The Boy Who Landscaped


The Doctor Is In T-Shirt

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Alternate Title: Peaches and Herbology

Then, right as Neville lifts the Sword of Gryffindor above his head, his parents appear to him in an apparition and say, “Neville, it is ussssss. Yourrrr craaaazzzzzy parennnnts. We might be insaaaaaane from toture and locked away in St. Mungoooos, but even we knooooooowwww you aren’t good enough to defeat… well, anythinnnnnng. Put down that sword and look for a nice place to curl up in a ballll and diiiieeeeee. Let Harry and Hermione take care of the harrrrrrd stuuuuuuuff. Also, why are we talking like ghooooossssts? We’re perfectly aliiiiive, if not totally insaaaaaane.”

COMMENTERS: How excited are you for Deathly Hallows Pt. II? Oh, you aren’t excited? You don’t like Harry Potter? Or you like the books, but not the movies? You should probably go away so we can have our fun.

A NEW THING!!! I have launched It is NOT a replacement for The HijiNKS ENSUE Store. It IS a place that I can put up my more niche, inside, “maybe not for everyone, but definitely for super geeks like us” shirt ideas.

HEY! Check out this interview I did for Hollywood Jane.



And The Deathly Spoilers


Hermione dies.

Ron dies.

Cedric dies again.

They all die virgins. Its a terrible ordeal, really. I’ve saved you the trouble of reading it.

Josh camped out for “Book 7” (thats secret wizard code for, “I’m not reading a children’s book”) like it was some sort of internet telephone device. An “i-telephone” if you are so inclined. I wonder if he has to be the first in line at the bakery when the new bread shows up at 4am. “I want to be the first one to get my hands on the new i-rye!”

Read no further lest ye be lookin’ for spoilers:

I didn’t actually read the whole thing in pirated jpg format (though some did). But I did read the last little bit just to confirm all the internet rumors. Can we say, “Deus ex Elderwandica?” Or is it, “Dumbledore ex Machina?” Either way, JKR certainly wrapped that 7 book series up in a tidy little package at the last minute there, didn’t she? I found the epilogue all together insulting, and I’m not really even a fan. I can only imagine how the scarved and bespectacled crowd must be taking it.

Let me paraphrase:

Epilogue –

Everyone got married and had lots and lots of magical babies. Voldemort still seems to be dead. No further detail is needed.

The End.


UPDATE 7/23/07

Ok, I’ve talked to a few “wand-wielders” this morning and it seems I have judged HP:ATDH:ROTJ too quickly. Assuming one had followed the series with a cult-like fanaticism from it’s inception, apparently the ending is quite satisfying. To be fair, I’ve only seen the movies, which are commonly regarded as the “dry hump” version of the books, and read a few leaked pages and random internet spoilers. An expert on the once and future wizard I am not.

If nothing else, Josh experienced some sort of cathartic plot-resolution-gasm that had been dangerously building pressure for nigh on 10 years.