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The Macchanal

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Funny T-Shirts, Geeky shirts, Doctor who parody shirts, Team Edward James Olmos shirt, Groverfield Shirt, Sci-Five Star Trek Parody T-Shirt in The HijiNKS ENSUE Store

The HIJINKS ENSUE STORE Is where you can buy stuff that I made! It supports me and my family and keeps this little operation going.

I keep trying to find a way to honestly call this a “mostly true” story, but my integrity won’t let me. It’s a completely true story. When Josh told me his one month old Macbook Air had been damaged, I was mostly curious as to why he still owned a computer that was already a month old. He’s not usually one to deal in antiques. Then I wondered if it had perhaps been cut on its own sharpness. Next I suggested he buff out the damage with toothpaste (which I hear is a thing people do). When he informed me that said damaged with an actual crack in the glass, I wanted to suggest maybe using that stripy toothpaste or some of those whitening trays. Then I figured that not ALL dental health products related to laptop screen repair. Before I could make fun of his hardship further, Apple just gave him a new Macbook Air. I assume the genius in question pulled up his purchase history, saw that it was greater than the GNP of most small island countries, immediately offered a thousand pardons for making him wait so long and poured him a glass of champagne with a hundred dollar bill floating in it.

COMMENTERS: Josh did actually crack his new Macbook Air by dropping a $250 remote control on it. What’s the dumbest way you’ve ever damaged something valuable? Any good stories about getting something replaced for free? Have at it.

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The Macbook Air is pretty and dumb

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I was listening to the Webcomics Weekly Podcast and Scott Kurtz mentioned that he read a review of the Macbook Air where the reviewer described it as a “great fourth computer for a really rich person.” That pretty much sums up how I feel about the device. It’s a beautiful piece of technology, to be sure, but for all intents and purposes it’s basically useless. I’m not hating. This is not hatred you’re reading. It’s really just…meh. Once the “OMFG it’s thin and pretty!” wares off, there’s no real substance. Kind of like [insert hollywood rehab starlet du jour].

It’s a crippled (or crappled) Macbook. 1 USB port, No Firewire, no Mic/Line in, no Express Card slot, no upgradable memory, mono sound (speaker under the keyboard keys), and no optical drive. “It does’t need an optical drive,” you may say. “Why?” I would counter. “Because Steve said it doesn’t,” you point out. “Oh right,” I mumble. Then I back into a corner and weep. I love how Steve can do that. Just make something reality because he wills it so. “Optical drives are for assholes and pedophiles. You don’t need one. Hell, you don’t even want one.” Suddenly millions of Macboys rip their DVD drives and CD burners from their computer chassis like they were malignant and gangrenous.

I think I like it better if I imagine the Air, not as the world’s thinest laptop, but instead as the world’s biggest PDA, or most expensive, internet browsing cheese slicer. ZDNet says the Macbook Air is perfect for people who get $300 hair cuts… but they say that in a GOOD way. Like, “If you don’t get why this product is perfect, go shove your $40 hair cut up your ass!” TUAW gives a fair assessment stating that the Air is a second computer only and not a replacement for your main machine. I wouldnt consider it a replacement for my…shit, I already used cheese slicer…ok, something else thin and shiny. The only reason I would purchase one would be to put it in the AirMail sleeve and…shaving razor! I should have compared it to a… no, wait. I used that in the comic.

The best thing to come from the Air’s release so far is this post from Fake Steve Jobs.

It’s a no-compromise laptop that has the fastest processor ever invented, the most RAM available on any computer in the world, the best keyboard, the best screen, and the longest battery life of any laptop ever made, plus it’s thinner and lighter than any computer ever created in all of history.

Maybe I’m wrong about the Air. Tell you what. Purchase one and mail it to me with the receipt and I will give it an honest review. While you’re at it, throw in an iPhone. Mine has lost that “new iPhone” smell.