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Hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home

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Forget Fisher Stevens! They should get Scott Bakula on LOST. He needs to way to repent for his crimes. Actually, they don’t need any Quantum Leap actors since Desmond is basically a Scottish Dr. Sam Beckett. Think about it. When the hatch blew, that was him “stepping into the Quantum Leap Accelerator.” For a while there with Charlie he was striving to “put right what once went wrong.” Instead of “Oh, boy” he says “(oh) brother.” Al is Sam’s “constant” just as Penny is Desmond’s. Ok, wait. I started typing this as a joke. Now I just think they ripped off Quantum Leap.

Also they had a helicopter… that’s just like “Airwolf!” Those bastards. And Walt is “Small Wonder!” It’s all 80’s TV!

  • Locke = Mr. Belvedere
  • Ecko= Mr. T as B.A. Baracus from “The A Team”
  • Jack = some guy from St. “Elsewhere” or possibly Sam from “Cheers”
  • ummmm… premise getting thin… must recover…
  • Hurley = Natalie from “Facts of Life”
  • Oh wait! Ecko and Locke are both Bull from “Nightcourt!” No! Ecko is Mac, Jack is Judge Harry, Sawyer is Dan Fielding, Kate is Christine Sullivan, Rose is Roz (YES! YES!), Rousseau is Selma, the Others are Phil the homeless guy, the smoke monster is Mel Torme (get it? “The Velvet Fog“), and the island is the courthouse which exists out of phase with the rest of the world (because it’s AT NIGHT!!!) IT ALL MAKES SENSE! I HAVE JUST SOLVED LOST!
  • LOST = NIGHT COURT FTW!!!LOLOLeleventy1!11!00!!LOLZ

I think I just had a faneurysm. Did I ust invent that word? Don’t fucking steal it! I’m going to put it on a shirt or something.

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Meeemp! is the sound the alarm makes

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I once said that Lost is like reading the first 3 chapters of 10 different books, then going back 6 months later and reading 17 random pages from 5 of the books. What do you do with the other 5 books? (the story started with 10 remember?) You lose those books for at least a year.

(I’d like to point out at this point that I’ve used several numbers in this post. Before you call the feds, I’ve done my research and 3, 10, 6, 17, 5, 5, and 10 are not illegal when used in that order. Some numbers ARE illegal. Be careful.)

Ok so here we are at least a year and a half later, and you find those remaining five books. You pick up on those where you left off low those many months ago. You remember what was going on in those chapters, (sort of) but you’ve basically lost interest (lost…get it?). One of the guys in the 3rd book (of the 2nd set of 5) turns out to be the same guy that caused this one guy from the 4th book (of the first set of 5) to loose his job, and thus go home, get drunk and beat his kids. Who did those kids turn out to be? Fuck you, that’s who.

And scene.

UPDATE 5/27/07

Damn you Henry Ian Cusick and your acursed ambiguous accent! A pox on you! A reader pointed out that Demond is supposed to be Sottish, not Irish. Two comics in and I’ve already issued a retraction. Thanks to Adam Y.