Stille Nacht, Heilige Nacht, Krampusnacht

Stille Nacht, Heilige Nacht, Krampusnacht

UPDATE: ONLY 2 WEEKS LEFT!!! For the month of January 2015, both of my books are only $5 each. Buy 2 of them and I’ll give you a free mystery mini print. After January they are GONE FOREVER.  I am selling them at or below cost so they can go to Fancy Bastards that will appreciate them, rather than a bonfire. Grab them HERE.  Sing along if you know the words: “He’s making a list, He’s sharpening sticks. The list is irrelevant, You all go in the sack. Krampus comes to take you, that’s alllllll. Yes, Kraaaampus coooomes to taaaaake youuuuuuu NO NO AHHHHHGHGHG! NO KRAMPUS NOOOOOOO!” HEY HEY HEY, did I mention that I have a Patreon? I do, and because my Fancy Patrons blew past the $1500 Milestone Goal, I was able to redesign the website and clean things up. The comics are about 15-20% larger as well. So far I’ve uploaded embiggened versions of all the comics from 2014. I’ll keep embiggening until all are cromulently embiggened. The downside, is some of the things I had to fit in to the new design completely break the site on mobile browsers. I’ll be working on fixing that over the next couple of weeks. I’ll also be adding in some of the things that are currently missing, like the mobile alt-text button. Tags: christmas, growing up, holiday, holidays, krampus, santa claus,...
The Ghost Of Christmas Presents

The Ghost Of Christmas Presents

For the month of January 2015, both of my books are only $5 each. Buy 2 of them and I’ll give you a free mystery mini print. After January they are GONE FOREVER.  I am selling them at or below cost so they can go to Fancy Bastards that will appreciate them, rather than a bonfire. Grab them HERE.  HEY HEY HEY, did I mention that I have a Patreon? SCHEDULE NOTICE: I am taking 2nd week of January (01/04 to 01/10) off to recover and regroup from the Holidays. Comics will resume on Monday, January 12, 2015. A lot of being a parent is dealing with times when you bust your ass to make it seem like something magical just happened all by itself. A birthday party that you stayed up all night cooking and making decorations for, a vacation you  had to scrimp and save for, a present you bought when your kid wasn’t looking and hid for 6 months while they lamented “I’m NEVER gonna get it!” Parenthood is rife with opportunities to feel unappreciated. But that’s sort of the point. As a parent, one of your jobs is to shield your young child from all the bullshit you have to deal with as an adult just to get through a day, a week, a month or a year in the world. You want them to perceive ease and a care free attitude for as long as possible, because once it’s impossible it is impossible FOREVER. You never get that back. I didn’t appreciate it enough when I was a kid. I was so focused on growing...
The Kids With The Haul

The Kids With The Haul

For the month of January 2015, both of my books are only $5 each. Buy 2 of them and I’ll give you a free mystery mini print. After January they are GONE FOREVER.  I am selling them at or below cost so they can go to Fancy Bastards that will appreciate them, rather than a bonfire. Grab them HERE.  HEY HEY HEY, did I mention that I have a Patreon? My daughter used to act like she felt sorry for us when my wife and I only had a present or two to open on Christmas day, compared to her dozen or so. I’d try to explain how our situations were different. A) We already pretty much have everything an adult of modest means can have. When we do WANT things, we save up for them over the course of a year or so, change our minds 100 times about buying them, and then eventually, probably buy it and IMMEDIATELY feel bad about spending money on non-essentials. THAT is grown up Christmas. B) Other people besides us buy presents for her. She’s young and cute and gives off a certain quality that suggests to relatives, “I am young and cute, buy me some stuff I don’t need.” Some years, my wife and I will say, “No presents for us! We’re going to buy each other NEW SHEETS!” Then Kiddo gets sad because we are old and close to death and super happy about getting new sheets, which is the worst thing she can think of.” Other times my wife and I will get each other a modest present that is...
To Your Mother

To Your Mother

For the month of January 2015, both of my books are only $5 each. Buy 2 of them and I’ll give you a free mystery mini print. After January they are GONE FOREVER.  I am selling them at or below cost so they can go to Fancy Bastards that will appreciate them, rather than a bonfire. Grab them HERE.  … It’s holidays times, so I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that I have a Patreon and  an Amazon Wishlist for any of you who are interested in such things. Tags: christmas, education, hip hop, holiday, holidays, music, rap music, school, texas,...
Sucker M.C.’s

Sucker M.C.’s

For the month of January 2015, both of my books are only $5 each. Buy 2 of them and I’ll give you a free mystery mini print. After January they are GONE FOREVER.  I am selling them at or below cost so they can go to Fancy Bastards that will appreciate them, rather than a bonfire. Grab them HERE.  I would say nearly 100% of my daughter’s holiday musical program was this psuedo-hip hop referenced in the panels above. I know you know exactly what I mean without actually having to hear it. For a good decade (between the late 80’s and late 90’s) it was everywhere. In Fruity Pebbles commercials, and Simpsons episodes, in a parody song about Ronald Regan, and an ad for Chiquita Bananas. This style of “rap” was so common in advertisements that I feel like an entire generation (my generation) grew up thinking that a ton of actual rap songs started with “My name is _____ and I’m here to say, I like to ______ in a _______ way!” As far as my Google-fu can suss out, there aren’t any actual songs from that time period that featured this lyrics scheme. Rap songs from this time DID, however, heavily feature the artist saying who they were and what they liked to do, but it was (at least almost) never in that exact pattern and rarely quite that corny. I mean, that’s some weak ass rhymes right there. But it was so ubiquitous that when adults and kids alike would “make up a rap song,” it would almost always start with that phrase. I left Kiddo’s program just...
Who, Pray Tell, Wouldst One Call Upon?

Who, Pray Tell, Wouldst One Call Upon?

HEY YOU FANCY BASTARDS LOOK AT THIS OMG! My online store at Explosm is closing forever at the end of this week. Everything is on sale, so go get it while there is good getting to be got. I’ve reshuffled my Patreon rewards so that the Potter and Daughter Podcast is unlocked at $1750 instead of $2000. We’ve already recorded 4 or 5 episodes and I’m anxious to get it out in the world. When my Patreon reaches $2000/month  $1750/month I’m going to release a new podcast where upon I interview my 7 years old daughter as she reads through the Harry Potter series. It’s called Potter And Daughter! More details HERE. Of course we all know the proper title of the theme song to the popular film The Ghostbusting Gentlemen is “Who, Pray Tell, Wouldst One Call Upon? (Were One So Inclined).” Apologies for the use of brevity, despite it’s status as the soul of wit. This comic closely reflects an actual conversation I had with a turtle-clad neighborhood ninja-child while trick and/or treating (heavy emphasis on the treat part). I explained what they do with the ghosts, to which he replied, “That doesn’t make any sense.” Of course it does. A spectral containment system utilizing a grid of intersecting, high power lasers makes perfect sense. So does a pan-dimensional gateway through which specters, apparitions, vapors and various phantasms are deposited and incarcerated. Ectoplasm doesn’t have mass, therefore the size of the rip in spacetime required to access the adjacent dimension could be infinitesimally small, thus requiring far less power than generating a gateway large enough to pass, say,...
Reasonable Restriction

Reasonable Restriction

Last year for Halloween, Kiddo was Raven from Teen Titans. We made a photo comic about it. This year she was Hermione Granger and it was crazy cute. Speaking of Harry Potter, I’ve reshuffled my Patreon rewards so that the Potter and Daughter Podcast is unlocked at $1750 instead of $2000. We’ve already recorded 4 or 5 episodes and I’m anxious to get it out in the world.   When my Patreon reaches $2000/month  $1750/month I’m going to release a new podcast where upon I interview my 7 years old daughter as she reads through the Harry Potter series. It’s called Potter And Daughter! More details HERE. I’ve also made some other changes to my Patreon rewards to make them a little more realistic and fair to those of you who are pledging. To date, I have failed miserably at making more than 3 comics a week. Even though we passed the 4 comics a week goal months ago, I’ve never managed to do it with any reliability. Just thinking about this stresses me out to the point that I can barely get 3 comics made. So I’ve moved that goal further down the line and replaced it with the “Redesign the website with bigger comics and better features” goal, which means the website redesign is automatically unlocked. I’m really looking forward to this one, because the comics will be bigger, the layout with nicer, the comic navigation will be easier, and the different types of comics will be much simpler to find. I’m also going to reintegrate the old HE podcast into this website, and make a space for...

Happy Fancy Halloween!

Instead of making a Halloween themed comic this year (which I can’t since I’m in the middle of a decidedly non spooktacular storyline), my family and I have made you a Halloween Fancy Photo Comic of sorts. It’s called “Raven Cleans Up The Park” and you can see it over on my Tumblr.   Comments (6) Dashboard | Edit profile | Logout Logged in as hijinksensue Admin Options @kellyskritters · 85 weeks ago Hey those suit shops at the mall scare the hell out of me! Thanks for assembling this montage though, very entertaining! Block IPDelete Reply Nacho · 84 weeks ago This is made of Win! Great job Dad! I bet she was stoked to see the finished product and had a blast with you in the park. Block IPDelete Reply Chuck · 84 weeks ago So adorable. Block IPDelete Reply HikingViking · 84 weeks ago Okay, that live-action comic that you made is amazingly cool! What a fantastic thing to do with your daughter. Also, you’ve now made me miss City of Heroes even more Block IPDelete Reply Dan · 84 weeks ago Utterly adorable. Block IPDelete Reply Jay · 84 weeks ago This is the most adorable thing I have seen of 2013 you are an awesome dad with an awesome kid I hope she grows up to be like you. Block IPDelete Reply Tags: halloween, holiday, holidays, raven, teen titans, teen titans go, tiny...
Purgatory Phil

Purgatory Phil

[STORE UPDATE 02/04/13] Thanks to the diligence of the Blind Ferret team, the HijiNKS Ensue Store is un-hacked, re-upped and back-backed! I’ve lost over a 1/4 of my merch revenue for the month (and Jan/Feb are already slow months) so let’s all go celebrate by BUYING SOMETHING!!! My temporary PRINT SHOP with my BRAND NEW “TESLA UNCOILED” print and many of my most popular large prints is still up and running and probably will be until I return from JoCo Cruise Crazy 3. Get on that mess while you can! Think about Groundhog Day from Rita Prime’s (the Rita that continues to exist in Phil’s timeline at the end of the movie) perspective. She has this creep asshole that she works with. She knows he’s a selfish dickwad, he ignores her all day, shows how he has this secret life in this weird little town where everyone knows and loves him, then they go on ONE DATE and he says he’s happy because he loves her. They spend maybe 4 hours together total, he carves her face in ice from memory THEN TELLS HER HE LOVES HER. If these flags were any redder they would insist the means of production were controlled by the workers. Now consider this: Phil has had somewhere between 5 and 500 years to perfect this one day. It’s  all he knows. He’s trained his mind and body to execute these particular moves, say these particular phrases, dance this completely choreographed 24 hours period all to trick this woman into liking his invented self and posses her fully based on his immortal Sysyphean fixation on her. What’s he going to do...
The Hand That Feeds

The Hand That Feeds

NEW Doctor Who/Dr. Seuss Shirt at Sharksplode! DO YOU WANT A PRINT INSTEAD?  Did you know the horrifyingly deformed Hand Turkey is the official mascot of Thanksgravy? Each year on this day, little children leave a ladle full of gravy under their pillows and while they slumber, bellies plump with yams and holiday spite, the Hand Turkey will come to visit them. If he deems them good and virtuous and sufficiently crammed with pie and/or hungover, he will leave a gift under their pillow. And sometimes on the floor next to their bed. And often right on their miserable little cranberry sauce stained faces. He’s a generous bird. A loathsome, self-hating bird, but a generous one none the less. How about you make your own Thanksgravy Hand Turkey and post a link to your masterpiece in the comments. If you post them to Twitter, use the hashtag #thanksgravy. COMMENTERS: Please add to the myths and traditions of Thanksgravy and the Hand Turkey.  Day 4 of Blind Ferret Shirtsmas! My Unicorn Poop shirt is only $7.95 TODAY ONLY!!! Tags: food, hand turkey, holiday, holidays, thanksgiving,...
Punkin Chunkin

Punkin Chunkin

Poor little guy. He must be collicky. Newborns can be such a handful. Especially when they refuse to prove they were born in this country. Just produce the ancient South American stone tablets that foretell your coming and we’ll consider the issue closed. Otherwise I’m calling immigration and you can cluck and hiss your story to them. I feel like I should point out that my intention was not to imply that Juan Q. ate a bunch of people and then threw them up all over Joel. It’s more like his beak is a portal to a dimension that consists of nothing but blood and bones and through a gastrointestinal mishap he managed to lower the veil between worlds for a second. Come December 22nd, we’re probably all going to wish we lived in that bone blood dimension. I don’t expect Juan Q. is going to show us much in the mercy depart. Cute little bugger that he is. Eli seems to be embracing the Mayan 2012 Apocalypse now that he has a dog in the race. Either that or he’s starting to swell with pride for his brownish heritage. Either way I think Juan Quetzalcoatl Zach will be sticking around, even if that particular name does now. I almost went with Roland. I hope you enjoyed this storyline (perhaps more than the last one). Now let me gather my thoughts on this whole Disney/Lucasfilm thing so I can make a comic about it. I bet it ends the same way as this one did. Just buckets and buckets of thrown up blood and bones. Check out this Interview I did...
The Blessed Arrival

The Blessed Arrival

La resurrección del lagarto pollo! Finally, a new comic. My actual human life has been getting in the way of my comic-productivity for the last week. I have solved this problem by cutting off all contact with the outside world for at least the next two months. If you need me, I’ll be chained to my computer with a stylus driven through each of my hands like so much webcomicy stigmata. AUSTIN, TX FANCY BASTARDS: Come to THIS in December or WE’RE THROUGH! THINGS OF TUMBLD INTEREST:  I have put up two new donation desktops, one featuring a can of sad breakfast. My wife is a photo fixing, editing, manipulating genius and would happily lend you her digital dogoodery in exchange for money. Lil’ Wil has a Tumblr and some new duds. COMMENTERS: So it seems Eli is now the steward of the great bird-headed serpent god of Mesoamerica that will (or has) return to Earth and usher in the world ending 2012 situation. Fun times. Which horrific beast of world (or at least city) destruction would you most like as a pet? Which would you rather actually destroy us all? My vote for both scenarios goes to whatever sort of Norse frost giant is going to really fuck shit up come Ragnarok.   Tags: cosplay, costumes, grig, halloween, holiday, holidays, Juan Q. Zach, mexican, mexico, movies, quetzalcoatl, scifi, Storyline: The Island Of Doctor Moron, the last...
Guest Comic By Lar deSouza

Guest Comic By Lar deSouza

Guys! It’s my birthday! I am 31 years old which is 217 in dog years, or 10 years old in Vulcan years, or roughly 31 years old in Vulcan years assuming they age at the same rate as humans until they reach middle age which is a theory I have never seen any evidence to contradict. How old would I be on Jupiter? 31! And dead! There’s no air, you weirdos! I have been inundated with happy birthday wishes on Twitter, Facebook and the new Fancy Bastard Facebook Group. Thank you all for the kindness and support. If you were so inclined as to offer more than well wishes, I am certainly not one to take away that right from you. Here’s my Amazon Wishlist,  donations page and the HE Store (in case you would much rather buy something for yourself on MY birthday. Go ahead. Be selfish. You have my blessing). I’ll be wrapping up the current leg of the E.F.E. storyline this week, then moving on to some one off gag comics for a bit. I’m also working with my friend Phil to get the site ready to allow me to post a LoFi comic on the same day as a regular HE comic, which means I can post extra stuff whenever I want as opposed to only on Friday on the weekends. We’ll see how that goes. My most excellent friend Lar was kind enough to doodle me a… doodle for my birthday. I lept at the opporutnity to chop it up and turn it into a comic. My birthday present to myself  (with Lar’s help) is a lazy-ass Sunday. I didn’t even CONSIDER getting...
The Reason For The Season

The Reason For The Season

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic] Put the Krampus back in Krampusnacht! I demand my crazy holiday beliefs receive equal commercial exposure! Keep your horn of plenty, because Krampus has horns o’plenty! Wait, I think that last one was more about Thanksgiving! STRIKE THAT ONE, but pay the necessary attention to the first two! OPINIONS! It’s a sign of the degeneration of our culture that more people aren’t aware of Krampus. Much less aren’t strangled by fear of him year ’round. There are shocking similarities between Santa Claus and the exalted cloven hoofed one. They both have sacks that deal with children, they both have more hair than the average person, they both have 18″ red tongues, though santa’s is generally hidden by his beard, and they both live in remote lairs that the average child would not be able to find their way home from, were they dragged there in a sack. You have a few days left. Please start saying “Beware Krampus” to any and all people you encounter, regardless of the situation. And do report back with your findings. COMMENTERS: Have you encountered any “you should really be greeting me in the holiday salutation of MY preference instead of YOURS” type of situations? Any that stick out as particularly ridiculous? Alternately, please insert Krampus into the Christmas movie of your choice. Perhaps Tim Allen could have starred in The Krampus Clause? Or children might dread their annual viewing of How the Grinch Supported Krampusnacht. Spoilers: he was in favor of the beatings. Don’t do anything with that one where Michael Keaton was reincarnated as a...
Comfortably Numb

Comfortably Numb

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic] Me, Randy Milholland, David Willis, Danielle Corsetto, Jeph Jaques, Rob Denbleyker and MORE will be at the Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage panel/signing event on December 10th and 11th. It is always a good time. Austin Fancy Bastard should NOT miss it. Saturday 8-11 pm Sunday 12-5 pm **Q&A panels by reservation only!** Sat: 6-8 pm Sun: 10-12 before signings 8-11 pm after signings There is a whole class of “gift” one may receive around the holidays that says, “Hey. I don’t really know you that well, nor do I care to. Here’s some bullshit I paid money for.” The Snuggie (the blanket with arm holes) and the Forever Lazy (the blanket you wear like a shame-suit while you go tailgating or play Wii) have the distinction of falling not only into this category, but all into the “Thing that solves a problem that isn’t really a problem at all and actually makes trying to solve that fake problem more difficult that using the thing you already have or just ignoring it outright” category. These types of items flood the stores around December as if to say, “SHOPPING IT TOO HARD! BUY LIKE 40 OF THESE AND YOU’LL BE DONE AND YOU CAN GO HOME AND HATE YOURSELF!” They also play into the worst part of Christmas and other gift-giving holidays: the idea that buying something, ANYTHING, for someone is a requirement. Nay, an obligation. I have successfully managed to strategically distance myself from most of my family in such a way that I A) Do not receive any bullshit X-mas trinkets,...
Once You Get To Know Him…

Once You Get To Know Him…

Fighting Time Lords hoodies are at Sharksplode right now! Wibbly Wobbly Hoodie Warmy!  I guess Frank Miller views the Internet as one big, rickety porch he can sit on, balling his fists and shaking a rake at “those damn kids” while incomprehensibly ranting heavenward about “rapists” and “whores,” and “Islamicism,” and “lawns,” “getting off of said lawns” and “all the XBox’ing.” It’s a shame when you have to reevaluate your respect for art when you find out the artist is a bit of a deranged, racist prick. I suppose Frank Miller’s more d-bagged tendencies are well know throughout those that follow comics proper. I was well aware of his “influential comics dude” status, but more so with his name being attached to movies that I rather enjoyed. Maybe each of his adapted works should include an asterisk after his name. Frank Miller’s* Sin City *That guy is a cantankerous fuck Frank Miller: Occupy Wall Street ‘Louts, Thieves & Rapists,’ Comic Writer Says COMMENTERS: Feel free to post your general thoughts on Frank Miller’s OWS rant. Is it harder to enjoy art when you learn the creator is a rapist, thieving lout… I mean, an asshole? Tags: batman, black friday, frank miller, holidays, occupy wallstreet, ows, politics, thanksgiving, the dark knight...
Thanksgravy: Full Sequence

Thanksgravy: Full Sequence

“Doctor” shirts are back in stock! “Winter” shirts are back in stock! “George” Shirts are back in stock! And now we have all three of those designs in LADIES, LADIES, LADIES sizes!  “I will suspend the GraVaVavy sphere in a quantum neutrino field until it can be safely entombed in a sheep’s stomach then placed in my chest in place of my human heart. I will have the power of 100 pilgrims and the wisdom of 1000 turkeys! I will be… THE OMEGARAVY MAN!”  Thanksgravy comes but once a year, but if we hold the true Thanksgravy spirit in our hearts and our giblet encrusted arteries, we can keep its blessings with us all year ’round. I spent Second Thanksgravy (it’s like Elevensies, but later at night and with more booze) this year with Josh IRL, his husband Jeff and some of their family and friends. It was a wonderful evening. Jeff made Josh a pecan pie using the authentic Luby’s Cafeteria recipe. Luby’s: Where the aged and infirm come to gum their final meal!  Have you ever seen a Cherpumple? GIS that nonsense. It’s like leafing through autopsy photos. You want to look away, but you can’t. Also you get really hungry and ashamed at the same time. One does not simply Cherpumple into Mordor. COMMENTERS: Share your Thanksgravy stories. Ever had a non-traditional Thanksgravy? Weird food? Weird location? Weird family? How would you perfect the Cherpumple? What else needs to be crammed in a cake with all those pies? Tags: cherpumple, holidays,...