Vacation Sketch Diary 2014: Galveston, TX Day 3

Despite applying copious amounts of sunscreen and wearing a 90% UV blocking shirt, I really was burned quite badly on the neck, head and arms. I can’t remember if it was Robocop or Total Recall that had the scene where the woman covers herself head to toe in multicolored UV block gel which earned her 15 minutes of safe fun in the sun, but I have a feeling that gag was more prophetic than the filmmakers intended.

I hope you enjoyed my vacation sketch diary. Regular HE comics resume post haste.

TARDIS Necklace from Science & Fiction

Tags: galveston, lord of the rings, sunburn, vacation, vacation sketch diary

Five Rings To Bring Them All

GRAMMAR DALEK SHIRTS ARE HERE!
The preorder is going on now!

There’s more new shirt news HERE including a NEW FIGHTING TIME LORDS SHIRT! A good preorder means I will get to take these new shirts to cons!

[Actually published on 8/1/12 as that I was unable to finish this comic while in LA for Wil Wheaton’s super secret surprise 40th Birthday Party. Most of the inking was done on his living room couch on my iPad. A young guy by the name of Ed Brubaker inked part of this comic. He’s a sweet kid. I think he’ll go far in this business if someone just gives him a chance.]

I watched the opening ceremony of the 2012 London Olympic Games and live-Tweeted it. The resulting tweets are as follows:

Opening ceremonies: “Hey, it’s us, London. We’re quaint. Remember?”
“You boy! What day is it?” “Why it’s Olympics day, Kenneth Branagh!”
Based on their opening ceremonies, China should probably just go ahead and invade Britain. It would be over in like 20 minutes.
This drum witch and her army of chimney sweeps are putting a spell on the Olympics!
Dickensian crumpers!
The parade of mutton chops!
This is the most expensive Coldplay video to date.
Replace all this beauty and nature with smoke! Throw the goats in the machinery that their blood may lubricate the cogs of industry!
(snark aside, this show is getting cooler and cooler by the moment. Resuming snark in 3, 2…)
Sauron only had two towers. Churchill is a madman! [the inspiration for this comic]
Bully! Bully for us! Harrumph harrumph harrumph! Top hats and all that what.
After Bond talks to the Queen he’s going to escort the Minister for Magic to his private box.
The Churchill golem has been awakened by Bond!
The Queen doesn’t have a parachute. Her Union Jack knickers are just THAT big.
The Children’s Wallpaper Pattern Pajama Choir sings the national anthem.
At this time Britain would like to remind America that none of them will ever go bankrupt from medical bills so there. Nyahhh!
See kids? You were right! When you go to bed your parents just stay up all night swing dancing!
Ahh but it’s two sick children per bed. NHS isn’t so great after all, eh?
Britain would like to welcome our most lifelike robot billionaire, JK Rowling!
Ohh good. Nightmare fuel.
HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED!
Terrify the chillldrennnnn. Tuppence a bag…
When The Doctor finally realizes Marry Poppins survived the Time War, he’ll never be lonely again.
That giant baby at the end was Voldemort’s soul from the end of Book 7, right?
I apologize for my ignorance, Brits. How does Mr. Bean fit into the royal hierarchy? Is he better than a duke?
Wake me up when they get to Kylie Minogue and Dubstep.
An army of Ziggys Stardust!
When the Glam Clone wars begin you will have to choose a side. Are you with the Freddys or the Ziggys?
You will show your allegiance with your choice of unitard.
Tell me I’m not the only one that saw the Queen bob her head during The Prodigy.
I love at the end of the video for Smack My Bitch Up when the protagonist looks in the mirror and you realize it’s Sarah Ferguson.
The Olympic torch is actually fueled by residual handsomeness energy radiating from David Beckam’s carefully manicured stubble.
Thank god we’ve taken a break from all this pomp and majesty so Ryan Seacrest can be a smug, boring shit pile on TV some more.
Wait there are athletes at this thing?
Can’t wait for team Iceland to show up in their traditional swan costumes.
Team Armenia is lead by their ambassador Serj Tankian and the rest of System Of A Down.
The Chinese flag bearer is actually five smaller Chinese athletes who have been bound together in a human Voltron since birth.
The team from the Congo is seen here riding the killer mutant gorillas that guard all their country’s giant diamonds.
The North Korean team apologizes that Dear Leader is absent from the ceremonies as he is busy recharging the Sun with his smile
Read about Dear Leader’s adventures in All-Star Kim Jong Il by Grant Morrison, the only comic to ever sell more copies than there are people
Here are the competitors from Cydonia. Fun fact: They must fight for their rights. They must fight to survive.
Alright I’m done. There’s 2 hours left and my family says they miss me. If you are still following me then YOU are the gold medal whatever.
Here to close the ceremonies is Paul McCartney, the last surviving Beatle. Hey what about Ring… Yes, THE LAST surviving Beatle.

COMMENTERS: Are you an Olympics enthusiast? Do you even watch them? Any reaction to the opening ceremonies? Any particular Olympic memories that affected you personally? How about the NBC coverage? ALTERNATELY: Please feel free to continue the Olympics/LoTR meme.

Tags: david beckham, england, lord of the rings, olympics, rowan atkinson, the queen of england

She Could Have Had It All

“George Hurt You” shirts are in the store!!!

[Thanks to @cajunjoel for the tweet that inspired this comic.]

This starts off a week of pre-JocoCruiseCrazy Lo-Fi comics, and will lead into a week of fantastic guest comics from some of my favorite artists and Internet funny types.

I watched the Grammy’s Sunday night, which is odd since I am extremely disconnected from “the music the kids are listening to these days with the hips hops and the jim-jams and such.” I tuned in right as front Foo Dave Grohl was making an impassioned acceptance speech about how important it is to learn to play a real instrument and really sing into a microphone and not worry about over producing and striving for phony perfection and… he was played off stage by LMFAO. That pretty much distills exactly how I feel about the current state of popular music. I was also rather outraged that domestic abuse not only DOESN’T hurt your chances of winning music’s highest award, but it actually seems to help your odds. Despicable motherfuckers should be treated as the pariahs they are and not like aspirational heroes.

I went on a marathon live tweeting of the Grammy awards presentation and I suspect I lost a few followers. Those that stuck around are my true Fancy Bastards and we could probably share a beer with two straws in real life.

COMMENTERS: Did you watch the Grammys? Do you, like me, think this year’s awards will always be remembered as “The year WUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBwuhhhhhhhhhhvrrrrrrrrrWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUB made it’s Grammy debut?” Do you identify with modern pop music or are you [also like me] seeking out more and more specialized/obscure music that isn’t fit for the mainstream? Where are you finding it? I am listening almost exclusively to instrumental prog-metal these days. Animals As Leaders has really opened my eyes to a whole slew of bands that I didn’t even know were out there.

Reptilis Rex launches this week!
A new online comic called Reptilis Rex starts this week! It’s about a species of Reptoids that have been living in the hollow Earth all throughout history who, for some reason have to come to the surface and integrate with human society.

The creator, who goes by the admitted pseudonym William Tallman, is one of my favorite cartoonists and a nearly functional human being to boot. Please do support his new effort and share it with your friends. There is already a week’s worth of comics in the archive.

You can now purchase a super high quality 11×17″ print of any HE comic by clicking the “Buy A Print” button between the “Previous” and “Next” buttons in the navigation menu. If you don’t see it, try refreshing your browser cache.

Tags: adele, galadriel, grammy awards, lmfao, lord of the rings, movies, music, paul mccartney, the beatles

Outnumbered 2.35 To 1

BIG ASS 11×17 PRINTS ARE IN THE HIJINKS ENSUE PRINT SHOP!

You can even get a big ass print of the Doctor Who/ MST3K comic.

I know I’m a late adopter, but I just got my first Blu-Ray player in December. Having amassed and subsequently ripped/server stored/eBay’d a rather sizable DVD collection, I thought I was done purchasing movies via physical media. I bought the player mostly for Netflix, but seeing as it was there and that it had all those P’s (1,080 of them to be precise) I figured I might as well start re-acquiring A) My most favorite/ infinitely rewatchable movies (your Lebowskis, Ghostbusters, Princess Brides, Backs To Futures and such) and B) My most favorite gorgeous/visually stunning films (your Avatars, Fireflied Serenities, various Pixar’d Cartoonicals, Lords Of Some Rings, and what not). On a lark I threw up about 25 movies on my Amazon wishlist and shit-in-my-biscuits if’n they weren’t nearly all purchased by your magnificent Fancy Bastards within a couple of weeks. Merry happy to me! It was the highest def’d Xmas I’d ever had! Many of them were sent anonymously or only with first names, so if I didn’t thank you directly please know that I am extremely grateful.

A couple of very nice FB’s got me the Lord Of The Rings (Extended) Blu-Ray set for the very Blackest of all Fridays (before we even had the Blu-Ray player), and my wife and I just sat down to watch Fellowship this weekend. I know I am a heretic, but I HAD to zoom that shit in. I can’t stand seeing the black bars taking up 1/3 of my TV. I’m just the type that would much rather see a full 16:9 picture than know exactly what the rest of that one Orc’s shoulder looks like before he movies fully into frame. I realized this type of zoom-happy behavior is a dealbreaker for many of your videophiles, but having crossed the threshold of fatherhood and 30-year-old-hood I find myself giving less and less of a shit about “BUT THAT’S NOT THE RIGHT WAY TO NERRRRRRD!!!” and more about comfort, ease of use and simplicity. Zooming in my Blu-Rays to fill the screen is basically the entertainment equivalent of staying in sweatpants all day. Sure, it doesn’t look as nice, but who’s really gonna know besides me?

COMMENTERS: Is there a particular “accepted nerdy way” of doing things that you just refuse to bend on? Do you rip all your audio in lossless codecs? Do you get twitchy when you see that someone’s surround sound speakers are improperly placed [raises hand]? Have you ever managed to unburden yourself from any of these behaviors to positive results?

All HijiNKS Ensue wallpapers are now available on a “Pay what you like” donation basis. Please consider donating to support HijiNKS Ensue.

TO CURRENT VAULT SUBSCRIBERS: I am currently reworking the Vault and the incentives for donations. I have some really fun stuff to announce, hopefully later this month.

Tags: blu-ray, hd, lord of the rings, movies, tech

The Red And Blue Glasses Of Westmarch

Nothing says, “I bought you some stuff from the Internet,” like buying people stuff from the Internet.

AUSTING COMIC CON IS THIS WEEKEND!!! [MORE INFO]
November 11-13 at the Austin Convention Center! Look for me in the artist alley.

The problem with 3D technology in modern cinema is that is it usually an unnecessary add-on designed to create false buzz and inflate ticket prices. Sure, occasionally a pick-axe or severed appendage will fly out of the screen and into your face, but it doesn’t really add anything to the overall experience. Say what you will about Avatar, but seeing that film in 3D was an experience unto itself. It truly was beautiful and it felt nothing like just “seeing” a movie. It felt like living through an event. I actually read that well-done 3D can trick your brain into storing movies in the place that it would normally store memories of real events. That said, most 3D movies trick your bain into spending money on them, sitting through them then storing the memories in the same place you lock away 4th grade wedgies, 5th grade accidental farts during book reports and 10th grade atomic wedgies.

Avatar showed us what 3D can be in the hands of someone that views it as a story telling medium unto itself, rather than just a gimmick. After watching Peter Jackson’s recent The Hobbit video diary, I feel like we might not be so quick to dismiss 3D as a flash in the pan studio money-grab. The tech he is developing and the techniques they are using to create The Hobbit are truly astounding. First of all they are shooting at 48 FPS (movies are 24FPS and we see around 60FPS) at 5K! That’s nearly 5 times more information than our best HD, being recorded at twice the frame rate. He says in the video that people equate viewing the footage to having the back of the theater cut out, and just watching real event happening on the other side. If that doesn’t get you excited, then your mind has surely been warped and twisted by Sauron. Also, by the last few Final Destination and Saw movies.

Perhaps we should start regulating what movies can and can’t be shot in 3D. Maybe there should be a test, or a review panel consisting of James Cameron, Peter Jackson and “Weird” Al Yankovic.

COMMENTERS: PLEASE WATCH THAT PRODUCTION DIARY! Ok, now are you feeling any sort of increased enthusiasm about 3D? If not, why? Where do you want to see this tech go? Obviously every movie doesn’t need to be in 3D. Where do we draw the line?

Tags: 3d, fantasy, lord of the rings, movies, peter jackson, tech, the hobbit