Fake Steve is twittering live from the Macworld San Francisco Keynote.
ARS’s liveblog seems to be more fuctional than others.
That man simply can do no wrong. Even if he set events in motion that caused my blood to boil, rendering the surface of my skin into thirsty, crackling blisters and prompting me to claw it away in desperate madness hoping to somehow cease the burning that has both blinded me stricken me mute from screaming until my vocal chords swelled and burst and… you get the idea. I likes me some Steve. To borrow a phrase from Dave Chappelle, “Steve Jobs could fart in my dinner.”
The point I really want to illustrate is that regardless of what offering he bestows upon us, his humble flock, we will feast upon it with mouthes agape and unparalleled enthusiasm (and saliva). He could encase a turd in brushed aluminum and we would still buy it (as long as you could get the iTurd laser etched). It would require a proprietary video format, and headphones with an uncommonly small jack, but we would laud his genious while proclaiming on message boards that his iTurds don’t stink.
I’ve already ventured my guesses as to what Tuesday will bring, but as the day grows closer rumors are flooding the tubes at an exponential rate. TUAW seems to mostly agree with my conservative predictions. MacRumors.com believes those ominous banners fortale the “Macbook Air.” To get the real scoop I suggest you sit tight until Tuesday and come keynote time you head over to Engadget’s live coverage and furiously click your F5 key for an hour or so. I also recommend reading Steve’s liveblog from right up on the keynote stage. Finally, you can also help Steve prepare for the Stevenote by making sure he doesn’t forget anything and gets to the stage on time.
No matter what revelations descend from on high Tuesday, I am comfortable (almost snuggly warm) in the knowledge that two of my most prized possessions (my Macbook Pro, and iPhone) will most likely be wrought old and busted as Steve drops the new hotness on us. Then I get to play the “should I upgrade game.” Correction. Then, Josh will buy the new iShits immediately, and I will feel guilty for being jealous. Double correction. Josh will buy a plane ticket to Cupertino, locate Steve Jobs and “make it rain” (his preferred method of payment) in Job’s lap until he forks over his own personal iPhone. Then Josh will probably forget it on the plane on the way back and buy six more at the Dallas airport. This is simply the fashion in which he rolls. I am accustomed to it. It’s like being friends with a short, gay, bald-headed Kanye West.
Just as an aside, I’ve been greatly enjoying all the discourse taking place in the comments on this site. I really appreciate each and every one of you that read this site and enjoy my silly comics. The community that is building around this site is both unexpected and fantastic. Whether or not I get to continue making comics long term relies squarely on this site’s ability to grow its readership. So if you’ve enjoyed the comics and posts, please email and friend, submit it to BoingBoing/Engadget/Gizmodo/Wired/TUAW, Stumble it, Digg it, Reddit it, post a link on your site or paint the characters on your naughty bits and stand in the middle of a busy street screaming, “FANCY PANCAKE BIRTHDAY TIME!” People will notice.
Thank you all,
Macworld San Francisco is next week. I’ve learned from years of Apple fandom to aim for the middle with my predictions. Take every rumor on the internet, rate them from 1-10 on how bad you want them, then throw out everything above a 7. Those will be saved for Xmas or next year.
I bet we get:
Please post your predictions and speculations in the comments.