Bananic Attack

As an husband and father, a good 40% of my time is spent throwing away fruit I just paid for, and bananas are the worst offender. Bananas are the avocados of the food world. They’re only ripe and fit for eating for 11 minutes and that’s usually longer than it takes you to get them home from the store. At minute 12, they’re soft. At minute 13, they’re brown. At minute 14, they’re a non-Newtonian liquid with properties similar to human plasma and dark matter. At minute 15 they briefly revert to a solid, but they’re 100% poison. After 16 minutes, it isn’t safe to be in the house with them. Do not even stare at them for too long as you may develop Bananaeye, so named for Professor James Bananaeye, the first scientist to identify and subsequently be molecularly destabilized by the condition.

HEY! Go check out the shirts and prints in my store! When you buy stuff there, I get to keep some of the money! Money I can then use to buy bananas to throw away!