Emerald City Comicon 2015 Fancy Photo Comic Part 2


Hustlin’ hustlin’, every day for three or four days at a time, every other month or so I’m hustlin’. It’s hard to be at a convention, trying to hawk some wares that you built with your brain and your fists and your guts, and then realizing the people just are picking up what you’re putting down. That’s when you have to decide on the fly that a t-shirt no one wants is actually $20 baby hammock. Everyone’s got a baby and no one has any place to put them. These aren’t book collections of a webcomic you’ve never heard of. No! These are perfect bound packs of artisanal, small batch, gluten free, sustainable pipe wrapping papers. You know, for when you give a pipe as a gift. And these? These aren’t posters referencing things with which you are totally unacquainted. These are One Page Dream Journals! YEAH! We covered the other side with random images and words to prevent you from going on too long about trying to fight off a hairless wolf with the face of your mother while you take a math test that you didn’t know about because you’re back in 10th grade for some reason. You’ll take ten? You must be really creative and smart.

This Fancy Photo Comic features Jennie, Kris and Dave from Cyanide & Happiness, Angela Melick and DumDum David.

If you missed Part 1, it’s HERE.


Denver Comic Con 2014 Fancy Sketches BONUS CYANIDE & HAPPINESS EDITION


Books, Prints, Posters, Lil’ Wil Wheaton plushies and Holiday Cards are all HALF OFF! Some shirts are marked down to $5! 


Ok, I sorted through all the sketches that I did as a part of Cyanide & Happiness at Denver Comic Con, filtered those that contained explicitly sexual, sacrilegious or otherwise disturbing images (a chef performing an abortion and Jesus nailed to a skateboard catching some sick air on a half pipe, to name just a couple) and this is what was left. Take away the truly objectionable stuff and you’re left with ultra-violence, apparently. But, hey, this is America. If force feeding a doctor a bunch of running chainsaws turns your stomach, then I don’t even know what we’re fighting three wars for (it’s still just three, right?). Thanks to Kris and Ryan for the super fun Colorado times! A++ Would Mountain Time Zone Again!

Fancy Patrons: We are less than $50 away from unlocking more comics per week!



JoCo Cruise Crazy 3 Guest Comic By Kris Wilson Of Cyanide And Happiness


JoCo Cruise Crazy 3 Guest Comic Fortnight makes a detour to drop off a nondescript duffle bag at an unmarked port with this comic from Kris Wilson of Cyanide And Happiness. Kris did a guest “Cy-Jinks” comic for the last JoCo cruise. In the blog post for that comic I mentioned that Kris and his CnH cohorts (one of whom, Rob, is on the boat with me right now, and pictured above in shape-figure form) were in talks with Comedy Central to produce an animated show on the actual TV. I the last 12 months THINGS HAVE CHANGED. They walked away from the deal in favor of producing an animated series (and much more) on their own. This is super exciting, not only because my friends are going to get to make a show on their own terms, and I’m going to be contributing in some capacity (more on that later) but also because of what it means for independent content creators and what is now possible in terms of dealing directly with your audience sans middleman. I won’t be able to update while I’m on the boat, but If you follow Kris on Twitter I bet he’ll give you a link to their Kickstarter this week, maybe early next week. Fun, exciting times are ahead!

I made a bunch of shirts and put them on the internet for to you buy. Wil Wheaton helped.

Kris was here in Dallas all last week and we had a good old fashioned sleep over. We giggled about girls, watched scary movies and ate too much junk food. Which is to say we wrote a bunch of comedy for internet-TV-type-shows and made some comics. Kris is that person for me that completely unclogs my creative tap. He’s a plumber for my stopped up mental drain. He’s the toilet snake for my haha comedy pipes. He’s the metaphor to my some other thing whatever. If even half of what we’ve been talking about sees the light of day in the coming year, you’re REALLY going to enjoy it.

So today would be day four of the cruise. I’m guessing the barnacle related death toll is somewhere near an even dozen. I’d also expect that we will have accidentally left somewhere around 1/4 to 1/3 of the passengers on various tropical islands totally by accident. Those of us who are left pretty much have free reign of the boat. It’s my turn to drive today! I should be a very good cruise ship driver because of that time I road the flume ride at Six Flags. Just raise your hands and scream, right! Don’t forget to flip off the camera when you pass it. Oh, man what a good joke. [SPOILERS: I crashed us into a whale. Half of the remaining passengers fell directly into the great beast’s sea-mouth and were swallowed whole. A group of individuals led by one of our Somali pirate line cooks has taken a life boat out to try and reach an armistice with the whale. DOUBLE SPOILERS: They sailed directly into its mouth as well. There are 60, maybe 70 people left on this boat and NONE of them know how to make room service. Things are getting dire and late-night club sandwiches are going UNMADE AND UNEATEN!]

COMMENTERS: What was I talking about? No idea. Ok, give me your best/worst vacation stories. Bonus points of there were shenanigans involved.


Guest Comic By Kris Wilson Of Cyanide And Happiness


Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you! 

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts,  nerdy shirts

JoCo Cruise Crazy II Guest Week is stranded up on a desert island! I am surviving on the contents of the buffet trays that keep washing ashore and have constructed a rudimentary shelter out of David Willis. The good news is the drinks are now free. The bad news is the drinks are all sea water. Those of us that remain has formed a simple organizational hierarchy, but I fear for the safety of Piggy. I just don’t think he has what to takes to not be murdered. HEY A CRAB!

Sometime around 1997 Kris Wilson along with an elite group of boobies-obsessed preteens, middle aged engineers and Rupert Murdoch met in secret to write the original charter for the Internet. Kris was the one that decided on the “dot” in “.com” due to its ressemblance to both a dick hole and the dickhole-shaped birthmark he has on his dickhole. At only 15 years old, this dude was shaping the very web-o-tron that we live, work and prey on today. Was his early entry into the hall of eHeroes a case of child prodigy, lax parenting or both? The answer, like our collective innocence, is lost to the ages. The answer is also “both.”

There are few people on this planet whose company I enjoy more than Kris Wilson’s. And that is saying a lot considering he spells his name like a girl and he was born in Wyoming. We met at C2E2 2010 in Chicago and within moments we were singing karaoke’d Creed to a party of drunken bride’s-harpies. It was a fast friendship after that and an even faster, more furious courtship. I expect the court proceedings to be even more so 5ast and 5uriou5.

Kris is one of those guys that’s down for anything, ready to run with any joke premise no questions asked and would rather lift up those around him than bring them down or see them fail. These attributes are what has kept him alive all these centuries and what will make facing him in The Cartoonist Quickening all that much harder. Still, I shall have his head for my trophy belt. My belt of heads. It is impossible to sit down while wearing that thing.

He and his Explosm cohorts (one of which is on a boat with me right now! Hi Rob! Can you get me another rum punch? No? You’ve forgotten how to walk? Whale venom will do that to you.) are working on a TV pilot for Comedy Central right now. At least I’ll be able to say, “I knew him when…” and “Can I borrow like $40,000? I KNOW you got it man! I KNOW YOU GOT IT! YOU COCKSUCKER! THEY’RE GOING TO TAKE MY HANDS! MYYYY HAAAAAANDS!”

The above comic illustrates everything I love about being a self-employed cartoonist. The dialog comes straight from a BUSINESS EMAIL between me, Kris and a few others. BUSINESS. Like the stuff you get paid for. That kind of business. What?

COMMENTERS: What conversation, activity, or other whatever have you been the most shocked by (either positively or negatively) in a business setting? One time my old boss called me into his office to look at something that was wrong with his computer. When I got there he typed on his screen, “You can totally see down [female coworker]’s top from here. She keeps shaking her foot and making them bounce. I can’t get any work done. I don’t know what to do?”


Connecticon 2011 Fancy Photo Comic Part 2


Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts, nerdy shirts

CONVENTION NEWS: San Diego ComiCon is in a week and a half! I will be with Ryan and Lar and Danielle at the Blind Ferret Booth in the Webcomic area. Row 13 I believe. I will have books 1 and 2, prints, sketches and nearly all of my shirts.

Thus endeth my Connecticon shenanigans! After the last day of the show, the organizers threw the guests and staff a pasta buffet/bowling party at a place called Bowl-A-Rama. I bowled the best game of my life (a 108), and had an amazing time hanging out with Kris, Rob (Cyanide and Happiness)and Jennie. I partially attribute my all time high score to the addition of a White Russian (Caucasian). The Dude abides, and he knows his bowling drinks.

Every time I post these post-con photo comics I get a few complaints to the tune of, “blah blah this is just a bunch of inside jokes that we don’t get mnah blorh this is how I sound because I’m a stupid whiny baby mnahhh.” I make these photo comics for two reasons. A) to make me and my friends (the ones in the comic) laugh while remembering how much fun we had, and B) to give you guys something to look at while I recuperate from the con. So yeah, they are mostly inside jokes, but that was exactly why I started HE in the first place. To entertain my friends. I personally think it would be cool to see how some of my favorite Internet peoples hang out on their off time. I know this negative sentiment is not shared by the majority of you Fancy Bastards, but I just wanted to clear that up. Regular comics resume tomorrow.

STORE NEWS: The HijiNKS ENSUE Store is closed for a few weeks so I can make some big, exciting changes. [READ MORE HERE] In the meantime you can still get shirts from Sharksplode and HE Book 2 from this very site.