Brand New Bag

I pitched two ideas for my guest comic over at Cyanide & Happiness. This is the one they rejected.

If you’re under 30, you probably have no idea that for SEVERAL DECADES before you were born it was considered perfectly acceptable to wear a plastic mask of your favorite cartoon character, along with a trash bag (ACTUALLY A LITERAL TRASH BAG) featuring a full body picture of the same character as your Halloween costume. Not only was this considered acceptable Halloween attire for children, but it was an accepted business practice for companies to offer these “costumes” as their “best effort” in exchange for “actual money.”

Do you want A TON of bonus, extra and alternate comics?!  Then my Patreon is THE PLACE for you. Every little bit helps me continue to make a living, and is QUITE appreciated.


Now I walk through the costume aisles of Wal-Mart and Target and kid’s costumes have achieved near Hollywood levels of production value. There are muscle suits, led lights, articulated armor, sound FX… it’s only a matter of time before children go door to door wearing green body suits, and handing out augmented reality goggles that make the candy-giver see them as a 70 foot tall full CG dragon. Dad will stand to the side with a flame thrower and torch the neighbors bushes for increased special FX.

I wasn’t allowed to celebrate Halloween. We had the fundamentalist Christian alternative: HARVEST FESTIVAL. It’s EXACTLY like Halloween except you don’t get to Trick Or Treat and all the costumes are either animals, cowboys or Bible characters. I had a basic costume rotation each year of monkey, cowboy and… let’s say Noah. In retrospect I was just dressed like a modern day Muslim, but I had a burlap sack over my tunic. The 80’s were weird. One year I got a real screen quality ALF costume. It was my favorite thing ever and simultaneously the worst costume I ever had. The shag carpet full body suit made it 800 degrees and itched all to hell and the fur and latex mask was like a tight, rubbery panic prison for my face.

My wife and I enjoy helping our kid have a unique Halloween experience. She’s been Princess LeiaBoo from Monster’s Inc., a Backyardigan, Jessie from Toy Story, A Ghost, a WitchRaven from Teen Titans (complete with a narrative adventure) and Hermione Granger. This year she’s going to be Amethyst from Steven Universe. I’ll post pics of that one after it’s all assembled.

UPDATE: Here’s a Tumblr post with all the Kiddo costumes so far.

Think Only Tree

Look at these t-shirts I made for you! Look at them, then complete the necessary steps to own them! There’s even one of the very comic on THIS PAGE!

HijiNKS ENSUE Store t-shirts
Here’s another resurrected and recolored FANEURYSM comic. As I explained here, there are a few FANEURYSM comics that I don’t want to allow to slip into the void of the Internet’s hazy memory, and that fit in nicely with the aesthetic of Sharkzpode. You can see the original, much smaller, and much more orange version HERE.

Who, Pray Tell, Wouldst One Call Upon?

HEY YOU FANCY BASTARDS LOOK AT THIS OMG! My online store at Explosm is closing forever at the end of this week. Everything is on sale, so go get it while there is good getting to be got.


I’ve reshuffled my Patreon rewards so that the Potter and Daughter Podcast is unlocked at $1750 instead of $2000. We’ve already recorded 4 or 5 episodes and I’m anxious to get it out in the world.

potter and daughter podcast logo hijink ensue

When my Patreon reaches $2000/month  $1750/month I’m going to release a new podcast where upon I interview my 7 years old daughter as she reads through the Harry Potter series. It’s called Potter And Daughter! More details HERE.

Of course we all know the proper title of the theme song to the popular film The Ghostbusting Gentlemen is “Who, Pray Tell, Wouldst One Call Upon? (Were One So Inclined).” Apologies for the use of brevity, despite it’s status as the soul of wit.

This comic closely reflects an actual conversation I had with a turtle-clad neighborhood ninja-child while trick and/or treating (heavy emphasis on the treat part). I explained what they do with the ghosts, to which he replied, “That doesn’t make any sense.” Of course it does. A spectral containment system utilizing a grid of intersecting, high power lasers makes perfect sense. So does a pan-dimensional gateway through which specters, apparitions, vapors and various phantasms are deposited and incarcerated. Ectoplasm doesn’t have mass, therefore the size of the rip in spacetime required to access the adjacent dimension could be infinitesimally small, thus requiring far less power than generating a gateway large enough to pass, say, a hot dog, a human or even a bunch of hot dogs!  It makes all the god damn sense in the world, you booger eater.

Better The Dirt Devil You Know

COMMENTERS: You already know Eli’s. What is YOUR “mating call.” Alternately, what is the “song of your people.”

potter and daughter podcast logo hijink ensue

When my Patreon reaches $2000/month I’m going to release a new podcast where upon I interview my 7 years old daughter as she reads through the Harry Potter series. It’s called Potter And Daughter and it’s awesomefreakinadorableashell! More details HERE.

Calling all Whovians with holes in their ears! Just look at these Dalek earrings my wife made! They’re in her Etsy store and ready to EXTERMINATE your… lack of perfect ear jewelry?

dalek earrings etsy science and fiction

Think Only Tree

Update 09-03-14: GAH! Toronto Fan Expo was a ton of fun, but the preparation, time spent there, time traveling home and recovery have and ARE costing me greatly in terms of productivity. I am frantically trying to update/backdate new comics so there are 4 a week for every week. I’m doing my best. Luckily I don’t have much travel planned for the rest of the year.

My Patrons can view the original sketch for this comic [HERE]. 


Calling all Whovians with holes in their ears! Just look at these Sonic Screwdriver earrings my wife made! 

sonic screwdriver earings matt smith elevelth doctor who etsy