The Unforgivable

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Everyone involved in THIS should be ashamed of themselves forever.

Are Metallica just trolling their fans now? Did suing 800,000 Napster users not do a good enough job of alienating them? The bitter sting of St. Anger was starting to fade and Death Magnetic was actually pretty good, so… what? They have to try even harder to make sure everyone despises them? Does their pact with Satan expire of their number of fans grows past a certain point? Are they the Speed of speed metal? Are they involved in some kind of Brewster’s Millions situation where they lose their inheritance unless than can shed 30 million fans in 30 days? Are they a 30 year long performance art piece designed to explore the limits of a fan’s commitment to a band, and expose what it is to truly love something, only to have it hate you so hard you implode under the weight of your own sadness? I bet it’s that last one. The simplest explanation is often the right one.

COMMENTERS: Please come up with other projects Metallica brainstormed before opting to collaborate with Lou Reed. Is Lou Reed the linch pin in this whole thing? Do they love him so much they would make terrible music just to please him? What artist (music, acting, etc) would you make that kind of sacrifice for and what would their terrible pet project be? What role would you play in it?

We named the dog Indiana

Things are looking the opposite of up for “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Whatever Whatever“. At least, if you believe the netmotrons (as I am inclined to do). All of the reviews I’ve read are from die hard fans of the franchise, desperate to give the film a fair shake. One reviewer gave a quote that struck a chord with me (pardon the pun):

This is the “Free as a Bird” of Indiana Jones movies. 

Merciful Robot Jesus, if that is the case I am sad because I know EXACTLY what he means. He means, “Yes, we had the ability to make another Indy movie, and we have the money and the actors were on board… but we didn’t have any reason to do it.

I’ve never been a fan of “sequels for the sake of sequels.” If you have a story to tell, then by all means, get to tellin’. If you are just squeezing those last precious drops of life blood from a beloved entertainment entity for no other reason but to see if you can, maybe you should rethink your motives.

I was only 7 or 8 when i saw “Last Crusade.” It made a huge impression on me. I got a bull whip at the state fair, and spent many an afternoon recovering lost treasures from my back yard. Seeing the movie again as an adult, it held up to the deepest scrutiny. It’s up there with my all time perfect geek flicks. I’d rather walk away from Dr. Jones with those fond memories in tact, but chances are I will see “Kingdom of Such and Such” with it’s aliens and psychics and Labeoufs and what not eventually. I hope the early reviews are 100% wrong and it’s a very enjoyable film, but past experience leads me to keep my expectations on the lowest side of low.

I had this idea that the 4th film should feature an adult Short Round as the villain. He’s still 4 feet tall but he’s old and grizzled and has a robot eye or a claw or something. Also he still talks like he’s 9. He and the “homnomshbop” heart stealing guy team up to steal the Shroud of Turin. Speaking of, “The DaVinci Code” would have made a pretty good Indy Jones movie. The plot fits right in with “Ark” and “Crusade.” Plus, unlike Tom Hanks, Indy would have banged the last of Christ’s bloodline. Oh well.

I’m pretty disappointed I didn’t work “He chose poorly” into the comic.