There Once Was A Man From Kirkjuvágr

“…Whose flerhghrn was so long he could sklargk it!”

More info about Tolkien’s “new” book of harsh, frigid, Nordic verse, “The Legend of Sigurd and Gudrún,” if you follow this link:

In the notes that accompany the manuscript Tolkien basically says, “I was looking for a way to practice being more long-winded and-my-axeand boring in an effort to stifle the flow of my narratives, so I tossed off some Norse poetry (obeying all the standard harsh and bitter guidelines) on these pages. It should be regarded as cat box liner or perhaps tissues to clense the anus.”

OK, that’s a little harsh, but he does state that the “NEW FABULOUS PREVIOUSLY UNKNOWN TOLKIEN WORK!!!LOLONE” was merely an exercise in a new (boring) medium for him. I’ve gone on record (especially on the HE Podcast) as saying Peter Jackson SAVED “Lord of The Rings” from Tolkien’s own inane rambling. He turned those stories into something a human person could actually digest in one life time. The mass of material he cut out, while of vital importance to some, did nothing for me but strangle the story. When I finally read LOTR: TFotR AFTER seeing the films, I was struck dumb at the level of unnecessary and distracting detail the “Hobbitpedia” went into.  Not that I would want to, but rest assured I know how best to cultivate Pipe Weed, what type of soil to use, when to plant, when to harvest, how much to put in a dime bag, etc etc.

My point is, just because it has the “Tolkien” stamp of approval, doesn’t mean it’s fit for release or mass consumption. Tolkien himself probably never intended for the public to read it. It reminds me of 9th grade when I was obsessed with Foo Fighters. This was pre-internet so I was tracking down every B-Side, import and rarity on CD in record stores, at record conventions and in catalogs. A year or so and a few hundred dollars later I had every song they had ever released (and many they hadn’t). Lots of the Japanese B-Sides and rare live recordings were actually pretty crappy. I was just being a completest. There was a reason these songs didn’t make it to the albums. So if this is Tolkiens B-Side, I hope the Hobbit-hungry public treats it as such.


A Reddit commenter finished the limerick: