Taking A Stab In The Dark

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Alternate Horribly Long Horrible Title: Highlander IIb: The Treat Or Trickening: There Can Be Only One Funsize Kit-Kat Per Costumed Child

Over the course of the Halloween week (All Hallows Week or Halloweek), I watched John Carptenter’s original Halloween at least thrice (if not fource). I realized I had never seen the first one all the way through, and decided to correct that error several times over in a very short time span apparently. Whatever channel I was watching skipped Halloween 2 and went straight for Halloween 3: Season Of The Witch. After seeing that this movie A) Did not feature Michael Myers, B) DID feature evil rubber masks that murder children with Celtic magic, and C) Shared most of its name with a Nic Cage film from the tail end of his “I owe millions in back taxes tour,” I decided to do a little research.

Dozens of minutes of Wiki’ing later and I learned that the Halloween franchise suffered greatly from its initial success (to this day Halloween is possibly the highest grossing independent film of all time), and never quite replicated the original’s universally positive reception or cultural impact. Also there was that killer rubber mask thing. Jamie Lee Curtis’s character was killed off, then brought back, but no one bothered to tie up all the loose ends surrounding her resurrection so Halloween’s 3-6 are now regarded as “mostly out of canon.” During those “lost years” Michael is given a backstory that involves an ancient Celtic cult and a blood sacrifice which is what leads Michael to turn evil, invincible and homicidal, yet never able to accelerate past a modest amble.

When I was nine years old, we watched Halloween 4 at a friend’s slumber party. It was my first foray into the series and I was incredibly confused as to why the killer shared a name with the star of Wayne’s World. Considering The Love Guru, I’m not sure which Michael Myers was the greater threat. I’d like to see Mike Myers as Michael Myers in Halloween IX: Some Folks Call It  A Shwing Blade.

COMMENTERS: Was it a mistake to actually try and make sense of a horror franchise’s plot continuity? Should I just enjoy the splatter, boobs and splattered boobs? Which long running horror franchise took the weirdest turn plot-wise? What were your favorite horror/slasher films as a kid, and do they hold up to scrutiny now?

American Idol II: The Quickening

I wanted some resolution to Josh’s stint on American Idol, and it was either this or the Thunderdome. Two singer’s enter, one singer leaves. In that scenario I think Josh would be riding on the back of a behelmeted retard. I’ve always pictured him “Master” than “Blaster.”

Speaking of Highlander (I think I mentioned this on a podcast), the first movie was pretty much excellent. The 2nd movie retconned this whole thing about the Highlanders being aliens in a galactic civil war or some such shittery. So for the 3rd one they pretended that original sequel never happened and picked back up where the first one left off. It gives me tired-head to think about it.

Wasn’t there another franchise that ignored one of the sequels? Superman Returns sort of did that, acting as a follow up to Superman 2 and all.

So what sequels did you think were “one sequel too many.” Which movies ruined a franchise for you? What’s your X-men 3, or Star Wars Episdodes 1-3? Did the franchise recover, reboot or fade away? Robin! To the Bat-comments!

Wait it out. We can make it through this together. Wrap up in a blanket, stay dry and burn your clothes for warmth.We ARE going to make it out alive!