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Guest Comic By Lar deSouza

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The Doctor Is In T-Shirt, Funny Doctor Who Parody Shirt, Charlie Brown, Sci-Fi

Nothing says, “I bought you some stuff from the Internet,” like buying people stuff from the Internet.¬†

JoCo Cruise Crazy II guest week starts now! I will be on a boat all week with about half of the Internet and a dozen or so of my close friends and at least a handful of my creative heroes, and YOU sent me there with your generous participation in my fundraiser! So, thanks for that. What a swell lady or gent or undefinable organism you are. I will karaoke “Come Sail Away” by Styx in your honor. Was I being too presumptuous in classifying you as an organism? I’m trying to be sensitive but at this point I will have been drinking rum punches with dolphins for several days and I should not be held responsible for… well, anything. Of course I am technically writing this the Thursday before I leave, so… now my eyes have gone cross. RUM PUNCH STAT!

It is a safe bet that you aren’t Lar deSouza, which is to say I am not as fond of you as I am of Lar deSouza because I AM SUPER FOND OF LAR DESOUZA! He is essentially the greatest guy. Completely disregarding the fact that he can draw EVERYTHING in nearly any style or configuration, have it look amazing and somehow seem effortless – disregarding all of that – he is one of the most genuine, sweet men I am ever met. Let’s see, you got the talent. You got the sweetness. You got the MIGHTY MIGHTY beard. You got the penchant for wearing fezzes and various other novelty¬†chapeaus. He really has it all… ladies. Also he has a wife… ladies. So whatever you’re thinking… he is probably totally cool with you thinking it AS HARD AS YOU CAN. Maybe even email him some pictures of what you’re thinking of.

Lar was kind enough to contribute a comic for Cruise Guest week, but introduced him to Jonathan Frakes, so that makes us even essentially forever. You can see Lar’s work on Least I Could Do, Looking For Group, on Twitter and you can buy some pretty fantastic prints in his store. I personally recommend this one of all 11 Doctors as bunnies because… well did you read the thing about Doctors and bunnies? I know, right?

COMMENTERS: Perhaps The Doctor is our only hope against The Phantom Menace in 3D. How could he make the movie, nay, the whole prequel trilogy more palatable?

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An Offer He Can’t Refuse

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Alternate title: “Meesa Makin’ Him An Offer Heesa Can’t Be Refusin’ ”

The idea that the upcoming Star Wars TV series would be like “Deadwood meets The Sopranos ” does little else other than make me twitch. Not that I have anything against either show (I’ve never seen them). I just can’t understand how, when given the opportunity to resurrect his now laughable franchise Lucas will ignore each and every single one of his (former) fans as they scream in unison, “ALL WE WANT IS JEDI AND LIGHTSABERS AND SPACE BATTLES AND DROIDS!!!” That’s it.

Now you might say, “The dreaded prequels had all of those things. You must be some kind of idiot.” Let me clarify. We want those things and ONLY those things. No Senate sub-committees, no trade disputes, no convoluted political posturing, no biology to explain the metaphysics of the universe, no terrible child actors, no great actors forced into mediocrity by poor writing and worse directing, none of that shit!

This is also not to say that we don’t want story elements. We do. We crave it like delicious mango’s or spiced meats. We want action, suspense, love, Wookies, “The Heroes Journey,” all of it. But you are so fucking bad at those things, George. You are just terrible at each and every one… at least you have been for the last decade or so. Stick to your guns. And by that I mean guns. The kinds with lasers. If you try and reinvent this franchise as a mafia drama or anything other than “Knights of the Old Republic: The Series” I’m going to kick you in the neck-scrotum.

George, you have spent 100% of your effort focusing on perfecting the technology of film making and in the process you have robbed your films of their soul. The Original Trilogy was a technical masterpiece, but it had heart. You are trying so hard to control everything down to the smallest detail that you’ve completely lost your way. The people that cared about you don’t even recognize you behind all of the machinery and computers. You seem fueled by a lust for ultimate control and power, but you are alienating everyone that loves you and transforming into more machine than… ohmyfuckinggod George Lucas is Darth Vader.

The prequels were a cry for help. George, I know there is still good in you. Come back to the light side.

On a side note, rather than make this rediculous “The HutFather” series, hire these two kids and let them run wild. I had more fun watching Ryan and Dorkman than I had during all 3 prequels combined.

So, give it to me. What’s your IDEAL Star Wars series? I would accept either “Jedi Academy”¬† or “KOTOR: The Series.”

P.S.

Here’s a decapitated horse head in a bed. I’m just saying is all.