Quality Assurance

My new podcast Potter & Daughter is live now! You can download the first episode here or subscribe via RSS or iTunesFancy Patreon Patrons get each episode a week early!

It’s freaking cold! Use code 10offhoodies to get $10 off any and all hoodies in the HE store! Use it as many times as you like.

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Some of my daughter’s favorite songs are from the Buffy The Vampire Slayer musical episode, “Once More With Feeling.” She listens to them and sings them constantly, but she’s never seen a single episode of Buffy. She likely won’t for many years to come. I’m thinking 11-12 at the earliest before Buffy-level violence and sex and goofy facial prothesis are appropriate. True story, for those of your familiar with the songs: My wife just recently had to explain, “His penis got diseases from the Chumash Tribe!”

I wonder what she’ll think when she finally sees that episode. It’s damn near at the end of the series, so she’ll have 5ish+ seasons to get through before she gets to the familiar thing she remembers from her earlier childhood. I wonder if she’ll still care by then, or if my opinion on pop culture will still hold any sway.

COMMENTERS: Is there anything you loved as a kid, or your kids loved totally out of context that would have been crazy innapropes had you known the context?

I’m sure a ton of pop songs fall into this category. Jokes too. I would repeat pretty much any joke I heard on An Evening At The Improv or SNL when I was like 10 years old. Looking back, I’m sure 98% of them were about sex, drugs, airplane peanuts and the deal with them (What is it? What IS the deal?).

The Dopest

If you missed the lastest HijiNKS ENSUE comic “White Light, White Heat, White Guilt,” then… don’t. Don’t have missed it.

CRUISE FUNDRAISER UPDATE: All 100 “Bridge Collapse prints are sold! Woohoo! They arrive at my house this weekend (a week later than I anticipated) and will start shipping Monday the 20th.

I made a new eBook/iBook! It’s called “Sorry I Ruined Your Book Vol. 1”! which is available to anyone for a one time “pay what you like” donation.

I had a reader tell me via twitter he was unaware that I had a store where I sold T-shirts and books and such. WELL I CERTAINLY DO.

I’m pretty sure I’ve accurately described blood doping in the panels above. You take out your blood, put stuff in it, then reput the blood back in your carcass, thus infusing said YOU with the new stuff. I can only assume this method arrose out of an athletes desire for somewhat plausible deniability. “I never took performance enhancing drugs. I just had all my blood removed, went and ran a few errands and when I came back and put my blood back in there was all these drugs in it. What am I supposed to do? Take my blood out AGAIN and run it through a Brita filter? Your honor, ladies and gentlemen of the Olympic Committee, I beseech thee… believe this crazy lie so I can keep doing on these drugs because THEY MAKE ME FEEL INVINCIBLLLLLLLLLLE!!!!!! [headbutts the witness stand in half, leaps through the ceiling, runs into then across the ocean, is eaten by a whale]

My point is, if Lance Armstrong if guilty of anything it’s being a stone cold sports-Dracula. Like any other highly competitive sports-Dracula, he only eats blood and sometimes you get tired of the same old hemoglobin and you gots to add some taste enhancing seasoning. Also he’s guilty of perjury and all the other regular drugs he took too. What a creep.

COMMENTERS: In a bleak and dismal hypertechno future, the only way we get nourishment is by removing all of our blood, dumping it full of whatever and pumping it back into… let’s say our eyes. You get the idea. What’s your additive of choice? Red Bull? Bourbon? Sriracha? Lik-M-Aid powder?

Decaf Just To Recaf Pt. 2

Part 1 is HERE.

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I’m about 3 or 4 days into my new caffeine free situation. I am happy to report there have been very few headaches, and also very little joy, happiness or hope. Also there have been a lot of headaches. Since giving up the Devil’s additive, I have noticed my appetite has gone down a bit (from “WAY TOO LARGE” to “medium too large”). I wonder if I just always wanted a snack to go with my soda or if the caffeine was actually affecting my hunger. I do know it was dehydrating me like a mother eff. I suppose it isn’t normal for your eyes to make a crackling sound when you blink. I’ve taken to soaking contact lenses in aloe and putting 3 or 4 of them in each eye.

Mostly I am just annoyed with how difficult it is to find caffeine free alternatives to the drinks I enjoy. That’s a real problem, right? I mean, it’s got to be up there somewhere on the hierarchy of basic needs. First it’s food/water, then shelter, then… what like some sweet bros to hang out with, maybe a lady friend or two, then a ready supply of decaf Pepsi Max followed by self actualization. I think I remember that from sociology class.

Decaf Just To Recaf Pt. 1

This is at least the 10th time I’ve given up caffeine in my 30ish years on this earth. I really did reach the point last week where I was saying, “Why is my body doing all this crazy shit? It’s not like I had a cup of coffee, 3 Pepsi Max, and a grande Starbucks iced Soy Latte before 5pm or anything. No wait, that exactly what I had EVERY DAY AND IT IS KILLING ME.”

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Hyberbole aside, I really felt like I was vibrating. The weird thing is I have never given two shits about caffeine. I just enjoy the many of the liquids they often package it in. My softdrink of choice for years has been Pepsi Max due to the zeroes of calories and its not having the assbutt taste of most diet sodas. Though I always forget the “Max” is referring to the “MAXimum chance of stroke due to the methamphetamine level of stimulants in this can.” So, at least for now, I am off the juice. I have stocked up on decaf coffee, tea and less than desirable sodas. There’s an old adage about work for hire. Out of Good, Cheap and Fast you can pick two, but you can never have all three. Sodas are the same way. Out of tasting good, having no calories and being caffeine free you are lucky if you get to pick two. There does not exist an option that covers all three bases.

My eye is stil twitching but I think that’s because I need new glasses. I was really hoping my declining eyesight would plateau at some point instead of getting worse almost exactly every 12 months. I sort of need my eyes to do this job.

COMMENTERS: Any stories about excessive caffeine intake accidental or on purpose? Any milestone event that forced you to give the stuff up? Any suggestions for alternative drinks to help sort out my hyper-agitated organs?