tv – HijiNKS ENSUE

The Other Prime Directive

Joel — Tue, 22 Sep 2015 10:46:05 +0000

My Patrons got EIGHT TOTALLY DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF THIS COMIC with totally different jokes!!! WHAT?!?!? I KNOW!!!

Dearest Sharksploders, please help me get my Patreon over the $2000 hump. Comics is my full time job, but it doesn’t currently pay full time money. I’ve been doing a lot of freelance work lately (which distracts me from making comics) to make ends meet, and I’ve agreed to attend more conventions this year than I really feel comfortable with (which REALLY distracts me from making comics) out of financial fear. Every little bit helps and is QUITE appreciated.

Oh, Wesley, no… you didn’t read the comments, did you? Why would you do that to yourself? You’re a very smart boy. Perhaps the smartest. You’ve got a lot going for you in terms of getting to fly a spaceship, getting to make out with alien girls that sometimes turn into bear monsters and occasionally getting space-drunk with a man-shaped science robot. FOCUS on these aspects of your life, man! Don’t let the haters get you down. Go do a wicked science fair project that creates an artificial singularity or whatever. That sounds like a fun Saturday night, right? Much better than trolling the Internet for opinions that strangers have about you, and your sweaters and your haircut and how sassy you get when the grown up JUST WON’T LISTEN! You’re great, kid. You keep doing you and it will all work out. Maybe someday you’ll catch the attention of an inter dimensional child predator in a windowless space van who will leave a trail of space candy to guide you to his other pants of existence… other PLANES of existence.

How Many Lights Do You See?

Joel — Fri, 14 Aug 2015 10:50:32 +0000

Here’s (I believe) THE FINAL redrawn/recolored FANEURYSM comic. You can see the original here, and read the blog post I wrote back in April 2014 below.

The Star Trek: TNG episode “Chain Of Command Pt. 2″ is such a wonderful hour of television. Patrick Stewart just DESTROYS your preconceived notions about cheesy acting in Star Trek or in science fiction in general. He Shakespeares THE SHIT out of that final torture scene. Picard is a man physically and mentally broken, but his will triumphs in the face of unbearable pain and almost total, partial nudity. Cardassians, man. Fucking Cardassians.

Here’s a T-Shirt I made about how much people care about fictional depictions of long past interstellar conflicts.

Cosmic Sans

Joel — Wed, 12 Aug 2015 12:30:56 +0000

Here’s another redrawn/recolored FANEURYSM comic. This was one of the first ones I ever did, one of my favorites and the one that probably the fewest people who aren’t me understand. You can see the original here, and read the blog post I wrote back in April 2014 below.

I wrote at least three different comics about “Darmok.” I am definitely making at least one of them, but I haven’t decided if I’m going to save it for later or just do it now. I also haven’t decided if I’m just going to give up HijiNKS ENSUE and FANEURYSM and just make Darmok comics every day until I’m dead. Decisions are tough. It feels like that one time… with Temba… and the arms or whatever. Metaphors are also tough.

As much as I love “Darmok,” I do take issue with it. Actually, I take a metric assload of issue with it. Let’s assume that at some point the Tamarians didn’t talk like stupid idiots. They HAD to have regular language at some point in order to pass down the stories that allow their metaphors to be relatable. So perhaps they gave up on coherent speech as a people at some point and the Head Tamarian In Charge said, “Guys, here me out. We all know about Darmok, and Temba, and Shaka and what they were all about and what not. How’s about when I finish THIS SENTENCE, we only speak in reference to our shared cultural stories from here on out starrrrrtiiiiiinnnnnng…. NOW?”

I’m sure it worked out great for maybe a day or two, and everyone felt super cool about their complicated new way of not really communicating very well, and how funny it was that they were super frustrating to every other species in the Galaxy, but then… THEN someone needed to find a way to say, “Hey, I think I dropped the remote behind the couch when I was vacuuming. Can you reach back there and check? I would, but you know how my back is.” Then it was just kill or be killed. I wouldn’t be surprised if Captain Dathon and his crew were the last six surviving Tamarians. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were only six of them left and they had JUST started talking this way maybe 6 weeks ago.

Of course it makes a hell of a lot more sense if you consider that maybe they only speak that way in adulthood, or in formal settings, or if they belong to a particular religion are political affiliation, or if they are high born or when they want to infuriate an uncharacteristically dense in this particular episode Starfleet Captain until they are eaten by an invisible monster in order to prove a point.

Look at these Harry Potter Owl Post Earrings, Doctor Who Dalek Earrings and Star Wars Lightsaber Earrings my wife made!

Look at them with your eyes, buy them with your hands and jam them into your ears!

FARGOne Conclusion

Joel — Tue, 11 Aug 2015 10:35:33 +0000

NEW PATREON REWARDS
AND GOALS!!!

Become a Patron now and you can help
me release more eBooks of my comics and
sketches, bonus monthly Patron-Only comics,
an album of cover songs, a LOST EPISODE OF
THE HIJINKS ENSUE PODCAST, and MORE!

Check out my Patreon HERE.

Here’s another redrawn/recolored FANEURYSM comic, newly reborn as a SHARKSPLODE comic. Bask in its unholy tranformation! You can see the original here, and read the blog post I wrote back in March 2014 below. Fargo season 2 is about to start, so now’s a good time to shotgun season 1.

The Fargo TV series is really good. Like REALLY good, dontchaknow. My wife and I started shotgunning it via VOD based on numerous accounts of it being of high quality and damn, if it didn’t grab me right away. At first I was confused, thinking that it was a retelling of the original Coen brothers movie. A lot of the characters and many of the situations seemed to be analogous to the those in the 1996 film. Also, they both started with an onscreen message about being based on a true story. So was it the same true story, or two very similar true stories that happened nearly 20 years apart? Was Martin Freeman’s character supposed to be the TV version of William H. Macey’s character? They both had dead end jobs and got involved with criminals before quickly getting in way over their heads.

So, what was the deal? It turns out the answers to my questions were basically, “Yessss? But also noooo?” Fargo, the movie, is NOT based on a true story. There are a few true crime stories that might have been inspiration, but one of them took place in Connecticut, and neither of them are similar enough to the film to call it “true.” That was just a lie the film makers used when marketing the movie to a world that didn’t yet have immediate access to all recorded facts in their pockets. Bullshitting was easier in the 90’s. Likewise, the FX show is also NOT a true story. It’s a great story, but a false one none the less. After a few episodes you actually learn that Fargo the show is a direct sequel to Fargo the movie in that they take place in the same universe, and at least one plot point carries over directly from one to the next. It is ALSO a bit of a remake/retelling in that many of the characters and situations are TV-ised versions of their movie counterparts. It’s a bit confusing when you analyze it, but it’s also great TV. And I should point out that knowledge of the movie is in no way necessary to enjoy the show.

Now go have some hotdish, hon, and enjoy the nice, gruesome murders on the TV.

Look at these Harry Potter Owl Post Earrings, Doctor Who Dalek Earrings and Star Wars Lightsaber Earrings my wife made!

Look at them with your eyes, buy them with your hands and jam them into your ears!

Captain’s Prerogative

Joel — Thu, 09 Jul 2015 05:01:00 +0000

I’m at San Diego Comic-con RIGHT NOW at the Cyanide & Happiness booth (#1234)! Come say hi, buy and a print and get a sketch from me and the Explosm boys.

Here’s another resurrected and recolored and COMPLETELY redrawn FANEURYSM comic. As I explained here, there are a few FANEURYSM comics that I don’t want to allow to slip into the void of the Internet’s hazy memory, and that fit in nicely with the aesthetic of Sharkzpode. You can see the original, much smaller, and much more blue version HERE.

I showed this comic, as well as some behind the scenes aspects of the creative process to my Patreon Patrons earlier this week.

Wesley obviously wants Picard to be his dad. I always imagine the two of them in that scene from Boogie Nights with Heather Graham and Julianne Moore:

Wesley: “Captain?”
Picard: *comes up from doing a rail of coke off of a deactivated Data’s boner, “Yeah?”
Wesley: “I want you to be my dad. I’m going to ask you if you’re my dad and when I do, I want you to say yes.” *chops up a line with an isolinear optical chip
Picard: “Ok.”
Wesley: “Are YOU my dad?”
Picard: “Yes. YES!”
*both cry into a pile of cocaine while the ship is being overrun by Romulans

Sharksploders: Which fictional character would you like to have for a parent and why?

Orphan Is The New Black

Joel — Fri, 19 Jun 2015 07:43:52 +0000

Here’s another resurrected and recolored FANEURYSM comic. As I explained here, there are a few FANEURYSM comics that I don’t want to allow to slip into the void of the Internet’s hazy memory, and that fit in nicely with the aesthetic of Sharkzpode. You can see the original version HERE.

I just finished season 3 of Orange Is The New Black. The shift in tone took a couple of episodes to get used to, but eventually it felt like a nicer balance between heart warming/chilling character development, drama and comedy than previous seasons. I like that Piper is now the least interesting character on the show. I wonder how long we’re going to have to wait for the rest of network and cable TV to catch up to Netflix in terms of them having found the perfect format for releasing serialized video entertainment chunks. I would rather every single show I watch just hold on the entire season until it’s complete, then release it all at once. I would also rather every show that tries to keep itself interesting for 22 episodes to cut that nonsense in half. Brevity is the soul of wit and 18ish hours is hardly brief when you’re really only telling one A story and a couple of B and C stories.

I’ve let Orphan Black pile up on the DVR this season. It’s all there waiting for me, but I haven’t felt motivated to watch it. I think the first seasons was perfect, and the 2nd started to flail a bit in terms of direction. I still think Tatiana Maslany deserves each and every acting accolade and award that we, as a species, are capable of giving out, but I just haven’t felt like spending any time in the clone zone. The fact that I don’t feel like I’m missing out (because I know it’s still on my DVR and will be there waiting for me when I’m ready) falls right in line with my admiration for the “release ’em all when ther’ done!” TV model. For me, a TV show has become a thing like an album. When I get a new one that I like, I listen to it on repeat almost exclusively for days or weeks. When I binge watch a show, I feel the same way. I want to spend time in the world that bit of entertainment allows me entrance to. I want to enter that particular headspace and swim around in it for an extended amount of time. It’s much more immersive for me to enjoy art this way. To just wrap myself up in it day after day for a week or two, then spend a few days decompressing and thinking about what it meant or how it made me feel.

SHARKSPLODERS: What bit of entertainment did you immerse yourself in for days or weeks at a time, and why?

Singing My Nine Lives With His Words

Joel — Tue, 09 Jun 2015 03:35:14 +0000

The popular quantum physics thought experiment, Schrodinger’s Cat, goes thusly: Schrodinger would lock himself in a room with his cat, then pick it up and scream the theme from Magnum P.I. into his face (using only the word “kitty” of course). Now, until someone opened the door and observed Schrodinger’s face, it existed in both clawed off and not-clawed off but let’s face it probably clawed off states simultaneously.

Sharksploders: You do weird shit to your cats, right? C’mon. Of course you do.

DVR You There, God?

Joel — Mon, 01 Jun 2015 10:53:36 +0000

Beyond The Rim Of The Starlight

Joel — Mon, 01 Jun 2015 10:50:49 +0000

Quality Assurance

Joel — Fri, 13 Feb 2015 10:05:23 +0000

NEWS:
My new podcast Potter & Daughter is live now! You can download the first episode here or subscribe via RSS or iTunes. Fancy Patreon Patrons get each episode a week early!

It’s freaking cold! Use code 10offhoodies to get $10 off any and all hoodies in the HE store! Use it as many times as you like.

Some of my daughter’s favorite songs are from the Buffy The Vampire Slayer musical episode, “Once More With Feeling.” She listens to them and sings them constantly, but she’s never seen a single episode of Buffy. She likely won’t for many years to come. I’m thinking 11-12 at the earliest before Buffy-level violence and sex and goofy facial prothesis are appropriate. True story, for those of your familiar with the songs: My wife just recently had to explain, “His penis got diseases from the Chumash Tribe!”

I wonder what she’ll think when she finally sees that episode. It’s damn near at the end of the series, so she’ll have 5ish+ seasons to get through before she gets to the familiar thing she remembers from her earlier childhood. I wonder if she’ll still care by then, or if my opinion on pop culture will still hold any sway.

COMMENTERS: Is there anything you loved as a kid, or your kids loved totally out of context that would have been crazy innapropes had you known the context?

I’m sure a ton of pop songs fall into this category. Jokes too. I would repeat pretty much any joke I heard on An Evening At The Improv or SNL when I was like 10 years old. Looking back, I’m sure 98% of them were about sex, drugs, airplane peanuts and the deal with them (What is it? What IS the deal?).

The Game Is The Game

Joel — Sat, 31 Jan 2015 02:13:09 +0000

NEWS:

Over the weekend my Patreon passed the $1750 milestone, so my new podcast “Potter & Daughter” will debut in February. You can learn more about it here.

COMMENTERS: Tell us about a time you saw a kid do something or heard them say something that made you weep for humanity.

What Lies Beneath

Joel — Wed, 21 Jan 2015 15:47:36 +0000

UPDATE: ONE(ish) WEEKS LEFT! THEN THEY’RE GONE GONE GONE!!!

For the month of January 2015, both of my books are only $5 each. Buy 2 of them and I’ll give you a free mystery mini print. After January they are GONE FOREVER.

I am selling them at or below cost so they can go to Fancy Bastards that will appreciate them, rather than a bonfire. Grab them HERE.

POTTER AND DAUGHTER IS NIGH! The Harry Potter podcast I’ve been recording with my daughter is dangerously close to getting released (when my Patreon reaches $1750). Read more about it here.

COMMENTERS: Why do some of you pretend all cats are not evil? Why do you lie? Does your cat have information on you that you don’t want getting out? Does it have a member of your family hidden beneath the floor boards or trapped inside its cat tree? Do you need help? If you need help, blink three times. If the cat has already chewed off your eyelids to prevent blinking, try screaming hysterically, “OH GOD OH FUCK OH NO THE CAT OHHHH GAAAAAAAHD MY EYES THE CAT HAS OH NOOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT HAS IT DONNNNNNE?!?! WHAT WILL BECOME OF MEEEEEEE?!?! OH GAHHHGHGHGHGLLLLLNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?!?!”

Bubblegum, Bubblegum, Toil and Troublegum

Joel — Mon, 19 Jan 2015 16:49:19 +0000

UPDATE: THIS WEEK! NEXT WEEK! THEN THEY’RE GONE GONE GONE!!!

For the month of January 2015, both of my books are only $5 each. Buy 2 of them and I’ll give you a free mystery mini print. After January they are GONE FOREVER.

I am selling them at or below cost so they can go to Fancy Bastards that will appreciate them, rather than a bonfire. Grab them HERE.

HEY HEY HEY, did I mention that I have a Patreon? I do.

I went back and forth on whether or not to do this comic about a dozen times. One of my main goals when rebooting HijiNKS ENSUE was to have the comics NOT be so inside my own head, NOT so insistent that you be on the same page with me on every TV show, movie, Internet thing, etc. that the average HE reader couldn’t relate to the subject matter. Still, the more and more I thought about NOT doing this comic, the more it kept creeping in my brain because this is very close to an actual conversation that my daughter and I had and I really wanted to share it.

I’ll get more into it in the next comic’s blog post, but my kid has “cuteness blinders” for all things insidious and evil. For those of you that don’t watch Adventure Time, Peppermint Butler is… wait for it… a peppermint who is also a butler, specifically butling for the ruler of the Candy Kingdom, Princess Bubblegum. At least, that’s his day job. In recent seasons they’ve shown that Peppermint Butler is also an upside down bloody pentagram on the wall type sorcerer. I mentioned this to Kiddo at some point as in, “But of course we all know he’s actually evil,” and she was all, “WHA-HUUUUUUUUHHH?!” She demanded evidence, and I pointed out that in the episode we had just watched he was torturing another candy fellow in his cave, while reciting dark incantations to summon and bind a demon in order to force it to do his mellifluous bidding. To which she replied, “Well… yeah… but… HE’S MADE OF CANDY!” Cuteness blinders, man. I’m telling you.

COMMENTERS: Have your kids (or did YOU as a kid) ever completely missed the true intended nature of a character because of their cuteness? What about the lack there of? Anything that was supposed to be cute and cuddly that totally freaked a kid out?

May Not Be Suitable For All Audiences

Joel — Fri, 16 Jan 2015 10:59:40 +0000

UPDATE: ONLY 2 WEEKS LEFT!!!

For the month of January 2015, both of my books are only $5 each. Buy 2 of them and I’ll give you a free mystery mini print. After January they are GONE FOREVER.

I am selling them at or below cost so they can go to Fancy Bastards that will appreciate them, rather than a bonfire. Grab them HERE.

HEY HEY HEY, did I mention that I have a Patreon? I do, and because my Fancy Patrons blew past the $1500 Milestone Goal, I was able to completely redesign the website.

Everything my kid watches on the television falls into one of two categories. Pretty OK and UNWATCHABLE CUTESY SHOUTING CONTEST. The pretty ok stuff comes, as the comic above suggests, mainly from PBS Kids. Shows like Word Girl, Martha Speaks, Wild Kratts, and Curious George actually do a commendable job of blending entertainment and education while simultaneously not being obnoxious to parents.

The rest come from all over. Nick, Disney, Cartoon Network, probably the channel where they sell knives at night, maybe a ditch with half a snake in a Coke can… just all over. I can’t really pin down the source of the annoyance other than a seemingly universal opinion among children’s television producers that kids always want to hear character screaming, shouting, shrieking, shrilly cackling or singing makeshift autotuned pop songs that are vaguely about friendship and mostly about “being yourself” and “dancing” and “dancing yourself” and “self esteem achieved through dancing” and “dance esteem.”

Adventure Time is the outlier, because it is truly phenomenal genre fiction cleverly disguised as a show for tiny children and adult stoners. Not even Game Of Thrones can match the world building going on in Adventure Time. It’s FUCKING vast. AT is also unique in the way that it has created a framework within itself where the writers are free to completely abandon the established characters and locales (even the typical time and space dimensions in which the show takes place) and just expand outward in every creative direction to tell some incredibly complex and often times bizarre stories that still manage to stay grounded in the world from which they spring. Vast, man. I am telling you. Vast.

It also doesn’t hurt that it is expertly written and voice acted. It’s genuinely funny for adults. The most interesting thing I notice while watching it with Kiddo is what makes me laugh, but not her. What makes her laugh, but only makes me smile, and what makes us both laugh heartily at the same time. SPOILERS: It’s the farts.

COMMENTERS: What things do your kids or just kids in general enjoy that you can’t stand? What gives you common entertainment ground?

Where You Lead, I Will Follow

Joel — Fri, 14 Nov 2014 20:20:47 +0000

There are multiple truths in this comic. A) I have been watching a lot of Gilmore Girls reruns, both on TV and Netflix, lately. The reruns on TV just hit the sweet spot where Lorelai has the inn open and she starts dating Luke and Emily and Richard are separated and Rory starts an affair with Dean and Lain realizes she has feelings for Zach and… it’s a really great show. Great characters, GREAT writing, just really excellent TV. Anyone that tells you different has never loved, been loved or is probably a replicant. And B) I cannot tell you how often I have forgone watching a movie in superior 1080p HD image quality because my Blu-rays were “all the way over there” and Netflix was exactly where my ass was.

Sharksplode is closing forever just after Thanksgiving. Some of the more popular shirts will be integrated into the new HE store, but about half won’t be. So if you want something from Sharksplode, now is the time to get it.

DID YOU GET YOUR HOGWARTS LETTER YET?! Check out these Harry Potter inspired owl post earrings and necklaces my wife made:

Learning Through Osmosis

Joel — Tue, 02 Sep 2014 01:18:26 +0000

This is such a true story, it is MULTIPLE true stories. With an S. The first time this happened I was in Toronto and the My Little Pony: Equestria Girls toys were being debuted at the show. Kiddo was obsessed with the movie and I was missing her first day of 1st grade to be at this particular convention, so I wanted to get her a cool gift. I went up to the booth and browsed what was in the case. There was a mother with her young daughter, 8 or 9 years old (American years… no idea what the Canadian metric conversion age is.), and it quickly became clear that we were looking at the same things. I feared her mother had warned her about the “grown men who like to play with ponies,” of which I was not one, but CLEARLY appeared to be one at that moment. I almost said aloud, “I’m shopping for my DAUGHTER,” but I thought better of uttering what is likely the shameful battle cry of the self-hating adult pony enthusiast.

My Patrons can see the original last panel to the previous comic which spawned the writing process for THIS comic [HERE].

A more subtle approach would be to ask, “How old is your daughter? Mine is 6 and she LOVES this stuff.” But as I thought the words they immediately became twisted and creepy. “HoWwWwww OLLLLLD izzzz yoURRR DAWWWWWWTERRRRRR?!?!? [pant pant hisssssssss]” Better to just smile as un-creepily as possible and wait for the booth worker to come over. She arrived and addressed the little girl first. “I want Twilight!” she belted enthusiastically. “OK, just let me get one from the back, eh? [aboot soory]” the associate replied. I had already been away from my booth for longer than I intended, so I just raised my hand and said, “Make that two.” I might as well have said, “I’ll have what she’s having,” then given the mom a wink and a pair of finger guns. Then I could just hold my wrists together and wait for security to put them in handcuffs. A more direct approach would have been, “I’LL HAVE THE SAME PONY THAT THE CHILD IS HAVING! I’LL HAVE IT FOR MY OWNNNNN!”

Anyway, I felt goofy buying it at a convention, but Kiddo loved it and that was the point. A year or so later at SDCC I had the exact same experience, only more so humiliating. My con-wife, David, had procured through man-child sorcery a special VIP pass to the Hasbro booth, which let you skip the massive line of other man-children and purchase whatever they were offering that reminded you of when you were young and alive and so much further away from an inevitable death. David and I made the death march from the webcomics area of the floor to the Hasbro booth which, while only being about 10 rows away, took a good 30 minutes to reach in SDCC time. The cases were full of robots and ponies and maybe some robot ponies, but definitely NO pony robots. I flashed my VIP (Very Impressive Pony) badge and was ushered to the front of an impossible long line.

To my chagrin, I learned that all of the stuff in the cases was not, in fact, for sale and was, in fact, for filling space in cases. The only thing they sold at this booth was convention exclusive toys, most of which cost upwards of $50-$100. I usually spend about $20 on Kiddo’s convention gift and maybe another $10 on comics for her. The cheapest thing they had, that would be of any interest to her at all was $35. It was a limited edition pony who was based on a character from an episode that she had seen, but who only actually appeared in the comics, which she had not read. I had come all of this way, and no booth was going to have shorter line than this. Maybe she would think the “con exclusive” aspect of it was cool. Whatever. “I’ll take a… Mane-iac Mayhem Equestria Girl.” The booth worker looked at me like, “Of course you will, Beardo,” and wrapped it up.

I wiki’d the character once I got back to the booth, so I could at least know what I was presenting to my child. That’s how it happens. That’s how you get THE KNOWING. Not, necessarily by being interested in your kid’s toys and shows themselves, but by being interested in your kid. Granted, there are lots of things she’s into that I am GENUINELY into. Adventure Time, Minecraft, Ninja Turtles… Our Venn Diagram of interests has plenty of legitimate overlap. MLP: FiMOMGLOL just isn’t my bag, and so I feel like a goofus when I have to display my uncharacteristically extensive knowledge of the subject matter.

My daughter lives in a world where everything she likes is the universally adored, coolest stuff ever. “How could anyone NOT like Littlest Pet Shop?! [I could list 1000 reasons] It’s the COOLEST! [It is not]” But, rather than be the dad who “doesn’t get it, doesn’t WANT to get it,” I want to be the dad who begrudgingly watches the overly bubbly, hyper manic, highest possible pitched shouting matches that are her favorite shows, so that when she wants to talk about them (which is always), I will have more to say than, “That’s nice, Kiddo.”

The problems occur when I actually start to have opinions about this stuff. Like how, in a world with three distinct evolutionary offshoots of the dominant species, where one of the subsets is so much more powerful than the other two as to make them appear crippled, does a caste system not naturally develop? Here’s how a real world Equestria would break down: Unicorns on top, ruling the Pegasi and Earth Ponies with an iron hoof. Just dominating every aspect of pony life and taking what they want, when they want, from whomever they want. They are telekinetic magic users in a community where everyone else can’t even get a book off the shelf without gnawing at it with their teeth! The pegasi are their enforcers. They are still subjugated by the unicorns, but they are awarded special privileges for keeping the Earth ponies in line. The Earth ponies are garbage. Just pure, fucking nonsense garbage. They dig trenches, and break rocks, and pull shit around in carts and probably serve as a food source for the upper classes.

Bare minimum, this shit is all going down 5 minutes after the unicorns figure out magic. Extrapolate a bit further, probably after an uprising or two, and the unicorns have completely wiped out the other two classes and enslaved… I don’t know… whatever species Strawberry Shortcake is.

Calling all Whovians with holes in their ears! Just look at these Sonic Screwdriver earrings my wife made!

https://www.etsy.com/listing/200762224/doctor-who-inspired-sonic-screwdriver

Orphan Is The New Black

Joel — Fri, 20 Jun 2014 22:19:10 +0000

50% OFF SALE in the HijinkS ENSUE STORE THIS WEEK!
Books, Prints, Posters, Lil’ Wil Wheaton plushies and Holiday Cards are all HALF OFF! Some shirts are marked down to $5!

I tweeted this almost a year ago. Since then, I’ve gotten hooked on both shows. It’s ALLLLLMOST like TV shows with a primarily female cast can be really good. Weird.

Fancy Patrons: I’ve posted the rough sketch of this comic for you to put your eyes on here. We are less than $50 away from unlocking more comics per week!

FARGOne Conclusion

Joel — Thu, 29 May 2014 00:30:22 +0000

The Fargo TV series is really good. Like REALLY good, dontchaknow. My wife and I started shotgunning it via VOD based on numerous accounts of it being of high quality and damn, if it didn’t grab me right away. At first I was confused, thinking that it was a retelling of the original Coen brothers movie. A lot of the characters and many of the situations seemed to be analogous to the those in the 1996 film. Also, they both started with an onscreen message about being based on a true story. So was it the same true story, or two very similar true stories that happened nearly 20 years apart? Was Martin Freeman’s character supposed to be the TV version of William H. Macey’s character? They both had dead end jobs and got involved with criminals before quickly getting in way over their heads.

FANCY BASTARD BULLETIN!
Tuesday June 3rd is my birthday (I’m almost positive I’m turning 33). If you like to help me celebrate, please feel free to check out:

My Patreon campaign

My donation page or

My Amazon wish list.

The Patreon is honestly the greatest thing you can do for me in terms of making sure I am still able to do HijiNKS ENSUE as my full time job. Otherwise, I’ll happily take an Internet high five via Twitter or Facebook.

So, what was the deal? It turns out the answers to my questions were basically, “Yessss? But also noooo?” Fargo, the movie, is NOT based on a true story. There are a few true crime stories that might have been inspiration, but one of them took place in Connecticut, and neither of them are similar enough to the film to call it “true.” That was just a lie the film makers used when marketing the movie to a world that didn’t yet have immediate access to all recorded facts in their pockets. Bullshitting was easier in the 90’s. Likewise, the FX show is also NOT a true story. It’s a great story, but a false one none the less. After a few episodes you actually learn that Fargo the show is a direct sequel to Fargo the movie in that they take place in the same universe, and at least one plot point carries over directly from one to the next. It is ALSO a bit of a remake/retelling in that many of the characters and situations are TV-ised versions of their movie counterparts. It’s a bit confusing when you analyze it, but it’s also great TV. And I should point out that knowledge of the movie is in no way necessary to enjoy the show.

Now go have some hotdish, hon, and enjoy the nice, gruesome murders on the TV.

I also made you this super cute Adventure Time/Doctor Who shirt. GO BUY IT!

Learning To Love Again

Joel — Thu, 21 Nov 2013 08:09:22 +0000

Do you live in or around Austin, TX? Come see me and Dave from Cyanide & Happiness and Randy from Something*Positive at Wizard World Austin this weekend (Saturday and Sunday only). We’ll be at the Dragon’s Lair booth #938 selling merch and doing sketches. Here’s some more info!

I absolutely refused to give Arrow a chance due to its unfortunate pedigree. Being a DC/Warner Bros super hero “reimagining” on The CW and starring nothing but underwear model gorgeous people set off all of my “DON’T WATCH! DON’T WATCH!” alarms. Then, in a moment of weakness, I watched the pilot on Netflix. 3 days later I had binged the entire first season. 3 days after that I was caught up on season 2 via Hulu and The CW app on my iPad (both horrific viewing experiences when compared to Netflix). I gotta say, I was wrong.

Arrow is super enjoyable. That is to say, it is CONSISTENT. If you like the pilot, you will like every subsequent episode just as much, and several you will like quite a bit more. Everything good and bad about Arrow is present from the word “Go” and it keeps a pretty even keel throughout. The stars are far better actors than you’d expect from the CW, the writing is above average for a super-soap, the writers are obviously not scrambling to fit a bunch of loose plot threads together (it feels like they actually have a plan, but leave room for new ideas), the FX are not cheesy, the cinematography is better than most cable action dramas and (something I was not expecting to notice or care about) the fight choreography is quite interesting. There’s a lot of close combat (it’s not all arrows from afar) and the producers have obviously spent some time developing a fighting style for the main characters that plays well on TV without being overblown or unrealistic.

All of that said, there are moments of soapy-cheese (usually between Oliver and Laurel), sometimes the villains or the guest stars are not on level with the core cast acting-wise (but rarely if ever Tom “Wait… does… Clark… smell… a fart… or… is… he… just… trying… to… convey… emooooootion?” Welling horrible), and… no, that’s about it. There just isn’t much to dislike about Arrow at all.

One of the aspects of Arrow that I’m particularly enjoying (something that Smallville failed miserably at), is how they are integrating characters from the wider DC universe in clever and subtle ways. They plant seeds episodes in advance for big character appearances in ways that would go totally unnoticed by non-nerds, but also won’t infuriate their core nerd audience. When they do introduce a larger than life character, they find a way to distill them down to their basic elements without totally reinventing them (since the Arrow-verse seems to be one without Metahumans or actual superpowers so far). I don’t want to get into specifics to avoid spoilers, but we are doing a SUPER SPOILERY THREAD over in the Fancy Bastard Facebook Group (newbies HERE and season 2 discussion HERE).

So, if you liked the idea of Smallville but wished it were 1000% less dumb, or 100% more like Batman Begins, I strongly recommend checking out Arrow. Season 1 is streamable on Netflix and Season 2 (which is about half-ish over) is available via Hulu (free version) and the CW streaming iOS app (though episodes are being removed as they get older). It feels good to enjoy a damn super hero on TV again.

Buying holiday type gifts for a special Harry Potter Fan? If you haven’t seen my wife’s Quidditch necklaces, you probably should is alls I’m sayin’.

HEY! CHECK THIS OUT!

I did an interview with Graphic Knowledge Magazine (Issue 2) (available here for iOS devices) about the origins of HE, the recent shift to storyline/character based comics, and the ups and downs of this weird job I have. I felt like I was super honest and there’s probably some good info in there for anyone looking to do their own thing for a living.

Comments (22)

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gabepuratekuta· 82 weeks ago

Don’t do it, Josh! It’ll destroy you!

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4 replies · active 81 weeks ago

josh· 82 weeks ago

don’t you worry about a thing, this comic would never, ever, EVER actually happen in a million years. Smallville was dead to me about 3 episodes into season 4, and I will carry that grudge to my fucking grave. This comic is basically libel. Or slander. I forget which is which.

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Jason· 82 weeks ago

If it’s spoken, it’s slander. If it’s written, it’s libel. Spoken and slander both start with S, so that’s how I remember it.

Smallville also starts with S. Draw your own conclusions.

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Hielario · 81 weeks ago

And if i use a megaphone?

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HandiGoat · 82 weeks ago

I’m surprised you lasted up to season 4. To be fair, I don’t think the problem was bad writing, it’s just that Superman is a terrible character to have any kind of long-term story arcs for. He’s basically a god (time-travel anyone?), so trying to create any kind of conflict gets ridiculous after a while (“OHEMGEE, YOU have a chunk of a planet that blowed up on the other side of the galaxy?! ME TOO!”).

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Jeff · 82 weeks ago

Which of the three sister witches was a total B-Word? I bet it was the one whose name started with a ‘P’!

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@pantscommander · 82 weeks ago

The think that gets me about Arrow is it is full of attractive people with odd faces. Oliver and the girlfriend (sorry, terrible with names and I’ve only seen a handful of eps) both look like God said “I’ll build this hottie from the feet up” and just kinda halfassed it as he got near the end. And yes, God talks like a sorority girl when making people.

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danwcole· 82 weeks ago

I stopped after the Huntress. I started to feel like we were treading into Cape territory after that – and I’m a LIFE-LONG comic geek.
I dunno. I might try it again. When my girlfriend’s not home and the shades are drawn.

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1 reply · active 81 weeks ago

Pikkabird · 81 weeks ago

Just…gloss over the Huntress episodes (there’s only 3 in Season 1, and no word of her in S2 so far). It’s SO MUCH BETTER outside of the Huntress episodes.

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Matt. · 82 weeks ago

“Everything good and bad about Arrow is present from the word “Go” and it keeps a pretty even keel throughout.” <– My enjoyment of Arrow is totally summed up by this statement.

The wife, who is the resident comic book nerd, does not watch Arrow but will occasionally walk by and go, “Oh cool they’re introducing so-and-so”, to which I have to respond, “Um… sure…” Which is to say, it’s quite enjoyable for the those with little comic book background who just want their stories.

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1 reply · active 82 weeks ago

bubujin_2 · 82 weeks ago

Yeah that’s me. I read some review of Arrow elsewhere that caught my interest and so started watching it online before the start of the second season. And since the comic book character was only dimly known to me, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the show by not being previously familiar with the Arrow-verse.

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Richter12x2 · 82 weeks ago

The unfortunately problem I had with Arrow is that it made me interested in the comic books. Expecting the comic book reboot to be similar to the Arrow series, I was very disappointed. Joel sums it up very well by saying Arrow is a lot more Batman Begins.

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@kellyskritters · 82 weeks ago

Can I watch this show with my 6yo twin boys?

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1 reply · active 82 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 82 weeks ago

There’s some sexual stuff, not much. Mostly its just a ton of violence that I wouldnt want my kid to ingest.

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Bruceski · 82 weeks ago

I’ve caught a couple of recent episodes, and have nicknames for the characters like “the ugly one because she’s a nerd in glasses” and “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Harvey Dent.”

ICBINHD may be a completely legit character from the comic, but he still feels like a cheap knock-off.

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3 replies · active 81 weeks ago

Bruceski · 82 weeks ago

that should be “the ugly one ONLY because she’s a nerd in glasses”

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merovin · 81 weeks ago

I don’t think they ever even hinted that Felicity is ugly. She’s just awkward.
Less the teen movie girl who takes off her glasses before prom and is suddenly gorgeous, more more Golden Retriever puppy still tripping over its feet.

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dralou · 81 weeks ago

Well, it would if Golden Retriever puppies could make unintended sexual innuendos in about every sentences…

But yeah, it never occured to me she was supposed to be “ugly BECAUSE she is a nerd and wears glasses”. Personally, I think she’s cuter/sexier than Laurel.

I’m happy to hear the second season is good too, I was kinda afraid it would go downhill pretty quick.

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King Zilch· 80 weeks ago

The moment that hooked me on Arrow came pretty early; when Diggle started to suspect that this spoiled rich kid who kept disappearing on him was actually up to something – and then Oliver trusted him enough to let him in on his secret identity. If it were Smallville, Diggle would have actually seen him and recognized him – then he would have gotten hit on the head and conveniently forget. Seriously, everyone on that show was suffering massive head trauma, all so they could adhere to the bullshit “no tights, no flights” rule.

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mouse · 80 weeks ago

I do hate the CW app, but discovered (for the android version anyway), that if I closed the app as soon as a commercial started and reopened it and hit play again, I could skip commercials. That made it much more enjoyable than watching it on the computer which had no way whatsoever to skip them and had a tendency to play the same old navy commetcial four times in a row every single commercial break.

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1 reply · active 80 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 80 weeks ago

I was streaming from my iPad to the Apple TV via Airplay and found that every time it went to commercial, or rather tried to come BACK from commercial Airplay would quit and the CW app would glitch to where I could not restart the episode without first starting a different episode then going back to the episode I was watching (it only saved my place about 50% of the time) then restarting airplay. It was a fucking ordeal.

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In The Not Too Distant Future

Joel — Mon, 18 Nov 2013 10:54:55 +0000

Did you miss my ComfyCon panel? Did you miss all of ComfyCon? Did you not know that ComfyCon was a free, online convention where many of your favorite online comics artists did live panels in their pajamas? Well, you can catch my panel, #PanelRoulette, archived here and check out the rest of the watchable goodies here.

Do you live in or around Austin, TX? Come see me and Dave from Cyanide & Happiness and Randy from Something*Positive at Wizard World Austin this weekend (Saturday and Sunday only). We’ll be at the Dragon’s Lair booth selling merch and doing sketches.

Are you somewhere between the age of 30 and 50? Then perhaps you remember the annual MST3K Turkey Day marathon. Well, guess what? I’ll tell you if you calm down! Are you calm? OK NOW FREAK OUT! It’s coming back this year! Joel Hodgson will be curating fan-favorite episodes suggested by you via his Twitter, online this thanksgiving RIGHT HERE. Now you have something to do besides stare silently across the meat-laden table at your horrible family!

If I was picking the episodes, and I was not limited to 6, I would say (in no particular order): Mitchell, Pod People, Touch Of Satan, Overdrawn At The Memory Bank, Alien From L.A., Time Chasers, Soul Taker, Space Mutiny, double feature of Invasion Of The Neptune Men (Space Chief) and Prince Of Space, Future War and Wild Rebels. I’m leaving out Manos: The Hands Of Fate because I only watch it every 5-10 years or so to preserve my will to live. Oh shit, also Jack Frost, Hobgoblins, and, perhaps most importantly, Final Sacrifice (Rowsdower saves us and he saves all the world. ROWSDOWER!).

COMMENTERS: First off, go ahead and add to my list of essential MST3K viewing or scrap it and create your own (less accurate) list.

Secondly, what piece of personal favorite geekery are you most enthusiastic about passing down to future generations?

Comments (61)

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Kirby · 82 weeks ago

She seems to be trying to apply the logic people use on shows now on shows from the past.

Nostalgia glasses are non-transferable… such a shame.

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@GeeksComicStrip · 82 weeks ago

I have to say, without an doubt, this is one of your most adorable strips, Joel. And, the addition of your wife and daughter to your strip is an inspired and genius move. They really bring a new level to the proceedings.

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1 reply · active 82 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 82 weeks ago

That’s really kind of you to say, and I appreciate the encouragement.

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Other Joel · 82 weeks ago

Your list is invalid without Werewolf. Other than that, you got it spot on

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1 reply · active 82 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 82 weeks ago

I know that’s a fan fav, but I believe it’s one of the ones I havent seen. THe good news is, there are still “new” episodes for me to enjoy.

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Mitch H. · 82 weeks ago

Not MST3K. I lived in a commune (ok, large student apartment with a crazy-open-door policy) where they *loved* themselves some MST3K. Damn show always put me to sleep. I ended up staving off sleeping in semi-public by trolling Usenet whenever they started in on the bad movies.

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1 reply · active 82 weeks ago

gabepuratekuta· 82 weeks ago

My only regret is that their version of Gamera is the only one on Netflix…

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King Zilch· 82 weeks ago

>add to my list of essential MST3K viewing

No, as long as Space Mutiny is on the list we’re good to go. Buff Drinklots! Butch Deadlift! Slab Squatthrust! Big McLargeHuge!

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4 replies · active 82 weeks ago

FuryOfFirestorm· 82 weeks ago

Don’t forget Blast Hardcheese!

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King Zilch· 82 weeks ago

Fridge Largemeat! Gristle McThornbody!

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Chris · 82 weeks ago

Bob Johnson!

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SmolderingMuffin · 82 weeks ago

Space Mutiny is, by far, my favorite MST3K episode. It’s beginning-to-end hilarious.

Fist Rockgroin!

“How DARE you insult my knowledge of ancient dentistry?!”

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Wack’d · 82 weeks ago

Hang on…you guys didn’t skip the theme song, did you? Because if she sat through the theme song she wouldn’t be asking this stuff.

Lessee…”The Day the Earth Froze”, “I Accuse My Parents”, “Pumaman”, “Monster A-Go-Go”, “The Brain that Wouldn’t Die”…beyond that I think you covered it.

As for what I’m gonna pass down to my kids, definitely this, “Doctor Who”, and “The Adventures of Pete and Pete”.

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1 reply · active 82 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 82 weeks ago

I think I was already watching “Final Sacrifice” on Netflix when they got home.

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manbeardman · 82 weeks ago

star trek the good one not the new crap ( i apologize if any one here liked the new crap )

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Rebecca Daniels · 82 weeks ago

I have SO MUCH LOVE for this strip! This is such a fine example of deftly weaving together the family stuff and the geeky stuff. Of course, that’s your life so I don’t know why I am even a little surprised. Well done, sir.

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1 reply · active 82 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 82 weeks ago

Thank you!

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@Hermetic · 82 weeks ago

The Brain That Wouldn’t Die
Pumaman
The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies (“Oh, and by the way SLEEEEEEEEEEP”)

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RandalFlagg · 82 weeks ago

Pretty much any of the “Gamera” movies

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@kellyskritters · 82 weeks ago

Thanks Joel, I’m glad to know I’m not alone in passing on my geekery to my children, and they, being the smartest things in the universe, usurp my plans with logic.

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@jujyfruit0 · 82 weeks ago

I respectfully add ‘Laser Blast’. It doesn’t seem to get nearly the love I hold for it, but it’s easily in my top 5.

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2 replies · active 82 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 82 weeks ago

Ive heard a lot of good things about this one, but I dont think I’ve seen it.

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@echolman · 82 weeks ago

Agreed, Laserblast is quite possibly my favorite episode. Devil Fish is another classic.

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furrbear· 82 weeks ago

I’ve never been a MST-ie, but as for what geekery I want to pass along…
http://freebabylon5.com/ – right there.

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BoldlyGettingThere · 82 weeks ago

I thought you were referring to yourself in the third person in the first panel. Oh, and are the Fancy Digital Sketches still being worked on?

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2 replies · active 82 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 82 weeks ago

Yes, they are. I am the worst.

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BoldlyGettingThere · 82 weeks ago

No Joel, you’re the best. You’re putting so much effort into the ones you’ve posted on your Tumblr I’m surprised you have time to make the comic.

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@AlyredTheEvil · 82 weeks ago

Oh, jeez… there’s SO many “good” ones.
Girl in Gold Boots (http://mst3k.wikia.com/wiki/Girl_in_Gold_Boots , Choice quote: “I spent 20 years making this map of their base” *unfolds 8.5×11 paper with 4 boxes drawn on it*)
Master Ninja (Starring Lee Van Cleef; first one is the best)
Santa Claus conquers the Martians
Hercules (where in one scene, you can see a nuclear power plant in the background, tire tracks from an ATV, and all the ancient greek ruins are… well, already ruins)
Also, anything by Robert Lippert (producer, Lost Continent, King Dinosaur) makes the long walking scenes in the Hobbit look like a short jaunt to the corner store.
There was also this nordic viking travesty… er, film, that was really hilarious. Forget the title of that one though.
Was really much more of a fan when Joel Hodgson and Trace Beaulieu were still fully in creative control; Mike was ok, but the series lost me once the entire cast was turned over and they tried to write a back story with the flying Winnebago and brain guy, etc.

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Steve · 82 weeks ago

WHO IS THIS STRANGER WITH PECS LIKE MELONS AND KNEES OF FRINGE??

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FuryOfFirestorm· 82 weeks ago

If I ever have kids, I’m passing down my Transformers collection to them.

Granted, since I’m a guy totally into the D, having kids isn’t very likely, but I can always adopt or do it the old-fashioned way *shudder*

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Steve · 82 weeks ago

In all honesty, the movie version of MST3K was probably one of the best MST3K forays there was. Only down side, no TV’s Frank. Still, Interociters aplenty, great laughs, terrific effects…they brought the A-game for the theatrical release. It was a shame what it turned into. But thousands of quotable lines and great movies made this one for the ages. Cave Dwellers, Mitchell, Pod People, Red Zone Cuba…and the shorts. Oh wow…the shorts.

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2 replies · active 82 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 82 weeks ago

The short about the coils is my favorite.

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Bruceski · 82 weeks ago

Ocassionally I say “nooooo springs!” and everyone looks at me weird.

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MrPlow99 · 82 weeks ago

I’ve already turned my friend’s daughter (she’s 8) into a Doctor Who fan. In fact, I’m going to visit them and watch the 50th Anniv. special with them.

I never watched MST3K regularly, but I recall Overdrawn at the Memory Bank and Puma Man.

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Blake · 82 weeks ago

No love for Cave Dwellers? That’s my absolute favourite! Who could forget such incredible lines as:

“Ohhh neat, she’s making gunpower out of her own filth. Ugh!”

or

“It is everything…and nothing.” “Uhh, could you be a little more vague please?”

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3 replies · active 82 weeks ago

Blake · 82 weeks ago

Nevermind… someone snuck some dwellers love in there. Awesome

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Steve · 82 weeks ago

They never killed a puppet that big before!

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@Hermetic · 82 weeks ago

‘STATELY WAYNE MANOR!’

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Larry · 82 weeks ago

Fugitive Alien.

“This is the song, written for the train chase,
This is the chase, Rocky and Ken,
He tried to kill me with a forklift!”

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Mark · 82 weeks ago

My wife has already introduced our kids. In fact “The Legend of Boggy Creek II” just finished in the back ground. I can’t wait until they are older to bust out “Ron & Stimpy” and Month python.

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FarrisGoldstein· 82 weeks ago

Those trees are loud.

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1 reply · active 82 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 82 weeks ago

Whatcha got there, Banjo?

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@DeFriendlyTroll · 82 weeks ago

I think the only thing I could add to this is probably “Giant Spider Invasion”, with possibly the worlds most unlikable cast of characters, its actually *more* comfortable to watch the spiders! And Girl in Gold boots- if not just for the strange, strange ‘pro vietnam war?’ meets ‘Seedy gogo girl dancing (but not actually stripping)’ plot, then certainly for the sketch where we finally see Crows legs in possibly the sauciest manner possible.

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Runcibletune · 82 weeks ago

I think panel three is a pretty adorable portrait of your family. Uh, not that I know your family… *clears throat nervously* You just look really happy.

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bionelly · 82 weeks ago

Nostalgia’s great and all, but it seems like I’m usually most enthusiastic (and my daughter’s most receptive) when I’m experiencing new stuff along with her. I suspect that’s why (much as I love them) Star Trek and Star Wars both fell kinda flat with her, but she is, if possible, an even bigger fan of Doctor Who and the Portal games than I am.

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Genera Zollinger · 82 weeks ago

I’m not big into MST3K so nothing to add there.

As for geekery we are passing down to our children, so far it’s a love of the Muppet Show, LOTR, Legos and Star Wars. And Indiana Jones. My oldest boy at 6 is intrigued by Doctor Who – all he really understands so far is, as he said, “The Doctor wins by thinking.”

And Batman. Ye Gods Batman. My eldest is often seen in a Batman cape running everywhere. We had a wonderful moment last summer when we were walking through the park and passed a kid in a Superman t shirt and cape.

“Hey Batman.”
“Hey Superman.”

And they just kept walking. Adorable.

~G. Zollinger

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maggie · 82 weeks ago

I agree – ANY Gamera. but also Santa Claus Conquers the Martians – best line ever was Crow telling Joel what he wants for Christmas: I wanna decide who lives and who dies.

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Evan · 82 weeks ago

You nailed it with Time Chasers and Soul Taker. Could there even be a Thanksgiving without Joe Estevez?!

I would add Werewolf and Merlin’s Mystical Shop, though…

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groklife · 82 weeks ago

I’ve got to go with adding “Werewolf” and “Parts: The Clonus Horror.” And “The Pumaman.” And “Gamera.”

Best line from “Werewolf”: “And you’re welcome to my Flagstaff, too, if you know what I mean…” Or is it, “Paul! You is a waerwelf!” Tough to call. Hilariously bad.

Parts, the movie that sued “The Island.”

Oh, and “Gamera…” Gamera is fun to eat, he is filled with turtle meat, we all love you Gameraaaaaa!”

“The pew-ma-man, flies like a moron!” Gut-buster, for sure!

Thanks for reminding me of all these funnies, Joel (and other commetors!)

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deleted819876· 82 weeks ago

I’ve got to go with adding “Werewolf” and “Parts: The Clonus Horror.” And “The Pumaman.” And “Gamera.”

Best line from “Werewolf”: “And you’re welcome to my Flagstaff, too, if you know what I mean…” Or is it, “Paul! You is a waerwelf!” Tough to call. Hilariously bad.

Parts, the movie that sued “The Island.”

Oh, and “Gamera…” Gamera is fun to eat, he is filled with turtle meat, we all love you Gameraaaaaa!”

“The pew-ma-man, flies like a moron!” Gut-buster, for sure!

Thanks for reminding me of all these funnies, Joel (and other commetors!)

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deleted819876· 82 weeks ago

Sorry for the double post.

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Roborat · 82 weeks ago

I love MT3K, however due to stupid distribution rules in Canada, I didn’t get to see many episodes. I did however, introduce my kids to Monty Python, to the point that we can watch Holy Grail with the sound off, and Doctor Who. Also made them fans of the Muppet Show, Dinosaurs, Animaniacs and Tiny Toons. Didn`t have much luck with Ultraman however, they refuse to watch it after the first episode I showed them. Can`t say I blame them.

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@MarkGuerra · 82 weeks ago

Animaniacs gets much love in this house.

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Tony · 82 weeks ago

I don’t have much MST3K experience (though if you need suggestions on how to approach its baby brother Rifftrax, I could probably help, though, that’s pretty simply “Start with the Twilight movies, then move onto the next most terrible movies you’ve ever heard of, and probably avoid movies that you actually like, not that they’ll make you hate them or anything, but that the Riffs will probably fall kinda flat. Battlefield Earth and Batman and Robin are tough to endure, even with Rifftrax, but they’re worth it.”)

As for passing on of geekery, I just decided that my 4 and 2-year-old second cousins (who are, for all intents and purposes, nieces) are getting at least Here Comes Science if not the rest of They Might Be Giants’ educational series of CDs (double-whammy of geekery, in that they’ll be getting CDs) for Christmas. It’s going to be tough to break the older one out of princess mode and into geek mode, but her little sister is ripe for being made into a geek.

And as soon as they’re old enough to not have to worry about choking hazards, I’m looking forward to introducing them to LEGO, and I’ll be damned if I let them see any of the new boxes that don’t have the alternate model pictures on them as if to say “You know, you don’t have to build the thing on the front. There are other possibilities in this box, as many as your little mind can conjure and your young motor skills can assemble…”

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Siirenias · 82 weeks ago

Spaceballs. The Fourth Doctor. Lord of the Rings. RPGs.

…
MUDs.

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alex · 82 weeks ago

And netflix just added 5 new ones to instant. They sense a change in the wind… that or have access to the streaming rights to the show as well as data indicating a sudden increase in google searches for “LA-LA-LA”

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Steve · 82 weeks ago

Hey Joel! How do you take your whiskey?!

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Iver · 82 weeks ago

When I was managing at the Music Store, I used to show the MST3K version of the short “Mr. B Natural” to my new employees once they’d finished their training as a “reward”…

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marchaux · 82 weeks ago

I can’t believe no one mentioned “Attack of the Leeches!” “He’s a mess… a CHOCOLATE mess!”

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Kaidah · 71 weeks ago

For MST3K, I would recommend ‘The Skydivers’. It’s a personal favorite and includes a short from 1956 on why boys should take shop class.
“Did the actors do their own skydiving?”
“No, the skydivers did thier own acting.”

I’ve already passed down some of my favorite bits of geekery to my sons: Star Wars, Lego (two great things that are great together!), Calvin and Hobbes (which helped my youngest develop his reading. I don’t care what my grandmother says, reading is reading.), Doctor Who, and a general love for all things sciency or science fictiony. My kids are awesome!

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@stinabeastie · 69 weeks ago

Space Mutiny is my favorite! And Overdrawn at the Memory Bank is my second favorite! And Mitchell is my third favorite!
Man, you got good taste.

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Breaking Bye

Joel — Mon, 30 Sep 2013 09:11:01 +0000

This is an unofficial Wheaton Comic Dare, seeing as how I was trying to think of a good way to eulogize perhaps the best show that has ever been produced for television when Wil suddenly tweeted the answer. You know a finale was powerful when you are still turning it over and over in your mind a week later. I’m going to wait a couple of weeks, then watch the final 3 episodes of Breaking Bad again. I don’t think I missed anything, but I would like to see how my perspective changes when I am not THIS close to hyperventilating the entire time.

I say Breaking Bad might be the best show of all time (and it just might), but I would be more accurate in saying it might be my favorite show… my favorite THING that I have ever watched on TV. The Battlestar Galactica mini series comes in at a very close second. It might even be a photo finish or a tie for first, but Breaking Bad managed to pull off five entire seasons that never wavered, never dipped in quality, never went off the rails, never betrayed the characters or the story and ALWAYS left me wanting more without having to resort to cheap sensationalism.

But, now that it’s over, I do not want any more. It was perfect. It wasn’t Purgatory all along, and no one turned out to be a magical space angel. It was a complete and completely enthralling story with a profoundly satisfying ending… BITCH.

We’re talking about Breaking Bad (including spoilers) over in the Fancy Bastard Facebook group if you’d like to get in on that action.

COMMENTERS: What show’s ending (untimely or otherwise) left the biggest hole in your geek soul? Which finale were you MOST satisfied with?

NEWS TYPE ITEMS:

I will be at New York Comic Con Next weekend (10/10) with Cyanide and Happiness at booth 2247!

UPDATE ON THE FANCY DIGITAL SKETCH DRIVE: If you are still waiting on your Fancy Digital Sketch, I am SUPER BACKLOGGED on these. I am very sorry it’s taking so long. Doing 50+ original pieces of finished art always sounds easy, until you agree to do it and take money for it. I am working through them, but if you need yours urgently, feel free to let me know via email.

Have you seen my wife’s Etsy store, “Science and Fiction?” Check out her Tetris earrings!

Comments (18)

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Ryan Cannon · 89 weeks ago

The two endings that had the biggest impacts on me was the ending of Star Trek Enterprise, which happens to be my favorite Star Trek. The second ending that had the biggest impact was the Voyager Finale, but that was probably the fact that it signaled an end to my Star Trek journey. My order is: ENT=VOY>DS9≥TNG>TOS

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2 replies · active 89 weeks ago

Tarah· 89 weeks ago

What is wrong with your brainpan, fellow Trekkie? It goes TNG=DS9>VOY>TOS>ENT (or as I like to call it, Star Trek 90210).

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Ryan Cannon · 89 weeks ago

I am perfectly fine.

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@madcanus · 89 weeks ago

“It wasn’t Purgatory all along”.

Oh Joel, please don’t tell me you are one of those people who just misunderstood Lost finale and hated it for it. I’m not advocating it for what it is but so many people hate it for what it isn’t.

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2 replies · active 89 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 89 weeks ago

I understood it perfectly, and while I might be generalizing for the sake of humor it was a completely bullshit cop out. The entire back half of that series was a god damn disaster. Just flailing around, aimless, pointless directionless nonsense.

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@madcanus · 89 weeks ago

Yeah, okay, I completely agree that after the end of season 3, it went downhill and the last season wasn’t good. I don’t hate it and actually still consider it as one of my favorite shows but I can definitely understand the disappointment.

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All-Purpose Guru· 89 weeks ago

Firefly. Now, don’t get me wrong, Serenity was a GREAT movie, and a fantastic ending to the series– but imagine the storyline of Serenity doled out in little 44 minute chunks over a five year period. The cliffhangers. The jokes. The carnage. The pain, the delicious delicious pain.

Imagine Wash getting impaled, Zoe saying, “Honey?”, and then getting SEE YOU NEXT SEASON.

So yeah, Firefly.

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Gretchen · 89 weeks ago

The show ended was I was a year old, so I’ve caught it all in syndication or on DVD, but the ending of M*A*S*H is still up there as my all-time favorite show ending. Funny, emotional, and – by turns – both uplifting and heartbreaking. Love it.

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1 reply · active 88 weeks ago

Zee · 88 weeks ago

Oh s***, same here. I forgot about the ending of M*A*S*H*. Definitely a very good ending.

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sicklittlemonky · 89 weeks ago

Angel, by far. I cried like a baby that night, and still cry every time I watch it. The ending was beautiful and epic and satisfying and heartbreaking. Now, I realize that I’m one of those crazies who take Whedon’s shows way too seriously, but the end of Angel was the end of an era for me. Makes me sad just thinking about it. And though you could argue that the show overall had its ups and downs, the finale, and the final season, we’re perhaps the highlight of the series.

Dammit. Now I’m going to have to watch it again.

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furrbear· 89 weeks ago

I’d have to say the endings that never got a chance to take place leave the biggest holes – e.g., Crusade, where we got part of a season of what should have been another 5-season story.

And while it invariably leaves me an emotional disaster area for several days afterward, “Sleeping in Light” from Babylon 5 is an incredible series ender.

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Bruceski · 89 weeks ago

There’s two endings that stick with me. One was Pretender, which had everyone in a subway tunnel which blew up, and then was cancelled before resolving it next season. The other is more recent, The Finder. I was one of about five people who actually liked that show so I’m not surprised it got canned, but they ended it on a “scattered to the four winds” note. One guy arrested and going insane, his friend disbarred, his girlfriend thrown off the force, the gypsy kid on the run instead of being forced to marry her may-as-well-be-a-brother… it was an hour long kick to the gut.

And after that Michael Clarke Duncan died. Even were he not an incredibly awesome person who deserved to stick around it also killed the tiny hope of some sort of reunion/resolution.

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hijinksensue· 89 weeks ago

Now that I’ve watched all of The 4400, i really wish it would have had at least a 2 hour tv movie to wrap up the plot.

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1 reply · active 88 weeks ago

seriously · 88 weeks ago

On the plus side, it did end with a kick-ass Pixies song.

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Hotsauce · 88 weeks ago

In fairness to Ron Moore, Head Six came right out and said that she was an angel sent to guide Baltar right in the middle of season 2. It was just such a stupid idea that nobody believed it.

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neph sy · 88 weeks ago

Battlestar Galactica did have the worst ending, I wanted to kick the tv screen in.
And I agree that Breaking Bad was perfect, unwavering with an ending that was succinct and right.
Maybe the real issue is fantastical shows like BG and Lost that have a group of writers who have to intrigue and amaze us, and get us thinking “what does that mean” “what the hell?”
So the writers come up with all sort of crazy crap that paints them into a corner that they have to write themselves out of. You have to know where the final destination is, to be able to drive the bus safely and get everyone there. Otherwise you end up crashed in some ditch, exhausted from the crazy side routes taken.

Compare this to the Sopranos and Breaking Bad – the writers KNEW how they wanted it to end. These shows were based in today’s reality, so there wasn’t a bunch of weird stuff going on to draw people in and stroke their imaginations. What was pulling us in was the lives and character development of a small group of characters, and some solid plot lines.
Since I’m not a writer I don’t know what’s harder to write. But these types of shows are certainly different and it seems like horror and sci-fi writers can have good exciting ideas, that they have a hard time executing into a story that is satisfying in it’s end conclusion and resolution.

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1 reply · active 86 weeks ago

W. Alex Plageman · 86 weeks ago

This is why you don’t put magic/divinity in a sci-fi story, nor magic with no rules in a a fantasy story.

I’m not suggesting beating us over the head with ‘rules of the universe’ but just firmly establishing them and then not ignoring them later to add intrigue.

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Xero · 84 weeks ago

breaking bad is the prequil to the walking dead

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Agents Of Staying Hopeful In Event of Lackluster Developments

Joel — Wed, 25 Sep 2013 21:34:01 +0000

“PORTA JOHN SMITH” SHIRTS ARE UP AT SHARKSPLODE!!!

The big giant mega blowout HE Store sale is over, and we are putting the final touches on the new HE store which will soon live HERE.

Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. Spoilers to follow!!!
I don’t think I liked the pilot of Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. There, I said it. In fact, I’m pretty sure the only thing I actually did like about it was Clark Gregg as Phil Coulson (which was sort of a given). But wasn’t the whole show supposed to be a given? Wasn’t this a geek no-brainer? Like, no matter what: Whedon(s) + Coulson + super hero stuff + spy stuff + Marvel universe = A thing that all geeks will love until the coming of Galactus? I don’t know. It just didn’t hit for me in any of the areas I expected it to, or hoped it would.

Characters: Coulson – Great. Just great. I love Clark Gregg as Coulson and I want to see more of him all the time. Also, he’s probably still all or mostly dead.
Ward: Pretty guy. Delivers lines about being a by the book bad ass, but doesn’t seem to believe them. I hope he gets better.
Fitz/Simmons: Whedon demands a Willow. Willow was great and got greater. Topher (Dollhouse) was a better Willow than Willow. Fitz/Simmons are a lesser Topher, further divided by being incased inside of two different people who serve the function of one character. Not sure about these two. I will either love them by mid season or pray for their deaths.
Skye: Whedon has cast another Dushku. This does not bode well.
Dr. Shepard Book: Hey! It’s Shepard Book! As a doctor!

Story: What is even going on here? S.H.I.E.L.D. was this massive organization with a Hellicarrier and tons of foot soldiers and Quinjets and all these resources and now it seems to be a small government agency run out of a small government building and a large airplane that spends most of it’s time on the ground being an office. I don’t remember them establishing that Coulson was putting together a special unit or a tiny team that would carry out certain missions of importance. It seems like he’s just randomly recruiting new people to… keep doing what S.H.I.E.L.D. already does (police the activities of super heroes booth good and evil/protect regular dummies from knowing so much that they can’t get through their regular dummy lives). I needed a mission imperative or an event that creating a new team would be a response to. They hinted that The Battle Of New York (The Avengers) was an escalation point, but I didn’t see it as the impetus for “Getting Super Serious” and gathering new talent. Maybe I missed something.

Things are further complicated/confused by the fact that Skye reveals herself to be the villain/organization/terror threat they are fighting/seeking out in the beginning of the episode, The Rising Tide. Then they sort of ignore this and recruit her for S.H.I.E.L.D. for her l33t hax0ring skillz. This is where my comprehension of the story totally jumps ship. She already KNOWS what S.H.I.E.L.D. is and isn’t her whole purpose to BRING THEM DOWN?! To prevent them from keeping people from knowing the truth about super heroes? Doesn’t she make this abundantly clear? Don’t they catch her in the act of doing this? Coulson doesn’t say, “Work for us or go to that prison hole from Batman 3 for the rest of your life.” He just ignores everything and invites her to sign up for fun times in a flying car.

Then the whole, “They used everything we know from The Avengers and Iron Man 3 (super solider serum, gamma radiation, alient metal, Extremis) mixed together to make a super hero,” plot line just rubbed me the wrong way. Just seemed like a lazy tie in to the movies and an easy way to blow there “How are we going to get more super heroes/villains?” wad for the whole season in the first hour.

Writing: The pilot felt like a script that had too many rewrites and ended up with a lot of incongruous elements. The humorous moments were all Coulson’s and seemed like Whedon did punch up on a script that he didn’t write (though he does have a writing credit).

Acting: Too early to judge. Clark Gregg is great, but you already knew that. Everyone else seems SUPER green. J. August Richards seemed out of his element. Again, like a guy that knew the words he was supposed to say, but didn’t believe them. The more the “Centipede/super serum/Extremis/whatever” takes over, the less believable his performance becomes. Baby Dushku is… baby Dushku. Ward seems like a blank slate. At most I expect he will be inoffensive.

Bottom Line: I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE ANY MORE! Maybe I’m too old, or maybe my tastes have changed too much since the last time Whedon had a TV show I really loved. I didn’t care for Iron Man 3, but I loved Iron Man 2 (the one EVERYONE hates), and I wouldn’t loose any sleep if Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. didn’t have a second episode. I found it unfocused and boring. What is wrong with me?

COMMENTERS: What did you think of Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D? Mild spoilers are OK.

PACMAN NECKLACE! WAKA-WAKA-WAKA-WAKA-WAKA…

This is my wife’s birthday week! Celebrate it by buying yourself a present from her Etsy store “Science and Fiction.” Check out her her latest geeky creation, a Pacman inspired necklace!

Comments (63)

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Kschenke · 90 weeks ago

I liked the majority of the pilot, but yes it wasn’t necessarily mindblowing. The plot was a little jumbled, but I thought it set up the characters well enough considering we’ve only met two of them before. Plus it’s an action show with three women of various skills in a team of six, so that’s a good thing in my mind. I’ve seen weaker pilots for better shows, so I’m at least up for the next few episodes to see how the momentum builds. Also the “With Great Power” and “Journey into Mystery” references made me happy.

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@occono · 90 weeks ago

Network interference.

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1 reply · active 90 weeks ago

@occono · 90 weeks ago

Actually, bad way to put it. It’s not so much censored as it is trying to appease too many higher ups at once, so nothing particularly special could happen.

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@ErinGarvey4 · 90 weeks ago

I felt like they were tying really hard to set up a lot of future plot lines. Hopefully it will evolve as it goes on. The JiM reference made me eternally happy, enough to watch a few more mediocre episodes.

Also, Iron Man 2 was awesome!

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@DakkaKnight · 90 weeks ago

It seems like the pilot was written for a mass audience more than for Marvel fans. That means that they need to overexplain things about the setup rather than jumping in head first and taking us along for the ride. There’s a good chance that things will pickup in a few episodes, since the writers won’t be having studio executive over their shoulders constantly.

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@Cyraknoss · 90 weeks ago

I think one really really important thing to question is: Did you really really love those old Whedon shows on only their pilot? I know I didn’t. Buffy, Dollhouse, even Firefly didn’t sell me till I’d watched 3-4 episodes and got to know the characters. I cannot think of a single Whedon show that I legitimately loved off the pilot episode alone. So when SHIELD didn’t turn out to be a black hole that would forever pull in and contain my geek love, I wasn’t worried.

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5 replies · active 89 weeks ago

Dave · 90 weeks ago

Depends, do you mean “Serenity” or “The Train Job”? I saw “Serenity” first, as Whedon intended, and fell in love immediately. I can’t say how I would have received the show as it aired. I’d say I liked the Dollhouse pilot better than this one.

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hijinksensue· 90 weeks ago

Good question. Other than Firefly I probably never saw a Whedon show starting with the pilot. Buffy I came in at season 3, and Angel doesnt count because we already knew all the characters.

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@philurich · 90 weeks ago

What about Dollhouse? My copies of the first two books just came today and I was reminded of Dollhouse being pretty lackluster at first; you mention in the book that the first 6 episodes were directionless and unexciting, which I’m pretty sure we can all agree on (I think the directionlessness and unexciting…ness lingered and recurred sporadically for some time after that, personally, and that the show only really found focus once they knew it was cancelled).

I guess you probably *did* watch them from the pilot onwards, but they just made so little impact you don’t recall

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Bruceski · 90 weeks ago

Firefly got me with the first episode, but I saw it in college as part of a marathon so it was soon followed by others. Dollhouse felt like excessive scenes of Dushku being sexy but the meat of the episode grabbed me, then I lost interest around episode 5 or so (apparently it got better, but it just felt too muddy). Buffy and Angel were never my thing, I liked some bits but wouldn’t tune in.

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earlleonardmusicforkids· 89 weeks ago

Yeah, pilots are nearly always info dumps. Buffy had a few good gags in the first couple of eps, but took half a season to hit it’s stride and didn’t iron out character inconsistencies until s3 (and then started making new ones after that). i thought SHELD ep 2 was an improvement (albeit with the pretty darn unoriginal `team bonds’ plot) so/but i’m willing to wait & see

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Gregory Lynn · 90 weeks ago

I loved it.

Also, Willow is the Willowest Willow, so while Topher is awesome and all, he’s not a better Willow, because Willow.

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hijinksensue· 90 weeks ago

What about Fred. She’s a pretty great Willow. Considering she eventually becomes an Old God, she might be the best Willow.

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Dave · 90 weeks ago

Ugh, I have to agree. The pilot was painful. At one point I turned to my wife, both of us fairly quiet through the first 20 minutes and said “Boy… they’re really trying WAY too hard aren’t they?”

This Sky character… I absolutely cannot get behind. During the interrogation scene Wife says “Oh no… she’s going to be a regular isn’t she?”

If I have to hear one more time “I did XYZ with a laptop” I’m going to scream.

The only characters that don’t seem like cardboard cut outs are Coulson and Mel. The rest? Throwaways at best, annoying as hell at worst.

I would like to second the question “What happened to the organization that has the resources we saw in the Avengers?” I get that you can’t show that on TV, so show me WHY this group is smaller.

Just… Yuck. Here’s hoping it’s all just a bad case of pilotitis.

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5 replies · active 90 weeks ago

Dave · 90 weeks ago

Elaboration: There was not one moment… NOT ONE… as simple as Jayne kneeling down to look in on poor gut-shot Kaylee. Just a simple moment like that to give a character some personality and depth. Never happened once in SHIELD.

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hijinksensue· 90 weeks ago

Exactly. The reason they arent in the Helicarrier is because it would cost a hundred million an episode, but have Coulson say “Im creating an special team to blah blah blah and we arent operating out of the Helicarrier because the Avengers are there and they need to think Im dead or this team needs to function as a splinter cell or WHATEVER.” They can still do this, but it needed to be in the pilot. Skye annoys me like Dushku annoys me and that’s because she’s all looks and attitude and no substance.

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hijinksensue· 90 weeks ago

Oh and regarding Ming-Na, I love her. I really hope they do a lot with her character. She didnt have two lines in the pilot so I actually forgot her when writing my review.

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Bruceski · 90 weeks ago

Are we supposed to know what her character IS from past movies? I get “used to do that crap, doesn’t anymore” but the whole time it felt like there was something I was supposed to know that I’d missed.

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MrSueDenim· 90 weeks ago

Nope – they’ve set her up as someone who’s big in SHIELD but not in the wider universe, just laying the foundations for a big character arc.

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Kirby · 90 weeks ago

I really liked it. It didn’t really flow that well together, but it did seem like they were trying to set up lots and lots of plots at once, which led it to be disjointed.

Coulson’s comment about the one agent’s family seems like it’s trying to set him up as some kind of son of a mafia don or something like that.

Who is Skye, really?

Why doesn’t this agent want to do field work?

Hill’s comment about Coulson.

Centipede seems like they’re trying to lay the groundwork for a Mr. Fix/Tinkerer character to serve as an overall villain, with someone trying to learn how Extremis and other things work.

Other than that, I think they’re trying to bring it in as this is the quick in and out team. He did say he was putting together his own team, but I don’t think they really gave a particular reason. Probably kind of a quick and quiet response team.

I think we’ll probably come back to the whole Red Dawn things. In the beginning I think she sees them as this big government conspiracy set to keep people in the dark and maybe starts to see things in a different light as things progress? Maybe it’s a buried lead? I on’t really know.

But I loved it, and I think it might be worth seeing how it progresses.

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gabepuratekuta· 90 weeks ago

I agree. Especially if they delve into why Agent Mey was reassigned to a desk

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DuckAmuck · 89 weeks ago

Yeah, I pretty well freaking loved it too. I thought “This is SO Wheedon.”

“She drew.. I think it’s a poo. With knives sticking out of it.”

Agent Coulson – YES! (set up for more What’s Behind the Curtain He Thinks is Tahiti.)
Cobie Smulders – YES! YES! Love her. Love her. Not wasted on not meeting someone’s mother now.
Ming Na – YES! YES! YES! Wasn’t expecting that one. Set up for her back story.
Fitz & Simmons – YES! YES! AND YES! I just hope they can not talk quite so fast so I can better understand what they’re saying – but YES!

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EvilJorge · 90 weeks ago

Joel, just accept that you don’t really like anything that doesn’t have an Apple icon on it and move on. It’s fine. We don’t think less of you or anything.

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hijinksensue· 90 weeks ago

With regards to television series, that really doesn’t come close to making sense.

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thelogos · 90 weeks ago

I didn’t hate it. But, compare it with the first episode of Firefly and how the characters in the latter were fleshed out. It didn’t good job (in fact, I’d say it was crap) of showing why “Rising Tide” was ebil. They made the group out to be like Wikileaks (/political) which is fine by me, screw the patronizing “We to need to keep secrets from you proles” (/political). I give it a “meh and a half”.

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Huttj509 · 90 weeks ago

See, I didn’t get the vibe that Rising Tide was SUPPOSED to be “evil.”

“People need to know what’s going on! I want to know what’s going on! Don’t hide reality from me, I mean us!”

“Hey, come with us, we could use your skills, you get to be on the front lines of what’s going on, cause that’s what you really want, and as a bonus, you get to see some situations where it’s probably better the public DOESN’T know about it, and thus stop spreading secrets willy nilly.”

Yes, SHIELD could probably back off hiding things behind the curtain, but indiscriminate information spewing can do more harm, especially since it gives info not just to the public, but to the actual bad guys.

“A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it.”

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Huttj509 · 90 weeks ago

To clarify, I don’t think RT’s just Skye. I think she’s a prominent/key piece in their infogathering, but I don’t think she’s supposed to be the entirety.

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earlleonardmusicforkids· 89 weeks ago

isn’t `rising tide’ supposed to be a wikileaks/anonymous analogue? They think they’re the good guys themselves, but not everyone (and especially not those in government) agree? Good on em for trying to have some kind of depth to motivations. One thing i love about the MU is the various organisations that variously work with or against each other depending on whatevs.

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Candace · 90 weeks ago

I was not super-impressed with the S.H.I. E.L.D. pilot, either. I agree that it was derivative and lacked cohesion. Also, I wanted Skye to die so hard within about five minutes after she came on-screen. I’m disappointed she was still alive at the end of the episode and appears to be intended to become a regular character. I’m willing to give it a chance, though, because, Whedon.

I have actually enjoyed all the Iron Man movies, although I did like 3 better than 2.

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FuryOfFirestorm· 90 weeks ago

The pilot got a resounding “eh” from me. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t the SUPERFANTASTICMEGAAWESOMEBETTERTHANSEXBESTSHOWEVAR! that every blog and magazine was hyping it to be.

I’m still going to give it a chance because even Buffy took a few episodes to get into the groove.

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hijinksensue· 90 weeks ago

Season 1 of Buffy is all pretty rough. It’s good that it’s short. Season 2 picks up the pace and quality pretty quick.

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the captain · 90 weeks ago

How can you ignore Ming-Na Wen? I felt like there was a lot of “meh” in the episode as a whole, but Ming-Na’s bored attitude and hinted-at troubled history (with authority?) is what I want to see more of. Coulson is good at doing more Coulson. I think Skye looks like a combination of Aubrey Plaza and Summer Glau, and gives off a similar air. I hope Book has a lot of tiny cameos and that Ming-Na gets to beat up a lot of people. Actually, I would watch this show just for the latter. I don’t know; there’s something about getting so used to someone’s voice in your childhood that sticks with you.

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hijinksensue· 90 weeks ago

I actually did forget about Ming-Na because she had so little to do/say in the first episode. I loved her in SG:U. I really hope they do a lot with her character in this.

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Bruceski · 90 weeks ago

The show got a solid “meh” from me but we’ll see if it finds its groove and if that’s a groove I like. Most of my comments echo stuff above me, but I will say that I liked the “throw every origin story in a blender and see what happens” nature of Scorpion. It feels like what real people would do if they had access to that stuff (which, since it’s the Marvel universe, probably involves throwing a rock and hitting a secret archive).

I didn’t like the “working for some other shadowy organization” thing though, if you have the organization to be a big secret force then just handing everything you’ve got to a doctor to inject into people seems… a bit blase. If one person gets ahold of that stuff I can see them being crazy with it but if it’s doled out it doesn’t work for me. If they make these guys into a black market “we’ll sell anything to anyone who has the money and if they blow their hands off with it it’s not our problem” instead of the currently-implied sinister agenda I’ll like them a lot more.

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Bruceski · 90 weeks ago

To work on my comment a bit more, Scorpion feels like someone playing with a new toy. Since the doc got it from someone else if it was a “we want you to weaponize this” it feels irresponsible to put all the tech they obtained in one place and not develop them independently.

When I heard about this show I expected a bit of a monster-of-the-week. Investigating a cluster of cases of gamma radiation sickness in one, some Asgardian artifact (not world-ending but “how did it get here and are there more”) turning up in a pawn shop in another episode. Dealing with some new supers who have no idea how it happened (“Have you always been able to teleport?” “I dunno, I never tried before last week.”), that kind of thing. For that kind of approach to things though, Scorpion feels like something to end a season with rather than begin it.

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gabepuratekuta· 90 weeks ago

Scorpion? I thought it was called Centipede

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Bruceski · 90 weeks ago

Blargh, you’re right. I should just start calling it a different bug every time on purpose, I’ll feel less silly when someone points it out.

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@JonS253 · 90 weeks ago

Actually, the way they handled Cockroach seemed like an AIM joint. Those guys don’t seem to much care whether or not they *understand* something, as long as they’re under the impression it *works*.

The whole setup kind of put me in mind of the SCP Foundation. The Foundation seeks to contain and understand those parts of the world too weird or dangerous for the general public; they have other groups that are usually opposed but sometimes work with them, like the Global Occult Coalition (that wants to destroy all the weirdness) and the Serpent’s Hand (that wants to *use* all the weirdness, and if it destroys the world in the process, oh well). So Rising Tide would be the Serpent’s Hand to SHIELD’s Foundation. Or something like that.

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hijinksensue· 90 weeks ago

The Biggest Unanswered Questions from the Agents of SHIELD Pilot
http://io9.com/the-biggest-unanswered-questions-f…

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1 reply · active 90 weeks ago

Huttj509 · 90 weeks ago

Why does a superhacker have to steal someone’s driver’s license? She didn’t. She wasn’t expecting to be rebuffed, and when she was, the license was easy.

“Well, I could go hack the DMV to find his address, but that would take 5 minutes, including the walk to the van. Why bother?”

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Neil · 90 weeks ago

So I take it your forgetting/ignoring Melinda May sums up your opinion of that character.

I’m hoping the problems here are the teething troubles you get in a lot of pilots. As long as it’s better than Enounter At Farpoint there’s always hope.

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@sarge_smith · 90 weeks ago

I think that a lot of people are over looking all the setup that happened in the Marvel one shots. The movie/tv universe got filled out a bit in those and while they referenced in the pilot, they didn’t redo any of that exposition. Like how S.H.I.E.L.D. needs smaller response teams because the number of threats on their screens have exploded in recent times. Or how they have brought in outside tech guys who got their start on the wrong side working with chituri tech, some amount of which is still in the wind.

They really should have shot a two hour premiere to give themselves enough room to explain the operating parameters, and since they didn’t, I would expect that will take three or four episodes to cover the same ground. But all the One-shots were good… I think the universe is going to be pretty solid and the team (once they become one) will have a lot of that spy-ee clean up that used to grace the pages of the comic book.

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@BigNed · 90 weeks ago

Wrote a long insightful comment. Then logged in w/ Twitter to post. Everything erased.

HeaddeskHeaddeskHeaddesk

Short version – I think this is meant for a younger audience (Disney show about a Disney property on a Disney network) as it is being aired early primetime opposite The Voice. My 3.75 year old liked it and didn’t have tons and tons of questions. Serious fans might feel “prequelled” but I think Disney is aiming for broader appeal.

I see this as Marvel NCIS and I like some of the ways they tweak that genre. Ward admits he’s shallow and insecure (which accounts for why you don’t believe him – he doesn’t believe himself), Coulson chooses complete trust and disclosure over intimidation. My expectations are that it will be my favorite procedural drama but it won’t be revolutionary.

As for the premise for why Coulson is putting together the team, I took away from the pilot that they were there to handle jobs that could not be kept out of the public eye. They are the “face” of S.H.I.E.L.D., so to speak.

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@JonS253 · 90 weeks ago

Protip: If you find you’ve typed a long post before logging in, copy the post. Then when you log in, you can paste it back into the window.

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brigidkeely· 90 weeks ago

I pretty much agree with your assessment.

I thought the recycled explodey super powers theme was weak (although I liked the visual of how it was implemented, on his arm). I was really put off by the brainy pair. They just seem super cliched. I didn’t get the plot line with the super hacker woman who lives in a van, either. She’s… against them? But she’s… working for them now? Maybe? Will she betray them? Will she not? Why wouldn’t she? I just… I don’t know?

My husband’s been looking forward to this show for a long time, and set it up to DVR. He came home from work and even though it was late and he was tired (He regularly works 12+ hour shifts and gets up at 5am to get to work on time) he still wanted to watch it instead of saving it for the weekend. He wound up playing Candy Crush and only half paying attention to the show.

A friend of mine pointed out that Whedon pilots are always pretty weak and the shows don’t usually hit their stride for a few episodes which seems incredibly wrong to me. I mean, the pilot is supposed to capture attention. How can you make ti weak? What’s wrong with you as a writer/director/etc if you consistently pump out weak pilots? IDK.

I wasn’t impressed by this show, will check in a few times more, but will probably end up just watching with my husband while actually reading a book or playing computer games.

Which is frustrating. I’m in general a fan of Whedon and am an old school Marvel fan and have liked the recent movies quite a bit. And then this? I wasn’t expecting The Best Show In The History Of Ever, but if the highest note for me is Ron Glass something is wrong. I mean, Ron Glass is great and all, I’m not trying to diss him and his career, but still.

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hijinksensue· 90 weeks ago

“He wound up playing Candy Crush and only half paying attention to the show. ”

This is also my wife’s measure of quality.

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@kellyskritters · 90 weeks ago

As one of those general public fans I liked it a lot and really look forward to watching every week. There are very few shows I watch, and this definitely will be one of them.

The small group is Level 7, kinda like the MiB I suppose.

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4 replies · active 78 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 90 weeks ago

Did they make the level 7 thing clear? I need to watch it again.

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@JonS253 · 90 weeks ago

“Do you know what happened to Agent Coulson?”

“I’m cleared for Level 6. I know Coulson was killed in action before the Battle of New York.”

(Coulson steps out of the dark corner) “Welcome to Level 7. (pause) Sorry, it’s really dark in that corner, I couldn’t help myself. I think there’s a lightbulb out.”

Later, someone asks if the Avengers know what happened to Coulson. The only reply is, “They’re not cleared for Level 7.”

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hijinksensue· 89 weeks ago

I remember all of that, but “Level 7” just seems like a high level of clearance to me. Not an elite task force.

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mist · 78 weeks ago

I think it “goes to 11”

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@WayneBasta · 90 weeks ago

I found myself feeling very similar. I wasn’t expecting to be wowed as its a pilot and can’t be awesome as Avengers was. And I wasn’t super into Firefly or Dollhouse after their first episodes either. But I just kind of was “meh” at the end. I plan to give it several episodes but so far it hasn’t pulled me in.

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Tom · 90 weeks ago

I’m very surprised by the comments here. My wife and I have been Joss Whedon fans for a long time (since Buffy started, back when we were a lot younger) and were big fans of the Marvel films. We both really liked the pilot and are excited to see where it goes from here. I actually really liked Agent Ward, it made sense to me that Coulson would recuit Skye, and I totally called the method by which Coulson got Skye to trust them enough to at least help them find the “hooded hero.”

In short, we both thought it was solid, and I really don’t understand all of the criticism.

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@philurich · 90 weeks ago

I thought it had huge holes, was overly cutesy, and tried too hard to fit things into a specific procedural/gang-of-misfits-on-their-own box. And also I was grinning widely about half the time.

Mostly I suspect that without someone like Tim Minear, Joss Whedon just doesn’t get much of an edge. It’s just pure fun, but it isn’t anything *more* than that, unfortunately. It’s probably unfair to expect a show about superheroes to be grounded, but it seemed to me like the fundamental issue was in fact its lack of grounding. But it’s quite possible that it’ll get better, and it was easily enjoyable enough as comic book style wit that I’ll stick with it.

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hijinksensue· 90 weeks ago

“Mostly I suspect that without someone like Tim Minear, Joss Whedon just doesn’t get much of an edge.”

You might have the answer right there. Very interesting.

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Bruceski · 89 weeks ago

All of the above still holds for me, but today’s episode? THIS is what I wanted. Yay.

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2 replies · active 89 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 89 weeks ago

Id agree it’s an improvement. Still the writing and characterizations are very flat. Everyone seems to say everything they are thinking.

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Bruceski · 89 weeks ago

Yeah. It felt like it was intended to be the premiere episode, they kept restating things from last time.

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planetliz· 89 weeks ago

I literally started jumping up and down in my chair when I saw Shepard Book appear. And Coulson’s first lines had me laughing out loud. I really liked the Pilot, and I can see much greater things happening.

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Hotsauce · 89 weeks ago

I really enjoyed it. I felt like they had to work hard to establish SHIELD as essentially a global NSA, during a time when the NSA is really looking like the bad guys. Hence the trope reversal with the truth serum. “I know you think we’re the bad guys, and it’s really not unreasonable to think that, so here’s proof that we have nothing to hide about who we are.” I also don’t think they really established Rising Tide as the bad guys, and I don’t think they intended to. Just like SHIELD is “the NSA, if it were run by people you could actually trust”, Rising Tide is “Anonymous, with the hint that it’s being manipulated by people you shouldn’t trust.”
It seems to me that it’s Whedon’s return to a monster-of-the-week ensemble show, and I’m optimistic. Does nobody remember how extremely cheesy season 1 of Buffy was?

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Mitt · 89 weeks ago

Generic Whedon show with predictable Whedon jokes. That schtick was cool and interesting when it was new on Buffy, but that was 20 years ago. Whedon’s act is just stale.
The acting was pretty bad too. That my be because of the bad writing. Ming Na Wen was the only one eve trying.

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mist · 78 weeks ago

Out of the new season I find I’m looking forward to the SHIELD stuff. It’s small enough to be friendly, the Whedon0-esque billion plot subline thing is confusing and will weaken the show, but make for a better story over all. Hoping he keeps away from the Whedon cliches (super girl, super tech expert) and concentrates on the world, the people, the story. I find the tech-twins a bit annoying, and strongly suspect one (or both) of them is going to make the “pull team together” sacrifice to be replaced by a single uber techy. I think they’re supposed to be kind young and hyper but they just come across as immature, and much of their tech stuff can just be “starttrekked” (buzzword and faked props) away. They’re interesting characters but very shallow.

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1 reply · active 78 weeks ago

mist · 78 weeks ago

Just to show I’m not just being a whiny dick – What I’d love to see connected to the SHIELD show is a Fitz&Simmons offical website/webinar connected to the show.

A lot of the geeky tech is cool and the pseudo babble works as a plot device, simply because exposition into what makes things tick would kill the story momentum – yet the geeks would love to poor through the designs and inventions and crazy ideas. Stuff that can be done online without disturbing the online flow of the show.

It could even be used as an open-source skunkworks platform for “Whedon-SHIELD” development. Writers could put up “real world” (ie story) devices and situ-reports, (just the tech side) and say “we need Agents to be able to scan in real time and transmit holographically” F&S & team, lets brainstorm some solutions. Then whatever fits the story best could be used on show…and to get your tech buzz without F&S having to sound hollow with pseudo-babble, they have an following coming up with good sounding ideas.

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Breaking Todd

Joel — Sun, 15 Sep 2013 09:07:20 +0000

The BIGGEST MERCH SALE I HAVE EVER DONE ENDS THIS WEEK (9/21/13)! GO NOW to the HE STORE $10 Books! $9 Shirts!

Apologies to non-Breaking Bad fans, both for your inability to understand this comic and for your questionable life choices.

It takes a special kind of psychopath to stand out from the crowd on a show like Breaking Bad, which is essentially STAFFED by monsters, murderers and human personifications of the abstract concept of evil. But then there’s Todd.

Todd is perhaps the most frightening monster ever introduced on Breaking Bad. His motivations for murder aren’t greed or thirst for power or… ANYTHING. It’s just something to do. Something he’s seen his entire life and something that sometimes just needs to be done. He’s Patrick Bateman without the charisma. “No offense, but I’m murdering you right now. There. You’re dead. Ok, I gotta go. I’m supposed to help my uncle with some white power stuff.” That shit is stone cold real deal broken murder brain type shit. I’m starting to wonder if this whole series has been Todd’s story and we just don’t know it yet.

COMMENTERS: Whether you watch Breaking Bad or not, you are probably going to be murdered by Todd. It’s just a statistical inevitability. I have been told that the actor who plays Todd was some dumb football player on Friday Night Lights. What other actors have surprised you by going from an innocuous role to a murderous one?

Thanks to @scottberry for inspiring the alt-text for this one.

NOTE: The Mobile Alt Text button broke when I put the big store sale banner in the site. As soon as the sale is over I will put the button back.

Have you seen my wife’s latest geeky jewelry creation? DNA Necklaces!

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Bean · 92 weeks ago

Heath Ledgerrrrrrr.

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@daverensing · 91 weeks ago

Ai ai To’dd F’tagn

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@TheArtimus · 91 weeks ago

Seeing MIchael C Hall go from playing David FIsher on ‘Six Feet Under’ to the lead on ‘Dexter’ was quite jarring.

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Bill Murphy · 91 weeks ago

Macaulay Culkin in The Good Son.
He was the only reason I went to go see it. To see the “Home Alone” kid being evil was fantastic!

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hijinksensue· 91 weeks ago

Yeah he was sufficiently terrifying in that.

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@kellyskritters · 91 weeks ago

I know this brings to mind cute little Gordie Lachance growing up to be none other than Floyd Hansen owner of the Crest Cottages motel making banana pancakes.

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1 reply · active 91 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 91 weeks ago

They’re actually the same character. Gordie was never OK after that summer.

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LazyDolphin· 91 weeks ago

I hear the dad from Malcom in the Middle went on to tackle a much darker role. . .

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1 reply · active 91 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 91 weeks ago

Im not familiar.

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Jason· 91 weeks ago

“… a show like Breaking Bad, which is essentially STAFFED by monsters, murderers and human personifications of the abstract concept of evil.”

And that right there is why I have absolutely zero interest in watching Breaking Bad, no matter how good everyone says it is. I know (judging by today’s media) I’m in the minority here, but I really don’t enjoy watching people be horrible, to themselves or to each other, or just generally acting like shitty human beings. It also means I have no interest in 90% of what passes for comedy these days either.

Anyway, sorry, I’ll get off this soapbox now.

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@lunamoth42 · 91 weeks ago

I started out not wanting to watch it because the lead character has “incurable cancer”* and well, so do I and why the hell do I want to watch that on TV?

As the series continued and I heard more about it, it morphed into “people are horrible to each other? And this is entertaining? Yeah fuck that.” So, you’re not alone.

* I put that in scare quotes because there’s new discoveries made every day and people beat the odds all the time. /end positive note

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hijinksensue· 91 weeks ago

I read an article about a kid with cancer who was a huge fan of Breaking Bad and eventually became friends with Bryan Cranston (or at least pen pals). The weird thing was the reason he identified with the show was that Walter “took charge” of his life when he got cancer and refused to let the disease determine his fate. I won’t begrudge anyone with cancer something that makes them feel better or have the strength to survive, but I cant help feeling this kid COMPLETELY missed the point of the show. Beyond his willingness to survive, there is NOTHING about Walter White that should be emulated or looked up to my ANYONE. Cranston sent him a signed photo that said something like “When you can’t find the strength to go on, ask yourself What would Walter White do?” He seemed to leave out the part about “Then do the EXACT OPPOSITE.”

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@lunamoth42 · 91 weeks ago

Yeah I sometimes joke that, if it gets really bad, I’ll go on some wild road trip breaking all sorts of laws, but it’s only ever a joke. Be remembered for the good you did in the world, right?

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Mitch H. · 91 weeks ago

Jesse Plemons played a *very smart* football player – Landry – to the point where his motivation for having joined the team was really poorly justified. It wasn’t as if he was a particularly talented player, either. He was just the Cinderella-trope quarterback’s top-of-his-class nerd sidekick who just drifted into playing football because that’s how you become a character on Friday Night Lights. I think he ended up drifting from defense into kicking. And then there’s the time Landry beat a rapist to death with a length of pipe…

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hijinksensue· 91 weeks ago

To be fair, I’ve never seen FNL. I’m sure he’s very smart and talented.

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Bruceski · 91 weeks ago

I’ve been watching old episodes of Mission Impossible and I think I’ve seen William Shatner show up as three different bad guys (also Sulu as a biochemist and Spock as a main cast character for a couple of seasons). Law and Order is also a good place to see familiar faces play criminal psychopaths.

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lou · 91 weeks ago

Imagine how people felt when they saw Christian Bale, child star of “Empire of the Sun” and “Newsies”, grow up to take the role of Patrick Bateman in “American Psycho”.
I’d like to add Mark Hamill going from Luke Skywalker to The Joker in Batman: The Animated Series and the Arkham games.

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Bruceski · 91 weeks ago

The voice I have no problem with (since he’;s an amazing voice actor), but the first time I saw a video of Hamill doing the voice in public… yeah, total cognitive dissonance. I understand why he prefers to keep it behind the screen.

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LazyDolphin· 91 weeks ago

Here’s another good one — I haven’t seen the full movie, but Michael Cera in the trailer for MAGIC MAGIC is about the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elU_AlgW6Lw

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@Syddalee · 91 weeks ago

David Hyde Pierce in the movie The Perfect Host. …Which, from the title, sounds like the perfect role for the guy who played Frasier’s even dorkier brother for years… [[[[[SPOILER AHEAD]]]]
***********

until the schizophrenic murder game party starts. For the record, he’s an amazing actor and does a fantastic job with the role.

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hijinksensue· 91 weeks ago

Todd from ‘Breaking Bad’: I’m an Ambush Predator

Read more: http://www.rollingstone.com/movies/news/todd-from…

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Stupido Comics · 90 weeks ago

Oh you mean ‘Breaking Bad’ isn’t the sequel of ‘How I met your mother’, in which the guy tells his kids how he broke up with their mother? Damn! I know nothing of TV programming!

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iObject

Joel — Sat, 14 Sep 2013 08:26:24 +0000

The BIGGEST MERCH SALE I HAVE EVER DONE ENDS THIS WEEK (9/21/13)! GO NOW to the HE STORE $10 Books! $9 Shirts!

A guy is suing apple because he has to pay for each half of season 5 of Breaking Bad separately, and because he has nowhere to be, nothing to do, no one important in his life and an unlimited supply of money that he was just going to shovel into a furnace anyway. I believe his argument rests on the definition of what exactly a “season” is and how it relates to something called a “season pass.” Paying for “season 5” should entitle him to all episodes of the 5th season of the show, but what’s wrong with doing things the old fashioned way and just getting pissed and pirating the other episodes? You know, like our grandparents did back in The Great Depression? There’s no reason to get lawyers and the media involved, when there is vigilante pirate justice available just a few clicks away.

My guess is the “season” was determined by the network/producers of the show based on how they will eventually sell it on DVD/Bluray, and not by Apple. The right thing to do would be for Apple and the producers to reach an agreement to sell the season in the same fashion they have sold previous “seasons,” regardless of how the show was aired or how it will be sold in hard copy. The right thing would also be for the litigious dude in question to jump up his own cramhole.

COMMENTERS: What do you think about this split season iTunes double-dipping? Justifiable outrage on the part of a swindled consumer, or clerical error that shouldn’t result in a ridiculous lawsuit?

NOTE: The Mobile Alt Text button broke when I put the big store sale banner in the site. As soon as the sale is over I will put the button back.

Have you seen my wife’s latest geeky jewelry creation? DNA Necklaces!

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@jujyfruit0 · 92 weeks ago

My favorite part of Lo Fi Jinks might be Joel’s tiny fists of indignation.

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@gmcalpin · 91 weeks ago

People are so goddamn stupid. I get Breaking Bad through iTunes, and I have to admit, I was a little confused when I saw “Season 6” show up… but you STILL saved money over buying each episode individually — it was clear as soon as I saw “Season 6/The Final Season” that was AMC’s intention all along… not selling it at less than half the cost of any previous season.

Also, any time I see people bitching about “Apple” when they should be bitching about AMC or whatever company is actually responsible for how things go into the iTunes Store, I just want to murder.

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@kellyskritters · 91 weeks ago

I wait until it’s all over, then buy the special limited edition box set. As for apple, after the failure of my lightning data cable this weekend while I was camping in the middle of nowhere, I have given them my last red cent ever.

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@loki1978de · 91 weeks ago

coincidentally, I saw today on amazon.de that the all in one box Blu Rays
either in vanilla or as the gift set (with the discs in a cute barrel and a Pollos Hermanos apron) can already be pre-ordered. And it comes already end of November. That is smoking fast.
I have a huge backlog of BB to watch anyways, but may not start before December at all. So I can already delete my Great Depression archive and free some disc space

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StephC · 91 weeks ago

This comic and the Alt text in particular express why I left my last job. Too many rich accountants bitching over a price increase of $50 for software that they can use to charge their clients $200 for using. They took it out on the front line customer service reps like they made the price list.

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Stupido Comics · 90 weeks ago

You mean Shell Corporation is suing Apple Inc.? I’d be…

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J’accuse!

Joel — Mon, 19 Aug 2013 08:39:16 +0000

I will be at Fan Expo Canada in Toronto this weekend with Blind Ferret and Randy Milholland of of Something*Positive. I will be at booth #844. More info HERE.

Sorry for the lack of comics last week. School starts for Kiddo next week, so last week I took my family on a road trip to San Antonio. Kiddo’s never really had a proper vacation, so spending some family time together before she’s only with us a few hours a day for 9 months was important. I brought the Surface Pro and managed to get one come and one Lofi done, but Sea World kicked my ass. The drive from San Antonio to Austin, a little rest, then the follow up drive back to Dallas wiped me out. The good news is I have 3 comics and 2 Lofi’s ready to go for this week. Please to enjoy the continuation of this storyline.

In the same way sports fans act like their choice of shirts, caps and foam fingers influence the outcome of the game, we geeks (many of whom ARE actually sports fans… weird…) do tend to internalize the stories, characters and fates of our favorite shows. Geekery is rarely a passive act. Our curse is that we typically seek an active roll in the outcome of events that we can’t actually hope to influence. To satiate this need to participate we often seek to expand the universes of the things we love into new directions, new activities and new sub-fandoms that we can actually have an effect on.

I firmly believe this need arrises from equal parts love and selfishness. Or perhaps I mean self-centeredness. Is there a way of saying that without sounding so negative, because I really don’t mean to. It’s that we love a thing so much, so hard that we NEED it to meet our unreasonably high expectations. We need it to be at least as smart as our own head-fiction in order to continue loving it as hard as we do. It’s sort of a vicious cycle. Still, the need to own something, to posses it, embody it and act as an emissary for it to others seems somewhat selfish. I guess my point is that the average Rizzoli and Isles fan doesn’t get too worked up over Rizzoli or Isles. They probably don’t work for weeks on their Isles costume so that it’s perfect for RizzIslCon. They probably don’t… who the hell am I kidding? Rizzoliheads are probably some of the biggest geeks in the world.

COMMENTERS: When have you felt you most “contributed” to your fandom of choice? Was it introducing a new fan, writing fan-fiction, cosplaying at a con, organizing a themed event, or just screaming at the screen until the producers listened to your grand vision?

ANOTHER THING!

Check out these Tetris earrings my wife made!

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@muinamir · 95 weeks ago

A decade before internet campaigns were common I orchestrated a fan-based grand scheme/trolling campaign to get a musician into People Magazine’s 50 Most Beautiful List, succeeded in spite of myself, and helped launch his career in a new and kind of weird direction. After all these years he may have finally forgiven me.

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hijinksensue· 95 weeks ago

Who was it?

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@muinamir · 95 weeks ago

*cough* http://www.joshuabell.com/

So, back in 1999 before people realized what a bad idea online polls are, People Magazine did an online poll asking who their viewers would pick for their 50 Most Beautiful list. This was of course immediately flooded by a lot of boy-band names and whatnot. I had just taken the reins as moderator for an unofficial Joshua Bell fan board, and I decided to abuse my newfound power by directing everyone to flood the poll with votes for Bell, for the lulz. We never made it to the top 100 in the results, but someone, somewhere, got wind of all this… not sure if his PR people saw it and decided to reach out to People, or if People was keeping track of the list, but shortly after the poll closed Bell appeared in a small side article in the magazine. He was now on their radar. The next year, he actually made their official list. That was about the time he was starting to attract fans outside of the usual classical music circles, and it (unfortunately!) set the tone for new levels of fannishness in the fandom.

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@muinamir · 95 weeks ago

Also, I’m revisiting new Dr. Who in order and having just finished the Martha arc I’m not sure I’d trust the writers to handle a non-white Doctor gracefully. That would require research to correctly identify the cultural attitudes towards race of the past-Earth settings he’d be dropping in on, and some better sensitivity to the legacy of those attitudes in present-Earth settings. If they ever break out of the mold, I suspect it’ll be to move to a white female Doctor or an androgynous/ungendered one.

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meagankn · 95 weeks ago

TILDA SWINTON? That’s what you mean, right? Because I’d watch the shit out of that.

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@muinamir · 95 weeks ago

Oh yeah, she’s like the go-to example of how it can be done.

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Hotsauce · 95 weeks ago

I’d rather have minorites written ungracefully then have the current status quo of minorities being practically nonexistent.

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@kellyskritters · 95 weeks ago

Introducing my 5yo twins to, well everything… comic books, star wars, legos, star trek, bttf, vintage video games… when they embrace my love for all things geekery I am one proud Papa. One is a trekkie, the other a fanboy and I couldn’t be happier!

Soon we’ll visit our first con together, which sadly will also be my first con ever.

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Bruceski · 95 weeks ago

When Terry Pratchett announced he had Alzheimer’s, I organized some folks here in Portland to fold and send a thousand origami turtles. Never heard back about that, I hope they arrived okay.

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@DakkaKnight · 95 weeks ago

Every time I can make a Battletech writer/designer cringe when they ask what could go wrong with a rule change I’m proud of myself. It doesn’t happen often, but I enjoy making the game a better and more terrifying experience for everyone.

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@efin98 · 95 weeks ago

The writers will write what they want, they actors will act the way they want. The netowkrs only care about viewers, the producers only care about costs, the director only cares about making the show to fit his vision.

Any changes to the show were done by them, not the viewers. The scripts are written months in advance, the shows taped months in advance, the acting done months in advance- the only real impact you have is whether you actually watch the show or not, whether you buy the show’s dvd/blu ray or not.

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David S. · 95 weeks ago

I have the exact opposite effect: any show I seem to get into gets cancelled, so I realized if i were ever to campaign to influence a show, I may just get it cancelled that much faster!

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1 reply · active 95 weeks ago

Bruceski · 95 weeks ago

I constantly make the mistake of watching the first season of shows on NBC. Nothing gets a second season. That said, the reason is often because a lot of them are “neat idea for a miniseries, but you guys had no idea what to do with it for a whole season.” My Own Worst Enemy, for example. Guy has artificially-created multiple personalities to be a spy with an unbreakable cover, then they start flip-flopping when not supposed to? Clever idea, I can think of about six episodes’ worth of stuff before you run out.

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Pitching Puns

Joel — Tue, 13 Aug 2013 05:23:30 +0000

COMMENTERS: Please pitch your own Breaking Bad “sPUNoffs.”

The 2013 DIGITAL FANCY SKETCH DRIVE is still going through the end of this week! Check out the details and order yours HERE.

MY WIFE KEEPS MAKING AWESOME STUFF! My wife has a super cool, ultra geeky jewelry shop on Etsy. You can see her Tetris necklace andt the just announced Harry Potter inspired Quidditch necklace. Check out dat Quaffle!

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benthorp· 96 weeks ago

Surely the time is right for the Star Trek slash-fic rom-com – “Bonking Borg”?

Or perhaps, in these times of financial austerity, a look at life at the bottom of the financial ladder, where every loaf counts: “Banking Bread”?

Or a remake of the Monkees, charting life as an up and coming music group – “Breaking Band”?

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psuedoname · 96 weeks ago

Brad Pitt goes on a series of rollercoasters after a big meal – Barfing Brad

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Weaselspoon · 96 weeks ago

An evil genius has hoisted an entire German spa town onto wheels and it is rapidly accelerating towards the Swiss. To prevent the outbreak of war, our hero is going to have to do all he can to stop it. Coming this fall: Braking Baden-Baden

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Giffy · 96 weeks ago

There’s a bloody war among the rams and ewes, and finally, through all the turmoil, out arises the new monarch: Great King Baa.

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James · 96 weeks ago

An 80 year old grandmother, is forced to reexamine her life when her entire small town gets dysentery … there’s only one way she knows to stop the impending shit storm. This fall, granny’s got the cure: Baking Bran

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DeadRobot · 96 weeks ago

Van Helsing comes to America to discover a massive vampire colony in LA. Catch “Staking Vlad” next on Fox!

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mokatz · 96 weeks ago

The Swedish Chef: Borking Bork. (Bork!)

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Nathan deGargoyle · 96 weeks ago

Will Shakespear’s new cookery show – Baking Bard.
I’ll get me coat – Taxi!

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Benjamin Mansfield · 96 weeks ago

A trendy new trend breaks out this fall as trees begin to drop their leaves. Make sure to tune into Raking Fad.

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Benjamin Mansfield · 96 weeks ago

Winter is coming!! Tune into HBO’s Game of Thrones spinoff throwback to the founders of House Stark – Brrr!! Aching Back!!

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Mcecny · 96 weeks ago

Cesar Millans new reality show on training attack dogs – Barking Mad!

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tzeentchling· 96 weeks ago

Sesame Street has fallen on hard times. To get by, Big Bird has to take up a hard hat and join the local construction company. Bricking Bird!

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@joescreenwriter · 96 weeks ago

Walt Jr. discovers his father’s evil ways and runs off to the scrapyard. There, he builds a prototype replacement father. MAKING DAD, this Fall.

Giving up his life of crime, Jesse completes a degree in chemical engineering and takes a job performing controversial natural gas recovery. Watch FRACKING GRAD, Thursdays on AMC.

In a shocking twist, Walt reveals that he has been on a deep undercover assignment for the DEA and Hank. His tale is told in the new web series FAKING BAD.

Walt and Jesse give up cooking meth and go on the run to New York City. They rent a small apartment, where they perform comedy skits. This Spring, enjoy YUCKING PAD.

After his robot dad fails to impress, Walt Jr. runs away to the airport and catches a flight to China. However, an accident in space/time hurls him into the past. Alone, Jr. must learn to survive on the mean streets of the Chinese capital in 1983 as the PEKING LAD. (this one got away from me…)

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@BigNed · 96 weeks ago

A down-on-their-luck little league team starts selling meth to raise money for new uniforms and equipment; this fall follow the cute and disturbing antics of BREAKING BAD NEWS BEARS

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Gemma · 94 weeks ago

Nice necklace. It should go really well with my new breaking bad shirt.

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Daemnor · 26 weeks ago

“Bunking Bald”

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Passive. Aggressive.

Joel — Fri, 09 Aug 2013 10:28:18 +0000

The HijiNKS ENSUE Store is all new looking and such, and all ladies shirts are $5 off!

I have dreamed a dream, but now that dream is gone from me. It’s hard not to take it personally when you have such a specific plan for your favorite geeky movie or show and it seems like Hollywood or the BBC or the Universe in general just isn’t paying attention to that plan. It’s even worse when you find out how close the Universe’s plan was to your own. It’s worse when you find out out you could have had it all.

COMMENTERS: When I was a kid we were rarely privy to information such as casting rumors. Hell, we were rarely privy to information at all by today’s standards. What ill-fated casting rumor did you most hope was true? What geeky movie or show suffered from the worst casting? The best?

The 2013 DIGITAL FANCY SKETCH DRIVE is still going through the end of next week! Check out the details and order yours HERE.

MY WIFE KEEPS MAKING AWESOME STUFF! My wife has also started making super cool, ultra geeky jewelry on Etsy. You can see her Tetris necklace and more geeky creations in her shop, but she just announced her Harry Potter inspired Quidditch necklace. Check out dat Quaffle!

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@MandarbZA · 96 weeks ago

Wondering what “Let Moffat” can translate to. “Let shit happen”? “what will be will be”?
I don’t really worry about who get’s cast, usually willing to see what an actor can bring to a character, even if they’re not the usual choice.
Dr Who is a fringe case though, you know that there is someone new coming, and with such a rich history, you can’t help bringing to bear the change you want to see in the world reflect there.
I’m not sure I’m making a lot of sense there.

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3 replies · active 96 weeks ago

benthorp· 96 weeks ago

He’s riffing on the “Let go and let God” slogan.

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Bruceski · 96 weeks ago

“Ain’t no law that says a dog can’t be a timelord.” — Air Bud 12, as told by Rifftrax Live.

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@CX316 · 96 weeks ago

To be fair, you’d have to do a pretty terrible job to become the worst Doctor… I mean, c’mon… Six and Eight.

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TheWatcher · 96 weeks ago

Isn’t “rooting for a black doctor” just as bad as rooting for a white doctor?

Can’t we just hope that part is cast well, regardless of skin colour?

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16 replies · active 96 weeks ago

@BigNed · 96 weeks ago

When there has never been one before? It’s not remotely the same.

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TheWatcher · 96 weeks ago

Irrelevant. Just because there hasn’t yet been one does not make having one preferable *if* there is someone better for the part.

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hijinksensue· 96 weeks ago

Breaking racial barriers is important whether its in sports, politics or entertainment. Also the “if there’s someone better for the job” is an old argument that’s been used by “I’m not racist, but I’m just sayin’l racists for years.

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@besbev · 96 weeks ago

I tried to upvote your comment but my phone disagreed. Very sorry for the unintentional downvote.

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MichaelH · 96 weeks ago

It’s still odd everyone wanting a black or female doctor to be written by a white male. Shouldn’t we be wishing for the next showrunner/head writer to be the black/female (or both) who would in turn produce the diversity needed? It worked with the previous gay showrunner who opened the door to Doctor Who happily including characters of any sexuality desired.

While it’s nice Moffat has entertained widening the role, it’s also good that in the end he’s choosing to write the Doctor he knows rather than trying to force a new aspect of the Doctor just for the sake of it.

And the next showrunner is possibly the (respectful) campaign to wage now. After all, Davies was getting ready to leave and we didn’t even know it by about now!

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UnderTheDark · 96 weeks ago

You know what, you make a fantastic point. I would be SO much more excited to hear about a new, non-misogynistic/”color-blind” show runner… if you think that women and minorities are under-represented IN FRONT of the camera, well Mississippi-godDAMN take a look behind!

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@CX316 · 96 weeks ago

Well, really, Davies just got us Captain Jack. Moffat’s the one who just started sticking gay characters in at random as if they were, gasp, just part of everyday life.

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TheWatcher · 96 weeks ago

I would be nice to see a black doctor, but saying I’m “rooting” for it seems to me to be going to far…

I really hope the show-runners are colour-blind both ways when casting. I’m sure that they have a vision of what the doctor should be and frankly I’d be disgusted if that vision includes a race. (And in fact, we know it doesn’t. Since a black man has been offered the part before.)

If a white guy got the job over a black guy because they think he’ll be a better doctor – that better fits how they want to develop the character – so be it. The same goes for age, sex – whatever.

“Also the “if there’s someone better for the job” is an old argument that’s been used by “I’m not racist, but I’m just sayin’l racists for years.”

It’s funny, because I’m black. (Well, my mother is anyway.) But come on. Attack my argument, fair enough. But don’t use it as an excuse to lump me in with those assholes.

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TheWatcher · 96 weeks ago

I mean if you were just rooting for Chiwetel Ejiofor, I could understand it more. Chiwetel Ejiofor is fucking awesome.

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@CX316 · 96 weeks ago

Ejiofor was on my wishlist along with Fry, Laurie and Pegg…. was probably the most likely of the four

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thevoxpopuli· 96 weeks ago

It’s not just that they’re black, I think Cheesewheel and Idris would both be friggin awesome at the gig. But it’s not about wanting “Black” or “white” it’s about wanting “different”. Asian, woman or ginger would be cool too. though not an asian woman ginger. That might be weird.

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@DoctorAvenue · 96 weeks ago

Believe it or not, I actually know a ginger Asian woman. Freckles and everything.

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thevoxpopuli· 96 weeks ago

Does she have a British accent? Gender, race and folcile-bending I’ll wholeheartedly endorse, but I’ll not have my doctors be other than British.

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@daverensing · 96 weeks ago

I know a black ginger girl. You have to look very closely at her hair.

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@CX316 · 96 weeks ago

All that makes me think of is Cloud Atlas when they put makeup on the Korean actress to make her a ginger with green eyes….

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Hotsauce · 96 weeks ago

As I said on the last comic, there is no one “best actor” for any role. Acting is pretty much the only profession where a black woman who nailed her audition for the Power Rangers can be told she didn’t get the role because “we already have a black actor”. So it’s naive to the border of incredulity to say “color doesn’t matter as long as it’s the best actor” whenever “someone who isn’t white” is mentioned as a casting possibility.

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Bill Murphy · 96 weeks ago

Dukes of Hazard.
When Coy and Vance joined the show. No, at least they were acknowledged to not be Bo and Luke. But C’MON!
Love the word Alcoholabetes by the way.

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Ron · 96 weeks ago

I was dreading Heath Ledger as the Joker. All I could picture was Ten Things I Hate about you. It was going to be horrible. Then I watched it. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Since then I don’t judge who gets cast for whatever role.

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1 reply · active 96 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 96 weeks ago

I had never seen his previous works, but I was similarly skeptical. Holy shit was I wrong.

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Paul · 96 weeks ago

Used to love the show Sliders, especially with the original cast. I was not the least bit perturbed when they replaced Sabrina Lloyd as the token female/love interest with Kari Wuhrer. I was, however, a bit annoyed when they replace Jerry O’Connell with his lesser brother, Charlie. The dynamic was completely obliterated and the show lost a lot of something, including me as a viewer after a few episodes.

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4 replies · active 96 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 96 weeks ago

I caught a really late in the series episode one night about a month ago and the entire cast has been replaced (more than once over) and only Rembrandt was left. Charlie O’ wasn’t even there. It was some other random dude who apparently was a shitty clone of Quinn or something.

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gabepuratekuta· 96 weeks ago

That was the last season when Jerry focused on directing. The finale was anticlimactic, too

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@CX316 · 96 weeks ago

Sliders went anticlimactic? How the hell do you go from randomness, to interdimensional nazi invasions and then somehow crash and burn from that point?

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gabepuratekuta· 96 weeks ago

I suggest you watch the finale to find out

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sarahindie· 96 weeks ago

Richard Ayoade. Would have been brilliant. So much of a long shot that it was fun to think about. But Neil Gaiman says that he knows a black actor who was offered the Doctor and turned it down.

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1 reply · active 96 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 96 weeks ago

That would have been bananapants awesome.

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DuckAmuck · 96 weeks ago

I just want a maple bacon vodka pancake batter smoothie.
It seems everything would be fine if I had one of those…

What if I went crazy and made PANCAKES out of it! Oh, the awesomeness…

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1 reply · active 96 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 96 weeks ago

So, being that you have free will, i suggest you start collecting ingredients.

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Zach · 96 weeks ago

I don’t know who decided Topher Grace should be Venom, but they deserve nothing less than being thrown in Sarlacc’s pit.

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4 replies · active 96 weeks ago

@Hermetic · 96 weeks ago

Worse…force them to watch Spiderman 3.

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Canadian Spider-Man · 96 weeks ago

Topher Grace should have been Peter Parker. Tobey McGuire was completely miscast. During That 70s Show, I swore he would make the PERFECT Peter, and then the Spider-Man movies happened, and Tobey was an emotionless robot. And then they finally get Topher, but he’s Eddie Brock..

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Bruceski · 96 weeks ago

When I went to see Gatsby my main comment was “how come when Tobey Maguire is shy and awkward it’s painful, but when DiCaprio does the same kind of thing it’s endearing?” The answer of course is “because one of them’s a good actor.”

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@CX316 · 96 weeks ago

I’m hoping Amazing Spider-Man 3 kicks RaImi in the teeth by showing how Venom SHOULD be done. You just can’t do venom justice with the campy style of the 2000’s Spider-man films.

I just really want a good DARK venom story preferably leading into one hell of a dark Carnage storyline. Too much to ask? (especially since we’re not even getting Green Goblin till at least the third film at this rate)

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@Hermetic · 96 weeks ago

Enter text right here!

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moffattbooks· 96 weeks ago

I think it was definitely different back in the day before the Internet…we would just watch the show, take what we got and either kept watching or stopped.

I remember reading about Lucas’s 9 Star Wars plan, being all excited and then wondering if we were ever going to get Episodes I-III.

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HikingViking · 96 weeks ago

I think the best fantasy movie casting I’ve ever really noticed was Julie Walters being cast as Molly Weasley. After watching her play Mrs. Wilkinson, I couldn’t imagine a better actress to play someone so fiercely protective and maternal. But honestly, I think her acting chops (along with many of the actors and actresses in the franchise) had their talents wasted – or at least not utilized to the fullest. Alan Rickman being a very notable exception. At the other end of the spectrum, the worst casting ever was Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt being cast in Interview With the Vampire.

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3 replies · active 96 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 96 weeks ago

That whole series is full of just sublime casting choices. Hagrid, Snape, pretty much all of the teachers… just fantastic.

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Stonemaven · 96 weeks ago

Re Interview:
I read the book as a kid and always pictured Sting (circa Dune) as Louis and Rutger Hauer (circa Ladyhawk) as Lestat and maybe Mathew Broderick as Armand. If it had been made into a movie back then at the time, it would have been perfect. I was horrified when Pitt and Cruise were announced even though my ideal actors were too old by that time.

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@loki1978de · 96 weeks ago

and indeed Rutger Hauer was before Anne’s inner eye, when she wrote her books

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Liam · 96 weeks ago

I had heard that Patrick Stewart was rumored to play Mr. Freeze in ‘Batman and Robin’. I was hoping that it was him instead of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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4 replies · active 96 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 96 weeks ago

in retrospect, arent you glad it wasnt him?

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Liam · 96 weeks ago

Considering how “Batman and Robin” turned out yes I’m glad but at the time I was disappointed because I think Patrick Stewart could be a good Mr. Freeze.

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Siirenias · 96 weeks ago

Just imagining it is giving me waking nightmares. I must wash Batman and Robin from my mind.

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@CX316 · 96 weeks ago

I don’t think there’s anything anyone could have done to save that pile of crap… I personally dislike the first two batman films too (Burton is a hack) but I think the rest of humanity can agree on razing Batman Forever and Batman & Robin to the ground along with Superman 3 and 4.

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bucketofarrows · 96 weeks ago

Nathan Fillion as Nathan Drake. He even said he wanted the role. When I heard it was Wahlberg and the weird direction they were going I died a little inside and then felt relieved when the whole thing got scrapped.

HikingViking, another exception was Maggie Smith I thought.

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1 reply · active 96 weeks ago

@CX316 · 96 weeks ago

Because casting Mark Wahlberg as video game characters worked so well previously… #Ican’tbelieveIactuallypaidtoseeMaxPayneatthecinema

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@efin98 · 96 weeks ago

chiwetel ejiofor turned down the role before, and they ended up with Matt Smith as the 11th Doctor… http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2386…

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@d_s_designs · 96 weeks ago

I recall reading initial casting rumors for the X-Men movies back in the early 90s from “Wizard” Magazine (do they still do those wish-lists?). The two that struck my young geek-wood were Glen Danzig as Wolverine (which would be perfect- he was short, furry and buff as all hell) and Patrick Stewart as Professor X (which would be perfect- he was bald, intellectual and bald).

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Ali · 96 weeks ago

I was hoping for David Tennant as Thranduil, honestly, back in like 2010 when Hobbit casting rumors were first floating around. And I was pleased by the Nimoy as Smaug casting rumor, but far more pleased by the reality of Cumbersmaug.

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groklife · 96 weeks ago

Late 80’s/early 90’s: I was so ready for Pierce Brosnan to be Agent 007.
Instead, we got Timothy Dalton. Nothing wrong with Timothy Dalton, but HE WASN’T Pierce Brosnan!

Of course, then I got Pierce Brosnan. Be careful what you wish for. I thought he was crap in his four Bond movies.

Daniel Craig is fantastic, imho.

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Hotsauce · 96 weeks ago

In the early 90s, rumor had it that Robert DeNiro was being cast as Wolverine. I could not and can not imagine it.

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Liam · 96 weeks ago

Here is a good one. Nicolas Cage as Superman.

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Siirenias · 96 weeks ago

Mr. T is still alive. That recent A-Team movie should have had him as Mr. T! I don’t care if he has aged; it should have been.

I don’t really know enough to figure out how to get in on the casting rumor mill, though.

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2 replies · active 96 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 96 weeks ago

He has NOT aged. He is ageless.

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The Unknown FB · 96 weeks ago

Enough of your jibber-jabber…Mr. T is a closeted Time Lord!
He pities those who fool with his TARDIS!

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Tony · 96 weeks ago

There was a rumor that Christopher Eccleston was going to find his way into Game of Thrones (I want to say as Balon Greyjoy, but I could be mistaken), and this was right after my second time watching his run as the Doctor (you know, the time after you’ve seen the Tennant years and the beginning of Smith’s run, and you’re rewatching everything and you realize how much more brilliant Eccleston’s Doctor was than you initially gave him credit for), and I was excited to see him doing anything, but especially something as cocainesque as Game of Thrones. Sure, even he probably couldn’t have saved Balon Greyjoy from the massively petty stupid that Georgr R. R. Martin originally imbued the character with (seriously, what the fuck is the point of invading the North when the Lannisters probably can’t afford to thoroughly defend the wealthiest castles in the country from the sea because two of the people that want to claim their Iron Throne are like two days’ sail from attacking the capital?), but it doesn’t change the fact that I would really love to see Mr. Eccleston on screen again in something I’m going to watch…

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2 replies · active 96 weeks ago

njmckay· 96 weeks ago

Eccleston is fantastic! It would have been awesome to see him in Game of Thrones! But he will be in Thor 2! So don’t give up on him.

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Kirby · 96 weeks ago

People really don’t give Eccleston’s doctor enough credit. Of the three, “modern” doctors he’s probably my favorite.

I was squeeing my little fanboy brain out when I heard that Matt Smith wanted to do a crossover between them. <3 I so so very very disappointed that it never happened. *crosses fingers* Another 5 doctors, another five doctors

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Bubbalouey · 96 weeks ago

Erm… Didn’t you only just start watching doctor who last year?

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2 replies · active 96 weeks ago

lou · 96 weeks ago

I think he’s been mainlining old episodes in between seasons.

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hijinksensue· 96 weeks ago

Who me? Nope. Late 2010. http://hijinksensue.com/2011/01/03/the-blue-box-b…

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Canadian Spider-Man · 96 weeks ago

I was hoping for an older man to play the Doctor. Skin color didn’t matter. I got what I wanted!

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hijinksensue· 96 weeks ago

OH GOD IT GETS WORSE. http://www.themarysue.com/bill-nighy-doctor-who/

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1 reply · active 96 weeks ago

Bruceski · 96 weeks ago

Now I’m imagining Bill Nye as The Doctor. Someone would ask “how are the Daleks doing this” and he’d get halfway through an explanation full of props and sound effects before they got killed because they forgot to run.

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meagankn · 96 weeks ago

THAT NECKLACE! GIVE IT TO ME FOR TO PUT ON MY NECKLACE PLACE! I’m throwing all my dollars in a vaguely Southeastern direction which means, given a good head wind, they should reach you from Seattle in about a week. Then necklace, please? Yes. Thanks. `

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njmckay· 96 weeks ago

I think i remember hearing Coin Firth wanting to be a villain in Doctor Who. I could be mistaken here but he said something that he wanted to play a bad guy.

As for the new casting of the Doctor, I’m excited that they’ve gone back to a mature actor, I saw some of Tom Baker’s Doctor and he was brilliant in that! But I get that people want something different, i myself am tired of the love struck companions and would love to see an alien companion for a change.

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Bruceski · 96 weeks ago

When I was a kid I think every year we had a new rumor about an Ender’s Game movie with various people in various roles. This was back when the internet was AOL and I didn’t have political awareness, so it was possible to actually enjoy an Orson Scott Card book without feeling slimy.

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Kirby · 96 weeks ago

Green Lantern’s hasn’t been brought up in here? Interesting.

I like Ryan Reynolds. He might not be in a lot of the best movies, but I don’t think he was right for… well, any of the human lanterns I can think of off the top of my head. At least he should have been a -funny- character. Flash, for example.

It’s kind of like having a movie with Bane and casting a muscle bound hulk as Mr. Freeze instead.

You all know what I’m talking about.

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@CX316 · 96 weeks ago

It’s not so much a casting thing… but back when Voyager was wrapping up, and Trek had been on a downhill slant rather rapidly since DS9 ended and took the good writing with it, there was a heavy rumour going around the Paramount chatlines and the internet at random that the next Trek series was going to be focused on Worf’s son Alexander trying to fit in with a crew of real Klingons on some epic quest.

Woulda been better than Enterprise.

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Chaucer59 · 95 weeks ago

Some of Enterprise was excellent. As long as they were just filling in back story, it was fine. Where they went to hell was in adding whole empires of aliens we’d never seen in Star Trek. That just stretched hell out of audience credulity.

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Bingeing Bad

Joel — Mon, 05 Aug 2013 07:48:17 +0000

Breaking Bad’s final 8 episodes start in less than a week. In order to prepare I am giving myself ulcers by rewatching seasons 4 and 5.1 of the most captivating show of the last decade. It is killing me. It is killing me and I love it.

The HijiNKS ENSUE Store seems to have gotten a makeover.

I have SO MANY thoughts, ideas and opinions about Breaking Bad. I could go on for pages about character motivations, growth, plot complexity, the absolute beauty with which it is shot… but, instead here are some things I posted on Twitter:

Rewatching Breaking Bad season 4 to prep for the new eps and getting crushed under the weight of its fantasticness.
I wonder if Aaron Paul would have grown into such unbelievable talent-pants if not for Breaking Bad. Did it awaken his latent abilities?
I would imagine working with Cranston and Gilligan forced Paul to up his game. To play in their world he had to rise to their level.
Not that Paul wasn’t great in season 1 but by season 4 he’s in a whole new league.
I play this game during every Breaking Bad where I try and chart Walt’s motivation throughout the episode. Is fear, ego or pride in control?
I also try to track Walt’s shifting layers of deception. Is he lying to himself, others, both? He moves in and out of lies so fluidly.
Sorry. Breaking Bad Spoilers: Walt lies a lot.

And one for the road:

My daughter is talking about Equestria Girls like they just announced Peter Capaldi is playing Twilight Sparkle.

COMMENTERS: What’s the most/longest/hardest/fastest you’ve ever binged a show/series/book/whatever? Was it worth it?

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@DarthNoll · 97 weeks ago

To be fair, I’m more excited about Equestria Girls than about Peter Capaldi.

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arachnidster· 97 weeks ago

When I first found the West Wing, after it had already finished its run, I watched the whole thing in about a week.

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Wesley · 97 weeks ago

I do this quite a lot.. basically I become a fanatic about anything I like, starting at the beginning and stopping only to sleep, work or because I either get annoyed by it or finish it up to the current episode/comic page/book/whatever.

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Thomas · 97 weeks ago

Every time a new book in the “Wheel of Time” series came out, I reread the entire series.

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3 replies · active 97 weeks ago

Wesley · 97 weeks ago

Including the prologue?

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Jesse · 97 weeks ago

I did the exact same thing, including the Prologue. It got pretty ridiculous towards the end.

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isoldeblackbunny · 97 weeks ago

trying to read prologue to 13 in 6 weeks (so I had a gap week before 14 came out) nearly killed me: it was glorious.

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@WayneBasta · 97 weeks ago

I still need to watch the first part of season 5. Fortunately it just came on Netflix so I can catch up before the final run. Only got into the show recently and it was a trip.

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@musicmachine · 97 weeks ago

We were introduced to binge watching when my 15 year old daughter started getting the box sets of the Gilmore Girls. More box sets followed. Our first Netflix binge was Lost. Took about 3 weeks, Completed Arrested Development the night it premiered. I watched House of Cards Monday & Tuesday this week.

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Bill Murphy · 97 weeks ago

Ha, ha! I say ignore that irregular heart beat of 4 minutes per beat and push on with the show!
When I was in Jr. High, I was home sick and watched six episodes of Muppet Babies back to back followed by Knight Rider. (The episode where CARR returns)

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1 reply · active 97 weeks ago

Kryss · 97 weeks ago

KARR was awesome. XD Hey, look; Asimov’s Three Laws matter! XD Is Knight Rider in reruns somewhere? Or on Netflicks? Damn, they should bring back NBC’s Thursday night lineup from, like, 1984 or so. Knight Rider, the A-Team, and Magnum P.I. It would be epic. XD

Yes, yes, Magnum PI was CBS and the A-Team might have been, like, ABC or something. I don’t care; you know what I mean.

Damn, now I want an epic crossover.

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@kellyskritters · 97 weeks ago

Battlestar Gallactica reboot is the only series I’ve binged on. We do movies at my house, Back to the Future, Star Wars (all 6), Harry Potter, and this weekend will be Tron Having 5 yo twin boys rocks!

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1 reply · active 97 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 97 weeks ago

That might have been my first. We were watching it with Netflix DVD’s and finished 2 discs every day and a half, then waiting 3-4 days for new discs.

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groklife · 97 weeks ago

I did this with all of the Dark Tower novels, until King let the last few go within a few months of each other.

I tend to binge series, too. “Fringe” is what I’m on now. Netflix just screwed me on that tip, though. They emailed me, letting me know that Season 5 was available. I watched the first 8 eps in two evenings (at work), clicked on the 9th and was told, “No longer available to stream.” I was pissed!

Got an email from them yesterday telling me that it’d be available in September. Woo. Freakin. Hoo.

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@DJC6535 · 97 weeks ago

Star Trek TOS. Wife and I started a few weeks ago and went through 2 or 3 episodes a night.

It’s so hilariously different than I expected. I grew up with Next Gen, which took itself a lot more seriously and was much more of a soap opera. TOS is a lot more like Twilight Zone. Episodes are very self contained. You meet the Space-god of the week and Kirk does his special brand of kung-fu to fight it while Leonard Nemoy outshines and out-acts everybody so much that it’s stunning to see.

What’s also fantastic about TOS is that, for such a progressive show, it is astoundingly sexist. My ‘favorite’ lines so far:

Kirk, explaining to a young boy why a lady got upset when he slapped her on the behind: “There’s no…. right way…. to hit a woman”

Nasty space queen in a ‘Taming of the shrew’ type episode: “Tell me again about this… spanking”

and this one that requires no explanation: “Believe me, it is better to be dead than to live alone on the body of a woman”

yeesh

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2 replies · active 97 weeks ago

runcibletune · 97 weeks ago

My mom and I did that with TOS. I decided to watch it after enjoying the 2009 reboot. Like you said, it was often (usually?) unintentionally hilarious – we enjoyed pausing it and laughing about what was going on as much as watching it happen.

This was before I understood how to get TV shows on my computer so we would borrow 4 DVDs at a time from our local library. It was awesome.

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The Unknown FB · 97 weeks ago

What’s also fun is after doing that do all the rest of the Trek series: TAS, TNG, DS9, VOY, ENT.
You could put ENT before TOS, but I don’t think that’s wise…and for even more fun, mix the Prime universe’s 10 movies into your viewing, in date of release order.

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Hotsauce · 97 weeks ago

Saw Equestria Girls in the theater. It was much better than I had expected.

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DuckAmuck · 97 weeks ago

I ONLY enjoyed 24 when 1 season ran as a 24-hour marathon on TV.

**I so want this to end with Walter White, holding a gun, standing over a shot Hank gasping his last breaths. Walter leans in and says, “I AM Heisenberg.” choke-rasp- black.

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4 replies · active 97 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 97 weeks ago

RE: your finale prediction, it’s going to be the opposite. Hank HAS to kill Walter. Everyone loses. EVERYONE loses.

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DuckAmuck · 97 weeks ago

Jesse shows up, guns blazing. Shoots Skylar in the head. The kid takes the baby and hides under the table (they both live).
Walt gets shot in the neck, Hank gets shot in the gut. Jesse gets shot by Hank.
Walt and Hank, both sitting on the floor, gasping their last breaths. Hank says “I knew this day would come.”
Walt says, “I have to tell you… I am Heisenberg.”
gasp-gasp. rasp-rasp. choke-choke. black.

I really think Hank needs to die.

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@ibealex · 97 weeks ago

POSSIBLE SPOILERS IDK PEOPLE REALLY SHOULD BE UP TO DATE BY NOW
****************************************

Surely Hank will have realised that Walt is Heisenberg after his literal “Oh Shit” moment with the book from Gale at the end of the last episode?

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DuckAmuck · 97 weeks ago

I reject your “reality” and replace it with my own, much more “fantastical” one.

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@efin98 · 97 weeks ago

25 hours straight watching the entire first series of “The Tribe” followed by the premier of the second series…

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Siirenias · 97 weeks ago

A couple months ago, I set aside everything to watch EVERY EPISODE of Dr. Who that Netflix had. Old, new, whatever. It took a while, but it was worth it…kinda want to do it again.

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16 replies · active 97 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 97 weeks ago

I did that a few years ago. Probably 3-4 a night until I was through 9 and 10.

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runcibletune · 97 weeks ago

Did you start at the beginning? I’ve been meaning to get into Who for a while but my do-everything-in-order tendencies are at war with everybody telling me that the newer stuff is more accessible and I should start there.

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@efin98 · 97 weeks ago

If you want to get into right way then watch the most recent season of hte show(the 7th), as this will get you ready for the 50th Anniversary in November and the Christmast Special/11th’s impending death without missing anything major.

After that, it’s up to you. 9 and 10 are basically sequential in that they have long storylines in the first two seasons and then have callbacks to earlier episodes in the last episodes 10 is in. 11 has only one real season that has a long storyline, his 2nd season. This should be seen in order since it will then make sense. His first season you can see out of order after the first episode and not miss any storyline or new characters.

And if you really want to drive yourself crazy, check out the classic shows as some of the monsters he faces are featured in them.

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hijinksensue· 97 weeks ago

Nah, I started with 9.

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Siirenias · 97 weeks ago

Well, watching the new seasons *will* get you ready for the big thing that’s going on. I’ll probably have to catch it once it hits Netflix, unless I can catch a marathon of the stuff not yet on netflix (to catch me up).

Sadly, and I did research on this, some of the old series were lost in a warehouse fire on BBC property. Amongst the original reels lost were legendary episodes from the first season onward, but some has survived. I would still recommend watching ALL the old stuff, but the very oldest episode is quite disorienting. I’m not sure if the very first episode was lost, or if Netflix just doesn’t care.

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@persoconchii · 97 weeks ago

some of the old ‘lost stuff’ still exist in a bizarre “radio play with still shots” format. So if you can’t really see it, you can still listen to it

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lou · 97 weeks ago

Radio plays? They still make those?

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@persoconchii · 97 weeks ago

this is BBC – they have a whole radio station for radioplays!

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Shane · 97 weeks ago

It’s actually a bit more horrible than that. During the late 60s and into the 70s the BBC policy was to erase and reuse the video tapes that the shows were recorded to. They figured no one was interested in some old sci fi show so they wiped them out. All though copies of many episodes have been found, about 40% of the first six years of the show are gone.

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@persoconchii · 97 weeks ago

just like studios used to wash and reuse cels for animation….

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@efin98 · 97 weeks ago

Actually regarding the lost Doctor Who episodes, a lot of the old stuff was actually wiped clean by the BBC to conserve space in their library. There is a standing list of what shows were wiped and/or believed lost but there is quite a bit of the old stuff being released on DVD that is availible to buy or rent.
With the interest in the 50th anniversary in November there has been a strong effort to animate the missing episodes, with two already for sale and three more going on sale over the next four months.

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Siirenias · 97 weeks ago

Animated, eh? It’ll lack the overwhelming charm of old SFX, but it’ll be something!

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@persoconchii · 97 weeks ago

Netflix streaming or on DVD? ’cause thats 2 totally different (still insane) amounts of time!

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Siirenias · 97 weeks ago

Netflix, actually. I lost sleep, watching every episode they had. I didn’t keep track of the number of episodes…or days…

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Siirenias · 97 weeks ago

And now I’m on to X-Files, but I’m trying to pace myself.

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@persoconchii · 97 weeks ago

First 5 seasons are best!! plus the episodes Vince Gilligan writes tend to be a riot!

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Bex C. · 97 weeks ago

When Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire came out, I purchased the book and read the entire thing from start to finish in one sitting. I took a few breaks to eat and bathroom, but one full 15 hour stretch of time devouring the whole book. As soon as it ended, I immediately wanted to start it over but my dad made me take a break. I was 13.

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3 replies · active 97 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 97 weeks ago

I did all of Harry Potter on Audiobook over the course of a month. I was listening to it while I worked, in the car, and in bed. I was actually really sad when it was over.

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Holly · 97 weeks ago

I got my first (and so far only) speeding ticket while listening to the HP audiobooks and driving cross-country. I got so caught up in the dementors scene that I didn’t realize I was going 93mph through Nebraska.

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Bex C. · 97 weeks ago

I’m sad to say that when I finally got my copy of book 7, I didn’t read it immediately. It was a mixture of being supremely busy with day to day life and not wanting it to end. I ended up picking it up after 6 months of staring at it and SOMEHOW still avoiding all spoilers. I was intensely sad when it was over, too. Now whenever I get bored with reading new stuff, I pick the series up and read it all over again.

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Ceri · 97 weeks ago

LOTR Extended Editions was my biggest binge. When Return Of The King came out, I shut myself away with stockpiles of snacks for a night and first re-watched Fellowship and Two Towers, then ROTK, then ALL the extras on that one, then ROTK again, with the actor’s commentary.
Best. Night. Ever.

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1 reply · active 97 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 97 weeks ago

I have all of those on BluRay and I still havent made it through them yet. We usually get about 2.5 hours into one and give up.

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lou · 97 weeks ago

Sometimes I do this with movies. My brother & I watched Captain America: First Avenger on Blu-Ray before we went to see The Avengers, and my friends & I watched that movie on Blu-Ray before seeing Iron Man 3. I took 6 hours out of 1 Friday to watch Batman Begins and the Dark Knight before the Saturday I went to see the Dark Knight Rises. The most hardcore instance of this is when I went to YouTube to find the clips of the complete TRON movie, before I went out to watch TRON Legacy.
As for TV shows, my friends and I also watched Season 4 of Fringe (because certain complications with our schedules kept us from watching it on TV and DVR’s can only hold so many episodes) so we could follow what the deuce was happening in Season 5. ALL worth it!

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@persoconchii · 97 weeks ago

I tend to binge, and binge hard on everything. It started back in highschool with anime fansubs (on VHS!) and just kept gettin worse

Some of the more memorable ones include being home sick ~~with plague~~ for 2 weeks, and watching nothing but Monty Python & Fraggle Rock on Netflix
and just a few weeks ago when Tumblr was nothing but GIF-sets of Hugh Dancy in a flowercrown, decided to finally check out that Hannibal show … yeah… watched it all in 2 days and absolutely regret everything!

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Skye · 97 weeks ago

When I was in high school, my boyfriend had Babylon 5 on VHS (taped off of TNT) and I sat on a bean bag in front of my TV and watched the entire series the summer between freshman and sophomore year. I had to sit in front of the TV because I didn’t have a remote for my VCR, so in order to fast forward through the commercials I had to push the buttons on the front of the VCR. The only times I came downstairs were to get lunch, eat dinner (mother insisted on dinner at the table), and to trade out VHS tapes with my boyfriend (each tape only held 6 episodes or so if I remember correctly).

I still haven’t forgiven him for spoiling Z’ha’dum–we’ve been married for 11 years now and he’s still in trouble. *glares*

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@borednihilist · 97 weeks ago

Binge watching is sort of how I’ve watched all shows since 2009, with the exception of the few new shows/seasons I’ve watched (i.e. New Girl, Parks and Rec, Defiance, Awake). It started with Dollhouse on DVD (I watched S1 and then S1 and S2 in less than a week each time, and have since viewed the series probably 15-20 times). I have also binged Buffy, Angel, BSG, Parks and Rec, Futurama within the past two years. Last year I watched all of New Who twice. I recently binged Buffy S1 and into S2 in one weekend, and I’m sure when I get around to Continuum, Fringe and Orange is the New Black, those will be binged as well. Oh, and of course Arrested Development, all seasons, including S4. Once I start watching AD, I don’t think I’ve EVER watched less than four episodes at a time.

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Mike Ferris · 97 weeks ago

That Tetris necklace is baaaaaadass. I know what my wife’s getting for her birthday.

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@CX316 · 97 weeks ago

Watched 24 season 1 and 2 in about 4 days, and after seeing the pilot of Walking Dead, I read about 72 issues of the comic in 4 or 5 days. Totes worth it.

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Adam D. · 97 weeks ago

My friend (poor bastard, though he likely would be a Fancy Bastard) used to work for Barnes and Noble, and he ALWAYS (not sure if he volunteered or not, he’d never tell me) on for the Harry Potter releases. And like a good friend, I’d go to keep him company so the little Hogwarts wouldn’t cause him to start firing Killing Curses at anything that moved. Normally this ended with me getting a copy of Harry Potter, then sitting down and reading it cover to cover in about 3-5 hours. No bathroom breaks, no food breaks… just sitting up at 1am,2am,3am,4am… knowing full well I had to work the following day, and just not giving a damn. Plus it prevented any of the books being spoiled, which ended up being a good thing.

Wife would usually read it after I had finished… except for book 5, where the local radio station decided to blurt out the ending… at 9AM. You could imagine how that went down.

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Ben · 97 weeks ago

With the exception of TNG, I have a tough time with episodic stories, especially where there is a long story arc involved. If I feel like watching Dr. Who, I feel this need to watch all of Who… in order… back to back.

If I’m feeling some BSG, then it’s off to the Pilot I go.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen Jack Shephard wake up in that jungle after Flight 815 crashed. Or how many times I’ve heard Christopher Eccleston has said “Run!” Or

Star Wars? LOTR? Back to the Future? Robotech?

With me, it’s “In for a penny, in for a pound.” I can’t watch one without all the rest.

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@WaltAPR · 97 weeks ago

If we’re talking fastest binges, many years ago my friends and I all watched Firefly for the first time in one sitting (starting at around midnight). What started as “let’s just watch the pilot and see if we like it” quickly became “can’t. stop.” I also watched all of Party Down in one day.

I also binged the first 5 seasons of Supernatural over the course of 3 days when I had the flu once. The whole thing felt like a fever dream.

The first time I watched Breaking Bad was similar – I think I started watching shortly after season 3 hit home video – I burned through the whole series (up to that point) in about a day and a half.

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xero · 97 weeks ago

2 solid weeks catching up on a manga and several months watching 5 diffrent seasons of Kamen rider (starte with dcad when it was new and started going backwards got to Hibiki and stopped cause yea it’s REALLY bad

working through detective conana atm…i’m on chapter 7 of 696 :.((

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@corgimas · 96 weeks ago

You drew the Beggar Jafar from Aladdin! http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130412024…

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Conclave

Joel — Fri, 07 Jun 2013 08:22:28 +0000

Apparently my finger is squarely on the twin pulses of the 12th Doctor casting situation, because when I stared into the untempered Vortex and asked myself who the next Doctor should be the very first name that came to mind was the unpronouncable one belonging to Chiwetel Ejiofor (CAUTION: His name is a killing word). So is this how we’re doing things now? I just DECIDE on the ways in which I want the universe to be awesome and the pieces all start to fall into place like so much reverse JENGA? I am 100% OK with this.

I have a store where I sell books and shirts. If you buy that stuff I can pay my mortgage and feed my family like a regular dude with a real job.

It was probably right around the moment someone said, “Hey, maybe not a lanky white dude for The Doctor this time?” that C.E.’s intensely impressive talent, range and ability to say something softly, calmly and so terrifyingly serious that you know he means business and is NOT to be trifled with began to stick in my brain as a potential successor to the Sonic Screwdriver. Imagine the simple, calculated and honest way The Operative from Serenity explained to people how they had failed to meet his expectations and exactly how they were going to die… now apply that same badassery and emotional weight to a “Doctor speech.” That shit is chilling. I want that in the blue box.

How badass would it be if A) he was cast as the Doctor and B) a few years from now they just go ahead and use his actual name as the name of The Doctor? It sounds Gallifreyan enough for me.

COMMENTERS: Dream-cast The Doctor and his next companion.

Comments (85)

hijinksensue· 103 weeks ago

I do not like this news/rumor:
http://io9.com/is-this-the-face-of-our-new-doctor…

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2 replies · active 103 weeks ago

Ams· 103 weeks ago

me neither i sincerely hope this is just a rumor

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90percentgeek· 103 weeks ago

Really? Why? I know it’s not who you might have wanted (if indeed he gets the role) but in everything I’ve seen him in (especially Black Mirror) he was a very good actor. And the Doctor role (like Neil Gaiman said) is very much about being pleasantly surprised by what a guy you didn’t expect in the role is able to bring to the character.
Plus I get a sort of Sylvester McCoy vibe off the guy!

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TheWatcher· 103 weeks ago

I hate to tell you this, but the original source of the Chiwetel Ejiofor rumour is the Daily Mail. Over here in Old Blighty, The Daily Mail has a reputation for being less than accurate. Much less than accurate, actually.

Franky, I rate the chances of me getting the part over The Daily Mail getting it right.

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2 replies · active 103 weeks ago

Paige· 103 weeks ago

Damn it.

I’m not touching the 12th Doctor discussion (well I am, but I want no part of it), but Chiwetel Ejiofor actually would be a great Doctor.

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@posthamster· 103 weeks ago

TheWatcher is actually being a bit too kind here with “less than accurate”.

Basically, imagine Fox News as a newspaper, only a bit more racist and ring wing, with less of a grasp on morals and ethics, and a really creepy obsession with young women.

And above all a total and utter disdain for anything remotely resembling anything that might even be mistaken for a fact.

Oh, and in DailyMailLand everything either gives you or cures cancer, too, for some reason.

Without wishing to Godwin myself, in the 30’s the Mail ran an editorial praising Hitler and the blackshirts

But since then it’s drifted a bit more to the right.

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@neums· 103 weeks ago

Ejiofor’s name was bandied about when they were speculating on who’d replace Tennant, as well. It would be cool to see him in the role though, nevertheless.

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1 reply · active 103 weeks ago

@neums· 103 weeks ago

As an aside, Moffat said that when they were casting 11, they were looking for someone 40+ for the role, but Smith auditioned for Watson on Sherlock, and Moffat decided he wasn’t a fit for that role, but he’d found his Doctor.

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moffattbooks· 103 weeks ago

since I’m not even on the right rock, I’ll throw my two cents in and say I’ll just wait until the person gets announced. Both Tennant and Smith said they had some time in between being selected and finally being announced so probably the same situation here.

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oneswellfoop· 103 weeks ago

If you’re going to go with a far-out prediction, you can’t beat the one proposed by other webcomic Capes N Babes: http://www.capesnbabes.com/2013/06/07/873-doctor-…
Roger Daltrey!
not just for the obvious “Who” wordplay, but also…
(1) he used to have the same hair as Tom Baker… and has more of it left
(2) instead of “alons-y” or “geronimo” he can just yell “YEEEAAAHHH” (if CBS will let him)
(3) I remember him guesting on several episodes of “Sliders” as what was essentially an Evil Time Lord. He was the best thing on the show at the time (not that difficult, I know).
Just sayin’

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Faye· 103 weeks ago

It’s probably going to be some unknown. This sort of casting rumour isn’t a new thing, though.

Just watch Curse of Fatal Death (Comic Relief themselves have put it up here:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Do-wDPoC6GM ) – the Doctor blows through half a dozen regenerations in 20 minutes, and just about every actor to play the Doctor was rumoured to be ‘the next Doctor’ at one point or another. (Joanna Lumley was rumoured for Five, for example.)

If you don’t want to watch, the Curse of Fatal Death Doctors were: Rowan Atkinson, Richard E. Grant, Jim Broadbent, Hugh Grant, Joanna Lumley.

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2 replies · active 103 weeks ago

Tom· 103 weeks ago

Joanna Lumley would have rocked actually. And for those who don’t know who she is, she was Patsy on AbFab.

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90percentgeek· 103 weeks ago

Why wouldn’t you want to watch Curse of the Fatal Death – it was awesome! And of course Richard E. Grant finally got to go on and play a villain in mainstream Doctor Who!

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maarvarq· 103 weeks ago

I don’t mind as long as they don’t cast Billie Piper *ugh*http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-2274….

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@BenMS· 103 weeks ago

Someone confirm for me: will this be the last Doctor? I haven’t watched since the Tom Baker days, but I seem to recall that 12 incarnations was the most any Time Lord could have.

That would be a real shame, as I see how much geek-joy the franchise brings to people I care about on a daily basis, and I would hate to see that end.

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7 replies · active 102 weeks ago

nenslo· 103 weeks ago

They’ll find a way round it. To be honest the first thing they should do is cut the late 90s TV movie with Paul McGann from the canon.

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Bryce· 103 weeks ago

I’m pretty sure they already have. The Doctor sure as Hell ain’t half-human.

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Faye· 103 weeks ago

I think last but one – the first regeneration was One into Two, so the twelfth regeneration will be Twelve into Thirteen.

The limit is because regeneration is a kind of mutation, and can lead to defects later down the line. It’s like making photocopies, a copy of a copy of a copy isn’t going to be as clear as the original.

When the Doctor does his funny ‘still got legs!’ thing, it’s not a joke, regeneration could seriously mess him up some day, and there’s no ‘undo’ on that. See also: Each Doctor being less mentally stable than the predecessor.

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scarlettb· 103 weeks ago

Back in the day, the Master had reached the end of his regenerations, and he got a new set from the Time Lords for, like…helping out with something. (I am less than clear on the details.) So I have always thought of regeneration limits as more of an administrative ruling, to prevent Time Lords from just regenerating limitlessly, than a biological restraint. Now that there ARE no other Time Lords, I assume said limits would be revoked.

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lou· 103 weeks ago

The Time Lords gave the Master more lives because they needed him to be a super-soldier or something for the Time War, but he wussed out and high tailed it to the heat-death of the universe.

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Hotsauce· 103 weeks ago

They’ve already said “meh, that’s just something the Doctor said. The Doctor makes shit up all the time.”

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@lzyglutenfremom· 102 weeks ago

I’m half thinking they’ve gotten around that a bit already.. where River gave him her regenerations to bring him back after killing him.. so it’s possible that has already given him some extra lives (which he might not “know” about until it comes into play…)
so we will have to wait and see

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nenslo· 103 weeks ago

The showrunners won’t go for anyone obvious, so if someone’s touted in a news article as “being in the running” then you know for certain they’re not.

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Big John· 103 weeks ago

From what I recall back in the 80s, Time Lords had 12 regenerations. However, The Master was able to get around it and weasel himself another 12 through his dastardly deeds. That said, they haven’t mentioned it at all in the new series and it wouldn’t be the first time cannon got changed without any other explanation.

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3 replies · active 94 weeks ago

@posthamster· 103 weeks ago

Also, I don’t think they ever really established if the “12 regenerations” limit was a physical thing or something enforced by the Time Lords themselves.

If it’s the latter, with the Time Lords all gone then they could just use that as an excuse to ignore the limit.

Oh, and it was mentioned in the Sarah Jane spin off series, I think:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9D-2HJMD9s

Although I’m not sure if “507” is supposed to just be the doctor being glib.

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Faye· 103 weeks ago

That “507” could be interpreted as ‘I am crawling backwards through an air duct, please stop asking me things.’, so I dunno.

It’s possible, but I don’t think the 500th Doctor would resemble a Time Lord at all by that point. See above, re: mutating regenerations.

Or see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mawdryn_Undead – the guy with the brain outside his head suffers from unlimited regenerations.

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adamrocketblack· 94 weeks ago

First of ALL,
First of ALL,
Its called math bitches: 12 Regenerations ( 12.5 so far ARE CANNON )
means 13 Doctors.

Although with the new insertion of SAD doctor, between 8-9 … we are going on 13 )
12.5 Regenerations = A regeneration crises after = Evil Doctor= The Valeyard

Of course between body stealing and the Elixer Of Life , the Master earned and scammed 5 extra lifes…
WE already know the Valeyard goes breaks the OLD time lock on Gallifreys past,
or maybe he’ll take the RegenerationEnergy from Donna Noble, and blood from Jack , and make himself TImeLOrd Victorious for realz…

Even the new Bad timelords will give him a new set for breaking them out.

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The Rizz· 103 weeks ago

I still think Don Warrington would make an incredible Doctor.

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Lani· 103 weeks ago

In my dreams the next Doctor and companion are Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry. Doesn’t matter which one is which, but that would be wonderful. They’re really the only white males I’d be okay with. I’m hoping for a female Doctor.

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3 replies · active 103 weeks ago

lou· 103 weeks ago

Hugh Laurie would be a badass Doctor, if he brought in the same attitude as House.

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janethesecond· 103 weeks ago

Now I’m imagining a Bertie Wooster Doctor. In some ways it’s appropriate, but mostly quite strange.

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Rikonius· 103 weeks ago

If they put Fry and Laurie in, then I think I’d rather see Fry as the Doctor and Laurie as the Master.

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Ceri· 103 weeks ago

I’ve had this discussion with FB friends and on a message board, and the consensus was that it’ll be somone as unknown as Smith was before DW.
That said, the two names floating around that got me excited were: 1. Olivia Colman (probably only known outside the UK for playing Margaret Thatcher’s daughter Carol in The Iron Lady, but she is a brilliant comedic actress with dramatic chops) for the first female Doctor – but she was in The Eleventh Hour as the mother who got possessed by Prisoner Zero, so I’d say her chances are slim to none.
2. Julian Rhind-Tutt, who has almost exclusively been on TV in Britain (he’s had a few small movie parts) and thus is known, but not really famous. He has done comedy (Green Wing) and drama (The Hour), and, most importantly: he’s a Ginger! A sexy Ginger at that!

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3 replies · active 103 weeks ago

Faye· 103 weeks ago

Just noting here, a previous role in the show doesn’t rule out a recurrence. Sixth Doctor actor previously played a Gallifreyan guard captain, who shot at Five.

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Shayz· 103 weeks ago

As Faye said, on the previous role thing, because Karen Gillan appeared in one of the episode during season 4, The Fires of Pompeii as one of the Seers (or whatever they were), before she later became Amy Pond.

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Ceri· 103 weeks ago

I don’t know about Six shooting Five, but Karen Gillan was pretty much unrecognizable in Fires of Pompeii, and any resemblance could have been explained by making her Amy’s distant ancestor. Which works for a companion, but the Doctor is a different animal, and Olivia Colman was pretty recognizable (and memorable, if only for the creep Prisoner teeth) in Eleventh Hour.

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Dave· 103 weeks ago

I did a piece on my website, with my top six choices for the next Doctor:
http://www.zekefilm.org/2013/06/01/opinion-time-f…

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1 reply · active 103 weeks ago

UnderTheDark· 103 weeks ago

Oh, Siddig would be brilliant! And close enough in stature and demeanor that the change wouldn’t be too jarring for the delicate sensibilities of life-long Who fans ;p

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Rikonius· 103 weeks ago

Shocking plot twist: Wil Wheaton knows who it is because Wil Wheaton is going to be the 12th Doctor. Also, the Doctor’s real name is Wesley Crusher. And Stand By Me takes place on Trenzalor.

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2 replies · active 103 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 103 weeks ago

The dead body he finds is… HIS OWN! TIME TRAVEL AAGHAGHAGHAGHAGH!!!!

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Rikonius· 103 weeks ago

And Ace Merrill is Davros!

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Rikonius· 103 weeks ago

On a more serious note, I think that Chiwetel Ejiofor would rock as the Doctor, and I like him a lot more than Idris Elba for the role.
I think Elba is cool, but I think he has too much of a physical presence for the role. I think the Doctor should be scary in a more nerdy manner, and I don’t see Elba pulling that off.

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@jillianbeanpod· 103 weeks ago

I have always said that at some point the Doctor or a companion should be Scouse (i.e. from Liverpool). The Brits here (I’m American, but lived in Liverpool for a while) understand why this would be hilarious.

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tzeentchling· 103 weeks ago

A Doctor with kinky boots. I could see it!

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1 reply · active 103 weeks ago

@hombredehiel· 103 weeks ago

I always thought Eccleston’s leather-jacketed look had more sense than the typical Doctor’s look.

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Michael Corley· 103 weeks ago

His head makes the most adorable noises.

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Bryce· 103 weeks ago

If we’re going for a dream Doctor, I’d throw my vote for Sir Patrick Stewart. Back to the first Doctor’s stubborn old grandpa vibe.

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deadrobot· 103 weeks ago

Tony Todd… CANDYMAN CANDYMAN CANDYMAN!!

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stanley· 103 weeks ago

Nice focus pull in the split panel

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Liam· 103 weeks ago

I would like to see Bill Nighy as the Doctor. He was the museum guide in “Vincent and the Doctor”.

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@FuryOfFirestorm· 103 weeks ago

I’m totally here for a DW that isn’t some pasty white British dude. Idris Elba is a great suggestion, though Chiwetel wouldn’t be a bad pick either.

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2 replies · active 103 weeks ago

90percentgeek· 103 weeks ago

I don’t mind what colour skin he has, but the Doctor has to remain British!

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Candace· 103 weeks ago

Speaking as an American, I actually have to agree with you there. I can’t even imagine a non-British actor as Doctor Who. Regarding recent speculation, I think it might be kind of fun/funny for the Doctor at some point to “wake up” as a woman (which I think is highly unlikely), but even then, the actress would have to be British, or it just wouldn’t feel right.

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anxiety.junkie· 103 weeks ago

My best friend is convinced that it isn’t just MS leaving, but they are going to end the series entirely. But she’s still bitter about the lack of a new season of Torchwood, so I think she’s projecting. I hope she’s projecting.

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Bron· 103 weeks ago

Its a pity in my mind that meera syal has already had a fairly prominant role in one episode as she’d make a fairly awesome doctor who.

Firstly I think we need an older doctor, someone who is more like your favourite teacher (I imagine like one of those older slightly mad science ones or maybe art or drama if you think about them (my english teachers all were ex-steel workers who were insane chain smoking nutters for some reason)) or an eccentric but fun relative when you were a child.

Secondly the female thing. The doctor mentions in “the doctor’s wife” that one of his friends a fellow timelord always had a specific tattoo put somewhere on his or her’s body. This does mean that timelords can change gender canonically. Also add into this the fact that the doctor has been seemingly having more and more violent regenerations and it could be seen as the doctor trying to repress a change he doesn’t want. Maybe he isn’t a fan of being female? Maybe he knows that a female form of the doctor is the precurser of something bad he doesn’t want to happen?

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2 replies · active 103 weeks ago

90percentgeek· 103 weeks ago

In fact, as difficult as it is to fit the scene in canonically, Romana’s regeneration scene during Tom Baker’s tenure featured her trying on several different forms including that of Tom Baker (which he heartily approved of as he said he liked the look of that form). So we know a Time Lord can switch gender. The question is, which actress should take on the role?

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Faye· 103 weeks ago

The form the Doctor approved of was a repeat of the first one she tried, just dressed like him – not actually regenerated into him. Romana just hid her actual face behind the scarf and hat.

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thevoxpopuli· 103 weeks ago

I don’t like the idea that it’s Rory Kinnear, though I do like him. I DEFINITELY want it to be Idris Elba.

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runcibletune· 103 weeks ago

I really liked this comic. No opinion on Doctor Who casting, just really enjoyed reading this.

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Orion M· 103 weeks ago

I’d love Chiwetel, but I’d only love him after my crushing post-Matt Smith depression ended.

Matt Smith is leaving Doctor Who. I’LL NEVER BE HAPPY AGAIN.

(Just like I would never be happy again after I got to the end of Eccleston’s run, actually. Tennant I didn’t mind leaving, it may be sacrilege in some quarters, but I wasn’t all that impressed by the end of his time.)

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1 reply · active 102 weeks ago

maarvarq· 102 weeks ago

Tennant left no scenery unchewed. His turn at the end of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Firewas more understated than his last season as the Doctor.

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@CompassRing· 103 weeks ago

I never really *like* Ejifor. His talent astounds me, and when I’m watching him on stage and in movies I’m always really impressed. But I’ve never seen him in a role where I found myself thinking, “I’d like to hang out with him.” I think the Doctor needs to prompt that.
I like Rory Kinnear, and the Naveen Andrews suggestion someone put up, though.

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90percentgeek· 103 weeks ago

The wierd thing for me is Ejifor is my friend Will’s uncle. I’ll never be able to look at Will again knowing he’s part Time Lord!
I don’t mind who they cast as the Doctor really (no pun intended) as the last 3 choices have all been excellent and have been ‘the best Doctor ever’ for me, so I’ll probably enjoy whoever gets the job. I just don’t want them to do it for reasons of political correctness. “Ooh, we’ve not had a black Doctor, lets fix that!” or “It’s time we had a woman Doctor!” It shouldn’t be about skin colour or gender, just a question of who has something to contribute to the character. As long as they’re British!

We’ve had a half serious/half clownish broken man in Ecclestone. Then we had the loveable geek with a core of steel in Tennant. Finally Smith gave us a goofy toddler who’s actually a lot cleverer than he let on. What type of Time Lord should the next one be?

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scribly· 103 weeks ago

All wishful thinking. Sadly enough we all know it’s going to be Jeremy Clarkson who’s going to “drive” the TARDIS from now on…

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2 replies · active 103 weeks ago

Candace· 103 weeks ago

Holy crap, I never thought of that, but Jeremy Clarkson could actually be a great Doctor! I can just picture him with that evil twinkle in his eyes…I doubt he would take the role, though.

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Ceri· 103 weeks ago

I can just see him wildly flipping switches in the TARDIS’ control room while it spins through time and space: “MOAR POWERRRRRRRRRRR!!!”

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@ShayneF· 103 weeks ago

Tim Roth

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AmyLynn· 103 weeks ago

As far as the 12 regenerations go, I remember River being concerned about him using up his regeneration on her. She spoke as if it were a quantity of energy that could be used up, not a power that could only be used a specific number of times. The writers could have added that in to redirect our attention though.

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Poodles McGee· 103 weeks ago

Doctor: Wil Wheaton
Companions: Several webcomic artists/writers

I’m not kidding. I’ll take hostages to make this happen.

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@justdevin· 103 weeks ago

I also pegged Chewie (official nickname, yet another selling point!) for my Doctor Wish List, along with Rhona Mitra, David Morrissey, Andrew Scott, and Damian Lewis – the whole thing’s right here at http://bigfanboy.com/wp/?p=18969. That said, I’m steering clear of anything resembling a rumour on it, and will try my damnedest to be surprised on 23 November. Like THAT’LL happen.

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1 reply · active 102 weeks ago

Jingy· 102 weeks ago

“I also begged Chewie…”
The last time I heard a sentence starting like that, it was from someone accounting their comicon- sexcapades.

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Liam· 103 weeks ago

How about an American for the Doctor?

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1 reply · active 102 weeks ago

Bron· 102 weeks ago

No just…. just no……

I dont think an American doctor would work for British audiences and we are still the primary market so that would be insane to do. Sorry.

An American actor could work but only if he could do a British accent that was fantastic which I can’t really remember seeing yet.

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Bean· 103 weeks ago

I’d just like to say that I am 100% supportive of the idea of Hugh Laurie or Stephen Fry as the Doctor. Whoever they cast, I’d really like it to be an eccentric older person.

This is probably somewhat hypocritical of me to say, since David Tennant is ‘my’ Doctor, But enough with the Young Actors. If I wasn’t so attached to David Tennant, Christopher Eccelston would be my favorite.

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1 reply · active 102 weeks ago

Bron· 102 weeks ago

I agree with the older, I think we need an eccentric curmudgeon type doctor again.

I would stop watching if it was Steven fry though, I just find him incredibly annoying.

I think that Hugh Laurie would also be a mistake he is just too well known it would be Hugh Laurie not the doctor.. I love him but I think wrong for the role.

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kam· 103 weeks ago

have i missed something but i thought that john hurt was number 12? or is he number 0?

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1 reply · active 103 weeks ago

Ceri· 103 weeks ago

No, he’s supposed to be an earlier regeneration, presumably from the Time War – the one who broke the promise. At least that’s what my insanely knowledgeable DW-geeky friends say. They’re placing him between 8 and 9 (which should throw off the whole counting system, but I guess that’s all very wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey).
We’ll find out in the 50th anniversary special, I guess!

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@SynthPhyle· 103 weeks ago

I’d like to see Hugh Laurie as the next Doctor… Just think of the snarky humor he could bring to the role! Doctor Who, KING of sarcasm!

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1 reply · active 103 weeks ago

Ceri· 103 weeks ago

Which would make my “Who, M.D.” t-shirt almost prophetic!
And if Stephen Fry gets to be his companion (like some others already suggested), we’d have Jeeves & Wooster all over again!

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xero· 103 weeks ago

I really can’t argue with that choice i honestly don’t have a better one

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BaneDeadpool· 102 weeks ago

The new Doctor needs to be a lesser known name. They need to be the Doctor, not a ‘whats-his-name from whatever that movie or show was who is now the Doctor’. Also, I think a cool take would to have the Doctor regenerate as a ginger woman.

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Pat· 102 weeks ago

Tim Roth is one I hadn’t heard mentioned in any of the speculation (until this thread), but I think he could do a really good job. His character in Lie To Me had moments of out-there-weirdness/zaniness and a LOT of intensity too. And then we’d have a Doctor who’d fought the Hulk and lived, and should therefore fear nothing anyway!

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Chaucer59· 99 weeks ago

I was deeply disappointed when David Tennant left (no, NOT my first Doctor–that was James Baker). I don’t think anyone before or since has so embodied The Doctor as Tennant. Matt Smith is just so…meh. I think it’s truly sad that so many outstanding scripts were wasted on an actor with less charisma than a sea cucumber and less range than William

I agree wholeheartedly with Ejiofor. He’s a brilliant choice and can go from loving to menacing and back again with aplomb. If not a black Doctor, what about a sex change? I can see it now: the Doctor Who page 3, the Doctor Who Playboy spread, the Victoria’s Secret Who line.

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emperorbailey· 97 weeks ago

Everybody stop and listen to me right now!

I decided it would be awesome if, perhaps for a double-ep season finale, they fire through like 4 Doctors by the closing credits. Fall off a building, shot in the face, cut in half by a band saw, whatever. Nothing ups the stakes in a plot like the main character repeatedly paying the ultimate price to save humanity/the universe/the Queen Mum.

That would also give them the opportunity to give a few British actors the ability to play the big guy, if only for 15-30 minutes. Hows about Sir Ian Magneto with a sonic screwdriver? Companion looking on in horror at his repeated grisly deaths…

This is the greatest suggestion I have ever made on the internet. Seriously, think about it.

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@craigjpettitt· 17 weeks ago

I realize this is somewhat irrelevant now, but honestly Simon Pegg would make a much better Master than Doctor imho.

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The Red Reading

Joel — Thu, 06 Jun 2013 03:46:06 +0000

Monday June 3rd was my birthday! I am 32 years old and STILL aging! If you want to say “HAPPY FANCY BIRTHDAY!” might I suggest sharing HE with your friends via your link medium of choice? Might I also point you to my Amazon Wishlist and my donation page? CELEBRATE ME FOREVER!!!

I’m really hoping George R.R. Martin’s A Game Of Thrones inspired coffee table book is just page after glossy page of arterial blood spray.

!!!SPOILERS FOR THE CURRENT SEASON OF GAME OF THRONES IN THE COMMENTS!!!

!!!PLEASE NO SPOILERS FOR THE BOOKS/SHOW BEYOND THE RED WEDDING!!!

COMMENTERS: So how about that Red Wedding? Yeesh.

Comments (34)

Wesley· 104 weeks ago

Happy Belated Birthday Old Man!
I say that as you are only one day older than I.

@RHaseman· 104 weeks ago

I’d had it mildly spoiled for me in that I’d heard the phrase “Red Wedding” and any mention of Catelyn Stark being annoying was greeted with knowing winks and “…not for much longer” nods, and then my fears for Rob’s life were pretty much shot all to hell when the Red Witch dropped his name into that leech-fire…BUT HOLY SHIT-BALLS OF BLOOD AND BABYGUTS! WATCHING THAT MASSACRE WAS SHOCKING ON A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL!HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO WATCH EDDARDS DIE!?

My only hope is that this somehow confirms that we get to see Balon Greyjoy and more importantly King Joffrey get the same sort of brutal life-ending treatment ASAP, one “false king” down, two to go

1 · active 103 weeks ago

Michael Corley· 103 weeks ago

Shit balls just about covers my reaction

thevoxpopuli· 104 weeks ago

Deinse is back!! I’m happy to see her again.

Mike· 104 weeks ago

As someone who read all 5 books the second season 1 was over, watching the reaction to The Red Wedding has been great. It’s been horrible KNOWING this was coming and hearing everyone go on and on about what a great show Game of Thrones is. Yes it’s a great show, but dayum if anybody can die at any time. All the “OMG THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE” fans forgot that fact.

1 · active 103 weeks ago

@CozworthGrind· 103 weeks ago

yeah, but for me, it was the red wedding that really brought home, anyone can die at anytime for any reason

Bemmie· 104 weeks ago

I Had a horrible nightmare where Serenity was being renewed with Whedon directing, but it was being written by George RR Martin…Yay i’m getting my favourite characters back and oh god oh god they’re all going to die!

Candace· 104 weeks ago

Awesome! I think it’s been a while since we’ve gotten to see any HE arterial blood spray. I sort of miss that sometimes about the older HE comics, when the characters would die horribly in gouts of arterial blood spray, then be back alive and OK the next comic, kind of like a Looney Tunes cartoon, except bloodier. I realize doing that now would spoil the continuity, and I do enjoy the continuity, so glad you found a way to work in some glorious blood spray without breaking continuity. :-)Of course, it’s hard to top the climax of the artpocalyse, in which everyone was bathing in oceans of blood. That was beautiful.

@muinamir· 104 weeks ago

I think the funniest thing besides watching my Twitter feed asplode was finding out that my upstairs neighbors watch Game of Thrones because I heard their screaming and ranting at the end of the hour.

kingofmadcows· 104 weeks ago

It was not the worst atrocity of the Boltons. We must never forget the crimes of Lord Michael of House Bolton. His blasphemous hymns have wrought much pain.Also, you know nothing, show watchers.

1 · active 103 weeks ago

UnitedShoes37· 103 weeks ago

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lu3tcpORu31r5it…
Fear not. I will drive out the usurper and reclaim my ancestral seat and all will be right with the world.

Jason· 104 weeks ago

I’ve read all of the books and I thought that I would be prepared for this episode. Honestly, it just made it worse. I was starting to worry in the episode when Robb first planned to attack Casterly Rock. I just knew it was coming but it was still a little surprising. Robb’s wife is completely different and not pregnant in the books, so the baby maiming was just as shocking to me as it was to people experiencing the Red Wedding for the first time.

3 replies · active 103 weeks ago

Paul· 104 weeks ago

Robb’s wife is pregnant in the books, but holed up at Riverrun with the Blackfish, and she’s Jayne Westerling, not some foreigner from across the Narrow Sea.

Jason· 103 weeks ago

Ahh. Ok. Thanks for that correction. I forgot she was pregnant.

aprilinautumn· 103 weeks ago

She’s not pregnant. Or not anymore. Someone stuffed her full of moon tea to fix any possible “problems” she might be harboring.

Jason· 104 weeks ago

Spoilers for the finale!!!!!
Picard is captured and assimilated by the Borg, and the episode ends with Riker firing on the Borg Cube that has Locutus on it. Cliffhanger!

90percentgeek· 104 weeks ago

I honestly didn’t see it coming! I’m avoided reading the books until after the show is finished as it’s one series I hadn’t got round to reading before they chose to adapt it for TV. I heard some muttering about ‘The Red Wedding’ and at first I thought it was going to be the Red Lady marrying someone. Only when they were all in the drinking hall and all the women rushed out of the room did I suddenly recall that old viking tradition of inviting your enemy to a feast, getting him drunk, and then charging in and killing him and all his men. At which point I suddenly couldn’t believe that Rob would be so stupid as to go into the situation without guards or without at least noticing the potential for danger!
My only consolation now is that potentially something truly horrible will happen to Joffrey!

2 replies · active 103 weeks ago

robgonzo· 104 weeks ago

The series doesn’t play up enough the idea of ‘guest right’ that the book does. Catelyn warns Robb to make sure Frey shares “bread and salt” i.e. refreshments with them as soon as they arrive because then the Sacred Law of Hospitality is in place and he can’t hurt them. It’s just not done in Westeros.

UnitedShoes37· 103 weeks ago

Also, they didn’t play up that Robb had guards, not that it did him any good (seriously, I just reread that chapter a few days ago. Cat mentions being so relieved that he brought two of his most trusted knights, kept them sober, and kept them fairly close to his seat. Can’t remember what happens to them after the carnage begins though)

Dave Kinsella· 104 weeks ago

I actually thought that it was much less grisly than the book. The slaughter of all the Stark soldiers, hundreds of bodies floating down the river and most of all the chapter ends with you thinking that Arya is dead too.Looking back, I had a similar reaction to some of the fans watching the TV show though I kept it to myself; as is required by law for English gents such as myself.

@CX316· 104 weeks ago

I kinda saw it as a cheap imitation of the book’s scene, much like the Blackwater. Basically it was still good for TV, but everything was massively scaled down (the room was like 1/8th the size of the dining hall in the book, much less people, much less action, no one trying to save Robb when he got shot, the soldiers outside being murdered one at a time for some stupid reason instead of being killed en masse with little effort, Ghost not putting up a fight, etc.Basically the only thing that it did to up the impact from the book was having the in utero shanking happen.Apparently when he wrote the books, Martin got to the wedding knowing what was going to happen because of the story plan, couldn’t bring himself to write the chapter, skipped to the aftermath and wrote that up to the end of the book THEN went back and wrote the wedding because he didn’t want to see these characters he was attached to die

4 replies · active 103 weeks ago

Mitch H.· 104 weeks ago

I’m not watching the show now – I have the DVDs ordered – but the TV Blackwater was about as over-the-top as they possibly could have staged, given the realities of their budget. Well, that, and the fact that the battle occurred mostly at night – you can’t get Jackson-scaled CGI overkill when it’s all torchlight and magic explosions – “Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,
Where ignorant armies clash by night.” The first season’s “battles” were so laughably non-existent that I honestly didn’t expect what we *did* get in the second season.

@CX316· 103 weeks ago

The setup for the battle was completely changed to remove the need for the army in the background, the fleet was about 1/10th the size of the one in the book on both sides, they didn’t use the chain, etc etc. At least their scaling-down issues are getting better… Remember the royal hunt in season 1? That was a joke.

Lfreeze· 104 weeks ago

Greywind, not Ghost.

@CX316· 103 weeks ago

Shit, how did I do that?

jasomenaso· 104 weeks ago

GOT is making Walking Dead look like sesame street!

Jonathan H.· 104 weeks ago

Was my birthday as well, and I also turned 32. Glad you’re still with us making people laugh

scarlettb· 104 weeks ago

My mother’s reaction when I asked her what she thought, “The CGI department has really mastered the throat-slitting effect.”

robgonzo· 104 weeks ago

If anyone wants to see how it goes down in the Books they should check out the Wiki of Ice and Fire. http://awoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/Red_Wedding

tl;dr· 103 weeks ago

I’ve watched the Game of Thrones and I have learned how it is played
I’ve seen characters rise and fall through dragons, plots, and blades
But underused the most powerful weapon still remains:
The rampant male organ of the one called Podrick Payne!Poor Ned “the Eddard” Stark thought his honor would see him through
But his attempt at Cersi-mercy merely got him screwed
Yet, would his sense of honor have left him feeling constrained
If he’d had just one night of beastly lust with Podrick Payne?Cersi and Jaime’s love broke Brandon’s back to stay hidden
And now the kingdoms are at war since these lovebirds are kin
But would their incest-driven urges still bear this war’s blame
If both these Lannisters rode, not horses, but Podrick Payne?

Theon Greyjoy was sent as ward (hostage) to Winterfell
Quoth dad: “You’ve forgot your kin!”, so he screwed the Starks as well
Yet, I propose he would have dropped the slight of kin long-slain
If his kraken got a smackin’ from the snake of Podrick Payne

King Joeffrey is a tosser-douche of the highest degree
An inbred piece of slime and filth scraped off a demon’s knee
Yet, would he . . . no, forget it, such a pairing I’ll refrain
He can’t deserve to be pleasured by Podrick fucking Payne!

The White Walkers, those buggers, killed another Stark (Benjen)
But whiney Jon Snow can’t kill them back sans obsidian
Sam DID stab one wight from behind, but still the point remains
What if he’d been stabbed in THE behind . . . by Podrick Payne?

And now we come to the events of this past Sunday’s eve
The Red Wedding (Bolton and Frey!!!) had left us all to grieve
But Walder and Roose might have relented had it been arranged
That, instead of Edmure, Robb had brought them Podrick Payne

There are characters still alive that leave us still with grins
Arya (she’s Batman!), Tyrion, Daenerys plus dragons
But all their tribulations could have been dodged and restrained
If all of Westeros had but a taste of Podrick Payne .

DuckAmuck· 103 weeks ago

Again, I say “I think it’s awesome that Arya gets to play Eddie Furlong with her own pet Terminator.”

AdinfinitumSpero· 103 weeks ago

I don’t think that table book was as realistic as advertised , I didn’t see any white stains

Mostly True Convention Stories: I’ve Just Made A Huge Mistake

Joel — Tue, 28 May 2013 04:55:47 +0000

Phoenix Comicon was a tonnage’o fun as always. David was my travel companion, roommate and life partner (con husband) for a week (also as always). Saturday night we had the very Arrested Development related debate illustrated in the panels above. At least the first two, maybe two and a half panels of it. In the end, we decided that wives were the way to go (plus the hotel Internet was so shitty, I expect it would have been a less than optimal viewing experience… also wives… yes, happy wives). I’ve been home for all of 14 minutes, so I am going to go sit in a familiar chair, in a familiar state that is (at least currently) below 100 degrees outside, eat some familiar leftovers and get my Bluth on.

COMMENTERS: Without getting into spoilers AT ALL, have you watched the new Arrested Development episodes? What are your initial thoughts? I am hearing bad things on twitter, but I am reserving judgement until I’ve seen them for (and blue’d) myself.

Comments (31)

@heroicraptor· 105 weeks ago

Don’t overhype it for yourself. It’s really funny. Look at the good, don’t try to dig for the bad.

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MrSueDenim· 105 weeks ago

Excellent advice. Make sure that you watch them in order to savour the funny. I just finished episode 15 and found it was impressively good how each episode connected with each other.

Season 5/The Movie can’t come out fast enough though.

Echelon Four· 105 weeks ago

I’ve seen about 6 of them. I thought they were good. The structure of each episode focuses on a particular character, rather than all episodes being everyone. I think that is what is causing the negative reactions. The show is still good, it just doesn’t live up to the impossible standards set for it.

negativsteve· 105 weeks ago

I didn’t care for the “Focus on one character per episode” format at first, but as I watched a few episodes and all of the pieces began to fit together, it began to grow on me. Now that I have burned through the entire season, I really enjoyed it. I am going to wait a week or two and burn through the episodes again, looking for details and subtleties that I missed the first time around.

Jordan· 105 weeks ago

I’ve honesty enjoyed it, even going in as a longtime fan. The whole season is one mega-story that builds upon itself, which means some jokes are only going to be caught on a second viewing. That said, it still feels like Arrested, and the long-term storytelling is enjoyable. The biggest burden is the catch-up for each character, but most have two episodes to spread their wings and have fun.

@borednihilist· 105 weeks ago

Strange; my tweeps have been reacting mostly positively to it, and having seen six episodes, I love it, and have only enjoyed the season more as it has progressed. I like the story structure; it will definitely repay rewatches.

theragingcelt· 105 weeks ago

When you get to Episode 11, you are going to be in for a shock.
I will say nothing else.
Except to make the bold statement that this Season of AD is the “Cloud Atlas” of sitcoms. Make of that statement what you will.

Orion M· 105 weeks ago

Season 4 is brilliant. It’s very dense, and it takes a couple episodes to build before everything starts falling into place. But it’s really, really good.

…it’s much darker than I anticipated. Much darker than anything that happened in the first three seasons. But still brilliant.

(Also, Seth Rogen as young George Sr. He’s very good!)

Dave Kinsella· 105 weeks ago

I’m 10 episodes in and it’s cleverly put together, I like the way the series gradually reveals more details in scenes that have already been shown. Also some very funny moments and great in-jokes from the first three series.

Zach· 105 weeks ago

Its brilliant, but you basically have to watch it all at once to get the brilliant mesh that exists. The pacing is actually wonderful, and I found the format and style to be a really nice break from the predictability of sitcoms.

KRW· 105 weeks ago

It’s SUPER meta. I remember it as being subtle meta before, but now it’s sort of like hard to relax and watch it. Every third second it’s like the creators are screaming “HEY GUYS! WE’RE A TV SHOW! WE’RE TOTALLY A TV SHOW! IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE WE ARE SELF-AWARE AND A TV SHOW!” Other than that, it’s pretty good.

Steven Don· 105 weeks ago

Little typo in the title there. “Convetion”. Anyway, off to watch AD.

redd galaxie· 105 weeks ago

The writing is amazing. I enjoyed the hell out of almost all of it. I didn’t really care for the ending. A few questions were left unanswered, and the end on an awkward note.

DuckAmuck· 105 weeks ago

I saw 1. The “making fun of our situation” jokes are clever as well as cleverly hidden.
My main thing was: wow – I’d forgotten all these people were in it, and THIS is what they look like now?

@sonochamp· 105 weeks ago

I liked this season, but it wasn’t as good as the previous 3. Go win with low expectations, because that’s where most of the disappointment on twitter came from. People set their expectations incredibly high after 6 years that it’s impossible for the show to meet said expectations!

brigidkeely· 105 weeks ago

I haven’t seen it yet because my husband’s all “but I don’t remember the previous seasons enough, so we must now watch them all, but I’m not going to propose this until the latest, newest season is out!” like a huge asshole. The promo looked really disappointing, though.

Cole· 105 weeks ago

This is a show I’ve been with since the second episode aired, and I was not disappointed. The altered structure means that there’s less progression per episode than many people may be used to, but we have half a decade of catching up to.

I loved it. A perfect balance of what makes Arrested Development what it is and new ideas and structure to keep things interesting.

@EmMaeKay· 105 weeks ago

I’m enjoying the new episodes immensely! There’s a wonderful mix of throwbacks to the existing jokes, and some new funny stuff as well. I don’t fully understand the flack, I guess.

Red· 105 weeks ago

It’s okay. I’m not rolling on the floor laughing like I used to be, but I don’t regret seeing it through either.

Candace· 105 weeks ago

I haven’t seen the show at all, I just wanted to say the 3rd panel is hilarious! The facial expressions, the body language – perfect!

deadrobot· 105 weeks ago

I dunno. I think “Sex with a man” would possibly enrage your spouses.

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Ali· 105 weeks ago

That was the punchline.

WorldMaker· 105 weeks ago

Binged over the weekend and thought it was great. It tells one continuous story (the last 5 years in the history of the Bluths) and so there was a strong temptation to binge all of it, which you may or may not want to try to avoid.

Ali· 105 weeks ago

I saw it. Loved it. Wish we got a little more tying-up of plot threads (especially GOB’s) but it was pretty great overall. No chicken dance though.

Liam· 105 weeks ago

So you played with David’s Transformers?

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The Unknown FB· 104 weeks ago

There may have been some shortpacked hijinks.

neminem· 105 weeks ago

Yep, that was me, only I was the one who made my girlfriend not watch it without me.

I’ve now watched about half of it, and I agree with the general consensus so far that the first couple episodes weren’t as good as the average AD episode, but subsequent episodes so far have not only been quite up to part with the best of them, but also retroactively made the first couple way funnier, too.

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neminem· 105 weeks ago

(Well, and she didn’t, obviously, decide to instead get it on with a girl while I was gone. At least, not to my knowledge.)

Videostoreguy· 104 weeks ago

Frankly, I was just happy to see AD back. It was like pizza: even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good. But the fact that we may never see new ones again weighs on me.

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emperorbailey· 97 weeks ago

You will see new ones.

Chaucer59· 99 weeks ago

Unsexiest bromance moment ever.

Avert Your Eyes

Joel — Fri, 17 May 2013 19:15:40 +0000

True story. Two true stories, actually, and both come from this year’s Calgary Expo. I did see John Barrowman (Doctor Who, Arrow, the concept of human beauty, etc) at the Calgary Airport, and I DID lose one of my senses. It wasn’t my sight, however. Instead I lost the power to make words come out of my face in an order and at a cadence or volume that another human being could interpret as speech. I said something like, “Mr. Barrowmaaaghhhh I GLAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHBBZZZZZZZZhurflhurfldurfl.” I’m sure he’s had enough practice at this point to know exactly what I meant. Something along the lines of, “You’re a neat guy who I like to see on my tv. Good job. Also, very pretty. Good that too.” Even with a month of reflection I still can’t make it eloquent.

The other true part of this story is the eclipse box part, which is the advice I gave to Wil when he was struck dumb by the fact that Lena Headey kept talking to him… ON PURPOSE, and putting her hands on his shoulders… ON PURPOSE and not throwing fire at his face… ON PURPOSE! She’s a very talented and very pretty lady, is the point we were examining.

PHOENIX COMICON BOOTH LOCATION CHANGE!!!

David and I will be at booth 243, NOT 1749 and NOT by the LEGOs. Come in the main entrance, hang a left and head to the back corner.

COME SEE ME AND DAVID IN PHOENIX, APRIL 23-26! ~~BOOTH 1749 way in the back by the LEGOs!~~ BOOTH 243! More details HERE.

COMMENTERS: Have you ever had a chance encounter with a celebrity or someone you admired? Did you manage to make face words sound good?

Comments (37)

Alexander Burns· 106 weeks ago

I met Summer Glau and was totally stunned by her gorgeous, gorgeous brown eyes.

The big one, though, was I ran into James Hong (Lo Pan from Big Trouble in Little China, Old Asian Guy in every other movie that needs an old Asian guy) while visiting friends in LA. I had ignored celebrity sightings prior to that, but him I totally geeked out on and had to go talk to. He was awesome and got his wife (I assume) to take our picture.

Dave· 106 weeks ago

I grew up outside of LA and live in San Diego. Years of exposure, Comic Con, and folks like you who are both insanely gracious with their time and very real normal people in person have robbed me of being excited by being in the same room with movie stars and such.

There are many folks like you who are who they are in the middle of the public. There are others who, when surrounded by fans, slip into actor-mode and resume playing a character. This isn’t a criticism of them, I can see the necessity. You do it to protect your privacy and core self… whether you realize it or not. But folks like you, Wil Wheaton, Felicia Day, Chris Hardwick who simply can’t help but be who they are (Or are even better at tricking me than the other guys) and the difference can be jarring but also normalizing.

I realized just how numb I had become when I was in line for a concert and a few band members were outside catching a smoke before the show. The drummer and the basist I believe… folks less immediately recognizable than some of the others. It took a moment for the crowd to realize who these folks were but once they did there was a line of giddy people excited to get their pictures taken and such. I didn’t get it. He’s just a dude.

BUT I’m not completely immune. For some reason professional athletes still surprise me. Poor Troy Polamalu and Paul Kariya never saw me coming =/ Also Mr. T. But C’mon. that’s Mr. T. I bet Momma Mr. T gets tongue tied when he comes to visit.

HikingViking· 106 weeks ago

At this point I actively avoid celebrities because, well mostly because nearly all of my celebrity encounters are similar to yours was with the Face-of-Beau. I think the last celebrity encounter I had was at the Emerald City Comicon. I stalked this artist’s booth, waited for his line to die down, and then went and nervously asked for a sketch of the majestic trash whale. The artist managed to understand my mumbling and did a fantastic sketch. The whole time I thought about saying something like “Your comic is seriously one of the highlights of my day”, or, “How are you so spot on with your assessments of geek culture?” But instead I just thanked him for the sketch and shuffled away. Damn celebrities!

Leah· 106 weeks ago

This is one of my favorite Hijinks Ensue comics ever. So much good stuff in every panel.

@persoconchii· 106 weeks ago

My glory moment is telling the keyboard player from a band I seriously like that … and my exact words were “the music was so loud it broke my head” …. 5 minutes later after my left ear could hear again did what I say reach my brain and …yeah

@danlewis84· 106 weeks ago

While on a trip to Los Angeles, I was hanging out after a comedy show hoping to get a picture with the comedians when I spotted JOSS WHEDON. I normally keep my composure when I meet famous people, however I fanboyed the fuck out when I saw him. I waited for someone else to ask him for a picture and once someone did, I pounced. I also said to him “I’m a fan of everything you’ve ever done, even if you did kill Wash”. Also, Amy Acker(Fred from Angel) was standing right next to him, and didn’t care at all. Such is the power of the Joss.

Ceri· 106 weeks ago

Meeting famous people makes me sweat profusely and say aweful condecending things that I REALLY DON’T MEAN. My mouth seems to uncouple from my brain in these moments. Neil Gaiman and John Green have had to suffer from this (I geek out over authors the most).

Hypersapien· 106 weeks ago

Wasn’t it Max Headroom?

Puja· 106 weeks ago

Once served Anthony Stewart Head when I used to work in PC World. I made the conscious decision that any attempt at non-computer-based conversation would result in me incoherently fanboying at him and embarrassing both him and me. So I very calmly put what he wanted to buy through the till and spoke no more words to him than to any other client.

Once he had safely left the store, I was able to go out back to the staffroom and hyperventilate.

Puja

Nakari· 106 weeks ago

I once, on a vacation, bumped into Stephen King. I ended up standing there, glassy eyed, trying to even say “Hello”. I think what ended up coming out was something like “HIILOVEYOURBOOKSYOU’RETHEREASONIAMTRYINGTOBECOMEAPUBLISHEDAUTHORIWANTTOHUGYOU!”…

Actually not a bad guy. He laughed and told me good luck with my writing, and gave me a little advice to the tune of: “You’re going to hate your early work, then look at your new work, and love your early work again. It’s a cycle”. I proceeded to have my brain leak out my ear, and forgot how to speak for a week afterwards.

Liam· 106 weeks ago

Almost saw Bill Murray here in Charleston. I was told that he was at the bakery next to the library that I work at but the bakery had just closed and I didn’t want to go over there just to see Bill Murray I wanted to treat it as something casual. “Oh I’m just in here to buy a cup of coffee and look it’s famed actor Bill Murray.” I could also see Stephen Colbert since he comes down here often.

njmckay· 106 weeks ago

I think it was in 2011 that I decided to spend much of my Fan Expo days in line for autographs. I was able to meet Kevin Sorbo, Tom Felton and William Shatner to name a few. Kevin Sorbo was by far the greatest person to meet, he even knew of the Scottish Festival our town holds every year, which was pretty cool. Even Tom Felton was great and awesome to communicate with.

I don’t think i’ve ever met a celebrity i’ve gone absolutely crazy over, but i’ve never really hero-worshiped any in my lifetime either. They are actors and their job is to entertain us, to that i’m grateful, but they are still people like you and me. (So i keep my bubbly giggles to myself and squeal after i’m out of earshot of them)

C. A. Bridges· 106 weeks ago

I’ve met celebrities, actors, directors, writers, politicians, and I’ve never had a problem making conversation or talking like a human person, except once: Terry Pratchett. I went completely blank. He couldn’t have been nicer or more patient, and by the time I went through his line the third time (I had a lot of books with me) I was nearly approximating actual speech.

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geekygirluk· 106 weeks ago

OMFG – If I had met Terry Pratchett, I would probably break down and cry. I mean, I love Joss and would have a hard time being coherent if I met him, but Pratchett is like a god to me.

@MasonLK· 106 weeks ago

I once carried Jon Pertwee’s luggage and managed not to trip or otherwise embarrass myself. Or say two words, because I knew if I opened my mouth I would gush.

missmushu· 106 weeks ago

As I work in a major international airport, I routinely see celebrities big and small at both their best and their worst.

The worst in my personal experience has to be Richard Dean Anderson. He used to pass through town regularly (on the ass end of a drunkening) and frequently made a complete fool of himself.

My all-time favourite traveller is Mark Sheppard (of Firefly, BSG, Supernatural etc.). I’ve dealt with him several times now and he is always polite and patient and gracious and he has the dreamiest voice! I always try to keep my cartoon hearts to myself because I have a very serious job to do but my co-workers have noted that my eyelashes work overtime whenever he comes through. I can’t resist.

Ali· 106 weeks ago

Not a chance encounter, but at the height of my obsession with a certain band, their guitarist played a gig with his side project band at a venue whose owner happened to be friends with my dad. I went into the green room to say hi and was a bit of a blushing idiot. He signed my band sweatshirt though and after the show he gave me a hug and said he’d seen me singing along and was glad I enjoyed the show. Squee.

@mr_graves· 106 weeks ago

I met Marina Sirtis when I was 14 and she made fun of the stupid thing I said: it was amazing.

In more recent years, John Hodgman did a live recording for “More Information Than You Require.” While wandering the streets of Brooklyn unsure of where the venue actually was (it was quite disguised), I looked around then said, “Or I could ask Jonathan Coulton for directions” as he walked up to the intersection. This was a few months after a friend of mine did an interview with him, so I managed to keep the conversation light and “Hey, I know so and so,” as we walked to the bar. At the show, John Hodgman made fun of me for not listening to NPR (afterwards he apologized, but I told him I laughed the hardest), and afterwards I got mildly hammered while talking about writing with Jackson Publick.

And after all that, as I got in the cab to head home, I wondered how the CRAP I managed to be suave when I’m a bumbling idiot on the BEST of days.

@laxfemmexnoir· 106 weeks ago

Well, I went to high school with Jimmy Moon and Zachary Levi (his younger sister was in my graduating class, and he was a year or two ahead of us). I have a picture of me and Mark Chavez from Adema. I almost drunkenly walked into Kevin Federline in Vegas. Oh, and a few months back, David Draiman called me stupid on Twitter (because Skyrim-caused sleep deprivation makes you misread things that you don’t catch until one of your favorite singers calls you stupid; I’m not, by the way).

amerikanuak· 106 weeks ago

Yeah, I met Alton Brown. He was waiting in the wings to go and be introduced. All I could think to say was, “Who cut your hair, man?” a la Sgt. Stadanko (Cheech and Chong). He responded, “Who cut yours?”. I think there was some sort of tie in with one of the episodes of his show, Good Eats, but I don’t remember exactly.

@Branwen71· 106 weeks ago

You know you have to make an eclipse box for Phoenix Comicon, right? Since Barrowman is going to be here?
My least-tongue-tied celebrity moment happened at the Phoenix Comicon a few years ago, with Marina Sirtis. I handed her an item to be autographed that completely surprised her – one of (Styx guitarist) Tommy Shaw’s solo CDs. She did a spoken-word piece on this album, since she knew him and his wife at the time when they were neighbors. We had a nice conversation about that. Most of my ACTUAL awkward moments have also happened at the Phoenix con, and I live in eternal nervousness anytime I step on the hotel elevator, because you never know who is going to be riding with you!!!

Satia· 106 weeks ago

I was listening (from Germany) to a radio-show David Tennant was in. It was very early and I had done a nightshift and I was alone in the office. So I wrote a mail into the studio, when they were searching for a few people from different countries for a conference-call with Mr. Tennant. AND THEY CALLED ME! So I had to try to talk to David Tennant on the phone – on air! – without making a fool out of myself I told him, that he had whispered into my ears all night – because I had listened to one of his audiobooks during work It was fun and I was a nervous wreck the whole day afterwards

J Wolf· 106 weeks ago

Everything about this comic and what was said about how “sentences” come out while speaking directly to a celebrity in the description are accurately me. I have experienced this lack of being able to form words in front of James Cromwell, Joely Fisher, Olympia Dukakis, Adam Baldwin, Felicia Day, Kevin Spacey, and even Tony Danza, and Robert Sean Leonard. Heck, I couldn’t even talk when I met comedians like Bill Engvall or Jeff Foxworthy. *sigh*

Shockingly ,despite my viewing them in near god-like ways, the few people I’ve been able to talk to are all from the Whedon “verse”. I was able to form nearly a complete sentence when I met Nathan Fillion and a few sentences when I met Joss Whedon and gave them each the Dr. Horrible/Captain Hammer figures I’d made for them. Though, I couldn’t tell you what I said, but my friends told me I was totally able to talk.

My only real celebrity win was totally chatting with Maurissa Tancharoen, Jed Whedon, and David Fury at an SDCC party back in 2010. There was talking, tweeting, and picture taking. Massively impressive for me.

Of course, now I also want to bring a pinhole box to SDCC this year.

Dean· 106 weeks ago

One time I walked into my local comic book store and Neil Gaiman was there, talking aboutBeowulf. He’s much shorter than you’d expect.

I could barely even look directly at him.

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Candace· 106 weeks ago

I met Howard Jones after a concert once when he was doing autographs, and was surprised to find myself looking directly into his face. (I’m only 5’1″, so he can’t be taller than 5’3″). I believe I managed to form at least one complete sentence and not make a total fool out of myself. He was really nice.

Candace· 106 weeks ago

Also, awesome comic, Joel! And yeah, Barrowman is dreamy. I’m fairly sure I would have done no better.

Queen Anthai· 106 weeks ago

In 2008 I ran into John Kerry in the French Quarter here in New Orleans. I was very drunk and in a hurry to catch the last streetcar. What comes out of my mouth? “I’m sorry you lost, man. I totally voted for you.”

Goddammit.

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Queen Anthai· 106 weeks ago

Christ. 2005 I meant. I can typing.

lou· 106 weeks ago

At WonderCon 2011, their last appearance in San Francisco for the foreseeable future, I moseyed around the DC booth and, despite not getting an autograph from Grant Morrison in one of the books he wrote, I got them from Judd Winnick, Geoffe Johns, Marv Wolfman, and Paul Levitz. Funny thing was, I was supposed to get Johns to autograph my friend’s Hardcover of Green Lantern: Rebirth, but I didn’t know which booth he was working at that weekend. But I got the book the next day, suckered up to Levitz by saying we like his Legion of Superheroes work (since he’d credited as Publisher when GL:R was made), and got him too sign it.

Scruff· 106 weeks ago

I was at a developer conference for Apple some years back, I hung around in the auditorium after the presentation to write some notes on my laptop. Munhead was buried in my work when I hear a ‘hi, what did you think of the presentation?” – looked up and it was Steve Jobs. I said ‘Gurkkhdhhu’. He turned and walked away.

MrSueDenim· 106 weeks ago

I bought a super fancy pass for the last con I went to and it included tickets for the after party. Which, silly me, I thought was just for the pass holders.

I realised my mistake when a hand dropped on my shoulder while I was at the bar and it was David Hasselhoff trying to get passed me. I stepped aside to another con goer to freak out only to be face to face (or chin to eyes with) Eliza Dushku. Turns out the party was just for the 40 of with us with fancy bastard tickets and all the celebrity guests.

Highlights of that night included chatting over cocktails with Alex Kingston (who is the most amazing woman I have ever met), and bumming a smoke off Tonks which Atreyu (FALCOR!) then lit.

After 5 minutes speaking with Alex (ohmygod thisisriversong you’retotallytalkingtoMrstheDoctor) I got so nervous I had to run to the toilets and vomit. Not my finest hour, but certainly my favourite night involving celebrities.

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geekygirluk· 106 weeks ago

Wow. That is the story. You totally win this one. I LOVE Alex Kingston, she does seem awesome! And Tonks and Atreyu? My childhood and adulthood collide! <3

Gordon· 106 weeks ago

I met Darth Vader in a target in the early 80’s. apparently they used to do promo shit like that back then. My little kid self shook his hand whilst terrified and said nice to meet you. As we’re getting our picture taken I told my step Mom “That hand didn’t stop Han Solo’s blaster!” It was close to becoming like that scene in the movie Elf when “Santa” visits the toy store.. Good times.

Koan the Barbarian· 106 weeks ago

I worked as a security guard at a TV studio and saw a few Celebrities of my local area going in and out and once or twice an international comedian and for the most part I was articulate and polite.

One time though… I was working weird hours that didn’t give me much chance to sleep so at about 6 in the morning on about two hours worth of sleep I let into the building the two hosts of a national show that reviews video games. To this day I have no idea why I did what I did next but I will forever remember bellowing out the name of the show at the top of my voice.

To their credit, they took it in stride.

Chaucer59· 99 weeks ago

Ursula K Le Guin, twenty years ago at a small get together of graduate students. Charming lady. Signed my dog-eared old SF Book Club copy of The Wind’s Twelve Quarters.

emperorbailey· 97 weeks ago

I was at the state fair once in Arizona, (not) coincidentally the day that Weezer would be playing a show there. My wife and I were walking through the food booths looking for a (fried) bite to eat, and drummer Pat came walking the other direction.
My eyes went wide and followed him as he walked past. My head turned a complete 180 degrees as he passed, snapping my neck and killing me instantly.
Okay, not really, I went up and got a photo with him.

Baskerville· 31 weeks ago

Got a picture taken with Barrowman and Doctors 5,6,7,8 in the same day. Managed to stutter out “Hello you guys are awesome thank you for doing the TV thing” or something along those lines. Then again, they did hug me. Incoherence is expected.

The Power Pot And The Meta Kettle

Joel — Fri, 17 May 2013 04:56:52 +0000

Here’s a Lo-Fi follow up to this comic about perceived racism in the world of spandex clad mighty men.

As a straight white dude, it’s often easy to forget that not everyone sees themselves represented (not accurately, mind you, but REPRESENTED none the less) in every conceivable form of popular media. That isn’t to say I have ever really identified with the muscle bound ab-havers of the various comic book universes, but I imagine it’s even harder to relate for the non-white, non-enpenised, no having-boners-for-the-opposite-sex types of people.

Michael B. Jordan on the Possibility of a Black Human Torch: “It’s 2013″

COMMENTERS: Are there any minority characters in comics, or other nerd media that strike you as particularly accurate portrayals? If you belong to any minority group, was there ever a character in fiction that you identified with in a special way? Ladies, feel free to answer this one too. Even though you’re half of all people, you are still pretty underrepresented in geek pop culture as far as I’m concerned.

Comments (18)

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@damnyouwillis · 109 weeks ago

there isn’t anybody in comics who loves taco bell as much as i do

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@Korbl · 109 weeks ago

Oh good. I was worried this would be more commentary on Marvel using an Irish actress as their prototype for Wanda Maximoff/Scarlet Witch in Avengers. Because using a Caucasian actress for a character who you’d have to look up the wikipedia fictional biography of the father off to know she’s not complete Caucasian is apparently totally racist…

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@yusaku777 · 109 weeks ago

As a fat white male, can we have MORE representation than just Bouncing Boy?

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2 replies · active 108 weeks ago

oneswellfoop· 109 weeks ago

Well, Plastic Man can represent us if he’s in the right mood

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tzeentchling· 108 weeks ago

You’ve also got Blob.

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Handigoat · 109 weeks ago

It’s not nerd media per say, but Charles Ramsey is MY f***in’ accurately portrayed hero.

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nonbeliever93· 109 weeks ago

Asian dudes do not get a lot of representation in Western media. Seriously, there are only so many John Cho characters I can cosplay as.

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2 replies · active 108 weeks ago

The Unknown FB · 108 weeks ago

You also don’t have any Native Americans really represented *well* at all.
Growing 50 feet tall is just…WTH for?

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Diggy · 108 weeks ago

The answer is Short Round.

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@AtheneNumphe · 109 weeks ago

Jewish superheroes. Shadowcat is the only one I can think of off the top of my head.

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4 replies · active 108 weeks ago

@BenMS · 109 weeks ago

Ben Grimm’s Jewish as far as I recall.

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lou · 108 weeks ago

So is the current Batwoman, Kate Kane. Also, she’s a lesbian.

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tzeentchling· 108 weeks ago

Sabra is Jewish – in fact, she’s the Israeli pseduo-Captain-America.

Also, just gonna leave this here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Jewish_supe…

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Ryan · 108 weeks ago

Well there is Magneto, who is sometimes a villain and sometimes a hero, especially in Marvels many alternate universes(seriously awesome in Age of Apocalypse).

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@seoulless · 108 weeks ago

Sherlock’s probably as close as I’m going to get on the Asexual front.

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Kryss LaBryn · 108 weeks ago

Spider Robinson is one of the few male authors who I’ve ever felt did a decent job at writing women. Also one of the very first, so far as I know, to have an asexual character. I suspect he’s doing a really good job on his black characters too, although not being black I can’t really say. They don’t read as token stereotypes to me, at least, and are just as much rounded people as any other race he might have in there.

Other than that, um… nice to see how well “The Princess Bride” did fencing, although that probably doesn’t count. Still, if you know anything about fencing at all, it was really, really good to see someone FINALLY get it right. Still pretty sure that doesn’t count, though.

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lou · 108 weeks ago

I remember Balacktus from Adult Swim’s Minoriteam. What a weird show.

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@Makaylastalks · 44 weeks ago

Hmm I am not sure I can think of a trans comic book hero my self.

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Secret Agent Man

Joel — Wed, 15 May 2013 09:16:57 +0000

[It’s 4:30am. I’ll color this one when I wake up.]

Coulson Lives! Yay! Except that sort of deflates the emotional impetus for the unification of the team in the 3rd act of The Avengers! Boo! I have complex and conflicting emotions about a thing just like one of Joss Whedon’s characters! Yay! Oh no, I’ve been killed tragically, just like one of… You get the idea.

I am, in a word (SPOILERS: The word in question is “very.”) VERY excited about Marvel’s Agents Of SHIELD. The full trailer make it look like a more fun version of Fringe. Not that Fringe wasn’t fun. This just looks MORE fun. Perhaps more light hearted. I really hope it manages to bring back that “comedy in the face of tragedy, but also totally solid action and complex story telling” formula that has been missing from TV for so long. I can’t think of a single show that’s melded those attributes without leaning too heavily on one in spite of the others since Firefly, or before that, Buffy. Wait… I’m sensing a pattern here.

As for J.A.R.’s super secret role, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he is “basically Luke Cage” without actually being called “Luke Cage.” Seems like something they might do in order to free up licensing for the character and give them more creative freedom with his powers and backstory.

COMMENTERS: So is it just me or are super heroes still overwhelmingly white? I know there are efforts being made to introduce more variety in the hero landscape (the new half-hispanic, half-black Spider-Man comes to mind), and I know I haven’t been a big comic reader since I was 14 (about 17 years ago), but I still don’t see much diversity among the metahumans. Though it seems DC is more diverse than Marvel. That could also be a total misconception on my part, but it SEEMS that way. You tell me.

Comments (49)

Stranger · 107 weeks ago

You can blame latent racism covered up as “being true to the character” in comic circles for that. If they make a NEW minority character, no one reads it because “theyre just trying to be PC”. If they change identities to a legacy character with a minority, all hell breaks loose. There really is no way to win, comic fans just dont seem to want diversity.

13 replies · active 97 weeks ago

Bruden · 107 weeks ago

I’d disagree with that claim. Comic fans do want diversity. The problem is that most of the attempts at diversity are legitimately retconning a character to be black now, which is retconning that all comic fans absolutely hate, or making a blatant clone of an existing character with a new name and also it’s not a white male because “look at us we’re being diverse shower us with praise and publicity for being PC in comics!” PR stunts still haven’t gone the way of the dodo.If you introduce a new character, who isn’t simply “blackverine” but is actually interesting on their own merits, and rather than scream to the assembled press of the world “look at us we made black spider man, we are so into this cultural diversity thing buy our stuff!” you actually just focus on the merits of the character as a character instead of as a black guy, comic fans will be interested.

So far the comic CREATORS haven’t been very interested in making characters that aren’t a white male without holding a giant press party to celebrate how great they must be for having the courage to introduce Captain Mexican American.

InkBlot· 107 weeks ago

While I agree with your statement, I have to say, I really would like to read an issue or two of Blackverine and Captain Mexican American. I am *really* trying to treat this topic with a serious analytical eye, but those names make me helplessly giggle.

@musicchan · 107 weeks ago

I have to agree with the first paragraph; it’s exactly what I was thinking. I’d love to see more original, diverse characters in comics that aren’t just thrown in to provide diversity and aren’t remakes of old characters, just given a different skin colour.I mean, it might seem like all the cool super powers are gone but you can make new heros who are their own person with their own lives and use old powers in new combinations. It just doesn’t seem that hard to me. Seems like people would rather spend their time re-branding old heros instead of making up new ones.

kingofmadcows· 107 weeks ago

But they change character race/ethnicity all the time. For example, there’s Ra’s al Ghul, Talia al Ghul, Bane, the Mandarin, all the characters in the Last Airbender movie, most of the cast of the Dragonball movie, characters in the Prince of Persia movie, the main character in 30 Days of Night, Katniss Everdeen, a certain character in Star Trek, etc.And that’s not even including the whitewashing of characters in media that are based on real people of other races.

@Geekphoria1 · 107 weeks ago

Aw, man, I JUST stopped nerdraging about that certain character in Star Trek.

Handigoat · 106 weeks ago

Scotty is black. Deal with it.

Kryss LaBryn · 107 weeks ago

Maybe “comic fans” don’t seem to want diversity because no one who would be interested in that is reading because they aren’t diverse. Kind of a vicious cycle.Perhaps they only hear from a vocal minority of readers and the bulk of them are pretty much fine with the idea, but don’t say anything. Like when people kept bitching because 90’s Justice League was funny, so they made it serious again, and then people bitched about that. I remember their replies in the letters pages: “Seriously?? Where the fuck were you people telling us we were doing it right back when we were ‘doing it right’?” (*paraphrased slightly).

I mean, it’s not like they have handled women particularity well in comics, and we’re about 50% of the population.

I suspect it’s similar to how, as a Heathen, I kind of both look forward to (because I have kids) and (mostly) horribly dread the day Disney discovers Norse mythology…

Jason· 107 weeks ago

Based on the treatment of Hercules, I expect a buddy romp between Thor and Loki that teaches the value of brotherhood and family.

bix · 107 weeks ago

Well the slashfic writers would be happy…

Candace · 107 weeks ago

Heh. It looks like they might be about to do that in the next Thor movie.

emperorbailey· 97 weeks ago

Ohana means family.

@besbev · 106 weeks ago

I want to see Disney explain Sleipnir.

Kirby · 106 weeks ago

In the words of Humon’s Sweden: IT WAS A REALLY PRETTY HORSE OKAY?!

@sandchigger · 107 weeks ago

My money’s on him playing Rage from the New Warriors. He’s basically a low-budget Hulk, literally in this case as they can have a super strong and tough guy on a weekly show and not have to spend a massive amount of cash on CGI-ing up Mark Ruffalo.

2 replies · active 106 weeks ago

PackRatAttack · 107 weeks ago

Plus if he plays Rage, Whedon can have fun with the whole ‘Big – Really a kid in a hero’s body aspect’

@sandchigger · 106 weeks ago

Yep. Assuming they didn’t just make up a new superhero out of whole cloth, I’m putting my money on him playing Rage.

Didu· 107 weeks ago

I wonder if white men in tights is a superhero thing because many of the iconic characters were created such a long time ago? I don’t really know as I don’t read that many superhero comics (except Hawkguy, it’s great, bro), but Marvel’s Miles Morales and Miss America Chavez don’t exactly have +40 years of history, do they? (Feel free to inform me of their origins, super fans!)Anyhow, I think the most diverse comic I read is Chew. Then again it’s creator-owned Image insanity about food-related…powers (nothing super about some of them), without a cape in sight.

1 · active 107 weeks ago

Candace · 107 weeks ago

I think you’re almost certainly right about the time frame issue. Most of the best-known superheroes were created long enough ago that racism was, unfortunately, still very much openly a part of U.S. society. Let’s face it, segregation existed in the U.S. South until the ’60s, and in the early to mid-’60s, the American music industry still had white artists “covering” R & B tunes by black artists. Anybody remember Pat Boone?Slavery in the U.S. may have been abolished after the Civil War, but racism most definitely was not, and still plagues us to some extent today. I think when it comes to comics, though, the current issue is the difficulties inherent in bucking tradition, and the the challenges of individuals to get new ideas through all the comic book equivalent of evil Fox Executive types.

@arjayman · 107 weeks ago

Can we compromise on @DonaldGlover as Avengers!Spider-Man, and Andrew Whitebread as features!Spider-Man?

1 · active 106 weeks ago

The Unknown FB · 106 weeks ago

Hee hee…”Andrew Whitebread”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7jtpy0lfBU

Ron · 107 weeks ago

I’m a 31 year old white male and I still read comics. I actually read the new spiderman. At first it felt like a PR stunt but they managed to make him interesting enough that I actually enjoy his story now. Having a black Nick Fury in ultimates was really weird at first but now that the movies are out it is what everyone expects. I guess all I’m trying to say is that comic fans hate change at first but, if you stick with it and don’t change it back in 6 months (see every comic book death ever except uncle ben) then the fans will adapt and accept.

1 · active 106 weeks ago

Stephen · 106 weeks ago

Black Spider Man…. Uncle Ben? http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_p8YgvHrH0ZA/TCk3EWE7iPI…

Alexander Burns· 107 weeks ago

To be fair, there aren’t a ton of characters created since the late ’70s who’ve really stuck around in general. If you sit down and make a list of iconic mainstream super characters, heroes and villains both, most of them are guys who were created back in the ’60s or earlier. They’ve been periodically updated and revised and re-imagined, but Spidey is still fighting Doc Ock, Batman is still fighting Joker, etc. Every now and then you have a new character make an impression, but in general the medium is resistant to change. Not really the medium, but, I dunno. The nature of serialized storytelling? Capitalism? Take your pick.Any new writers trying to create now have to cope with that as much as they do larger social issues like racism and sexism.

DuckAmuck · 107 weeks ago

Not only are most superheroes white, most superheroes are male. There’s a great lack of diversity.I think a lot of it stems from simply the fact that the original comic creators were white males. The early female superheroes were created as eye candy and not as full-fledged heroes themselves. (how many times has Wonder Woman needed to be saved?)

Diversity can’t just be added without being hackneyed. TV has already proven that. White guys can’t believably write black guy parts or latina female parts. Has to be natural.

BTW, watching some Avengers cartoons recently. I SO BADLY want an episode (or comic, whatever) that focuses on the superheroes’ girlfriends, complaining about what a jerk he is for leaving all the time to “save the day”. I so want to see or read that.

1 · active 106 weeks ago

Bryce · 106 weeks ago

I think the problem with white guys writing black guy or latina female parts is that they then define the parts as the race and not the person. If somebody tries to write a “white guy” part it comes off as similarly hackneyed. This is actually pretty difficult to pull off well, because when we assign a race to a character we try to write the character to embody that race, which leads to the stereotypes. Of course the counter problem is that if a character *doesn’t* fit the stereotypes it’s criticized.

Chenrezi · 107 weeks ago

The only major black superhero I can think of offhand is Jon Stewart as Green Lantern. He had a pretty good run on Justice League as a main character. I was talking with my roommate the other day about how they missed a big chance when they didn’t make HIM the main character for the Green Lantern movie, but of course Hal Jordan is more “classic”…

Grady · 107 weeks ago

Sorry, but Jeffrey Bell, the show’s executive producer, said in an interview that the superhero played by J. August Richards isn’t Luke Cage.

Citizen Alan · 107 weeks ago

I’m really disappointed at the great opportunity they missed with Coulson — they should have had him show up in Thor 2! He died in combat against an Asgardian, so is entitled to join the Einerjar in Valhalla. From there, he could have followed Thor around during the plot of Thor 2 (a reversal of the fish-out-of-water story from the first movie) and then been rewarded with resurrection by Odin at the end.

@Nyx_Strange · 107 weeks ago

That’s… Actually a damn good idea, Citizen Alan. Chenrezi, my first top of my head black supers are Storm, Jon Stewart, Static Shock, Bishop, Black Panther, and I think the X-dude who just married his boyfriend was black..? And I’m certain there’s gotta be more black X-persons they could use… Didu, just read Chew myself, cool book! Really original, liked it a lot.

2 replies · active 107 weeks ago

Allen · 107 weeks ago

The boyfriend was black. Northstar isn’t.

@Nyx_Strange · 107 weeks ago

Ah, okay, I just remember the cover, haven’t read that arc. Thanks!

@JonS253 · 107 weeks ago

The only gay X-Men I know about are Northstar (who I think is on the main team these days) and Rictor (in X-Factor). Rictor’s Hispanic, for what it’s worth.I thought at first that Hoody Guy was Luke Cage. I was apparently mistaken. I guess, given the powers we saw displayed, that leaves us with Rage, or perhaps Miles Morales (since Sony still has the rights to Peter Parker tied up, that could give us *some* kind of Spider-Man in Avengers continuity…).

3 replies · active 106 weeks ago

lou · 107 weeks ago

I just watchted the trailer, and the hooded jump-out-of-the-building guy looked definitely Luke Cagey

@CX316 · 106 weeks ago

Ultimate Colossus was gay too… I think the only other one I remember from Ultimate X-Men may have been the ultimate version of Northstar… I can’t remember the issue very well other than him getting shot by Sinister.

@RHaseman · 106 weeks ago

Marvel/Disney owns the TV rights to ALL Marvel properties, Spiderman included, they just don’t own the Movie rights.

Nevest · 107 weeks ago

As a comic fan from semi-way back, perhaps you are familiar with the concept of a SHIELD Life Model Decoy (LMD)?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life_Model_Decoy

hijinksensue· 107 weeks ago

Super proud of you guys for looking at this thing from every angle and posing to really valid arguments. I guess it boils down to the “superhero” is a throwback from a less evolved, less integrated time, comics fans are resistant to change, positive change on the part of the publishers almost ALWAYS comes across as a PR stunt even when it (rarely) isn’t and changes that aren’t well received lead to slow sales which leads straight back to the status quo. Comics are a weird animal.

1 · active 107 weeks ago

@CX316 · 107 weeks ago

Sadly the slow sales tend to drag down the decent stuff that isn’t just status quo, no matter who the character is. Irredeemable Ant-Man for example only made it a year, and that was an amazing series written by one of the best writers in the field.

@CX316 · 107 weeks ago

Wait, who isn’t white in DC?Marvel has, like, Power Man (Luke Cage), Falcon, Black Panther, Goliath (well till Ragnarok killed him), Sunfire, half the cast of Heroes for Hire, one of the guys from the previous team of Thunderbolts, Ultimate Spiderman, Skin, M, War Machine, Warpath, most of the recurring characters of Scarlet Spider, Nick Fury (the main universe’s Fury went Samuel L Jackson since the movie), Radioactive Man, *thinks* one of the young avengers… I think his name was Patriot… *thinks* I know I’m missing a whole bunch… then you have the ones who are green or alien. Basically any time you get an ensemble cast it becomes at least relatively diverse….

All I can think of for DC is Martian Manhunter being green, Batwing, one green lantern… um…

2 replies · active 106 weeks ago

lou · 106 weeks ago

DC has Batwing (Batman Inc.’s operative in the Congo), Static Shock, Mr. Terrific, Katana, half the cast of the current Teen titans, Batwoman (Jewish Redhead Lesbian and possibly Bruce Wayne’s cousin), Steel, Vibe, Cyborg, quite a few Earth-2 characters, Black Bat a.k.a. Cassandra Cain (Batman Inc.’s operative in Hong Kong), Ra’s al-Ghul and Talia, and I’m sure there’s a bunch of non-white humans in the Legion of Superheroes. So they’re no slouches when it comes to diversity.Also, you left out a bunch of X-Men in your list, and the black Nick Fury in the main Marvel Universe is the long lost son of the original Nick Fury. He made his debut after the Fear Itself event, along with his best friend, Phil Coulson.
Damn, it feels good to be a geek!

@CX316 · 106 weeks ago

Ah, explains how I missed the handover. I skipped out on Fear Itself after about three issues. That family has terrible luck with eyes, eh?

Wilson R · 107 weeks ago

Just some of the minorities from the current DC Heroes – Cyborg, Blue Beetle, Vibe, John Stewart, Bunker (Mexican and Gay), Batwing, Katana, Black Lightning (Although I think officially he’s just Lightning Now), Firestorm, the Engineer.I don’t think you can really say either one of the big companies is really any more or less diverse, both have been making efforts.

But more than just ‘race-washing’ a popular character to add diversity, the true success stories come from taking an established B or C list character and making them relevant and interesting. Spending time and effort on promoting minority characters is the far better path. Both Cyborg and Luke Cage are/have become far more popular and prevalent due to the effort of creators to include them in an organic way.

1 · active 107 weeks ago

@CX316 · 107 weeks ago

Luke Cage may have gained popularity in his Avengers story lines, but sadly he was the lead of one of the worst runs of Thunderbolts in some time… y’know, other than the incredibly horrific new Thunderbolts series that makes me want to gouge out my eyes.

@DenaghDesign · 107 weeks ago

I’d like to think he’s playing Gunn, years after taking out Wolfram & Hart.

Bryce · 106 weeks ago

It’s a long shot, but I’d like to see a stab at making him a new superhero that doesn’t feel like a bargain bin rip-off of some other superhero. Difficult since there’s a bajillion old ones.

Valerie · 106 weeks ago

I’m kind of hoping he’s playing Eli Bradley (Patriot) from the Young Avengers

Noah · 106 weeks ago

They’ve said that Richards is playing a wholely original character.

emperorbailey· 97 weeks ago

Hahaha! I just watched this video about “black cosplay.” Anyone who just read these comments should watch it. It’s enlightening. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBa9AlDJDMY

The Darkest Timeline, Indeed

Joel — Mon, 13 May 2013 21:36:37 +0000

Don’t forget about submitting your entry to the HijiNKS Ensue 6 Year Anniversary Fancy Bastard Fancy Fan Art Contest. Submissions are due this Friday. THERE ARE PRIZES! Details HERE.

Phoenix Comicon is in 2 weeks (May 23-26)! I will be there with David Willis at Booth 1749. Would you like to be our intern for the weekend? We can offer a con badge that will get you in, probably some lunch and in return you’ll get to work at our booth, getting shirts, making change, etc. We’ll make sure you get time to check out the show as well. Email comics at hijinksensue dot com.

The only comfort I took during the final 30 minutes of this season of NBC’s Community is that it was likely THE ACTUAL FINAL 30 MINUTES AS IN FOREVER. With creator Dan Harmon gone the spirit of the show has progressively tanked all season. The characters have become parodies of themselves, which is no small achievement considering that USED to be part of the fun of their dynamic. When handled with subtlety and smarts, self-parody can be the foundation of some very endearing moments. With this season, Community has replaced subtlety and smarts with a sledgehammer and a pie in the face. It reads like bad fan-fiction. At it’s core (considering the driving creative force behind its inception is long gone) it IS bad fan-fiction.

My friend, and Leverage co-creator, Jon Rogers said to me, “…You wanted #community so now you’re going to EAT EVERY BIT OF IT. Monkey’s Paw, #community fans. Goddam monkey’s paw.” He’s right. Community fans made a deal with the TV Devil, and he’s a dirty dealer. They traded Community’s soul so that it could have a longer life. But is it really Community? Is it even alive? ZOMBIE TV SHOW ATE MY BRAINS! Coming this fall to NBC.

The only thing incorrect about Rogers’ statement is I (ME, the actual ME) did NOT want Community without Dan Harmon, just like I didn’t want a final, bizarro season of Scrubs, just like I didn’t want and continue to not want more seasons of The Simpsons or Futurama. Do like Jerry did. Leave on a high note and leave ’em wanting more.

[Thanks to Mikey and an actual Yaoi I saw at SDCC for inspiring today’s alt-text.]

COMMENTERS: Which show or fiction series (books? do they make… books?) do you wish had been cancelled before it was and why?

Comments (45)

Cozworth · 107 weeks ago

remember how everyone was on about 6 seasons and a movie?

I’m pretty sure it’s worked like a monkey’s paw. We’ll get our 6 seasons and a movie and in the end it’ll be like watching a car crash in slow motion, we all know it’ll be horrible, but we just can’t look away.

@sandchigger · 107 weeks ago

I kinda wish the fifth season of Babylon 5 either never happened or happened as originally written, rather than having the fourth and fifth seasons smooshed together into one season and then being surprise renewed for a fifth season after the story was finished.

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2 replies · active 107 weeks ago

Kryss LaBryn · 107 weeks ago

Came here to say that.

When it looked like it wasn’t going to be renewed, JMS got the major plot points wrapped up for the end of the fourth season, not wanting to leave fans hanging if there wasn’t a fifth. And I’m not suuure if the problem was that there was a fifth season after the pre-existing threads were more or less tied up, since he’d basically ditched the teep war thread in order to be able to fit it all in, so it’s not like he just pulled something out of his ass. I think it’s more that the fifth season was, well, kind of awful. It has some great Bester moments, but Jesus, Byron. Pun kinda sorta maybe intended. It just wasn’t the B5 we’d had for the first four seasons, and while it was still probably better than most other shows on TV at the time, it was still… yeah.

I can happily ignore season five in its entirety. Didn’t bother getting it on DVD. And frankly, “Sleeping in Light” at the end of season 4 is my favourite episode ever, I think. It is a really well-done finale to the series, and I just don’t think there was a NEED for more B5 after that. In the context of the series. Which was about the Shadow War, and stuff. More B5 *stuff* would definitely be cool. I’m still pissed about Crusade, and how long ago was that? Gods damn you, Time-Warner. Gods damn you.

Jason· 107 weeks ago

Isn’t “Sleeping in Light” on the Season 5 DVDs, though? I know it was filmed at the end of Season 4, but it wasn’t broadcast until Season 5.

I honestly didn’t think Season 5 was that bad. It just… wasn’t that good, either, I suppose. I liked the ideas, and seeing some of those plot threads resolved was kind of nice. I think it was–almost literally–anticlimactic. Or perhaps post-climactic. Anyway, I didn’t dislike it, but I can skip it on a rewatch without any guilt, too.

Besides, it wasn’t nearly as bad as Legend of the Rangers. Does B5 fan orthodoxy even consider that canon? I know I don’t.

Mike Konecny · 107 weeks ago

As I watched season 4, it felt as though my heart was being ripped out of my chest. With the finale I felt a sigh of relief as if I could finally come to term with the death of a loved one. With the announcement of season 5, I realized I will have to go through that horror again. This is the darkest timeline!

tudza · 107 weeks ago

One swell poop?

UnitedShoes37 · 107 weeks ago

Geez. Why is so much of this season’s TV making me feel like Butters in “The China Probrem”? Y’know, “I don’t know, I thought it was pretty good.”

I mean, I had my doubts about Community without Dan Harmon (and I still say the whole, Harmonless season should’ve been set in the Darkest Timeline), and I was as confused as anybody during “Journey to the Center of the TARDIS”, but I don’t feel like whoever took over Community this season or Steven Moffat have been raping our good friends Abed and the Doctor. They’ve just stumbled a bit. There were some genuinely enjoyable moments in this short season of Community, and they got Neil Gaiman to come back and write another spectacular Whopisode, not to mention Diana Rigg managing to be even more snarky and almost as delightful as she is as one of the greatest C-characters in all of A Song of Ice and Fire.

Is all the hyperbole really necessary? Hell, maybe, just maybe, if we show Community the same love we all showed it when we thought it was going to get murdered, the current showrunners will find their footing a bit more, and we all know Doctor Who isn’t going anywhere, even if Clara’s plot goes even more batshit than “The Overly Compressed Narrative of River Song” (a.k.a. “Let’s KIll Hitler!”)

1 reply · active 107 weeks ago

tomspeelman· 107 weeks ago

See, THATS why I kept watching…because it’s still a lot of fun despite the stumbles. Next year, Community will finds its footing and things will be great.

Riff · 107 weeks ago

It’s been so depressing watching season 4. Community used to always be the last show I watched on a Friday night, but now I’ll watch it first to get it out of the way, if I even bother to watch it at all.

One of the worst things about it is all the fans who say “It’s still good! It’s still good!” like Homer chasing the pig down the river. I’m going to stab the next person who says, “I guess I just like liking things,” in reference to the show.

Legendary Teeth · 107 weeks ago

As someone part way through the third season of Community, my question is: where do I stop? I am happy for the show to go out on a high note in my own mind.

1 reply · active 107 weeks ago

@borednihilist · 107 weeks ago

My first exposure to Community was season 3 as it aired. I loved it. When I heard there was a season 4, I was skeptical, when I heard it was without Harmon I was furious. I watched season 4 until “Alternative History of the German Invasion” and that didn’t make me laugh a single time. So I quit, and consider the season 3 finale the series finale (I think it’s quite good as that, and Harmon did intend it to be able to function as one). Recently I finally was able to watch seasons one and two of Community and obviously it only made me love the show more. Hopefully I’ll be able to purchase the first three seasons soon, and watch them all again.

Tom327Cat · 107 weeks ago

Oh My Gosh Yes! Firefly! By “Heart of gold” the series was really beginning to show it’s age and feel tired. When I saw “Objects in Space” I knew It had jumped shark hard. Thank goodness Joss was smart enough to not try and push a TV special to wrap up loose ends.

2 replies · active 107 weeks ago

Stephen · 107 weeks ago

You have angered the gods. Beware… they are coming for you.

@lzyglutenfremom · 107 weeks ago

he’s doing that on purpose.. he wanted to see if the internets would implode…

Khel · 107 weeks ago

I firmly believe that Scrubs ended at season 8 and this fabled 9th season people talk about were just the fever dream of an emotionally disturbed sociopath

w00hoo · 107 weeks ago

I played BtVS rpg with someone who’d only watched to the end of Season 5. That was a good enough line to draw beneath it for him. Because the rest of us had seen all 7 he finally caved and watched the last two. He wished that he hadn’t.

While I love Supernatural, I’m only watching it because it’s there. I’d have been comfortable with them finishing when they said they would…

1 reply · active 106 weeks ago

The Unknown FB · 106 weeks ago

For me, the way they ended Angel at Season 5 by being yank-cancelled in favor of more fraggin’ *Charmed* really ticked me off, and to this day I really don’t care to watch 90% of the Big 4 broadcast’s shows.
The ending to the season/series mostly wrapped things up and left a good set up for the comic series, but still felt rushed at the end, and bummed me out.

Unrepentantfangirl · 107 weeks ago

For books Alex Rider. After book five they should have just said no. Oh god. Please no.

Wesley · 107 weeks ago

Mostly every sitcom right now.. 2 and a half men, the big bang theory, how I met your mother.. I stopped watching all of them.

It annoys the crap out of me when series that used to be based on humor eventually start relying on vicarious shame and call it comedy.

Didu· 107 weeks ago

Chuck, anyone? They were sorta prepared for the axe, the season 2 finale could have been a… well, not maybe a perfect ending, but an ending nevertheless. The show got renewed but I can’t compare its actual ending to s2 because at some point I lost interest or something. It was fun to watch but nothing to obsess over, maybe I’ll watch the rest if I have nothing else to do.

As for Community, a friend promised to have an introductory season 1 marathon with me if I swore to never watch season 4, nor acknowledge its existence.

1 reply · active 107 weeks ago

Mitch H. · 107 weeks ago

Yeah, same here. Third season just kept getting worse and worse until I never even finished the last two or three episodes. As artificial as it was, the Masquerade was necessary to keep the show inflated. Once they started letting the non-spies know what was going on, they lost the balance of the show.

Kryss LaBryn · 107 weeks ago

This is going way, way, way back in time, but remember the old “Beauty & the Beast” TV show on CBS at the end of the Eighties? Yeah, they could have ended that one about two-thirds of the way through the second season. The third season was completely unnecessary and completely changed the tone of the series, to make it more attractive to the 18-24-year-old male demographic, when a large part of its appeal was that it was one of the few shows at the time that were NOT already aimed there. It was a bit like if, for the new season of, say, “Once Upon A Time,” they decided to cross it with “The Unit”. Not that “The Unit” wasn’t a great show, but it’s not what “Once Upon A Time” is about. It was a pretty big slap in the face to people who actually liked what they were already doing with it.

–Shut up. I was seventeen, okay?

Bill Murphy · 107 weeks ago

Roseanne.
I loved that show. A comedy about a financially struggling family. In the final season (8 or 9) they won the lottery of 100 million dollars. They continued to live in their three bedroom house and fix it up a bit.
When I think of that show, all I remember was that last awful season.

Cherie · 107 weeks ago

For books: I would say any Piers Anthony Series that went more than 3 books. If he starts a world with the idea that he is only going to write a specific number they tend to be good all the way through (Blue Adept), but if it is more open ended, he takes a major nose dive after the 3rd book (Xanth, Incarnations of Immortality)

@borednihilist · 107 weeks ago

I’m behind on both Leverage and Burn Notice, but I feel like they probably didn’t need to last as long as they have, even though I quite enjoy them. I’m glad Dexter is ending soon, but I don’t dislike the Julia Stiles season as most seem to. As for the BSG finale, I think I’m one of the few who liked it!

3 replies · active 107 weeks ago

Joe A· 107 weeks ago

I liked the BSG finale too! I often feel like that may have been because I hadn’t watched it as it aired, but all at once (or rather compressed over a few weeks) after the series was done. It probably lessened the potential disappointment because I had no time to speculate on where things were going, and ultimately disappointed that it didn’t line up with my expectations.

@borednihilist · 107 weeks ago

That’s a really insightful thought; I watched the show the same way. I watch most shows that way, actually, because there’s no way to keep up with everything I’m interested in! And anyway, I didn’t even know about BSG while it aired. I surely didn’t speculate a whole lot either because I was just always engaged in what was happening. I could never watch just one episode of BSG at a time!

@AlyredTheEvil · 107 weeks ago

Leverage stumbled a bit during some episodes of seasons 4 and 5, but overall had some really good episodes those last few seasons. The series finale, though, was excellent. Quite a rough ride but worth it in the end. I wish more shows ended so well.

Joe A· 107 weeks ago

LOST. As much as that show was based on the mysteries and the questions it posed, I would have rather it got cancelled before the sixth season could air. I’d rather have dealt with the nagging questions about what it all meant than had almost everything explained poorly.

1 reply · active 107 weeks ago

agarda· 107 weeks ago

something was explained?

Bruceski · 107 weeks ago

Babylon 5 is one of the famous shows affected by cancellation threats. It had been planned for five seasons, but was going to be cancelled after the 4th so they condensed all the plot resolution into that season. Fans loved the plot-dense pace, and it got renewed for a 5th, leaving Straczynski to scramble for things he could do with a story that was done.

1 reply · active 107 weeks ago

Bryce · 107 weeks ago

And of course when I typed this it wasn’t showing any other comments, for some reason.

Jason· 107 weeks ago

For books, I’d have to go with the Ender series. It should have stopped when the original series stopped (i.e., Ender’s Game, Speaker for the Dead, Xenocide, Children of the Mind). Going back and filling in every nook and cranny of that universe really just detracted from what made the originals so appealing. I think the Bean books especially detracted from the character of Ender (“Ender is a super genius and that’s why he’s the hero BUT WAIT BEAN WAS REALLY A BIGGER GENIUS ALL ALONG.”)

Of course, in the end, the author retroactively ruined my enjoyment of those books much more than all the other works in the series, so… *shrug*

2 replies · active 97 weeks ago

njmckay· 107 weeks ago

I so agree!! And he keeps coming out with more filler for the Ender’s universe. The original series was enough, and I too think that making Bean more of a genius than Ender sort of stabbed his character in the back.

That being said…. MOVIE!

emperorbailey· 97 weeks ago

I loved the “Shadow” books.
They were a completely different feel, with the international sociopolitical maneuvering instead of family problems or whatever “Speaker of the Dead” was about. The villain was really terrifying, and seeing Peter’s change from a kind of scary kid into a decent leader was also fascinating.

DuckAmuck · 107 weeks ago

Personally I think the whole season of Community would have played better in its ACTUAL timeline – not this weird “every winter holiday in early spring” bullshit.
NBC is more at fault than anyone related to this season of Community.
Next year, watch the episodes at their correct times of year, and everything will be more easily understood.

Liam · 107 weeks ago

X-Files. Those last few years without David Duchovny and with Robert Patrick and that other woman was just unbearable.

WorldMaker · 107 weeks ago

Teeth, the Season 3 finale was Dan Harmon’s attempt to leave on a high note. There are some mixed opinions of it, but it means well and nearly, very nearly, ties a bow around S1-S3.

Anyone else notice a chalkboard in the S4 finale taunting us with the “Six Seasons and a Movie”?

That said, I actually somewhat liked the S4 finale. It WAS an attempt at a paintball finale (albeit without committing to anything like the old wanton damage of show sets). It hit a lot of the right notes and nearly proved the new writers room have almost gotten it. Biggest complaint was the cop out “it was all a dream”, because S1-S3 spent so much time subverting that. I think if they had owned that choice, and pushed for the crazy Sci-Fi consequences we all might actually be somewhat looking forward to an S5 that could be the closest thing to a half-hour comedy Fringe we might ever see…

Tara · 107 weeks ago

NCIS. I stopped watching after season 8 because even then I could hear it’s death rattle, and keeping it going now is just a cruel kick to the groin of what it used to be. I don’t understand why consistently the worst shows on TV keep getting the highest ratings, like Two and Half Men and How I Met Your Mother. I guess people watch them out of habit, like they’re tricking themselves into thinking it’s still worth their time.

1 reply · active 106 weeks ago

Gregory · 106 weeks ago

Respectfully disagree, it’s had some rough patches, but this past season with Ziva and DIrector Vance on the warpath has been pretty awesome and the finale was great. I’m actually shocked it’s been able to avoid getting stale. Just my two cents.

tomspeelman· 107 weeks ago

Maximum Ride…after James Patterson made the kids anti global warming vessels for no reason at the end of Book 3, along with the Stupid ending of that book, I gave up. Those are the only Patterson books I’ve ever read and it’ll probably stay that way.

Kryss LaBryn · 107 weeks ago

This is going way, way, way back in time, but remember the old “Beauty & the Beast” TV show on CBS at the end of the Eighties? Yeah, they could have ended that one about two-thirds of the way through the second season. The third season was completely unnecessary and completely changed the tone of the series, to make it more attractive to the 18-24-year-old male demographic, when a large part of its appeal was that it was one of the few shows at the time that were NOT already aimed there. It was a bit like if, for the new season of, say, “Once Upon A Time,” they decided to cross it with “The Unit”. Not that “The Unit” wasn’t a great show, but it’s not what “Once Upon A Time” is about. It was a pretty big slap in the face to people who actually liked what they were already doing with it.

The Unknown FB · 106 weeks ago

I’m thinking about “Enterprise”, not necessarily charitably, but how it got cancelled in a very cruddy way in Season 4, after starting to get good.
IMO, the showrunners needed a kick in their aft warp coils about 1.5 seasons earlier to get on the stick and write some good character-driven stories.
The way that series was handled and ended basically killed off TV versions of Trek to this day, sadly.

Alyson · 106 weeks ago

I realized it was horrible when Abed wore a Doctor Who shirt. That shit wrinkled my brain.

emperorbailey· 97 weeks ago

Joel: I just shotgunned Simpsons Season 24, and its getting better. They write stories with real character development, and take bigger chances, instead of like “this is what Homer would do in Brazil.” Better gags, more realistic characters. More rewarding all around.
Also, I think from Season 23, the episode called “The Book Job” was as funny as any Season 8 episode.

Lights Out

Joel — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 07:51:24 +0000

I AM GOING TO BE IN CALGARY THIS WEEKEND FOR CALGARY EXPO!!! Details HERE.

Writing this at 3am when I should be leaving the house to catch a plane… nowish. Revolution officially went nanobotsbananapants. If you haven’t given up already, now’s a good time.

COMMENTERS: What’s the longest you ever stuck with a show that you hated, hoping that it would improve? For me it was Smallville, seasons 5-10. Or was it 6-10? Or was it 1-10?

Comments (36)

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@HunterBlackComx · 112 weeks ago

I stuck it out with Lost much longer than I should have. I just wanted answers. I hated it but I wanted answers. I gave up after the season premiere of the final season. I just couldn’t make myself care enough anymore.

Same with Smallville. I gave up in the final season, and then went back for the finale, hoping for tights and flights, and not really getting either. I was disgusted.

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Kirby · 112 weeks ago

I can honestly like anything. Sit me in front of a TV show, movie, whatever, I’ll enjoy myself no matter how bad it tends to be. However, in Charmed I kind of have the reverse effect. I enjoy the show as a whole, but I really kinda don’t like Prue, and I can’t bring myself to just pick up the series after she leaves. So I’m forcing myself to wade through her episodes until I get through to the next part.

I decided to skip Revolution, just from the tweets it was getting on the premiere night. I also don’t tend to watch a lot of TV when it premieres, or anything like that. I don’t generally stop watching a TV show because I dislike it, I generally stop watching it because I stop catching it on TV, something else catches my interest and I stop for a bit with the intention of coming back, or I just stop watching TV for a while. If there’s a show I really like, I usually finish it/what’s available in one or two shots, then wait for more, or move on.

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2 replies · active 111 weeks ago

Neph Sy · 112 weeks ago

I watched a few episodes of Charmed back when it was televised, with a “meh” reaction. Recently tried watching the first few episodes, but could not get past how much that “Power of 3” chanting grated on me. Charmed was written for teens and pre-teens. The magic powers on it is so simple, the kind of stuff I used to wish for and dream when I was a child, that I can’t stomach it now.

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Poodles McGee · 111 weeks ago

Charmed was mostly just establishing shots of San Francisco (great drinking game, shots every time you see Golden Gate Bridge, everybody passes out during first episode). But the whole, crappy series served one single purpose for one single moment of awesome.

In the commentary for Buffy S7 ep7, “Conversations with Dead People” (the best! the creepiest!), Drew Goddard says they had so many problems trying to film the episode, that towards the end of the very long night he was laying on the floor crying “I don’t wanna do this anymore, just put on an episode of Charmed!”

I love that. Whenever I’m having a ridiculously hard time with something that’s too important to blow off, I work up a tear and say the same thing. Then I suck it up and make something awesome anyway.

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@shayzgirl · 112 weeks ago

No matter how hard I try, I keep getting sucked back into Supernatural. I can honestly say I was done with that show middle of season 6, yet I’ve kept watching. I miss a few eps here and there, but somehow I end up watching again and again and again. And yet half the time I’m sitting there asking myself why I’m watching it.

Besides the main two characters, they’ve killed off almost all of my favorites. The best I can hope for it a decent ending to the show that doesn’t shit all over everything that I do like about it.

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2 replies · active 112 weeks ago

Neph Sy · 112 weeks ago

It’s not a show I hate, but it’s a guilty pleasure. Sometimes I can’t believe this monster of the week/yearly apocalypse show is still on. It’s the humor that keeps me watching.
****SPOILERS BELOW****

Dang, I really liked the Benny character and was hoping he was going to become a regular.

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lou · 112 weeks ago

I hear ya on Supernatural. Season 6 was hit-and-miss because the showrunners never expected to make it past the 1st 5 seasons they planned out, so they passed the head-writer duty to someone else, for Seasons 6 (meh) and 7 (bleh). Now it’s on Season 8 with someone else in charge and it’s much better now.

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sandchigger · 112 weeks ago

I’m the one guy who watched the entire run of Cult hoping it would start to be not crappy.

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2 replies · active 112 weeks ago

Neph Sy · 112 weeks ago

You must have a strong constitution, the only thing I liked about Cult was Robert Knepper…he does intense and creepy so well.

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sandchigger · 112 weeks ago

I kept thinking to myself that maybe it would all tie together in some brilliant, awesome fashion. I did like the idea that the real-cult was gaining members from the tv-cult because the real-cult was literally putting words into the mouth of the tv-cult’s leader.

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Jason· 112 weeks ago

I think I stuck with Heroes into the fourth season, or at least close to the end of the third. I think I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt that season 2 was crappy because of the writers’ strike. I was young and foolish then…

I never started watching Revolution because I couldn’t get over the mental hurdle that if electrons can no longer flow, you get some very serious side effects. Like, oh say, molecules no longer being able to hold together. Nanomagicbots at least addresses that problem, so kudos to them for that I guess?

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malcolm · 112 weeks ago

I’ve actually been enjoying revolution lately, I think its improved. I’m not talking about the “science”, let it be magic, I don’t care. I just like where the story is going.

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coke· 112 weeks ago

I watched every episode of _Andromeda_.

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2 replies · active 111 weeks ago

gabepuratekuta· 112 weeks ago

So did I. It was pretty good

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@hombredehiel · 111 weeks ago

I enejoyed it too, despite the preachiness on some episodes and the occasional ridiculousness of the dub.

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gabepuratekuta· 112 weeks ago

I’ve done better. If there’s a series that’s starting that looks like it’s going to be awful, you just don’t watch it or any commercial for it ever. It really helps to keep the brain cells up and the hate-filled rants down. I guess the worst series I’ve ever actually watched was Smallville. But that was because there wasn’t anything better on (didn’t have cable or Netflix back then) which was very few and far between. Maybe I’ve seen like ten episodes in all? I’m not really sure…

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jscg · 112 weeks ago

It took me five seaons to give up on Star Trek Voyager. Even though every episode from season 3 to (it seems) the end had the big red reset button denouement, I just kept watching.

Kind of like when my Grampa used to watch the Judy Garland variety show and complain about how bad it was every week. My Gram used to ask him why he kept watching if it was so bad, and his only answer was “She used to be so *good*!”

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1 reply · active 111 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 111 weeks ago

The irony is after season 3 they gave up on the “We’re totally going to get home! NO WE’RE NOT!” thing and just started focusing on the story while moving them a bit closer to home every few episodes. Towards the end they realized home was WAY too far away so every other episode it was like, “Good job crew. That little maneuver shaved 20 years off our trip!”

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@borednihilist · 112 weeks ago

I only watched the first three episodes of Moffat’s “Jekyll”. Granted, there were only six episodes, I think, but I was not impressed.

I also quit S4 of Community this year after “Alternative History of the German Invasion” which didn’t make me laugh even once. Compared to S3, S4 is a major let down. Compared to S1 and S2, it’s like it isn’t even the same damn show any more.

I can’t think of any other shows which I’ve watched and quit part way through.

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1 reply · active 111 weeks ago

@hombredehiel · 111 weeks ago

How? I mean, just…how.

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Faye · 112 weeks ago

Stargate SG-1 was never the same after season 5. But I kept watching. Season 10. The movies. Atlantis. Universe. (I actually kinda liked Universe in spite of the ‘younger and edgier’ dynamic, but then, Robert Carlyle.)

My only release from this is that there is no Stargate currently in production, as far as I am aware. If it came back, I would be there, like a moth to a flame, and with about as much self-preservation instinct.

So, to answer the question: How long? Forever. (Though I wouldn’t say I ever ‘hated’ it, I was just disappointed, is all. There were still good times to be had.)

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2 replies · active 111 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 111 weeks ago

SG-1 lost me after it left Showtime. Universe was fantastic and should never have been prefaced with the word “Stargate.” It specifically wasn’t for Stargate fans.

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Faye · 111 weeks ago

Agreed. I did enjoy Universe, mostly, but as it’s own thing – it didn’t feel like Stargate. (Stargate barely felt like Stargate in the final seasons, it was effectively a spin off the network didn’t want to split from the main series. And that Ori stuff creeped me out.)

Universe could have reached a wider audience, but they got stuck with the overlapping segment on the venn diagram of ‘Stargate fans’ and ‘gritty space drama fans’. The Stargate name hurt them.

As an aside, we joked that the series was Stargate: Voyager, but how much better would Voyager have been if it was more like Universe? They had the factions already, Starfleet vs Maquis.

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thevoxpopuli· 112 weeks ago

The last three or four seasons of X-Files were pretty bad… and I’m still watching True Blood for some awful reason. And I saw all of Lost… but to be fair, I actually liked the way it ended. I just don’t listen to what producers and writers say before something is done.

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Neph Sy · 112 weeks ago

I stuck it out to the end for Lost and Heroes, I especially feel Heroes was a waste…that show had potential…why did it have to turn into such a clusterf***
Can’t believe I watched “No Ordinary Family” past the first episode. The last season of True Blood was pretty bad, but I’ll probably still watch the next one…the show is STILL better than the books.

Longest show I’ve stuck to watching (and hate myself for it), “American Idol”,
To make it palatable I skip the city auditions episodes, fast forward through the critiques and listen to it while I’m working in the studio.

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1 reply · active 111 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 111 weeks ago

I watched all of No Ordinary family on Hulu while I was working. It was just a horrific concept with even worse execution. A shitstorm top to bottom.

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diggy · 112 weeks ago

I started to watch the “Fringe” pilot, quit after 5 minutes. Haven’t watched any of the show since.

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2 replies · active 44 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 111 weeks ago

If it’s not for you, that’s fine. If you managed to watch all five seasons there are some wonderful stories, character development and a ton of payoff for the open plot threads.

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@Makaylastalks · 44 weeks ago

Agreed fringe is one of my favorite network science fiction shows.

I regret watching all of season one of defiance

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@hombredehiel · 112 weeks ago

Law and Order-It’s so boring…

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CatVonAwesome· 112 weeks ago

I am currently trying to get to the end of Hemlock Grove. It is……bad. Like a supernatural german art house film written by a 15 year old from the suburbs of the States who really likes unicorns but hates his mom bad. I can’t stop.

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1 reply · active 111 weeks ago

Poodles McGee · 111 weeks ago

I’ve never even heard of that. But that description alone makes me want to check it out.

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DuckAmuck · 111 weeks ago

I’m still debating whether Burn Notice is still worth my time.
How many seasons can you get away with “I got the guy who got me. Wait. No I didn’t. Getting that guy led me to this other guy. NOW I’ll get the guy who got me.”

Though I missed the last 3 episodes of the most recent season, so maybe that answers my question.

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Poodles McGee · 111 weeks ago

Once he rejoined the CIA I … I just couldn’t do it anymore. I just didn’t care. His scrappy resourcefulness and rogue team of occasionally awesomely destructive misfits was what made it fun. Once they gave him “legitimacy” and “resources” it was just another spy story.

Although really, the death knell was sounded when they brought in Jesse. Who fuckin’ cares about that guy? Nobody, that’s who.

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Poodles McGee · 111 weeks ago

OH MY GOD, AND THE PRODUCT PLACEMENT. STOP TRYING TO SELL ME A FUCKING CAR, USA. HOW DARE YOU INCORPORATE YOUR ADVERTISING INTO THE SHOW’S FUCKING DIALOGUE!

Bastards.

Sorry, I’m calm now. Sorry.

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emperorbailey· 102 weeks ago

Congratulations on your first stopping-watching-a-bad-show, Joel.
The wife and I actually watched like 9 terrible eps of Revolution, just because we do whatever JJ Abrams tells us to. I wish I had those hours back.

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The Defiant, The Damned And The Dirty

Joel — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 19:42:43 +0000

I AM GOING TO BE IN CALGARY THIS WEEKEND FOR CALGARY EXPO!!! Details HERE.

Here’s a new LoFi comic!

I have lots of thoughts on SyFy’s Defiance, but I have to leave for the airport in about 12 hours (yes, 3am to catch a 6am international flight) so for now I will say give it a try.

The second episode is better than the pilot in terms of story and pacing, so I would recommend going at least that far before deciding whether or not it deserves a trial season pass on your DVR. The 2 hour pilot tried to establish the world of the show, but in many ways seemed to leave out key details that would give you a better understanding of how all these aliens came to be on Earth and why we were peacefully coexisting with a seemingly hostile invasion force. As of the 3rd hour of the show I still don’t have all that sorted out. I’m not sure who the agressor is, or if there even was one. I know there was a war, but I can’t tell who it was against. The main character, Shiny Captain Han Reynolds, is a member of the Defiant Few, a platoon that refused to fight and gave way to the uneasy peace with the 8 different races of aliens who all seem to be from the same planet. I understand revealing details in due time, but there are some important things about this high concept world the show would like me to be invested in that I really feel they’ve neglected to explain.

Ok, that was a bit of rambling, but I still say test Defiance out and see what you think. We need more (quality) Sci-Fi on TV and so far Defiance hasn’t revealed itself to be wholly without quality. There’s a good bit to enjoy now and a lot of room for improvement.

Regarding the similarities to Firefly, they are extremely apparent but innofensive. Firefly was 10 years ago. It’s about time it start inspiring a new generation of genre fiction.

COMMENTERS: Firefly was all about humans alone in the big ‘verse, where as nearly every other sci-fi space drama has involved extra terrestrials as friends, foes and unknowns. Which shows or movies do you think made the best use of aliens as real characters, or at least real and effective story elements? I feel like most Star Trek is disqualified in this argument because all of their aliens were just bumpy foreheaded humans that acted exacted exactly like (caricatures of) humans.

Comments (37)

@kellyskritters · 110 weeks ago

Enemy Mine tops my list.

Gretchen · 110 weeks ago

I have a deep and abiding love of Babylon 5. I thought it integrated alien races and humans very well; some as enemies, some as allies, and some as “unknowns”.

gabepuratekuta· 110 weeks ago

Did Eli have to crush his Bat-sicle while being Heston? It seems disrespectful and clearly a waste of good ice cream…

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@BigNed · 110 weeks ago

Bat-sicles are PEEEOOOPLLLLLEEEE! PEEEEEOOOPLLLLLEEE!!!

@hombredehiel · 110 weeks ago

Om nom nom, then!

lou · 110 weeks ago

He’s gonna regret that when it leaks into his eye.

Casey · 110 weeks ago

Farscape, enough said.

3 replies · active 110 weeks ago

Jon · 110 weeks ago

+1

Of course Farscape and Defiance have producer Rockne S O’Bannon in common

LeoP · 110 weeks ago

I have recently started re watching FarScape for the first time since it ran on TV. I just finished season one. I thought that most of the aliens fell into the sad trope that Star Trek did… most of them are humanoid bipeds except for a few specific puppets. Having said that, I honestly respect their attempt at making Rygel and Pilot real characters despite their lack of traditional human-like proportions. Still… I want to see more varied non-human-look-alike humans.

Candace · 110 weeks ago

Although I haven’t re-watched FarScape as you recently have, I would say that some of the superficially humanoid aliens ultimately turned out to more deeply weird over time than they seemed at first – examples being Zhaan and Noranti.

katznhund · 110 weeks ago

As a former resident of St. Louis, I just have to say that last panel is good stuff.

1 reply · active 109 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 109 weeks ago

Im glad my hastily researched sports facts we’re offensive.

melchar · 110 weeks ago

Another shout out for Babylon 5. The alien/human dynamic was excellent and the storyline is still satisfying now. A lot of other science fiction shows ‘age out’, but B5 remains re-watchable.

oneswellfoop· 110 weeks ago

As a former resident of Los Angeles who grew up when the Rams was OUR team, St. Louis has all my sympathy..

BluesFan · 110 weeks ago

What about the Blues? Hockey, sir!

Mr C · 110 weeks ago

Actually the pilot episode of defiance is almost the same as the pilot for eureka (RIP)
http://www.memecenter.com/fun/1341067/defiance-an…

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gabepuratekuta· 110 weeks ago

You’re an awful person for linking to that site

Mr C · 110 weeks ago

At least it isn’t 9gag

njmckay· 110 weeks ago

Doctor Who! Who doesn’t love the Daleks?
But i know most of the aliens they have are humanoid types like Star Trek and Farscape.

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WhoFan · 110 weeks ago

I disagree there.. The new run of Doctor Who certainly has its share of humanoid aliens, however the originals (re: the first 7 doctors) had a plethora of non-humanoids. Mostly still rubber-suited people, but definitely not human shaped. Unfortunately, none of them really continue to be used in future episodes, so they are canon but not integrated species.

njmckay· 110 weeks ago

I’ve only seen bits and pieces of the old series, not enough to really know all the aliens they had included. But that’s pretty awesome to hear that had odd shaped aliens.

I feel that one of the reasons why there are so many humanoid aliens is because it’s easier and cheaper to slab makeup on an actor.

WhoFan, They did bring back the Ice Warriors, who knows maybe Moffat has a few other reunions up his sleeve?

@Matausz · 110 weeks ago

I’ve heard really good things about the game. The graphics look fairly good for a post-apocalyptic style 3rd person shooter and the combat system looks about the same as Borderlands, and if the story pans out then it will be better then Borderlands.

As for the show, I don’t have high hopes for it but I will give it some time to mature, who knows, we might get a new B5 or Farscape out of it as I’m getting far more of a vibe from thous shows then from Firefly, but last I know from the podcast, Joel never really watched thous(maybe I’m wrong).

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Jason· 110 weeks ago

It’s on SyFy. The best I can hope for is that it doesn’t completely embarrass the genre.

kingofmadcows· 110 weeks ago

DS9 shouldn’t be exempt since it had characters like Dukat, Garak, Quark, Odo, Kira, etc. As for shows where the aliens that don’t act human at all, I can’t really think of any. Even shows like Farscape had aliens with human like traits.

As for Defiance, there’s definitely a Babylon 5 vibe to it. The characters are interesting and have potential. However, the show does have its problems. The pilot was pretty predictable and there are some continuity issues that they need to address. Just a few potential continuity problems that I noticed:

The mayor said in this week’s episode that they drove out the Irathients with cold-fire weapons but during the battle in the last episode, they only had earth weapons and no alien weapons.

What happened to all the Volge wreckage from the battle? Shouldn’t they be scavenging the battlefield for tech and weapons that they can use?

The deputy was assigned to investigate who set Ben free and hired him to destroy the town but he just forgot about it and decided to save the guy who was being tortured.

They stopped Ben from blowing up the nuclear power plant but the power plant is still there so they better deal with it in the future or the bad guys could just send someone else to blow up the power plant.

BowtiesAreCool · 110 weeks ago

Stargate SG-1 pulled the “we populated the universe…mostly” so when there were aliens, they usually were good because all the budget went into making the costumes.

Atlantis had the Wraith, and they were scary albino witch vampires…so there is that.

wwlaos · 110 weeks ago

I can’t say I was “disappointed” by the pilot because, really, I expected worse, but I still thought it was terrible. Haven’t bothered to watch the second episode yet, but I’ll probably get around to that eventually.

As for shows treating aliens as real characters, obviously Star Tre -*reads the rest of your blurb* … you and me, we come from different worlds.

1 reply · active 109 weeks ago

The Unknown FB · 109 weeks ago

Actually, it helped if you Wiki’ed (if that’s a word now) about the show to read up on the background…but that doesn’t help the casual viewer who should be learning about the backstory (in broad strokes) PDQ into the show.

Siirenias · 110 weeks ago

Of Star Trek, my favorite was the episode of ST: TNG where Geordi LaForge joins the crew of the Enterprise. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go watch it. I’m not going to spoil it. I like the use of metaphysics to explain a theory of sentient evolution (that I’m sure most real physicists don’t really believe in). The effects, for their time, were pretty decent, and the drama and suspense were ratcheted up for that part.

In general…I think maybe Star Wars. Sadly, most of the movies did not focus much on the non-humanoids, or even the weirder humanoids, but between the Ewoks, the Mon Calamari, the various ruffians of Tatooine and the casual way alien reptiles were used as beasts of burden (and cavalry – apparently Taun Tauns were just hairy reptiles…somehow).

In the extended universe, many of these less human characters were free to roam around in the spotlight or as an integral part of the background noise of life in the galaxy. Of course, the quality of writing wasn’t always up to the task, but you can forgive a man his first love.

Allen · 110 weeks ago

The Thing.

It was actually a free form jazz artist, but no one could comprehend the beat.

anxiety.junkie · 110 weeks ago

It may be a weird choice, but I always thought Alien Nation was a great movie/series; especially when it was discovered that they had 3 genders.

Mitch H. · 109 weeks ago

Julie Benz is back on television? Why does nobody tell me these things?

Does it suck more or less than No Ordinary Family?

3 replies · active 109 weeks ago

DuckAmuck · 109 weeks ago

It sucks less. I think. It’s difficult to compare 2 different genres, 2 different “networks”.
Her character is a lot like her character from Dexter, but without all the abusive past and children.

Mitch H. · 109 weeks ago

I like it, based on the pilot. Like Alien Nation filtered through Orguss and Warhammer 40k with some character-notes from Enemy Mine.

hijinksensue· 109 weeks ago

NOTHING sucks more than No Ordinary Family except for maybe The Cape.

EditDelete Report

Reply

emperorbailey· 99 weeks ago

Mass Effect has more alieney aliens than anything else I’ve seen. Elcor, hanar, geth. Crazypants.

Beau Lebens· 76 weeks ago

This is just a test, I’ll delete it in a moment.

@stinabeastie · 68 weeks ago

I know you asked for movies & tv shows, but I have to just put this out there that author Julie Czerneda writes the absolute most inventive sci-fi alien species I have ever seen in 50 years of sci-fi. I say this as a Whovian who grew up in a Trekkie household, she writes aliens I have never seen before. I didn’t know that was still possible. (Oh, and the books themselves are just good too. My fave sci-fi author.)

Good Night And Good Riddance

Joel — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 20:46:38 +0000

I AM GOING TO BE IN CALGARY THIS WEEKEND FOR CALGARY EXPO!!! Details HERE.

Please consider helping me pay for the UNBELIEVABLY expensive flight to Calgary buy buying something from MY STORE, from SHARKSPLODE, getting a super high quality print of any HE comic, or DONATING.

COMMENTERS: I don’t have much else to say. I’m just happy to be able to reflect on the events of last week and hope for better, less traumatic nightmare scenarios in the future. When the news is all bad, do you like to stay plugged in, learning as much as you can, or do you like to tune out and wait until the dust settles to find out what happened? Is there any particular story or national event that you remember following obsessively or trying to avoid completely?

Comments (22)

Alexander Burns· 110 weeks ago

The pop-up text is pretty optimistic wishful thinking. #debbiedowner

@autojim · 110 weeks ago

My reaction is a mixture. I like to get the initial “what happened” and the initial response as close to real-time as possible, with the understanding that detailed specifics on what happened are going to be mighty thin on the ground for quite a while and about 90% of those details in the first hours generally turn out to be total bullshit.When the 24-hour newsies start talking to people who knew the alleged perp or one of the victims in preschool 20 years ago and start trotting out the “analysts”, I switch over to something else for a while. I’ll get a top-of-hour or bottom-of-hour recap, which will usually cover anything new that may have popped up, then back to what I was doing.

The first time I really did this was 1995, the Murrah Building in OKC. The internet wasn’t nearly what it was then (I hadn’t yet switched over to a proper ‘net dialup account, still being on GEnie, which had the Lynx text-only browser and generally sucked), but I had an uncle who was in that building (he was okay aside from a coating of dust and about 7 minutes missing from his personal timeline. Postal workrooms in Federal buildings are hardened to keep booms in, which also helps keep booms out) and his brother, a now-retired FBI agent, was one of the first feds on the scene – and one of the guys who escorted McVeigh off the chopper at Tinker AFB after he was flown back from Perry, so there was a personal interest there. (As it turns out, one of my HS classmates was one of the 168 victims — she was in the SS office tending to some paperwork issue or other and had a good chunk of the building land on her.)

So yeah, I’m a news junkie up to the point where the bullshit starts getting thick. Then I stop.

@ScribbleDragon · 110 weeks ago

I remember being completely fixated on every detail of the Fukushima power plant coverage after the earthquake, and praying that the next bit of news would feature Godzilla. It would have been awesome. And I would have won a bet.I also remember completely avoiding anything to do with the 2012 US Presidential elections. They started campaigning in February or March of that year, and wouldn’t shut the fuck up about it for over eight months. My roommate’s birthday was the day after elections, and we threw a “Huzzah! No More Politics!” party. We took shots until Dick Cheney looked attractive.

Morlock · 110 weeks ago

you should add this link, as it is quite similar to what you’ve got dere.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/jesus-this-week,…

thelogos · 110 weeks ago

I’ve tuned out of the news since Gulf War 2: The War-en-ing for Freedom! Justice! (and oil)

TheOldTook· 110 weeks ago

I tend to be like an empath for negativity, if I were to get sucked into the news it would ruin my mood for the week. That being said, I couldn’t help but get sucked in when the news was happening live on Reddit and Twitter staying up much later than I should have.

Mr C · 110 weeks ago

I like to take bad news in midsized doses, also i want that last panel blown up, in a giant frame, over my desk, but that would probably get me in trouble for it’s somewhat nsfw language

Wesley · 110 weeks ago

As a non-american, Boston still dominated our news whereas similar (and deadlier) events within the same range of kilometers didn’t even make the frontpage of the news. The hypocrisy of it is infuriating and reeks of racism.Don’t get me wrong: it’s bad news, of course, but I would expect professional journalism to at least make an attempt to not totally ignore 36 dead in bombings on the same day in another country while Boston (again: this is foreign news for us) gets special editions on state tv. That’s why I tune out of main stream media more than usual.

4 replies · active 110 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 110 weeks ago

I think the typical US attitude top to bottom is “Yeah but that kind of stuff happens in those countries ALL THE TIME.” The world needs to remember that the US is still a teenager in terms of being a nation and it acts very much that way. We are invincible until proven otherwise, myopic in our world view and look at nearly everyone else as second class citizens. Give us a couple of hundred more years. We’ll either be much wiser or gone.

Zee · 110 weeks ago

Oh dsfkjg, you have no idea how much I agree with this. I also saw a report that called the Boston Bombing the “worst terrorist act since 9/11”. And I was like… *TABLEFLIP!* RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHH! That headline is so unspeakably, incredibly, intensely, moronically, asininely WRONG!!
I wanted to “terrorize” whomever wrote it.

lou · 110 weeks ago

And where are you from where it’s worse off than Boston, anyway?

@Mechamaniac · 110 weeks ago

I wish most reporters felt that way. Unfortunately that would require that they have both integrity and just a shred of human decency. These days, they’re all just trying to be the one that catches the next big story. They sit at their desks praying for some huge calamity to drop while they’re on watch. I think most of them would look at events like last week and think “Yeah! This is MY TIME! I’m going to be on the air 24/7 until this is over and then I’ll be a star!”. Cue the instant graphics and ominous theme music that always seem to appear within 30 minutes of every big story.

@borednihilist · 110 weeks ago

After last week, I’m in a “No News AT ALL” bubble for at least awhile (though I often attempt to go cold turkey on news, but fall off the wagon). I just can’t handle the news right now.

Nephaline · 110 weeks ago

I’m pretty out of touch when it comes to news. Since the switch to digital signal, I can no longer get the local or national news shows, it wasn’t the greatest, but I do actually miss it. Now my news is whatever I see on Yahoo.ca as I’m going to check my email. Seems to be a lot of entertainment news, blah!
Prefer to live in my bubble and avoid the negative stuff.

Bill Murphy · 110 weeks ago

*raises coffee mug*
Cheers to next week! sluuurp…

deadrobot · 110 weeks ago

last frame = epic. Eyebrows and all.

voxboxcomics· 110 weeks ago

I would watch a real reporter who said this forever.

Liam · 110 weeks ago

I’ll tune the news out. We only know so much of what happened and the media will keep repeating it constantly.

Josh · 110 weeks ago

I’m going to completely date myself here, but I was in high school when the whole OJ Simpson thing happened. I remember my dad calling to me in my dungeon lair of a basement to come watch the action as a helicopter followed the white Bronco for hours. I kinda stood there watching for about 30 seconds and just asked him to tell me what happened when it was over.

bubujin_2 · 110 weeks ago

I’ve always been a newspaper reader since my days in college and I used to watch a fair amount of CNN international news. But ever since 911 I pretty much avoid any TV news. There’s one news “paper” site I regularly go to for their free downloadable PDF newspaper, click on and read through some of their news feeds, and then rely on Yahoo and other sites when/if I want more news.

Siirenias · 110 weeks ago

I haven’t heard much good news in the last 9 years. I gave up on most of it until I picked up the Daily Show again last year.

@ZacMcCaffrey · 110 weeks ago

Is that J. Jonah Jameson? I was expecting some sort of “that week is a menace” or “it was all spiderman’s fault”.

[Air Quotes] NEWS [/Air Quotes]

Joel — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 01:24:36 +0000

“Informative” “journalism” whose purpose is to “educate” the “public.” Get it? “Confirmed” “facts” jk LOL.

I probably watched more cable news this week than I have in 5 years (other than during elections), which is to say that I watched SOME cable news this week instead of NONE. EVER. NEVER EVER. I found myself listening to the 1 or 2 pieces of information the head-talkers possessed then muting the TV before they could repeat, rephrase, reiterate and rehash the same information continuously for the next 30 minutes until something else happened. I just want an informed person who is adept at communication to tell me what’s going on, then stop talking. Maybe cut to a slideshow of relevant images, maps, etc. when the facts run out. Don’t cut to “a guy” who “used to know a guy” to talk about “his feelings” or “some stuff” just because there is airtime to fill. “Well, that’s all the news we have for now. Joining us via satellite is some guy who was near the explosion. How did the explosion make you feel, guy?” / “Pretty exploded, Dan.” And the nation rests easy knowing how extremely informed it is.

It was odd that during this last week of unimaginable simultaneous national crises I got the most relevant, concise and up to date information from Twitter. I’m not saying this is how it SHOULD be. I’m just saying this is how is WAS this particular time. It’s a bit of a shock to realize that we are now able to read and often watch first hand accounts of major world events exactly as they are happening from the people they are happening too. CNN doesn’t have a camera in the house of a guy on the street where the terrorists are thought to be hiding, but that guy has a smartphone which makes him a defacto imbedded reporter.

I feel like we aren’t that far from a time when a major event happens and some sort of rudimentary AI starts to comb the web for first hand accounts, tweets, blog posts, YouTube videos, etc., then aggregates, edits and presents them to you as “Here’s what’s happening right now.” It would basically be an on demand, custom new broadcast created in real time based on the real information that was available. Sort of like the city wide cell phone imaging system from The Dark Knight but with Tweets and Vines (and maybe a few Yelp reviews). Of course the moment something like this existed would be the moment people started gaming the system. Tweeting false information to sway public opinion, etc. Wait… we already do that. Never mind.

COMMENTERS: How do you like to get your news? From a professional news-talker on the TV box or a “professional” news-newser from the Internet box? Or perhaps you get it from that fist guy’s grandpa who works at a newspaper that hasn’t closed yet for some reason. Or do you take to the social web and cull through the 1000’s of cat photos and food tweets to find the real first hand accounts?

Comments (37)

Ziggy Stardust · 110 weeks ago

I usually read the BBC’s wobsite for news, or NPR if I need something more ‘Merica-specific. Cable news is what turned me off of laundromats. Is it not enough that I must do laundry, that I have to see Fox News on every TV as I do so?

@kjordan2001 · 110 weeks ago

I get mine from RSS feeds, Twitter, Google+ and from, of all places, The Onion. Their American Voices section has actual news events so I can get headlines and an amusing commetary: http://www.theonion.com/features/american-voices/

Sbs · 110 weeks ago

You know that thing we’re not too far away from? It’s right here: http://storify.com/

2 replies · active 110 weeks ago

geekygirluk· 110 weeks ago

Also, some kid here in England just sold an App to Yahoo (for megabucks) that amalgamates and summarises all the various feeds you’re signed up to.

@antiavenger · 110 weeks ago

I get most of my news between internet articles, Youtube, some from The Daily Show, and even a couple hours weekly of TV news. Having to comb all over just to get facts is kinda terrible… but that’s how it is these days. :-/And like you I’m amazed I was actually getting more info between Twitter and Reddit of all things than CNN, MSNBC, and network news combined. That’s kinda terrible…

yendorii · 110 weeks ago

In a time of crisis I will tune to one of the few anchors who I feel actual try to deliver quality news, even when I disagree with many of their political views as in the case of Rachel Maddow.Otherwise if something important is happening I hear about it on twitter.

1 reply · active 109 weeks ago

The Unknown FB · 109 weeks ago

While I like her, I COULDN’T STAND the rest of the talking heads on MSNBC during all of this. Some of them were even going borderline racist/bigot in an attempt to spin all of the events, and I had to switch back to CNN just to stay away from them, then walk away from the TV in disgust after seeing 30 minutes of people being told to stand away from everything.

@borednihilist · 110 weeks ago

I go through cycles of staying away from anything that might be considered news (including The Daily Show and The Colbert Report), and watching those and Rachel Maddow, Chis Hayes and Melissa Harris-Perry avidly {all online since I don’t have cable) and also checking out Google News headlines.Since I never watch breaking news coverage,my only source is Twitter. Last week I was inundated on Twitter with info about all the insane stuff happening and also how the networks were bullshitting for hours.

After last week, I’m definitely in a no news phase for awhile. So no shows, and also muting lots of stuff in my Twitter app.

Bryce · 110 weeks ago

For things like this I tend to just shut the news off, though usually I try to catch the Newshour a few times a week.Back in 2000 I learned about the repetitive news cycle when my hometown caught on fire and we were evacuated. They just showed the same three shots of houses burning all day, no sense of scale or actual information. My parents turned into grief zombies watching it, and while I’m sure my brother and I did as well we snapped out of it first and got them away from the TVs. After that we managed to turn it into a bit of a vacation, and just checked in the evenings to see if there was any news on when there would be news.

@JonS253 · 110 weeks ago

Believe it or not, our local news folks are actually pretty reliable. They’re always very careful about separating what we know from what we guess, and that from what someone’s opinion is; and since it’s the local news show, when they run out of information they’re not afraid to return to whatever else they were showing until something *new* happens.So I mostly used the local news, and some self-directed aggregation from the Net. I even called it as probably being a couple of white kids, when everybody was all about them thar dusky furriners from the Middle East. (In fact, they were from the Caucasus Mountains – they literally could not have been more Caucasian.)

tomspeelman· 110 weeks ago

Usually, I just check the BBC and Chicago Tribune RSS feeds. If I’m on their website, I listen to NPR’s hourly news recap.

Candace · 110 weeks ago

I look at the headlines on Google news, but I’ve noticed a similar problem, which is that most of the news sources with an online presence are in such a hurry to be “first”, that they don’t bother to fact-chect before publishing, and often present unverified information as fact, resulting the dissemination of large amounts of information, most of which is inaccurate. It generally seems to take a few days to a week for facts to coalesce into anything coherent.

3 replies · active 110 weeks ago

Candace · 110 weeks ago

BTW, was Josh dipping nacho cheese Doritos into a jar of peanut butter? That sounds appallingly delicious.

hijinksensue· 110 weeks ago

Indeed. It’s a recurring theme in the comic and his real life.

lou · 110 weeks ago

Yahoo!News has the same problem, with multiple articles covering basically the same event.

Fengor · 110 weeks ago

This last week I got my news via this method. First I found myself at Yahoo, my homepage; then I might see a new development in the Boston case. Then I went to the BBC to read their more concise and useful update.Honestly though I gave maybe 0.47 fucks about the whole situation because I already knew the ending would be one of three things. The find the suspect already dead, suspect is killed in shootout, suspect is captured alive and considered guilty before they’re even booked into the precinct.

I give it less than a year before we see this all adapted to 4 different crime dramas and a film of some kind.

Paul Christian · 110 weeks ago

I followed the chase this week via online streams of Boston PD’s scanners/radios. Very interesting to listen in on something like that as it’s happening, and to hear everything 15 or 20 minutes before it shows up on cable.I knew people listened in on police scanners with their CB radios or whatever, but had no idea they were streamed online, and could be accessed from anywhere in the world.

2 replies · active 109 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 110 weeks ago

Regarding the live online police scanners, i kept asking myself what was to stop the person they were chasing from tuning in and using that info to evade capture.

The Unknown FB · 109 weeks ago

I know the news shows supposedly were on a delay, and what I found interesting was that CNN was holding back some information (probably thanks to John King running his mouth earlier in the week and the channel being chastised for it), while MSNBC was blabbing about anything they could get their hands on as soon as they heard it.

vitanienna· 110 weeks ago

I get my news from The Guardian. They tend to have a more balanced approach to world news and give summarized reports of ongoing crises as new information arises.

Bob · 110 weeks ago

Reminds me of that 30 minute period before Obama officially said Bin Laden was dead. It was interesting news, but within 30 seconds I knew everything they knew and noticed the rapid descent into pointless dialogue.With Boston, NPR had the descency to give us real info with little pointless talking before going back to other very important stories.

@neums · 110 weeks ago

You could actually hear the disgust in Anderson Cooper’s voice when he said “The Boston Police Department has just tweeted…”

2 replies · active 110 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 110 weeks ago

Even though CNN is a often a laughable excuse for “news,” I always find Anderson Cooper classes up the joint every time he’s on.

@neums · 110 weeks ago

I even got to help slam a media “giant” for doctoring gore out of a photo. It was fun blowing the “responsible journalsim/photo ethics” part of the Internet for about a day before the circus that was Thursday and Friday.

90percentgeek · 110 weeks ago

I just stick with the BBC news on my radio and over their website. You get the news – just the news – and uncoloured by opinion. Plus they don’t tend to report stuff unless they’ve actually fact checked it. Its kind of nice to be able to get an hourly news update on the radio too. I drive around a lot listening to BBC Raqdio 2 so I can generally enjoy just listening to some music, get a bulliten if anything important actually happens, and otherwise just catch the 5 minute news summary of the hour.The BBC – not just for Doctor Who and Sherlock!

cyberwolf77· 110 weeks ago

Twitter, Reddit, and a few other blogs are where I get my news

Ceri · 110 weeks ago

Is anyone else reminded of Mac’s or Will’s rants on “The Newsroom”? ;)I don’t have TV and haven’t had any for a few years now (because I would have to pay for a crapload of sucky German TV I don’t want, just to get 2-3 shows I like). Being in Germany helps to steer clear of Fox and their ilk. I watch my entertainment shows online, occasionally listen to a local rock station (one of their jingles is “Spaghetti Monster save Berlin!” – I love these guys) on the way to work, most of which is underground, so at the most, that’s 20 minutes/day; and I don’t read newspapers. I get my Ahmurrican news from The Daily Show and my American Facebook friends. I *very* rarely use my Twitter account – I find it too hard to follow a conversation. If I feel the need for up-to-the-minute news, I check the BBC or CNN websites. Haven’t missed the Apocalypse so far, so I guess I’m fine.

katznhund · 110 weeks ago

I check the CNN website a couple of times of day just to see what is going on in the world. However for important stuff like last week I tend to check the BBC or NPR so I can get decent information with fewer ‘facts’ in it.

geekygirluk· 110 weeks ago

I get mine mostly from Twitter. I occasionally check the BBC news website, but as they have become the mouthpiece of our government rather than an independent broadcaster, I only do this to find stories that don’t have political implications/input or to see how the government are lying to us now.I know that sounds boringly and annoyingly paranoid, but the head of the BBC is a former Tory MP and many of the board members have financial interests in the private companies to whom our government is handing public contracts (publicly available information) so it’s all provable.

Twitter has proven to be more accurate and up to the minute.

1 reply · active 109 weeks ago

The Unknown FB · 109 weeks ago

Until Twitter decided to blame that college student who looked like a ‘ferriner for the attack, yet was dead in a river for over a month.
At least Reddit apologized to the family for their part in that.

diggy · 110 weeks ago

The usual way I receive news is when someone mentions it and I hear them. After that, it isn’t really news anymore.

Becky · 110 weeks ago

I’m from Boston and had family and friends affected by the shelter-in-place order (my office in Boston proper was closed, too), and I stayed on local news – WBZ on the TV – for coverage. My roommate and I actually had the TV playing on mute and followed the Boston Globe Live Blog for updates – information on that was tweeted and retweeted from the BPD, the FBI, and on-scene reporters. There was far less noise and useless chatter on that feed.But there is a flip side to social media reporting by witnesses and journalists: compromising the safety of law enforcement, witnesses, and perpetrators. The Internet streams of scanners was blocked on several occasions by the police when their positions were compromised by people tweeting info obtained from the scanners. The reporters were pushed far off of the perimeter of the search grid because they kept giving away position information. Immediate information is great, but not at the expense of lives. And unfortunately many people tweet, Facebook, or Instagram before they think.

Kryss LaBryn · 110 weeks ago

I get mine almost entirely from web comics and Fandom Secrets, with the odd ten-minute snippets of CBC Radio thrown in as I’m driving to the grocery store.I used to have a subscription to a daily newspaper. Oddly, I find that I don’t seem to be less informed about things that matter to me than I was when I was reading the paper; there’s just a lot less filler about stuff I don’t care about, like sports.

Thanks to my web comics (Something*Positive in particular), I actually found out about Boston only a few hours after it happened, and had more details than my husband, who was at work at the time (ironically as a communications technician).

voxboxcomics· 110 weeks ago

Your depiction of the news is more accurate than the news itself.

@warholreject · 110 weeks ago

EXACTLY.

Scanderoon · 110 weeks ago

I am new to Twitter, so was surprised over the last week that I was getting more information (and more accurate information) from my Twitter feed than from Google News.I read about the earthquake in China, went on to Google News, and NONE of the headlines mentioned it. Not in Top Stories or World News. You’d think an earthquake that injures 11,000 people would be a little more important.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s because it focuses too much on Canada (since that’s where I am). Sorry, Google, I don’t care about some stupid Canadian politicial maneuvering when there are disasters happening elsewhere in the world.

timbearcub· 110 weeks ago

I usually do BBC/Guardian/Twitter. I did check out reddit but quickly realised people were running around crying SHOPPED at not-shopped pictures (I’ve been working with digital imagery and Photoshop since version 2, so I think I know what that looks like) and gave up.Really I got annoyed and switched off about the start of day 2, it was the stupid newscycle, the churn, it actually started doing real damage with false allegations and nastiness…so I left my friends to do that and looked at the odd thing that popped up in my feed.

Really I lose interest really quick because in the 24 hour news as you say above it just repeats and they don’t actually inform you of anything, so it actually becomes far worse and actually far more dangerous than not knowing.

Reading Comprehension

Joel — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 01:46:41 +0000

Oh hey! It’s Eli’s wife, Denise. We haven’t seen her in… a couple of years? I almost considered her lost in the partial reboot a year ago, but let’s just assume she’s been in the Philippines studying at the finest culinary schools, learning how to prepare live baby ducks that you eat whole or soup made of blood and bile.

This is how my wife and I watch Game Of Thrones. I pause the TV every 15 seconds to ask her questions and she looks at me with this knowing glint in her eye like, “Oh shitbaskets you have NO IDEA what’s about to happen.” It’s like she’s a time traveler returned from one of many possible futures just observing and laughing as we (the past-folk) run around and play out the events of her history, seemingly devoid of free will. It’s an unsettling way to watch TV to say the least.

Couple this with the fact the Game Of Thrones doesn’t consistently rewrite, leave out or work around plot points from the book and the whole experience can be rather frustrating. What I mean is sometimes they’ll lump a few key events into an episode by having them all take place in the same area or at the same time and to one guy instead of the 8 guys on 9 different continents they happened to in the books. Other times they’ll just leave out extremely vital information, either assuming you know it already, having read the books, or you’re so confused by everything else that one more thing to be confused about isn’t going to make much difference. Still there are other times where they completely rewrite events, characters or entire plot lines from the books to make for a better TV show. This final stratagem is the one I prefer. I’d rather the show be a unique experience that neither requires or punishes having read the books.

COMMENTERS: What are your favorite/least favorite movie/TV translations from books? Do the most faithful translations make for the best adaptations or do you prefer the ones that take more liberty and consolidate the story for the new format? Have you ever been the “one who read the books?” Did you aid or ruin someone else’s movie/TV watching experience because of it?

Chicken Fight

Joel — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 16:17:40 +0000

I was going to draw Hodor and Hagrid carrying their respective semi-motionless boy-bodies around, but I decided they should be having a bit more fun.

COMMENTERS: Who are your favorite fictional duo or team to fall into the “behemoth and small person” trope? I can think of tons of examples from comic books proper, but not that many from film and TV. Maybe you recall some obscure one’s that I don’t.

Broken Boy Soldier

Joel — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 18:18:01 +0000

This week is the 5 year anniversary of The Experiment. I posted some thoughts (a LOT of thoughts) about it here.

If you are a fan of The Experiment and would like to see it continue, please consider making a donation, buying something from the HE Store or Sharksplode or checking out my Amazon Wishlist. I am quite literally 100% dependent on the kindness of strangers. It’s a weird job, I know.

If you want a ZERO DOLLAR way to support HijiNKS ENSUE, pleasepost a few of your favorite HE comics to your site, blog or social media outlet of choice with a few words as to why you think your friends might enjoy reading HE as well.

Carl is the Newt of The Walking Dead. Why don’t we put him in charge?

COMMENTERS: I have expressed my problems with The Walking Dead at length. Is there any show where one character seemed to know exactly what was going on and no one ever listened to them? A sufferer of Wesley Crusher syndrome, as it were? Any show that you would have given up on long ago if not for a single redeeming character?

[thanks to @met2art for the alt-text]

Gubernatorial

Joel — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 13:59:18 +0000

This week is the 5 year anniversary of The Experiment. I posted some thoughts (a LOT of thoughts) about it here.

If you are a fan of The Experiment and would like to see it continue, please consider making a donation, buying something from the HE Store or Sharksplode or checking out my Amazon Wishlist. I am quite literally 100% dependent on the kindness of strangers. It’s a weird job, I know.

If you want a ZERO DOLLAR way to support HijiNKS ENSUE, pleasepost a few of your favorite HE comics to your site, blog or social media outlet of choice with a few words as to why you think your friends might enjoy reading HE as well.

!!!SPOILERS FOR THE WALKING DEAD SEASON 3 FINALE BELOW!!!

It’s hard to tell what the writers and producers of The Walking Dead hate more: the audience, the characters, the comics or the show itself. In this week’s season three finale, they made it clear that we, the audience, are at least pretty high on the hate list. After another season of languishing plot and pacing so slow that it often moved in reverse (seriously, this season was all about story archs moving forward in one episode just to be totally set back in the next), we were presented with a season finale that contained 2, maybe 3 satisfying moments amidst an hour of vamping and build up for climaxes that would never come.

I know the show’s internal workings are troubled. You can’t have a totally stellar first season, then continually fire showrunner after showrunner while the network tightens the budget yet demands more episodes and not expect the quality to decline. The latter of those problems was ESPECIALLY evident in seasons 2 and 3 when nearly every other episode seemed to just be the prelude to the next episode. Either they really aren’t being given the funding and network support to write, and produce 10 or 13 episodes a season or they simply do not understand the purpose of a short season at all.

In a show like LOST (in the early seasons) or BSG (in the latter seasons) where you have 26 episodes a season, it’s fair to expect a few place holder episodes. Yet with barely a baker’s dozen hours to fill a year, The Walking Dead spent all of season two standing around and arguing about secrets and feelings on a farm and all of season three with our heroes considering leaving the prison, considering attacking Woodbury and considering getting rid of or keeping various newcomers. Both seasons were big on debate and internal (often unspoken) conflict and light on… doing… much of anything. With a short season show, the ENTIRE story and all major plot points need to be mapped out ahead of time so that the action, drama, humor, gore, etc can be evenly split among the episodes. I can’t wrap my head around the creative or financial impetus of “give ’em one good one, 2 bad ones, a kind ok one, an infuriatingly bad one, then repeat.”

Now, with the finale of season 3, The Walking Dead has robbed its fans of any type of resolution regarding The Governor, or the prison and given us no indication of what to look forward two next season other than possibly the REST of season 3’s plot and some fond time’s in Uncle Rick’s Lockdown Nursery and Retirement Village. And despite that fact that THE ONLY THING I was looking forward to in the finale was seeing Michonne take The Governor’s other eye just before Andrea put that pocket knife elbow deep in his heart, the producers elected to elevate The Governor to the role of Jason Vorhees-esque, unkillable boogie man and make him a series regular next season.

I don’t know, guys. I might be out. The only plot element I liked about the finale was Carl… which I will address in the next comic.

COMMENTERS: That season finale was fucking bullshit, right? Spoilers away. Tell me how you feel.

Game Delayed

Joel — Sun, 31 Mar 2013 14:59:06 +0000

Today is the 5 year anniversary of The Experiment. I posted some thoughts (a LOT of thoughts) about it here.

If you are a fan of The Experiment and would like to see it continue, please consider making a donation, buying something from the HE Store orSharksplode or checking out my Amazon Wishlist. I am quite literally 100% dependent on the kindness of strangers. It’s a weird job, I know.

If you want a ZERO DOLLAR way to support HijiNKS ENSUE, pleasepost a few of your favorite HE comics to your site, blog or social media outlet of choice with a few words as to why you think your friends might enjoy reading HE as well.

I’ve really enjoyed writing and drawing this HBO story line. The whole series is archived here. I haven’t actually cancelled the free HBO, and thus it remains my fickle mistress. Last night I watched Se7en (despite already owning it on Blu-Ray and having never actually watched my copy), and a few reruns of Veep (which is seriously the smartest/funniest TV writing since Arrested Development), but I also watched about half of some god damn documentary about Beyonce.

[UPDATE 4/1/13]

Beyonce isn’t a great singer and she isn’t an “artist.” She’s a good singer and anyone (ANYONE) who sang about as well as she does and looked about as attractive as he is perceived to be COULD (not WOULD) have everything she has. None of those traits are a crime. Pop music and celebrity culture in general often reward the middle. Mediocrity keeps you in the public eye much longer than one hit wonders and lights that burn too bright. But, if you’re going to follow someone around with a camera crew for a year, it would be best if that someone were A) an interesting person, B) Not the C-estof C-Words to everyone that works for her and C) grounded in at least some fashion to a world where they haven’t been rich and famous their entire lives. Watching her live her “fabulous” life was just boring as all miserable fuck. Beyonce isn’t evil, but she oozes a sense of entitlement that (per my working theory) stems from being brought up in a wealthy family, then getting too famous and too rich at too young of an age to ever really relate to anyone who isn’t a superstar millionaire. In my opinion, Gwyenth Paltrow also fits into this category. They are both good at their jobs, but I doubt either would make for a fun addition to movie or game night. LET ME OFF OF YOUR PROGRAMMING QUALITY ROLLER COASTER, HBO YOU CONTEMPTIBLE SHREW! VEX ME NO LONGER!

COMMENTERS: Which celebrity do you think you would have the most fun actually hanging out with. Bonus points if your answer is Jon Hamm, because that is the correct answer. Who would be the least fun?

In Recovery

Joel — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 14:09:06 +0000

Wrapping up this short storyline this week, assuming Game Of Thrones premiers this weekend. I’m pretty sure it’s this weekend, but I was also pretty sure yesterday’s date was somewhere around the 20th (SPOILERS: it was the 26th), so I have apparently lost a little time due to staying up all night watching mediocre movies (moviocres) and thus I have become an unreliable judge of when things are and are not.

COMMENTERS: Have you ever purposefully deprived yourself of something that, while not life threatening, probably wasn’t that good for you? Did you succeed? Have you had any self-imposed restrictions that might seem silly to others? No Hot Pockets on odd numbered days? No dating people you met during a hostage crisis? No driving past the home where you murdered that transient? That’s just goofy. Transients can’t haunt you because they don’t have souls.

Emergency Protocol

Joel — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 13:40:14 +0000

Taxicab Confessions was one of those “awakening” moments for me as a young teen. Through those covertly mounted lipstick cameras I saw and learned things that I was not necessarily seeking out, and I was forever changed. The series filmed from the time I was in high school up until the early 2000’s. I’ve watched a few of the latter episodes since I’ve had the free HBO (acquired in anticipation of Game Of Thrones), and only now do I realize the answer to 14 year old me’s question, “Why are these people acting like this?!” was always, “Oh, they’re on drugs.” The over sharing, the lack of inhibitions, the… having sex in a dirty ass cab. Yeah. Drugs. I guess when I was 14 I thought only hardened criminals did drugs. There was this one episode where this couple get in the cab (I believe this was a Las Vegas episode) and the man played with his new magic light up thumbs (a ~~trick~~ illusion he had just purchased at a magic shop) while his lady friend took her boobs out and mashed them all over the place. He was transfixed on his thumbs and she was… well, mashing her boobs all over the place. If you don’t want young kids to experiment with drugs, don’t try to scare them straight. Just show them the video of the coked out wanna-be magician and his free spirited companion. That shit freaked me out.

COMMENTERS: TWO QUESTIONS! 1) Was there anything (a joke in a movie, a tv show premise) that just didn’t register with your younger self? I didn’t know the premise of Three’s Company, despite having seen every single episode when it originally aired, until I was in my twenties. 2) Did you have any movies/shows/albums/website (for you young-uns) that taught you about something in the world that you just weren’t ready to know?

A House Is Not A Home Box Office

Joel — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 11:47:37 +0000

Nearly everything Joel says in this comic is true, in so much as I got HBO for free (so I could watch Game Of Thrones) a few days ago and I’ve since gone on a “watching things that are bad for me” spree.

Here are some incredibly short reviews of the movies I have subjected myself to via HBO this week:

Battleship: 45 minutes into Battleship, the movie has just barely started. Everything before that is unnecessary exposition. Everything after that is unnecessary explosion. Liam “John Taken” Neeson is in it for maybe 90 seconds. This comic was 100% accurate.

The Matrix Sequels: There are levels on which I can enjoy some parts of The Matrix: Reloaded. The end.

Alien Resurrection: The first 30 minutes of this movie are like the lost original pilot to Firefly. The reasons for this are numerous and obvious. Despite that, the very first time Dan Hedaya (General Perez) opens his mouth you know that something is terribly wrong. He plays like the evil real estate tycoon in a made-for-TV Goonies sequel that never happened who’s trying to shut down the kids’ rec center because it was built on top of a vault full of pirate treasure. In this fictional film the asian kid has been replaced by a robot. The robot was built by the asian kid and only speaks in catch phrases. Oh yeah. Alien Resurrection. After whatever I just said happens, then everything else that happens is terrible.

I really shouldn’t be left alone with HBO.

Regarding Girls, it’s actually one of my favorite new(ish) shows. I stand by my generalization in panel 3 above, but it’s fantastically written and acted by an extremely talented group of New York hipsters. Essentially every single character is a deplorable piece of garbage, but… in a good way. Or at least in an interesting way. I feel like in real life people have maybe one person in their lives who’s as self centered and myopic as every single character on Girls. Any more an life would be entirely unbearable. In a Girlsiverse scenario, where everyone you know is as horrible as you are, everyone would immediately enter into a murder/suicide pact and the show would only last about 4 minutes. Does that sound like a resoundingly positive recommendation? Well, it is. Watch it. Good stuff.

COMMENTERS: Has a new service (TV, Internet, magazine, mail order or otherwise) ever taken you down a long, deep, dark rabbit hole of time wasting?

The Ruse

Joel — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 03:21:25 +0000

I just find it highly suspicious that two years running AT&T has offered free HBO exactly when Game Of Thrones starts for exactly as long as Game Of Thrones runs. It’s like they want me to… watch their channel and… enjoy it. Enjoy it so much that I decide to keep paying $16 a month to watch it AFTER the free preview is over. Those magnificent bastards. They nearly had the perfect plan. Of course they weren’t expecting to go up against my vastly superior intellect and unparalleled tightwadedness. Oh man, is my wad ever tight. I sure hope Veep season two runs during those three months. Pirating shows is just too hard these days.

COMMETNERS: What’s the best deal/worst deal you’ve ever gotten out of a “free preview/ no interest/ quadruple coupon” situation? Ever been given the world in order to keep you from canceling a service? Ever gotten the “Don’t let the ETF hit you in the ass on the way out!” routine?

John Carter Of Veronica Mars

Joel — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 11:09:16 +0000

I’ve been meaning to watch Veronica Mars for several years, but I’ve never actually gotten around to it. I guess I should get on that.

I’m always happy when someone finds a way to circumvent the established systems that are in place for keeping people from getting their creativity out to the people that would appreciate it. Garageband, iTunes, YouTube, Kickstarter and a host of other softwares and services (including the Internet in general) that mostly didn’t exist a decade ago exist, in part, to shake up the status quo of the creative industrial complex and break down the barriers between content creators and their fans. They also exist to make large amounts of money for their owners and shareholders.

See, that’s the thing. The systems by which creative people are given license and funds to create a thing and distribute it to their audience aren’t changing all that much. It’s just that we’re slowly removing redundancies, levels of arbitrary approvals, and decreasing the number of obsolete middlemen in order to take a 50 step process down to a 5 step one. I want to make this. Do you want it? Ok, give me money and I’ll do it and then you can have it. Here, I made it like I said I would. Thanks. That’s pretty much how it’s always been, accept now those are the ONLY steps (in most cases), instead of just the major milestones between dozens of other, smaller ones. That isn’t to say creating a thing like a show or a book or an album doesn’t require hundreds of steps, and hours and often times people. It’s just that there are fewer INDIVIDUALS that can tell you, “No. Stop this,” and you’d actually have to stop.

The Veronica Mars Kickstarter (which funded on its first day and is currently hovering over $3 million) is a different beast than your typical crowd funded project. Instead of a person or team with an idea to make a thing, and all they need is money and time, this is a studio owned property that’s jammed up sideways with the typical Hollywood bullshit red tape. Rob Thomas doesn’t own his show, which means some WB exec said, “We’re not going to give you $2 million to make a movie for a cancelled show that no one cares about. Come at me with a pitch for an adapted fairy tale but with hot teens and we’ll talk business. Now it’s TIME FOR COCAINE!” And Rob Thomas said, “A) I do not front Matchbox 20. That is a DIFFERENT dude. And B) How about I get the Internet to give you $2 milly? Then can we do our movie?” And that exec probably replied, “SURE WHATEVER IS IT HOT IN HERE TO YOU IT’S PRETTY HOT TO ME I DON’T THINK IT WAS THIS HOT BEFORE I DID ALL THIS COOOOCAAAAAAAAAIIIIINNNNNNNNNE!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! AAAAAAAAAAGHGHGHGLGLGLGLG!!!!!”

I honestly forgot what I was writing about during that last part, so I’ll wrap up by saying that this is the first step in a BIG BIG change in how very expensive projects get made or whether they get made at all. There will certainly be some (probably A LOT) of people that take this idea and try to replicate its success in extremely dumb ways, but there will probably also be quite a few worthy projects that get off the ground because of it. I don’t think we’ll get a Serenity 2: Zombie Wash In Space from Kickstarter any time soon, but I bet we get a few more proper finales to some unduly truncated TV shows. It’s a BIG baby step in the right direction.

COMMENTERS: First off, are you psyched for this Veronica Mars movie? Did you love the show or overlook it as “Buffy without monsters” like I did? Second thing: What property do you think would best benefit from a Kickstarter resurrection? A cancelled show, a long rumored and eventually shelved movie project? A video game sequel that never happened?

Dead Leaves On The Dirty Wind

Joel — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 21:07:25 +0000

[STORE UPDATE 02/04/13] Thanks to the diligence of the Blind Ferret team, the HijiNKS Ensue Store is un-hacked, re-upped and back-backed! I’ve lost over a 1/4 of my merch revenue for the month (and Jan/Feb are already slow months) so let’s all go celebrate by BUYING SOMETHING!!!

My temporary PRINT SHOP with my BRAND NEW “TESLA UNCOILED” print and many of my most popular large prints is still up and running and probably will be until I return from JoCo Cruise Crazy 3. Get on that mess while you can!

COMMENTERS: Should the Firefly/Serenity ‘Verse continue, do you want them to find a way to resurrect Wash? If so, how? Long lost twin? Rapidly aged clone? Android haunted by the ghost Agent Coulson? I really hope it isn’t done with a Prequel since we wouldn’t see everything that changed in the ‘Verse post-Serenity.

RSS CHANGES!!!

I’ve stopped using Feedburner since Google has abandoned it. The old feedburner feed will continue to work, but you should resubscribe using http://hijinksensue.com/feed/.

If you used to get HE in your email inbox through Feedburner, this service seems to offer the same functionality for free.

Just plugin the HE RSS feed [http://hijinksensue.com/feed/] and your email address.

Parallelogramps

Joel — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 14:53:37 +0000

CRUISE FUNDRAISER UPDATE: All 100 “Bridge Collapse” prints are sold, signed, packed and shipping as I type. If you ordered, you’ll get a shipping email soon.

Me and Wil Wheaton made some shirts for you to put on your body.

I have mixed feelings about the ending of Fringe (warning you now, I will definitely be posting SPOILERS]. On one hand, I LOOOOOVED the show, loved the characters, loved the intricate, interweaving plots and subplots and especially loved John Noble’s mushy grandpa face that he wants me to kiss the cheeks of because he is my crazy science grandpa. On the other hand (and this is coming from someone who just said all of those things that I just said), I think they finished telling the story of Fringe a season ago when they finally realized William Bell was the big bad all along and defeated him.

Every mystery established since the pilot: what’s with all the weirdo science crap happening all over the place, who’s this dude David Robert Jones, and what’s his deal, why is Olivia so special, why is Peter so SUPER special, who are the ZFT and are they the bad guys, who are the observers and are THEY the bad guys, who is William Bell and IS HE the bad guy, what happened to Walter’s brain, what’s the deal with Nina and Massive Dynamic and ARE THEY the bad guy? All of these questions were answered to my satisfaction by the time Olivia took the bullet to the head on Belly’s boat.

Everything that happens after that point (and really everything that happens in the first half of season 4) is basically non-integral to the overall story arch of Fringe. Especially considering all the timeline reboots and in-universe retcons that take place in parts of season 4 and the entirety of season 5, those literally do not effect the plot. That said, I did enjoy nearly every episode of the final two seasons. It was great TV and great Sci-Fi. I’m just not sure that all of it was necessary. The argument could even be made that the last two seasons kind of muddy up the mythos of Fringe and detract more than they add. The showrunner already apologized for the “Peter never existed” plot (which should have been 2, maybe 3 episodes max). If you completely ignore the vanishing Peter aspects of season 4, it makes an appropriate endcap for the series (assuming Peter would have gotten out of the machine alive having healed the mutliverse, instead of teleporting to a future war zone). And the “Observers invasion” final season was quite enjoyable, but it was a completely different story from what seemed like a completely different show. It was a ballsy move (skipping 21 years between TV seasons), but I don’t think it was needed.

The Observers might be the one thing that required a bit more explanation by the time Olivia took the bullet and saved the universe(s) once and for all, but I think they could have tied a nice little bow around their existence with one final scene where either Olivia or Walter are greeted by September, who explains how they are from 600 years in the future and how they’ve been intervening in Walter, Olivia and Peter’s lives in order to make sure the two universes were healed. The end. The “we broke the future so we’re going to conquer the past” just doesn’t feel like anything that was ever really planned for Fringe. It felt tacked on at the end. Blah blah blah, still liked it, yadda yadda.

Fringe has been rerunning on the Science Channel for awhile now. I find that I can’t watch single episodes of the show AT ALL. It’s far too serialized to catch a one-off without a definite plan to continue from that point on. Even the early “monster of the week” episodes bother me as standalone adventures because I know too much and I want the characters to know the same as I do. The most satisfying episodes in terms of rewatchability for me are the ones before Peter disappeared where we were alternating between universes. The contrasts between the Universe-A and Universe-B characters, the story possibilities they explored, all of it was just incredibly satisfying. And Walternate… ooh man he was a fantastic character, due in no small part to how my love for Walter fed into my near hatred and ultimate FRUSTRATION with Walternate. That was some expert writing and acting.

Damn, I guess I sort of wish the show had been cancelled after season 4 after all. Oh well. Considering it was primetime sci-fi and ESPECIALLY considering it was on FOX, it’s safe to say I got more quality entertainment from Fringe than I deserved or should have ever expected.

COMMENTERS: How did you feel about the Fringe finale or the last two seasons in general? If you’ve never watched Fringe, what kept you away? Please tag spoilers in your comments with [SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS!!!!!] for the sake of others.

If you used to get HE in your email inbox through Feedburner (a service I stopped using this year because Google stopped supporting it), this service seems to offer the same functionality for free.

Just plugin the HE RSS feed [http://hijinksensue.com/feed/] and your email address.

Wheaton Comic Dare: We Have To Go Back!

Joel — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 00:36:54 +0000

CRUISE FUNDRAISER: 85/100 prints are sold and it would be great to sell that last few remaining prints before the end of the year. I am also going to leave up the additional prints and print packs for sale until probably February in case you want to get in on that action.

Hey Sci-Fancy Bastards! Syfy Tv Movie Title Generator Shirts are almost gone from the HE store for good and they’re CRAZY CHEAP! Men’s are down to Sm and Med. Ladies sizes are more abundant.

You guys know the Weaton Comic Dare drill by now. He dared, Stepto jumped in, I responded and did my cartoonistly duty. Everybody wins. This comic hits a little too close to home. The home which I never leave. The home in which I rarely change out of my pajamas. The very same home where I go to bed at 7am and start my day around 3m. This is a weird job. Freelancers know what I’m talking about. Putting on pants just causes problems. Like having to know where pants are, or how to clean them. Serious problems.

Bid on an auction to APPEAR IN A HIJINKS ENSUE COMIC! It’s for charity! Only 4 days left!
And only 1 day left to bid on this sweet Webcomics Jam Poster.

My desire to prevent my friends from being dissappointed by LOST is the same as Lord Elrond’s desire to save his daughter Arwen from toiling in a mortal life only to die, when eternal paradise is only a boat ride away. The irony is he WANTED her to go the island. I’m trying to keep as many people off the Island as possible. It’s not that there was NOTHING to enjoy about LOST. In fact the first 3.5 seasons are some of the finest TV that’s every been TV’d. The problem is the steeeeeeeep drop in quality halfway through the 3rd season that just continually plummets to a dismal and unsatisfying conclusion. If you have the willpower (and most don’t) to watch the first 3.5 seasons then pretend it was cancelled, you might end up being the happiest geek alive. All of your questions will still never be answered, but at least you don’t have to experience the half-hearted nonsense of the back half of the show.

COMMENTERS: When I found out my friend Stepto was going to crash his plane into the island, I tried to sum up what was about to happen to him via Twitter. Turns out it only took 4 tweets. Have you ever tried to stop a friend from delving into disappointing geekery? Did they do it anyway? Did they love it, despite you? WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOUR FRIEND!?

Walker, Infectious Danger

Joel — Wed, 05 Dec 2012 13:14:19 +0000

CRUISE FUNDRAISER: About 55/100 prints are sold and I only have until Dec 15th (10 days left!) to meet my goal of selling all 100. Help me get on a nerd boat and get some neat art for yourself in the process!

ME AND WIL MADE A NEW SHIRT HOLY CRAP I LOVE IT!

How is Zamby formed? How does girl get infacted?

Sweet decapitated, yet still teeth gnashing Father Christmas I am SOOOO pleased with The Walking Dead‘s return to form this season. I consider it a television tragedy of the highest regard that they basically took an entire season off, but with season 3 the show has done such a fierce and rewarding 180 as to almost allow forgiveness for wasting our time for 13 Farm-tastic episodes.

In all honesty, season 2 had maybe 4 episodes worth of compelling story and content, but they decided to spread it out over 13 hours with nearly an hour of it jammed in the finale. It made for an uneven and uninteresting season and prompted many fan (including myself) to mark the show as dead in the water. I know it had a lot to do with the budget cuts, increased show order and crew departures, all of which make it even more shocking that Season 3 has been so enjoyable. Enjoyable is the thing where you’re so tense it feels like your temples are being crushed under a forklift and you bleed uncontrollably from your ears and scalp, right?

COMMENTERS: What do you think about The Walking Dead’s comeback and the midseason cliffhanger? There are 8 episodes left in this season. Can they spend all 8 killing Merl and The Governor over and over and over and over? Alternately: Please continue the fan in panel 3’s review of Season 2 of The Walking Dead or any other terrible season of an otherwise great show.

I made you a LoFi comic about Jack Reacher. Don’t forget to check the thumbnail to the right of the comics to see if there’s a new LoFi. I’m updating them more often now.

AUSTIN, TX FANCY BASTARDS: Webcomics Rampage is THIS WEEKEND!

The Spiffiest Time And Space Man

Joel — Mon, 03 Dec 2012 10:13:49 +0000

ME AND WIL MADE A NEW SHIRT HOLY CRAP I LOVE IT!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE READ THE QUICK NEWS ITEMS BELOW:

FANCY SKETCHES: If you ordered a Fancy Sketch and haven’t received it, good news! It’s in the mail. All 120ish Fancy Sketches are out the door. The image above is adapted from one such sketch, in fact. The idea belongs to Fancy Bastard Ron M. I was so happy with how it turned out in the end I decided to digitally paint it and put it up for everyone to enjoy.

CRUISE FUNDRAISER: About 40/100 prints are sold and I only have until Dec 15th to meet my goal of selling all 100. If you’ve got $35 bucks to spare and wouldn’t mind a couple of nice pieces of artwork for your home, maybe help me out why not?

HOLIDAY SHIPPING: The cutoffs are coming up fast. Read more HERE.

AUSTIN, TX FANCY BASTARDS: Webcomics Rampage is THIS WEEKEND!

MORE INFO HERE. The guest list is stellar and it’s always a great deal of fun. Plus it’s free. C’mon! How can you argue with free fun surrounded by awkward webcomics creators?!

COMMENTERS: The Doctor travels through space and time and several dimensions to visit your favorite comic strip characters from childhood. Which one is it and why? Why happens when he gets there? I bet if he goes to Apartment 3G, he finds out the whole apartment is a living phantasm that traps people inside and feeds on their misery. I mean, he’s always going to places like that and Apartment 3G sucks a hundred dump trucks full of butts.

Bridge Collapse

Joel — Wed, 28 Nov 2012 11:22:58 +0000

UPDATE: The JCCC3 signed, numbered, limited print is up for sale!

Info about and holiday shipping deadlines for various HE-type merchandise IS HERE.

Short Version: If you want something ( like HijiNKS ENSUE T-Shirts (also in Ladies Sizes), Books, A Lil’ Wil Wheaton Plushie , Holiday Cards, DISCOUNT T-Shirts or AWESOME high quality prints of ANY HE comic) before Dec 24th, ORDER IT VERY NOWISH.

Same goes for Sharksplode Doctor Who Shirts, Wil Wheaton Themed Shirts, this one, that one and ALL OF THE SHIRTS ENTIRELY.

Guys, it is JoCo Cruise Crazy fundraiser time again. If these words are foreign to you, please read this post from last years JCCC fundraiser to get an idea of what this special event is, and what it means to my wife and I. We work hard and we struggle to maintain this “do what you love for a living” lifestyle, and despite all of its perks it really doesn’t leave any extra money for things like fantastically geeky vacations. That’s where you, The Fancy Bastards, come in. Just like last year I am going to be offering 100 signed and numbered limited prints of the image above (a fully inked and colored version, that is) in order to raise money for the flights, hotel, cruise, food, etc.

For $35 (plus shipping) you will get the 11X17″ “Bridge Collapse” print, plus one more 11×17″ print of your choice (“Where’s Carl?” “Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey,” or “Rival Smugglers”). For $55 (plus shipping) you will get all 4 prints.

I will also be offering extra signed Print Packs (four 8.5×11″ prints on the same theme) for $25 each (+s/h). The packs will be “Doctor Who 1,” “Doctor Who 2,” “Joss Whedon,” “Battlestar Galactica,” and “Wil Wheaton.” You will be able to buy these even if you don’t buy the limited print.

I will ALSO be offering a few stand alone 11×17″ signed prints like “You’re The Last Of the Timelords, Charlie Brown,” “Winter Is Coming” “Grammar Dalek” and “I’m A Snowflake On The Wind” for $15 each (+s/h) or all four for $45 (+s/h).

The last JoCo Cruise was one of the all time highlights of my life (as you can see). I would love to be able to take my wife on it at least one more time and give you some extremely Fancy artwork in the process. The prints will go on sale at (or around) midnight central tonight. (UPDATE: They are up for sale now!) I will update this page with a purchase link. Thanks!

COMMENTERS: Assemble your perfect starship bridge crew chosing from all characters in the whole of Sci-Fi. Who gets which job and why?

ANOTHER THING: Me, Rob and Wil did something very silly last night.

Bardemic: Sherlock And Terror

Joel — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 22:55:42 +0000

NEW Doctor Who/Dr. Seuss Shirt at Sharksplode!
DO YOU WANT A PRINT INSTEAD?

UPDATE: Enjoy a Skyfall themed LoFi comic!

Like all who uncover a conspiracy, I am shocked that more people (as in ALL PEOPLE) aren’t obsessing over it already. I seem to be the only person alive who noticed that Silva, played by Havier Bardem, in Skyfall is just a redressing of Moriarty from the BBC’s Sherlock. It’s not even subtle.

!!!SKYFALL SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

DAMNING SIMILARITIES: Both are consulting criminal masterminds that offer their services to the highest bidder. Both go on and on about how crimes are all committed digitally these days and master hackers are more powerful than armed thugs. Both compare themselves to their enemy as an “equal but opposite.” Both offer to join up with their nemesis to rule the crime world. Both at least pretend to be gay or bisexual (it is unclear whether either character actually is). Both have a silly way of talking. This is probably just Bardem’s accent, but they definitely both have odd inflections and word emphasis.

THE MOST DAMNING SIMILARITY: Silva’s entire capture and and escape from MI6 plays out EXACTLY like Moriarty’s capture and escape from “The Reichenbach Fall” episode from Sherlock series 2. In each the heroes realize just as things start to go wrong (doors open/bank vaults open) that the capture was orchestrated by the villain. Both villains are housed in glass cells in the center of a room. Both villains just sit there all nonchalant waiting for their plans to take effect. Silva might as well have written “Get Bond” on his cell.

None of these points makes Skyfall a necessarily bad movie, but if you’re a Sherlock fan they will certainly take you out of the moment.

Skyfall was actually quite entertaining, but it certainly wasn’t without its shortcomings. First of all, it’s at least 20 minutes too long. There were so many opportunities to trim the fat, but I have to wonder if they left the pacing slow and even at time dull in order to maintain some sort of British cinema sensibility. A few nitpicks: there’s just too much Dench. There’s a decidedly decent dose of Dench and it detracts from the d… movie. Bardem is quite captivating on screen but he doesn’t show up until about halfway through the movie. When it’s over, if you really think about what Silva had built, what his motivation for killing M was and what he eventually lost, it’s pretty much impossible to understand his motivation for going through with it all in the way that he did.

After that list, I’m wondering what I actually liked about Skyfall. I guess I could say when it was moving, when Bond was BEING Bond, it was great. The whole thing at the end where we “catch up” to 1960’s Bond canon (Moneypenny, a male M, the Aston Martin, The Scottish roots, etc) seemed a bit odd at first but really I ended up finding that whole through line charming in a VERY James Bondish way. You’re supposed to take away that these first three Daniel Craig Bond movies are an alternate universe prequel of sorts, where we see Bond becoming the Bond that we met with Sean Connery. I’m not sure how that’s supposed to effect the next sequels, but I take it more of a nudge and wink than a strict re-un-de-also-reboot.

So where does Skyfall fall in the rankings? Certainly better than Quantum of Solace, but not as good as Casino Royale. And the Sherlock stuff goes way past an homage and into straight up plot left.

COMMENTERS: I KNOW I AM NOT CRAZY! ALL THAT SHERLOCK STUFF IS REAL! PLEASE TELL ME YOU SAW IT TOO! TELL ME I’M A GOOD BOY! TELLLLL MEEEEEE!!!!

Also, what did you think of Skyfall? SPOILERS ARE OK in this thread since my entire review was spoilery.
READ COMMENTS AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!

Rory Hears A Who And Hatches The Cube

Joel — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 06:03:13 +0000

Do you want a freaking t-shirt of this comic?! I CAN HELP! Do you want a print instead? BINGO-BANGO!

This comic started as a Fancy Sketch Drive sketch request from Fancy Bastard Erin H. I posted the sketch on Twitter and TWITTER WENT UNSANE with favs and retweets. I contacted Erin and asked if she minded if I worked it up as a comic and shirt and she graciously obliged the use of her idea. I’m pretty happy with the outcome and I hope you enjoy it too. Thanks, Erin!

STORE NEWS!

Groverfield shirts are only ~~$7.95!!! WHAT?!~~ UPDATE: Crazy sale is over but they’re still on sale for $14.95
Grammar Dalek shirts are now available in Ladies sizes!
Pretty much all HE shirts are back in stock size-wise!
HE Books make EXCELLENT PRESENTS! In addition to the comics there are tons of extras and new commentary on every comic.
HE Holiday Greeting Cards are a thing you can buy and then send!

COMMENTERS: What do you think is the most heartbreaking display of romance/affection/love in geek pop culture?

TWO new HE Podcasts last week!
Episode 93 and Episode 94 With Voice Actors Yuri Lowenthal and Tara Platt!

Wheaton Comic Dare: Cutaways And Castouts

Joel — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 02:11:53 +0000

3 New Shirts at @Sharksplode: Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey, Rival Smugglers and Might Club!

STORE NEWS!

Grammar Dalek shirts are now available in Ladies sizes!
Pretty much all HE shirts are back in stock size-wise!
HE Books make EXCELLENT PRESENTS! In addition to the comics there are tons of extras and new commentary on every comic.
HE Holiday Greeting Cards are a thing you can buy and then send!

Whig Party dudes, amirite? They are THE worst. Every time you try to involve them in a bit, it just falls flat. Wil was on Family Guy last week. He tweeted, I made a joke, he dared. It’s the way of the world.

COMMENTERS: Who’s your favorite TV or film actor (who doesn’t regularly do a TON of voice work) to pop up in an animated thing? Speaking of Star Trek allums, I do love when I hear Patrick Stewart’s be-knighted tones in a cartoon. Of course Michael Dorn is always nice, but he was practically a full time VO actor for a decade. The reverse is an altogether different sensation. I love seeing Jeffrey Combs (one of my FAVORITE voice actors) acting on screen. He was in Deep Space 9 a lot and I recently saw him in The Frighteners. He’s got such a captivating/creepy on-screen presence.

Speaking of voice actors: HE Podcast Episode 93 With Voice Actors Yuri Lowenthall and Tara Platt!

If you want to help decide the fate of the next HijiNKS ENSUE JoCo Cruise fundraiser, check out this thread in the Fancy Bastard Facebook Group.

Malcolm And His Amazing Monocolor Browncoat

Joel — Mon, 12 Nov 2012 21:27:55 +0000

Last night I tuned into the Firefly 10th anniversary marathon on the Science Channel somewhere around hour 3. I didn’t get up from the spot I was in for the next 12 hours. I really hadn’t watched the entire series since the DVD’s came out. I was gifted the Blu Rays for my birthday by a generous Fancy Bastard, but I had yet to break them out and it seemed like 10 years was far too long to have waited. It also seemed like an impossible amount of time to have passed since they did, in fact, take the sky from me.

3 New Shirts at @Sharksplode: Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey, Rival Smugglers and Might Club!

Grammar Dalek shirts are now available in Ladies sizes!

Also, pretty much all HE shirts are back in stock size-wise for your holiday shopping enjoyment.

One thing that always catches me off guard about Firefly is that all the tropes and memes and catch phrases are things that were used, shown or said just once in the series. Everything the nerds glommed onto, from Jayne hats, to strawberries, to tight pants, to problematic food were just one off gags in single episodes. I think this is a testament to two things: A) the show was so well crafted that everything about it felt pre-established upon the first viewing. The world, the ‘Verse Firefly presented us with was already fully realized, even as it was unfolding before us bit by bit. To the audience it really felt like peeking in to something very old (in terms of development) and very real. And B) With only 15 hours of tv content and a eventually an added 2 hours of movie to obsessively analyze, nerds did what they do best and… obsessively analyzed the limited resources at their disposal.

After the marathon Science showed a partial cast reunion roundtable that took place just before the big Firefly panel at Comicon this year. Interviews with the missing cast members (excluding Ron Glass if I remember correctly) were spliced in. It was touching to hear how the palpable sense of demise pushed them to make the show even better, rather than causing them to sleepwalk through the episodes with a sense of gloom and defeat. Joss’s tear jerking speech to the San Diego crowd at the end was just that. An eye misting declaration of gratitude if their ever was one.

A couple of things I wasn’t expecting were the final revelation of why Inara had to leave Serenity and why she refused to allow herself to love Mal, and a deeper explanation of what Inara’s “magic” syringe was intended for. I know they explained it in the DVD commentary, but after hearing Tim Minear layout what the episode would have really entailed, I can’t think of anything darker that has ever appeared on a tv drama. Not even Breaking Bad could have touched that plot line.

As I write this post, I am listening to “King Animal,” the first new Soundgarden album in 13 years. Firefly and Soundgarden – early 20’s me is in full effect right now. This far removed from the cancellation, the outrage the fruitless online petitions and the shocking lack of fairness of it all, I think I would really appreciate an animated series right about now. So… let’s go ahead and make that a real thing.

I have a guest comic up at Wasted Talent concerning TRUE CANADIAN ADVENTURES!!!

COMMENTERS: Did you watch the Firefly marathon? Is there anything that you’ve caught 10 years later that you missed during the initial viewing? Or did you discover Firefly long after it was axed?

Might Club (His Name Is Phillip Coulson)

Joel — Wed, 17 Oct 2012 10:33:50 +0000

PAY ATTENTION TO THESE THINGS! THE THINGS AFTER THE TINY DOTS:

Here is the most recent HE Podcast: Episode 91 “Baltimore Bart’s Bed And Breakfast”
I made you a LoFi Comic about Mad Men!
Dallas Fan Days is THIS WEEKEND (October 19-21) and I am going to be there in the artist alley. I will have books and shirts and sketches.

Thanks to Joss Whedon, we can now utter Phil Coulson in the same breath as Tara and Wash. Whedon really knows how to go straight for the heart, which is funny consdering each of those characters were “the heart” of their show (maybe less so with Tara), they were ACTUALLY shot IN the heart (with a bullet, a giant pike and a magic spear) and their deaths hit us, the audience, right in the heart (specifically in the area governing the FEELS).

I know Coulson will make at least an appearance in the new S.H.I.E.L.D TV series, but I hope they find a way to bring him back as more than just the occasional flashback. I don’t, however, hope this means the whole series would be set in a world before The Avengers. I’d like to see a team of post-Avengers S.H.I.E.L.D agents making passing references to “the big green guy” and “the pompous ass in the robot suit. Maybe Coulson will be an A.I. construct the team consults with. Or perhaps one agent is studying Coulson’s video logs to learn more about his methods. Or maybe he’s the god damn Vision. Who knows. All things being equal, Joss is probably going to use Coulson as his personal Kenny, and find a different, more brutal way to kill him in every episode.

OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED PHIL! YOU BASTARDS!

COMMENTERS: Are you glad that Coulson is returning (in some unspecified capacity)? How would you like to see his character used in the new S.H.I.E.L.D show? Why does Joss Whedon love to see us cry real human tears? Outside of the Whedonverse, which character deaths in TV, movies, comics, books or otherwise hit you the hardest? Please use the SPOILERS!!! tag if it’s a current series or a popular book series that people are still reading.

The ADristocrats

Joel — Mon, 15 Oct 2012 05:08:38 +0000

KNOW THESE THINGS TO BE TRUE:

Here is the most recent HE Podcast: Episode 91 “Baltimore Bart’s Bed And Breakfast”
Dallas Fan Days is THIS WEEKEND (October 19-21) and I am going to be there in the artist alley. I will have books and shirts and sketches.

My wife and I are currently plowing through all 5 seasons of Mad Men. We’ve been running an average of about 3 episodes per night and are about halfway through season 4 (NO SPOILERS!!!!). Almost immediately I knew everything I’d heard about the show was true. The acting, the writing, the believability of the world, ALL were superior to nearly everything else on TV (save for Breaking Bad). There are moments when the racism and sexism are TRULY and BRUTALLY shocking, but those elements are never used in a sensationalist way. Rather they just remind the viewer how far society has come in 50 years and occasionally how far we’ve left to go.

Consuming so much superlative TV in such a short amount of time (the same way I blasted through Breaking bad, 1-2 episodes a night, every night), I’m starting to really coalesce a Unified Theory of Television. What I mean is, I’m beginning to realize that regardless of genre, setting or subject matter, every television show geared towards me (a human person smack in the middle of all the prime demographics) either fails or succeeds based on the exact same successes or shortcomings. I noticed that not even 3 episodes into Mad Men, I was pausing the show to talk to my wife about a character’s motivation, how they really felt vs. what they were saying/doing, what their next actions might be and what repercussions those actions would have on their future and the other characters around them. This and THIS ALONE is the halmark of quality television.

I understand the formula is complex (writing, plus acting, plus directing, divided by budget, times network confidence and promotion, times Pi, etc, etc), and can rarely be duplicated with a resolvable, remainderless and equal solution, but my point is that all of these issues will have for the most part already been addressed before you and I, the viewers, see the end result. So let’s assume that all television shows have an equal opportunity of having a good premise, quality writing, and strong actors (which they do not, but let’s assume it anyway to simplify things). If, by the second or third episode, I am not either questioning or relating to a character’s motivation (which implies that said motivation is presented CLEARLY), then there is little hope that this show will hold my full attention. Let’s hope it has plenty of special effects and maybe dinosaurs (which we all know can’t always save a boring show).

My friend Amy Berg is a talented and successful writer in Hollywood machine and she always says, “What does your character WANT, and what is PREVENTING THEM from getting it?” While watching Mad Men, I began to think more and more about this idea. You see, at first I avoided Mad Men because I thought the whole “Period piece set in the 60’s” was a gimmick and would be overwhelming to the story or hokey in some way. I very quickly realized that, when executed correctly, the story and the characters trump the setting or the gimmick. As long as the show is telling a human story that explores wants, needs, hardships and triumphs then it will be relatable to the audience. Be it set in the 1960’s or a derelict spaceship during a robot war, a good writer can always tell a human story and a good actor can always convey emotions that will suck the audience in to their world.

I began comparing Mad Men to Revolution and that’s when my hypothesis really started to pan out. I couldn’t figure out exactly what it was I didn’t like about Revolution. It had most of the elements that typically draw me in to a televised work of fiction. It had a distopia and a dude from Breaking Bad and Katniss is there too. Lots of things to like. So why was I ready to give up after 3 episodes? I realized the premise, the show iteself WAS the character. Every human in Revolution acts solely as an extension of the premise and serves only to further the overall plot. “Where did the power go? Will it ever come back.” The individual characters are all replaceable and interchangeable. The thing needs to get from point A to point C, but only after it blows up the other thing at point B. ANY CHARACTER can achieve these goals. The plot still gets where it’s going and the audience is only attached to the action or the mystery rather than the characters. I would get just as much enjoyment out of an episode of Revolution if all I did was read the synopsis. In this case I think the failure is writing. I know at least 2 of the actors in Revolution are quite talented, but they are delivering less than captivating performances and I believe they haven’t been given much of a reason to think about what their characters really want. I could go on and on about Revolution‘s failure to impress me, but this is supposed to be about Mad Men.

Another thing I realized while shotgunning season upon season of Mad Men was how important the “show don’t tell” rule can be in television. Take another example of a show I try very hard to like, but can’t seem to stop finding fault with: Falling Skies. Every single character on Falling Skies speaks with the same voice. They all talk the same way, express themselves in the same way, get angry, get happy, get whatever in identical fashion. This starts to become super apparent when you realize that every character on Falling Skies explains their motivations with the same technique: the fond remembrance. Character 1 says, “Why did you let those aliens go? We’re at war.” Character 2 replies with a pause, then, “When I was 8, my dad used to take me to the batting cages to hit balls. There was this other kid who BLAH BLAH BLAH THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS WHATEVER.” They all do it. ALL OF THEM. Kill them all and replace them with a new cast on the next episode and I won’t notice because THE SHOW IS THE MAIN CHARACTER. Don Draper can raise or lower an eyebrow and it SPEAKS VOLUMES. Now again, is it fair to compare exceptionally bad writing to exceptionally good acting? It depends. How much of Draper’s eyebrow movement relies on the page saying “Don raises eyebrow as if to say…” and how much relies on John Hamm’s ability to execute those instructions. Obviously both are required, but I presume that neither works without the other.

So what’s my point? I’m not even sure I have one. I just know that high quality premises are being ruined by lack of attention to character detail, and high quality actors are getting shafted by sub par dialog and a lack of overall vision for what a show is, what story it is trying to tell, WHOSE story it even is and where the whole thing is going. Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Fringe, The first 3.5 seasons of BSG, Firely… these are the shows that prove the impossible is actually all too entirely possible and that everyone else is slacking off.

That Boy Ain’t Right

Joel — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 20:54:22 +0000

Here are some things:

People have asked for a print or poster of the Sesame Street comic. You can click “Buy a Print” under any comic and get a very nice, high quality print mailed to you in regular or gigant-o-size.
If you are at NYCC right now, head over to booth 950 (Blind Ferret) and buy some of my stuff why not?
Here is the most recent HE Podcast: Episode 90 “BONE TOKENS!”
Dallas Fan Days is next weekend and I am going to be there in the artist alley. Not in the main hall, but up on one of the higher floors (four, I think) where all the celeb panels are held. I will have books and shirts and sketches.

DO NOT get me wrong. I have enjoyed immensely every Bryan Fuller created show I’ve ever seen (especially Dead Like Me and the cancelled-by-fox-after-only-4-epsisodes Wonderfalls). All I’m saying is the guy has a particularly morbid ouvre. It shouldn’t come as a shock that your shows keep getting cancelled when the subject matter typically concerns the two main thing the average American’s don’t want to have to face: mortality, questioning of their belief systems concerning God and the possibility of an afterlife. This illustrates, however, just exactly how watered down the “average American” forces all of our art/media to be. Wonderfalls and Dead Like Me were highly introspective and unreasonably creative shows that deserved mass audiences. They were shows that, while not forcing you, certainly ASKED you to think about “the big questions.”

I can’t say I was looking forward to The Munsters reboot, Mockingbird Lane, but I was at least going to give it a chance considering its pedigree. I’ve only read the synopsis and seen the promo images, but it just seemed like a needless grave-robbing (pun entirely intended [puntirely puntended]) of a once-popular franchise. Now the series has been canned and the pilot is going to air as a Tv movie sometime around Halloween. I’ll still watch it, but I’m not expecting a miracle. Is it completely insane that I think a modern Adams Family reboot would work better than The Munsters? They were just dark and ghoulish without being actual Draculas and Wolfensteins and what not. Seems like there would be far fewer limitations in bringing them into the modern world and having the show be sustainable without having to be sensational or ultra-campy.

COMMENTERS: What’s your favorite TV series that delved into the darker side? Is there a show that mixed horror, comedy and relatability better than others?

The Perils Of Companionship

Joel — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 20:39:07 +0000

Here are some things:

People have asked for a print or poster of the Sesame Street comic. You can click “Buy a Print” under any comic and get a very nice, high quality print mailed to you in regular or gigant-o-size.
Here is a new Lofi Comic about doing my taxes. It’s funnier than it sounds.
If you are going to NYCC, head over to booth 950 (Blind Ferret) and buy some of my stuff why not?
Here is the most recent HE Podcast: Episode 90 “BONE TOKENS!”
Dallas Fan Days is next weekend and I am going to be there in the artist alley. Not in the main hall, but up on one of the higher floors (four, I think) where all the celeb panels are held. I will have books and shirts and sketches.

Farewell, Amy and Rory. You were cute and ginger and stubborn and I liked you a lot. Go along, Ponds.

COMMENTERS: How do you feel about the Pond’s exit? Spoilers are fine. It’s been a couple of weeks, right?

DON’T READ THE COMMENTS OF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS!!!

But When I Like Something, It’s A Manifesto

Joel — Tue, 02 Oct 2012 04:28:56 +0000

A bunch of my T-Shirts are only $12 in the store right now. Check it out!

New episode of the HijiNKS ENSUE Podcast! Episode 89 – John Quincy Adams: Mummy Strangler

Thus ends another short run story-ish style continuity-let. Now to make some comics about The Pondless Doctor and Looper (which was super duper).

COMMENTERS: Feels, right? They’re the worst. What’s the most ACTUAL HUMAN EMOTION you’ve ever felt about something that happened in a TV show? A few shows have definitely made me cry actual man-tears, but none are coming to mind at the moment. Perhaps you will jog my sadness memories. I remember when the Galactica jumped into atmo on New Caprica, I actually stood up and cheered like I was at a sportspuck arena and a score had just happened.

Red Octoberfest

Joel — Fri, 28 Sep 2012 04:37:38 +0000

A bunch of my T-Shirts are only $12 in the store right now. Check it out!

New episode of the HijiNKS ENSUE Podcast! Episode 89 – John Quincy Adams: Mummy Strangler

Based on last week’s episode, Revolution is 0 for 2. This had me feeling like the fall TV season was off to bad start. Then I watched the pilot for Last Resort and my excitement was decidedly renewed. Almost instantly I was caught up in the premise (a nuclear sub disobeys questionable orders and seeks haven from it’s own government in the harbor of a tropical island that appears to be run by a pirate/drug lord/pimp). I was nervous, tense, excited, guessing and theorizing throughout the entire episode. These are all good signs. It’s so much more rewarding to be mentally screaming at the screen “NO NO NO! DON’T DO TH… OH CRAP HE DID IT! THAT SONOVABITCH!” than, “I’m SUPPOSED to like this kind of show, right? I mean, it’s sort of sci-fi. I bet it gets better.”

The laws of attraction apply to TV as well as people. Sure, you need to give people (and TV shows) a chance to show you what they’re really all about, but there needs to be an initial spark. Something to cling onto right off the bat that keeps you wanting more. Last Resort definitely has that spark. It’s the first new show I’ve seen in at least 3 years where the casting, the acting, the premise and the writing were ALL the strong suits. It’s also the only one I can recall in recent memory where all those elements were working together and moving in the same direction. All too often you see good casting wasted on week scripts, or good lines wasted on flat deliveries. Last Resort, at least in the pilot, isn’t falling prey to these types of maladies. If it can maintain this momentum, then I am going to be in for the whole season. Conversely, Revolution gets 2, maybe 3 more eps from me before I give up.

Bonus points to Last Resort for casting Dichan Lachman. She’s a scene (and sometimes show) stealer if there ever was one. Unfortunately I don’t think she even had a line in the pilot, but I am hoping they use her well in the future. Scott Speedman from Underworld is the X.O. of the submarine. I’m not certain, but I think he’s still a double werewolf.

COMMENTERS: What did you think of Last Resort? Keep spoilers to an absolute minimum and mark you posts as such: SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS!!!!

The Grand Opining

Joel — Wed, 26 Sep 2012 16:47:44 +0000

I really do have SO MANY OPINIONS about TV shows, you guys! Especially some of the ones that haven’t actually come out yet. How are those opinions even formed? Upon what basis do they situate themselves? I will answer these question in order. EXPERIENCE AND PURE CONJECTURE! That is either the answer to one or both of the questions. Perhaps all or none of them as well. I will probably explore these opinions about shows both real and soon-to-be-real in the next few comics.

It’s a very dangerous game I play, this liking and disliking stuff and tell people about it game. The strategies involved compare closely to master level chess or even dad-against-children level Monopoly. The bottom line is, my opinions are too big to keep inside. I must share them! I feel so strongly about things like TV shows and movies that were I to contain my critiques of them, my brain would go super nova and take out half the galaxy with it. Better to let me make my silly Internet comics and posts to exorcise my demons rather than clean up such a cosmic mess.

The word “opinions” actually comes from the old phrase “old pine ones.” As in, “That guy won’t shut up about what he thinks about stuff. Let’s beat him to death with bats. These old pine ones will do the job.” In the future, opinions will be cultured in a lab, freeze dried, powered and baked into snack foods. Opin-YUMZ! will revolutionize the worlds of eating garbage and feeling ways about stuff, since each time you pop an Opin-YUMZ! flavor discus into your face-cave, you’ll instantly feel whatever opinion was baked into that particular bag. There’s Zesty “Music was better when I was in highschool” Ranch, and Cheesy Chedder “Gary’s new girlfriend is too controlling” Blast and Tangy “Everyone is a little bit racists, it’s not JUST me” Mesquite BBQ.

WHY ARE THEY STILL MAKING THE OFFICE?!?!?! Are you still watching it? SHAME ON YOU! When the star leaves 3 seasons AFTER it’s not funny any more and they continue to make more episodes, all complicit parties are equally guilty. This includes you! Of course, this is the final season and people DO like to feel a since of “sticking it out to the bitter end” and all. Still, every time I see a clip from one of the recent seasons of The Office, it’s like going to visit a loved one who’s recently suffered a traumatic brain injury. You really just want to cling to your fond memories, but they insist on overwriting them with new, morbidly depressing ones.

Breaking Bad’ Star Bryan Cranston to Direct Episode of ‘The Office’

COMMENTERS: When I got my first email account (Hotmail circa 1995) I put a lyric from my favorite Harvey Danger song as my signature. “When you like something, it’s an opinion. When I like something, it’s a manifesto.” I feel like that perfectly sums up the way in which geeks like and dislike things. We just seem to FEEL more strongly about our preferences than the average person. There is far less, “Meh… I could take it or leave it,” within the geek community. We usually either loves something so much that it burns us or we hate something so much that we want to burn it. Do you have any particular experience (positive or negative) with this “intensity of opinions” that geeks seem to possess? Anyone ever harp on you for liking or not liking things in a way that they approved of? Are you the person that does that?

We All Want To Change The World

Joel — Fri, 21 Sep 2012 10:06:07 +0000

NEW LOFI COMIC! “Dumb And Number”

DONORS AND SUBSCRIBERS: The LoFi Comics aren’t showing full sized in the Premium RSS Feed yet. I’m working on it.

SEE WHAT I DID! I made a geek joke AND finished the 3 comic arc about how unbearably sick I’ve been all week AT THE SAME TIME! I’m not saying I’m great, but if you were to say it I would probably stand behind you and nod knowingly.

Revolution premiered this week. It is at least the 5th or 6th work of fiction I can recall from recent memory that deals with something akin to a worldwide EMP that knocks out all electricity, integrated circuits, electronic devices, etc. This is pretty well trodden ground, but that doesn’t mean the creators can’t tell an original story within a familiar framework. The odd thing (and the thing they damn well better expand upon pretty quickly as not to alienate their core target audience of over analytical geeks) is the show is proposing that the “laws of physics went crazy” so even though man has not magically lost of the knowledge of how to harness electricity, he cannot “begin again” as it were. Further more, mankind seems likewise unable to return to an industrial revolution era society… because of reasons. Reason that… will be explained?

None of the characters grabbed me right away. The main girl, let’s call her Katniss, because that’s exactly who she is (being dressed like Katniss and given a bow and arrow to run around with) seems… bland. Emotionally bland. Elizabeth Mitchell (who I enjoyed in LOST), seems to have a very truncated role, but that could change. Gus Fring from Breaking Bad is there, but without his accent, I just don’t find him as terrifying. Maybe he’ll slit someone’s throat for no reason, then I’ll know he means business.

All of that aside, as my wife pointed out, it was not nearly as boring at the recent crop of network sci-fi (Terra Nova, season 1 of Falling Skies, etc.) I am definitely going to give it a chance, but I feel like the pilot being filled with logic-holes is a bad start. Planes dropping out of the sky like stones is a neat looking effect. That planes don’t do that when they lose power makes it more of a distraction. That guns work, but internal combustion engines that don’t rely on computers don’t work raises further questions. Someone on Twitter suggested “spark plugs don’t work if electrons don’t work,” which would also imply that static electricity doesn’t work either, nor does MOTHER TIT-GRABBING BIOCHEMISTRY. All machines getting zapped is one thing. Building the show around the idea that electrons don’t behave like electrons any more pretty much means that everyone would have dropped dead on the spot.

With all of that in mind, I’m starting to think a REALLY cool idea for a show would be a post-global EMP world where they DO return to the industrial age. We still have the knowledge to mass produce cars and iPhones and jets, but without a single operational robot-controlled factory, or wafer fab plant it really wouldn’t matter. We would have to start over and work our way back to where we are today. The interesting part would be that there are those that want to get us back to where we were as quickly as possible, those that wanted to embrace the simplicity and those that want to go in a completely different direction. They would look at this catastrophe as a do over. I also like the potential for stories about the redistribution of power. When all electronic money vanishes in a blink, the rich and powerful become less influential than the common man. (To be fair, this was briefly touched on in the Revolution pilot). When you can’t buy people off, how do you influence them? I’d also like to see that maybe there’s one part of the work, either underground or otherwise secluded that was totally unaffected. They have solar power and super computers and backup of the Internet, and maybe a jet… IT’S RICHARD BRANSON! He’s the only one who still has tech! Oh man, I want to see THIS show now.

FANCY SKETCH DRIVE UPDATE: I am still drawing these things. A lot of you gave VERY generously and I am not content to toss off a quick sketch in the cases of $50 – $100 donations. I want you to have a nice piece of art for your troubles, so please bear with me and maintain both enthusiasm and patience. I’m getting a handful of them done every day, but I still have about 50 to go.

COMMENTERS: Did you watch Revolution? What did you think?

Scalzi Comic Dare: All My Sweet Pitches

Joel — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:01:47 +0000

HijiNKS ENSUE PODCAST Episode 87 “ZombieWhatever.com” is live!

Alternate Title: Pitch Slapped
Alternate Alternate Title: Pitch Slapped 2: Pitch Better Have My Money

In the past, only Wil Wheaton has been deemed worthy to wield the power of THE COMIC DARE. This week, however, another was found who possessed the strength of will and the Strength Of Wil (TM) required to harness The Comic Dare’s awesome might and use it for its most righteous purpose: SAYING DUMB STUFF ON TWITTER THEN FORCING ME TO DRAW IT! That person, the Beta Ray Bill to Wheaton’s mighty Thor is noted sci-fi author, Internet opinions haver, and celebrated balding ukester JOHN SCALZI (hold for applause).

Scalzi occasionally finds himself in the precarious position of being asked by TV executives how to put things on our watching boxes that are not overwhelming terrible, reprehensible and offensive. So far they don’t seem to be taking his advice to heart. He had just one such meeting earlier this week at which he pitched original ideas for shows, and clarified via INTERNET SHOUTING that said shows would not involve “goats, vampires or sleuths with mental issues.” As we all know, these are the three cornerstones of modern televised shenanigans. Well, the last two are. The goats… must be an Ohio thing. Subsequently he issued the challenge to bring Sherlock: Vampire Goat to life and I, obliged by my 1000 year curse… uh, obliged.

TV is at an all-time weirdness juncture. It is currently producing fictional dramas and comedies that will certainly go down in history as “the best things humanity was able to accomplish before The Fire Ocean cleansed the Earth of all Mankind” (Breaking Bad, Sherlock, Game Of Thrones, Community). But it is also falling prey to a dangerous trend in which networks do not simply steal genre ideas from each other (“You got a cop show, a medical show and a medical cop show? We got those too! Suck it!”), but they now steal ENTIRE SHOWS from each other and put them on the air AT THE SAME TIME. Sherlock is a modernized version of A.C.D.’s Holmes and it is essentially perfect. CBS saw that show and thought, “Yeah! Let’s do exactly that right now while they’re still doing it try to stop us you can’t HAHAHAHAH!” And now we will soon have Elementary. House M.D. (which was also based on Holmes… so in addition to the remaking current shows epidemic, we also have the “Every show is about Sherlock Holmes” epidemic) was off the air for many 15 minutes before another 3 or 4 “I’m kind of crazy, but also brilliant, but it’s my craziness that lets me see the world in a particular way and catch things others miss and it also makes relationships hard and it also makes me seem like a jerk because I am” shows got the green light. Perception is the only one that comes to mind immediately, but I am almost certain and totally unwilling to further research that there are more. LOTS more. Is Numb3rs still on TV?

At least every network tried their hand at the “fairytales are totally real” genre this year. Vampires? Forget about it. The CW just started making “Twilight: The Horrible Show on TV instead of the HORRIBLE movies in the theater” before Edward even married that werewolf frankenstein or whatever happens in those things. I know that doesn’t fit the premise I’m trying to establish because I don’t think there are any other vampire romance shows besides The Vampire Diaries… oh wait, Trueblood. There you go. I’m still right.

Anyway, what I’m saying is that televised fiction is currently straddling the finest of lines between its crowning achievement and it’s most uninspired dreck. There’s lots of middle ground, but most of it is so unremarkable it isn’t worth mentioning. By not being quite as bad and the worst stuff on the air, it becomes wholly forgettable. Save us, Scalzi! Save us from the Hollywood Industrial Machine that you are now apparently a part of! Oh, and call me about SH:VG. I’ve got some ideas for Moriarty.

COMMENTERS: Feel free to pitch your own “Current TV Trend Mashup” show idea.

UPDATE: Scalzi speaks.

Sherlocked And Loaded

Joel — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 16:25:21 +0000

My wife and I shotgunned Sherlock series 1 and 2 in three days. It wouldn’t have taken THAT long if she hadn’t insisted on feeding, caring for and paying attention to our child. A child who can almost open a the Pop-Tarts box by herself which essentially makes her self sufficient. When we finished the series I felt that strange mix of relief and anticipation that comes with totally immersing yourself in a particular fiction for days at a time. You’re satisfied to have completed your goal, but anxious for there to be more of it. More to consume. When something is THAT good, waiting months for new installments is like… well, it’s almost like a REAL problem. Which it is not. Still… HURRY UP AND GET ME BACK TO 221B BAKER STREET! There’s mysteries what need solvin’!

I feel like Sherlock’s immensely impressive powers of deduction would be wasted on someone like me who rarely leaves the house other than to run simple errands or go to the airport, and who posts nearly every detail of his goings on to the Internet. He’d step foot in my dwelling (presumably where I had either just been murdered or been accused of such), rapidly flash across the items lying about – my suitcase (still packed from my last convention), my office (the room where I keep my piles of things), the couch with a big my-ass-shaped divot in it and me with my makes-British-look-Jamaican skin tone) – mumble, “Booorrrring,” under his breath and let D.I. Lestrade take it from there. Then he’d go convince Watson to let him shoot a cadaver off his head with a canon and torment his brother ~~Minecraft~~ Mycroft until an interesting case presented itself.

I had a friend in my early 20’s that reminds me of Sherlock. He was smarter than EVERYONE in the room and was exceedingly frustrated with how much less intelligent everyone was than him. Of course this just made him seem arrogant and callous, when in fact he was just struggling to figure out how to relate to regular dumb people. He was the kind of guy that would give away all of his possessions then not have money for rent, or sell his car to pay for school, then skip all of his classes to read books about obscure, unused programming languages and small mammals. He was also one of my favorite people in the world. He even looked quite a bit like Cumberbatch. The only point to share all of that with you is to convey that one of the reasons I fell in love with the show Sherlock mere minutes after starting it (regardless of it’s incredible cast, superb writing, and sublime character development) was that I felt like I knew this guy and instantly understood what made him tick. I wondered if Moffatt had a friend like mine who inspired Sherlock or if he was just a culmination of his understanding of the human condition.

COMMENTERS: Feel free to share your thoughts on Sherlock. Did you ever know anyone like Sherlock who simply can’t relate to regular, stupid humans? Are you going to watch the US Sherlock show, Elementary, with Lucy Liu and the guy from Hackers? Well, don’t. It’s going to be terrible. What series did you watch via dvd, streaming or other bulk means that you simply couldn’t stop watching? “Just one more episode…”

Remuneration

Joel — Thu, 23 Aug 2012 08:38:32 +0000

HE Podcast Episode 85 just went live! Subscribe via RSS or iTunes.

Toronto Fan Expo starts TODAY!!! I’ll be there with Blind Ferret and booth #1244. More info HERE. The following weekend I’ll be at Dallas Animefest with Rob from Explosm.

THE END! The Eli/Boxcar Pete story is over! So is the comic! I’m done! Exclamation points!

Actually the comic isn’t over, but I know a few of you are IN NO WAY sad to see Boxcar Pete go. Interesting thing about moving from single, self-contained gag comics to longer form stories is that when someone hates what you’re doing, they don’t just hate it for one day. They hate it, and you for days and days and days and let you know about it in the rudest ways imaginable. I will certainly be keeping the stories shorter (and possibly further apart) from now on, but overall I am pretty happy with how this turned out. I pushed myself to draw people and places I am not comfortable with drawing, and to draw poses that weren’t just two 3/4 turned heads talking at each other. Since this story line wraps up something that started in the Avengers arc (the first mini story line), I feel like the whole thing has a bit of closure. It seems like a mini “season” to me. Anyway if you liked it, I’m glad. If you didn’t and managed not to send me a rude comment or email, I’m also glad about you. You are why we are almost able to have a society. Everyone else is on my list.

I drew this comic at my friend Paul’s house in Buffalo. Later today were are going to drive into Canada to ~~do battle with Frost Giants~~go to a convention. I know it’s sort of a throw away line in the final panel, but I have recently watched all of Sherlock and HOLYCOCKMOFFATS is it an amazing show. Really, it is just flawless. I could go on (and I intend to later) but for now it’s 5am and I have to drive across the Bifröst a regular bridge to Canada in a few hours.

COMMENTERS: WHY IS SHERLOCK SO GOOD?!?!?!?!

Breaking Fast

Joel — Tue, 14 Aug 2012 16:21:28 +0000

Grammar Dalek T-Shirts are in and shipping now!

There’s also a NEW FIGHTING TIME LORDS SHIRT!

Toronto Fan Expo is very soon! Are you coming? I’ll be there with Blind Ferret. The week after that I’ll be at Dallas Animefest with Rob from Explosm.

The Fancy Sketch Drive Sketches are just about sold out. I suspect I’ll be ending the drive this week. Every Fancy Sketch and donation in the month of August goes toward helping me buy a new air conditioner for my home to replace the exploded one which is too exploded.

The HE Podcast is coming back! More info HERE. First new episode drops tomorrow!

I posted a tweet on Sunday night that sums up what loving Breaking Bad has done to me:

@hijinksensue So should I send the medical bill for this ulcer to AMC or directly to Vince Gilligan? #BreakingBad

Of course it would be silly to send it directly to Mr. Gilligan. I’m sure he has people for that. Hell, they probably have a whole department devoted to helping fans find treatment for ulcers, nervous disorders, panic attacks, stress induced spontaneously bleeding eyeballs, hyper-wafflefication, Mrs. Butterworth’s Syndrome… the list goes on.

Walter White is perhaps the most fascinating character ever created for the small screen. I could (and DO) talk for hours about the subtlety and complexity with which he has transformed over 5 seasons from a loser (and a bit of an asshole) who wanted to be a bad guy, to a monster (who wants to be an even bigger monster) who fancies himself a good guy. Every time I meet or speak to someone who works as a writer, either for books, tv or film, the conversation ALWAYS ends up squarely at Breaking Bad. It’s a show that’s had 1000 opportunities to jump the shark and it’s never even come close. It has consistently escalated in quality from the pilot to this week’s episode. And thankfully it is ending this season, which almos definitely means it will go out on a high note. If the comic above is correct, the final episode will end with Walter Jr. will fly off into the sunset in his golden brown Wafflecopter and saying, “I thought we were going to Coldstone Creamery.”

COMMENTERS: I’m posting my theory and thoughts for the end of the show in a SPOILER FILLED thread on the Fancy Bastard Facebook Group. Feel free to post non-spoilery Breaking Bad thoughts or musings on Walt. Jr.’s cereal preferences in the comments below.

Rival Smugglers

Joel — Wed, 11 Jul 2012 05:55:45 +0000

Alternate Title: The Smugglers Brothers

NEW PRINT SIZES IN THE STORE! I might have some prints of this comic with me at SDCC. If you would like a print and you won’t be at SDCC, you can click the “Buy A Print” button beneath the comic [or click HERE] and select from either 8.5×11″ for $15 or 11×17″ for $25. They are printed on SUPER nice matte stock and ready to be framed.

The Fancy Sketch Drive ends TODAY Wednesday 7/11/12! I will be turning it off as soon as I leave for San Diego, around 2pm central time.

San Diego Comic-Con is right now! I will be hanging out at booth 1332 with Blind Ferret. Check my Twitter for signing times and availability. More info HERE.

Grammar Dalek Shirts will go on presale after I get back from SDCC.

I was going run some of the Fancy Sketch Drive sketches as filler while I was away at SDCC, but at the last minute I got inspired to post a colored and be-backgrounded version of the original art I did for the Edmonton, Alberta chapter of Can’t Stop the Serenity 2012. Apparently the drawing raised over $100 for Equality Now. Pretty shiny.

COMMENTERS: I don’t really think the Star Wars and Firefly universes would crossover well, but I was having a conversation recently that (with a little rule bending) the Avatar and Firefly universes could co-exist. What other sci-fi or fantasy ‘verses would mesh nicely together? I bet Blade Runner takes place 40, maybe 50 years before Fifth Element.

The Final Countdown

Joel — Tue, 12 Jun 2012 14:19:47 +0000

The Lil’ Wil Wheaton Plushie Pre-Sale STARTS TODAY HERE in the HE Store. The ONLY way to make sure you get one by the holidays is to order during the pre-sale. They’re $19.95 + shipping. Buy one for you, one for a friend and one to customize with a little fez or horrible spacesuit sweater!

Responding to this tweet from @NicaRedHead gave me the idea for this comic. You see, my friend Wil has what science doers call “Hockey Brain.” It is a horribly debilitating condition that causes one to flail about uncontrollably, run around the house screaming and gesture incomprehensibly at the television. As of right now there is no cure and no one is currently working on a cure or doing any research on the subject. Luckily for sufferers and their families, symptoms seem to subside… oh, about right now. Science doers can not explain this sudden onset total remission, because they don’t know what channel the NHL is broadcast on and chances are they probably have it deprogrammed from their cable box anyway.

COMMENTERS: Do you or someone you love suffer from Hockey Brain? Can you explain it to me? How many downs are in an inning? Is the goal master allowed to throw his ice mallet like a javelin? Wouldn’t it be easier to play on grass or concrete? Ice seems like it would be quite slippery. I wonder if the Mayor of Sports Puck called to congratulate The Le’ Kings (must be a french team) on their victory against the Othertown Differentcolors.

Know What I’m Saying, Holmes?

Joel — Thu, 17 May 2012 04:40:48 +0000

UPDATE 05/18/12: Donation subscribers of any level will get access to an RSS feed with the full comic in it.

I am going to be at Dallas Comic Con this weekend with Randy Milholland of Something Positive. I will ONLY BE THERE SATURDAY. Randy will be there Saturday and Sunday. You can find us at table 132. I will have books, prints, stickers and sketch cards, but no shirts. Really testing the waters on this one. If you guys come out and make it a good show, I will probably be back next year in full force.

Here’s another stand alone to break up the continuity before the next mini story arc. Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already.

Gigantic thanks to everyone that has donated last week, especially to the new donation subscribers. If you enjoy HE and would like to see it continue and even flourish, I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options. If you can spare $2 a month for a bunch of comics, I would consider you to be a pretty awesome type of person.

I am giving T-shirt ads in the posts a rest for a couple of weeks while I make some new ones, but why not check out The HE Store anyway? It’s still there.

Professional Science Doers project that by 2020 we will have moved to an entirely Sherlock Holmes-based entertainment society. Between House, Moffat’s Sherlock, Robert Downey Jr.’s steampunk bromance with Jude Law, and the new CBS Holmes series, Elementary, I just don’t see any way out of this inevitability. I say we all start investing in double-brimmed caps, pipes, magnifying glasses and cocaine before the crowd gets wind of this. And yes, I am counting any and all modern iterations of Jekyll And Hyde in this equation for obvious reasons. Or rather, for what are OBVIOUSLY reasons. Reasons that I have. Reasons that you should not question. Reasons involving scarves.

COMMENTERS: Do we need a new Holmes-boy, or is one Sherlock enough? Any thoughts on the upcoming House series finale? How are you hoping it will resolve? Personally I’m glad it’s ending now rather than dragging for another year. This last season really felt like a running start towards the shark with strong intent to jump. Otherwise, please make up more silly British detective names.

Location, Location, Location

Joel — Wed, 16 May 2012 03:47:42 +0000

The first mini-story arc is over. There are going to be a couple of stand alone gag comics before the next bit of continuity starts. Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already.

Gigantic thanks to everyone that has donated last week, especially to the new donation subscribers. If you enjoy HE and would like to see it continue and even flourish, I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options. If you can spare $2 a month for a bunch of comics, I would consider you to be a pretty awesome type of person.

Who would have known Sean Hannity was decended from the Qartheen?

Game Of Thrones basically boils down to matters of real estate. Everyone wants to be their own, as well as everyone else’s, landlord. The desire to collect rent AND not pay it are the only real driving forces behind those seeking power in Westeros. Well, that and sex. Everyone does seem to enjoy a healthy bit of boot-knockery. Everyone except Jon Snow, that is. I bet even Hodor has a romantic trist with a wine barrel or a dresser every now and then. A giant has needs. Hodor (Hodor).

A few notes about Season 2 of Game Of Thrones: A couple of episodes back when Tyrion slapped Joffrey and delivered the line, “And now I have struck a king. Did my hand fall from my wrist?!” I ran out into the street and slapped the shit out of the first privileged blond boy I could find. Stop seducing me, Peter Dinklage! I am a married man (call me)! Is the richest guy in Qarth named Count Duckula Ducksauce? It sure sounds like that’s what he’s saying. Don’t tell me if that isn’t his name. For next season, they either need twice as many episodes or to kill all of the characters twice as fast. As it is, each of the 11 storylines only get a few minutes of screen time a week, which is INCREDIBLY frustrating. I miss Ned.

Now, I’m going to go draw a bath, pour myself a glass of wine and watch a 4 hour loop of Tyrion slapping Joffrey. I’ll probably light some candles.

COMMENTERS: Please make your own “Welcome To…” or other tourism-type slogan for you favorite or least favorite fictional city, village, planet, dimension, etc.

NOTE TO RSS READERS: Based on all of your feedback I have decided to try just putting a thumbnail image with full blog posts in the RSS feed. Seems like most of you don’t mind clicking through since you are using the RSS just a reminder that there is a new comic. Here’s hoping this doesn’t impair the usability of the site for you, since it has the potential to greatly impact my ad revenue. I am also working on the possibility of a premium RSS feed for donation subscribers.

UPDATE 05/18/12: Donation subscribers of any level will get access to an RSS feed with the full comic in it.

Cryptidillated

Joel — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 04:40:19 +0000

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you!

I am going to be at Calgary Expo this coming weekend with Blind Ferret at booths 925/1025! The whole cast of Star Trek: TNG is going to be there as well, but you are probably more excited about seeing me or whatever. Right? RIGHT?! Well, you know who AIN’T gonna be there? Lieutenant Barkley. Fuck that noise, Space Admiral Dickhole. Broccoli or GTFO. MORE INFO HERE.

I caught maybe 45 seconds of an episode of Finding Bigfoot a few weeks ago and the “expert” in “bigfoots” on the “show” kept saying things like “squatches REALLY love this time of night for goin’ out and fiddlin’ ’bout in the woods,” or “these ain’t sqautch droppings. I can tell by the taste,” and “one thing a squatch really hates is when you keep saying SQUATCH all the time.” They also hate that they are make believe and thus don’t get a lot of respect. This dude was just throwing out details and factoids about this fictional beast left and right. He had obviously done his homework (i.e. reading Wikipedia or listening to an elderly dementia patient in a rocking chair on a porch of the nursing home where he was raised as a ward of the state after his parents were mauled to death by a squatch). It’s one level of bullshit to go on TV and pretend noises are ghosts and different noises are bigfoots, but it’s a whole different tub of shit to pretend to be a certified ghost expert or squatchologist.

COMMENTERS: Please share your brushes with the paranormal. Did you ever know anyone that was convinced their leaky pipes and aging duct work were sweet spirits from the beyond? My uncle was convinced that a ghost named Gary lived in his house and kept hiding his things. He was a particle physicist, so maybe Gary was just a big clump of Higgs-Boson particles trying to dark matter all up in my uncle’s cedar chest for loose change. Alternately you may offer up for silly names for silly shows. How about Noise Listeners, Spook Havers, or Enthusiastic Yeti Patrol?

I made some blank comic templates that you can print out for your kids. My daughter has already made a couple of comics about our cats magically transforming into different animals.

Guest Comic By Brian Patterson Of D20 Monkey

Joel — Wed, 11 Apr 2012 06:55:00 +0000

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt!

Since I am packing and print-making and prepping for C2E2, Brian Patterson was kind enough to provide you with an illustrated funny-time concerning role playing, Time Lords and a completely different kind of role playing. Brian makes a comic called D20 Monkey, which should quite adequately fill the dungeon and or dragon shaped hole in your geek soul that HE just doesn’t do anything for. Brian did THIS other HE guest comic last June, this one from March and THIS guest comic for my friend Alina just a few weeks ago. He has a shirt HERE that I think is amazingly well designed and funny, even though I would be a total poser if I were to wear it.

COMMENTERS: Have you ever had a game or movie or whatever that you were just DYING to share with your friends? Something from childhood that you might have perhaps been remembering through a filter of stupid child memories? Did it live up to the hype or were you disappointed and embarrassed. This has happened to be a few times with movies. The first was the partial-Python Beatles spoof The Rutles*, and the other was the 90’s gangta rap Spinal Tap homage Fear Of A Black Hat. Both were quite unique and hysterical when I first saw them (around age 15), but context is everything. In the intervening decade the mockumentary format was run pretty square into the ground, and I (as well as those I was so excited to share these films with) had become desensitized and jaded to the genre.

*Upon further reflection I might be confusing my second later in life viewing of The Rutles with a different post-Python project called Ripping Yarns. The Rutles might still be hilarious.

C2E2 in Chicago is this weekend! I’ll be with Blind Ferret at Booth 432. More details HERE.
If you are coming to C2E2, you really don’t want to miss our panel:

Panel: Webcomics Roundtable With Blind Ferret and Explosm!
Date: 4/14/2012
Time: 4:00PM – 5:00PM
Location: N426c

Come to this thing! It will be 100 funs!

Eterni-T

Joel — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 04:34:54 +0000

Did you know my books have 1000’s of words (many of them quite funny) that you haven’t read? I don’t just put the comics you’ve already seen on the pages. I write NEW COMMENTARY for each and every comic. There’s also funny character pages, forewords, stories, random nonsense and embarrassing crap I drew in middle school. What I’m trying to say is BUY MY BOOKS! I worked really hard to make them special and I think they’re great.

This is a thing I have been concerned about for a while. WHY DOESN’T MR. T AGE?! He is identical to the man (or is it myth?) that I knew of as a boy. Had that god damn son of a bitch kid that lived next door to me when I was 8 NOT broken my Mr. T action figure, I’m sure I could compare it to the man today and see no discrepancy other than his lack of a torso joint that spun 360 degrees! Oh, and REAL clever using Scotch tape to reattach Mr. T’s head, shitty fucking neighbor kid. Like I wasn’t going to notice. I was in honors classes! They taught us to look for shit like that! Context clues, motherfucker! Comprehension! And I was SUPPOSED to get to borrow your scooter in exchange for letting you take my Mr. T for the weekend, but when I went to claim my half of the bargain, your step dad told me it was locked in the shed and you were at your mom’s! FUCK YOU IN THE FACE FOREVER.

But I digress. My working theory is that Mr. T always has been and always will be. He might be some sort of celestial observer like Uatu The Watcher who just keeps tabs on Humanity for some unknown (hopefully benevolent) purpose. Or perhaps every planet has a Mr. T to protect it, like a jewelry-laden Green Lantern. Any one of those chains could be his power source. He probably wears so many to confuse his enemies. Using advanced maths and a comprehensive knowledge of 80’s pop culture, I can deduce that Richard Simmons is the Sinestro to T’s Hal Jordan. Their energies certainly seem equal but opposite.

COMMENTERS: Post your theories about Mr. T’s origins or mythic back story. Even if he’s just a regular human, you have to admit, he has aged remarkably little in the last 30 years. If not space magic, then how has he maintained his appearance? I bet it’s camel spider venom.

Holy shit, C2E2 in Chicago is next week. I’ll be with Blind Ferret at Booth 432. You Chicago FB’s saw how well Seattle did in the cookies, coffee, and booze gift department right? Are you going to let them show you up? Have you seen how shallow the pizza in Seattle is? Are you going to let them win?! [iced or hot soy latte, Starbucks Doubleshots, rum, vodka, tequila, pretty much any kind of chocolate, no nut allergies… I’m just sayin’.]

The Itty Bitty Symphony

Joel — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 04:53:45 +0000

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic]

As last Sunday approached I really did start to get desperate. Without adding HBO to my already bloated television package, how was I going to watch Game of Thrones? I was lucky enough to shotgun all of season one during a weekend long HBO free preview last June, but no such serendipity presented itself this time around. I assumed that, this being a non-insane world, I would be able to purchase HBO Go on my iPad and hook it up to my TV for the weekly viewings of beheadings and blood fountains and wolf maulings and such. Turns out this is in fact a TOTALLY INSANE WORLD, where HBO only offers it’s mobile service to those that ALREADY pay for HBO through their cable or satellite provider. You would think they would want, let’s say, $6-10 a month from all of the people who want to watch their content but don’t want 275 other channels of bullshit. It is one of those “shut up and take my money!” situations where the other party REFUSES to A) shut up and B) take the aforementioned monies.

I know this frustration is the result of existing deals the premium channels have with the cable companies that stipulate they not offer their content a la carte. The reason for these deals is to keep you paying $100 a month to get the 10 channels you watch instead of paying $2 or $3 a month per channel for those same 10 channels. Cable companies essentially operate under a model of prolonged denial of their own obsolescence enforced via content providers acting against their own best interests out of fear of change. It’s really a great system where everyone wins, only the prize is sadness. The concept of a cable company is broken. They know it and they also know that they are no longer necessary. Channels will be apps in less than 5 years. If you embrace that idea now, you might not end up like the record industry, you stupid dummies.

Luckily, my television provider just so happened to be offering 3 months of free HBO right when Game Of Thrones was about to premiere. I assumed the two events must be connected, but I couldn’t figure out how it benefitted AT&T (the provider in question). The only thing I could think of was that they are hoping to stifle anyone that might leave for another company offering new subscribers a billion free channels (including HBO) for the first 6 months, or that HBO requested the deal to get new users hooked on that sweet, sticky GoT. The first season’s free, as it were.

Speaking of Game Of Thrones, I did finally see the premiere last night and DAMN if it didn’t remind me what I was so excited about 9 months ago. Every single second Peter Dinklage is on screen I am essentially giggling with excitement. He absolutely owns every line and steals every scene. Even those he isn’t in, because I am still thinking about him. He’s like Poochie. Every time he’s off screen the other characters should be saying “Where’s Tyrion?” He puts the “IMP” in PIMP. My only criticism (and this is more George R. R. We There Yet‘s fault) is that with SO MANY new characters, new plot threads and new claims to the throne, it is difficult to see any one plot line or character arch progress during a single hour long episode. Alright, I have to get going. This three-eyed crow isn’t going to have nightmares about itself!

COMMENTERS: What did you think of the GoT premiere? If you are posting SPOILERS, please tag you comments appropriately. What’s the most complicated or expensive thing you’ve ever done to get to watch any one show? When I was a teenager, my home town stopped carrying Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. I had a girlfriend that lived out in the sticks and she was able to pick up Houston’s paramount affiliate on her 30 foot tall arial antenna. I would drive a tape to her house, she would record a month or so worth of episodes and I would watch them all in a sitting. DS9 was one of the primary reasons I was not able to break up with her LONG after I realized we had nothing in common.

Where’s Carl?!

Joel — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 11:17:10 +0000

NEW SHIRT!!! Where’s Carl?! Shirts based on this very comic are live at Sharksplode!

Where’s Carl? NOT where you told him to be, that’s for damn sure. That kid is exactly where he is NOT supposed to be (where ever the most zombies are), doing exactly what he is NOT supposed to be doing (which is anything but staying nearby and surviving) with EXACTLY who you told him NOT to be with (basically anyone that aren’t his parents). That Carl is a scamp and a half!

The Walking Dead season 2 ended last night and my spoiler free review for the entire season goes thusly: There were five boring episodes then one cool thing happened at the end of number six, then five more boring episodes followed by two rather awesome episodes. Looks like AMC’s whole “give us double the episodes for half the money” strategy didn’t really pan out. You could probably edit the entire season down to six quality episodes, but as it stands there was hardly three hours of good story telling or interesting action in the whole season. There was too much time filling, too many arguments over the same issues, NOT ENOUGH ZOMBIES, too much of every character saying the same thing over and over again, episode after episode, NOT ENOUGH ZOMBIES, too much time standing around the god damn farm, and NOT ENOUGH ZOMBIES.

If you want a high quality print of this comic, you can get it HERE. Might look nice as a print triptych with my Calvin & Hobbes/Serenity comic and my Calvin & Hobbes/Game of Thrones comic. Just sayin’.

If there is interest, I will consider a T-shirt as well.

COMMENTERS: How do you feel about this season of The Walking Dead compared to the first? Were you satisfied with the ending and where they seem to be going with season 3? NO MAJOR SPOILERS IN THE COMMENTS. IF YOU MUST POST SLIGHT SPOILERS PLEASE MARK YOU COMMENT AS SUCH VERY CLEARLY.

Guest Comic By Lar deSouza

Joel — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 05:01:29 +0000

Nothing says, “I bought you some stuff from the Internet,” like buying people stuff from the Internet.

JoCo Cruise Crazy II guest week starts now! I will be on a boat all week with about half of the Internet and a dozen or so of my close friends and at least a handful of my creative heroes, and YOU sent me there with your generous participation in my fundraiser! So, thanks for that. What a swell lady or gent or undefinable organism you are. I will karaoke “Come Sail Away” by Styx in your honor. Was I being too presumptuous in classifying you as an organism? I’m trying to be sensitive but at this point I will have been drinking rum punches with dolphins for several days and I should not be held responsible for… well, anything. Of course I am technically writing this the Thursday before I leave, so… now my eyes have gone cross. RUM PUNCH STAT!

It is a safe bet that you aren’t Lar deSouza, which is to say I am not as fond of you as I am of Lar deSouza because I AM SUPER FOND OF LAR DESOUZA! He is essentially the greatest guy. Completely disregarding the fact that he can draw EVERYTHING in nearly any style or configuration, have it look amazing and somehow seem effortless – disregarding all of that – he is one of the most genuine, sweet men I am ever met. Let’s see, you got the talent. You got the sweetness. You got the MIGHTY MIGHTY beard. You got the penchant for wearing fezzes and various other novelty chapeaus. He really has it all… ladies. Also he has a wife… ladies. So whatever you’re thinking… he is probably totally cool with you thinking it AS HARD AS YOU CAN. Maybe even email him some pictures of what you’re thinking of.

Lar was kind enough to contribute a comic for Cruise Guest week, but introduced him to Jonathan Frakes, so that makes us even essentially forever. You can see Lar’s work on Least I Could Do, Looking For Group, on Twitter and you can buy some pretty fantastic prints in his store. I personally recommend this one of all 11 Doctors as bunnies because… well did you read the thing about Doctors and bunnies? I know, right?

COMMENTERS: Perhaps The Doctor is our only hope against The Phantom Menace in 3D. How could he make the movie, nay, the whole prequel trilogy more palatable?

From The Makers Of Abilomaxocilizor

Joel — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 09:57:50 +0000

1000’s of words you’ve never read! Dozens of images you’ve never seen! Embarrassing crap I drew in highschool! BUY MY BOOKS!

Pre-JocoCruiseCrazy Lo-Fi comics undulate ever floorward in a sort of heap! Which is to say it is 3:48am on the morning that I get on a plane to get on a boat to stay on a boat for a week with a bunch of my friends. Maybe I should sleep. MAYBE YOU SHOULD WATCH YOUR GOD DAMN MO… yeah, I should sleep.

Still I could not resist turning some of my late night TV viewing Tweets into one last LoFi comic for you before I left for vacation. The particular commercial that sparked my Tweeting tirade was for a stop smoking drug (I dare not name it for fear of spammers), that might cure your addiction to cigarettes and also might make you KILL YOURSELF. I also once saw an ad for a migraine medication where one of the side effects was headaches. So, yeah… there’s that.

Guest comic week starts on Monday and boy are there some doozies waiting for you. SPOILERS: One of them is probably about boners.

COMMENTERS: Based on the comic above, please come up with your own drugs and their various side effects which are always worse than the thing they are supposed to be treating.

FLORIDA FANCY BASTARDS: If you are headed down to MegaCon in Orlando this weekend, please stop by booth 331 and see my Blind Ferret cohorts. They will have a selection of some of my most popular shirts at the booth including “The Doctor Is In,” “George” and “Winter Is Coming.” Supporting them supports me, so I highly encourage it.

You can now purchase a super high quality 11×17″ print of any HE comic by clicking the “Buy A Print” button between the “Previous” and “Next” buttons in the navigation menu. If you don’t see it, try refreshing your browser cache.

The Final Problem

Joel — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 10:31:42 +0000

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you.

@sizemore twatted a tweet so good I had to ask for permission to make it into a comic. Luckily he obliged, and thus you have the only ending to House that I will ever accept.

Before the pedanti-squad gets their pedanties all knotted up, I do know that once during season four of House “it” was, in fact, Lupus. I’m actually quite glad House is ending. It’s really the only formula driven, procedural show I’ve ever appreciated. I think the blame for that appreciation falls squarely on Hugh Laurie. He has remained consistently captivating for eight years. Even when the plot was faltering, the sidekicks were boring or the case was too fantastic to get emotionally invested in HE was the grizzled glue that held it all together. Despite my stubbley crush on the pill popping, leg limping wonder doc, I firmly believe the writers and producers of House have taken that character absolutely everywhere he could possible go. He has gone through various stages of addiction, recovery, self-destruction, and re-recovery more than a few times. He’s taken the same physical and emotional journey through the peaks and valleys of self loathing and self discovery over and over and to have him continue to circle around the depths of the human condition for 1 or 2 more years would be abusive to the character and the audience.

In all honesty, the show could have ended after season 4 and I probably would have been fine. They might have even checked out with a little more integrity at that point. The subsequent seasons have veered into territory so implausible that the ideas might as well have been borrowed from rejected Nip/Tuck scripts. Still, they somehow managed to real in the crazy and keep things interesting without resorting to too much sensationalism.

The problem with House is that it has always asked the audience to suspend disbelief in order to allow for a character that in any sane world would have long since died by his own actions or those of someone who has spent any length of time in his company, or at the very least been completely abandoned by anyone and everyone he had ever worked with or known personally. The show has explored each of these ideas multiple times, but the consequences never seem to stick. No matter how smart he is, no matter how many lives he’s saved, House would have been fired from PPTH in the first season and had his medical license permanently revoked. It gets harder and harder to ignore this fact as the show goes on since he starts committing felony after felony and goes essentially unpunished. Even after he basically attempts to murder his girlfriend/boss and her entire family he gets a truncated prison sentence, a slap on the wrist AND his old job back. I think the writers found it harder and harder to reset the show back to its basic premise after each consecutive escalation of insanity. If it were to continue any longer, house would have to assassinate the president with a tank, then somehow be elected president himself.

OK, I would totally watch that show.

COMMENTERS: What show that you enjoyed just went on at least a season too long? When should it have ended? I bet more than a few of you are going to say Supernatural season 5. For me it was Heroes, after season 1 and Nip/Tuck after season 2. I would also have accepted a straight up cancellation of LOST after season 3, since none of the unanswered questions up until that point were EVER answered in the remaining 3 seasons.

ALSO: Check out what I made for Josh’s 30th birthday.

#truemetalfacts

Joel — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 23:54:59 +0000

“George Hurt You” shirts are in the store!!!

I am sort of obsessed with the VH1 Classic show Metal Evolution. It chronicles the origins of metal from the earliest Celto-Scandinavian troll worshiping proto-Druids to today’s loud and angry angry-loud dudes, and ties it all together with lineage charts, moon phases, farmer’s almanacs, bundles of sage and armor piercing cod-pieces. As Eli says above, it IS a rich and storied history.

Last week’s episode regarding the proliferation of European “Power Metal” was particularly fascinating. Power Metal is a sub-genre that involves fast soloing with classical influences, powerful high vocals, and lyrical content about dragons, destiny, glory, battle, brothers and sisters rising, challenges, more destiny, a boat, more dragons, a bigger boat, ice, THE MOUNTAIN, overcoming, an enchanted lute, a regular lyre, a sorceress’s betrayal, the last unicorn, a dwarf, crystals, and valor. Another thing worth mentioning about Power Metal is nearly all of the songs sound like they COULD be glorifying white supremacy. They aren’t. But they sound like they COULD be. I strongly recommend Metal Evolution for all fans of music and the endless permutations of musical genres.

COMMENTERS: Please create more #truemetalfacts. If you post them on Twitter, use the hash tag.

The Fringe Candidates

Joel — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 16:30:39 +0000

You’re The Last Of The Timelords, Charlie Brown

Your foreign policy record is questionable at best, and you have yet to form a coherent theory as to where Nina Sharp’s true allegiance lies. What makes you think you can lead this country?

Sorry, non-Fringe fans. Not because you don’t get this comic, but because you aren’t enjoying the best show on TV. This will likely be Fringe’s final season (a year sooner than J.J. Abrams would like), due to it being too fantastic to be profitable. This seems to be the fate of all original, thought-provoking, well acted (extremely well acted in the case of John “Please let me curl up in your grandpa cheeks” Noble), well produced sci-fi on television. Any show that refuses to dumb down it’s intensely complicated, yet expertly executed premise in order to reach a wider audience just isn’t commercially viable on TV.

I think Fringe is the type of show you have to already be a sci-fi fan to enjoy. It asks a lot of the audience, but the average sci-fi fan is already used to accepting things like alternate dimensions, shapeshifters, techno-organic hybrid beings, and Leonard Nimoy. Each of those is probably a stumbling block for the average Joe “Is Real Housewives new tonight?” Television Viewer. J.J. Abrams has said that this season’s finale can act as a series finale if the worst happens, but that certainly won’t be ideal for the fans or the creators. I want, just for once, to know what the actual planned ending of a high concept sci-fi show was supposed to be. LOST and BSG don’t count since not even the writers themselves knew how those shows were supposed to end.

I used to think the place for shows like Fringe, Firefly, Stargate SG:U, etc was on the Internet, free of the trappings of network expectations, ratings and advertising. I wanted them to be directly accessible to the people they were made for, instead of slotted between Kitchen Yelling and Crime Cops: Topeka on Friday night. But those kinds of shows require MILLIONS of dollars per episode to maintain their level of quality. And I don’t mean 1 or 2 million. It’s more like 6 to 10. These are absurd numbers and certainly not Internet-type numbers. The worst thing about trying to independently produce and distribute sci-fi is the “sci” part and the “fi” part. The medium REQUIRES that spaceships, robots, lizard people and all other manner of imaginary things that simply do not exist and cannot be filmed unless created out of foam latex, pixels and money. So how does the BBC do it? Is it because they are publicly funded? There’s no way Doctor Who costs as much as an episode of Fringe, but the quality is there. Is there a DiY work ethic to BBC shows that the US entertainment industry simply doesn’t abide? Or is there just a wider acceptance amont the average brit for science fiction, and thus sci-fi TV stands a greater chance of reaching a mass audience over there?

COMMENTERS: I’ve asked about 100 questions in the post above. Feel free to tackle any of them. Or just post more Fringe debate questions.

UPDATE 01/25/12: You can now purchase a super high quality 11×17″ print of any HE comic by clicking the “Buy A Print” button between the “Previous” and “Next” buttons in the navigation menu. If you don’t see it, try refreshing your browser cache.

CHICAGO and CALGARY Fancy Bastards: I am coming for you! I will be at C2E2 April 13-15 and Calgary Expo April 27-29 with Blind Ferret.

A Good Day To Buy

Joel — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 20:23:03 +0000

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic]

Thanks to Lar, who inspired this comic via a twitter exchange a couple of weeks ago. Lar has some AMAZING prints for sale, including all 11 Doctors as totes adorbs bunnies.

There is a sort of reality distortion field for geeks that tends to envelop them and dampen their higher cognitive functions at events such as ren faires, comic-cons and… places where nerdy things are for sale. The example I always use is the one where you’re at a ren faire and you convince yourself that you REALLY NEEED an 11 foot tall driftwood wizard staff topped with a pewter dragon clutching a power crystal. I mean it’s only $200, and it’s basically one of a kind, and it would look SO BAD ASS propped up in the corner of your apartment between your alabaster Middle Earth chess set and your replica Xena shuriken/Gabrielle bowstaff. It seems like such a fantastic and fiscally responsible idea until you walk back to the parking lot and the reality distortion field fades.

I know some of you are able to get these items home and feel very good about your purchases, but for me they are just buyers remorse waiting to happen. I’ve never allowed myself to purchase something expensive that doesn’t actually do anything. I want to, believe me. I’ve just never had that kind of disposable income, or unclenched long enough to allow myself that kind of indulgence. I’ve had friends who own fantastic movie props, replica swords and lightsabers, hyper realistic costumes, etc but I’ve never been able to partake myself. I met a guy at Comicon San Diego last year that owns the largest private collection of BSG props (including most of the CIC) and I thought “GODS how awesome it must be to come home and be surrounded by that stuff… and FRAK ME that money could have payed so many bills!” I really think he’s the one that has the right idea. Him and the guy with the wizard staff and the lady with $3500 Serenity model with the blinking lights are the ones that know how to have fun.

COMMENTERS: Have you ever made such a purchase? Did you regret it or revel in it? What Bat’leth type item do you covet? I can’t go through those Harry Potter gift catalogs without having to convince myself that I don’t need Voldemort’s wand, a time turner and a golden snitch for my mantle.

A bunch of webcomic creators, including myself, donated items for the World Builders charity auction/lottery. They help families in 3rd world countries to be able to feed and clothe themselves through giving them goats, chickens, cows and such. Read more on Patrick Rothfus’s blog.

CHICAGO and CALGARY Fancy Bastards: I am coming for you! I will be at C2E2 April 13-15 and Calgary Expo April 27-29 with Blind Ferret.

Welcome To The Rock

Joel — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 13:31:00 +0000

“George Hurt You” shirts are in the store!!!

I like to imagine that if Jorge Garcia and Sam Niel backed out of J.J. Abrams‘ Alcatraz due to extreme insulaphobia, the producers would just go down the list of combination Lost and Jurrasic Park stars. First they would ask Matthew Fox and Jeff Goldblum, then Evangeline Lily and Laura Dern until they eventually settled on the guy that played Boone and the bottom half of an animatronic triceratops.

I watched the two episode premiere of Alcatraz and I definitely enjoyed it. It seems to be the J.J. Abrams show that has learned from the mistakes (real and perceived) of previous J.J. Abrams shows. It is a serialized mystery like LOST, but they have clearly planned out a trajectory for the show as opposed to “let’s keep doing crazy shit and hope it all works out in the end.” I say this only because there is no way he would pitch another show with no endgame after the complete shit-bagel that was the final three seasons of LOST. It also relies on the LOSTesque “present day/ flashbacks” plot device to tell it’s 50 year spanning story. It worked for the first few seasons of LOST and I expect it to work for this show as long as they don’t lose themselves trying to make TOO MANY interweaving back stories in the flashbacks.

Despite the fact that I think Fringe is the best show on television, period, I know that there are aspects of it that have scared off a mass audience and even universal adoption among geeks and sci-fi fans. Chief among them are the show’s “bad guy/experiment gone wrong of the week” elements overshadowing the overall story arch and vice versa. With a show like Fringe, or the X-Files or now Alcatraz striking a balance between episodic story and seasonal story is key to maintaining audience interest without leading to frustration. Alcatraz has laid the groundwork for a pretty flexible mix between the two that should lend itself to compelling stories with a fair amount of payoff vs. new questions. Since the premise depends on some 250+ inmates, guards and personel coming back from the past (seemingly one at a time) there should be room for a nice mix of “there’s a new murderer on the loose,” “there’s an inmate that we can feel sympathetic toward,” “hey, now there’s a guard and we need to help him find closure,” and due to the large numer of returning baddies they should be able to do the occasional ep featuring groups of them coming to the present to cause trouble.

Of couse, I might be just overly optimistic that Bad Robot is going to take everything they’ve learned from making (mostly) high quality television over the last decade and put that knowledge to good use. As a frustrated fan of LOST and an evangelist for Fringe, the “right things to do” seem obvious to me. Then again, I don’t make TV shows.

Speaking of people that make TV shows and J.J. Abrams, my dear friend Amy is now a writer/executive producer on Bad Robot’s Person Of Interest. It premiered at a time that I felt like I was being crushed under the weight of the amount of TV I was already watching, but I have only heard good things about the show. I need to start watching and get caught up.

COMMENTERS: What did you think of Alcatraz? Good start, shows potential or pass? How exactly has their island time effected Hurley and Dr. Grant’s daily lives? What other combination of LOST/Jurassic Park cast members should be on Alcatraz, or any other show for that matter? How about an CSI spin-off starring Anna Lucia and Nedry? She’s the angry, drunk, tough-as-nails detective who keeps accidentally murdering people, and he’s the fat, bumbling forensic scientist that keeps getting acid spit into his face!

Speaking of other people that make TV shows, Jon Rogers makes a show called Leverage, Wil was a guest star on that show, during filming he got the whole cast saying/doing the “Sci-Five,” Aldis Hodge adlibbed one during the season finale (“The Last Dam Job”) and IT MADE IT IN! A phrase coined by one of my shirts, was uttered and acted out in a TV show that I watch. ON THE TV! What is that I don’t even…

Somewhere In Time And Relative Dimension In Space

Joel — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 10:44:44 +0000

Just before The Doctor saves the planet, that bitch Harriet Jones jerks it out from under him. ARRRRRRRGH!

I owe a lot to Mystery Science Theater 3000. In all honesty I owe my job to that show. I didn’t realize it at the time, but every episode of MST3K I saw as a kid was teaching me how to be funny. From Joel, Mike, Crow and Tom Servo’s example I learned how to find the common threads in totally unrelated things and exploit them for comedy. I learned how to index, search and retrieve references and how to find the one glimmer of humor in a seemingly humorless situation (or film, in their case). They taught me less about “making jokes” and more about learning how to look at situations to see why they are already funny, or the find the missing piece that would make them funny. I use those lessons every single day and I am grateful that there was such a resource available to me. Considering none of that was even remotely funny, perhaps I have forgotten all I learned. Oh well.

I was lucky enough to get to hang out with Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett at SDCC last year and tell them just how much of an impact they had on my comedic upbringing. If you haven’t spent a great deal of time with Joel, Mike and the bots, I strongly suggest you stream the available episodes of MST3K on Netflix and FOR THE LOVE OF SPACE CHIEF you have to check out Rifftrax. The very fact that their commentary made both Eragon and Twilight not only endurable but enjoyable should be enough to convince you to give them your delicious monies in exchange for their electronic laugh-time files.

COMMENTERS: Please insert The Doctor into your favorite MST‘d movie. Give me the title and the key scenes. Perhaps in Pod People he could give Trumpy the choice to end his terrible reign of “making things float” and “doing stupid things” in exchange for helping him get back to his own planet. Of course in the end, when Trumpy doesn’t aquiesce, The Doctor would have to destroy him. Maybe The Doctor could team up with Rowsdower in The Final Sacrifice and stop all those… Canadians from… doing whatever they were trying to do. I’m still not sure about that one. ROWSDOWER!

100,000 bonus points to anyone that rewrites the MST3K theme song (any version) to be about The Doctor. I KNOW one of you can do it.

UPDATE 2:

BIG ASS 11×17 PRINTS ARE IN THE HIJINKS ENSUE PRINT SHOP!

UPDATE: Today’s comic has been desktopified and wallpaper-o-tronned for your amusement and downloadification. All HijiNKS Ensue wallpapers are now available on a “Pay what you like” donation basis. Please consider donating to support HijiNKS Ensue.

TO CURRENT VAULT SUBSCRIBERS: I am currently reworking the Vault and the incentives for donations. I have some really fun stuff to announce, hopefully later this month (January 2012).

What Is The Deal With Airline Peanuts?

Joel — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 12:57:36 +0000

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you!

While I wait for TBS to complete its inevitable transition into the “24 Hour Seinfeld Rerun Network” I satiate my need for unlikable characters dissecting the minutia of the human experience with the paltry 3 to 4 hours blocks of daily programming they currently provide. Seinfeld is one of those shows, like Newsradio, that I find to be infinitely rewatchable. Last week I was about 3 episodes deep into a Seinfeld binge when it dawned on me that nearly every premise, every complication, every problem these characters experience has been rendered moot by the modern smart phone.

Take the exact same characters and pose them with the same situations in 2012 and each episode would be about 4 minutes long, if not zapped out of existence entirely. “Are you sure we’re going to the right movie theater?” Check Elaine’s original txt, then Google Map it. “Where did I park my car in this parking garage?” Pardon the phrase, but there’s an app for that. Couple in the Hamptons wants you to see their ugly baby? Check the photos they posted on Facebook before you bother making the trip. Have you ever stopped to think about how much of Seinfeld involves getting lost? Or just not having access to a specific piece of information? In the age of the smart phone the show basically becomes the story of 4 extremely organized friends who rarely miscommunicate, have misunderstandings, or get lost.

If you examine this idea deeper the whole concept of Seinfeld really starts to unravel. Jerry, as a comedian, would never waste his witty lines on George when he could post them to his 150,000 Twitter followers. Eventually he would sell a sitcom to CBS based on his popular @ShitKramerSays Twitter account. George would be able to more successfully impersonate a marine biologist, an architect or even an importer/exporter having constant access to Wikipedia. As for “the contest,” well… for four sex-obsessed narcissists with constant access to pocket-pornography and 4G data connections, I don’t see any of them ever proposing this bet or having any interest in participating in it.

COMMENTERS: What other Seinfeld plot ideas fall apart when you add smart phones, or even the Internet to the equation? What about other classic sitcoms? Assuming they were trying to make Seinfeld today, what modern minutia would Jerry obsess over? Maybe the girl he’s dating posts too many cat pictures on Facebook. Or maybe she posts AS HER CAT. Would Kramer and Newman start one failed e-business after another? Would George freak out that his parents read his Twitter?

I Know My First Name Is Santa

Joel — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 11:26:52 +0000

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this Three Wheaton Moon shirt. You can buy it! Then you can wear it! Only two steps to total geeky happiness? Sign me up!

Lifetime: The Network Your Aunt Likes (You know that ONE aunt? The one that moved back in with your grandma after her divorce.)

My mom pays for an entire array of cable channels, but she really only uses four of them: Lifetime, Lifetime Movies, Lifetime Real Women and The Hallmark Channel. Around Christmas time (roughly August through February) she parks the TV squarely in the middle of this estrogen programming block and feasts on programming designed to both uplift the spirit and tug at the tear ducts of middle-aged lady types. Also, most of the movies are about your dead relatives returning for Christmas as angels. I saw one over at her place about a dead grandma that just shows up at her family’s house at Christmas, and instead of calling the boys in the grayish-brown suits with the nuclear backpacks they’re all just, “Grandma, it sure is great that Jesus let you come down here and bake cookies for us!” It was intensely creepy. Everything about it that made my mom go, “Awwww,” made me go, “AHAHGHGHGHGHG!!!!” Not 2 weeks later I was back over there and, I shit you not, there was an entirely different movie about a dead relative coming back as a Christmas angel. I expect there are hundreds of them. Like Pokemon.

CONFESSION TIME: I have seen one Lifetime movie that actually made me sad, nearly to the point of tears. I had just finished plowing through 2 or 3 seasons of Dead Like Me and, while flipping channels, saw the star of that show (Ellen Muth) on the screen. Turns out it was a Lifetime movie called The Truth About Jane about a girl (Muth) realizing she’s gay, and how her family treats her like a criminal because of it. They try to “deal with the problem” as if she had been caught with a gun and a bag of PCP. I knew what they were doing! Those bastards were showing me things that I already thought were sad and they were making them even sadder! SHE JUST WANTED TO DATE GIRLS AND BE LOVED! THAT’S ALL! SHE WAS A GOOD GIRL! YOU TREATED HER LIKE A MONSTER! YOU WERE THE MONSTER, MOM! YOU WERE… the… BLOOOO HOOO HOOO HOOOOO!!!!

I have received some very generous gifts from my Amazon Wishlist and from donators in the last couple of weeks. I want to make sure to give big giant holiday-style thanks to Fancy Bastards: Elliot Moss, Cole Parker, Anonymous Ghostbusters gifter, Alyssa Vaughan, Trevor Spratt and Dan & Toni Arthur. Being the father of a 4 year old, I am pretty much primarily on the “giving” side of Xmas, so your gifts were certainly appreciated and made my insides feel all squishy and gross.

COMMENTERS: Sappiest, cheesiest or most unbelievable TV Movie you’ve ever seen? Is there one that actually activated your human emotion chip?

UPDATE 12/28/11:

DAVID WILLIS KEEPS DRAWING ME IN HIS COMICS!!! PLEASE BUY HIS CRUISE FUNDRAISER PRINT (and also THIS ONE) SO HE WILL STOP AND WE CAN GO ON A CRUISE TOGETHER WHICH IS TOTALLY NOT GAY BECAUSE OUR WIVES WILL BE THERE OR MAYBE THEY WON’T I MEAN ACCIDENTS CAN HAPPEN AT SEA.

Also, I have resurrected my TUMBLR and started things off by posting my giant “How to save Terra Nova” rant (mentioned in this comic’s post) and a free mobile desktop wallpaper of “Dino Jesus.” I have plans for this TUMBLR in 2012 that involve changing some of the ways I offer content and who I offer it to. The basic strategy is more content to more people. I do not see this as being a negative.

¿Terra? No Va

Joel — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 16:29:02 +0000

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic]

“¿Terra? No Va” translates to “Terra? Doesn’t Go.” As in, “With such a great premise Terra Nova could go SO MANY AMAZING PLACES, but choses not to.”

I have written at least four pages of stream of consciousness, black and white notebooks from Se7en-style commentary on how I would fix Terra Nova. I am going to try to arrange it into a coherent, readable, non-manifesto format and post it here for your perusal. The bottom line is Terra Nova is a FANTASTIC concept with loads of potential that the writers and producers of the show seem hell bent on completely ignoring. I have several holiday-time, family-style obligations keeping me from organizing my mad ramblings now (plus I’ve been awake for 2ish days and the voices are starting to make some really good points), so check back over the weekend and hopefully I will have ~~completed my transformation into a great and terrible red dragon~~… posted my thoughts on how to fix Terra Nova.

UPDATE: I have resurrected my TUMBLR and posted my Terra Nova rant all in one fell swoop.

COMMENTERS: Who else could save Terra Nova and how would they do it? How would you save it (which specific issues would you address)? Do you think it doesn’t need saving? That is certainly an opinion one could have… IF THEY WERE A SIXER SPIE! Of course there is no actual punishment in Terra Nova for being a Sixer spie, so… carry on I guess.

[thanks to @doctoravenue, @robgonzo and @dotcomaphobe for the title to today’s comic]

It being holiday-type times and all, I thought I would mention that I have an Amazon wish list. It mostly consists of Blu-Rays right now, since I finally got a Blu-Ray player (mostly to more conveniently stream Netflix). So there’s that if you are interested. If you’d like to send a card or anything else for that matter, the mailing address is on the contact page.

How It’s Laid

Joel — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 09:19:26 +0000

OMG FOR THE LOVE OF KRAMPUS, CAN WE PLEASE MAKE #howitslaid A THING?! PLEASE?! It’s all I want for Christmas.

Earlier this week I was live tweeting an episode of How It’s Made where, from the sounds of it, they were either hand-crafting horse saddles or reanimating Frankenstein’d leather daddies:

“He inserts the bushing in the center hole.” #howitslaid
“The seat area gets one last leather buildup.” #howitslaid
“He glues leather around the base of the horn, an area called the swells.” #howitslaid
“This makes it smooth so it won’t chafe the horse or the rider.”#howitslaid

Man, my nipples are getting pierced just thinking about all of that. [Thanks to @d20monkey for coming up with the hashtag. Go read his comic.]

COMMENTERS: Let’s just go ahead and keep this about unintentional dick jokes, preferably from show like How It’s Made, since they are so often discussing things like shafts and flanges and obvious dong-analogies and what not. Those dirty birds. Any episodes that really stuck out as offenders? I should mention how much I really do LOVE that show. Dick jokes not withstanding (is THAT a dick joke?), what’s the most interesting thing you’ve learned from How It’s Made or shows like it? I thought it was crazy when I found out they froze soapy water inside trombones so they could bend the bend the tubing without kinking it… [snicker snicker].

Is Your Incorporeal Clock Ticking?

Joel — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 09:38:46 +0000

“George Hurt You” shirts are in the store!!!

Me, Randy Milholland, David Willis, Danielle Corsetto, Jeph Jaques, Rob Denbleyker and MORE will be at the Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage panel/signing event on December 10th and 11th. It is always a good time. Austin Fancy Bastards should NOT miss it.

More details HERE.

Of the recent slate of new shows, I’d have to say American Horror Story is probably my favorite. That title comes with an asterisk, however. The creators of the show, are also the creators of Nip/Tuck and Glee. Their pedigree screams, “GREAT CONCEPT! GREAT FIRST SEASON! THEN EVERYONE STARTS ACTING LIKE CARTOONS AND THE WHOLE THING TAKES THE SUCK TRAIN TO SHIT TOWN FOR 5 MORE SEASONS!!!” AHS has been showing some of the Nip/Tuck stink since day one (in that people, haunted or not, continually behave in ways that human beings would never behave, so much so that it begins to distract you from the story), but it has managed to balance that out by also keeping the plot moving and continually surprising the viewer.

It also suffers a bit from having no likable characters. Not one. Not one who is living, at least. Some of the ghosts are sympathetic, but they also suffer from being extremely one note as ghosts are wont to do. I get the idea that being stuck between realms with unfinished business might lead one to having a very singular focus, but eventually the ghosts constantly chanting their one desire over and over gets annoying. Add to that the fact and all of the living human characters are also dumb as tombstones and things get more annoying still. The ghosts are the only ones that seems to have understandable motivation. “I was murdered and I am pissed about that HAUNT HAUNT HAUNT” is more relatable than “If we move out of this crazy murder house where ghosts keep trying to murder us with ghost murder we would be upside down on the mortgage.” That said, these are flaws in what is still a VERY compelling show. Jessica Lange just steals the screen every time she’s on it. The whole thing is almost worth it just for her performance. I give it a strong recommendation, especially considering this week’s episode, which was a real game changer for the series. Just as it seemed like they had already run the entire course of the premise they have found a way to keep the family connected to the house for the foreseeable future, which is not contrived or lazy.

I do kind of want to see Quinto and the other ghost-gay get the babies. My Two Ghost Dads would be a fantastic phantasmic spin-off.

COMMENTERS: I was a little harsh on American Horror Story the first time around, but now I’ve warmed up to its cold, dead, etherial fingers. Have you given it a shot? What do you think? NO SPOILERS IN THE COMMENTS PLEASE, considering the severity of this week’s episode.

The Boy Who Waited

Joel — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 03:10:39 +0000

Nothing says, “I bought you some stuff from the Internet,” like buying people stuff from the Internet.

More details HERE.

In honor of The Doctor and my current allergy-related headsplosion, I am drinking a cocktail of Dayquil, Sudaphed, vodka and orange juice. I call it a Sonic Screwdriver*. I can’t say I’m happy that The Doctor is leaving for so long, but I would rather them make a great series than rush to meet some arbitrary deadline. Plus, The Doctor always comes back eventually.

My daughter is starting to figure out that Santa Claus isn’t real. [SPOILERS] Recently she’s said things like, “I bet scientists don’t think that Santa can really see everyone all the time,” and “I don’t think Santa’s reindeer can really fly. I bet they just walk everywhere.” I think I’m going to start telling her that Santa is and has always been a lie, because it’s The Doctor that brings her presents every year. Then we can leave fish fingers and custard on the fireplace for him on Christmas Eve.

COMMENTERS: Mofftatt said the incredibly long Doctor Who hiatus (Doctor Whiatus) is due to his feelings that new adventures in the blue box should start in fall. In this age of DVR’s, Netflix streaming, and all manner of time-shifted TV, does any of that really matter? Would we be better off if series were released all at once or in chunks, 6-10 episodes at a time?

Also, what are you doing to cope with the year long break from Doctor Who? Any shows taking its place? What about other activities? Do you go… outside? Do you know where outside is? Are their people out there? Please don’t tell them where I am.

*Seriously guys, do not try this.

Comfortably Numb

Joel — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 06:01:25 +0000

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic]

Saturday 8-11 pm
Sunday 12-5 pm

**Q&A panels by reservation only!**
Sat: 6-8 pm
Sun: 10-12 before signings
8-11 pm after signings

There is a whole class of “gift” one may receive around the holidays that says, “Hey. I don’t really know you that well, nor do I care to. Here’s some bullshit I paid money for.” The Snuggie (the blanket with arm holes) and the Forever Lazy (the blanket you wear like a shame-suit while you go tailgating or play Wii) have the distinction of falling not only into this category, but all into the “Thing that solves a problem that isn’t really a problem at all and actually makes trying to solve that fake problem more difficult that using the thing you already have or just ignoring it outright” category.

These types of items flood the stores around December as if to say, “SHOPPING IT TOO HARD! BUY LIKE 40 OF THESE AND YOU’LL BE DONE AND YOU CAN GO HOME AND HATE YOURSELF!” They also play into the worst part of Christmas and other gift-giving holidays: the idea that buying something, ANYTHING, for someone is a requirement. Nay, an obligation.

I have successfully managed to strategically distance myself from most of my family in such a way that I A) Do not receive any bullshit X-mas trinkets, and B) Do not have to purchase any such bullshit for others. I buy gifts for my wife, my mother, my in-laws and my daughter. I know those people and I have a pretty good idea of what they like. Often that thing does not cost very much, if any money. My in-laws certainly don’t need me to spend money on them. They have plenty. We give them gifts they wouldn’t think to give themselves or something you can’t buy in any store. With my mom, it’s more about giving time, memories, etc. For the kiddo it’s about treating her to a few special or larger items than she would normally get during the year while simultaneously instilling the value of giving to others in her. Every year she has to fill up a box (sometimes 2 or 3) with toys that she doesn’t play with any more to donate to needy kids. This year she is doing that and using her own money from chores to purchase a new toy from the store to donate.

I say all of that to say this: When you see a commercial that starts with “Doing [insert extremely easy, every day task] is hard! Don’t you wish there was a better way?” DO NOT BUY THAT THING! No one wants it. No one needs it. Stop buying stuff for people just because you think you have to. Make something. Frame a photo of the best day you ever had with that person. Take them on an adventure. Knit a freakin’ scarf. Give them something that doesn’t have a direct monetary value and isn’t available at Best Buy. Otherwise you might as well just write how much cash you were intending to spend on a piece of paper, give it to the other person, take their slip of paper and work out the change owed.

I should probably mention that NONE of the above logic applies if you are giving gifts from The HE STORE or Sharksplode. Seriously. Go buy that shit up.

COMMENTERS: Whats the worst “Here’s some bullshit” gift you have ever given or received? One time I got a set of pocket knives (a SET of pocket knives… like 6… as if you would ever need more than one) with the last 6 U.S. president’s faces on them. If that doesn’t say “I have no idea who you are. Here, take this,” I don’t know what does. ALTERNATELY: What’s your favorite “As Seen On TV” product to hate? Mine is the “Make a giant cupcake” pan whose commercial starts out with “Regular cake is boring…” NO IT IS NOT. FUCK YOU. CAKE IS AWESOME.

Not Cool Cool Cool Cool, NBC

Joel — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 11:29:53 +0000

Not cool cool cool cool at all.

TV actors live under the constant threat of their livelihoods being ripped away by some faceless executive. Which I suppose is better than having their faces ripped away by some lifeless executive. It has to be an unbelievable shock going from a professionally unemployed actor to making 10’s of thousands of dollars a week to wondering how you’re going to afford your pool boy’s Lexus payment when essentially not of the decisions that affect those major life changes are in your control. Hollywood is basically a glorified temp service broadcast to the world.

I’m a big Community fan, and it’s a shame to see NBC shelve their second best show (sorry Abed-heads, but 30 Rock is perfect) because not a wide enough swath of middle America can relate to its deep pop culture references, bizarre concept episodes and general geekiness. It’s one of the only shows actually pushing the boundries of what can be done with a comedy on network TV. I guess the problem is if you keep pushing boundaries, you eventually hit a wall. I hope the show rebounds and comes back stronger than ever, but it might just be too quirky, smart and genuinely funny to survive. At least we still have Whitney, right? What do you bring to your Whitney viewing parties? Chocolate? Red wine? A bullet?

COMMENTERS: Lament the seemingly inevitable demise of Community, or dare to proclaim why you won’t miss it once it’s gone (is it because you had your human heart replaced with a can of powdered turnips?). Feel free to post links to your Inspector Spacetime fanfic in the comments as well.

The Hip Hop And The White Funk

Joel — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 21:26:34 +0000

HijiNKS ENSUE Holiday Cards are back!

AWESOME NEWS! My Desertbus auction to appear in a HijiNKS ENSUE comic raised $410 for Child’s Play. Thanks to all who bid and especially to Fancy Bastard Luke T. who won!

FANCY BASTARD ASSEMBLE Limited print update: The prints are at my house and will start shipping this week. Thank you for your patience.

Josh may be a bit off base, but Jesus, are those shows really 20 years old? I guess I’ll just crawl in bed and wait for my organs to fail. I came up for the idea for this comic while watching YouTube videos of the 80’s cartoon Kidd Video. Each animated episode would feature a live action music video from the show’s real titular fake band. I couldn’t help but thinking things might not have gone well for the four ethnically diverse, hair teased teens miming those instruments. That’s when I remembered that Nickelodeon offspring channel TeenNick recently started airing many of the early 90’s shows I used to watch as a kid.

All That (the preteen’s answer to SNL and the pedophile’s answer to Kids In The Hall), Hey Dude (another Nick show about 16 year olds that NEVER EVER EVER leave their summer jobs) and Doug (which broke new ground in racial discourse by featuring the only white kid in an all colored neighborhood) are all part of the “90’s Are All That” block. This sent me down a man eatin’ jack rabbit hole of Youtube videos and wiki articles. I emerged on the other side, feeling so much older and hardly any wiser, yet grasping on to this fundamental truth: Out Of Control and Weinerville were actually things, and not just chickenpox induced fever dreams.

Like it or not, these shows (along with Clarissa Explains It All, Welcome Freshman, Double Dare, The Adventures Of Pete And Pete, Salute Your Shorts, etc) really informed my sense of humor and popular culture at an impressionable age. Back in the early 90’s Nick was a sort of content generating machine geared specifically to my age group. You also never needed to change the channel. I also wasn’t really allowed to. At the time, we had basic cable and I was allowed to watched the 3 major networks, Disney (11) and Nick (31). I was NOT allowed to surf through the channels in between. I had to dial those particular stations in directly, lest my young mind be inappropriately influenced by C-SPAN or worse yet QVC. This limited selection is actually the main reason I am so well versed in 50’s black and white TV. I pretty much dialed in channel 31 and left it there from afternoon cartoons to Nick at Nite. Well, except for when I was watching The Mickey Mouse Club. I was only human.

COMMENTERS: Any special affinity for 90’s Nick TV? Remember those weird british Sci-Fi shows they used to import? Alien tweens in search of their parents or some such. Also did you, like me, breathe a big sigh of relief when you finally realized a lot of Nick’s shows were filmed in Canada and that accounted for why they seemed ever so slightly off? No? Just me? I’m going back to the organ failure thing.

The State Of The Universe

Joel — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 08:13:00 +0000

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you! No, really. Specifically FOR YOU.

[Sorry, non-Doctor Who fans. This one doesn’t make any sense to you.]

The Whitehouse’s official stance on aliens, UFO’s and the like is that we haven’t yet made contact, and no information regarding extraterrestrials has been concealed by the government from the public. But, isn’t that EXACTLY what they would say if they WERE covering something up? And if The Silence are involved, do they even know they are covering it up? If Fox Moulder voted for Obama, would it be “Change I WANT TO BELIEVE in?” Further more, do astronauts have sex in space? How does that even work? So many mysteries.

When I was a kid, I was both facinated and terrified by the idea of aliens visiting Earth. The early 90’s saw a strange surge in alien related media. Perhaps The X-Files started it, or perhaps the interest in UFO’s paved the way for the show. Either way, there were TV specials, movies and books coming out left and right that all seemed to say the same thing: We are not alone, and the truth is being kept from us. I soaked up every bit of info I could (which was hard pre-Internet) and felt that I had an above average working knowledge of “the truth.” I knew all about the inconsistencies of the reports surrounding Roswell, the military personell that had come forward only to be discredited, the similarities in abduction stories and the “greys.” I just accepted that this was the secret truth and eventually it would all come out. I could understand, even at 11 years old, why the government would lie about these events, but I never even questioned the “abductees” themselves. Why would anyone lie about such a thing? I also wanted us to get as close to a Star Trek reality as possible in my lifetime, and aliens jump starting our technology and society seemed like a good way to get the ball rolling.

I realize now how I let my youthful naivety and enthusiasm for sci-fi get out of hand. I firmly believe there are other lifeforms in the universe, those we would recognize as life and those we would not, but I doubt they are monitoring us or conducting experiments on us. A life-sustaining world might be such a rarity in the universe, and the distances between them so great, that even given millions of intelligent species two of them would just never cross paths. Life may also be abundant in the universe, but just not all at the same time. Perhaps species are born and die in the relative blink of an eye and hardly ever coexist. I hope that’s not the case. How lonely if it is.

COMMENTERS: Were you, as I, fascinated by aliens as a kid? Are you now? Any defining moments that lead you to believe one way or another? One thing that sticks out for me was the TV movie version of “Communion.” There was a scene where a little boy runs to a lake, a woman chases him, then sees a spaceship floating over the lake and when the boy turns around he has the face of a grey. THAT. SHIT. SCARED. ME. TO. DEATH. The images was burned into my brain and haunted me for years. It was especially horrifying because I believed it was 100% true and was probably going to happen to me eventually. So far it hasn’t… or has it? [No, probably not.]

Wheaton Comic Dare: Sterling Cooper Maverick Goose

Joel — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 12:25:17 +0000

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you! No, really. Specifically FOR YOU.

Occasionally Wil Wheaton dares me to turn random tweets into comics. This burden, this curse is mine alone to carry. One day I will find a way to break the chains that bind me to the will of Wheaton, but until then you can benefit from my suffering. That is assuming you have any idea at all what is happening in the above comic. Do you? Can you explain it to me? I blacked out about halfway through drawing it and when I awoke the house was on fire. [He makes me doooo thiiinnnngs… baaaaad thiiiinnngs]

This particular Wheaton comic dare originated from a tweetversation between me and Fancy Bastard @pipsipirate regarding “Top Men” and their relationship to both Top Gun and Mad Men. Highway to the danger zone, indeed. Apparantly Wil Wheaton has my twitterphones tapped or else I retweeted the exchange, because mere moments after the initial transmission he threw down the gauntlet.

Having completed the challenge and being hardly any worse for the wear [some of my skin has started to grow back], I am now hoping someone far more talented than me will remake the entire Mad Men intro using elements of Top Gun. There’s already all of that falling. The work practically does itself.

AUSTING COMIC CON IS THIS WEEKEND!!! [MORE INFO]
November 11-13 at the Austin Convention Center! Look for me in the artist alley.

A Real Fixer-Upper

Joel — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 09:45:27 +0000

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic]

American Horror Story is only 5 episodes in and it’s already banana tits insane. Every single day 100 unspeakable horrors happen to the family in the murder house, any one of which would cause regular, sane people to curl up into the fetal position and scream until they were dead. It is impossible to watch this show without constantly wondering WHY ARE THEY STILL IN THE HOUSE!?!?!! At any given time there are at least 3 creepy murder neighbors (2 of which are probably ghosts) lurking uninvited in the house, 3 or 4 people are who supposed to be dead (and probably are) trying to break into the house and a host of demons, ghouls and haunting visions plaguing every waking moment of this family’s lives yet they never just GET THE FUCK OUT. Oh, the market is bad? You can’t sell the house without being upside down? FUCK IT! GET OUT! SAVE YOURSELVES! It’s super frustrating how unbelievable everyone’s actions and reactions are. It’s like asking us to believe a family gets a new dog and it turns out the dog farts bullets, so every single day someone is getting accidentally fart-shot and yet they NEVER get rid of the dog.

COMMENTERS: Are you watching American Horror Story? Post your thoughts, theories, etc. in the comments. I’m sure there will be some spoilers, so read at your own risk.

A Wrong Turn At Albuquerque

Joel — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 10:48:05 +0000

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic]

If regular episodes of Breaking Bad give me ulcers, the season finales typically cause my stomach to attempt to digest itself. I can’t really comment on this Sunday’s season finale since essentially everything I can say is a SPOILER. I will say this, however, “OMGWTFWALTERWHITEABQ!!!” Yeah, it was that type of situation.

COMMENTERS: The idea for this comic was born out of some fun I was having with the Fancy Bastards on Twitter this weekend coming up with alternative, alliterative shows that might star Bryan Cranston as Walter White. I started with Baking Bread, Braking Boards, Busking Broads and went full speed to stupid-town from there. I will post some of my favorite @responses from readers in the comments. Feel free to come up with your own. Please do not post any Breaking Bad spoilers in the comments.

GUEST WEEK AND NYCC!!!
I am going to be at New York Comic-Con with Blind Ferret at Booth #1821 this weekend (10-13 to 10-16).

I will have books 1 and 2, T-Shirts (including the new “Winter Is Coming” shirt and maybe a debut of another new shirt), stickers, sketches and prints. I am going to be staying in Brooklyn so I hope to hit up the Doctor Who themed bar, The Way Station. Maybe we can do a bit of an informal Fancy Bastard Meetup there.

Starting tomorrow (Wednesday), I will be running a few guest comics created just for you by several of my webcomicing cohorts (Paul Southworth, Sam Logan, Randy Milholland and Alina Pete). Based on what I’ve seen so far, this will be the most epic HE guest week ever.

Warp Factor 1080p. Engage.

Joel — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 22:29:48 +0000

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this Three Wheaton Moon shirt. You can buy it! Then you can wear it! Only two steps to total geeky happiness? Sign me up!

I was super excited to hear that Star Trek: TNG was finally coming to Blu-Ray in HD. They are going back and scanning the original film stock and re-editing each episode to match the original. The thing I am having trouble with is that they are supposedly replacing all of the special effects with CG. Does that mean they are going to trash the beautiful starship models in favor of a CG Enterprise? I know they did that with TOS a few years back, but that wasn’t MY Star Trek, so I didn’t really care. Now I’m wondering of replacing the amazing model work in TNG is a distrespectful Lucas-izing of the series. I know the HD scenes mixed with blurry model shots, poorly blue screened onto backgrounds wouldn’t make for a cohesive viewing experience, but it still seems a bit wrong to me. Oh, hey! That was me turning old. I am old now. Where are my turnips?

Video: ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’ is Coming to Blu–ray in 2012

UPDATE: It looks like they are going back to the original model shots and recompositing them. So no CG Enterprise as far as I can tell. It actually looks pretty fantastic.

A THING: After a power surge last week, my file server (the one that holds all of my HE-related files) died (despite being plugged into a heavy duty surge supressor). The drives were OK but I have to buy a new enclosure ($150) to access them over my network. The same day I found out a miscalibration of our sprinkler system made our water bill for this month $200 more than we were expecting. So $350 I don’t really have just flew out the window. If you were considering donating to support HijiNKS ENSUE, doing so now would be SUPER APPRECIATED. Donors get access to all of the desktops, audio and other goodies in The Vault. Just make a donation of any amount, or sign up for a recurring donation subscription and you’ll get access.

Thanks!
~Joel

Causality And FX

Joel — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 04:06:37 +0000

Alternate Title: Tera Novella

Before you jump up my ass, YES I know they wrote off the possibility of a paradox in the pilot of Terra Nova by saying the past they travel to is in an “alternate time stream.” More on why I think that’s bullshit later.

Ok, so I gave the Terra Nova pilot a shot. The short version is that it’s Jurassic Park meets Avatar with a little bit of Lost thrown in for good measure. There’s dinosaurs and humans juxtaposed, there’s escaping a dystopian Earth in favor of a hostile but majestic jungle environment and there’s “no matter what you were, you get a second chance ~~on the island~~ in the past” to round out the premise. There are even a group of “others” to add a little mayhem and mystery.

Let’s start with the shitty future humanity traps itself in. Fans of sci-fi will find nothing new about the present day future of Terra Nova. It’s all well trodden ground. Humanity destroys itself with greed, overpopulation and environmental devastation. The air sucks, the living quarters are tiny and only the most wealthy and connected don’t live on the brink of extinction. Through a coincidence, seemingly caused by parking two supercolliders next to each other, scientists discover a “fracture” to 85 million years in the past. A probe is sent through, assuming it will automatically show up somewhere in the present. When it doesn’t they determine this past is in a different time line, so it’s ripe for exploring, and settling and butterfly stepping on without fear of paradox… IN OUR UNIVERSE. What about the present of the parallel Earth whose past they are invading? Maybe they didn’t fuck up their planet. Maybe the first person who goes through that portal commits planetary genocide. Why is that not a concern?

Anyway, they decide the only future for humanity lies 85 million years in the past so they start sending settlers through the portal to establish a new colony. It isn’t explicitly stated, but I assume the idea is “Our Earth is fucked. Everyone on it is going to die. Screw those guys. The people in the past and their descendants are going to be the only humans to survive long term.” Seems a bit short-sighted. Why didn’t they just invest all that future know-how into a more advanced space program and work on terraforming and colonizing Mars? Oh… right. Because then they wouldn’t have a show where people get chased by dinosaurs.

The dinosaur effects are passable, but shockingly NOT up to snuff with the original Jurassic Park. How does that film keep aging so well? All in all, the 2 part pilot was rather enjoyable but rife with confusing, nit-picky plot holes and story difficulties that could prove too big to overcome without alienating the hardcore sci-fi fan (again, the “alternate time stream = go nuts, do whatever we want” thing will never stop bothering me). I will say the characters and the pacing are a DRASTIC improvement over Spielberg’s last genre TV outing Falling Skies. There was a decent dose of family drama, but it didn’t weigh the whole show down like it did on Falli… 7th Heaven + Aliens.

I will probably give Terra Nova at least a good 4-5 eps to show me what it’s got, though I find it nearly impossible to concentrate on the plot with all the Jurassic Park jokes I keep making while watching it. Every time General Avatar showed Main Character Cop/Dad a new area of the compound (especially his living quarters which looked suspiciously like a page out of the IKEA catalog), I couldn’t stop myself from blurting out “Spared no expense!”

COMMENTERS: Did you see Terra Nova? Any thoughts? [posting mine in a few minutes, check back and refresh]

Accepting WHO I Am

Joel — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 19:43:08 +0000

I’ve felt this change coming for a long time and “Let’s Kill Hitler” finally pushed me over the edge. Matt Smith is my favorite Doctor. It’s not JUST him, it’s the whole show really. I guess I should rephrase and say “Matt Smith’s episodes are my favorite Doctor Who episodes.” It’s the writing, the look of the show (it some how seems more expensive… better lighting? Better cameras?), the companions (Rory and Amy are amazing but RIVER… dear god, River. What a fascinating character arc.), the chances they are taking with the story, the stakes they just keep raising, the departure from the typical “A) Go to a planet B) Fix a problem” formula… the whole show is just orders of magnitude more captivating that it’s ever been. That’s a considerable achievement when you take into account how much I enjoyed Tennant’s run.

I feel like the last two seasons of Doctor Who are proof that you can make satisfying, complicated genre fiction on TV IF YOU HAVE A PLAN. And if Steven Moffat DOESN’T have a plan, then he’s the best bullshitter on the planet. All of the little loose threads just keep weaving themselves back into the main story. It’s never boring, it’s never hack. It’s just purely entertaining, cohesive and rewarding story telling.

COMMENTERS: Come on! Who’s with me on this? Matt’s the best, right? Ok, so who‘s YOUR favorite doctor?

WARNING!!! THERE ARE SPOILERS FOR “Let’s Kill Hitler” IN THE COMMENTS.

Bonus Comic For Fans Of The @Nerdist Podcast

Joel — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 17:48:27 +0000

I enjoy me some Nerdist Podcast, so while listening to Chris Hardwick lament about a topsy turvy world where no one but himself knew what cottage cheese was, I was inspired to make this comic. WARNING: This comic makes MUCH more sense if you have listened to Nerdist Podcast Episode #114, which is why it’s posted down here and not up in the main comic area.

If you are new to the site and you dig this comic, you might like some more comics about Doctor Who, Apple, Tech, Sci-Fi, featuring Chris Hardwick or our mutual friend Wil Wheaton. Also, the HIJINKS ENSUE STORE is a place where you can buy nerdy T-shirts and stuff.

Winter Is Coming

Joel — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 08:49:17 +0000

UPDATE: “Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!!

I’ve been tossing this Calvin and Hobbes meets Game of Thrones idea around for a while. Originally it was going to be Calvin/Jon Snow and Hobbes/Sam standing atop the wall mirroring the dialog from the final Calvin And Hobbes strip, ending with “Let’s Go Exploring.” As I was doing research for reference images I came across the cover to the Attack… collection and realized it was basically already a scene out of GoT, complete with a White Walker and everything. So there you go. I hope you enjoy it.

Baltimore Comic-Con is this weekend! I will be in the Artist Alley right next to Dannielle Corsetto at Table #A187 or so. I will have books 1 and 2, “The Doctor Is In” shirts, “Team Edward [James Olmos]” shirts and “Ewok Stare” shirts, plus prints, stickers and Fancy Sketches.

We have had a really fantastic Fancy Bastard meetup each year. Details HERE on G+ or talk to FB Adam (who is organizing it) directly on G+ or Twitter. Hope to see you at the show and the meetup!

Commenters: Please come up with your own Game Of Thrones/ Sunday Comics crossover and let us know how it plays out. I’ll get you started: The Family Circus as the Lannisters. Jeffy = Joffrey? Right? Amirite?

UPDATE: You asked for it, so I added a “Winter Is Coming” desktop to The Vault. I’ve also added “Chibi Wolverine” and “Three Wheaton Moon” desktops as well. Just make a donation of any amount, or sign up for a recurring donation subscriptionand you’ll get access. I’ve also added mobile versions of these desktops HERE.

Hello, Harkness, My Old Friend

Joel — Sun, 14 Aug 2011 23:20:12 +0000

Big thanks to Mike Phirman for letting me use his Tweet as the title to this comic. You MUST check out his new album! He was one of the big standout performances at this year’s w00tstock (a show about which he just released a very funny new song).

Alternate Title: The Dart Of Harkness

Hollywood certainly seems to like its “gay” easily identifiable. It’s the clandestine gays they don’t seem to fond of. Every once in a while a show or movie gets it right and actually portrays a homosexual as a regular person as opposed to a frolicking, mincing, bedazzled stereotype. That’s one of the things I like so much about Captain Jack Harkness. He’s a hero first, an adventurer second, a time traveler third, a bit of a slut fourth and an omni-sexual man somewhere towards the end. That’s how you build a character that actually promotes a positive image of homosexuals. You show them as a human, flaws and all, then (when the story dictates) you address their sexuality.

Torchwood: Miracle Day is built around a fascinating concept. What if one day everyone stopped dying? The execution is… compelling if not a little uneven. Last week’s episode was about 14 minutes of story poured into a 50 minute bucket. I still enjoyed it quite a bit, but the pacing (considering it was the series’ halfway point) seemed sluggish. I will certainly be sticking around until the end if only to see who’s behind the “Miracle.” It’s a good mystery with a decent balance between questions and payoff. Still, it leaves me wondering: Where is The Doctor while all of this is going on? Seems like the kind of thing that would have cried out to him across the universe and… oh… right… if he showed up, they wouldn’t have a show. Carry on then.

COMMENTERS: Are you watching Torchwood: Miracle Day? Do you like it more or less than previous seasons? The premise has really been causing me to come up with a lot of post-Miracle Day “what if?” scenerios. I like it when a show makes me ponder its universe. What about Captain Jack’s eyes? Are they TOO dreamy or just perfectly dreamy enough?

The Tell-Tale Brains

Joel — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 01:32:19 +0000

THE HIJINKS ENSUE STORE IS BACK!!!

The newly relaunched HE Store is up and running over at Blind Ferret. Please go check it out and maybe buy a book or a shirt or something. Shirts will begin shipping soon, now that we are all back from Comic-Con.

What’s that in the distance? Why, it’s the faint siren song of the undead. Hearing them is SO much scarier than seeing them. I can only image their desiccated corpses, somehow animated by a perversion of biology, their skin sloughed off to reveal muscle and bone, their entrails spilling out of their gaping abdominal cavities, their… oh, you get the picture. No need to see any of that. Let’s go inside for a long time and talk about how there are probably zombies all over the place.

All of the news about what AMC is doing to The Walking Dead (firing Frank Darabont, requiring 13 episodes for less money than they had to make 6 last season, threatening the cast and crew to keep quiet) sounds BAD. Like REALLY really bad. Why can’y hollywood just pet the pretty rabbit? Why do they have to crush its tiny rabbit skull every time?

COMMENTERS: How else are AMC going to ~~ruin~~ cut costs on The Walking Dead?

Ghost Protocol

Joel — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 09:50:32 +0000

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

The newly relaunched HE Store is up and running over at Blind Ferret. Please go check it out and maybe buy a book or a shirt or something. Shirts will begin shipping soon.

After getting rave reviews for season 4.5, shooting all of season 5 (to air next year) and getting picked up for at least a 6 episode 6th season, Eureka got up-picked up and cancelled. Normally I would nerd-rage against SyFy or its parent company NBC/Universal or their new parent company Kabletown… err, Comcast for being short sighted or too focused on profits at the expense of quality, but this time it’s a little different. This is the first prematurely cancelled show I’ve enjoyed where I’ve had multiple friends working on said show. Amy Berg, pictured in the panels above, is the co-executive producer and a writer on Eureka, and Wil (as most of you know) plays Dr. Issaac Parrish on the show. So instead of spitting indignant geek venom all over the internet, I’ve decided instead to focus on my friends, the great show they’ve created and what they’ve (we’ve) lost.

At San Diego Comic-Con this year I went to the Eureka screening with Amy and our friend Dammit Liz. As we watched the never-before-seen episode I found myself getting nervous. What if the crowd didn’t respond well? What if I didn’t laugh enough? The lady right next to me made this show! Luckily the crowd loved it, and lack of laughter was not an issue. It was a great episode and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Still it made me realize that geek TV was starting to fall off of the unattainable pedestal I had always kept it on. Sitting next to a television writer as she laughs at her own show then criticizes the use of high heels in an action scene where high heels would have actually caused the character to die was sobering and served to humanize the whole experience.

The show was larger than life (especially since it was being projected on a 50ft wide screen), but at the same time it was very small and personal. I was surrounded by the crew that worked on the episode and I realized I had never before seen a TV show reflected on the faces of the very group of people that made it. Immediately afterward I turned to the writer, Ed Fowler, and congratulated him on a job well done. TV had never really been this accessible to me. After the screening the writers and crew gathered outside the hall for a congratulatory huddle and group hug. They were proud of their work and proud of each other. That experience is why I’m viewing the cancellation of Eureka differently than say, SG:U or Terminator: TSCC. I loved those shows, but all I knew of them was the finished product. The gloss and polish. Thanks to Amy, Wil, Ed and the other Eureka crew members I met, I see this show in a different light. I feel like instead of a show being cancelled, a family is being broken up. I realize that is not a unique occurrence within the Hollywood machine, but it was the first one I was even tangentially close to and it saddens me.

Still, fans of Eureka do have some 19 or so episodes to look forward to. That is probably the longest run for an already cancelled show that you have ever gotten or ever will get. At least it gives us time to get used to the idea. And at least Syfy IS giving them one extra episode to wrap things up. My guess? Eureka is purgatory and they’ve all been dead the entire time.

Wil posted his thought about getting to work on Eureka and its cancellation HERE.
Wil also reposted Amy’s tweets on the subject on Google+.
Syfy decides not to order a 6th season of Eureka

COMMENTERS: DO NOT SEND ANYONE FROM EUREKA YOUR IDEAS/GUESSES FOR THE FINALE!!! THEY REALLY DO HAVE TO BLOCK YOU IF YOU DO! NO JOKE. Still, I bet you could post your ideas here, on my site and nobody would get in trouble. Probably.

La Semana De Los Tiburones

Joel — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 03:19:18 +0000

THE HIJINKS ENSUE STORE IS BACK!!!

Alternate Title: Shark Weakness
He’s also been watching a lot of Shark Macgyver, Shark Wheel of Fortune and Shark Friends, the show about 6 friends who live above a coffee shop in New York and also they are sharks.

COMMENTERS: Gimme more Shark shows!

Emergency Contact

Joel — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 01:54:18 +0000

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

CONVENTION NEWS: Connecticon is right now!!!. Come see me and David and Ryan and Lar and the Explosm quadruplets and much many mores!

NAME PUNS MR. FRODO!!!

I made this entire comic at 30,000 feet using an iPad, a Pengo stylus and an App called Artstudio. Pretty neat.

STORE NEWS: The HijiNKS ENSUE Store is closed for a few weeks so I can make some big, exciting changes. [READ MORE HERE] In the meantime you can still get shirts from Sharksplode and HE Book 2 from this very site.

COMMENTERS: Do you watched Justified? Is it great? People keep telling me it’s great. What about Timothy Olyphant’s smile? Couldn’t you just fall asleep starring at its warm glow?

Got GoT?

Joel — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 06:42:14 +0000

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our Wesley’s Big Adventure Shirt over at Sharksplode.

My Friend Lar saw this shirt and drew THIS. It’s amazingly wonderful.

Anybody hear about this Game Of Thrones show? No? I guess it sort of flew under the radar, because people haven’t been talking about it on the Internet non-stop for months and months or anything.

I had been purposefully ignoring the glowing reviews of Game Of Thrones because I didn’t have HBO and I didn’t want to bother trying to acquire the show through other means. As I get older I look at every Torrent and ask myself, “Is this hour of entertainment going to be the one that costs me a $35,000 settlement?” I am old.

When I noticed an HBO free preview weekend on my HD Fiber TVmawhosits I hoped I might luck into a GoT marathon that I could record for later viewing at my leisure. Alas, there was no such marathon, but the entire series was available via On Demand. I had a very important decision to make. The free preview only lasted another 26 hours, and there were 10 one hour episodes to devour. In order to consume a media-meal this large I would have to forsake all other responsibilities. Sleep, work, my family, all liabilities that were keeping me from being caught up on the new thing all the Internet kids are Internetting about. “Eff it! I’m going for it!” And for it go I did… go.

I was surprised how little the show resembled Lord Of the Rings in tone. LoTR is very grand. The scope of the story, the settings and the characters are equally vast. GoT is almost the opposite. Instead of an epic struggle against ultimate evil for the fate of the world, GoT focusses on about 40 characters internal struggle to “get theirs.” The story masquerades as grand because there are kings and castles and knights and wars and talk of dragons, but it is actually very small and very human. It’s a tale of selfishness and petty jealously. The only great evil resides in the schemes and machinations of nearly every characters in the show. They’re all just terrible people (except for most of the Starks).

One thing I find confusing about the series (and the books too, I suppose) is the fact that [SPOILERS] nearly everyone dies. Like everyone. Just as you are saying to yourself, ” Oh man, if that guy gets to do the thing he wants to do, it’s totally going to fuck up the things those other guys want to do,” he dies. Then the other guys die. Major plot threads just build and fizzle due to character death. I understand this is Martin’s thing and all, but it’s… jarring? [/SPOILERS] Regardless I really enjoyed the series and look forward to season two. I might even sign up for HBO for a few months just to watch it in real time. Though I admit, seeing 5 eps back to back was SO much more satisfying than waiting week to week. Also, Peter Dinklage fucking rules.

Anyway, here are some GoT greeting cards slogans I made up on Twitter:

“You put the IMP in PIMP.”

“Congrats Graduate! Once you take The Black, you never go back… to having sex.”

“Happy Fathuncle’s Day!”

“You’re Hodorable!”

MUSIC!: My friend Tom Brislin has started a Kickstarter to raise money to record his first solo album. Fans of the HE Podcast will know his music from… the HE Podcast. Tom is a fantastic song writer, a virtuoso piano player and one of my favorite creative people on the planet. Please back his project so that I may hear the wonderful musics that are currently stuck in his brain.

COMMENTERS: Feel free to post your SPOILER FREE thoughts on Game Of Thrones or make up your own G0T greeting card slogans.

There’s No Basement On The Enterprise

Joel — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 12:45:47 +0000

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our Wesley’s Big Adventure Shirt over at Sharksplode.

There also aren’t any bathrooms.

Last night Wil tweeted a bit about watching Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. It reminded me a line in his book, Memories of The Future, where he compared a particularly indignant and slightly snotty Wesley line read to the way Pee Wee informed Dottie that they would NOT, in fact, be knocking platform bar-dancing boots in the back of the bike shop. I found myself sitting at my desk, trying to convince myself to draw a comic about shotgunning the whole first season of Game of Thrones in less than 36 hours (a thing which I really did), INSTEAD of drawing the weird thing you see above. It seems that I lost my internal battle of wills, logic was thrown to the wind and common sense did not prevail.

If you are now or were ever a fan of Star Trek: TNG, I can’t recommend Memories of The Future more highly. I have enjoyed reliving the first half of the first season of TNG through Wil’s eyes (both the ones he had as a naive child in an adult’s world, and those he has now, which look back at the series with fond reflection, a little regret, and a ton of snark) more than I would have thought possible.

HEY A THING!: Someone familiar pops up in this Weregeek comic.

ANOTHER THING!: My friend Tom Brislin has started a Kickstarter to raise money to record his first solo album. Fans of the HE Podcast will know his music from… the HE Podcast. Tom is a fantastic song writer, a virtuoso piano player and one of my favorite creative people on the planet. Please back his project so that I may hear the wonderful musics that are currently stuck in his brain.

Jesse Katsopolis And The Spiders From Mars

Joel — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 19:43:23 +0000

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

INTERVIEWS: I did a really fun interview with Lauren Davis for Gamma Squad, and the full audio of my interview with ABC Australia’s Nerdzilla Podcast is HERE.

[Posted 6/23/11 ] I’m still a few comics behind. Thanks for your patience.

Alternate Title: HAVE MERCY! [on the human race]
So just to be clear, Josh is going to giving TNT’s new alien invasion aftermath sci-fi series Falling Skies a shot when it features a crossover with popular Lady Cop Black Mamabazo drama Rizzoli and Isles [also my favorite dish at The Olive Garden besides those fettuccine steak medallions], but only if it stars greek Gleek god John Stamos? Maybe if it gets a season two.

I watched the first two hours of Falling Skies last week. Most of the ground they covered in the pilot is well trodden. Aliens invade, presumably for Earth’s resources, wipe out 90% of the population and, much like the last 10 pounds of a diet, can’t seem to shake that last 10% of humanity from their new pre-owned planet. A resistance is formed and tries to strike some kind of balance between “run and hide” and “fight back a little.” I can tell this series is going to be a slow burn, so I am going to reserve judgement for at least a few more weeks.

Two things about the show that I didn’t really care for are 1) Noah Wyle, who never seems to show any emotion or charisma at any point during the pilot, and 2) The fact that the invasion which killed nearly everyone happened just 6 or 7 months ago and the remaining humans seem pretty well adjusted. I would expect there to just be clumps of people sobbing until they die of a lethal combination of dehydration and sadness. A couple of things that stuck out as neat are the idea that the aliens sent a massive EMP upon arrival so the survivors have no access to grid electricity, computers, radios, electronics of any kind or cars made after 1987. I like this plot device because it creates a need for ingenuity but I feel like it could become a burden on the show’s writers. [SEMI SPOILERY COMMENT IN THE NEXT SENTENCE] The pilot also alludes at least 3 times to the fact that the aliens may not be aliens at all, but some kind of precursor or descendent of humanity. I won’t be surprised if the big mystery is that the “aliens” are just returning home to see how their ant farm is doing. [END SPOILERS]

Over all I give it a B+ and sugest the sci-fi fans among you give it a chance.

Side note: When Internet was still young, and all this you see before you was just corn fields, I had a brief email exchange with Dave Coulier. He was gracious and kind and it was the first time in my life (that I can remember) when the Internet allowed me to have a one on one communication with a person I had idolized as a child who would have been otherwise completely inaccessible. For those interested, he used to run a “Caption This” photo contest on his website, and one week my submission was the winner. He emailed to let me know he enjoyed the caption and I emailed back thanking him for all he’d done to expose people like to to the world of stand up comedy.

COMMENTERS: Did you see Falling Skies? What did you think?

The Mystery Box

Joel — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 04:23:06 +0000

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

BIG NEWS! The HijiNKS ENSUE Store will be shutting down for a few weeks so I can make some big, exciting changes. [READ MORE HERE] If there is a shirt you want, and you DON’T WANT to wait until sometime after San Diego Comicon, you should probably buy it now. This week will be your last chance for a at least a few weeks. Please check out this blog post to see which designs won’t be coming back, in case you want one of those.

NEWS 2: I will be at San Diego Comicon at the Blind Ferret Booth with Least I Could Do, Looking For Group, Gutters, Girls With Slingshots and possibly more. It’s going to be a blast and a frakking half.

Make sure you check out my guest comic over at Sam & Fuzzy! It is one of my favorite things that I have ever made (for serious). It stars Sam, Jeph and me and finally brings to life my favorite of Sam’s intentionally terrible shirt ideas all the way back from SDCC 2010.

To Josh, vaginas might as well be the Higgs boson particle. He can see evidence of their existence and their perceived effect on objects around them, but he can’t directly view them or fully understand their purpose.

I still haven’t seen a single episode of Game Of Thrones, but from what I understand the season is nearly over so I should be able to acquire it and binge the whole thing over a weekend pretty soon. The typical post show review I see on the Twitters goes something like: “OMG GAMEOFTHRONES WTFBALLS?!?!?!! WHY IS THIS SHOW SO RAPEY?! ALSO WHY IS IT SO GOOOOOOOD?!?!?!? #aGameOfRape #aRapeOfThrones #twincest #soooorapey #sexslaves #bestshow” Being the world’s foremost Internet cryptographer, I am able to feed those mad ramblings into my Code-puter, cross reference them with The Talmud and decipher what is essentially a positive review. Good enough for me.

COMMENTERS: I Feel free to post your spoiler free thoughts on the Game Of Thrones television program or other stuff. You know. Whatever.

The Ivy-Wivey League

Joel — Mon, 23 May 2011 06:57:56 +0000

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! This comic is inspired by our Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt which you can purchase now over at Sharksplode. You can read more about it on Wheaton’s Tumblr and the Sharksplode Blogsplode. Splode.

PHOENIX COMICON IS THIS WEEKEND!!! I will be there with Kel McDonald at table 241. WHEATON and I may actually have one or two of our Gallifrey University shirts to show you.

I am closing out some current t-shirt and print designs. Please check out this blog post since the stuff on closeout probably won’t be available again any time soon.

COMMENTERS: What else goes on at Gallifrey U? What courses do they take? What sports do they letter in? Who are their rival schools? What other sort of pranks might Time Lord House pull on the Dean? Personally I assumed they didn’t have proper schooling on Gallifrey at all. I thought they just took a young Time Lord, maybe 8 or 9 years old, shoved his face in the Untempered Schism and let him gaze at the Time Vortex for a bit. If he wasn’t completely dingo-tits insane afterwards, he graduated with honors.

Conspiracy

Joel — Tue, 17 May 2011 03:20:24 +0000

Ovipositor Shirts ONLY $11!!! Last Chance Probably Forever!!!

“The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here!

Alternate Title: Look, Up In The Sky. It’s A Flightless, Tightless Bird!
Alternate Mad Magazine Title: The Red-Blue BLECH!

Ten years later and all I have to say is, “Fuck you Smallville. Fuck you right in the eye.” I posted something on Twitter about how watching the series finale of Smallville was like taking your last, tar-filled drag on the day they stopped making cigarettes. I think that about sums it up. I’ve always know it was bad for me, and no good could come from it. I knew that I was hurting myself and, more importantly, the ones I loved by indulging in such a self-destructive habit week after week. The only way I was able to break free of its toxic hold on my life was to surrender the choice to a higher power. Namely the CW executives that cancelled the show. They have cut off the supply chain for this particular brand of poison and relieved me of the need for personal courage or strength. I am still a broken shell of a man, but at least I can’t continue to feed the monkey on my back. His banana boat has sailed… Ok, that metaphor was pretty weak, but you get the point.

I was going to write something about how you shouldn’t mourn Smallville (even for the guilty pleasure) in the same way you don’t mourn the passing of someone who’s been ravaged by cancer for a decade. When the end comes you are just happy they aren’t suffering any more. Then I realized Smallville wasn’t the patient… I was. Smallville was the disease. Then I got sad. Then I ate some cookies. There was a whole shame-spiral thing.

Regarding the above comic: The timeline is pretty weird right? I mean I know it’s a total coincidence, by damn. Two great evils, two pock marks on our nation, filling our hearts and minds with fear, existing side by side for almost exactly the same ten year span. That shit is bizarre.

Another thing: My friend Sam revealed his next, groundbreaking project in this blog post, which I had a small part in creating at TCAF. It is both terrifying and your new favorite internet thing.

COMMENTERS: We are talking about doing an All-Smallville podcast this week. Sort of a soul-colonic to rid our bodies of the toxins left by a decade of exposure to radioactive sadness. If you have topics or questions you would like addressed in the comments, feel free to post them there. Otherwise, feel free to post anything you like about Smallville in general or the finale. Finale spoilers are fine. This is a safe place.

!!!COMMENTS MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR THE SMALLVILLE SERIES FINALE!!!

The Second Time Around

Joel — Tue, 03 May 2011 21:24:07 +0000

TORONTO: I AM COMING FOR YOU! TCAF is this weekend!
I will be at table 222 (with Topatoco) on the 2nd floor Saturday 5/7 and Sunday 5/8. I will have books 1 and 2 (and I will draw dumb things in them for you), stickers, buttons, prints (probably a “The Doctor Is In” print), and maybe a couple of shirts.

“The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here!

I hope you enjoy this very unusual thing my brain (and subsequently my body) did in the wee hours of the night. I started trying to write a comic about how Megan Fox was ejected from Transformers 3: The Wall (presumably for NOT buffing Michael Bay’s Ferrari with her own buttocks slathered in Professor Explosionheimer’s Patented Gluteus Auto-Balm), but I couldn’t see to… care? Yeah, that’s the thing I wan’t able to do.

As it turned out I cared a lot more about 90’s family sitcom character-inconsistencies than the fate of Ms. Fox. I guess I’m really growing up. Speaking of, why did Uncle Jessie change his last name from Cochran to Katsopolis. If he was dodging the INS, that seems like the opposite way to go.

COMMENTERS: If you saw the trailer for Transformers: Tales From The Darkside, feel free to comment on it or offer an alternate subtitle for it, as we once did with the Spider-Man musical. After seeing last week’s Doctor Who, I have a feeling The Doctor had something to do with that spaceship crashing on the moon. You can also remind us of your most nagging sitcom weirdnesses if you like.

Blasphormers

Joel — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 11:57:30 +0000

My Heart Is A Hate-filled Pineapple T-Shirts are Alive and Pulsating @ Sharksplode!!!

NEW HE PODCAST – Episode 83 “Ass Merkins”

The soaps were scented in various Autobot flavors. Diesel for Optimus Prime, New Van Smell for Ironhide, Lilac for Bumblebee, and High Karate for Jazz.

The events in this comic are 100% true in that they are two half truths combined into one super-truth. The first half come courtesy of the fact that I did find a Transformers themed door hanger from a local church on my front door this week. Pretty sneaky, Jesus.

And the rest of the truth concerns that fact that, while he was not present at the time of the door hanger discovery, this is EXACTLY WHAT IT IS LIKE TO TALK TO DAVID WILLIS ABOUT TRANSFORMERS. Let me be clear: I am not disparaging Willis’s mighty knowledge of all things Cybertron. I marvel at it in fact. I ask him leading questions just to hear him weave his gentle word-music about what Dinobot prefers for breakfast in the US comics vs. the Japanese comics [SPOILERS: It’s Energon in both]. At least a dozen times he has answered questions about the franchise that have plagued me since elementary school. Those of you not privy to his physical being can partake of his robo-knowings at the TF-Wiki, of which he is a major contributor. David has appeared in HE a few other times. Go Read BOTH of HIS COMICS. Love him as he loves fictional robots with silly names.

COMMENTERS: What other 1980’s cartoons or Michael Bay-type movies would make good religious advertisements? Please try to keep it light-hearted and respectful, since I’m sure I’ve already offended plenty for all of us. I think I saw a Thundercats TV spot about not huffing glue one time.

The Ballerina And The Marmoset

Joel — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 02:09:10 +0000

“The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here!

NEW HE PODCAST – Episode 83 “Ass Merkins”

I will save commenting on the Doctor Who season premiere, “The Impossible Astronaut,” until after I see part two. I will say that I really enjoyed what I saw and I think it sets up a great arch for the rest of the season, but I really feel like it cut off right in the middle of the episode, so what I have seen is incomplete.

I have about 40 episodes of Tennant-era Who on my DVR right now, as my wife and I are working our way through the complete re-tooled series (while watching 11 concurrently). Panel 1 above represents my honest reaction to reading the list of recorded eps last night. They really do have FANTASTIC titles. You get the impression Davies and Moffat originally wanted careers naming bands and somehow stumbled into television.

“Voyage Of The Damed” sounds like a Mastodon B-Sides album. “Utopia” is all vast, etherial keyboards and vaguely Celtic moaning. “The Lazarus Experiment” is a stoner granola-fusion trio featuring Les Claypool and Trey Anastasio. They only have one song and it has no beginning or end. “Family Of Blood” is a 90’s clown make up, horror show 9-piece alterna-rap outfit from Norman, Oklahoma. They are obscenely terrible, yet still better than Korn.

COMMENTERS: I will give you two options. Either take a Doctor Who episode title and tell me what the band with the same name is all about, or give me a band name that sounds like a Doctor Who ep. For bonus points, generate a new Doctor Who episode title that could also pass for a band name (ie the name of this particular comic). Oh, and feel free to talk about the premiere. No spoilers, please.

HEY! Check out this interview I did for Hollywood Jane.

ALSO HEY! Check out this interview my friend Tom Brislin did for The Functional Nerds Podcast. He does all the music for the HE Podcast and he’s one of my favorite people.

A Conundrum Of Fancy Chairs

Joel — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 02:57:26 +0000

What I know about Game Of Thrones: It’s an HBO mini-series based off a very popular book series by George R. R. Martin (I assume that’s a Tolkien reference) and all geeks seem to love it.

What I do not know about Game Of Thrones: Anything else.

I can tell this is going to be my new Harry Potter or Doctor Who, where it’s the geek franchise that everyone can rally behind with near universal geek adulation, but I end up 5 years late to the party.

I don’t even have HBO… though excuses such as that don’t seem to really hold up when you’re a motivated internet-type individual.

COMMENTERS: Feel free to discuss the first episode in the comments. I will use your words to further pretend I know what’s going on when this show comes up.

A NEW THING!!! I have launched Sharksplode.com. It is NOT a replacement for The HijiNKS ENSUE Store. It IS a place that I can put up my more niche, inside, “maybe not for everyone, but definitely for super geeks like us” shirt ideas.

You can now order a “The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic. It comes in blue or brown. So go check out the site, read the initial blog post and order you some wearable geekiness that will illicit awkward stares.

[Side note: I was up for 30+ hours straight between Sunday and… I guess Tuesday working on the site, getting it working/ready to go, etc. so I am horribly behind on comics at the moment. I appreciate your patience.]

Gastrological Phenomena

Joel — Sat, 16 Apr 2011 00:08:52 +0000

[Posting this a few days late for my friend Mikey Neumann’s birthday, but let’s all pretend it’s still Saturday. Shhh… nobody tell him.]

My friend Mikey and I lived this comic via Twitter a few days ago, so I decided to draw it up as a birthday present to him. You may know him as the writer of games like Borderlands and the Brothers In Arms Series. He also makes a web series on Escaptist called Anthony Saves The World. It’s got time travel and ninja swords. Check it out.

UPDATE [Tues April 19th]: You’re going to be hearing a LOT about this [from me] in the coming weeks, but I will start now by saying that a project I have had in the back of my mind for a couple of years has finally come to fruition. I have launched Sharksplode.com. It is NOT a replacement for The HijiNKS ENSUE Store. It IS a place that I can put up my more niche, inside, “maybe not for everyone, but definitely for super geeks like us” shirt ideas. First I am adding all of my retired HE shirt designs, then I hope to add a new design or so each week until my “I should totally make a shirt that says…” file is empty. If it is a success I’ll keep it going.

The best part about this news is that you can now order a “The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic. It comes in blue or brown. So go check out the site, read the initial blog post and order you some wearable geekiness that will illicit awkward stares.

[Just a side note, I was up for 30+ hours straight working on the site, getting it working/ready to go, etc. so I am horribly behind on comics at the moment. I appreciate your patience.]

You’re The Last Of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown

Joel — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 22:25:42 +0000

UPDATE: THE SHIRTS ARE HERE!!!

If you are waiting on your copy of HE Book 2, PLEASE READ THIS!!!

I scoured the Internet, positive that someone had already done this. How, in the grand scheme of pop-culture references, had no one ever put these two ideas together? After doing my due Google image searching diligence, I was confident that had this gag already been explored, it was not on the Internet and thus fair game. I did, however find a few pices of “Snoopy as The Doctor” fan art. Odd.

Also, I KNOW “The Doctor Is In” refers to that football-yanking bitch Lucy and not Charlie Brown. I figured as long as I was taking creative liberties I should go for the gusto.

I suppose had I used Matt Smith’s Doctor as my subject I could have given new meaning to “the little red-haired girl.” Maybe someday I’ll do a follow up.

UPDATE: I put a desktop version of this comic in The Vault.

You can donate or become a subscriber to get access.

Abracadaver

Joel — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 04:45:40 +0000

AND MY AXE!

THERE IS A NEW HE PODCAST!!! EPISODE 82 – C2E2 2011 Webcomics Rountable featuring: Joel Watson of HijiNKS ENSUE, Kris Wilson and Rob DenBleyker of Cyanide and Happiness, Ryan Sohmer of Least I Could Do, and Danielle Corsetto from Girls With Slingshots.

If you preordered HE Book 2, please read the updated shipping times on THIS PAGE.

YOU SHOULD GO PREORDER SHORTPACKED BOOK 4 by my friend DAVID WILLIS. THIS IS MY COMMANDMENT.

YOU SHOULD ALSO GO BID ON THIS PIECE OF PAPER THAT ME AND A BUNCH OF OTHER ARTISTS DREW ON AT C2E2 TO BENEFIT THE JAPAN RELIEF EFFORT. [MORE INFO HERE]

I was so proud of myself for coming up with Abracadaver until a quick Googling showed me that it was already a thing. Several things, in fact. Including one thing already dealing with the CSI franchise. Oh well. I did my best and I live to pun another day.

I hesitate to get too enthusiastic about Ron D. Moore’s 17th Precinct because I fear my initial excitement is actually just my desire for more content in the Harry Potter universe. I would seriously love to see an adult show about aurors kicking some dark wizard ass. Plus, what is Ron Moore going to do with a show that STARTS with magic? Is the big reveal in the final episode going to be that all magic is actually science? Hmmm… wait, that actually sounds pretty cool. Feel free to use that one Ron. On the house.

COMMENTERS: Feel free to offer up your own Horatio Caine one liner set in the wizarding world. Here are a couple more to get you started:

“The victim was bludgeoned to death with a bottle of premium tequila. He never saw it coming.”
“I guess he didnt [sunglasses] expecto Patrón-us.” [YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!]

“The victim was murdered using Avada Kadavra.”
“I guess the killer’s parents never taught him… it’s not polite to curse.” [YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!]

Moore’s Law

Joel — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 19:31:43 +0000

TEAM EDWARD [James Olmos]

If you preordered HE Book 2, please read the updated shipping times on THIS PAGE.

Regional Nomenclature

Joel — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 21:16:10 +0000

TEAM EDWARD [James Olmos]

If you preordered HE Book 2, please read the updated shipping times on THIS PAGE.

Fringe, the best serious scifi show on television (prove me wrong, I dare you. I DARE YOU!) was picked up by Fox for a fourth season. Ever since I heard the news via Twitter I have been consulting the scrolls, casting the bones and reading the Alphabits in a vain attempt to figure out how this occurance fits into the Fox’s grand scheme of ultimate geek sadness.

Friday night death slot? Hah! Fringe is renewed for a 4th season!

Most of you already know that Fox’s Doom Engine is fueled by the tears of geeks and nerds, and NOT just any tears. No. Only the tears of ultimate suffering. Their Hate Furnace won’t move one inch when filled with tears born of physical pain. It requires a propellant created from equal parts lost hope and broken dreams and wilted spirits. Some are theorizing that putting Fringe in the Friday Night Death Slot, only to renew it against all conceivable Foxlogic is just a ploy to make its eventual termination all the more bitter and the ensuing tear-fuel all the more potent. Perhaps there are darker machinations at play. Perhaps we will explore these in next week’s HE comics. Perhaps. [spolers: we will]

C2E2 2011 Fancy Sketches Part 2

Joel — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 04:49:53 +0000

EWOK STAAAAAARRREEEEEE!!!

If you preordered HE Book 2, please read the updated shipping times on THIS PAGE.

Here are some more nice pieces of paper which were ruined by me at C2E2 2011. I hope you enjoy them.

COMMENTERS: It’s up to you this time. I’m still recovering from the trip and am not yet of sound enough mind to… with… stuff. Exactly. So feel free to talk about the convention, or other stuff, or ham. Ham is always good.

C2E2 2011 Fancy Sketches Part 1

Joel — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 04:59:49 +0000

EWOK STAAAAAARRREEEEEE!!!

If you preordered HE Book 2, please read the updated shipping times on THIS PAGE.

I had an amazing time in Chicago. Special thanks to my boothmates Randy, David and Danielle. By our powers combined, we were… able to afford the booth. And have fun. And sell things to people. Some of whom were in costume. It was good times. Chicago welcomed us into its hefty, meaty bosom and bathed us in the deepest of dished pizzas and the greenest of beers (it was St. Patty’s Day weekend, which is apparently Chicago’s Christmas). Despite these kindnesses, it also offered us this cruel joke of an abominable bastardized hot dog. Where was the chili? The shredded cheese? Has the city no sense? It was like a wet salad was gunned down Robocop style near a hot dog that wasn’t finished being made. I will let it slide this time, Chicago, but I expect you to correct this error in hotdoggery before I return in 12 months time.

I was very pleased to get to spend so much time with my friends from Least I Could Do and Cyanide and Happiness during this trip. Along with Danielle, we all participated in the single greatest panel I have ever been a part of. It was a solid hour of laughs and good times. The audio will be posted as the nest HijiNKS ENSUE Podcast for those that are interested in receiving enjoyment through the ears.

I hope you enjoy these book sketches in place of a comic. There will be more of them tomorrow.

Guest Comic By Tom Brazelton Of “Theater Hopper”

Joel — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 05:03:58 +0000

C2E2 IN CHICAGO IS THIS WEEKEND!!! I will be there with Randy [Something*Positive], Danielle [Girls With Slingshots] and David [Shortpacked & Dumbing Of Age]! Read more about it HERE.

TEAM EDWARD [James Olmos]

THERE IS A NEW HE PODCAST!!! EPISODE 81 – DICK ISLAND

If you preordered HE Book 2, please read the updated shipping times on THIS PAGE.

Very special thanks to Tom Brazelton who makes a comic called Theater Hopper. I met Tom last year when we shared a hotel at C2E2. Right off the bat I realized we had a lot in common. We were both young fathers straddling the line between creativity and responsibility, we did comics based on pop-culture references that most likely alienate 90% of the populace, and neither of us seem to understand why everyone else is so wrong all the time. Tom is the kind of guy that will tell you a story about internet confrontation that ends with, “And after 3 days of me telling him what a fucking twat-face he was, HE STILL DIDN’T AGREE WITH ME!” Then he looks at you with a completely straight face and gives you the ol’ “Right? Amiright? Can you believe this guy?” eyes. You have to admire his commitment. Sometimes I wish he would make a second comic featuring the alternate universe versions of his characters where they only watch indie flicks and call it “Theatre Hipster.” That one’s a freebie, Tom. On the house. Now get to work.

You can purchase Tom’s books and other merch HERE or read his movie reviews HERE.

From The Ashes, A Sheenix Rises

Joel — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 13:02:29 +0000

EWOK STAAAAAARRREEEEEE!!!

THERE IS A NEW HE PODCAST!!! EPISODE 81 – DICK ISLAND

If you preordered HE Book 2, please read the updated shipping times on THIS PAGE.

When you’re only speed is “GO,” eventually you burn out. I started writing this comic over 2 weeks ago, back when Charlie Sheen first began his one man Vatican assassination attempt of his own career, with the intention of running it before I left for Emerald City Comicon. The reason I was unable to finish it is that every time I would get done with the script, Sheen would do five more interviews and I’d have to go back to the drawing board. I wanted to somehow incapsulate the depths of his coke-fueled insanity and subsequent public breakdown in three simple panels. I soon realized this task was insurmountable and shelved the idea.

After a week passed I figured there was nothing left to say about Charlie Sheen that hadn’t already been covered elsewhere. Then I recalled a particular monolog from a prominent geek popular culture television program that seemed to sum up his entire ordeal. Those words, originally spoken with the utmost delusions of grandeur by Brother Cavil in Battlestar Galactica can be found in panels 7 and 8 above. Read them carefully and shudder at the similarities between a the grandiose ramblings of a drug addled, millionaire actor and a robot that orchestrated the destruction of humanity because of his mommy issues. Can someone make sure Sheen doesn’t have access to our planetary defense grid? Oh, we don’t have one of those? Then we should be fine.

COMMENTERS: What other quotes from geek TV and movies would make good Sheen rants? Feel free to modify them slightly to better fit his particular dementia(though top points will go to those that fit perfectly with no alteration). “I aim to misbehave,” comes to mind.

The Captain’s Prerogative

Joel — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 10:30:22 +0000

AND MY AXE!
MEEEEDLY MEEEEEDLY SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
ALL NEW REDESIGNED “AND MY AXE” SHIRTS ARE IN THE STORE!

Last chance for Ladies Heather Grey “And My Axe” shirts!

NEW HE Podcast in which we discuss the possibility of Nathan Fillion buying Firefly.

OMG EMERALD CITY COMICON IS THIS WEEKEND!!! It is by far my favorite show of the year. Come see me and Angela at booth 307. Here’s a MAP to all the other webcomics I know that will be there. I will be at the Marian Call show in Seattle Thursday night. If any Fancy Bastards are in the audience, feel free to comic up and say hi. Due to my traveling, there will an unusual comic schedule this week. Probably a guest comic and maybe a few more Lo-FiJINKS comics than normal await you.

Nathan Fillion wields a strange power over geeks. If he were to tweet the word “jump” we would probably knock the Earth off its axis. But no amounts of tweeting or jumping or wishing or clapping can bring Firelfy back from the dead. At least not the way it was. Most of the actors have moved on and many of them (including Captain Castle) into a higher pay grade. A few years ago I might have thrown my hat into the “hopeful Browncoat” ring, but the older, wise, more frequently disappointed me just wishes people would stop reopening the wound.

I suppose there is one way we could raise enough money to force Fox to give up the rights to Firefly. We could sell Charlie Sheens moon-sized balls for their weight in… sperm, I guess. It does have monitory value. At this point in his meltdown cycle, when Charlie finally bursts into actual flames from snorting cocaine and kerosene out of the barrel of a machine gun, I expect a new baby Sheen will rise from the ashes. A Sheenix, if you will. Will you? Excellent.

COMMENTERS: If the planets aligned and you could really have more Firefly (on actual TV), would you really still want it at this point? I’m sure the answer is a resounding yes (followed by a string of incoherent Chinese cursing), but I can conceive of a world where there are people that feel the show ran it’s course. In this fanciful scenario where the actors were available and affordable, as was Joss, what would you want to see? The River Tam storyline is rather resolved, so where should the weekly adventures of the crew of the Serenity go from there? Don’t take the comics into consideration when you answer this one.

Persistence Of Motion

Joel — Sat, 26 Feb 2011 04:59:24 +0000

AND MY AXE!
MEEEEDLY MEEEEEDLY SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
ALL NEW REDESIGNED “AND MY AXE” SHIRTS ARE IN THE STORE!

Last chance for Ladies Heather Grey “And My Axe” shirts!

NEW HE Podcast! Episode 80: HERES’S THE LINK

This is indeed Smallville‘s final season which means that soon I will be released from my decade long blood oath and again walk the Earth as a free man. There are either 6 or 1000 episodes left before the end of the season. It’s hard to tell. Time really has no meaning at this point. Somewhere around season 6 I remember saying to myself, “I have wasted over 100 hours of my life on this show. I can either cut myself loose from it now and consider that time lost forever, or I can see this bastard factory through to the end and hope for some kind of payoff. How much steam could it possibly have left in it? One more season at best. Certainly not FOUR.”

Oh, well. I am resigned to my fate. I’m sure it will get an 11th hour 11th season pickup. At that point I will probably just eat a big bucket of wet cement and wait for my internal organs to fossilize.

COMMENTERS: Is anyone out there still suffering with me or am I totally alone? Rest assured that your answer won’t change how miserable I feel about the fact that I’m still watching Smallville. Also, and I think we’ve talked about this before, but what show do you regret holding out to the very end with? What shows are you glad you were able to abandon before they got too terrible?

Assisted Mobility

Joel — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 22:36:27 +0000

Sharktopus Vs. DinoVampire Vs. CyberYeti!
The Science Fiction TV-Movie Title Generator Shirt!!!

Here’s some reference material in case this comic is causing you to have a confusion stroke. If it isn’t then we can probably be best friends.

As I delve deeper into the world of the Doctor (currently all caught up on 11, about half of 10 and just started on 9), I see more and more parallels from the rest of science fiction as a whole. It really is a sort of “everything to everyone” sci-fi series that borrows as much from Star Trek as it does from Ray Bradbury. That isn’t to say Doctor Who isn’t original. Far from it. It’s just that with a premise that has literally NO boundaries as far as what kind of stories it can tell and in what setting or with what characters, it is helpful that it tends to stay grounded in familiar sci-fi tropes. I think that helps you not to feel lost despite the fact that each episode introduces you to a new setting and a wholly unknown set of circumstances. If Doctor Who were Star Trek, Science Fiction as a whole would be the Enterprise. The genre is the comfortable surrounding that creates the “walls” of the show.

Everything you need to know about Doctor Who in a single page

Thanks to my buddy Wil for helping me flesh out the idea for this comic. I actually came up with it while talking to him about Doctor Who a few weeks back [that sentence was nearly too geeky to type]. You should totally check out his recent appearance on The Nerdist Podcast. He is just a genuinely great guy and the more I learn about him, the more I respect him.

Regarding the Daleks: When I’m designing evil major appliances with the intent of taking over the universe, I might want to pull out the old space tape measure and jot down the dimensions of a few average sized doorways. Seems like a narrow foyer is enough to stop these demented dish washers in their tracks.

Regarding Captain Pike: Look, I know it was the 60’s, but if you can imagine interstellar travel and super computers, why can’t you imagine a world where a paraplegic can do a little more than go forward, back up, and answer “yes” or “no” questions? This “future-tech” doesn’t work as well as taping a laser pointer to his head and pointing him at a Ouija board. I rewatched “The Menagerie” in preparation for this comic. I was surprised how good the story actually was. The 60’s camp and occasional extreme over acting was still there, but at it’s root there is a very cool sci-fi idea. I do, however, think it would have been a better idea if captain Pike was told to beep once for “truth” and twice for “dare.” Also, does anyone else get the impression that if you open the hood on pike’s chair it’s basically just a Port-O-John inside? I bet they just park him over a drain and turn on the hose.

Maybe In A Walternate Dimension

Joel — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 08:44:43 +0000

THE GEEKIEST OF ALL BRITISH KNIGHTS ON ONE SHIRT!!!

NEW HE PODCAST [episode 79] IS HERE! Hours of extra podcast (including a Post Show where I sing autotuned 80’s pop hits) are HERE for Vault Subscribers.

COMMENTERS: What other “fringe science bonding experiences” could I share with Grandpa Walter? Any other mad scientists that would make great grandpas or creepy uncles?

The Bad News Bearer

Joel — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 05:27:08 +0000

THE GEEKIEST OF ALL BRITISH KNIGHTS ON ONE SHIRT!!!

NEW HE PODCAST [episode 79] IS HERE! Hours of extra podcast (including a Post Show where I sing autotuned 80’s pop hits) are HERE for Vault Subscribers.

Firefly returns to cable — in HD
Watch Community’s hilarious Firefly nod
UPDATE: HOLY SHIT! Nathan Fillion and Firefly’s writers are ready continue the show and Help Nathan Buy Firefly

COMMENTERS: Firefly will be airing in HD on The Science Channel. Seems like an odd fit, but I’m not complaining. Do you think this will win over more Browncoats, or is it just a deep cable channel looking at it’s audience, seeing a bunch of geeks and trying to give them something they already love to keep them from changing the channel? What other news might enrage the Evil Fox Exec to the point of employee “cancellation”?

Culturally Biased

Joel — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 02:07:49 +0000

Team Edward [James Olmos] Shirts at Topatoco!

NEW HE PODCAST [episode 78] IS HERE! Hours of extra podcast are HERE for Vault Subscribers.

Check out my good friend Tom Brislin’s video-song cover of Joe Jackson’s “Steppin’ Out.” HE Podcast listeners will know Tom as the man behind our theme song and interstitial music.

UPDATE:

COMMENTERS: Give me some more categories and questions that would give Watson’s filthy human opponents an unfair advantage. Or give me some that he would dominate at.

The B-S-G-B-I-B-L-E

Joel — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 00:02:22 +0000

ONLY 20 UFE’s LEFT AND ONLY 4 days left to get them: There are 20 Ultimate Fancy Editions of the book left and the files must be fully proofed and turned into the printer by Sunday 1/30/2011. Once those last UFE’s are sold I will have covered 100% of the printing costs + all other book-related expenses. PLEASE HELP me make this thing a success. 4 days! We can do it!

BOOK 2 PROOFREADERS UPDATE: You will likely get the book in a slightly unfinished format by Friday night and will have to have it back to me within 24 hours. Just a heads up.

When Battlestar Galactica (I accidentally just wrote GalactiviA, and then thought that would be a good name for space-yogurt that makes you poop)… eh’ hem… When Battlestar Galactica first started I remember being excited that the only real difference between the crew of the BSG and modern day man was that they could travel between the stars. Other than that their technology was actually LESS advanced than ours. A big part of that had to do with them being aboard a 75 year old ship and the fact that all ships with modern (modern for them) tech were destroyed in the attack on the 12 Colonies. With no lasers, androids (sort of), holodecks, super-computers (at least not on their ships) or even any aliens BSG had to rely on believable, relatable, compelling characters to suck you in. That and space battles with evil robots. That was also a big part of the appeal in the early seasons.

In retrospect the show really ran out of reasons for the characters to be interesting after season 3 and resorted to crazy stunts, and plot twists that really didn’t make any sense (al la LOST). Be that as it may, the show was incredibly original for a sci-fi serial drama and made me rethink my definition of science fiction. Or at least adjust my perception as to what I expected from the genre. I was raised by Star Trek: TNG, and BSG was certainly its antithesis. The disparities between the two are even more evident when you realize Ron D. Moore (who cut his teeth on Deep Space Nine), was using TNG as the anti-blueprint for Battlestar. No mirror universes, no bumpy foreheads, no god-like powers, and no standard character archetypes (the cocky guy, the smart guy, the alien, the slut) were the commandments of the BSG Bible. I would say that his philosophy worked… until it didn’t. Or maybe until he lost faith in his own good book. Seems like BSG started to stray when it abandoned stories rooted in the human condition and the struggle for survival and started making everything about Space God and destiny and what not. You can argue that those aspects were always central to the narrative of BSG (because they were), but viewer like myself always hoped they would be a red herring and not the ACTUAL crux of the show.

COMMENTERS: Since you were already doing this before I made this post, what aspect of BSG did you find the MOST confusing. Just to balance things out, what did you love about BSG that wasn’t a common Sci-Fi trope.

And if you find panel three confusing, please check out the work of Bear McCreary. I want him to score my life.

~~Colors, backgrounds and post coming later tonight.~~ In other news: Kiddo has requested that “Daddy stop working so much” and spend some time with her. Going to 5 days a week and trying to get the book done at the same time was a stupid idea. I’ve been working 14-16 hour days, sleeping 5-6 hours then getting up and doing it all again. If you appreciate the increased output and you would like to help out, please consider making a donation. THANKS!

The original Battlestar Galactica series bible is Ron Moore’s rebuke to Star Trek

Paralleloquels

Joel — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 14:21:53 +0000

There is a new HE Podcast. Download episode 77!

You can still order Ultimate Fancy Editions of HE Book 2 AND get your name in the book until I tell you otherwise. Could be a few more days, or longer. Not Sure Yet.

Feel free to use the new term I’ve invented, “paralleloquels,” to describe any movie that takes place in the same shared universe as it’s predecessor but isn’t a traditional sequel or prequel or threequel or fauxquel. I made that last one up too.

So Ridley Scott gets Damon Lindelof to rewrite the new Alien film only to have him come back with an original sci-fi screenplay that isn’t an “Alien” story but potentially takes place in the same continuity. Does anyone else get the feeling that Damon Lindelof just tries to solve every tough writing situation with a flash-sideways? At the end of the film, is the heroine going to stumble, bloodied and beaten, into a space chapel only to find Ripley, Dallas, Bishop, Newt, Bill Paxton and the aliens hugging (or face-hugging) it out just before they embrace the abyss? Speaking of The Abyss, that water monster is probably there too. So are the ocean aliens from Deep Star Six, Kyle Reese and Wilfred Oatmeal McDiabeteStache from Cocoon.

COMMENTERS: Now that they aren’t doing the prequel, let’s speculate on what it should have been about? Also, let’s figure out what movies would have been better franchise mashup partners with Alien than Predator. How about Look Who’s Talking? The aliens could have cutesy comments finding their own tails while still gestating in their human hosts. Of course Jon Travolta and Kirstie Alley would return. They’re both Scientologists so playing host to alien organisms is already part of their day to day lives.

Of Capes And Cowls

Joel — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 16:21:12 +0000

READ READ READ READ:
This is your LAST WEEK to order an Ultimate Fancy Edition of Book 2 AND get your name in the book. Files go to the printer on January 15th. After that you will still be able to order a UFE but you will NOT necessarily be listed in the book on the Fancy Bastard Wall Of Fancy Fame.
ORDER THAT MOTHER FANCY BOOK, YO!

Don’t want a stupid book? Check out The HE Store!

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: HijiNKS ENSUE is 5 days a week now. Read more HERE.

“You should come check out my new ride. I call it ‘The Scrambler.’ Oh, and you’re going to love these. Bam! Cape-arangs! Pretty sweet, right Bats?”

The Cape Spoilers ahead: I watched the first two episodes of The Cape because I feel it’s my job to jump on these sorts of tv-grenades and absorb the initial impact in hopes that more of my fellow geek-kind can be spared the poorly written, campy shrapnel. (Shrampy campnel?)

In short, The Cape gets everything wrong. It walks too thin a line between “campy superhero shenanigans” and “brooding Dark Kightesque seriousness.” The story, the costumes, the characters and the writing are so silly that any attempts the show makes at drama or real emotion are completely lost. I know many of you enjoy a healthy dose of camp in your super hero shows and The Cape delivers it in spades. It receives a 4.5 on The Greater Xena Scale of Sunday Afternoon TV Silliness. But I have a feeling even you campers out there would take issue with the completely Batmanshit nuts plot of this show.

Here’s the basic rundown (and a summary of how the whole thing is a complete rip off of Batman Begins): Palm City used to be a nice place, but now it’s full of crime and corruption (just like Gotham). All the cops are dirty except for one, our hero Vince (ie Jim Gordon from BB). There’s a villain called Chess, who has chess pieces for eyes and something something he really likes chess. He’s also the CEO of the corporation that’s taking over the city’s police force. Vince (the lone good cop), takes a job for Chess’s corporation as a private security officer and gets set up by his best friend and Chess to take the fall for Chess’s crimes. He is outed as the villain, and appears to die in an explosion leaving his wife and child behind, but escapes and is rescued by a band of circus freaks lead by Keith David. Turns out they are actually bank robbers and Vince has a magic keycard that opens any bank vault in the city. They rob a bank and everyone, including Vince, is happy about that for some reason.

Now that they are all friends, Vince decides he needs justice (like Batman), vengence (like Batman) and he needs to be a symbol for good instead of just a man (like Batman, almost verbatim from BB) and Keith David and his merry band of midgets and weirdos are just the bunch to teach him the arts of fighting, acrobatics, illusion, sleight of hand, misdirection, and mind trickery (The League of Shadows and Ras Al’Ghul from BB) to make his transformation to super hero complete. There’s a training montage where he learns to fight with a magic cape that is light but can become rigid (like in BB), how to use smoke bombs to disappear (just like BB), how to hypnotize people and how to wrestle a midget (just like in… wait…). This is all good and well until you realize that it all basically happened over the course of an afternoon or two. He MASTERS hypnotism to the point that he hypnotizes the ~~hypnotoad~~ hypnotist in a few hours. He can use his cape to snatch knives out of hands after maybe 45 minutes of practice. Whatever.

So with his new costume and arsenal of quickly gained super-abilities he heads out to find this shipment of super explosive that’s being brought into town by Chess. When he gets to the train yard there are shipping crates full of stuffed animals that contain the illicit cargo (just like in BB) and he begins to snatch the baddies one by one into the shadows, totally unseen (EXACTLY LIKE IN BB. IT WAS SERIOUSLY A COMPLETE REMAKE OF THE SHOT FROM BB.) While trying to take down Chess he runs into Orwell (played by Summer Glau) who is a blogger trying to expose the corruption of Chess’s false corporate identity. The first scene between The Cape and Orwell goes something like this. “So you’re a super hero now? That’s cool. Now we’re partners.” Niether party asks any questions of the other. They almost just exchange glances then form a crime-fighting duo. You would think there’d at least be a standard contract to fill out or a 1099 or something.

The Firefly code forces me to evaluate Glau with more leniency than I would others, but the best I can say is that she does all right with what she is given. And what she is given is pretty shitty. The plot is riddled with holes, the dialog is just plain dumb and the characters have little to no motivation to being doing the completely outrageous things they are doing.

The Dark Night get the “homage” treatment too. By the end of the second episode Vince’s fake-widow basically becomes the Rachel Daws character from BB and TDK. Also his “taking the fall for someone else’s crimes” echoes Harvey Dent in a not-too-coincidental way AND they introduce a second Jim Gordon/Rachel analog in the guise of “the lone city councilman who will vote against Chess taking over the prisons despite death threats and murder attempts.” There are literally dozens of other close comparisons between The Cape and Christopher Nolan’s Batman movies but to list any more of them here would be to post the entire script for the pilot.

Verdict: I didn’t hate The Cape, but I won’t be watching it regularly and I can’t give it a recommendation. It is stuck between 90’s era TV camp like M.A.N.T.I.S, VIPER and MUTANT-X and legitimate super hero franchises like Batman Begins/The Dark Knight.

COMMENTERS: Did you watch The Cape? What did you think? Did I miss anything worth mentioning?

If The Cape is really our new hero, then America is doomed

Summer Glau wants YOU to design a villain for The Cape

Failed Enterprises

Joel — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 12:31:48 +0000

HEY LOOK AT THIS: This is your LAST WEEK to order an Ultimate Fancy Edition of Book 2 AND get your name in the book. Files go to the printer on January 15th. After that you will still be able to order a UFE but you will NOT be listed in the book on the Fancy Bastard Wall Of Fancy Fame.
ORDER THAT FREAKIN’ BOOK, YO!

Don’t want a stupid book? Check out The HE Store!

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: HijiNKS ENSUE is 5 days a week now. Read more HERE.

SyFy has been airing Star Trek V: The Final Frontier and Star Trek: Nemesis back to back for several days now. That’s so ballsy, it’s almost like they want you to believe THEY think it’s a good idea. Bold. Very bold, Syfy. We get it. You have weapons and you’re willing to use them. This is the Cable TV equivalent of North Korea shooting a missile into the ocean. There isn’t a specific target, but they want to make sure we know they are armed and they are not to be fucked with.

Sometimes I wonder how self aware SyFy actually is. They produce fantastic shows like Eureka and Stargate SG:U (until they cancel them), but they also greenlight 40 or 50 poorly rendered CG monster-of-the-week movies like Crocodozer Vs. Dinocopter every day. Do they realize how most Trekkies feel about those two Star Trek movies in particular? Is that why they decided to combine them into a 4 hours rock block of pain and suffering? Or does whichever program directer made that call have absolutely no idea how amusing and unfortunate his choice was?

Nemesis and The Final Frontier suffer from a lot of same flaws. Namely, each had a director that cared nothing about the previous legacy of Star Trek. Nemesis was directed by Stuart Baird, who admittedly knew nothing of the franchise and cut over a third of the film which featured key character developments in favor of more pointless action scenes, and The Final Frontier had William Shatner. I don’t think Shatner purposefully wanted to sabotage Star Trek as a franchise, but he’s an awful director and I don’t think he could see past his own ego to realize he was taking on a task for which he was not qualified. Though he was only part of the reason Star Trek V was unwatchable. The script was ridiculous, the FX were garage-quality and plotwise, some stuff happens that doesn’t matter to people you don’t care about, and then it’s over. It was a deeply flawed film.

Commenters: What other movie combinations might SyFy air back to back for maximum sadness payload? Feel free to give your opinions about what exactly went wrong with Trek’s 5 and 10 and how they might have been fixed (honestly, there’s no saving Final Frontier. You can’t polish a space turd).

The Blue Box Binge

Joel — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 22:23:11 +0000

BOOK 2 NEEDS YOUR HELP!

The deadline for ordering the Ultimate Fancy Edition AND getting your name in the book on the Fancy Wall of Fancy Fame is January 15th!!!

There are less than half of the 150 UFE’s left and I really need to sell ALL OF THEM to get the print run covered. Show your support for HE and preorder the shit out of Book 2!

Episode 75 of the HijiNKS ENSUE Podcast is live! It is a doozy if I do say so myself (spoilers: I do).

Two Doctor Who comic in a row!? Unprecedented! I have been shotgunning Doctor Who episodes 5 or 6 at a time for the last 3 days and the experience has definitely taken it’s toll. I haven’t shaved (though I rarely do), bathed or fed myself since 2010. I only respond to the cries of my wife and daughter with the occasional guttural “yawp,” and I’ve gone completely insane due to lack of sleep (much like Dalek Caan when he flew directly into The Time War). I am only 2 or 3 episodes from the end of the 10th Doctor. After that I can either catch up with 11 or go back and watch 9, and the first 2 seasons of 10. Either way I have dozens of hours of geeky enjoyment ahead of me.

I came up with the idea of this comic while trying to think of a way to describe Tennant’s Doctor to my wife. I stand by the Batman + Picard assertion. I have also worked up a theory that 10 doesn’t actually regenerate due to death, but rather due to suppressing so much god damn pain and rage over the years. He’s constantly putting on a happy face when you know the weight of the universe is burdening his multiple hearts. The regeneration process is like a Time Lord soul-colonic.

Any Who fans should check out these Doctor Who nesting dolls by Molly Lewis. Simply fantastic.

Wibbly-Wobbly Timey-Wimey… Stuff

Joel — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 00:44:14 +0000

BOOK 2 NEEDS YOUR HELP!

The book has to be to the printer in EARLY JANUARY so if you want an Ultimate Fancy Edition AND you want your name in the book, you need to order NOW. There are about half of the 150 UFE’s left and I really need to sell ALL OF THEM to get the print run covered. Show your support for HE and preorder the shit out of Book 2!

I DID IT! I FINALLY STARTED WATCHING DOCTOR WHO! Fitting I made this leap on the final day of the year considering it was in the final comic of 2009 where I admitted never having watched it and made it seem like I never would. I just felt SO VERY BEHIND that I feared any attempt to acclimate myself to the series would seem like posing. You know what? That’s stupid person talk. If you think you’ll like something, try it the hell out.

So when I noticed a 20+ episode marathon of The Good Doctor last night on BBC America, I decided to jump in the TARDIS feet first. It was surprisingly roomy on the inside, and oddly enough, the first episode I saw was indeed “Blink,” which is the one most Who fans had recommended I start with. I made it through about 6 David Tennant episodes before falling asleep, but the rest are on the DVR. I don’t know if it was my peripheral pop-culture knowledge of the series’ mythos or my general proclivity toward scifi but I found it surprising easy to get into. Within 2 episodes I felt like The Doctor was a fond and familiar character. I watched all the from “Blink” through The Master‘s resurrection and (apparent) death. I gotta say, I’m hooked. You were right. You were all right. I apologize.

Why does it seem like the BBC cares so much more about scifi than American television does? Next year they are going to have at least 4 scifi series running and they only have 4 freaking channels. I am interested to check out Outcasts, but Primeval looks silly. Maybe scifi is just more ingrained in British culture. Brits (and the BBC) seem to understand the concept of starting slow and letting a series build over time. What do you think? COMMENTS AWAY!

Also, have a happy and safe new year. Think about what you would like to accomplish in 2011 and get started on that shit TOMORROW! Take a small step towards your goal each day, and prioritize everything else accordingly. That is, unless you wake up hung over in an alley behind a Shoney’s. Then you should probably wait until the 2nd to get started on your grand plans. Get a clean shirt too. You can’t go conquering the world covered in celebratory hobo puke.

The Joy Of Cooking

Joel — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 12:28:03 +0000

BOOK 2 UPDATE/ANNOUNCEMENT!

The book has to be to the printer in less than 2 weeks so if you want an Ultimate Fancy Edition AND you want your name in the book, you need to order NOW. I am also taking the UFE’s down from 200 to 150 signed and numbered packs due to slower than expected preorders and the impending deadline. Around 50% of the UFE’s are left. Show your support for HE and preorder the shit out of Book 2!

The situation of my new relationship with “the best show on television (from what I’ve been hearing from the entire world over the last year)” isn’t quite as dier as the one depicted in the panels above. I noticed a few episodes of Breaking Bad airing tonight on AMC and realized that, yes, they are running them two a night in order to allow Johnny Methhead come lately’s such as myself to catch up. Unfortunately the first episode I saw was the season 2 premiere, so I need to procure and speed-watch season 1 before I face the onslaught of 10 or so new episodes a week that are currently filling my DVR. I would ask your opinion of the show (feel free to post it in the comments) but there seems to be only one universal opinion towards the program. That it is (as stated earlier) the best show in television. I will do my due dilligence and report back to you in some sort of follow up capacity.

Keep an eye on my Twitter feed on new years eve as that we may record a new episode of the HE Podcast and we might just stream all or parts of it live on the internet. No promises yet, as plans are still developing.

I just realized that my next comic will be the last of 2010 and the last of a potential Book 3. Hmmm… how to go out with a bang? Murder-suicide? Wedding? Murder-Wedding? Suggestions are welcomed.

Self-Depritweeting

Joel — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 22:05:42 +0000

Get your HijiNKS ENSUE Book 2 Preoder on! GO HERE NOW! 1/3 of the Ultimate Fancy Editions are already gone! Also, I can now accept preorders via Check or Money Order.

Thursday Dec. 16th is your last chance to order something from the HE Store and get it by Dec. 24th without paying for Express shipping. GO! SPEND! SPEND LIKE SANTA’S LIFE DEPENDS ON IT!

Tim Minear’s Twitter bio reads like a… well like a list of cancelled shows, most of which I enjoyed and some of which I REALLY enjoyed. Terriers, Angel, Firefly, Wonderfalls, Drive, The Inside, The X-Files, Lois and Clark, The Chicago Code.

I never did see Terriers, but I know it wasn’t actually about dogs. It was about something else which was never properly conveyed by FX’s marketing department. They’ve done such a good job of keeping the show’s premise a secret that, especially now that it is cancelled, mankind will never know its true purpose. FX does that a lot. They managed to conceal the brilliance of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia with confusing and off-putting commercials from me for three seasons before I caved to Josh and Eli’s collective will and burned through roughly 30 episodes on one sitting. Needless to say it is a fantastic show, and FX obviously had no idea how to present it to new potential viewers. I would argue that it’s continued success stems only from word of mouth brow beating.

But I digress and return my attention to Mr. Minear. He has written on or show-run three of my all-time favorite television programs. The obvious ones being Firefly and Angel, but almost more than those two (okay not more than Firefly) I lament the loss of Wonderfalls. I feel like I’ve talked about it at length in the past so I won’t bore you, but it was one of the most original and captivating fantasy/quirky/dramedy style tv shows ever and perhaps the greatest injustice enacted by The Evil Fox Executive. For not only was it brilliant, but it only aired for four episodes. The season 1 DVD is available and contains the whole 13 (or was it 10?) episode run, and fans of Dead Like Me and Pushing Daisies should do themselves a favor and pick it up.

The Hollywood TV Machine just isn’t meant for guys like Tim Minear and Joss Whedon. I really hope they and others like them keep exploring alternative distribution methods for content. I would love to see an online network run by guys like Whedon and Minear that independently produced well-budgeted series, shorts and features using a direct subscription, pay what you want, or unobtrusive advertising model. Networks aren’t necessary anymore and neither are time slots. Quality shows still require deep pockets but there are other ways to get funding. The future of media (books, comics, TV, movies) is going to be making specific content for a much smaller audience. Mass Appeal is the ideal that gets good shows cancelled and shitty shows a 10th season.

I know we are perhaps decades away from the current TV model dying the way the music industry and newspapers are now, but I promise you it will happen. I like seeing people pave the way for this transition by making their own content and putting it out there for others to enjoy. In that vein my buddy Mikey is making a web-series called Anthony Saves The World that you should check out.

You should also go out and make your own thing. How’s that for a new year’s resolution? Make that thing you’ve always wanted to make. Just start. Start tonight. MAKE SOMETHING. HAVE FUN.

I Mean About Future Calamity

Joel — Sat, 11 Dec 2010 01:46:14 +0000

Get your HijiNKS ENSUE Book 2 Preoder on! GO HERE NOW! Over 1/4 of the Ultimate Fancy Editions are already gone!

Enjoy this Lo-FijiNKS comic while I am at Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage in Austin this weekend and with David, Danielle, Randy, Jeph, Bill, and Josh.

Listeners to the HE Podcast will know that conversations with Eli in real life often take unexpected and indecipherable twists and turns. What you see above is a fictional account of a conversation that never took place, but easily could have and in an alternate universe, probably did. Speaking of alternate universes, the writers over at Fringe seem to have a sense of humor since they did actually name their first episode in the FOX Friday Night Death Slot “Firefly.” I assume the next few episodes will be entitled “Dollhouse,” “Terminator: TSCC,” “Dark Angel” and… oops. Cancelled.

Also speaking of alternate universes, I wrote two scripts for this comic and decided to make them both. Here’s the alternate. [click to embiggen, then click AGAIN to fully embiggen]

Now You CDC Me, Now You Don’t

Joel — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 15:33:14 +0000

The HijiNKS ENSUE Book 2 Presale has started! GO HERE NOW!

TEXAS FANCY BASTARDS: Come to Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage in Austin this weekend and hang out with me, David, Danielle, Randy, Jeph, Bill, and Josh.

Episode 73 of The HijiNKS ENSUE Podcast is up!

MORE THE WALKING DEAD SPOILERS BELOW AND IN THE COMMENTS!!!

Wow. That episode, nay that short season of television was intense. This comic is actually quite a bit tamer that what I suggested to my wife the good doctor might do given his prolonged isolation and his knowledge of having mere seconds to live. NO! Not THAT. I just bet he would kindly excuse himself, walk over to the corner and whip it out. Being igniting the oxygen at 7000 degrees at the moment of climax is really the ultimate form of autoerotic asphyxiation. It’s also tons better than being found in the closet strung up by your belt, because even if you do it wrong there’s no evidence afterwards or mess to clean up. I’m just saying there are worse ways to go. Getting a chunk bitten out of your head comes to mind.

I actually assumed things were going to end much differently in the season 1 finale of AMC’s The Walking Dead. About 10 minutes in I got the feeling that Dr. Jenner, distraught over having lost all of his research, would infect one of the survivors, play it off as an accident, then suggest they study the body to find a cure. I was CERTAIN this was the case when the blond lady started throwing up. I couldn’t have been more wrong, but I still enjoyed it quite a bit. I wish more American TV would adopt this “get in, tell a story, get out” model. Six episodes is a possibly too brief (10 would have been nice), but this type of mentality would force the creators to focus on the meat (no pun) of the story, and prevent things like seasons 4-6 of LOST from happening in the future.

Your thoughts? Commentward HO!

The Final Stage Is Acceptance

Joel — Tue, 23 Nov 2010 01:52:57 +0000

Are you surprised Fox is slowly and calmly building a Fringe-sized coffin? Seeing as we have already established the Fringe is the best Sci-Fi show on TV, and FOX’s Doom Engine is powered by geek tears, you shouldn’t be.

I honestly think Fringe is one of those shows that has a complete narrative to tell and, thus, needs an end date. Just not a surprise one. I can see the major arc of Fringe and it’s creative steam carrying it through a phenomenal 4th season and perhaps to a 5th, but beyond that it could suffer from the same slow death that claimed The X-Files. The last thing I want is for another TV Sci-Fi masterpiece to outstay it’s welcome. But Fringe deserves a chance to wrap things up on it’s own time and with support from the network. Time and time again, FOX has shown us that Friday night is the last stop before an untimely cancellation. It’s almost like how your trash collectors only take branches and leaf bags every other week, so you stick them on the edge of your lawn just waiting for them to be collected. Friday night is the edge of FOX’s lawn.

You might as well go read some more Fringe comics, because I have a feeling I’m only going to get the opportunity to make one or two more.

Hulk: El Hombre Increíble

Joel — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 22:24:28 +0000

UPDATE: Or maybe this didn’t happen at all.

In the same week it was announced that former TV Hulk, Lou “The Ferrigs” Ferrigno, was joining Steven “Fat Karate” Seagal in the Arizona Anti-Illegal Immigration Marauder Posse Squad Strike Force Delta, AND that Guillermo “The Most Mexican Director In Hollywood” del Toro would be bringing a new Hulk TV series to ABC.

I can put up with a lot of things, but brand disparity among individuals loosely affiliated with the same fictional property is ALWAYS where I draw the line. I guess. Come on, The Incredible Hulk Franchise. Pro-Mexican or Anti-Mexican? Pick a side. We’re at war.

Is it just me, or does this story make it seem like Steven Seagal actually is the character he played in Robert Rodriguez’s Machete? Pro-tip for illegals trying to sneak past Lou Ferrigno at the border: he’s partially deaf. Stay behind him and be very, very quiet. If he catches you in a sleeper hold, it’s lights out.

For those unfamiliar with Eli’s Vespa-riding doppleganger, it is his friend Alex. He last appeared in THIS COMIC taking Eli’s place after Eli asked for too much imaginary comic money.

COMMENTERS: This whole thing just screams, “set up for a reality show.” Name the show, come up with the tagline, and/or give us an episode synopsis. I’ll get you started:

“Bean Counters with Lou Ferrigno and Steven Seagal! We’re taking these illegals back to brown-town!”

The Werewolf Diaries

Joel — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 22:04:01 +0000

NEWS: British Knights Shirt! – Ovipositor Shirt! – Dragon’s Lair Webcomics Rampage!

The one and only thing I appreciate about Mtv’s Teen Wolf adaptation is that the townsfolk in the trailer seem to react to werewolves with reasonable levels of terror. It’s more, “OH GOD, A HORRIBLE MONSTER! KILL IT! KILLLL IT IN THE FAAAAACE!” than attitude presented in the classic 80’s movies of, “Hey, how come the short kid is a dog? I sure hope he can play sports good now. Dum dee dum dee doooo.”

Are you listening to the HE Podcast? YOU SHOULD BE! In episode 70 [link coming soon] we talk a lot of teenage werewolves.

From The Makers Of Moon Wine

Joel — Fri, 12 Nov 2010 09:24:36 +0000

Please accept this Lo-FijiNKS comic substitute while I am in Austin, TX with SCARY UNCLE RANDY this weekend at AUSTIN COMIC CON.

I will have giant prints of the Austin-Inspired BBQ Comic!

PLUS there will be a joint HE/S*P Meetup after the show Saturday Night [DETAILS HERE].

There is also a new episode of the HijiNKS ENSUE Podcast! GO! ENJOY IT WITH YOUR HEAD AND FACE!

As a personal favor to me, please watch Fringe and SG:U, then tell all your friends to do the same. I needs them. I needs them like a space wino needs him some’o that space wine. Ohhh that space wine is mighty fine.