Five Rings To Bring Them All


The preorder is going on now!  

Grammar Dalek Shirt, Fighting Time Lords Shirt, Hijinks ENSUE

There’s more new shirt news HERE including a NEW FIGHTING TIME LORDS SHIRTA good preorder means I will get to take these new shirts to cons!

[Actually published on 8/1/12 as that I was unable to finish this comic while in LA for Wil Wheaton’s super secret surprise 40th Birthday Party. Most of the inking was done on his living room couch on my iPad. A young guy by the name of Ed Brubaker inked part of this comic. He’s a sweet kid. I think he’ll go far in this business if someone just gives him a chance.]

I watched the opening ceremony of the 2012 London Olympic Games and live-Tweeted it. The resulting tweets are as follows: 

  • Opening ceremonies: “Hey, it’s us, London. We’re quaint. Remember?”
  • “You boy! What day is it?” “Why it’s Olympics day, Kenneth Branagh!”
  • Based on their opening ceremonies, China should probably just go ahead and invade Britain. It would be over in like 20 minutes.
  • This drum witch and her army of chimney sweeps are putting a spell on the Olympics!
  • Dickensian crumpers!
  • The parade of mutton chops!
  • This is the most expensive Coldplay video to date.
  • Replace all this beauty and nature with smoke! Throw the goats in the machinery that their blood may lubricate the cogs of industry!
  • (snark aside, this show is getting cooler and cooler by the moment. Resuming snark in 3, 2…)
  • Sauron only had two towers. Churchill is a madman! [the inspiration for this comic]
  • Bully! Bully for us! Harrumph harrumph harrumph! Top hats and all that what.
  • After Bond talks to the Queen he’s going to escort the Minister for Magic to his private box.
  • The Churchill golem has been awakened by Bond!
  • The Queen doesn’t have a parachute. Her Union Jack knickers are just THAT big.
  • The Children’s Wallpaper Pattern Pajama Choir sings the national anthem.
  • At this time Britain would like to remind America that none of them will ever go bankrupt from medical bills so there. Nyahhh!
  • See kids? You were right! When you go to bed your parents just stay up all night swing dancing!
  • Ahh but it’s two sick children per bed. NHS isn’t so great after all, eh?
  • Britain would like to welcome our most lifelike robot billionaire, JK Rowling!
  • Ohh good. Nightmare fuel.
  • Terrify the chillldrennnnn. Tuppence a bag…
  • When The Doctor finally realizes Marry Poppins survived the Time War, he’ll never be lonely again.
  • That giant baby at the end was Voldemort’s soul from the end of Book 7, right?
  • I apologize for my ignorance, Brits. How does Mr. Bean fit into the royal hierarchy? Is he better than a duke?
  • Wake me up when they get to Kylie Minogue and Dubstep.
  • An army of Ziggys Stardust!
  • When the Glam Clone wars begin you will have to choose a side. Are you with the Freddys or the Ziggys?
  • You will show your allegiance with your choice of unitard.
  • Tell me I’m not the only one that saw the Queen bob her head during The Prodigy.
  • I love at the end of the video for Smack My Bitch Up when the protagonist looks in the mirror and you realize it’s Sarah Ferguson.
  • The Olympic torch is actually fueled by residual handsomeness energy radiating from David Beckam’s carefully manicured stubble.
  • Thank god we’ve taken a break from all this pomp and majesty so Ryan Seacrest can be a smug, boring shit pile on TV some more.
  • Wait there are athletes at this thing?
  • Can’t wait for team Iceland to show up in their traditional swan costumes.
  • Team Armenia is lead by their ambassador Serj Tankian and the rest of System Of A Down.
  • The Chinese flag bearer is actually five smaller Chinese athletes who have been bound together in a human Voltron since birth.
  • The team from the Congo is seen here riding the killer mutant gorillas that guard all their country’s giant diamonds.
  • The North Korean team apologizes that Dear Leader is absent from the ceremonies as he is busy recharging the Sun with his smile
  • Read about Dear Leader’s adventures in All-Star Kim Jong Il by Grant Morrison, the only comic to ever sell more copies than there are people
  • Here are the competitors from Cydonia. Fun fact: They must fight for their rights. They must fight to survive.
  • Alright I’m done. There’s 2 hours left and my family says they miss me. If you are still following me then YOU are the gold medal whatever.
  • Here to close the ceremonies is Paul McCartney, the last surviving Beatle. Hey what about Ring… Yes, THE LAST surviving Beatle.

COMMENTERS: Are you an Olympics enthusiast? Do you even watch them? Any reaction to the opening ceremonies? Any particular Olympic memories that affected you personally? How about the NBC coverage? ALTERNATELY: Please feel free to continue the Olympics/LoTR meme.