Feliz Año Nuevo!

Buy my book. Buy my book. BUY MY BOOK!


Theoretically, when someone opens an eventual 4th HijiNKS ENSUE Book THIS will be the first comic they see. Seems like the perfect way to scare off the normals. 

I spent New Years Eve (eve) with Eli, Josh and a slew of other friends at Eli and Denise’s home. There was food and beer and snacks and beer and eatables and beer. Also beer. Eli rigged up a ghetto movie theatre on the back porch and we suffered the freezing night (which is Texas is something like 60 degrees) to watch shitty movies projected 12 feet high on his wall. There was talk of subjecting us all, once again, to RikiOh: The Story of Ricky, but the vault Josh keeps that particular bit of punishment in can only be opened by turning three keys simultaneously and I wasn’t about to relinquish mine.

Instead, Eli subjected us to Chillerama, a collection of 3.5 short films… “filmed things” based around the last hurrah of a drive-in theatre on its final night before closing up shop for good. All you really need to know about Chillerama are the titles of the vignettes. The show started with Wadzilla, a 1950’s monster movie send up about a man who, after taking an experimental drug, ejaculates a single giant sperm which continues to grow and devastate the city. More? Really? You want more? Ok, how about I Was A Teenage WereBear? A 60’s beach party movie spoof about a sexually confused teen who get’s bitten on the ass by a WereBear (a skinny gay teen who transforms into a burly, bearded, be-fanged leather daddy). Considering there were no less than 4 bears in attendance that night, this segment was certainly proof that there IS a god and he is super gay. The third installment was called The Diary Of Anne Frankenstein. They really should have stopped with the title. There’s no further explanation needed. That’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard and nothing the filmmakers could have put after that title could have possibly lived up to it. There’s no point in me even explaining it. Your imagination will do a better job than I could. There’s sort of a 4th short film, but I don’t want to spoil the surprise. The shorts are wrapped up in an A-story about a drive in worker who, through acts of necro-feelin’ ya, begins to accidentally spread a “super horny zombie” virus to all of the drive-in patrons.

If none of this has scared you off, I actually can recommend Chillerama for your next drunken shitty movie night. It almost crosses the line between “we tried but this came out shitty,” and “HEY! Look out shitty this is on purpose!” a few times, but manages to reel it in with genuine cheese and above average special effects for a low budget D-movie. It’s hard to talk about production quality with films like this, but it really does help you to stomach the bad jokes, worse acting and ridiculous plots when you can actually HEAR and SEE everything the creators intend you to. Most movies of this caliber suffer greatly from technical shortcomings. By contrast, Chillerama is extremely watchable for something that is nearly unwatchable. I believe it’s on Netflix instant now and should make for an interesting evening with inebriated friends.

COMMENTERS: Josh actually made be watch Riki-Oh during one of the first times we ever hung out. It was an event that would set the tone of our friendship for the next decade or so. Has anyone ever made such an impact on you by forcing you to sit through an unbelievably terrible movie? Did you uncle show you the Star Wars Christmas Special in your basement? It’s OK to share. You are among friends.

Do you have any geeky new years resolutions? Any shows you are determined to finally plow through?