Use Your Environment

Use Your Environment

I usually watch movies on my iPad when on an airplane, and I would always get a sore neck trying to stare down at an uncomfortable angle when the iPad was sitting on the tray. I eventually devised a system (not unlike the one portrayed in the comic above) that involved a piece of string, a… squeezy drawstring thing(?) and a folding wire book stand [see it in action HERE]. Depending on the type of plane I’m on, I can usually toss this contraption on the seat in front of me without the seat’s occupant noticing. Above all else it keeps me somewhat comfortable in what is essentially the most uncomfortable place in (or above) the world, and prevent me from looking like the twisted, contorted, misshapen business golem next to me who’s trying to make all the colors pretty on a very important spreadsheet with the laptop sitting on his sternum, the screen resting flat on the tray and his elbows angled up at his ears with his deformed, birdlike talons pecking away at the keys of his… probably a Lenovo or a Fujitsu or some other corporate issued business bullshit laptop. COMMENTERS: How do you maximize your travel comfort, or rather minimize your travel misery (since that’s really the best you can hope for)? Do you go full PJ’s and slippers? I bet you do. You totally do. THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW!!! 1) I will be at Emerald City Comicon in Seattle (March 28-30, 2014) with my good friend David Willis and I will be putting on my first ever solo comicon panel! It will be all about...
And Everything In Its Place

And Everything In Its Place

When you take an iPad out of the bathroom, it’s actually like when you try and take the Holy Grail beyond the seal of the Grail Chamber. Your everything collapses, killing a 500 year old knight and some Nazis then you, Sean Connery and John Rhys-Davies ride off into the desert on horses or camels or whatever. It’s a whole thing. I will be at San Diego Comic-Con for the 4th year this week! Come see me at the Blind Ferret Booth (#1231) in the Webcomics area. I will have books and shirts, sketches, Lil’ Wil plushies and ??????THE MYSTERY BOX??????!!!! Speaking of books, if you buy HijiNKS ENSUE Vol’s 1 or 2 you’ll get a free mini print featuring my Sharknado sequel posters! More info HERE. Comments (2) Dashboard | Edit profile | Logout Logged in as hijinksensue Admin Options @bpmann · 100 weeks ago There have been 4 years this week? That explains a lot. Block IPDelete Reply 1 reply · active 100 weeks ago Grammar Dalek · 100 weeks ago THE GRAMMAR DALEK HAS AN APPRECIATION FOR WITTY CORRECTIONS. Block IPDelete Reply Tags: apple, ipad,...
Putting Out Fires

Putting Out Fires

HijiNKS ENSUE PODCAST Episode 87 “ZombieWhatever.com” is live! I can’t say I’m totally in favor of tech that’s involuntarily ad supported. Maybe if it was an option for a lower upfront cost I’d be cool with it, but knowing that it’s just part of the package is a little hard to swallow. Of course Google (the actual search engine, not the media conglomerate that beams keywords into your nightmares based on specific childhood fears you wrote about on Facebook) is a piece of tech that only comes plastered with ads. So maybe that’s not such a bad way to keep costs done. Ok, in the course of two sentences I have invalidated my own opinion, or at least confused it a bit. I remember in the late 90’s/early 2000’s when you could get free dial up if you agreed to have about 2″ of your 15″ (14″ viewable) monitor taken up with ads. I never got it to work at my apartment, but I had a few friends that did and they would make a bezel out of black tape around their screens to permanently cover the ads. Perhaps that was the first ad blocker. Speaking of ad blockers, if you use one please consider white-listing this site. I make a about a quarter of my income from ads and every little bit helps. Amazon says: yes, you can opt out of ads on new Kindle Fire models (update 2: not likely) If Apple is all about the devices, Amazon is all about the services Every new Kindle Fire model is ad-subsidized with lock screen ‘Special Offers’ Amazon’s 8.9-inch Kindle Fire HD impressions Despite being an iPad man...
Consecration

Consecration

NEW SHIRT!!! There are a lot of misconceptions about THE PENTAPPLEGRAM. Did you know ancient druids used it to ward off kernel panics as well as for human sacrifice? Josh has his new “The New iPad” for mere moments before he discovered that it was capable of wireless upload speeds faster than the download speed of his fiber optic home internet. That shit is, in a word, bananas. Of course super fast, go-anywhere data doesn’t matter much when a couple of hours of video streaming eats all of your allotted bandwidth for the entire month. I’ll never get used to the constant “two steps forward, three steps back” mentality of the big telco companies. Everything is always unlimited and nearly free until it A) gets good and B) a lot of people start using it. Of course I see the correlation between higher quality service and more users to need for more infrastructure, employees, etc, but early adopters like me get to sick back and watch our bills go up as our services get whittled away. Remember when long distance phone service used to be a thing? At least that was an antiquated telecommunication concept we were able to move past and stay past. Now nearly every service provider for any kind of data (wired, wireless or otherwise) is reverting to the ancient AOL days of metered bandwidth, and it’s bastard offspring – throttling. In a few years, we aren’t going to have wired anything (and that includes Satellite TV). We’re going to have a home broadband antenna that brings in our TV, Internet and mobile data through one fat wireless pipe. And...
What’s In The Box?!

What’s In The Box?!

UPDATE! Check out this new shirt I made: THE PENTAPPLEGRAM! There will probably be stickers as well in the future. Many of us more technologically inclined individuals have certain habbitual behaviors concerning the delivery, unboxing, first use and subsequent treatment of new toys. Josh has apparently found a way to monetize his. If you do good work, the audience will find you. If you do unspeakable things with brushed aluminum and glossy touch screens, Klaus und Deter und all der friends vil gladly pay $40 Euros per minute to vitness it. Despite being quite the technophile, and always purchasing the newest Apple toy/game console/erotic defribulator/ etc on launch day, Josh is actually quite hard on his gadgets (NDJI – No Dick Joke Intended… oh wait… HARD! I get it. Yeah, dick joke definitely intended – YDJDI). He’s a no case, no screen protector, shit’s gonna get scratches, just freeball the phone in my pocket with my keys kind of guy. The only thing he’s treats worse than phones is cameras. He once tried to gift me his point and shoot digital camera which was barely recognizable as anything but a lump of plastic scar tissue with a couple of LEDs. It might have been a tumor removed from a robot. Robot cancer is a serious problem. Educate yourself, people. iFixit tears down the third generation iPad (Updated) Third-gen iPads sell out in pre-order, European orders now show 2-3 week delivery What’s in a name: Why the new iPad isn’t called iPad 3 COMMENTERS: Are you a ginger gadget grabber? Do you wear the kiddest of kid gloves with your phone/iPod/tablet/whatever or do you toss it around all caseless and willy nilly and let...
Fully Functional

Fully Functional

You’re The Last Of The Timelords, Charlie Brown I’m not saying I fucked your washing machine. I’m just implying that in about 9 months there might be a litter of baby appliances running around your kitchen that look a lot like a cross between me and your Kenmore Elite Front Load.  I have been known to covet a gadget or two in my day. I’ve even continued those covetous feelings AFTER already owning a gadget. The experience could be described as “gadget lust,” but I have never considered actually having intercourse with my iPad. Ok, I have never actually taken practical steps toward fucking my iPad. I guess there’s a distinction that needs to be made between figuring out the mechanics of an act in your head and actually going to Home Depot to purchase materials. Confirmed: Fleshlight Developing an iPad Case You Can Have Sex With  As panel 1 above suggests, I really think the fuckable iPad marks a significant moment in human history. We’ll likely start measuring recorded history in B.C., A.D. and A.F.i. (After Fuckable iPad). The only question is whether we will say “I can’t imagine how terrible life must have been pre-A.F.i.” or “Remember pre-A.F.i. when roving gangs of cyber-wolves didn’t patrol the streets of the burned cities in their decapitanks? Remember clean water? Remember the sun? Remember OH SHIT LOOK OUT IT’S CHIEF CYBER-WOLF, VICEROY STEELPAW!” Maybe it won’t be all that severe. Maybe fuckable iPads will just be the next “checking email while jogging” or “texting while driving” or “breaking while entering.” Regardless, I am going to start investing in companies that sell close up videos...
2 Pad 2 Furious

2 Pad 2 Furious

EWOK STAAAAAARRREEEEEE!!! C2E2 IN CHICAGO IS NEXT WEEKEND!!! I will be there with Randy, Danielle and David! THERE IS A NEW HE PODCAST!!! EPISODE 81 – DICK ISLAND Josh IRL picked up an iPad 2 today and he’s already looking for ways to not just dispose of, but humiliate its predecessor. I feel like if there were a way to pants an iPAd in front of the girl it liked, Josh would do just that. iPad 2 First Video Look and Comparison to Android Tablets iFixit tears down iPad 2 The iPad 2 Launch Day in Pictures and Video Commenters: What can Josh do with his old iPad? Fold it in half and use it as a stand for his iPad 2? Cram it under his tires for traction when he gets stuck in the mud? World’s tiniest and most expensive toboggan? YOU DECIDE! Tags: apple, ipad, ipad 2,...
The Cuptertino Diet

The Cuptertino Diet

MEEEEDLY MEEEEEDLY SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!!! ALL NEW REDESIGNED “AND MY AXE” SHIRTS ARE IN THE STORE! NEW HE Podcast Episode 80: Medium Seabiscuit [or is it Sexbiscuit?] OMG EMERALD CITY COMICON IS RIGHT NOW [starting Friday]!!! Come see me and Angela at booth 307. CONVENTION UPDATE: I will be at The Toronto Comics And Arts Festival May 7-8 after all, and I will also be at Connecticon July 9-11. BOOK UPDATE: The giant, frost bitten pallet of HE Book 2‘s arrived at my house on Wednesday. I’ll start shipping books when I get back from ECCC. Non-artist edition books will ship first, followed by non-artist UFE’s (still waiting on some of the goodies like stickers and buttons to arrive), followed by all artist editions. I have at least 200 books to sketch, so please be forgiving when it comes to delivery times. Ok, don’t look at me like that. Josh came up with this and I just wanted to make sure you all knew what a monster he was. Now that you know… what he is… just don’t look him directly in the eyes if you ever meet him. Because I assure you, the thing looking back will chill you to the core. It’s like staring into the soulless eyes of a shark with cataracts. Or maybe a raccoon. Either way it’s some sobering shit. The temperature in the room will drop 10 degrees, then it will rise because you just peed yourself. He’s a monster. A monster. iPad 2 Steve Jobs keynote is now live on Apple’s website and in iTunes iPad 2 vs. original iPad: what’s changed? Apple announces GarageBand for iPad COMMENTERS: So...
The Morning Paper

The Morning Paper

LAST CHANCE FOR “KEEP YOUR LAWS OFF MY OVIPOSITOR SHIRTS”!!! They are only $15! They will never be printed again, so get ’em while you can. Here! Have an unfinished comic. UPDATE: I replaced the comic with the final inked and colored version, but if you still want to see the rough version it’s in a free post in The Vault. Getting the book done (as in 100% done, no more changes done) has eaten my entire life away this week. In fact I am still not fully through with my part (as I assumed I was last night). I have the proofs in hand and there are some problems to address. Combine all of that with the SNOHSHITWEREALLGOINGTODIE situation going on in Dallas right now, and this week has been rather unproductive in terms of comics. I am going to try to fill in the missing comic gaps for this week with a few Lo-FiJINKS comics and get back on the horse (is that a real expression?) come Monday. If you would like Josh to have an expletive exclamation of some kind in panel 3, feel free to post it in the comments. If I like one, I may use it in the finished (inked/colored) version. In case it isn’t clear, his breakfast consists of Vodka, fountain Big Red w/ a slice of bacon, and pancake syrup. Apple and Newscorp are putting the final nail in the coffin of the concept of printed newspapers by releasing The Daily, an all digital newspaper for the iPad. I love this idea. I love it so much I LURV it. I...
Close Your Eyes And See The Skies Are Falling

Close Your Eyes And See The Skies Are Falling

First things first: This is your LAST WEEK to order an Ultimate Fancy Edition of Book 2 AND get your name in the book. Files go to the printer on January 15th. After that you will still be able to order a UFE but you will NOT be listed in the book on the Fancy Bastard Wall Of Fancy Fame. ORDER THAT FREAKIN’ BOOK, YO! Second things second: HijiNKS ENSUE is 5 days a week now. Read more HERE. And thirdest of all: WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH ALL THE FREAKIN’ DEAD BIRDS!? I can only assume nefarious green pigs are involved. Why are thousands of dead birds suddenly falling from the sky? Mac App Store: Angry Birds…On Your Mac | Product News | The Mac … Bird expert: Don’t worry too much about the Deadbirdpocalypse National Wildlife Health Center determines cause of blackbird death Why those massive bird deaths may not be such a big deal after all Other historical incidents of bizarre things raining from the sky Tags: angry birds, animals, gaming, ipad, iphone, mobile gaming, rovio, science, video...
Therefart iAm

Therefart iAm

The only I reason I can think of for Apple looking to Phillip Shoemaker, the creator of such apps as “Animal Farts” and the e-urine v-simulatrum “iWiz“, for a leadership position in the App Store is that Steve Jobs has realized his own mortality (being that Apple could easily bring about The Singularity but has chosen to delay the product cycle to better fit with projected Q3 2012 earnings estimates) and is dead set on driving his company into the iFarting ground on his way out. Just as Willy Wonka sent out his golden tickets to find a suitable heir to his chocolate empire, Jobs created The App Store with the soul purpose of finding the fart-obsessed piss-app monger who could make sure Apple legacy for quality and style would die with him. HOLY SHIT THIS WEEKEND IS BALTIMORE COMIC CON!!! I will be in the Artist Alley at table A164 with Fancy Bastard Alex (Mechamenchi) at my side. Baltimore was the first show I ever exhibited at and my first taste of seeing experiencing the kindness, generosity and sense of community of you, The Fancy Bastards, in person. One of the biggest highlights of the show was the FB meetup. I would really like to do another Baltimore FB meetup Saturday night August 28th around 7:30 or 8pm. Last year we did it at Hooters because they had a nice deck and could accomidate a good-sized group, but I am open to suggestions for a different meeting place. Please comment below of you think you will be able to make it (and understand that I will be heartbroken...
Looking At The Big Bang Picture

Looking At The Big Bang Picture

If you have a chance to watch Into The Universe With Stephen Hawking, and enjoy having your mind blown by space science then I strongly suggest you do… both things. The  watching the show thing and the mind thing. It is essentially an updated Carl Sagan’s Cosmos, but is still wildly enjoyable. Though Hawking’s robo-voice (which he appears to control with eye movements now that his hands no long function) introduces each segment, the voice over duties are quickly assumed by a pleasant sounding British gentleman. If you enjoy HE and and would like to show your support for the comic or The Experiment, please consider getting a book or shirt in the store or making a donation. There are two things I LOVE about specials like this (especially this very special special): A) Even when you know in the back of your mind how enormous and random and chaotic and unlikely and OLD the universe is, it’s a real kick in the cosmic pants to be reminded of just exactly how much it is each of those descriptors with stunning visual effects and real world metaphors. B) Stephen Hawking approaches physics and the universe with what can only be described as love. Listen to his words (even though they aren’t coming out of his mouth) and you can tell that he looks at the heavens and truly experiences joy. That miraculous brain of his, trapped in an uncooperative shell marvels at the wonder that is the universe like a child gazing upon Disney World for the first time. It would be so easy for him to be cynic with all the...
Behold The Abomination

Behold The Abomination

The little genetically engineered worm guy’s name is Styli. Styli the Meat Tube. Or Meatube if you prefer. Either way. He prays nightly to a god that isn’t there to snuff out his wretched, tubey, meatish existence. If you enjoy HE and and would like to show your support for the comic or The Experiment, please consider getting a book or shirt in the store or making a donation. After playing with a Pogo Sketch stylus and an iPad at the Apple Store I asked my self this very question. “How do it work?” I still don’t have any idea, but one can only assume the maddest of sciences are involved. C2E2 is next weekend [April 16-18]!!! Come see me and every other webcomic person I know all in one convenient spot. Oh such awkward stare there will be, children! A bounty of social anxiety! Check out this new “Battlestar Galactica/United Nations So Say We All” T-Shirt I made for Olmos Productions, Inc. [Edward shirts now at Topatoco!] Tags: apple, ipad,...
The Modern Family Comedy Half Hour (c) 1957

The Modern Family Comedy Half Hour (c) 1957

iPad the star of Modern Family iPad Product Placement On Modern Family, Actually Wasn’t, Still Irked Fans 30-minute iPad ad on ABC’s ‘Modern Family’ ‘Modern Family’ Co-Creator Explains Genesis of iPad Story I am posting a 4th panel to this comic in The Vault (HERE!) for those that have donated this month or are subscribers to The Vault. Learn more HERE. 2 NEW PRINTS IN THE STORE!!! [Edward shirts now at Topatoco!] More iPad Links: iPad roundup: Letterman licking, Colbert chopping, MobileMe and Remote support iPad launch day: what you need to know How Apple’s iPad Will Save Comics and Crush Dreams Tags: advertising, apple, ipad, modern family, tech,...
There’s The Flashing Magic Screen

There’s The Flashing Magic Screen

I’ll be at Dallas Comic Con this weekend [Saturday and Sunday]. Come say hi! At least for now, if you click HERE you will see a video regarding the Apple iPad that begins with a quote of outstanding douchery [captured nearly verbatim in panel 1 above]. Apple loyalist though I may be, I admit they are not above criticism. And to suggest that “we don’t know how computers work so they must be magical” fails to impress me on two accounts. A) I know how computers work… EVERYONE except my mom knows how computers work, and 2) even people that don’t know exactly how computers work don’t think they are magical like phoenix tears. I do not see a demonstration of “pinch to zoom” multitouch and immediately avert my eyes from the iPad as not to offend it’s heavenly gaze. I do not slaughter a goat as to make a sacrificial offering to the iPad that it may smile upon my crops in the coming season or bless my family with many strong sons and beautiful daughters (for selling to rich village land owners). Nor to a steal off into the night and paint myself with the goats blood, dance around a bonfire and chew the hallucinogenic leaves of an indigenous shrub in order to work myself up into a trance-like frenzy in hopes of better knowing the will of the iPad. Those are the actions of someone who looks at the unknown and interprets it as magic. C’Mon Apple. That was just dumb. Tags: apple, fantasy, ipad, mac, tech,...
Numfar! Do The Dance of Joy

Numfar! Do The Dance of Joy

I’ll be at Dallas Comic Con this weekend. Come say hi! Oh, Steve. You had me at “we are not currently developing a tablet.” Seems like the new Apple iPad would be fun to travel with. Can’t see much use for it around the house when it really isn’t much smaller than my laptop, but I haven’t laid hands on it yet (which is typically when an Apple product grabs hold of your soul and doesn’t let go). I imagine the UI is crazy fun to play with and developers are going to have a blast coming up with new ways to utilize it. The entry level price point of $499 is also quite tasty, considering the first iPod cost that much. I can’t wait to see how they adapt this thing for kids and the classroom. My 2 yr old already loves iPhone games, and computers. She is more confused by mice and keyboards because she expects every device to be multitouch. The area I’m MOST interested in is seeing if they open up the iBookstore or whatever to independent publishers. I’d love to put the HE Books in ePud format and sell them through Apple’s distribution-hole. What did you think? Fun toy or tech-revolution on par with the iPod? Read Engadget’s live blog of the whole “Latest Creation” Apple event Anil Dash on geek attention on the iPad vs. tonight’s State of the Union Tags: apple, ipad, mac,...