LAST CHANCE FOR “KEEP YOUR LAWS OFF MY OVIPOSITOR SHIRTS”!!!
They are only $15! They will never be printed again, so get ’em while you can.

Thanks for forgiving Monday and Tuesday’s absent comics. My wife and I had been working on Book 2 for 5 days straight with very little sleep and I just didn’t have the energy to create anything else. The good news is we turned the files over to the printer yesterday afternoon and then I went to sleep for 12 hours.  All that’s left is for Canadian book-witches to magic them into existence. Then frost giants will carry them by the pallet to America, and I in turn will ship them out to you. It might be more like early March instead of late February. We’ll see how quickly the Canadian are able to etch each page into living stone and earth (this is the only way Canadians know how to make books). The best news of all is that I was able to accomplish 100% of what I set out to do with the book. I am extremely proud of it, and I think you will enjoy it. You can still PREORDER BOOK 2 if you haven’t already. This will be one of your only opportunities to get an artist edition other than at conventions.

Speaking of barren, icy wastelands: IT IS AS COLD AS A WARLOCKS BALLS IN DALLAS! The city, which is supposed to be playing host to nearly a million visitors this week, is for all intents and purposes shut down. People up north talk about us like we’re pussies because we freak out when we get an inch or two of snow. The reasons we freak out are A) we lack to infrastructure to navigate the snow (shovels, sand trucks, snow chains, patience, kindness) B) The news tells us specifically, in no uncertain terms to start freaking out. The treat it like the end times, and encourage us to resort to hoarding and survivalism. C) You can’t shoot snow and ice, which is the default way Texans would solve most problems. I mean you CAN shoot it, but it’s still going to be there long after you’ve run out of ammo (which is saying a lot in Texas).

Yesterday I watched a recycling truck attempt to turn around in my cul de sac and get stuck. The driver’s only recourse was to spin his 6 enormous tires at full speed for 20 minutes while the massive vehicle remained completely motionless. I can only assume he was hoping the either the friction or his frustration would eventually melt the ice.

Returning to the idea of a million sports type people helping to cripple our newly Arctic metroplex, I saw a commercial last week that aimed to teach Dallas natives how to treat our visitors. It featured some Dallas Cowboy dude… Tony Roma? No, that’s a restaurant. Whoever he was, he informed us that soon we would be playing host to a million Superbowl enthusiasts, and that we should show them how great Dallas is by treating them with respect and kindness. I seriously got the impression that he was saying, “Look, Dallas, the neighbors are coming over for dinner and you better not act like a bunch of monkeys – jumping all over the furniture and screaming like animals. We are trying to impress these people so they want to come back again, and I’ll have NONE of your shenanigans.” I also kind got this subtext message of, “I understand these people aren’t necessarily Cowboys fans. Please… PLEASE do not assault them, throw things at them, hit them with bats, run them over with your pickups, or murder them in any fashion. Just as a favor to me, Sportsguy McGee.”

They’ve also been doing rolling blackouts all over Dallas since yesterday because the power company can apparently cool six million homes when it’s 108 degrees all summer, but can’t heat those same homes when it’s 17 degrees with a windchill of 1. I have a feeling all of the power is being diverted to an array of space-based blow dryers that are aimed directly at Cowboys Stadium. You know… priorities and all.