Booty-Call Accelerator

The Fancy Sketch Drive is on! About 25/100 are already sold. Get in on this and help support me in a time of financial need while getting some sweet original art! I will draw damn near whatever you want (within reason) and I will do it live on Ustream!

Donors and subscribers are getting the first HE iBook/eBook. Drop a few bucks in the bucket and check it out for yourself. Take HE offline wherever you go!

San Diego Comic-Con is next week (holy shit)! I will be hanging out at booth 1332 with Blind Ferret. Check my Twitter for signing times and availability. More info HERE.

The first few HE comics, like the Higgs Boson announcement, are actually lettered in Comic Sans. I never changed the font in those early comics as a way to remind myself where I’d come from and what mistakes I had made. Those were dark times. Times when a man could get a newsletter from his dentist that had Comic Sans all over it. Right in his mailbox. AT HIS HOUSE! Sure, he might see Papyrus in the logo of a local spa or nail salon, but no one should have to deal with such fonts at the place where their children sleep. Dark times indeed.

So I guess the Universe gets to keep on having mass or whatever. S’pretty cool I guess. I mean, the Higgs Boson is neat and all, but I’m saving my excitement for when someone figures out why almost all of everything in the Universe isn’t actually there. I feel like maybe 100% to more than 100% of our resources as a people should be spent on unraveling that particular mystery, because personally it crushes my brain out of existence.

COMMENTERS: If we have sent the Declaration of Independence to England in Comic Sans, I’m pretty sure we’d all not be pronouncing out H’s. So what does a person or product have to do in order for you to immediately NOT take them seriously? Is it specific to your field or area of expertise (ie Is is something most people wouldn’t immediately notice)?

Transport Me Up Into The Spaceship, Scotchy

The Doctor Is In T-Shirt, Funny Doctor Who Parody Shirt, Charlie Brown, Sci-Fi

I know you can’t really use “Swiss” as a noun, but at least I didn’t just say, “some Swede.” I have a feeling the Swiss and the Swedes have a sort of GoBots/Transformers style rivalry. Like they probably came out at roughly the same time, but one of them (I’m not saying which one, but I think you know) was clearly superior in terms of marketing and originality. I also get the impression the Prime Minister of Switzerland is an enchanted  swan that occasionally takes human form to hand out pastries to good children. Or maybe that’s just Bjork. She’s from Iceland which is either near and very much like Switzerland or not at all. I think they both have ice hotels.

So it looks like physics as we know it might just be a bunch of crap. You see, these scientists at CERN have been shooting neutrinos (not to be confused with the pseudo new wave/punk rock aliens for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) at Italy for some time (which seems like an act of war), and they appeared to be arriving shortly before they left. Well, not really, but they were appearing sooner than they should have. Sooner than light, in fact. Light shows up in Italy the the neutrinos are acting all casual, stretched out on the sofa, sipping a creme soda and being all, “Oh, hey light. I guess you finally decided to show up. I’ve been waiting for you for like 60 nanoseconds. I was about to call the police and make sure you hadn’t been murdered or whatever.”

I say all of that to A) Intimidate you with my obviously superior knowledge of science, and B) to say this: I guess we don’t really know anything about anything, and I find that kind of terrifying and exciting.

COMMENTERS: Do you believe the findings will hold up to scrutiny or be replicable? Do we need to start rewriting physics? Will this discovery finally get us to a world more like Star Trek? Can it please?

I Wanna Dip My Buckyballs In It!

Apparently none of our giant-headed physicists can use their science brains to figure out what would happen were one to slip a wayward hand into the particle stream of the Large Hadron Collider. If you watch the video, their guesses range from, “I don’t know,” to “You can’t because it’s 100 meters below ground,” to “It’s like an aircraft carrier the size of a proton is driving through your hand but also there’s several billion of them so you die.” I like the last answer best. Instead of a circle, we need to re-engineer the LHC into a straight line and start some Dr. Doom “hold the world for ransom” type shenanigans.

My own personal theory is that your hand would dematerialize in the stream only to travel back in time to just before you put your hand in the beam and sign “STOP IT! STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE YOU STUPID ASSHOLE!” in ASL as it fell to the ground. Of course this would create a causality loop (because the fact that you see the hand before you stick your hand in the beam means you already stuck your hand in the beam) and a paradox (because you don’t know sign language, therefor neither does your hand) both of which would take turns unravelling the fabric of space-time.

The quantum sex act Josh describes in panel 3 is referred to in scientific circles as a “Swedish Fiddler,” a “A Golden CERN,” or a “Hot Black Hole with a Reverse Baby Universe.”

Commenters: Feel free to post your theory about what happens when you stick your hand in the LHC. Also, I’m designing holiday cards tonight. You have an idea for a card? Post it in the comments. This is your ONE shot to make suggestions.

With So Much Drama In The LHC

Alternate title: You Down With LHC?

Post coming later today (assuming the universe is still here).

I’ve been planning an LHC (yeah, you know me) comic for about a month and today seemed like the best time to pull the trigger. Acting under the assumption that there this is still an “is” and the Swiss have failed at their attempt to explode every molecule in our bodies at the speed of light, I’ll go ahead and breath a cautious sigh of relief. I’m all for science. Don’t get me wrong. I’m just more for… being and such.

I have a relative that worked on the Superconducting Super Collider here in TX before the project was shut down and the miles of underground tunnels were converted to miles of ABANDONED underground tunnels. I used to hope that they would get it up in running and I would be able to sneak on on “Family Day” or something and use the machine to shoot a peanut butter sandwich through an orangutan. Seems like they would have an ample supply of both.

I’ve been collecting Large Hadron Collider related links for a few weeks in hopes of making some sense out of any of these “Big Un-Bang” claims that have been floating around the tubertrons. In the end, the only thing that was clear was that “Goatsengularity” is the reason I was put on earth. I have enriched the world and touched each of your lives and now I can return to my stasis pod and sleep for 1000 years or until I am needed again.

A few FB’s made their peace with the world on the eve of it’s destruction.

Here’s the links I mentioned: