thoughts Joel!!
I saw this conversation play out on Twitter and I have to say, you rock. Also “BORE El has left the building.” is some masterful writing.
Greg's avatar

Greg · 103 weeks ago

Your characterisation of Texans is pretty accurate from my experiences. I get the feeling Texans would prefer it if the state was physically cut loose from the continent and set adrift in the Pacific.

1 reply · active 103 weeks ago

Living here for 32 years, it’s STILL hard to tell if the majority of Texans are like that or if it’s just the loudest, proudest idiots who are like that. I really don’t know. I DO know that I never have a hard time finding people in Texas (even in Dallas) who are intelligent, compassionate, open minded, creative and interesting. Buuuuuut… I definitely have to seek them out on purpose. They aren’t just lying around for me to trip over. The majority of crowded areas in texas are crowded with the typical stereotypes, it seems.

Sometimes it feels like an occupied state. Like those of us that actually want to be a part of the rest of the country as well as the world keep quiet because we don’t know if it’s safe to talk.

mike-O's avatar

mike-O · 103 weeks ago

I have been living in NC for twenty rears now. Lately, our state legislature has been trying real hard to prove that our state can be just as backwards, bigoted and narrowminded as Texas, maybe even more so.
Take heart, though. The cool people in states like ours tend to be REALLY cool. It’s almost like they have to overcompensate for all the bigots.

1 reply · active 103 weeks ago

Fren's avatar

Fren · 103 weeks ago

The darker the times, the brighter your light shines and all that.
On the other hand, what other state can pull off a giant set of bull horns on the front of their cars?