Conned By Constant Consonants

My Patrons got EIGHT TOTALLY DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF YESTERDAY’S COMIC with totally different jokes!!! WHAT?!?!? I KNOW!!!

Dearest Sharksploders, please help me get my Patreon over the $2000 hump. Comics is my full time job, but it doesn’t currently pay full time money. I’ve been doing a lot of freelance work lately (which distracts me from making comics) to make ends meet, and I’ve agreed to attend more conventions this year than I really feel comfortable with (which REALLY distracts me from making comics) out of financial fear. Every little bit helps and is QUITE appreciated.


This is 100% true. There are certain words that I’ve struggled with spelling correctly my entire life, and with the advent of autocorrect and my advancing age I have fully decided to let Autocorrect Jesus take the wheel. I appreciate that my phone is willing and able to pick up the slack for my dwindling grey matter. I do wonder, though, if technology and humanity will even be so integrated that kids just aren’t taught… well, THINGS anymore. Like, would you get a call from your kid’s teacher saying, “Well, Johnny had a problem today. He was in the middle of the upgrade from 3rd Grade OS 6.08 to 3rd Grade OS 6.1 and he removed his USB cable. Now he’s in a coma and you’re going to have to come get him.” “WHY DIDN’T WE ENABLE SYNC OVER WIFI?! WHY?!?!” you’d scream to the heavens. “I HAVE FAILED MY SON! I NEVER EVEN READ THE END USER LICENSE AGREEMENTS FOR HIS SERVICE PACKS! I JUST CLICK AGREE!” You monster.

Different Names For The Same Thing

The HijiNKS ENSUE Store is all new looking and such, and all ladies shirts are $5 off! 

COMMENTERS: Ready access to Chinese food: Important hallmark of civilization, or MOST important hallmark of civilization? What else is required? What creature comforts must you live nearby to consider a place livable?

The 2013 DIGITAL FANCY SKETCH DRIVE is still going! Check out the details and order yours HERE.

MY WIFE KEEPS MAKING AWESOME STUFF! In addition to having her own photo restoration business, my wife has also started making super cool, ultra geeky jewelry on Etsy. You can see her Tetris necklace and more geeky creations in her shop, but she just announced her Harry Potter inspired Quidditch necklace. Look at those bludgers! 

quidditch necklace

Comments (11)

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Now I want Chow Mein and spring rolls, but we’re having roast.


1 reply · active 96 weeks ago

seriously's avatar

seriously · 96 weeks ago

Split the difference, make Chow Mein out of the roast, and use the sides like your veggies to make spring rolls.
Tyler Green's avatar

Tyler Green · 97 weeks ago

This is a huge difference. I spent 6 years teaching in China, and every summer when I came back to Canada, my mom always wanted to go for Chinese food at local buffets. Canadian “Chinese” food is just terrible in those buffets, so now that I’m home for good I’m making friends with the cooks to get the real stuff!
Minos's avatar

Minos · 96 weeks ago

My preferred term for Americanized Chinese food (sweet and sour anything, especially) is “Meat Candy”. Sometimes you want Chinese food, and sometimes you want Meat Candy. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Bron's avatar

Bron · 96 weeks ago

I personally regard hats as being the mark of civilised people, they must be non-douchy ones however (though my definition about hats is basically that if lots of douchbags wear them then they are a douchy hat).

Logically this must mean that a civilised society must have hat shops (milleners?).

1 reply · active 96 weeks ago

bron's avatar

bron · 96 weeks ago

(it would not let me put it as one post sorry)

I also feel that having libraries readily available is also a must.

If you think american chinese food is odd you should try some of the stuff you can get in mid Wales, the home of the chinese chip shop (that is a fish and chip (chunky fries for Americans) shop that also sells chinese food (bonus points if they sell “kebabs”)). I have seen people with absolutely no irony order “sweet and sour pork balls, a saveloy and half n’ half love with mushy peas” (that is battered pork balls (think 80% batter 20% pork) with sweet and sour sauce, a “pork” sausage (I have never been sure if you are supposed to eat the skin or not, I think it might be made of plastic) and half chips (again fries) and half rice (often oddly crunchy but with no clear reason why….) with peas that have been cooked so much they have sort of disolved a little (much better then it sounds trust me)).

Candace's avatar

Candace · 96 weeks ago

In addition to readily available “Chinese” food, easy access to pizza is crucial. Without delivery pizza, civilization as we know it might just collapse into a Mad-Maxian pizzapocalypse.
KryssLaBryn's avatar

KryssLaBryn · 58 weeks ago

High-speed Internet, decent Chinese food, and really good sushi.

I suppose good schools and decent neighbours and all that too, but honestly, having lived in both cities and rural areas, I can cope with outhouses and no running water if I can just have decent Internet and good (Americanized) Chinese and really good sushi.


A Lament For Language


funny scifi parody t-shirt newt 2012 newt for president t-shirt aliens ripley scifi parody

I’m not saying the Internet is making us more stupid. On the contrary. It’s just making us SOUND more stupid. Now if you will pardon me, I have to go update my Frangbo.

COMMENTERS: Have you ever found yourself uttering an Internet-born word or phrase with complete sincerity only to realize later how incredibly dumb it sounded? I still don’t like to say “he Tweeted me” or “they @’d me” in real conversation. I will usually take the long way around to “_____ said this on Twitter.” Alternately, please make up some more fake-but-totally-plausible-sounding social media services. 

You can now purchase a super high quality 11×17″ print of any HE comic by clicking the “Buy A Print” button between the “Previous” and “Next” buttons in the navigation menu. If you don’t see it, try refreshing your browser cache.

Get HijiNKS ENSUE Comic Prints!

The Oxford English Urban Dictionary

Dallas Anime Fest

Dallas Animefest is this Weekend! Come see me, Shortpacked and Two Lumps (plus a bunch of cat-girls and such) all Labor Day Weekend. We will be doing a Webcomic’s panel every day.

It’s Fri Sept 3rd – Mon Sept 6th, 2010 at the Hyatt Regency Dallas at Reunion Tower.

These words, among others, were added to the Oxford English Dictionary, which has abandoned a print edition in favor of an online only format, this year: chillax, bromance, vuvuzela, tweetup, de-friend, frenemy, staycation, steampunk and freemium. That’s right, you are one of the privileged few who were alive to witness the English Language actually BECOME The Internet. Congratulations to us all.

How long will it be until dictionaries are divided by “standard,” “rhyming” and “sexting” editions? I don’t care if the print edition of the OED is dead. As Josh points out in panel one (quoting Sir Egon Spangler), “Print is dead.” It’s more the idea that any dumbass thing we start saying on the interweb (a word that was also added to the OED this year) just magically enters the canon of the English language. Lame, English speaking world. Super lame.

COMMENTERS: Please invent a word or word-mashup and give it’s definition and at least one example of proper usage. The dumbest word will be officially added into my vocabulary.