I just got back from taking my family on vacation and, as it turns out, they just kept putting stuff on the Internet the whole time I was gone. I assumed it’d be a “pause everything until I get back” sort of situation. I still haven’t entirely crawled out of my unread Internet hole. Only one of my eyes is bleeding, so that’s a good sign.

I posted a ton of pictures from the trip on my Instagram, if you are so inclined.

I’ll be posting holiday shipping deadlines over at my store soon. If you want something before, let’s say, around the last week of December, you should probably order it now.

Do you want support me making comics full time?!  Then my Patreon is THE PLACE for you. Every little bit helps me continue to make a living, and is QUITE appreciated.

My Patrons got EIGHT TOTALLY DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF THIS COMIC with totally different jokes!!! WHAT?!?!? I KNOW!!!

Dearest Sharksploders, please help me get my Patreon over the $2000 hump. Comics is my full time job, but it doesn’t currently pay full time money. I’ve been doing a lot of freelance work lately (which distracts me from making comics) to make ends meet, and I’ve agreed to attend more conventions this year than I really feel comfortable with (which REALLY distracts me from making comics) out of financial fear. Every little bit helps and is QUITE appreciated.

Oh, Wesley, no… you didn’t read the comments, did you? Why would you do that to yourself? You’re a very smart boy. Perhaps the smartest. You’ve got a lot going for you in terms of getting to fly a spaceship, getting to make out with alien girls that sometimes turn into bear monsters and occasionally getting space-drunk with a man-shaped science robot. FOCUS on these aspects of your life, man! Don’t let the haters get you down. Go do a wicked science fair project that creates an artificial singularity or whatever. That sounds like a fun Saturday night, right? Much better than trolling the Internet for opinions that strangers have about you, and your sweaters and your haircut and how sassy you get when the grown up JUST WON’T LISTEN! You’re great, kid. You keep doing you and it will all work out. Maybe someday you’ll catch the attention of an inter dimensional child predator in a windowless space van who will leave a trail of space candy to guide you to his other pants of existence… other PLANES of existence.

Here’s another redrawn/recolored FANEURYSM comic. This was one of the first ones I ever did, one of my favorites and the one that probably the fewest people who aren’t me understand. You can see the original here, and read the blog post I wrote back in April 2014 below.

I wrote at least three different comics about “Darmok.” I am definitely making at least one of them, but I haven’t decided if I’m going to save it for later or just do it now. I also haven’t decided if I’m just going to give up HijiNKS ENSUE and FANEURYSM and just make Darmok comics every day until I’m dead. Decisions are tough. It feels like that one time… with Temba… and the arms or whatever. Metaphors are also tough.

As much as I love “Darmok,” I do take issue with it. Actually, I take a metric assload of issue with it. Let’s assume that at some point the Tamarians didn’t talk like stupid idiots. They HAD to have regular language at some point in order to pass down the stories that allow their metaphors to be relatable. So perhaps they gave up on coherent speech as a people at some point and the Head Tamarian In Charge said, “Guys, here me out. We all know about Darmok, and Temba, and Shaka and what they were all about and what not. How’s about when I finish THIS SENTENCE, we only speak in reference to our shared cultural stories from here on out starrrrrtiiiiiinnnnnng…. NOW?”

I’m sure it worked out great for maybe a day or two, and everyone felt super cool about their complicated new way of not really communicating very well, and how funny it was that they were super frustrating to every other species in the Galaxy, but then… THEN someone needed to find a way to say, “Hey, I think I dropped the remote behind the couch when I was vacuuming. Can you reach back there and check? I would, but you know how my back is.” Then it was just kill or be killed. I wouldn’t be surprised if Captain Dathon and his crew were the last six surviving Tamarians. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were only six of them left and they had JUST started talking this way maybe 6 weeks ago.

Of course it makes a hell of a lot more sense if you consider that maybe they only speak that way in adulthood, or in formal settings, or if they belong to a particular religion are political affiliation, or if they are high born or when they want to infuriate an uncharacteristically dense in this particular episode Starfleet Captain until they are eaten by an invisible monster in order to prove a point.

Look at these Harry Potter Owl Post Earrings, Doctor Who Dalek Earrings and Star Wars Lightsaber Earrings my wife made!

Look at them with your eyes, buy them with your hands and jam them into your ears!

I’m headed to San Diego Comic-con RIGHT NOW! Starting Wednesday, I’ll be at the Cyanide & Happiness booth (#1234)! Come say hi, buy and a print and get a sketch from me and the Explosm boys.

My Patreon Patrons get to see an early versions of my comics, read it before anyone else and see lots of other cool behind the scenes stuff.

Beelzebub has a nonfunctioning unsubscribe link set aside for me. For meeeee! FOR MEEEEEEEEE!

Wednesday June 3 (TODAY) is my birthday. If you would like to make me VERY happy, and you aren’t interested in things like becoming a Patron, donations or Amazon wishlists, how about you SHARE THE FUCK out of this comic (or any of the other comics)? Pretty please? Let’s get some more Sharksploders in these comic infested waters.

SHARKSPLODERS: Which other designers of products, systems and websites belong in SUPER HELL? How about the guy that invented the phone tree at your internet service provider?

NEWS:
My new podcast Potter & Daughter is live now! You can download the first episode here or subscribe via RSS or iTunes.

Fancy Patreon Patrons get each episode a week early! My daughter and I made it together, I’m really proud of it and I hope you enjoy it.

Use code 10offhoodies to get $10 off any and all hoodies in the HE store! Use it as many times as you like.

When we were kids, our parents were the early adopters. They invested time, money and emotion into this untested bit of kit with lots of shine on the surface, but very little functionality and the promise of buggy software with little to no developer support. As bugs cropped up, they applied patches. As hardware became obsolete, they upgraded. Eventually the hardware and software reach a stability point, leave beta and enter the 1.0 phase. The tech runs smoothly for a good many years, and is beloved by its users for its reliability and consistency. Every so often, there’s a service pack released and the tried and true hardware gains new abilities, and with that, a bit more usefulness and an extended lifespan.

The sad thing about technology is eventually it reaches End Of Life. The world begins moving faster and in an entirely different direction than anything the original developers expected, and supporting the first generation product starts to get expensive and frustrating. The goal of the user stops being about upgrades and new functionality, and instead focuses on just maintaining basic functionality for as long as possible, with as few unexpected system crashes or hardware failures as possible. But the hardware does start to fail, and the OS does get corrupt and, though it still boots up and performs its basic functions, those functions aren’t really compatible with the current landscape or, even worse, they aren’t even necessary.

At this point, the user is faced with the choice of continuing to use the generation 1 tech, or upgrade to generation 2. I mean, it just came out and the developers said they’ve corrected almost everything that was wrong with the first generation. Plus, you can’t even get parts or patches for the old one any more. AND there’re are some great deals to be had, if you just shop around a bit. It’s an inevitability. The new generation product is going to accomplish everything the gen 1 never could and make the users life, hell, THE WORLD so much more amazing. It’s faster, it’s more adaptable, and it already has the architecture for compatibility with hardware and software that are still only in the development phase. Upgrading is the only sensible solution. The gen 2 even looks like the old one. Just… somehow better. Cooler.

However, you shouldn’t throw out the old one just yet. Toss it in a drawer in case you ever need to transfer any files or settings to the new one. Remember, not everything comes preinstalled.

NEWS:
My new podcast Potter & Daughter is live now! You can download the first episode here or subscribe via RSS or iTunes.

Fancy Patreon Patrons get each episode a week early! My daughter and I made it together, I’m really proud of it and I hope you enjoy it.

Use code 10offhoodies to get $10 off any and all hoodies in the HE store! Use it as many times as you like.

…

NEW ITEMS: The book sale is going very well, by which I mean you have bought most of the books that I own for about what I paid for them, so I don’t have to burn them. Putting them in the hands of Fancy Bastards as opposed to destroying them is preferable. The ones I don’t own will be donated by Explosm to a charity that sends comics and books to soldiers. [UPDATE 01/29/15: BOOK 2 IS SOLD OUT!]

I did a fun podcast called Compulsory, which deals with makers and artists and why they’re compelled to do what they do. I got really exited and talked a bunch and only let the host ask 3 questions. Sorry if it sounds rambling, but I have a lot to say when someone asks me about my weird job.

Over the weekend my Patreon passed the $1750 milestone, so my new podcast “Potter & Daughter” will debut in February. You can learn more about it here.

]]> https://hijinksensue.com/comic/first-of-all-i-wanna-thank-my-connect/feed/ 18 6667 https://hijinksensue.com/comic/buttcoin/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/buttcoin/#comments Mon, 05 May 2014 11:20:15 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=5893

A reader emailed me one time and said they wanted to donate a Bitcoin to me. At the time they were worth around $160 of non-pretend (but, honestly, ACTUALLY pretend) US currency. I replied back stating that I was not a robot, and did not have a data port installed for cryptocurrency upload, nor did I understand how to convert a gifted Bitcoin into, say, an Amazon gift card or something besides an abstract digital concept. That reader never replied. Now Bitcoins are worth several times what they were back then, but still no one has figured out how to spend them.

As far as I understand, Bitcoins are like if you could spend your Twitter followers. Which means Dogecoins are like if your job payed you in upvotes. Actually Dogecoins, a silly joke currency for digital laughs and dogeital ha ha’s, are now  apparently real money, so I guess we just aren’t taking the concept of currency seriously anymore as a species. Whatever man. Do what you want, I guess. “Live and let spiral helplessly into gullible digital financial ruin,” is what I always say.

COMMENTERS: I suppose everything you see on the Internet is currency now. Please make up your own Internet trope or meme-based monies in the comments. Also, please let me know if you’ve ever successfully earned, kept and spent a Bitcoin. HOW DO YOU EVEN DO IT?

Patrons got to read this comic (in a half finished state) a day early.

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I wrote at least three different comics about “Darmok.” I am definitely making at least one of them, but I haven’t decided if I’m going to save it for later or just do it now. I also haven’t decided if I’m just going to give up HijiNKS ENSUE and FANEURYSM and just make Darmok comics every day until I’m dead. Decisions are tough. It feels like that one time… with Temba… and the arms or whatever. Metaphors are also tough.

As much as I love “Darmok,” I do take issue with it. Actually, I take a metric assload of issue with it. Let’s assume that at some point the Tamarians didn’t talk like stupid idiots. They HAD to have regular language at some point in order to pass down the stories that allow their metaphors to be relatable. So perhaps they gave up on coherent speech as a people at some point and the Head Tamarian In Charge said, “Guys, here me out. We all know about Darmok, and Temba, and Shaka and what they were all about and what not. How’s about when I finish THIS SENTENCE, we only speak in reference to our shared cultural stories from here on out starrrrrtiiiiiinnnnnng…. NOW?”

I’m sure it worked out great for maybe a day or two, and everyone felt super cool about their complicated new way of not really communicating very well, and how funny it was that they were super frustrating to every other species in the Galaxy, but then… THEN someone needed to find a way to say, “Hey, I think I dropped the remote behind the couch when I was vacuuming. Can you reach back there and check? I would, but you know how my back is.” Then it was just kill or be killed. I wouldn’t be surprised if Captain Dathon and his crew were the last six surviving Tamarians. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were only six of them left and they had JUST started talking this way maybe 6 weeks ago.

Of course it makes a hell of a lot more sense if you consider that maybe they only speak that way in adulthood, or in formal settings, or if they belong to a particular religion are political affiliation, or if they are high born or when they want to infuriate an uncharacteristically dense in this particular episode Starfleet Captain until they are eaten by an invisible monster in order to prove a point.

If you missed the first FANEURYSM comic, it is HERE. If you missed what FANEURYSM is all about, read this excerpt from the previous blog post:

HERE COMES FANEURYSM! 
I’ve decided to start making a new, supplemental comic, in the vein of the old LoFi-Jinks comics, which will serve as the comic that “comic Joel” actually makes in the HEniverse. […] I’m starting off with a few comics about Star Trek: TNG to serve as the basis for the conversation in THIS HE comic.

Check out the new comic navigation beneath the comics! 

You can now more easily navigate between the different kinds of comics (HE, Faneurysm, HE Classic, LoFi, Guest Comics, Photo Comics and Con Sketches) with the “Prev. Cat” and “Next Cat.” buttons. You can also click the archive button to be taken to a list of categories with descriptions for each.

Today, Monday June 3rd is my birthday! I am 32 years older than some dumb baby that was just born today. SUCK ON THAT, BABY! I can drive and rent a car and get car insurance and… do other stuff that involves cars. If you want to say “HAPPY FANCY BIRTHDAY!” might I suggest sharing HE with your friends via your link medium of choice? Might I also point you to my Amazon Wishlist and my donation page? I might? Well, good then. I just did. CELEBRATE ME FOREVER!!!

Lar made this for my birthday because he loves me… and also he might hate me… and you… and people with eyes.

Yahoo buying Tumblr is like Napster buying Spotify. Or did Napter eventually become Spotify? After the 4th or 5th sell off and rebranding I kind of lost track. I know for a while it was a brand of pocket internet radios and vacuum sealers to keep deli meats and cheeses fresh.

It’s weird to watch a company with no real relevance or identity struggle to recapture some perceived essential usefulness in the mind of the online public that they lost a decade ago. I say it’s weird because any other company that didn’t survive the DotCom bubble and come out with billions would just disappear into total obscurity. Yahoo somehow persists, buying things people like, ruining them then wondering why we move to a different table when they sit next to us at lunch.

COMMENTERS: Are you worried Yahoo is going to ruin Tumblr? Do you care? Haven’t Tumblr users been doing a pretty good job of ruining Tumblr by themselves? Has any site, service or brand you’ve loved gotten better after a buyout?

Comments (34) 

@BenMS· 104 weeks ago

The thing Josh is putting vodka and chocolate sauce on – is it mac’n’cheese? It looks amazing.

On topic, Yahoo buying Tumblr is basically going to have to result in the significant watering down of Tumblr. I can’t remember where I read this, but I’ll quote: “A significant minority of Tumblr is soft-core porn, and at least a single-digit percentage of it is hardcore porn.” Yahoo won’t be able to square that away with its shareholders easily.

8 replies · active 104 weeks ago

Candace· 104 weeks ago

It looks like it might be Fritos to me. There is a long, proud tradition of putting stuff on Fritos and making something even more awesome than just plain Fritos.

hijinksensue· 104 weeks ago

It’s definitely mac n’ cheese.

Tom327Cat· 104 weeks ago

No it’s not, It is Mac and Cheese and Chocolate and Vodka. Seriously Joel, you need to keep up, after all, you are writing the darn thing.

@lzyglutenfremom· 104 weeks ago

why doesn’t he just buy the store brand chocolate vodka mac and cheese?? it’s so much easier, and comes in bulk packages…

Tom327Cat· 104 weeks ago

Go with the name brands on that, You will always be disappointed buying the Kroger or Safeway stuff.
Ugh, don’t even get me started on Kirkland’s Best Mac n’ Choc n’ Vod ‘n Cheese.

Sam· 104 weeks ago

Yahoo has shareholders? huh. Who knew.

@JBSiegelMD· 104 weeks ago

Joel….Joel…Joel… You know that Josh and chocolate-anything don’t go together…. Peanut butter and vodka would be a Josh-winning combo though…. IRL Josh ordered the Frito Bandito chili and frito burger at Twisted Root last weekend and had them add peanut butter… I kind of threw up a little

hijinksensue· 104 weeks ago

I thought about being true to reality, but I decided comic Josh, like every other regular human, likes chocolate.

James· 104 weeks ago

The good about Yahoo buying Tumblr: One less site with a poorly chosen name I have to worry about not caring about.

The bad about Yahoo buying Tumblr: I forgot.

Will Tumblr survive? Not if Yahoo tries to put their login page in front of it… Seriously.. who coded that thing? It wasn’t a code monkey (*sings* maybe manager wanna write god damn login page himself)… it’s the only page I’ve ever been to on my phone that seems to be intentionally written to be completely useless from a mobile device.

@JustinHoskie· 104 weeks ago

No, I’m not worried about it at all. If I’m correct, and I believe I am, the reason the buy-out happened in the first place is because the site was starting to cost too much to run, and it was either sell it to someone and have them worry about the bills, or just shut it down.

As it stands now, Yahoo has agreed to let Tumblr run as an independent company and not mess with it; the terms and conditions aren’t changing, and there isn’t gonna be a major shake-up in terms of who runs it.

Tumblr is gonna be fine. It has too much fan-girling, pizza, and smut not to be.

Candace· 104 weeks ago

I think Chipotle got better after McDonald’s spun them off.

thevoxpopuli· 104 weeks ago

I know it’s not the point of the comic but the slightly out of focus Josh in the background of panel two is amazeaballs. I love little art things like this.

1 · active 104 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 104 weeks ago

Hey thanks! I try to make it interesting to look at.

Junkyard· 104 weeks ago

Hah, this is fantastic! My first genuine laugh-out-loud moment from a webcomic in a while.

1 · active 104 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 104 weeks ago

Thanks!

@ShayneF· 104 weeks ago

“It was four things. Trust me.” I’m gonna be chuckling all damn day.

1 · active 104 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 104 weeks ago

I was happy with that line too.

Bill Murphy· 104 weeks ago

I’ve never used Tumblr, but hearing that they are in trouble makes me glad I didn’t focus any time on it.

Sam· 104 weeks ago

“Yahoo somehow persists, buying things people like, ruining them then wondering why we move to a different table when they sit next to us at lunch.”

That. is. Gold.

Happy Birthday Joel.

2 replies · active 104 weeks ago

lou· 104 weeks ago

Who else did they buy?

hijinksensue· 104 weeks ago

Most notedly flickr.

@bucknam· 104 weeks ago

Yahoo! is just buying anything with a missing vowel in it, since it has a surfeit of them in its name. This way Flickr can become Flickyr and Tumblr can become Tumbloor, leaving Yahoo! a somewhat smaller but still somewhat pronounceable Ah!

Snag· 104 weeks ago

Tumblr was ruined the moment it went live.

Kryss LaBryn· 104 weeks ago

Gotten better after a buy-out? Not that I’m aware of. Gotten worse? Yeah, a buy-out ruined my perfect job.

It was well-paid, and got me in amazing shape; I really liked it. But then it got bought out by a huge American, and very litigation-conscious, firm, and went straight to hell. Suddenly we all had to wear hard hats and steel toed boots, even in the parking lot, and all the middle management guys who had been fairly relaxed beforehand suddenly were (legitimately) in fear of their jobs and cracked down on us like a tonne of bricks.

This in a place where the equivalent rules beforehand went “No open-toed shoes out on the floor.” And pants, while encouraged, seemed to be pretty optional.

Yeah, I kind of hate buy-outs. Also, Cargill sucks.

Daniel J. Hogan· 104 weeks ago

It didn’t bother me when Yahoo! bought Tumblr, as I only causally use it to begin with. I am interested to see what happens though.

Ryan· 104 weeks ago

I think you meant ensure instead of insure in the third panel.

1 · active 104 weeks ago

hijinksensue· 104 weeks ago

yikes.

Sam· 104 weeks ago

It’s technical, so probably most folks won’t understand it, but yeah… most of my career I’ve worked with ColdFusion. It was created by Allaire Corp which was later bought by Macromedia, who made it a whole lot better and then Macromedia was bought by Adobe who also made it a whole lot better. Each company in turn was larger and more popular than the one before and each company in turn did real well by the product.

lou· 104 weeks ago

I’m not a tumblr user or visit it very often, so I don’t have a strong opinion one way or the other (I sound like I’m from the Neutral planet from Futurama). As for a service getting better after a buyout, did youtube get better or worse after Google bought them? But troubles with cartoons aside, Disney buying Marvel really didn’t change much. They kept on like they been doing since before.

Oh, and happy birthday, Joel!

Siirenias· 104 weeks ago

I…never really understood what Tumblr is. I don’t get it, and I shrug non-commitally, as if someone asked me about football or something.

Chipotle unsold-out. I think that’s the closest thing I can think of. Some years ago, McDonalds went through a process of tidying up, selling stocks that they did not want. So, Chipotle, who sold their stock in order to fund them in the beginning, had the golden opportunity of purging that stain upon their reputation. They seized that opportunity, and bought back that stock. Years later…soft corn tortillas and lime cilantro lime rice.

Things are looking up.

1 · active 104 weeks ago

Siirenias· 104 weeks ago

*lime cilantro BROWN rice.

Liam· 104 weeks ago

I don’t even know what Tumbler is.

1 · active 97 weeks ago

emperorbailey· 97 weeks ago

It’s what you put rocks in to polish them.

The World Wide Web is 20! They grow up so fast. Seems like only yesterday he was sticking erotic playing cards in the spokes of his bike and now he’s graduating boner pill college and marrying a sexy sorority slut in your home town who’s waiting for you.

NEWS FROM THE FUTURE! [Posted 5/9/13]

Here are things you should know about: 

• You can now read HijiNKS ENSUE (and a crap load of other fine comics) on the Official iOS app of webcomics, Comics Chameleon. It’s free and has a pretty slick interface and it supports the creators of the comics it displays (unlike EVERY OTHER webcomic app in the app store).
• Phoenix Comicon is in 2 weeks (May 23-26)! I will be there with David Willis at Booth 1749.
• Speaking of David, he is kickstarting his new Dumbing Of Age book, for which I wrote the foreword. It’s already funded, but you should back the hell out it anyway.
• Hopefully tomorrow I’ll have an announcement regarding my involvement with the Cyanide and Happiness Show.
• LAST THING! HijiNKS ENSUE turns 6 on Saturday (May 11). If you have an idea for a piece of HE related fan art (using any medium), I will announce a Fancy Bastard Fancy Fan Art Contest on Friday. The winner (chosen by me) will get prizes! Get to arting!

COMMENTERS: What was your very first experience with The Internet (I know the WWW isn’t exactly THE INTERNET, but hey… whatever)? What type of machine was it on? When did you first use the Internet/WWW and realize that it was going to change basically everything about how society operates?

I’ve been meaning to watch Veronica Mars for several years, but I’ve never actually gotten around to it. I guess I should get on that.

I’m always happy when someone finds a way to circumvent the established systems that are in place for keeping people from getting their creativity out to the people that would appreciate it. Garageband, iTunes, YouTube, Kickstarter and a host of other softwares and services (including the Internet in general) that mostly didn’t exist a decade ago exist, in part, to shake up the status quo of the creative industrial complex and break down the barriers between content creators and their fans. They also exist to make large amounts of money for their owners and shareholders.

See, that’s the thing. The systems by which creative people are given license and funds to create a thing and distribute it to their audience aren’t changing all that much. It’s just that we’re slowly removing redundancies, levels of arbitrary approvals, and decreasing the number of obsolete middlemen in order to take a 50 step process down to a 5 step one. I want to make this. Do you want it? Ok, give me money and I’ll do it and then you can have it. Here, I made it like I said I would. Thanks. That’s pretty much how it’s always been, accept now those are the ONLY steps (in most cases), instead of just the major milestones between dozens of other, smaller ones. That isn’t to say creating a thing like a show or a book or an album doesn’t require hundreds of steps, and hours and often times people. It’s just that there are fewer INDIVIDUALS that can tell you, “No. Stop this,” and you’d actually have to stop.

 The Veronica Mars Kickstarter (which funded on its first day and is currently hovering over $3 million) is a different beast than your typical crowd funded project. Instead of a person or team with an idea to make a thing, and all they need is money and time, this is a studio owned property that’s jammed up sideways with the typical Hollywood bullshit red tape. Rob Thomas doesn’t own his show, which means some WB exec said, “We’re not going to give you $2 million to make a movie for a cancelled show that no one cares about. Come at me with a pitch for an adapted fairy tale but with hot teens and we’ll talk business. Now it’s TIME FOR COCAINE!” And Rob Thomas said, “A) I do not front Matchbox 20. That is a DIFFERENT dude. And B) How about I get the Internet to give you $2 milly? Then can we do our movie?” And that exec probably replied, “SURE WHATEVER IS IT HOT IN HERE TO YOU IT’S PRETTY HOT TO ME I DON’T THINK IT WAS THIS HOT BEFORE I DID ALL THIS COOOOCAAAAAAAAAIIIIINNNNNNNNNE!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! AAAAAAAAAAGHGHGHGLGLGLGLG!!!!!”

I honestly forgot what I was writing about during that last part, so I’ll wrap up by saying that this is the first step in a BIG BIG change in how very expensive projects get made or whether they get made at all. There will certainly be some (probably A LOT) of people that take this idea and try to replicate its success in extremely dumb ways, but there will probably also be quite a few worthy projects that get off the ground because of it. I don’t think we’ll get a Serenity 2: Zombie Wash In Space from Kickstarter any time soon, but I bet we get a few more proper finales to some unduly truncated TV shows. It’s a BIG baby step in the right direction.

• ‘Veronica Mars’ Just Changed the Movie Business
• ‘Veronica Mars’ Kickstarter Sets Pledging Record
• 8 sci-fi series we wish would use Kickstarter to come back to TV
• Dear God What Have We Done: Kickstarter could help fund a Chuck movie next

COMMENTERS: First off, are you psyched for this Veronica Mars movie? Did you love the show or overlook it as “Buffy without monsters” like I did? Second thing: What property do you think would best benefit from a Kickstarter resurrection? A cancelled show, a long rumored and eventually shelved movie project? A video game sequel that never happened?

NEWT FOR PRESIDENT!!! GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU BITCH!!!

I wish there was even an ounce of exaggeration in this comic. Of the last 20 things I’ve sold on Craigslist the other party has flaked out with no reply or response of any kind at least 15 times. Some of them have gone so far as to schedule a pickup time and place and simply not show. You… you just can’t do that to people. You can’t just fuck with peoples’ lives like that. I mean, you KNOW I am sitting in that Target parking lot off the freeway and you don’t even bother to let me know that you just aren’t coming? That’s sociopathic behavior. That’s worse than murder and should be punished accordingly.

One guy went as far as to tell me he was coming to get whatever I was selling (probably something computer related), call me when he was on the way, call me AGAIN telling me he was close and STILL NOT SHOW UP! What happened to him? Was he kidnapped by a family of Yeti? Was he completely incased in cement and buried on the Moon? Did he simply just cease to be? WAS HE EVER REAL TO BEGIN WITH?! IS CRAIGSLIST EVEN A REAL THING?! Oh, right… all those hookers got murdered, so it must be real. But that hooker murderer went to jail. These flake-out, no-show pieces of shit just get to go on with their merry, narcissistic lives. That isn’t justice and it isn’t America. In the Founding Fathers’ day, if you placed an ad in the local almanac offering to trade your silver smithery services in exchange for a gently used ox yoke or a half hour of discrete accompaniment to the alley behind Ye Olde Denny’s and you didn’t hold up your part of the bargain, they would chop your head off with a crossbow! Do you know how long that would take? A really god damn long time.

My daughter has been drawing characters from the Tiny Titans comics and I have been posting them on my Tumblr. They are, in a word, cutedorable.

Some website is doing a webcomics March Madness with over 100 comics. I am on the list and I am currently against a comic called Trenches. I only know of about 10 comics on the list, and I don’t care about the outcome, but it’s neat to see your friends win stuff, even if it’s silly. Go vote or whatever.

COMMENTERS: Am I alone? Is it just me? Does my email give off some kind of “I am not a person and do not serve common courtesy” vibe? Have you ever had this experience with Craigslist, eBay or any other type of classified ad situation? What about crazy Craigslist stories? Do you ever think people buy cheap stuff on Craigslist just to case your house for eventual home invasion? No? Just me? Well you do now.

NEWT FOR PRESIDENT!!! GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU BITCH!!!

I’m not saying the Internet is making us more stupid. On the contrary. It’s just making us SOUND more stupid. Now if you will pardon me, I have to go update my Frangbo.

COMMENTERS: Have you ever found yourself uttering an Internet-born word or phrase with complete sincerity only to realize later how incredibly dumb it sounded? I still don’t like to say “he Tweeted me” or “they @’d me” in real conversation. I will usually take the long way around to “_____ said this on Twitter.” Alternately, please make up some more fake-but-totally-plausible-sounding social media services. 

You can now purchase a super high quality 11×17″ print of any HE comic by clicking the “Buy A Print” button between the “Previous” and “Next” buttons in the navigation menu. If you don’t see it, try refreshing your browser cache.

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic]

In other, more shocking news, there is still a thing called Napster. This comic was unwittingly co-written/co-tweeted by Josh A. Cagan, a writer who hails from Satan’s very bosom, L.A. We were introduced by Wil Wheaton at w00tstock SDCC this year and our twitter accounts have been inextricably linked ever since. I give you a strong “FOLLOW” recommendation on the grounds that he is consistently hilarious.

• Breaking: Rhapsody to buy Napster from Best Buy

COMMENTERS: Please construct your own headline + tagline combo of equal contemporary relevance to “Rhapsody buys Napter. Entire Internet abuzz with indifference, yawns.” I wonder what Pets.com is up to these days. Also, feel free to share stories of using now obsolete services (online or otherwise).

GUEST WEEK AND NYCC!!!
GUYS! I am going to be at New York Comic-Con with Blind Ferret next weekend  (10-14 to 10-16). I will have books 1 and 2, T-Shirts (including the new “Winter Is Coming” shirt and maybe a debut of another new shirt), stickers, sketches and prints. I am going to be staying in Brooklyn so I hope to hit up the Doctor Who themed bar, The Way Station. Maybe we can do a bit of an informal Fancy Bastard Meetup there.

While I am gone, I will be running a few guest comics created just for you by several of my webcomicing cohorts (Paul Southworth, Sam Logan, Randy Milholland and Alina Pete). Based on what I’ve seen so far, this will be the most epic HE guest week ever.

If you are new to the site and you dig this comic, you might like some more comics about Doctor Who, Apple, Tech, Sci-Fi, featuring Chris Hardwick or our mutual friend Wil Wheaton. Also, the HIJINKS ENSUE STORE is a place where you can buy nerdy T-shirts and stuff.

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

STORE NEWS: The HijiNKS ENSUE Store is closed for a few weeks so I can make some big, exciting changes. [READ MORE HERE] In the meantime you can still get shirts from Sharksplode and HE Book 2 from this very site.

[Posted 6/22/11 ] I’m still a few comics behind. Thanks for your patience.

This comic is part true story, and part half-imagined night terror. Seriously, this comic is like when you first wake up and try to remember your dream. The ideas are there but you can feel them slipping away by the second. Is… is that your father? No… it’s Mr. T, but he is SUPPOSED to be your father. Well, that’s what writing it was like, at least. I’ve read it at least a dozen times and I can’t come up with a decent explanation for the sheer level of unsheathed bizzarre let loose in its panels. Did they somehow weaponize an airborne version of Four Loko? Am I  “Wide Awake Drunk [TM]” and comicing? Am I currently in a Navajo sweat lodge, purifying my soul with peyote as this comic is whispered to me by the King Of All Raccoons? Was it something as pedestrian as lack of sleep? Nah, it’s probably the magic raccoon thing.

The nugget of honesty is this unwinding tapestry of madness comes from the fact that I wanted to watch Return of the Living Dead III at my birthday party (it’s FANTASTICALLY terrible) and Josh couldn’t find it on his super secret, private, special space cadet decoder ring bit torrent site. He also refused to download it from a public torrent because he’s so above that and better than the rest of us. I’ve probably gotten him in trouble with Anonymous of Lulzsec or whoever just by mentioning that such a site even exists. Oh well.

As to why I had the Ernest movies on the brainparts, I cannot discern. Again, I’m looking to the Raccoon King for answers, but all I’m getting are scraps of river-washed apple spit at me and tiny, deep claw wounds on my face.

COMMENTERS: I challenge you to 1) Come up with the Ernest movies of the last 10 years that Jim Varney never got to make and/or 2) Put Ernest in other classic movies. For instance Schindler’s List becomes Ernest Goes to Concentration Camp. Roots becomes Ernest Slaves Christmas. Wow, those were both really offensive. That just sort of happened. Sorry.

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

BIG NEWS! The HijiNKS ENSUE Store will be shutting down for a while so I can make some big exciting changes. If there is a shirt you want, and you DON’T WANT to wait until sometime after San Diego Comicon, you should probably buy it now. This week will be your last chance for a at least a few weeks. Please check out this blog post to see which designs won’t be coming back in case you want one of those.

NEWS2: You can hear me briefly on this ABC Australia podcast, Nerdzilla, talking about X-Men: First Class. The full interview will be posted sometime next week.

NEWS 3: I have donated a copy of HijiNKS ENSUE Volume 2: My Heart Is A Hate-Filled Pineapple to be auctioned off by the Toronto Chapter of Can’t Stop The Serenity. It features THIS SKETCH. The auction is June 18th.

NEWS 4: The story I recorded for the Machine Of Death Podcast, “Loss Of Blood,” can be downloaded NOW. It’s been so long since I recorded it that I can’t remember if I sucked or not. Either way the story is very cool.

I really don’t have any idea what Bitcoins are, but I’m pretty sure they’re going to usher in the economicopalypse. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be in my bunker where I’ve been hoarding canned beets and D cell batteries… both for their nutritional content.

• Bitcoin: a new “peer-to-peer currency”
• BitCoin skeptics and boosters debate
• Gawker on Silk Road, the Bitcoin-driven underground marketplace
• Technical analysis of BitCoin‘s centralization

COMMENTERS: I seriously don’t understand Bitcoins. Like, not at all.

“The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here!

NEW HE PODCAST – Episode 83 “Ass Merkins”

UPDATE 4/28/11: Some of you are upset that I’ve taken this position. Let me assure you that I wasn’t trying to just jump on the “hate Scott Adams” bandwagon. I read what he wrote and I thought it was in REALLY poor taste. Sure it may have been out of context or intended for a certain audience, but unfortunately he posted it on the Internet for everyone to see. And regarding the whole “sock-puppet #1 Fan” thing, I don’t think he’s a horrible creep for doing that. Just a regular creep. The mentality of “time to go do my daily defending of myself on the Internet using a different identity” is just a lame, sad activity. I feel bad for him honestly. He might actually be a happier guy if he had a smaller niche audience. Then he really could just talk to one subset of people that understood his comments towards women weren’t as misogynist as they sounded. I certainly know what it is to say something outrageous for comedic effect, knowing good and well I don’t really feel that way. But if I got called out on something like that on such a grand scale I would apologize and move on. Just my thoughts on the matter. Maybe I came off as too harsh. Maybe I’m not familiar enough with the subject matter. I am willing to concede that. I have also toned down some of the language in the post below to be more in line with how I actually feel and less outrageous. I should also point out that all I really wanted to do was use the “posting about yourself on forums” aspect of the story to make a joke about Josh doing the same thing. That’s why over 2/3 of the comic deals with that aspect and not with Adams.

Thanks,

Joel

I guess Scott Adams is kind of like the Michael Richards of cartoonists. If he could have just kept his mouth shut, he would have faded into reasonably likable obscurity. Now we have the unfortunate burden of knowing that he’s a bit of a misogynist, and egomaniac.

These days I don’t find Dilbert inspiring, or entertaining. It’s about as base as comics get (hell, it was nearly impossible to try to mimic Adams’ completely rigid and emotionless drawing style for the comic above), which doesn’t suit my tastes. When I was an adolescent I did look up to Adams, though. He was spreading nerd culture to the masses just as I was learning to take apart computers, and he was able to leave his IT career and turn his hobby (passion?) into his job. Both admirable feats, in my mind.

• ‘Dilbert’ Creator Scott Adams Compares Women Asking for Equal Pay to Children Demanding Candy
• Elaborately Self-Justified Sock Puppets Are Still Sock Puppets
• Metafilter’s Josh Millard on NPR about the Scott Adams incident

I even had a newfound respect for him a few years ago when I learned about him permanently losing his voice, then retraining his brain to speak as if he was singing (he had to trick his brain or else it would not let him speak). I just thought that was a cool thing to do, and a nice little story about not giving up, etc, etc. Now I have a harder time respecting the guy. Seems like he’s a little full of himself and reacts poorly when cornered (though, I may have done the same in his place. Who knows?) The safest bet would have just been to apologize and move on.

COMMENTERS: Do you care if a cartoonist is makes seemingly misogynist comments? Would it stop you from reading his comic? Would it stop you from reading mine if I acted the same way? How about a sandwich? Have you eaten? You look thin. Let me make you a sandwich.

HEY! Check out this interview I did for Hollywood Jane.

ALSO HEY! Check out this interview my friend Tom Brislin did for The Functional Nerds Podcast. He does all the music for the HE Podcast and he’s one of my favorite people.

If you are waiting on your copy of HE Book 2, PLEASE READ THIS!!!

Groverfield T-Shirt and MORE in the HijiNKS ENSUE STORE!

Thanks to a little RT bump from Admiral Wheaton himself I crossed 5000 followers on Twitter last night. The comic above was inspired by the tweets that followed my little milestone, which seemed somehow fitting. Like scattering the ashes of a guy that like to surf in a shark’s mouth or something.

ANOTHER THING: A lot of you have tweeted, emailed or otherwise alerted me to a comic which has received a lot of press in the last couple of days that bears a striking resemblance to my “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic. The guy that drew it is Adam Koford. He is one of my favorite cartoonists, an incredible talent and a really nice guy to boot. I’ve talked to him and it seems that it really was a case of “same idea/same time.” Adam admits that mine went up first, but this was in no way a ripoff type situation. I actually find it kind of astounding that we did this in the same random week considering that neither Peanuts, nor Doctor Who are current, topical items. Either way no harm, no foul.

For those interested a shirt of my design is in the works, so stay tuned. Also, here’s a preview of my new convention flyer.

COMMENTERS: I’m sure there are more ranks and levels within Twitter. Please give me their names, the number of followers (or the achievement you have to unlock to acquire the title), and the perks or punishments involved.

CHECK IT OUT: I put a desktop version of the “You’re The Last Of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic in The Vault.

You can donate or become a subscriber to get access.

AND MY AXE!
MEEEEDLY MEEEEEDLY SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
ALL NEW REDESIGNED “AND MY AXE” SHIRTS ARE IN THE STORE!

Last chance for Ladies Heather Grey “And My Axe” shirts!

NEW HE Podcast in which we discuss the possibility of Nathan Fillion buying Firefly.

OMG EMERALD CITY COMICON IS THIS WEEKEND!!! It is by far my favorite show of the year. Come see me and Angela at booth 307. Here’s a MAP to all the other webcomics I know that will be there. I will be at the Marian Call show in Seattle Thursday night. If any Fancy Bastards are in the audience, feel free to comic up and say hi. Due to my traveling, there will an unusual comic schedule this week. Probably a guest comic and maybe a few more Lo-FiJINKS comics than normal await you.

Nathan Fillion wields a strange power over geeks. If he were to tweet the word “jump” we would probably knock the Earth off its axis. But no amounts of tweeting or jumping or wishing or clapping can bring Firelfy back from the dead. At least not the way it was. Most of the actors have moved on and many of them (including Captain Castle) into a higher pay grade. A few years ago I might have thrown my hat into the “hopeful Browncoat” ring, but the older, wise, more frequently disappointed me just wishes people would stop reopening the wound.

I suppose there is one way we could raise enough money to force Fox to give up the rights to Firefly. We could sell Charlie Sheens moon-sized balls for their weight in… sperm, I guess. It does have monitory value. At this point in his meltdown cycle, when Charlie finally bursts into actual flames from snorting cocaine and kerosene out of the barrel of a machine gun, I expect a new baby Sheen will rise from the ashes. A Sheenix, if you will. Will you? Excellent.

• Nathan Fillion and Firefly’s writers are ready continue the show
• Help Nathan Fillion buy Firefly [Browncoats Unite]
• Nathan Fillion tells fans not to send him money for Firefly
• Rothfuss pledges to buy Firefly from Fox and give it away

COMMENTERS: If the planets aligned and you could really have more Firefly (on actual TV), would you really still want it at this point? I’m sure the answer is a resounding yes (followed by a string of incoherent Chinese cursing), but I can conceive of a world where there are people that feel the show ran it’s course. In this fanciful scenario where the actors were available and affordable, as was Joss, what would you want to see? The River Tam storyline is rather resolved, so where should the weekly adventures of the crew of the Serenity go from there? Don’t take the comics into consideration when you answer this one.

Sharktopus Vs. DinoVampire Vs. CyberYeti!
The Science Fiction TV-Movie Title Generator Shirt!!!

I posted a “Friday” comic yesterday. If you missed it, HERE it is.

Radiohead are calling their nontraditional bundling of “things” and “stuff” with their new record the world’s first “Newspaper Album.” I have no idea what that title is supposed to represent, but I support the idea that all future Radiohead releases be named after dying industries. How about the “Dial Up Album,” “The U.S. made Automobile Album” and “The Rigid Airship Album?” Maybe it’s like a newspaper because you have to rifle through a bunch of other shit to find the thing you want, and all these little cards and pieces of paper are likely to fall on the floor while you’re searching. Or maybe the “625 pieces of tiny artwork” are just coupons for Tide and Del Monte Green Beans.

More Radiohead stuff: ALL Radiohead fans must acquire and enjoy “Rodeohead” [by @nerdist and @phirm]. One time I covered a Radiohead song and put it up on the Yourtubes.

Oh, and yes that is a Machine Of Death reference in panel 3. The slip of paper says “Stabbed By A Dog.”

• Radiohead Release New Album ‘The King of Limbs’ One Day Early
• Radiohead‘s new album, King of Limbs, ready for download Feb. 19
• Radiohead’s ‘The King Of Limbs’: A Track-by-Track Breakdown
• Radiohead Fans Create Dozens of ‘Dancing Thom Yorke’ Videos

Commenters: What other package tiers and prizes should Radiohead offer? What other bands would benefit from this type of distribution and what would their offerings be?

LAST CHANCE FOR “KEEP YOUR LAWS OFF MY OVIPOSITOR SHIRTS”!!!
They are only $15! They will never be printed again, so get ’em while you can.

Some of the Fancy Bastards and I played a Twitter game Thursday night with the hashtag #StarWarsBands. Fun times were had by all. I came up with the idea for the meme on the way home from picking up dinner that night, jotted a few notes in my phone, then started posting them as soon as I got home. Unbeknownst to me, another Twitterer had started the same meme the night before. Maybe it’s just a constantly perpetuating meme with no beginning or end. Dexie’s Midnight Kessel Runners, Prince And The New Power Converter, and May The Force Be With Uriah Heep! See what I mean?

Feel free to add your own Star Wars Bands in THE COMMENTS, but make sure your idea hasn’t already been done.

Thanks to these Fancy Tweeters who’s contributions made it into this comic: WTFisCLB, cartergilson, TheAlucinaut, DRCroston, Hermetic,
d20monkey, vemene, sandchigger, and Sir_Stepho.

“I… I didn’t realize I had gotten so many followers. I’m… sorry. So sorry.”

“WHAT DOES IT MATTER NOW, HARDWICK?! THEY ALL KNOW! DON’T YOU SEE, YOU BASTARD?! THEY ALL KNOW ABOUT THE SANDWICH AND WE CAN NEVER PUT THE GENIE BACK IN THE BOTTLE! IT’S OVER. IT’s all… over… [weeps]”

And scene.

I hate to admit it, but this Facebook movie, The Social Network, looks pretty good. I hate that there is a compelling story behind the creation of one of the main things I dislike about The Internet. Facebook is one of the nearly necessary evils that seems to foil your every attempt to find actual usability in it. It has unfeatures.

Since I used @nerdist in this comic I should ad least encourage you to listen to his podcast which I enjoy quite a bit. Comedy nerds and fans of people that make a living doing their own thing are sure to enjoy.

Commenters! Post more scenes from the Twitter movie why don’t ya?

Also, do me a favor and sign up for  a free Dropbox account so I can get more storage to send my prints to the printer.

If you want to see some alternate artwork for this comic that didn’t make the cut or read my original script idea, head on over to The Vault. Make a small donation via Paypal or subscribe to a monthly donation and get access to desktops, mobile wallpapers, bonus podcasts and lots of behind the scenes art.

• “The Social Network” script puts the Facebook generation on trial [Script Review]
• Want to Download Five Tracks of Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross’ Score for THE SOCIAL NETWORK for FREE?

Yo, Dawg. I heard you liked Transformers... (Bonus art featuring Dave Willis)

Dave Willis (the scruffly guy in the comic above that isn’t me and who is launching a new comic called Dumbing Of Age on Friday) was actually sitting next to me when I had this conversation with myself, so it’s essentially a true story.
[UPDATE: View the Shortpacked panel that Dave and I did]

Dallas Animefest 2010 WAS my first Anime convention (as an attendee or an exhibitor) and though I make my living and spend each day with two feet firmly planted on the internet, there were things there I was not prepared to see. Nothing shocking or (entirely) disturbing… just things I hadn’t mentally or emotionally prepared for. Old, fat, bearded guy dressed as a baby doll comes to mind (and stays there… and won’t leave… ever). He caused me to coin the term “tranime.” Having someone introduce themselves as a “helpful tiger” is also uncommon in my normal, day to day routine.

Despite these cultural disparities I had a blast and would happily go back next year. Thanks to Dave for keeping me company all weekend and J. and Mel from Two Lumps for introducing me to the Pocky-fueled, befursuited world of anime cons.

Dallas Animefest is this Weekend! Come see me, Shortpacked and Two Lumps (plus a bunch of cat-girls and such) all Labor Day Weekend. We will be doing a Webcomic’s panel every day.

It’s Fri Sept 3rd – Mon Sept 6th, 2010 at the Hyatt Regency Dallas at Reunion Tower.

These words, among others, were added to the Oxford English Dictionary, which has abandoned a print edition in favor of an online only format, this year: chillax, bromance, vuvuzela, tweetup, de-friend, frenemy, staycation, steampunk and freemium. That’s right, you are one of the privileged few who were alive to witness the English Language actually BECOME The Internet. Congratulations to us all.

How long will it be until dictionaries are divided by “standard,” “rhyming” and “sexting” editions? I don’t care if the print edition of the OED is dead. As Josh points out in panel one (quoting Sir Egon Spangler), “Print is dead.” It’s more the idea that any dumbass thing we start saying on the interweb (a word that was also added to the OED this year) just magically enters the canon of the English language. Lame, English speaking world. Super lame.

COMMENTERS: Please invent a word or word-mashup and give it’s definition and at least one example of proper usage. The dumbest word will be officially added into my vocabulary.

• Oxford Dictionary Goes Online. Do You Really Care?
• R.I.P the OED: As the world’s greatest dictionary goes out of print, why it spells disaster for everyone who loves words
• Chillax! Bromance! It Must Be New-Words-in-the-Dictionary Day!

That’s it Prince. Prance your princely prance with the Internet. Know it. Love it. Roll around in the fields of wildflowers with it. Oh… uh, don’t touch it there. It’s totally got the herpes. It’s also just lousy with porns.

• Prince Declares Internet Over
• The Artist known as Prince is a luddite
• Prince: “The internet’s completely over.”

The background of panel 3 was inspired by THIS which also inspired THIS [which is amazing].