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Dark Tutelage

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I have never seen The Evil Dead, Evild Dead 2 or Army Of Darkness. Yes, I understand that this represents a significant gap in both my geek education and credibility. I really do think this sort of thing is the direct result of not having an older sibling, cousin, neighbor, whatever that would have introduced me to and apprenticed me in the Devil’s music, periodicals and moving pictures. Oh well. As they say, “Darkness is as darkness does,” and I’m indulging in and spreading all manner of unholy propaganda these days, so I guess I’ve made up for lost time.

Sex, drugs, Rock and Roll, Hail Satan.

COMMENTERS: Are there any major gaps or omissions in your geek pedigree? Did having/not having an older sibling effect the media you were exposed to?

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Of Feather And Fang

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EXCELLENT NEWS! Lil’ Wil Wheaton Plushies are SHIPPING NOW!

Wil Wheaton Plushie Box - HijiNKS ENSUE

You can order yours HERE and get them in time for the holidays.

At the first sign of danger, Eli immediately resorts to the tried and true stratagems outlined in the films of Bruce Campbell.

If you are a UK type who is planning on going to MCM London, please seek out the Blind Ferret Booth. I am nearly positive they will have my shirts for sale.

COMMENTERS: Please offer your own “sage advice” or “wise affirmisms” using lessons you’ve learned from Bruce Campbell movies. If that’s too specific, I will expand the criteria to cover the entire B-Horror genre. I’m looking for real world applications here. The kind of stuff you’d tell your kid as they left for college. “If your English Lit. book has an evil face, see if they have a version you download to your iPad.”

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Project Cloverfield: Top Secret Bath Gel?

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J.J. Abrams has been quite geek-prolific these last few years. I can almost forgive him for Felicity. I remember when I told Josh “Cloverfield” might be a Cthulhu movie. He shit out his soul right then and there. He has a plush version of the “Great Old One” on his desk.

Zachary Quinto being cast as Spock is an interesting and appropriate choice. Just look at the logic in those eyebrows!

In what may be his worst lapse in judgement (or anyone else’s for that matter), internets have it that J.J. wants to put Tom “Fear me for I am Galactic Space Lord Xenu!” Cruise in the new Trek as Captain Christopher Pike. People keep trying to find new and exhilarating ways to make me hate Star Trek. I hope they hobble that alien worshiping shit bag with a tire iron and stuff him in that beeping iron lung/washing machine from The Cage.

For what it’s worth, I think Wesley would turn out to be a Sith. He’s got daddy issues. If any Hollywood-types are interested, I am willing to sell the rights to “Geek-Splosion” and the geek-quel, “Geek-splosion II: Xena and the Highlander Race Light Cycles with Tron and the Goonies, and at least one of the Corey’s…..Seaquest, War Games, Last Starfighter.” Let me rifle through a box of old VHS in the garage and we can work out a deal for episodes 3 through 6 too.

Bastian, say my name! Yeahhh. Say it, bitch. Momma like. Who’s your empress?”