During the campaign there was a lot of talk about how this was the first election where the candidates had the option of taking full advantage of the internet, both to reach potential voters with their message and trade snarky comments on each others blogs. It’s safe to say the guy that won (that one) ran a more net-savvy campaign and I’d like to think it contributed to his victory.

The idea that our next president is a Crackberry addicted, Mac using Spider-Man collector makes me feel like we have “one of our own” in the highest office. I’m not preaching… just enthusiastic. He’s also going to be the first President of the United States to appoint a Chief Technology Officer. Here’s hoping he stays away from Youtube commenters and 4Chan members. If you have an idea as to who it should be or what they should focus on, you can cast your vote (sort of) here.

I remember, as the economy began to implode, hearing the media recall Roosevelt’s Fireside Chats and suggesting that someone (W?) should be communicating with the American people and reassuring them that their concerns were being addressed. I thought, “Obama should do a video blog! That would allow him to keep us informed and show that he relates to us on a technological level! Also it woud allow me to stare into his deep brown eyes while his dullcet tones gently bid me off to sleep!”

I guess he had the same idea. I really hope he keeps it up.

ALSO A THING!: Check out this forum post where a few Aussie Fancy Bastards weigh in on the potential castration of their nets.

Like, maybe a pig.

Earlier this year pioneers of dock-worker rock, Journey, found a new lead singer (their 4th?) by scouring Journey cover bands and karaoke masters on the Youtubes. I’ve done some scientific testing (listening with headphones) and Arnel Pineda sounds more like Steve Perry than Steve Effing Perry (his actual middle name).

Just last week Boston announced they had hired a Home Depot employee to replace late lead singer Brad Delp after hearing his renditions of their songs on Myspace.

“Hi, this is one of the dudes from Boston. We heard your Myspace songs and we want you to sing in our band.”

“Real funny, Steve. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to stock these hex wrenches and 1/4 inch washers. Dick.”

I heard the guy and he does a passable karaoke Boston-style impression, but that’s about it. Sad, because Boston is in my top 5 classic rock bands of all time. Their message of finding happiness through rock and roll always inspired me. No joke.

So, who knows, maybe Josh can take over when Trent Reznor retires (i.e. is piece by piece carried back to the depths from whence he was spawned by one thousand blood-eyed crows).

I hope more bands turn to Youtube for their new singers. I want Tay Zonday to spread his chocolate rain on Velvet Revolver before they get a chance to do a fucking reality show, and the Numa Numa guy to sign on with… whatever group made the Numa Numa song in the first place.

Which Inter-video-tard and band would you pair up?

UPDATE:
Nevermind. Tay Zonday already replaced Rivers Cuomo in Weezer. The end is nigh. (via Bill)

Finnish FB, Jarmo, started an HE Facebook Group.

I’ve finally started uploading reader pics to Flickr.

I also posted some pics from one of our first HE Podcasts. Probably episode 4 or 5.

I’ll keep updating these as I get new pics, so send yours to comics(at)hijinksensue(dot)com.

I also wanted to remind you that if you use Twitter, you can follow me here.

And you can check out my video blogs, where I chronicle my attempts to make a living from this comic, here.

Lastly, looks like I’ll be working with FB Bill to set up a Fancy Bastard Forum. More on that as it develops.

We can still make this dream a reality.

On the subject of Lazers and tagging, was I the only one that watched this show?

Here’s the first video blog. It’s got some basic info on “The Grand Experiment” and some insite into things to come.

Check it out!

I’ll be adding a link to the sidebar but you can subscribe to the HijiNKS Ensue Video Channel here: http://www.youtube.com/hijinksensue

This is my favorite part:

(click for original via /Film)

Josh emailed me late that night with his review:

start with the crazy violence in Ricky-Oh, only using modern techniques that basically make it look real, then multiply that by about 100, you get the new Rambo.

FUCKING.

AWESOME.

Me and eli were freaking out in the theater it was so sweet.

–josh

This paints a picture of school girl enthusiasm that I envy, rather than pity. I’ll also take this opportunity to make sure that anyone who enjoys a good TERRIBLE kung fu movie that makes absolutely no sense and is completely perfect in every way knows about “Ricky-Oh“, or “The Story of Ricky”.

This is a minimal amount of blood for Ricky-Oh.

I won’t spoil what happens to this guy.

If you can’t find a copy of this movie (and I suggest you try), you can see the short version or just the dead bodies on YouTube. Josh showed me this movie the first time we hung out, thus setting the stage for our entire friendship.

Tom Cruise is a super hero from outer space with unlimited cosmic power. The only downside is that he serves a dark master bent on devouring the world and extinguishing all life… is Tom Cruise the Silver Surfer?

My hatred of Tom Cruise courses black through my veins like crude oil. It poisons my soul and robs it of all joy. I will never take him seriously as an actor or a human being because he bases his entire life philosophy on the idea that a galactic despot brainwashed, then h-bombed billions of aliens inside of volcanoes trillions of year ago and now they are stuck in our bodies and that’s why we get depressed some times.

I loved the “Scientology Indoctrination video” that’s been showing up online this week (and Jerry O’Connell’s response). I love it for the fact that it shows beyond a shadow of a doubt what a smarmy, shallow, “glib,” mind-fucked little shit Tom Cruise actually is. I especially LOVE that he claims to have helped people after 9/11, despite really doing the opposite. And I LOVE LOVE that he says being a Scientologist somehow grants you the wherewithal and physical strength to be “the only one that can help” when you see a car accident:

Tom Cruise is driving down the freeway in a black BMW. His Sciento-sense starts to tingle as a sees a 4 car pile up just ahead. He skids to a halt and leaps through the roof of his sedan, flying high in the air and landing in the middle of the twisted wreckage rippling the asphalt beneath him. He is calm. “Stand back, emergency workers,” he announces, “Put down your jaws-of-life and crowbars. I am a Scientologist.” A collective gasp is audible as the gathered crowd of firemen, paramedics and onlookers collectively take 3 steps back. “Give him room,” a fireman says, “let him do his work.”

Tom Cruise makes his way through the wreckage to the first vehicle. The smoke is thick and parching, but he can sense a woman, mid-thirties, is still alive. He claps his hands together once then parts them as if brushing back curtains. The smoke lifts. He is using his mind to keep the woman’s vitals stable. Her blood pressure and heart rate are approaching normal. She is experiencing his mixture of science and love. His Scientology.

He closes his eyes and takes two handfuls of the twisted metal encasing the woman. Anne is her name. She isn’t afraid. She is in the most capable hands in the world. The hands of a Scientologist. The hands of Tom Cruise. The car wrenches and shrieks as he cleaves the metal husk in twain. As if cracking an egg he deposits Anne safely on the ground, holding two halves of an automobile above his head. Tom Cruise heaves the vehicle skyward and it disappears; a speck over the horizon.

“How can I than…” Anne begins as a well manicured finger is pressed to her lips. “Your thanks isn’t necessary. I’m a Scientologist. This is what we do.”

-fin

Give that man a fucking medal.

I get the impression that most people think Scientology is just a crazy club for rich Hollywood weirdos. I’m hoping all that changes now that their insanity is receiving greater exposure. Secret documents have been popping up all over the place, and a hacker group is hell bent on laying waste to their entire organization. They might actually be succeeding… like today.

Anyway, until the day that we are all clear, there are no more SP‘s, and everyone is OT7 just remember to salute your portrait of LRH, use your tech, and KSW, KSW, KSW!

Joco says:

Where’s your thing that you made and put online for everyone to see, you chicken-shit cockhole? …

So it drives me nuts to see people lobbing bullshit negativity into the crowd – if you don’t like it, don’t watch it. And if you don’t have a piece of yourself to contribute, keep quiet. The rest of us are working here.

God damn right. Where is your contribution? Where did you post the little piece of your soul that I may skull fuck it to death?

I mentioned yesterday about getting hateful comments on Digg. It comes with the territory. Create something and share it with the world, then dive into a hole and hide from the backlash. Denizens of the internet are generally hateful toward everything they don’t absolutely love. What happened to “it’s not for me,” or “I have different tastes.” No way, man. It’s all “die from 1000 cancers” this and “suffocate on your own cockandballs” that. Calm down internet. Not everything is a fight. Walk away from the sites, and songs, and comics you don’t like just like you would change the channel on TV (without going to the producer of the show’s house and throwing lit shit baggies at him). Learn the difference between “I dislike…” and “I want the person that made this to feel pain and sorrow.”

Is there a kinder, gentler internet out there for us? This commenter has the right idea:

The honest truth is, these “haters” that rip people to shreds for trying to do something are the same people that want SO BADLY to post their own song on Youtube, or their comic online. Alas, they are far to afraid to deal with the scorn from people JUST LIKE THEMSELVES! The snake eats its own head, entropy reverses, the universe explodes and Data, Riker, Crusher, Geordi and Troi are right back at that card game with a nagging feeling of deja vu.

Ratatoing? Seriously? The company (which is the wrong term because company implies organization and structure) behind these… things is Branscome International, LLC. Is it me, or does that sound like “Brain Scumb.” They should hire Eli’s friend with the bear.

I was first “Goatse‘d” back in the year Nineteen hundred and Ninety Nine, followed shortly by a rousing “Tubgirl‘ing.” I was in intensive care for 3 months. Another 18 months of recuperative therapy and I had almost regained my vision and ability to comprehend language. You see, my brain had simply refused to go on. “Game over, man. Game over. I quit,” says my brain. I would have taken a holiday too if I’d been in his shoes.

That was traumatic, but apparently not EXTREME enough for today’s hip internet youth. Now they have to Rickroll each other into watching some sort of girl-on-girl fecal fetish video that reminds me of the soft serve machine at The Golden Coral. What’s wrong with the youth of this internet.

Here’s me as an old man on a porch,

“In my day we showed our friends still pictures… JPEGs of men with gaping anuses. We didn’t have these online moving pictures to torture anyone with. We’d IM somebody with “Hey, check out this hottie,” then we’d send him a link to a picture of a girl in a bath wearing a stocking on her head and geysering a shit fountain into her own face. It was a simpler time.”

As far as memes go, 2 girls 1 cup is a great way to close out 2007. Let’s go ahead and put a moritorium on memes for the rest of the year. Let’s ride this one out into January, then get back together as a group and decide if we want any more. The same process that brought us Laugh Out Loud Felines, has also caused me to know what it looks like when women that have been eating shit throw up on each other. That’s unacceptable, internet. You should know better.

I guess the guy that “directed it” is in trouble. All I know is Jacky needs to talk to somebody.

Also, “2 girls, 1 cup” sounds like a great name for a lesbian coffee shop.

His rise to internet fame stems from the close connection he keeps with his fans through his website. Email him. I dare you. He’ll respond. He helped me with the code for Corn Mo’s music store just because I asked him how he’d made his own. What a guy!

• Go listen to his songs
• Go read this article about him
• Check out fan-made videos on the Youtubes
• Then go see him on tour
• Specifically go see him this Wednesday in Dallas at Club Dada (doors @ 8pm) with the HE crew.

It is a well documented fact that I love the Internet. You may counter, “Well, if you love it so much, why don’t you marry it?” Two reasons: A) I’m already married, and 2) judging from its proclivity towards pornography one can assume that the Internet is a dude. Not that I wouldn’t marry the Internet if it were a dude. It’s just that it would be illegal in Texas, and I’m not in the mood for a road trip to Massachusetts. Sidenote: “Homophobia” beat out “Racism” and “Fear” as the official “State Feeling of Texas” this year. “Blinding Rage” was a close second.

The point of this comic was simply to point out a few things that make the Intertron a special place for me. I generally gets my LOL Feline fix from I Can Has Cheezeburger. If you aren’t hip to the Cheeze then you need to stop reading this drivel and hop to it. I’m not kidding, you guys. They have pictures of cats with things on them that the cats DO NOT WANT to be on them. It’s hilarious. Hats, furniture, other cats. You name it, they will put it on a cat and take a picture.

What can I say about Tay Zonday. Tay Zonday, some stay dry and others feel the pain. Tay Zonday, a baby born will die before the sin. Tay Zonday, made me cross the street the other day. Tay Zonday, Josh once accused him of inward singing.

Wikipedia is a treasure like none other. Sometimes I want to know things. Some guy already knew those things and wrote about them in Wikipedia. Those things often have to do with Hobbits and Transformers.

(Yes, that’s Utah Raptor from Dinosaur Comics that General Eli is riding. Good eye!)

Finally, Myspace. Myspace is a fucking piece of shit. It is, by far, the worst thing I have ever used for any reason, in any capacity or circumstance. The UI is non-existent and the features are the opposite of features. To call them “features” would be like calling weeping sores a “feature” of herpes. Check out my Myspace!

The “Vol. 1” in the title eludes to some possibility of a follow up. What Internets should I tackle next?

Bonus: You can download a hi-res version of the Wikipedia panel here.