Mr. Fish Goes To Washington


After listening to Kevin Costner testify about how he would fix the Gulf oil spill, I kind of get the impression he bought a “Magnificent Oil Machine” kit out of the back of a Boy’s Life magazine. Though I can see him, gills clogged with syrupy crude, clutching sea turtles in his webbed toes and sea-shepherding them to safety. It’s a tough life for The Mariner. He is more at home with the dolphins and giant mutated sea turtles (it turns out he wasn’t actually able to save them) than he is with humans. His only comfort is that in the ocean, no one can see you cry.

So how is it that actors go about getting face time with congress? Is there a special clip board somewhere in Washington they just have to sign up on?

Name: Costner, Kevin
Occupation: Actor, Director, Ichthyosapien, Amateur Science Enthusiast
Reason for addressing Congress: I bought a patent for a macine that eats water and oil (mixed) and craps water and oil (separated)

Even James Cameron proposed shooting arrows tipped with Unobtanium at the gushing pipeline or some such. That’s an imaginative idea. He should make movies. My challenge to you: How would a particular actor/celebrity solve the oil spill crisis? Perhaps Morgan Freeman could narrate as Tim Robbins crawled through the pipeline with a very large bag of clean clothes tied to his ankle.

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There is also a PRINT of this design too!