My Patrons got EIGHT TOTALLY DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF THIS COMIC with totally different jokes!!! WHAT?!?!? I KNOW!!! Dearest Sharksploders, please help me get my Patreon over the $2000 hump. Comics is my full time job, but it doesn’t currently pay full time money. I’ve been doing a lot of freelance work lately (which distracts me from making comics) to make ends […]]]>
My Patrons got EIGHT TOTALLY DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF THIS COMIC with totally different jokes!!! WHAT?!?!? I KNOW!!!
Dearest Sharksploders, please help me get my Patreon over the $2000 hump. Comics is my full time job, but it doesn’t currently pay full time money. I’ve been doing a lot of freelance work lately (which distracts me from making comics) to make ends meet, and I’ve agreed to attend more conventions this year than I really feel comfortable with (which REALLY distracts me from making comics) out of financial fear. Every little bit helps and is QUITE appreciated.
Oh, Wesley, no… you didn’t read the comments, did you? Why would you do that to yourself? You’re a very smart boy. Perhaps the smartest. You’ve got a lot going for you in terms of getting to fly a spaceship, getting to make out with alien girls that sometimes turn into bear monsters and occasionally getting space-drunk with a man-shaped science robot. FOCUS on these aspects of your life, man! Don’t let the haters get you down. Go do a wicked science fair project that creates an artificial singularity or whatever. That sounds like a fun Saturday night, right? Much better than trolling the Internet for opinions that strangers have about you, and your sweaters and your haircut and how sassy you get when the grown up JUST WON’T LISTEN! You’re great, kid. You keep doing you and it will all work out. Maybe someday you’ll catch the attention of an inter dimensional child predator in a windowless space van who will leave a trail of space candy to guide you to his other pants of existence… other PLANES of existence.
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Here’s (I believe) THE FINAL redrawn/recolored FANEURYSM comic. You can see the original here, and read the blog post I wrote back in April 2014 below. The Star Trek: TNG episode “Chain Of Command Pt. 2″ is such a wonderful hour of television. Patrick Stewart just DESTROYS your preconceived notions about cheesy acting in Star Trek or in science fiction […]]]>
Here’s (I believe) THE FINAL redrawn/recolored FANEURYSM comic. You can see the original here, and read the blog post I wrote back in April 2014 below.
The Star Trek: TNG episode “Chain Of Command Pt. 2″ is such a wonderful hour of television. Patrick Stewart just DESTROYS your preconceived notions about cheesy acting in Star Trek or in science fiction in general. He Shakespeares THE SHIT out of that final torture scene. Picard is a man physically and mentally broken, but his will triumphs in the face of unbearable pain and almost total, partial nudity. Cardassians, man. Fucking Cardassians.
Here’s a T-Shirt I made about how much people care about fictional depictions of long past interstellar conflicts.
Here’s another redrawn/recolored FANEURYSM comic. This was one of the first ones I ever did, one of my favorites and the one that probably the fewest people who aren’t me understand. You can see the original here, and read the blog post I wrote back in April 2014 below. I wrote at least three different comics about […]]]>
Here’s another redrawn/recolored FANEURYSM comic. This was one of the first ones I ever did, one of my favorites and the one that probably the fewest people who aren’t me understand. You can see the original here, and read the blog post I wrote back in April 2014 below.
]]>I wrote at least three different comics about “Darmok.” I am definitely making at least one of them, but I haven’t decided if I’m going to save it for later or just do it now. I also haven’t decided if I’m just going to give up HijiNKS ENSUE and FANEURYSM and just make Darmok comics every day until I’m dead. Decisions are tough. It feels like that one time… with Temba… and the arms or whatever. Metaphors are also tough.
As much as I love “Darmok,” I do take issue with it. Actually, I take a metric assload of issue with it. Let’s assume that at some point the Tamarians didn’t talk like stupid idiots. They HAD to have regular language at some point in order to pass down the stories that allow their metaphors to be relatable. So perhaps they gave up on coherent speech as a people at some point and the Head Tamarian In Charge said, “Guys, here me out. We all know about Darmok, and Temba, and Shaka and what they were all about and what not. How’s about when I finish THIS SENTENCE, we only speak in reference to our shared cultural stories from here on out starrrrrtiiiiiinnnnnng…. NOW?”
I’m sure it worked out great for maybe a day or two, and everyone felt super cool about their complicated new way of not really communicating very well, and how funny it was that they were super frustrating to every other species in the Galaxy, but then… THEN someone needed to find a way to say, “Hey, I think I dropped the remote behind the couch when I was vacuuming. Can you reach back there and check? I would, but you know how my back is.” Then it was just kill or be killed. I wouldn’t be surprised if Captain Dathon and his crew were the last six surviving Tamarians. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were only six of them left and they had JUST started talking this way maybe 6 weeks ago.
Of course it makes a hell of a lot more sense if you consider that maybe they only speak that way in adulthood, or in formal settings, or if they belong to a particular religion are political affiliation, or if they are high born or when they want to infuriate an uncharacteristically dense in this particular episode Starfleet Captain until they are eaten by an invisible monster in order to prove a point.
Look at these Harry Potter Owl Post Earrings, Doctor Who Dalek Earrings and Star Wars Lightsaber Earrings my wife made!
Look at them with your eyes, buy them with your hands and jam them into your ears!
I’m at San Diego Comic-con RIGHT NOW at the Cyanide & Happiness booth (#1234)! Come say hi, buy and a print and get a sketch from me and the Explosm boys. Here’s another resurrected and recolored and COMPLETELY redrawn FANEURYSM comic. As I explained here, there are a few FANEURYSM comics that I don’t want to allow to slip into the […]]]>
I’m at San Diego Comic-con RIGHT NOW at the Cyanide & Happiness booth (#1234)! Come say hi, buy and a print and get a sketch from me and the Explosm boys.
Here’s another resurrected and recolored and COMPLETELY redrawn FANEURYSM comic. As I explained here, there are a few FANEURYSM comics that I don’t want to allow to slip into the void of the Internet’s hazy memory, and that fit in nicely with the aesthetic of Sharkzpode. You can see the original, much smaller, and much more blue version HERE.
I showed this comic, as well as some behind the scenes aspects of the creative process to my Patreon Patrons earlier this week.
Wesley obviously wants Picard to be his dad. I always imagine the two of them in that scene from Boogie Nights with Heather Graham and Julianne Moore:
Wesley: “Captain?”
Picard: *comes up from doing a rail of coke off of a deactivated Data’s boner, “Yeah?”
Wesley: “I want you to be my dad. I’m going to ask you if you’re my dad and when I do, I want you to say yes.” *chops up a line with an isolinear optical chip
Picard: “Ok.”
Wesley: “Are YOU my dad?”
Picard: “Yes. YES!”
*both cry into a pile of cocaine while the ship is being overrun by Romulans
Sharksploders: Which fictional character would you like to have for a parent and why?
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I wrote at least three different comics about “Darmok.” I am definitely making at least one of them, but I haven’t decided if I’m going to save it for later or just do it now. I also haven’t decided if I’m just going to give up HijiNKS ENSUE and FANEURYSM and just make Darmok comics […]]]>
I wrote at least three different comics about “Darmok.” I am definitely making at least one of them, but I haven’t decided if I’m going to save it for later or just do it now. I also haven’t decided if I’m just going to give up HijiNKS ENSUE and FANEURYSM and just make Darmok comics every day until I’m dead. Decisions are tough. It feels like that one time… with Temba… and the arms or whatever. Metaphors are also tough.
As much as I love “Darmok,” I do take issue with it. Actually, I take a metric assload of issue with it. Let’s assume that at some point the Tamarians didn’t talk like stupid idiots. They HAD to have regular language at some point in order to pass down the stories that allow their metaphors to be relatable. So perhaps they gave up on coherent speech as a people at some point and the Head Tamarian In Charge said, “Guys, here me out. We all know about Darmok, and Temba, and Shaka and what they were all about and what not. How’s about when I finish THIS SENTENCE, we only speak in reference to our shared cultural stories from here on out starrrrrtiiiiiinnnnnng…. NOW?”
I’m sure it worked out great for maybe a day or two, and everyone felt super cool about their complicated new way of not really communicating very well, and how funny it was that they were super frustrating to every other species in the Galaxy, but then… THEN someone needed to find a way to say, “Hey, I think I dropped the remote behind the couch when I was vacuuming. Can you reach back there and check? I would, but you know how my back is.” Then it was just kill or be killed. I wouldn’t be surprised if Captain Dathon and his crew were the last six surviving Tamarians. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were only six of them left and they had JUST started talking this way maybe 6 weeks ago.
Of course it makes a hell of a lot more sense if you consider that maybe they only speak that way in adulthood, or in formal settings, or if they belong to a particular religion are political affiliation, or if they are high born or when they want to infuriate an uncharacteristically dense in this particular episode Starfleet Captain until they are eaten by an invisible monster in order to prove a point.
If you missed the first FANEURYSM comic, it is HERE. If you missed what FANEURYSM is all about, read this excerpt from the previous blog post:
HERE COMES FANEURYSM!
I’ve decided to start making a new, supplemental comic, in the vein of the old LoFi-Jinks comics, which will serve as the comic that “comic Joel” actually makes in the HEniverse. […] I’m starting off with a few comics about Star Trek: TNG to serve as the basis for the conversation in THIS HE comic.
Check out the new comic navigation beneath the comics!
You can now more easily navigate between the different kinds of comics (HE, Faneurysm, HE Classic, LoFi, Guest Comics, Photo Comics and Con Sketches) with the “Prev. Cat” and “Next Cat.” buttons. You can also click the archive button to be taken to a list of categories with descriptions for each.
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“Chain Of Command Pt. 2” is such a wonderful hour of television. Patrick Stewart just DESTROYS your preconceived notions about cheesy acting in Star Trek or in science fiction in general. He Shakespeares THE SHIT out of that final torture scene. Picard is a man physically and mentally broken, but his will triumphs in the […]]]>
“Chain Of Command Pt. 2” is such a wonderful hour of television. Patrick Stewart just DESTROYS your preconceived notions about cheesy acting in Star Trek or in science fiction in general. He Shakespeares THE SHIT out of that final torture scene. Picard is a man physically and mentally broken, but his will triumphs in the face of unbearable pain and almost total, partial nudity. Cardassians, man. Fucking Cardassians.
If you missed the first FANEURYSM comic, it is HERE. If you missed what FANEURYSM is all about, read this excerpt from the previous blog post:
HERE COMES FANEURYSM!
I’ve decided to start making a new, supplemental comic, in the vein of the old LoFi-Jinks comics, which will serve as the comic that “comic Joel” actually makes in the HEniverse. […] I’m starting off with a few comics about Star Trek: TNG to serve as the basis for the conversation in THIS HE comic.
Check out the new comic navigation beneath the comics!
You can now more easily navigate between the different kinds of comics (HE, Faneurysm, HE Classic, LoFi, Guest Comics, Photo Comics and Con Sketches) with the “Prev. Cat” and “Next Cat.” buttons. You can also click the archive button to be taken to a list of categories with descriptions for each.
PATREON Patrons got to see this comic as soon as it was done, and before it went live on the website. Neat!
HERE COMES FANEURYSM! I’ve decided to start making a new, supplemental comic, in the vein of the old LoFi-Jinks comics, which will serve as the comic that “comic Joel” actually makes in the HEniverse. I just wrote the word “comic” so many times that it lost its meaning. Comic… comic.. yeah, it’s just abstract sounds […]]]>
HERE COMES FANEURYSM!
I’ve decided to start making a new, supplemental comic, in the vein of the old LoFi-Jinks comics, which will serve as the comic that “comic Joel” actually makes in the HEniverse. I just wrote the word “comic” so many times that it lost its meaning. Comic… comic.. yeah, it’s just abstract sounds now. I’m starting off with a few comics about Star Trek: TNG to serve as the basis for the conversation in THIS HE comic.
I love the new story-based comics that I’m making, and the feedback on them has been overwhelmingly positive, but I occasionally miss making pop culture jokes. I’ve decided that “comic Joel” is still making pop culture comics and Faneurysm is his comic’s title. This way I can exorcise my pop culture demons from time to time, and put more things on the site for you to look and laugh at? Makes sense? Cool.
Once I’ve made a few more of these (working on two more right now), I will move them to their own archive outside of the main HE archive. For now, I will probably post them sporadically. Eventually I would like to post them between regular HE comics or on the weekends.
Speaking of Archives, check out the new comic navigation beneath the comics!
You can now more easily navigate between the different kinds of comics (HE, Faneurysm, HE Classic, LoFi, Guest Comics, Photo Comics and Con Sketches) with the “Prev. Cat” and “Next Cat.” buttons. You can also click the archive button to be taken to a list of categories with descriptions for each.
PATREON Patrons: Once I get going with the Faneurysm updates, I will probably alter the rewards tier to involve these comics. I will likely swap out video blogs for Faneurysm comics.
[actually posted on 4/25/14] Still playing catch up and still a week behind on comics. I sketched this comic on a plane and drew it in a Canadian hotel room. Convention permitting, I will be posting some more comics over this weekend. I’ve also got a pretty sweet guest comic lined up for while I’m returning […]]]>
[actually posted on 4/25/14] Still playing catch up and still a week behind on comics. I sketched this comic on a plane and drew it in a Canadian hotel room. Convention permitting, I will be posting some more comics over this weekend. I’ve also got a pretty sweet guest comic lined up for while I’m returning from Calgary Expo on Monday.
CALGARY FANCY BASTARDS!
I will be at Calgary Expo as part of Cyanide & Happiness in booth 622. It’ll be me and Rob Denbleyker doing stick figure dick sketches, and I’ll also have some HE prints and shirts.
RE: This comic
I have made a lot of comics about Star Trek, many of them about TNG. When someone asks me about TNG is like I’m Madonna, it’s 1997 and someone just asked me about Kabbalah. I burst like a dam of interest, enthusiasm and information. Seriously. Try it sometime. Ask me about Data’s journey to become more human. Ask me about Dr. Crusher’s diminished role in Wesley’s life, and how we was a child raised by a bridge crew (AND SCIENCE!). Ask me about how bad Troi was at her job. SPOILERS: She was TERRIBLE at it. Anyway, I freaking love TNG so hard. It’s the one fandom that shaped me the most. I love a lot of made up space stuff, but TNG is the made up space stuff that changed my brain the most. Hell, I dare you to ask me about how much I hate Dr. Pulaski. Go ahead. I DARE YOU.
STORE STUFF!
Some of the shirts in the HE Store on are MAJORLY on sale, because they aren’t going to be printed again. Some are down to the last few sizes. Get ’em while you can! There are also some great PRINTS and POSTERS in the store. Your walls cry out for them.
Apparently they found an extra box of Lil’ Wils hiding in the warehouse, so there’s maybe 50 or 60 of these little dudes left between now and the heat death of The Universe.
COMMENTERS: What made up stuff made the biggest impression on you? Was it made up space stuff? I hope it was made up space stuff.
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The IRL Saturn presentation was yesterday, and Kiddo did great. She presented all her research (this fact was my favorite), passed around the info about our Solar system that Bobak sent her, then she fielded questions from her classmates. One kid asked why they couldn’t walk on the rings of Saturn and she said, “Because […]]]>
The IRL Saturn presentation was yesterday, and Kiddo did great. She presented all her research (this fact was my favorite), passed around the info about our Solar system that Bobak sent her, then she fielded questions from her classmates. One kid asked why they couldn’t walk on the rings of Saturn and she said, “Because my Mommy said so.” Another kid asked why God would make a planet out of gas, Kiddo just sort of stared at her and the teacher popped in with, “He can make anything.” So… yay for science?
BIG BIG NEWS! I have started a Patreon!
Pledge at $3, $5, $10, $20, $50 or $100 a month and you will be supporting me being able to do what I love for a living: Making comics.
With each Milestone Goal you’ll get MORE COMICS EACH WEEK (we are dangerously close to unlocking a real M/W/F update schedule, with 4 and 5 comics per week down the road), more eBooks, more videos, exclusive Google Hangouts and LOTS MORE (maybe even a return of the HijiNKS ENSUE Podcast!). Patreon makes managing the updates and rewards super simple.
Patreon is essentially replacing my Paypal recurring donations, so feel free to switch over. For the full rundown, read my blog post HERE, or just watch the video on MY PATREON PAGE which explains everything in 3.5 minutes. Kiddo has a cameo and it’s crazy adorable.
On the 2nd day we went past $350, so I uploaded this video of me and my daughter covering Adventure Time Songs as a thank you.
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Soory I had a good time in Toronto, eh? I accomplished all of my goals. I attended Fan Expo and spoke to some nice northern Fancy Bastards, I ate 100% of Toronto’s meat supply at Korean Grill House (my actual favorite restaurant in all of the world), I wrote a musical about meat during that meal […]]]>
Soory I had a good time in Toronto, eh? I accomplished all of my goals. I attended Fan Expo and spoke to some nice northern Fancy Bastards, I ate 100% of Toronto’s meat supply at Korean Grill House (my actual favorite restaurant in all of the world), I wrote a musical about meat during that meal (much to the chagrin of my co-dining cartoonist friends), and I attended the Banana Bar Crawl (more on that in a second).
Big big thanks to Andrew of I Am ARG and Paul “Leftovers” Westover for hosting me for my Canadian Weekend. Additional thanks to the all the Torontonian(?) Fancy Bastards who came out to say hi and to the Cyanide and Happiness fans that I did sketches for.
Here are a few more things I drew at Fan Expo: A couple of D&D characters, a fractal penis (probably too sexy for work) and a photo comic I made this morning about David Willis on my phone from a plane that was trying to take off.
About that Banana Bar Crawl… I REALLY don’t like bar crawls. I like nice quiet evenings with friends. If we find a good bar with a good atmosphere and a good volume level, I like to stay there until everyone has drank 100 drinks, laughed 1000 laughs and fallen down into a pile on the floor which has to be pushed into the gutter with a large-ish broom. The Cyanide and Happiness fellows have been trying to drag me to the annual Dallas Banana Bar Crawl for years. Since they decided to have on in Toronto, and seeing as how I was trapped there, AND on the condition that they pay for all of my drinks, I agreed to 1) come along and 2) complain a little less.
Guys… oh man, guys… it was a fun time. I stepped out of my comfort zone and partied with my friends and about 200 weirdos in banana suits across 3 or 4 bars in Toronto and I had an amazing time. If you are in Dallas or Toronto and you are not swayed by my words, BE SWAYED AS ALL HELL BY THIS VIDEO EVIDENCE OF FUN TIMES!
Have you seen my wife’s latest geeky jewelry creation? MOTHER EFFING LIGHTSABRE NECKLACES AND EARRINGS!
COMMENTERS: When was the last time you stepped out of your comfort zone, tried something you thought you’d hate and actually loved it?
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Go to my store. I promise there is something there you will enjoy owning. In turn, I will enjoy owning your money. Hey hey! It’s part 2 in my 2 part series of 2 sets of Fancy Sketches from 1 Phoenix Comicon! This set indirectly stars my friend John Scalzi, who is known for his […]]]>
Go to my store. I promise there is something there you will enjoy owning. In turn, I will enjoy owning your money.
Hey hey! It’s part 2 in my 2 part series of 2 sets of Fancy Sketches from 1 Phoenix Comicon! This set indirectly stars my friend John Scalzi, who is known for his best selling sci-fi novels, his love of churros and his crippling addiction to Coke Zero. I defaced his booth sign along with some other dudes for reasons.
He made this face when he saw it.
COMMENTERS: Your favorite author has just become a giant robot. Who is it, are they good or evil and (regardless) do they fight Godzilla?
Comments (31)
Cool art.Wish I could have hit Phoenix.
oh, and FYI. Your site seems to have weird pop-up boxes that glide across the screen, and block your artwork. You may want to punch one of your ad-servers.
Titmouse · 107 weeks ago
George R.R. Martin…. so hes pretty evil and just kills everone you love just as you really start to think everything is going to be fine!!
Nakari · 107 weeks ago
H.P Lovecraft.He’d probably be evil by modern standards. He would fight Godzilla, after taking down the Dutch. Man really hated the Dutch.
Teri · 107 weeks ago
Philip k Dick ‘bot would probably be good, and he’d eventually figure out that Godzilla is a robot. Then he and Jasper Ffordebot will open a portal into the Southland Tales universe.The Mark Z Danielewskidroid would be the Tardis.
What would Kafkabot be like?
Neil Gaiman. He is (obviously) good and he would clearly not directly fight Godzilla, but rather dazzle him with a cunning plan that would involve something absolutely brilliant.Also, Wreck-It Doctor and Amy von Schweetz may be my favorite of your Fancy Sketches ever. Or possibly any drawing of all time.
Hey thanks! That was the sketch-requesters idea, but I thought it came out pretty great. Actually the Amy was my idea, but hey whatever.
Leshka · 107 weeks ago
Stephen King would spend 200 pages describing the path that Godzilla took to get to the city (complete with witty banter in it’s head,) then another 100 pages detailing the struggle between good and evil that robot King has to face. And then, because King is bad(ass,) he would team up with Godzilla and oh, so deliciously plunder the countryside, dedicating a good 50 or so pages to the raping of the women.Yeah, I’m re-reading The Stand and it may be giving me a bias
Stephen · 107 weeks ago
Patrick Rothfuss. He would have a beard of writhing cables that would subdue all those who stand against him. He would be good, but misunderstood (probably because of the tentacle similarity to Davey Jones in the Pirate movies). He would fight Godzilla simply because any giant robot worth his salt would, but they would come to an understanding and Godzilla would agree to get a RoboBeer (just oil mostly) with him and teach him the names of all things.Robert JordanBot would be both good and evil, as life is a robotic wheel and neither good nor evil can exist, one without the other. He would then spend nearly 20 years creating the greatest, um, fight with Godzilla unitl his untimely ascencion to the stars. This would leave a much inferior SandersonBot to muddle through to the final battle, where all of the greatness of JordonBot would be undone in short order.Totally not bitter.
Neil Gaiman. Good. And yes. He takes him down through deploying the powers of whimsey to turn Godzilla into a churro-eating, barbeque-providing friendly dinosaur.
Grimslade · 107 weeks ago
Bran-don Sanderzon would differentiate his robot abilities depending on what fuel it consumed. It would be completely devoid of morality. Good, evil, are judgements by others. The death of Godzilla is only the beginning of the liberation of Monster Island.
I agree that Patrick Borgfuss would wield an electro beard mas grande, making Cthulhu jealous of his facial tentaclular superiority. He would fight Godzilla, but only to subdue him and help him end world hunger.Super Mecha William Gibson can transform into an antique wristwatch. As such, he wouldn’t be able to put up a fight against Godzilla.Michael Crichton’s family, following the protocol he set out long before his death, reconstitutes his DNA into a artificially supported neural structure his son has spent the last 15 years constructing. At long, long last, he arises, stares at Godzilla and immediately starts postulating scientific reasons how Godzilla came about. After spending a number of hours intrinsically searching to find what really differentiates human nature from that of Godzilla, he realizes that Godzilla isn’t a force of nature, but a result of human nature. He resigns to the fact that Humanity will only destroy itself as he snaps Tokyo Tower in two and takes his place in the natural order.
Andy · 107 weeks ago
Well you already did Scalzi perfectly. Joe Abecrombe would be an evil robot, covered in spikes and all dark metal. He would join Godzilla in trashing Tokyo. Richard K Morgan would start out not caring but eventually fight Godzilla because it benefited him.David Brin, Vernor Vinge, Myke Cole would all be good robots. George Martin, Orson Scott Card and Stephen Erikson would all be evil.
Nick H · 107 weeks ago
Raybot Chandler wakes from his cybernetic slumber and potters around the office, struggling with his programming. The coders wrote an ordered sense of right and wrong but something was off in the assembly. His circuits are corroded by a steady stream of brown liquors and he goes through the motions but can’t seem to muster up the respect for civic authority he should have. The Dame, Pneumattie, crashes through the dingy glass and asks for the third time if he’ll reconfigure her to forget that no good husbot. Problem is, Raybot’s already taken husbot’s dough and can’t bring himself to care which of the two has more corrupt data.
Kathy J. · 107 weeks ago
Terry Pratchett would be a good guy, ambling along in his thin soled ancient footwear shaking hands with giant doorknobs, and when he meets Godzilla he hires him for the Ankh-Morpork city watch.Godzilla turns out to be particularly good at apprehending deliquent dragons.I was going to do a Terry Pratchett one but Kathy J. nailed it.
Alternatively, Spider-Bot Robinson would be a totally benign time-travelling, telepathic super borg who would probably just get Godzilla baked out of his tree and then they would have a super awesome jam session with ‘zilla on percussion.
Candace · 107 weeks ago
Steven Brust would at first appear to be an evil giant robot, but ultimately turn out to be moderately good in the end. He would not fight Godzilla, but might convince him to jam with Brust’s giant robot band, which might result in the ultimate destruction, entertainment, and/or terrification of all within earshot.
Ali · 107 weeks ago
Neil Gaiman. Neutral. He wouldn’t fight Godzilla directly, but he’d get him to stop rampaging…by teaching him about subtlety, thus leading to much more disturbing and nightmare-inducing terrorizing of Tokyo. (I mean did you SEE Nightmare in Silver?!)
Richard · 107 weeks ago
Margaret Weis. She would probably fight Godzilla hut since she wrote all the stories about Draconians from the Dragonlance series, she’d know his reptilian weak spots and send him packing back to the ocean! he would return in the sequel to marry her so they could have Godzilla Jr and her understanding of draconians would make her the best reptile monster mom ever!
Bryce · 107 weeks ago
Good, bad, everybody fights Godzilla. If you don’t fight Godzilla what’s the point of being a giant robot? What are you going to do, fight second string knock-offs from Sentai shows? Aliens with odd biblical themes that may actually be your mother? Other giant robots from series that are so commingled you don’t know who’s ripping who off when one turns into a jet?No, screw that. Fight Godzilla, then you can worry about what else you do.
Tom · 107 weeks ago
David Weber, and he’s good until someone lets him cross genres and mix science fiction with fantasy.
skoby · 106 weeks ago
Ive got a bad feeling that George RR Martin would trap siblings and force them to do stuff. I think he would kill godzilla eventually but only after godzilla kills everyone you care about.
DuckAmuck · 106 weeks ago
Douglas Addams, back from the dead as a robot?
I don’t think so much “good” or “evil” as perhaps indifferent, apathetic and possibly depressed. Unless he can telepathically send out radio shows.
But then he’d watch the HHGG movie, and the depression would set in again.Aww, misspelling your favorite author’s name? That’s not right.
I hope that was your phone’s autocorrect.My favorite author was actually made into a robot–no, really–but they left it on a plane and it hasn’t been seen since. So he was apparently defeated by an overhead luggage compartment door.
Chaucer59 · 102 weeks ago
MechaHarlanEllison fights Godzilla, melting flesh from the giant assembly of lizard bones with a spew of acid from his mouth and then defaces Gojira’s memory by reassembling the bones into a giant penis sculpture.
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PHOENIX COMICON BOOTH LOCATION CHANGE!!! David and I will be at booth 243, NOT 1749 and NOT by the LEGOs. Come in the main entrance, hang a left and head to the back corner. Here’s a photo of David peeking over a handy map. COME SEE ME AND DAVID IN PHOENIX THIS WEEKEND, APRIL 23-26! BOOTH 1749 way in the […]]]>
PHOENIX COMICON BOOTH LOCATION CHANGE!!!
David and I will be at booth 243, NOT 1749 and NOT by the LEGOs. Come in the main entrance, hang a left and head to the back corner. Here’s a photo of David peeking over a handy map.
COME SEE ME AND DAVID IN PHOENIX THIS WEEKEND, APRIL 23-26! BOOTH 1749 way in the back by the LEGOs! BOOTH 243! More details HERE.
Check out the winners of the Fancy Fan Art Contest RIGHT HERE.
!!!BELOW THIS POINT ARE MASSIVE STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS SPOILERS!!!
!!!BELOW THIS POINT ARE MASSIVE STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS SPOILERS!!!
!!!BELOW THIS POINT ARE MASSIVE STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS SPOILERS!!!
!!!BELOW THIS POINT ARE MASSIVE STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS SPOILERS!!!
!!!BELOW THIS POINT ARE MASSIVE STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS SPOILERS!!!
Over the last several months I had done a very thorough job of avoiding all Star Trek Into Darkness spoilers. I was planning to go into the theater NOT knowing whether or not Khan was the villain. Then, at the very last possible moment, a random Internet headline spoiled the secret identity of Cumberbatch’s character for me. It really wasn’t that big of a deal. I mean the movie gives his secret away in the first 25 minutes or so. The thing I was in no way prepared for (similar to the Mandarin reveal in Iron Man 3) was that Into Darkness is an alternate timeline reboot of Wrath Of Khan. It just is. Don’t argue with me. There aren’t just a few parallels and nods here and there. It IS Wrath of Khan, told from the perspective of the new timeline established in Star Trek (2009). Also, it is fantastic.
I will admit that a couple of the “let’s tie this into Star Trek 2 or other Trek canon” moments were (almost) cringe worthy. Spock yelling, “KHAAAAAN!” was certainly at the top of that list. The rest, however, I found entirely delightful. When old Spock said they had defeated their Khan, “at great cost,” I actually clenched my fist and looked at my wife with this dopey grin that screamed, “I CAN’T WAIT TO TELL YOU WHAT HE’S TALKING ABOUT WHEN THIS IS OVER!” When Kirk was in the radioactive chamber and he and Spock went in for a SciFive, I was audibly chanting, “SAY THE LINE, SAY THE LINE!” He totally said it, and it was awesome.
Other things that were badass: The Klingons, the idea that this is the Federation BEFORE it becomes Earth’s military and that it serves more of a NASA role at this time and how that is inevitably going to change, the idea that Admiral Robocop is essentially right about the impending war and the need to fortify Earth’s defenses despite being a despotic, mass murdering mad man, BENEDICT MOTHER FUCKING CUMBERBATCH, Benedict Cumberbatch’s voice, every line Cumberbatch delivers, BENEDICT MOTHER FU… you get the idea, how Spock has grown since the first film and getting to see the emotional side of him, how he deals with his emotions and how is reacts when he can’t deal with them, how it finally makes sense (by the end of the film) for Kirk to be a captain (this is a MUCH LONGER discussion, but I think the ONLY reason Kirk was made captain in the first film was in service to the expectation that the movie have a guy named Captain Kirk. He was certainly a brave, intelligent and heroic man, but in NO WAY was he a leader or able to accept the responsibility of taking care of all of the lives on a ship. By the end of Into Darkness, he’s earned it.), and pretty much every moment Scotty is on screen.
Things that were less badass: Not enough Sulu (seriously I think he had just that one line), too much “Everyone changes jobs and ranks and quits and is rehired and whatever” in this one (there was enough of that in the last one), Peter Weller (Admiral Robocop) already played a Starfleet officer with designs on being a warlord in an episode of Enterprise WHICH ISN’T CANON SHUT UP IT ISN’T SO WHY AM I COMPLAINING?!, the unrealistic stupidity of the security guard on Admiral Robocop’s ship that finds Scotty, and the “We need to get on the GIGANTIC, WAY MORE POWERFUL THAN OUR SHIP” ship to stop the big bad plot that seems incredibly familiar to the first film.
All of that said, I can HIGHLY recommend this movie to anyone who isn’t necessarily a Star Trek fan but enjoyed the first film and appreciates a good scifi action movie, AND to Star Trek fans who enjoyed the first film as well. If you hated Star Trek (2009) then you will hate Into Darkness for the same reasons. It’s not as cerebral or philosophical as any of the series or most of the TOS and TNG movies (which I think is a positive, since it makes a lot more sense to explore the really heady stuff in hour long snippets over the course of a 24 episode season that it does to spend 2 hours in a theater on space metaphors for race relations and equality), and it isn’t as inaccessible to the masses as some nerds would probably prefer it to be. Regular people can enjoy this movie, which will certainly piss off some hardest of core fans.
I don’t love J.J.’s Star Trek in the same way that I love classic Star Trek or even for the same reasons, but I do love it. At this point I consider it to be a very high budget fan fiction that just so happens to entirely enjoyable and present fans with at least 10 reasons to love it for every 1 reason to groan or complain. I really hope after Star Trek 3, J.J. opens up the door for a new series set in his Trek universe. Even something set in the TNG timeframe of his timeline would be fantastic.
Oh, and one more thing about Cumberbatch and his voice and his charisma and his whole deal… set panties to melt.
- Lindelof reveals how (and why) they changed the opening to Trek 2
- Complicated ‘Star Trek’ Rights Could Push J.J. Abrams Into a Multimedia ‘Star Wars’ Universe
- ‘Star Trek Into Darkness’ Is Enjoyable for All
COMMENTERS: I wrote a lot of opinions up there. Tell me what you think about them or what you think about Into Darkness in general. Spoilers are cool for this thread so be warned:
!!!THERE ARE SPOILERS IN THE COMMENTS TOO!!!
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Life long Trek fan, literally grew up watching the various series, I also liked the 2009 Abrams Trek. That is to establish where I come from when I say the following: Star Trek Into Darkness was a terrible Trek film, a bad movie, and it’s only redeeming quality is that it’s a fun action ride to turn your brain off and eat popcorn to.Into Darkness is the movie equivalent of being explained Wrath of Khan by a girl who doesn’t like Sci-fi and spent the whole movie texting instead of paying attention. That I could let slide though, they want to reboot Wrath of Khan poorly that’s fine by me. The real problem is the way they did it made so little sense. After watching and desperately trying to make sense of it I can’t decide if they started writing it and half way through opted to reboot Wrath of Khan but not restart the script, or if they just wanted to be able to air 20 minutes of film as a “sneak peak” without giving away that it was Wrath of Khan.
Why do I feel this way? Lets look at major plot points to find out!
Khan is a genetically engineered Human from 300 years in the past who is awoken by admiral robocop. Khan then uses his futuristic knowledge of 300 years ago to help admiral robocop make a ship that is triple the power, triple the speed, and triple the defensive capability all while only taking one person to pilot of the “Most advanced ship in the fleet” a claim made both in the 2009 movie and the opening of this one. I don’t know how 300 year old technological brilliance of Khan pulled that off but as soon as you read that you’ve probably hit one of the major reasons I found this film to be bad.Next we have torpedoes, the contents of which are so classified that Scotty resigns and leaves the Enterprise. Why does he do this instead of a stereotypical Kirk move of letting him pop one open anyways? Because otherwise how would they defeat the 300 year ago super tech ship of Admiral robocop of course! So we get a scene where Kirk acts completely un-Kirk like because they’d written themselves into a corner already.
Now we’ve got Admiral Robocop’s daughter, who’s ONLY there so that they can pop open a torpedo to convince Kirk to work with Khan. A job that could have been done by Scotty if Kirk had just acted like Kirk earlier in the film instead of acting like a plot cabby. As if her superfluous character isn’t bad enough she gets a bonus scene where she’s naked for literally no reason, not even a love scene, she just strips in a shuttle pod (why?) infront of the captain (also why?) and ends up in a normal uniform next scene so we cant even claim it was to put on protective gear. Bonus points also gained for Spock telling us on multiple occasions that there’s literally no reason for this character to exist in this movie.
Next we get to watch as Dadmiral Robocop discovers his daughter is on the Enterprise and then instantly beams her off the ship. He couldn’t manage to find Khan with his sensors but his daughter is a breeze to lock on to. Now she gets to be a damsel in distress, doing nothing but screaming and falling down in the ensuing scenes, even though we have less than no attachment to her, we actively want her gone because Spock has been telling us she’s a pointless character.
Finally to top this whole mindless drivel off we get absolutely none of the emotional impact of Wrath of Khan (also a bad movie actually but that’s not what we’re arguing about today) because instead of the dead person staying dead (till the next film) they get revived because earlier in the film we had a pointless scene where the film screamed “PLOT DEVICE HERE LOOK AT IT, REMEMBER IT, IT WILL BE IMPORTANT LATER!” with Bones injecting a tribble for what can only be described as shits and giggles, and it turned out to be the antidote for death.
All of that adds up to a mindless piece of popcorn flick that looks pretty but if you try to actually think about it reveals that the writers had no idea what they were doing. Bad movie, Bad Trek movie, good popcorn seller, enjoyable ride if you, like me, can turn your brain off.
I loved that tribble scene, because it totally was for shits and giggles.While somewhat established in the film, I think the best establishment for the technical brilliance of Khan was in TOS, the episode where they find him and his family. If that were still relevant, I would buy the part where the Admiral forced him to design a starship.
Candace· 106 weeks ago
Yeah, Khan and his crew figured out in short order how to take over the Enterprise in TOS, so I considered that precedent for Khan being able to look at Federation starship tech and figure out how to improve it.I also enjoyed the tribble scene, and think McCoy’s resurrection of Kirk is great because it now allows Dr. MCCoy to add yet another miracle to his resume.
I think Kirk normally Kirk would have allowed Scotty to open one of the torpedoes, but he had just been spanked. OTOH, he had seemed unrepentant at the time, so @Cyrankoss might have called that one right.
I also thought Kirk was acting un-Kirk-like with Scotty and the torpedoes… but I figured they wrote it that way on purpose. I mean, everybody’s yelling at him telling him this is a stupid mission, and he just lost his one father figure and is a bit unhinged. His acting out-of-character and the firing of Scotty and dismissal of Bones’ and Spock’s concerns all contribute to the feeling of “this is wrong no stop it this is not right” that I thought was very effective at that point in the movie.THANK YOU! Yes, I agree entirely. I’d place the film on par with Battleship or the most recent Transformers film; in Trek terms, on par with Nemesis. Enjoyable if you wilfully aren’t thinking about it too much, but a terrible movie from a sci-fi point of view regardless. The parts Joel found “(almost) cringe worthy” I found physically painful. Even if you exclude what others have termed ‘nitpicking’, the movie just doesn’t hang well together. But my main problem is that it’s lost so much of what made the Star Trek series (even Enterprise) great, trading those thoughtful plot lines in for Michael Bay-esque explosions and action set-pieces.I only saw Wrath of Khan for the first time a year or so ago and it wasn’t that great. That is – it wasn’t that great as ‘a film’. As ‘a Star Trek film’ it was brilliant, but that’s because there are so many bad Trek films and so few good ones.I saw Into Darkness with a group of friends of varying orders of geekitude. Of the 5 of us I was the 3rd most geeky. The 2 major nerds were torn throughout the film between enjoying seeing something bright and shiny involving Cumberbatch and Star Trek and apoplexy about the lack of Roddenberry-esque soul.
That said, we all loved the film.
I wanted more Karl Urban – for science reasons – but it was a fun movie. It aint art, but none of the Trek movies are. Few movies are. And art movies aren’t necessarily enjoyable movies (cough*TreeOfLife*Cough).
What shits on my whiskers is when people argue that brand X is better because its more philosophical. More philosophy doesn’t make something better, especially if its piss poor philosophy. When I watched Khan it was because my friends wouldn’t shut up about how deep and thought provoking it was. “Its like a meditation on man’s place in the cosmos and the nature of friendship as a catalyst for change.” Sure, it is. Here’s some first-year Aristotle; read that and then we’ll talk philosophy. Khan is the finest of original Trek, but nostalgia is what makes it taste so good.
Anyway, I’m hoping Nu-Trek III just fucks with everyone by introducing a transgendered French cyborg time-traveller named Jean-Lucy Picard…
And I just realised that there’s a chance Wil Wheaton may read what I wrote. I can’t handle that level of meta.I’m not sure if I should perform an act of penance now or wait until instructed.
Suggestions for acts of penance anybody?
Eh…in the new canon, Singh appears to be a mastermind villain; superweapon and all.In the old canon, Singh was a brilliant warlord, trained in the tactics of the most famous conquerors in his history. He displays this in the series (where he’s established and quickly learns to suborn starships), as well as in the movie.
There was drama and suspense. There was spectacle, but it made sense for the plot. It probably is nostalgia, but I would much prefer the SFX from that movie to this one…because not once did I feel ANY suspense in this flick.
Matt· 106 weeks ago
At every point in WoK you understood why everyone was doing what they were doing and how they felt about it.It sounds so basic, but I can’t say the same for STID.
I can. The motivations were pretty clear to me, but that didn’t help me enjoy it much more.I would have to see Wrath of Khan again (like I need an excuse), but nostalgia tells me they did it better in WoK.
I also had a blast. If I have any complaint, it’s that we could have used less time spent on people hanging from ledges and more time explaining who Khan was in the past. The guy should be as recognizable as Hitler, but nobody knew who he was. I mean, we did, but we have the benefit of three hours of previous screen time with him.I had no problem with Khan being able to design advanced weapons, as I see some other silly people do. Give him an hour with a technical manual to catch up, and he’ll then surpass you. Because he’s better. At everything.
And can we just have Uhuru speaking Klingon all the time, if ya know what I’m sayin?
Kirby· 106 weeks ago
Not to mention, as they say several times, they live in a time of peace and exploration. Khan came from a time where technology meant trying to blow the **** out of each other.The Hitler thing could kind of be explained by it being 300 years ago that he was around, during a part of history that Humanity is largely trying to ignore/cover up. I mean, I don’t know if I can think of many historical figures from 1713 that I’d recognize right off the bat… or at all.
Besides, he’s got a common last name. Unless Data’s creator’s a direct descendant or something… which would make an interesting movie on its own.
(side note: Tom Hiddleston for Data reboot. Seriously.)
You just blew my mind. I never made that connection.Anyway, the andriod kept throwing me off balance. I did, however, like how the aliens were just part of the crew and not spectacles for the camera.
I agree with you entirely. I get that hanging off ledges is supposed to be a running gag, but there could have been a little less… running time.
Adwxx· 106 weeks ago
God damn it JJ, try and get the a little of the fake science right. Just call it a super conducting absolute zero bomb.Abrams’ genius is this: despite the fact that NOT A SINGLE ONE of the plans of any of the characters made a lick of sense, and despite the fact that so much of what happened was clearly in the service of “this would look so cool” first and logic last, I still thoroughly enjoyed the movie.
old_pines· 106 weeks ago
Thank you.Thank you for giving a well-reasoned, balanced review. The fact that it exactly mirrors my feelings about the movie notwithstanding, I appreciate that you were able to reflect upon the movie without obsessing over Trek canon. Too many other reviewers have tried to measure the movie off of the classic serieses (precious) and forget that each awesome movie and episode was built on the backs of previous episodes/series/movies that this new franchise simply does not have.
The trek reboot has to take into account that Kirk isn’t the strong, willful product of a Star Fleet officer who groomed him for leadership. In this timeline, Kirk’s dad was killed by dimension-jumping psycho Romulans and he is naturally still having problems because of it. The events of TOS haven’t happened and can only happen now within the context of the new time structure.
I couldn’t buy into Chekov as engineering chief and I agree that Sulu could well have played a bigger part. Ignoring the unfortunate “KHAAAAAAN”, I think the character development for Spock is fantastic. Kiel’s growth is believable. Khan….
Ok, all apologies to my wife, but I wouldn’t turn down a three-way with Benedict Cumberbatch and Ian McKellan. Mmmm. That said, Khan in this movie made me believe that this small group were actually genetically-crafted superwarriors. Khan and gang from TOS and WoK did not sell that fact. Especially his cronies. Leaving them out of it in this movie and focusing on one psychotic superman was the right call.
I can’t wait to see the next installment. I want to go there, boldly.
old_pines· 106 weeks ago
Also, how interesting would it be if the universe of the new timeline was the mirror universe from DS9?Bryce· 106 weeks ago
You mean the mirror universe from TOS. DS9 grabbed the same universe and ran it into the future.
BowtiesAreCool· 106 weeks ago
Nerd Text to Follow: I don’t think that makes sense. It’s still the Federation. The mirror universe started thousands of years ago going the wrong way. (We know this because of Mirror Doctor Phlox reading the “great works of literature” from our Universe, saying they were “less agressive”. Except Shakespeare. Mirror = Aggressive and morally-eroded.But seeing the mirror universe and Kirk being a bigger better badass would be very cool!
Malady· 106 weeks ago
The one thought stuck in my head is “What if we get a TNG reboot in another decade or so?”I was so wanting Wesley Crusher to show up on the bridge of the Killerprise, put his hands on his hips, and say “Robocop!” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLyY_aOh4bMThis movie so actively avoids making sense, that I wonder if Lindelof did it on purpose. Or, was his carefully crafted script hacked apart and stitched back together specifically to service the action/effects scenes? Based on Lost, I’m guessing the former.
And yet, I enjoyed the movie. Part of this is that I LONG ago gave up on Star Trek making sense. There have been precious few tightly scripted Trek episodes, and no movies. The whole damn premise is a plot hole. So, I went in expecting big effects, a difficult moral choice, a bunch of fan service, and some awesome Cumberbatch. That’s pretty much exactly what I got, plus some really good Kirk/Spock moments.
Matt· 106 weeks ago
Knowing Roberto Orci, I wouldn’t be surprised if the script initially had a lot of false flag/9.11 was an inside job nonsense that got taken out relatively late in the production (because it was stupid and potentially offensive) and left everything really muddled.It would certainly explain why Khanberbatch’s and Adm. Robocop’s plans were so aligned early in the move.
I enjoyed the movie riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight up til the last half hour or so (I didn’t check my watch, I was in a theater). When Bones was all “No, we can’t kill him, we need him alive for his blood!” My initial response was: No, you don’t, you’ve said no fewer than six dozen times that you have 72 of these superpersoncicles on your ship. Thaw one out, drain him dry, use his blood. My secondary response was: No, you just need a juicy corpse. Blood works independently of the donor’s vital signs.
Twistednic· 105 weeks ago
Remember though, they didn’t have the correct codes to open the others. Bones said that had they tried there was no telling how well they may/ may not have defrosted. Lame but at least they acknowledged itAlso, I was thinking that maybe not all of them are superpersons in the exact same way. For all they/we know, Khan is the only one with the healey blood.I liked it. I thought it was refreshing to see Khan actually doing things that a normal hu-mon would be incapable of. Too often in the past, Trek would hold back on showing characters with superhuman physical attributes actually demonstrating said attributes. But BC’s Khan, Spock, and Nero from the last film all showed their superhuman traits quite well. And the voice… holy shit, it’s like if young Alan Rickman was a Kryptonian Terminator from Hell.
The retelling of WoK was cool. The brief team up, the Kirk/Spock flip, the KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! moment. All awesome. And I think Spock’s yell actually makes sense. In Amok Time, we saw that Spock is capable of losing his Vulcan control (“JIM! Er um, I mean I’m not emotional, shut up!”), but there’s another thing that occurs to me about this scene: As a Vulcan, I’m guessing that Spock usually restrains his physical strength (for much the same reason Spider-Man does). But he knows that Khan is too strong to pull punches against, the stakes are too high, and Khan is not deserving of that consideration. So Spock, at that moment, seems to me to have made a decision to unleash himself. To Khansciously release his self Khantrol. To basically become a Romulan, ruled by his passions instead of logic.
The fight afterward bears this out. Spock is a badass, he is pissed off. He is Spock at 11.Regarding needing Khan alive: yeah McCoy could probably save Kirk with dead Khan blood, or with one of the popcicles. but the odds would be lowered. Fresh blood, obviously is better than older blood. And it’s possible that the popcicles’ blood would only be workable if they get revived right. So yeah, Bones probably could have saved Kirk with a popcicle or blood drawn from a dead Khan. But he’s not about to take that chance.
Really the one thing that perplexed me about this was the bit where he’s experimenting on a tribble. Superhuman blood fixing an alien? But then I remembered the TNG episode where it’s revealed that all the major races are from the same space seed and maybe some of the animals were also seeded thusly.I like your explanations, especially the one about Spock consciously deciding to be rage-ful. Much more exciting that way!On the whole, I guess I agree with your views. Although, I was in a rather poor mood, and so did not appreciate quite as many of the “tie-ins” as you did, Joel.In the end, I said the same thing as I said at the end of the last one:
“It was a good movie, but a mediocre Star Trek movie.”
I was wrong, though. I’m upgrading this one to “ok” status, due to the exploration of the concept of a Star Fleet before it became a true military organization (despite the name).
However, too little was established in the new canon. You pretty much have to accept a ton of stuff from the old canon in order to appreciate the new Star Trek, like the poorly-established Vulcan strength, and also the Kolinahr (which they’ve tried establishing for two movies, and…well…Spock keeps breaking it). Also, I’m really, really bored of the “falling through space to the tiny target” gimmick. Every time I see it, I think of that Dead Space trailer, and wonder why I’m not playing that game instead. It looks pretty awesome.
It had good fight scenes, great explosions and decompression, some character development, and attempted to recapture the exploration of ideas of the original movies. It was an ok Star Trek movie.
Candace· 106 weeks ago
I may be mistaken here, but I don’t think either version of Spock ever actually completed the Kolinahr.It is quite true! I couldn’t remember the name of the actual practice of repressing emotions, so I used a sub-optimal word that really didn’t mean what I wished for it to mean.In that case, I agree with you. I think there wasn’t enough of a chance to establish a baseline of Spock-never-reacts-to-things-emotionally for all the emotional reacting he’s been doing to have the impact it should.Bryce· 106 weeks ago
So Spock is the only survivor of the true timeline and is this sage mentor character. AltSpock gets to kiss Uhura, yell KHAAAAAAAAN, is generally more of a dynamic character than PrimeSpock, and Kirk dies (but gets better)?This entire universe is PrimeSpock writing fanfiction about himself.
“This entire universe is PrimeSpock writing fanfiction about himself.” – this is the best bit of criticism of the JJ-verse I’ve seen.I’ve quoted it, with attribution, in my review of the movie at http://www.bgmhall.com/star-trek-spoilers.
Citizen Alan· 106 weeks ago
Cumberbatch was awesome, but was there any explanation of how a Sikh Indian, previously played by a Mexican, is now the Whitest Man In the World.Yes. He’s a product of eugenics and bioengineering and thus doesn’t technically belong to any one race.Which just makes it all the suckier that they made him SO WHITE. Cause, you know, white people are the utter epitome of the human race… [eyeroll]. I’m not as bugged by it as most of my friends were, but I see why they make the criticism.I actually posted the following review on my own webcomic, but I feel as though it is not out of place here:
My lovely wife and I went to see Star Trek Into Darkness today. I would like to talk about it if I may. Also, beware. There be spoilers here.Seriously, SPOILERS.
Okay, now I will proceed with no guilt. I found out a while ago that Benedict Cumberbatch’s “John Harrison” is actually Star Trek’s most notorious villain, Khan Noonien Singh. I was a little perturbed that they were remaking The Wrath of Khan, especially given the fact that the very notion made no sense. But this wasn’t a remake of The Wrath of Khan. It was the Abrams-Verse’s version of “Space Seed,” the episode of TOS wherein Khan is first introduced.
First of all, there were some really good things in this movie, things that give me more hope for the next installment. There were repeated references to the Five Year Mission, which as of this film has not yet begun. Kirk is hopeful that the Enterprise will be chosen as the first vessel to undertake a five-year mission of exploration, even as he opens the film by shrugging off the Prime Directive. I thought that all of that was cool, and that right there helped to mitigate my feeling in the last film that Kirk had been given a captaincy far too easily. I got even more satisfied when Kirk was demoted to first officer of the Enterprise for this violations of the Prime Directive. (If this were a television series, there would be some better and more substantial repercussions, but I’ll take what I can get.)
I enjoyed the performances in the film a lot. Chris Pine was good, as were Zoe Saldana and John Cho. I love Karl Urban. Cumberbatch, Zachary Quinto, and Simon Pegg were GREAT. Seriously, Benedict Cumberbatch now has what I consider to be the best “villain’s voice” in film. (It’s a shame that we can so casually cast him as someone who’s supposed to be a subcontinental Indian. As much as I liked him, there wasn’t even the barest effort to have a brown person in this role; at least Ricardo Montalban had both ethnicity [if the wrong one] and bronzer in his first appearance as Khan.) If there was a performance that I didn’t enjoy, it was that of Peter Weller, who underwhelmed me as the villainous head of Starfleet seeking war with the Klingons on his terms. He never filled me with dread the way Cumberbatch did, and he seemed pathetic, where Khan’s madness, and his threat, seemed much more dangerous.
Lastly, this film makes a token effort at fulfilling some of the thematic elements that were always present in Gene Roddenberry and Rick Berman’s versions of Star Trek. Much is made in this film about Kirk’s lack of fitness to command, and he has to better himself in order to deserve it. Becoming good enough to be worthy of the gifts of society is a strong theme in Star Trek, especially in The Next Generation. Also, the allusions to the Five Year Mission, both at the film’s beginning and at the end, make a strong reference to what Star Trek is really about…
To continue, because I am longwinded:The mistakes this film makes are really basic mistakes, the kinds that are very difficult to overcome. Only the charismatic crew, and the unbridled fun of the filmmaking save it.
First off, what was at stake? War with the Klingons was the big threat for the first half of the film, and WAR IS BAD, we all know. But we’re never given much reason to fear the Klingons. By the time they make an appearance onscreen, it’s just in time for three squads to get beaten down singlehandedly by Khan. It’s hard to take a war with them as much of a threat, because it’s clear that Abrams is expecting their reputation to do his dirty work. Trekkies see the Klingons as allies and noobs don’t see them as anything, so I think that was a real error.In the film’s second half, the threat is, I guess, “What happens if Khan gets loose?” We are given a cursory snippet of exposition about the Eugenics Wars and how Khan was once a despotic ruler who wanted to kill everyone who was inferior. He describes himself as “savage,” a superhuman soldier who was tagged by the shadowy elements of Starfleet to optimize the fleet for war with the Klingons. But he never does anything REALLY evil. Even his acts of terrorism are explained away as an effort on his part to get out from under the yoke of Admiral Marcus, who holds him in sway by threatening the lives of his cryogenically frozen comrades.
Heck, once they get away from Klingon space, the only thing at stake is the crew of the Enterprise itself. That doesn’t quite work in a film like this. In the first film, the Earth was at stake, and we knew it was so because the Romulans had already taken out Vulcan. At that point, I believed that anything was possible for these filmmakers who seemed to respect the sanctity of nothing. In …Into Darkness, the stakes are highest when Captain Kirk loses the Enterprise…but then he gets it back ten minutes later. Crisis averted.
But the thing that bothered me most, the thing that was the most poorly handled, was the obvious homage to The Wrath of Khan. In this film, it is Kirk was saves the day in the engine room, and Kirk who pays with his life. However, we’d already seen, in a pair of very heavy-handed foreshadowing scenes, that Kirk was to be revived by the blood of Khan. Khan’s healing blood is used in the film’s opening, and then again on a dead Tribble. (Why Khan’s blood was so vital when there were 72 sleeping genetically superior beings, like Khan himself, aboard the ship, is beyond me. Once they put Kirk into cryogen to preserve his brain function, they had the time to figure it out.) I fear that Spock is going to have an emotional meltdown in all of these films. Sigh.
Basically, this was a movie where a ton of cool stuff happens for no good reason. (Why was the Enterprise underwater in the opening scene? Because having it come out of the water looked cool. They could have done what they did from orbit.) Sometimes, the cool stuff managed to outweigh the lack of reason. Sometimes it didn’t.
Nevest· 106 weeks ago
I really didn’t like the first movie. Way too many illogical plot holes, just pulled me out of it and made it unenjoyable. The second movie was fantastic. Everything fit, everything made sense and flowed. Very enjoyable.
Liam· 106 weeks ago
Another actor playing Khan who isn’t Indian? At least this time they got an actor from a country that has some history with India.“HOW DARE YOU RUIN THIS STAR TREK INTO THE DARKNESS FOR ME!!!!!” — My new character, “Guy Who Is Blind to Spoiler Warnings”
Jay· 106 weeks ago
In regards to Peter Weller already appearing on Enterprise, I think it’s GOOD they’re keeping up the Star Trek tradition of reusing actors from previous movies/series’. (COUGHDavidWarnerCOUGH)Am I wrong, or was that Tony Todd playing the one demasked Klingon. He was Worf’s brother Kurn (Kern?) and at least one other Klingon.
firstfallen· 100 weeks ago
He was Kurn. IMDB says he wasn’t in STID, but I remember him as adult Jake Sisko from DS9 :P. Also apparently Alpha Hirogen in a Voyager episode!StephC· 106 weeks ago
Am I the only one who wasn’t surprised by the reveal of the true Mandarin in Iron Man 3? I wasn’t expecting Trevor to be so hilariously strung out, but the fact that Killian was the mastermind? Called it after Tony left him waiting on the roof. And the fact that Cumberbatch is Kahn wasn’t a shock either. If you’re going for a Big Bad Baddie, Kahn’s an obvious choice.Bryce· 106 weeks ago
Yeah, I was spoiled (in a thread about the original WoK, the day before ID came out, and the guy had the audacity to say “what, I said ‘spoilers’,” as if we’d know what movie he was spoiling) but it’s not really a surprise. They were doing so much denial that he was Khan that he was at LEAST going to be a Khan-with-serial-numbers-filed-off.I was shocked by the Mandarin thing just because of how it defies the role of the character in the comics. I didn’t hate it. I thought it was pretty clever for movie continuity, but I did think Kingsley laid it on a little thick.I thought BC was Khan from moment one but then they started the whole “SHUT UP YOU IDIOTS HE’S TOTALLY NOT KHAN!” campaign.
I was SO DISAPPOINTED when they revealed the Mandarin. They had been building to it since the beginning of the first movie and the terrorists who belonged to “the Ten Rings.”
I was ready for some real magic vs tech throwdown, and, in a perfect world, Fin Fang Foom. Instead it was just a pothead actor. What a waste of potential awesomeness.Candace· 106 weeks ago
As a dyed-in-the-wool Trekkie who grew up on TOS, I enjoyed the film, although there were a couple of plot holes other commenters have already mentioned above which took me out of the movie. That being said, TOS episodes *never* had plot holes. (Said wryly.)It didn’t bother me that Peter Weller was used again in a similar role. TOS re-used actors for different roles a couple of times, too, so there is precedent. (I guess they thought no one would notice?!?)
As far as the underuse of Sulu, to be fair, he was actually a supporting character in TOS, who did not appear in every episode. That being said, he and Chekov were my favorite characters when I was growing up, although that was primarily because I had crushes on George Takei and Walter Koenig. OTOH, he did get to be awesome for a bit while Acting Captain.
I would have loved at least one “OH MYYYY,” when he sat in the big chair.I really enjoyed the movie but yeah, it’s not the same as the old Star Trek. The old Trek had a greater emphasis on the details and continuity. You can’t really nitpick the Abrams Trek the same way you can nitpick the old Trek. The dialogue, action, acting, and effects were all great but the plot was probably on the level of a Voyager or Enterprise episode.Regardless, I still wished the movie had been a bit slower and more subtle. The old Section 31 used elaborate secret plans filled with political manipulations, lies, and betrayals. It kind of sucks how they’ve been turned into a bunch of dumb warmongers who barely even try to hide their existence. Also, I wish there had been a greater focus on Khan’s intellect and charisma rather than his physical strength.
Orion M· 106 weeks ago
I was mostly very happy with it.But yeah, not even Zachary Quinto could keep a straight face through Spock yelling KHAAAAAAAAN! The whole theatre was laughing uncontrollably. Possibly because it was the Cinnebarre and they serve all the boozes, but still.
Benedict Cumberbatch sold Khan to me as measured and superior in a way Ricardo Montalban never did. I’ve seen basically the gamut of Trek, and for all I was told it was The Awesome Special Sauce, I never cared much for Wrath of Khan. I felt that Khan in ST2 showed severe devolution from his remarkably well-crafted appearance in TOS. He wasn’t brilliant or deadly or even particularly dangerous.
(And the Space Magic that resurrects Spock is no less ridiculous than the Space Magic that resurrects Kirk. More ridiculous, actually. But Star Trek has always been about ridiculous Space Magic, so I forgive them both on that count.)
Anyway, I don’t agree that it’s entirely 100% a reboot of ST2 – it’s the main story threads of ST2 and The Undiscovered Country rolled into one, with some name-drops of things from DS9 and TOS to establish background flavor. It’s my hope that Section 31 gets some more love in Trek 3.
On a completely unrelated note, if I ever work with Benedict Cumberbatch, I will only ever call him by his full name. “Would you like some more coffee, Benedict Cumberbatch?” “Strange weather today, isn’t it, Benedict Cumberbatch?” “You make a very good point, Benedict Cumberbatch!” “My good friend Benedict Cumberbatch is an excellent actor. Oh, Benedict Cumberbatch, I was just talking about you!”
I’m sure he’d deck me after like half an hour, but that would be totally worth it. I mean, how many people get punched by Benedict Cumberbatch?
Saw it again tonight and thought of a couple more things I would have added to my review. I LOVED the inclusion of Section 31 from the DS9 Canon. Considering how Section 31 is never fully understood in DS9 or even an official part of Starfleet, they could totally be hopping over from the Abrams continuity into the Berman/Moore-verse.Does Carol Marcus change her name to Carol Marius at the end, or does Kirk just say her name weird when he welcomes her back on the ship?
I totally blanked on the fact that when the dad at the beginning goes to work at the “archive,” that he walked right past the missiles and a bunch of non-archive weapons manufacturing equipment. Also that the archive was named the “Kelvin Memorial Archive.”
I missed the reference to “the Mudd incident” the first time through.
Right when Bones looks on in disbelief at Kirk’s dead body, my friend Rob goes, “You’re dead, Jim,” and I lost my shit.
OH! And the model of the Phoenix on Marcus’s desk. That was an additional bit of badassery.Nice list of easter eggs here: http://screenrant.com/star-trek-into-darkness-eas…I was a little disappointed that Bones didn’t tell Kirk that he had only been “mostly dead”, because Princess Bride references rock
The Unknown FB· 105 weeks ago
They (Lindelhoff, et al) also wrote another prequel comic for this movie, like they did the ’09 one, which has a good deal of set up for this movie, along with a nice backstory to another captain of the Enterprise.They kind of missed the point of Section 31. It’s supposed to be a super secret organization that almost no one knows exists. Its methods are supposed to be almost impossible to track. Most importantly, people are supposed to be surprised and appalled by its existence. The very idea that something so antithetical to what the Federation stands for can exist within the very heart of Starfleet is supposed to be extremely controversial and hard for people to believe. It’s kind of like learning that your nice friendly neighbor who gets along with everyone and is a pillar of the community turned out to be a mafia hitman.Bryce· 105 weeks ago
While Kirk was hot on the revenge warpath when he was told about it, the reactions of everyone else on the Enterprise to the torpedoes seems to be about what you wanted. I loved that Scotty put his foot down and they actually carried that through to the repercussions, even if it was to get him in place to come back into the picture in Act 2/3. Chekhov’s look upon his “promotion” was both a meta “oh crap I’m putting on a red shirt” and an “oh crap I need to keep this ship running.”I also turned to my friends and said ‘He’s dead, Jim” and apparently said it a liitle louder than I meant to as the people in front of us burst out laughing. Of course then I had ‘Star Trekkin’ humming thru my brain the rest of the night too. http://youtu.be/FCARADb9asEOne thing that bugged me at the beginning of the movie: when Cumberbatch appeared on screen for the first time, the score was just way too over the top. This is our first shot of the character and, instead of some foreboding music that this guy may be trouble, it’s full on FINAL BATTLE WITH THE VILLAIN IN HIS LAIR music. “I can save her.” BWAAM BWOOOM BWOHM BAH-WAAAAAAAAAAAM.Lots of small nits to pick about the movie, but it’s still enjoyable, even with the whole “let’s revision the ending of Wrath of Khan” thing at the end. Here’s an article I really found myself agreeing with: http://www.goseetalk.com/star-trekking-into-nitpi…
Yes, I found a lot of the music cues too intrusive/instructive. For example, when Kirk is trying to kick the warp core into place. It takes forever, which is great for suspense, but you know EXACTLY the kick when it’s going to start working again because the music SUDDENLY CRESCENDOES before he kicks it. Which kind of momentarily ruins all the suspense they were trying to build.This is not a subtle movie.
The Unknown FB· 105 weeks ago
I’m just glad to know that kicking things to get them to work is still a valid repair technique, even into the 23rd century.Finally! It’s so refreshing to hear from someone else who wholeheartedly enjoyed the film, and for great reasons. Thank you thank you!I am very glad you liked it! The fan community that I’m a member of that sprang up around the 2009 movie has been… less than supportive. I guess the first time around people would only join if they’d liked the movie, and now everyone’s been hanging around for four years waiting and there’s no guarantee they’ll like it.I enjoyed it. On second watching I found the plot holes and glaring inconsistencies more bothersome, but I still love most of the character beats and all the funny quips. And I really loved the first part of the plot where Kirk loses his captaincy because yes, he is an irresponsible ass at that point. I think a lot of things about the movie were very well done.
And Benedict Cumberbatch… I believe I am permanently melted into a puddle of goo about that man. Between my recent re-watching of Sherlock and then seeing STID twice, I just can’t stand what an excellent actor he is.
It was… enjoyable on the whole, I suppose. But there were just too many moments that utterly killed the tension and/or pacing for me. One in particular really just ruined the rest of the movie for me; The scene where Kirk “dies” has NO WEIGHT WHATSOEVER, because of poorly delivered, heavy-handed foreshadowing about magical anti-death-blood. The premise is… silly, but forgivable, BUT I literally spent the entire scene between Kirk and Spock at the radiation shield screaming in my head, “SHUT UP, HE’S GOING TO BE FINE”.There are a million little details that bug me, but those can be overlooked in service of the story. Sort of. But a major point of dramatic tension being ruined by sloppy writing is a serious no-no. (I mean, we knew Kirk wasn’t staying dead, but there was NO MYSTERY AT ALL COME ON.)
I love J.J.’s alt universe as long as I keep reminding myself that he is rebooting the franchise. Frankly, anyone who wanted this movie to be a remake of Wrath of Kahn or “Space Seed,” the episode where you actually find out everything about Kahn, is an idiot in my opinion. I’ve heard it screamed on forums that Cumberbatch is great, but he didn’t get to be KAHN in the sacrosanct, undiluted, original series way they wanted, but you know what? Cumberbatch can walk over my cold corpse any day (feel free to interpret that anyway you want to) and his Kahn is just as compelling as Montalban’s. I don’t want to sit through a remake of the Wrath of Kahn. I want new, fresh material, and new takes on the most frightening villains and that is exactly what J.J. gave me.
Rev-e· 105 weeks ago
I was thinking that the old school original timeline movies made more of a point about taking on big-picture real world issues…then I remembered starfleet authorizing a drone strike on someone else’s sovereign territory to take out a terrorist and got the point.manbeardman· 105 weeks ago
i just saw it last night and …….. meh i couldnt get into it i think cause i loved the original wrath of khan so much still a good movieChaucer59· 99 weeks ago
I hated Chekhov in the original series, and I hate that JJ brought Jim back–and WAAAAAAAYYYY too early in the first movie. All the crew were seasoned veterans in TOS compared to Chekhov. Why do we need a cheesy Russian accent? I was thrilled in the beginning of Star Trek II when they infected Chekhov with that brain slug that was SUPPOSED to be fatal, but then they miraculously saved him at the end. Of course, I was the rare exception to all the Star Trek geeks at the time Wrath of Khan came out–I hated what they did with Khan. In the original story, Khan was a powerful farkin’ genius–a truly remarkable opponent. In Wrath of Khan he was a raving whack-job who they defeated because he got a case of the dumb and forgot that space is three-dimensional. COME ON, that wasn’t Khan–that was Khan’s crazy, Alzheimer’s-addled uncle Bernie Noonien Singh.My wife and I, for the next several days, found an astounding number of opportunities to say: “YOU SHOULD HAVE LET ME SLEEP.”
I am very bad at seeing movies right when they come out. As my parenting has gotten stronger, my ability to drop everything at a moment’s notice and go to a 1am showing of a movie where nerds are likely to be dressed up in cloaks and brandishing lazer swords has severely diminished. I am […]]]>
I am very bad at seeing movies right when they come out. As my parenting has gotten stronger, my ability to drop everything at a moment’s notice and go to a 1am showing of a movie where nerds are likely to be dressed up in cloaks and brandishing lazer swords has severely diminished. I am also bad at seeing a headline like “DO NOT READ THIS ARTICLE BECAUSE IT SPOILS THE ENTIRE MOVIE YOU REALLY WANT TO GO SEE IF YOU CAN FIND A BABY SITTER IN A FEW WEEKS!!!” and not reading it immediately. I am my nerd enjoyment’s own worst enemy.
COMMENTERS: What’s the greatest length you’ve ever gone to in order to remain unspoiled? Given up the Internet? Severed friendships? GIVEN UP THE INTERET?!?! THE ACTUAL INTERNET?!?!?
Comments (39)
Yusaku777 · 108 weeks ago
I actually made it through all three Star Wars prequels without ever seeing the trailers. I avoided everything possible, even the toys. And this was while I was working at Target. That was hard to do.The biggest spoiler I got before one of the three movies? That Obi-wan grew a beard before the second movie. (Couldn’t avoid the graphics on the toy aisle end caps.)
A buddy of mine bought the soundtrack for Episode 1 that came out something like 2 weeks before the film, and one of the tracks was called “The Death of Qui-Gon Jinn.” He said he’d never been angrier in his life (all 12 years of it).That. Is. Fucking. Bullshit.They did it on the Serenity Soundtrack too. Track 10 is called “Shepherd Book’s Last Words.” Of course by 2005, no one bought soundtracks anymore.I was in uni during the prequels. Two months before Clones came out, a guy in class did a presentation and his background music was the unreleased (at that point) soundtrack. To make matters worse, he emailed everyone in class a copy of the script.This is 2 months before the movie came out. God I was furious.
How he got those things, I have no idea.
Junkyard · 107 weeks ago
I actually made it through all three Star Wars prequels without ever seeing the films.Haughty-helmet-wearing-hands-on-hips Joel is MY FAVORITE JOEL.It’s a permanent change. Glad you like it.
Rebecca · 108 weeks ago
Seriously! I was just remembering how much I loved listening to TMBG with my dad when I was in awkward pre-teen (and beyond). Even though Joel and I are the same age, he often reminds me of my dad in these nerdy ways that are also sometimes really touching.Go to your room.
Athene · 108 weeks ago
When the LOTR movies came out, I refused to watch any trailers. I think I saw some stills, but that is it. Whenever a trailer would come on, I would change the channel or leave the room. If I couldn’t change the channel or leave, I’d close my eyes and hum until I was sure it was over. I’m actually really glad I did that because a lot of the wonderful visual moments were brand new to me when I saw the movies.I guess that’s different for me since when a movie is based on a book that everyone knows the ending to, I dont really consider it a spoiler.My dad went to see Skyfall before me. He was going to say something about it but
I told him to shut up, because a mere mention of him liking it or not would tell me many things, as I know his taste in movies.At the moment Star Trek Into Darkness is the only film I’m spoiler-shielding myself as I got to see Iron Man 3 last weekend. I should just go tumblr-free until I’ve seen it. I don’t watch trailers online, but mere seconds after any new material comes out, there’s a saturated gif set, fan art, frame by frame analysis and crossover with Supernatural or something. Tumblr savior is a thing, sure, but it only works if people tag their posts properly.
I’m going to see the Great Gatsby, but I read the book and Kate Beaton’s strips, so the only thing internet can spoil for me is the level of trainwreck.
As for Superman, I saw a Man of Steel teaser in the cinema and at first thought it was a gritty fishing drama, The Perfect Storm 2 or something.
“My dad went to see Skyfall before me… that was 8 months ago. I may never speak to him again.”
Greg · 108 weeks ago
I prepared for my trip to the cinema with my wife to see Skyfall for her birthday by going the week before with a work colleague. I deserve a prize for keeping my mouth shut.Being in that slightly niche position of being in the UK, but also liking NFL, for the 2012 Superbowl I had to record the match on the Sunday night, and wasn’t able to watch it until the Tuesday evening. So I spent 2 whole days ignoring every and any media possible – no internet, no radio, no newspapers, no TV. It was hellish, but I managed to avoid finding out the result.I’ve so far remained almost entirely knowledge-free about Star Trek Into Darkness. No trailers, nothing. I did accidentally come across some headlines that mentioned a major plot point (which I assume is in the trailers) when I was looking for photos from the London premiere.I haven’t really given anything up – just been extremely careful around any internet-mention of the movie.
90percentgeek · 108 weeks ago
I’m holding off reading the Game of Thrones novels until after the TV series (and therefore presumably the books) are completed. Its one of the only adaptations where I hadn’t got to reading the books before they chose to adapt it to another medium. As such whenever I say I like the show and someone starts to say how it compares to the books I have to shut them down quickly but politely and explain I haven’t read the books and want to make my own comparisons once I’ve watched the whole show.
Neph Sy · 108 weeks ago
I’m reading a book after each tv season, so just read book 2. You could read book 1 and 2 and it wouldn’t affect your enjoyment of series 3.Junkyard · 107 weeks ago
I found having read the books enhances my enjoyment of the series, rather than spoiling it. Great though the series is, the books are better, so I’d rather the spoiling happens that way around. Also, lots of little details in the series (which are barely explained) make far more sense with the background from the books.
Kiltmancomics · 108 weeks ago
Google “Coolest Motorcycle Helmets” Ironman Is Among Them. As Someone Who Imdbs All Movies I Watch.. Spoilers Dont Bother Me..But A Load Of Movies I End Up Seeibg In My “Home Theatre” Via Redbox, Rather Than The Theatre, Because Of Schedules And Finances.. (Again, Sorry About Caps, All Words Seem Proper To The Android I Guess)Being from the Netherlands the distributors either like us or hate our guts… For example I have to wait another full month for the premiere of Star Trek Into Darkness, June 6th?! Come on!! Then again, I did see Iron Man 3 two weeks before US release.
I generally have no problem with trailers, since they tell me quite a bit about the movie (not necessarily story, but also acting and visuals). I do however draw the line at film clips coming out after the movie has premiered…, those are dangerous.Stephen · 108 weeks ago
Spoilers don’t really bother me too much. I mean I don’t go seeking them out, but if someone lets something slip I’m not going to eviscerate them with my adamantium claws. The most important thing to me is not what happens but how it happens. It’s the journey, not the destination. Unless the destination sucks… then no amount of journey can save it.
The Black Dog · 108 weeks ago
I have a few people who are being filtered out of my Twitter feed because they decided this year to start quoting lines from Mad Men as they are watching the new episodes. I can’t watch the episode until Monday so I don’t want to be spoiled.ElNick · 108 weeks ago
I’d been talking to this girl for a while; she’s hot, I think she’s a little into me too, the conversation’s flowing as great as ever, when:‘Oh yeah I saw the Avengers on the weekend! -character name- dies, how sad.’
I never spoke to her again. On sheer principle.
skoby · 108 weeks ago
I was 13 when The Matrix was released and it was rated 15 here, I tried getting in to see it with some older mates but failed. Two of my friends at school somehow got to see it and I somehow managed to avoid any major spoilers right up until a week before it was released on video (didn’t have a dvd player yet lol) and then for some reason one of the teachers decided to use the plot of the matrix for a subject of an assembly somehow twisting it to a metaphor about Christianity and Jesus, everything from the humans being used as a power source, being betrayed by Cypher (yes they even said his name), Zion and Neo’s powers.Totally ruined the film for me and I think I may be the only person here who enjoyed the sequels more than the original, as disappointing as they were at least I didn’t see any spoilers.
bionelly · 108 weeks ago
I don’t really worry too much about movie spoilers – the whole responsible-parent thing, combined with a general lack of funds, means that I almost never see a movie less than a month after it comes out (and the vast majority wait until they’re on Netflix) and by then it’s pretty much a lost cause. If I have to wait a few days to see a TV episode I’ll go into “internet quarantine”, though – I don’t stay away from the internet entirely, but places like this, tumblr, fan forums and news sites are off-limits.I manage to make it to the theater about 6 times a year. I like seeing a movie when it’s new, but I find the overall theater experience pretty dreadful. During Iron Man 3 a woman behind me was explaining the entire movie to her 10 year old THE ENTIRE TIME. She never stopped talking at a normal volume.Those are the worst types of people.Rebecca · 108 weeks ago
At least you know she is going to the special hell.
Connor · 108 weeks ago
So far during every Saturday since the second part of season 7 of Doctor Who I give up the internet until I have seen the episode. As for movies it is hard to stay away from spoilers when I have a sister who won’t ever stop spoiling stuff like Iron Man 3 to me. I wish I had that helmet for those times.Heck, I’ve given up. Even in innocuous comment threads like “what’s the furthest you’ve gone to avoid spoilers”, some jackhole is going to write about how in Iron Man 3 it was so awesome when Tony Stark grabbed [[SYSTEM MESSAGE: REST OF COMMENT DELETED. USER PERMABANNED. HAVE A NICE DAY.]]I wanted to be absolutely surprised for the very last YJ comic issue, so I stayed off Tumblr and twitter the whole day. I know that sounds like a small task but I work from a computer ALL DAY, so the temptation was right there the whole time. It was worth it since the last two pages had moments for my favorite pairing ever.
MichaelH · 108 weeks ago
I rely on stupidity and bad memory to remain spoiler free for something. A UK Sci-fi magazine back in the day spoiled the Angel/Buffy huge plot twistfor mid season 2, ages before I saw Buffy on normal BBC TV. Infact I think I got the video from Blockbuster ahead of series 2 being shown, and was surprised. Then went ‘oh, wait… duh’Recently, both a friend and I were completely blindsided by the villain reveal in Dark Knight Rises, despite having heard the character name and person who played them being revealed in the starting run up to the film, before it was even realised this was a spoiler.
I go the other way and deliberately spoil stuff for myself assuming I’ll never see the TV show, etc in question, and then later decide to get in to it
Currently the furthest I go to be spoiler free is giving up twitter until I’ve seen the newest Strip Searched. I even braved twitter when I hadn’t seen the latest Doctor Who. Though that was because it was a stand alone episode. If it had been the final episode… well, it’s easier to just watch the darn thing no matter the tim of night/morning than avoid the internet for too long!
Neph Sy · 108 weeks ago
I do close my eyes, cover my ears and hum a tune when I see a commercial or promo for a show or movie I am looking forward to seeing. Working at home makes a difference, I don’t pass by newsstands or hear people conversing on the bus or at the “office”, since my office is my basement.The less plugged in you are the easier it is to avoid spoilers; no tumblr, no twitter, and I avoid Yahoo news at times. For reality show contests like Survivor, Project Runway, and Idol, I no longer watch Entertainment Tonight or other entertainment news shows, that cuts down on the chance of the finales being spoiled until I have a chance to watch them. Even managed to record the Oscars and watch it two days later, without any knowledge of who won.
I managed to avoid being spoiled on the dark knight rises for almost 2 yearsThe Unknown FB · 107 weeks ago
Alfred did it.
BlackBunny · 107 weeks ago
I stopped reading this comic (and started avoiding all forms of internet geekery) because I couldn’t bring myself to watch Doctor Who series 7 part I until January and I was afraid of spoilers (I didn’t want my time with the Ponds to end!). While I managed to stay spoiler-free, I alienated several friends who wanted my opinions on the series. It was a dark, humourless time.
I’ve had this idea on my “to draw” list for over a year. A bit of an unofficial Wheaton comic dare last night involving my friend Lar forced me into action. [UPDATE 04/18/13] COMMENTERS: Wesley was always looking for others, especially Picard, to fill the role of space-father. Who are your favorite surrogate parents in […]]]>
I’ve had this idea on my “to draw” list for over a year. A bit of an unofficial Wheaton comic dare last night involving my friend Lar forced me into action.
[UPDATE 04/18/13] COMMENTERS: Wesley was always looking for others, especially Picard, to fill the role of space-father. Who are your favorite surrogate parents in geek fiction? Giles tops the list for me.
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I’m at Emerald City Comicon RIGHT NOW having a motherbuttshaking PARTYPARTYPARTYPARTY!!! If you are in Seattle, come to booth 1106 (the Blind Ferret Booth) and SHAKE DEM HEALTHY BUTTS! (also buy stuff from me) In my absence you are presently being treated to a guestual type comic from William Tallman, creator of Reptilis Rex. It […]]]>
I’m at Emerald City Comicon RIGHT NOW having a motherbuttshaking PARTYPARTYPARTYPARTY!!! If you are in Seattle, come to booth 1106 (the Blind Ferret Booth) and SHAKE DEM HEALTHY BUTTS! (also buy stuff from me)
In my absence you are presently being treated to a guestual type comic from William Tallman, creator of Reptilis Rex. It is uncomfortably clear from the panels above that W.T. gets my sense of humor, gets my characters’ sensibilities and draws my characters better than I do. I’m not even going to ask if you enjoyed this comic (BECAUSE YOU DID), so in your pursuit of more haha-yuckyucks by Mr. Tallman I will direct you again (THAT’S RIGHT, TWO LINKS!) to his comic about a deposed Reptoid king from our very own hollow Earth who comes up to the surface and has a pretty shitty life. The cuteness of the pictures is designed to distract you from the undeniably honest sadness of the human reptoid condition. It’s funny!
COMMENTERS: Have you ever explored the expanded universe (novels, comics, CCG’s, whatever) of any particular popular culture element? Did you find comfort in delving into a larger universe which concerned a thing you already loved, or were you saddened when you found out Han Solo used to be partners with a space rabbit?
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Forgive me, dear Fancy Twitter Bastards, if you have already read 2/3 of these jokes. I decided to borrow from my time-shifted Oscar’s live tweets from Monday night to fill in the gaps above (hence the secret double meaning pun title in which I reveal that I am a monster). I started watching the Academy […]]]>
Forgive me, dear Fancy Twitter Bastards, if you have already read 2/3 of these jokes. I decided to borrow from my time-shifted Oscar’s live tweets from Monday night to fill in the gaps above (hence the secret double meaning pun title in which I reveal that I am a monster). I started watching the Academy Awards about 90 minutes into the broadcast. I figured that would give me enough time to skip all the boring parts and just barely catch up with the end. I tweeted as I watched, which must have been jarring for anyone following both me and everyone tweeting the show in real time. Afterwards, I went back and read the previous 3 hours of my twitter feed and realized something odd. The jokes in my feed, provided for free by professional funny-makers and my friends (many of whom themselves are pros at funny-making) was 1000% more entertaining than the awards themselves. But… those highly entertaining tweets (containing no less than 5 L actual OL moments) would not have been possible if not for the incredibly boring Oscar telecast. And they wouldn’t have been as funny had the Oscars not been so dry, flat and humorless. So does that leave me actually grateful for a miserably unfunny Oscars? I certainly don’t regret the jokes that I made which led to this comic, and the ones I read on my phone last night. I know this is a common occurrence in the age of constant connection and commentary but I started to wonder if there would be a tipping point where people gather around the water cooler to discuss NOT the Oscars or whatever communal viewing experience happened the night before, but rather the tweets that experience inspired.
Emerald City Comicon is THIS WEEKEND in Seattle. It is my favorite show of the year and I will be at the Blind Ferret Booth all weekend (#1106-1108).
I saw someone post something along the lines of “Why do you watch the Oscars? Why not just read a list of winners at the end?” I thought about it and came to the conclusion that awards shows, season finales, elections and other MUST SEE televised events provide us (the country, if not the entire world) with the rare chance to all be focused on the same thing at the same time. It’s so much easier to land a solid joke when you are experiencing something right along with your audience. You can get away with “This guy is all like…” instead of “Right now I’m watching Top Chef and this guy is all like…”. It lends an additional element of familiarity and brevity, a shorthand, to the experience. For pro-time funny-doers, I think it also allows them (us?) to experience something akin to laughter at a live show. The audience is right there with you, watching the awards and their RT’s and Fav’s and such can take the place of the instant approval a comedian seeks from a live audience.
I think about this stuff a lot.
COMMENTERS: Have you ever enjoyed someone making fun of a thing more than the actual thing? I think the Red Letter Media reviews of the Star Wars prequels certainly qualify here. To expand on that thought, have you ever enjoyed a commentary, remix, tell all book, cover band or making of documentary more than the subject on which it focused?
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Blind Ferret’s server got hacked, so the HE Store is down for now. Sharksplode is still fully functional. I did a two part interview with the United We Geek podcast. You can listen to part 1 right here! Adventures of the Gummi Bears was one of those 80’s shows where someone said (someone in this case being […]]]>
Blind Ferret’s server got hacked, so the HE Store is down for now. Sharksplode is still fully functional.
I did a two part interview with the United We Geek podcast. You can listen to part 1 right here!
Adventures of the Gummi Bears was one of those 80’s shows where someone said (someone in this case being Michael Eisner), “Hey, here’s a thing kids like. Let’s make a show about it. Doesn’t matter if it’s a food or a packaging material or an intangible idea or paint samples. Just make it all alive and add magic to it!” I always appreciated the lengths cartoon producers would go in the 80’s to make a show somehow appeal more to what they perceived children were. Like with the Punky Brewster cartoon, some guy saw a successful TV show about an orphan girl and her foster father and said, “Great premise, but let’s magic that shit up a notch! Bam! She’s got a fuzzy goblin from another dimension for a pet or whatever! 80’s cartoon producer guy, you’re a GENIUS.”
]]>RSS CHANGES!!!
I’ve stopped using Feedburner since Google has abandoned it. The old feedburner feed will continue to work, but you should resubscribe using http://hijinksensue.com/feed/.
If you used to get HE in your email inbox through Feedburner, this service seems to offer the same functionality for free.
Just plugin the HE RSS feed [http://hijinksensue.com/feed/] and your email address.
CRUISE FUNDRAISER: 77/100 prints are sold and I only have until Dec 15th (4 days left!) to meet my goal of selling all 100. Help me get on a nerd boat and get some neat art for yourself in the process! DEC 12th at 12noon Pacific IS YOUR LAST CHANCE to order anything from Sharksplode before Santaween! […]]]>
CRUISE FUNDRAISER: 77/100 prints are sold and I only have until Dec 15th (4 days left!) to meet my goal of selling all 100. Help me get on a nerd boat and get some neat art for yourself in the process!
DEC 12th at 12noon Pacific IS YOUR LAST CHANCE to order anything from Sharksplode before Santaween!
ME AND WIL MADE YOU A NEW SHIRT and WE ALSO MADE HOODIES!
- Cumberbatch and Alice Eve’s ‘Star Trek’ Roles Maybe Revealed
- A Wrath of Khan Character Is In Star Trek Into Darkness (Not Khan)
COMMENTERS: Let’s assume “Harrison” is a red herring. What other movie trailer red herring’s did you fall for? Or did you see through them while the rest of the Internet lost it’s collective mind?
Hey hey! You can listen to an interview I did on the Clinically Inane podcast.
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AUSTIN, TX FANCY BASTARDS: Webcomics Rampage is THIS WEEKEND! CRUISE FUNDRAISER: 66/100 prints are sold and I only have until Dec 15th (8 days left!) to meet my goal of selling all 100. Help me get on a nerd boat and get some neat art for yourself in the process! ME AND WIL MADE A NEW SHIRT […]]]>
AUSTIN, TX FANCY BASTARDS: Webcomics Rampage is THIS WEEKEND!
CRUISE FUNDRAISER: 66/100 prints are sold and I only have until Dec 15th (8 days left!) to meet my goal of selling all 100. Help me get on a nerd boat and get some neat art for yourself in the process!
ME AND WIL MADE A NEW SHIRT HOLY CRAP I LOVE IT!
UPDATE!!! WE ALSO MADE HOODIES!
We now live in a world that has a Star Trek: Into Darkness trailer and Benedict Cumberbatch just oozes cheekboney sex all over it. There’s a lot of speculation that he’s playing Khan. He is not. He is playing Gary Mitchell, or a at least a character based on Gary Mitchell. It wouldn’t bother me if they changed the name. The wrath of Gary is not a wrath I could see myself particularly fearing.
J.J. Abrams first Star Trek is a perfect movie. That’s just a fact. A SPACE fact, which is the realest kind of fact. Even the parts that don’t make sense make me exceedingly happy. I was never a doubter as to the potential quality of the sequel. The little 1 min snippet has gotten me ever more not… being… a doubter. I have a giant Trekboner is what I’m saying, and this trailer did nothing to diminish it.
My friend Sam is the one that originally suggested to me that Tumblr, which it’s excess infestation of Cumberkin (people that were born into a human body, but know at heart they were supposed to be born clinging to Benedict Cumberbatch’s torso like a baby marsupial) might have had a hand in the crafting of the trailer. It basically leaves out most of the actual Star Trek in favor of the Sherlock star’s soothing yet wicked voice over and asskicking leapery (or leaping asskickery). I can’t say that he’s wrong, in that this movie appears to have been crafted by and specifically for nerds. SPOILERS: It was. I love it when Hollywood panders to us and gets it totally right.
COMMENTERS: Are you as excited as me for STiD? Check your Trekboner. Hmmm… that’s PRETTY excited, but I might still have you beat. If you want a little extra POTENTIALLY SPOILERY GOODTIMES, you can watch the Japanese version of the trailer.
Don’t forget to check the thumbnail to the right of the main HE comics to see if there’s a new LoFi. I’m updating them more often now.
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UPDATE: The JCCC3 signed, numbered, limited print is up for sale! Info about and holiday shipping deadlines for various HE-type merchandise IS HERE. Short Version: If you want something ( like HijiNKS ENSUE T-Shirts (also in Ladies Sizes), Books, A Lil’ Wil Wheaton Plushie , Holiday Cards, DISCOUNT T-Shirts or AWESOME high quality prints of ANY HE comic) before Dec 24th, ORDER IT VERY NOWISH. Same goes for […]]]>
UPDATE: The JCCC3 signed, numbered, limited print is up for sale!
Info about and holiday shipping deadlines for various HE-type merchandise IS HERE.
Short Version: If you want something ( like HijiNKS ENSUE T-Shirts (also in Ladies Sizes), Books, A Lil’ Wil Wheaton Plushie , Holiday Cards, DISCOUNT T-Shirts or AWESOME high quality prints of ANY HE comic) before Dec 24th, ORDER IT VERY NOWISH.
Same goes for Sharksplode Doctor Who Shirts, Wil Wheaton Themed Shirts, this one, that one and ALL OF THE SHIRTS ENTIRELY.
Guys, it is JoCo Cruise Crazy fundraiser time again. If these words are foreign to you, please read this post from last years JCCC fundraiser to get an idea of what this special event is, and what it means to my wife and I. We work hard and we struggle to maintain this “do what you love for a living” lifestyle, and despite all of its perks it really doesn’t leave any extra money for things like fantastically geeky vacations. That’s where you, The Fancy Bastards, come in. Just like last year I am going to be offering 100 signed and numbered limited prints of the image above (a fully inked and colored version, that is) in order to raise money for the flights, hotel, cruise, food, etc.
For $35 (plus shipping) you will get the 11X17″ “Bridge Collapse” print, plus one more 11×17″ print of your choice (“Where’s Carl?” “Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey,” or “Rival Smugglers”). For $55 (plus shipping) you will get all 4 prints.
I will also be offering extra signed Print Packs (four 8.5×11″ prints on the same theme) for $25 each (+s/h). The packs will be “Doctor Who 1,” “Doctor Who 2,” “Joss Whedon,” “Battlestar Galactica,” and “Wil Wheaton.” You will be able to buy these even if you don’t buy the limited print.
I will ALSO be offering a few stand alone 11×17″ signed prints like “You’re The Last Of the Timelords, Charlie Brown,” “Winter Is Coming” “Grammar Dalek” and “I’m A Snowflake On The Wind” for $15 each (+s/h) or all four for $45 (+s/h).
The last JoCo Cruise was one of the all time highlights of my life (as you can see). I would love to be able to take my wife on it at least one more time and give you some extremely Fancy artwork in the process. The prints will go on sale at (or around) midnight central tonight. (UPDATE: They are up for sale now!) I will update this page with a purchase link. Thanks!
COMMENTERS: Assemble your perfect starship bridge crew chosing from all characters in the whole of Sci-Fi. Who gets which job and why?
ANOTHER THING: Me, Rob and Wil did something very silly last night.
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Podcast Episode 86 “Oh No! Promotheus!” is live. Fine citizens, as you enjoy your hotted dogs, hamburger sandwiches and frisbee tossings and such on this finest of Labored Days, please also enjoy this Fancy Sketch filler art situation! Actual illustrated comic’d jocularities to resume POST HASTE! If you are unfamiliar with the legend of Sparks McGee, […]]]>
Podcast Episode 86 “Oh No! Promotheus!” is live.
Fine citizens, as you enjoy your hotted dogs, hamburger sandwiches and frisbee tossings and such on this finest of Labored Days, please also enjoy this Fancy Sketch filler art situation! Actual illustrated comic’d jocularities to resume POST HASTE!
If you are unfamiliar with the legend of Sparks McGee, then you may attempt to enjoy this sketch (which was originally commissioned by Fancy Bastard Marijn R. during the Fancy Sketch Drive) by knowing only that it depicts Wesley Crusher in a cowboy hat and aviators riding the Mars Curiosity Rover. See? Fun abounds.
If you with to know more about young Ensign McGee, then I suggest you read Wil’s explanation of his origins, and Sparks’s continuing adventures. For the totally uninitiated who find themselves far too busy to click links and read words, Sparks McGee is Wesley Crusher’s cocky alter ego who always gets the girl, always saves the day and always puts the adults in their place. If Captain Picard gives him a sideways glance, he tells that bald bastard EXACTLY where he can stick his Ressikan Flute.
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Calgary is a weird town. Everything is pretty nice and clean and Canadian and there is a series of above ground tubes that you can navigate most of downtown with to avoid actually being on the street, but pretty much everything closes at sundown and NOTHING is open on Sunday. Visting cartoonists need to drink […]]]>
Calgary is a weird town. Everything is pretty nice and clean and Canadian and there is a series of above ground tubes that you can navigate most of downtown with to avoid actually being on the street, but pretty much everything closes at sundown and NOTHING is open on Sunday. Visting cartoonists need to drink on Sunday too, Calgary! I don’t think Canadian Jesus will mind. Incidentally, Canadian Jesus is the same as American Jesus (the one true Jesus) except he does some occasional ice fishing and pays too much for his mobile data plan.
The Holodeck is for porn! The Holodeck is for porn!
If you are a long time reader of HijiNKS ENSUE, you probably know what Star Trek: TNG means to me. It was more than a show. It was a friend and a guide when I was a confused, ignored and bullied little boy. I learned so much about respect (how to earn and give it), problem solving, avoiding violence at all costs, but still not letting anyone push me around, and what the future can (and should) be if we aren’t too childish, greedy and stupid to get ourselves there. I very large part of who I am, and how I view the world is based on the lessons I learned from TNG. So, with that in mind, I’m sure you can gauge how much it meant to me to be present at the 25th Anniversary reunion of the TNG cast at the Calgary Expo. It was nothing short of magical.
- Check out Wil’s touching video from the TNG 25th anniversary reunion here. Thanks to Angela, Alina, Sparks, Wil, The Blind Ferret Crew and the TNG crew!
As the cast members recollected and joked with each other, I quickly realized that they were not performing; not putting on a show, but instead they were just catching up. It was as if 8000 grinning geeks were not in the room with them as they told stories, and reminisced. We were scores and scores of flies on the wall to the greatest geek conversation we could have hoped to hear. That is not to say they ignored the audience or seemed in anyway ungrateful for our contribution to their legacy (quite the contrary, actually). It’s just that they almost seemed lost in their affection for each other. Patrick Stewart in particular spent most of the evening facing not the audience, but turned to face his friends. If asked a question directly, he always had to look for the mic and pick it up because he had long since put it down in order to pay closer attention to what Frakes, Wheaton or Sirtis were saying. It seemed like the whole thing was sponsored and film by Space in Canada, so I am hopeful that the discussion will be broadcast in some fashion soon. I cannot stress enough how perfect a cap that evening was to 25 years (20 for me) of Star Trek: TNG fandom. I must thank Sohmer and our Calgary Expo volunteers for getting me the ticket. It’s one of those things that I wasn’t going to let myself splurge on, but knowing now what I would have missed… let’s just say I would have regretted it.
Speaking of splurging, when I saw that an entire cast photo with the TNG crew was available for $500 and up to six people were allowed to split the cost, I immediately grabbed five friends and got ready to do some convincing. Turns out this is a proposition that, among Star Trek fans, requires little to no convincing. Thanks again to our fantastic volunteers, we were able to score some line-skipping passes which meant we only had to wait for about an hour instead of three to four. Now I normally am not one for photo-ops or impersonal signings at events where celebrities are present. I much prefer a casual encounter, a brief exchange or words, etc. But this was potentially the last time these people were going to be in the same room… forever! I was already mentally clearing family photos off the mantle to make room for this picture. The photo-op itself took all of 15 seconds. Honestly it wasn’t even enough time to make eye contact with the whole crew. We were in, somehow I ended up next to the Captain (in Troi’s spot), they snapped the pic and we were out. As we left I heard Wil say, “Everyone wave to my friend Joel!” That was, uhh… pretty fucking rad. And as you can see, the picture turned out amazing! Look at that grin on Patrick Stewart! I’m going to have it tattooed over my own face so I can see it every time I look in the mirror. Damn, that was a good day.
COMMENTERS: What events go on your “life flashing before my eyes” hit list? What awesome things have happened to you that made you say “I WAS THERE! I ACTUALLY DID THAT!“?
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NEWT FOR PRESIDENT!!! GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU BITCH!!! There’s got to be more to it than warp drive, right? What about Mr. Clean Magic Easers? How could you consider a species for eventual admission into the United Federation of Planets if they can’t even get tough, baked on spaghetti stains off their glass top […]]]>
NEWT FOR PRESIDENT!!! GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU BITCH!!!
There’s got to be more to it than warp drive, right? What about Mr. Clean Magic Easers? How could you consider a species for eventual admission into the United Federation of Planets if they can’t even get tough, baked on spaghetti stains off their glass top ranges? I say it breaks down like this: You want to roll with the galactic big boys? You need ten things. 1) Warp drive 2) Equality 3) Mostly functional government with short campaign periods, minimal television coverage, and strict caps on campaign donations to minimize big business influence 4) Press’N Seal Wrap 5) Magic Erasers 6) Dyson vacuums 7) Segways (Not that anyone actually uses them. We just need to see that you CAN make them.) 8) Multiroom DVR or GTFO 9) Peanut butter and jelly in the SAME jar (Same as with the Segway or a nuclear bomb. Just a proof of concept.) 10) … I don’t know. World peace or something.
COMMENTERS: What are the other necessities for initiating first contact with a new species? Should they have created, abandoned, re-created and re-abandon 3D movies? What are the hallmarks of true readiness to join the galactic society? Should they have developed a method for merging a Pizza Hut AND a Taco Bell?
You can now purchase a super high quality 11×17″ print of any HE comic by clicking the “Buy A Print” button between the “Previous” and “Next” buttons in the navigation menu. If you don’t see it, try refreshing your browser cache.
“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic] Thanks to Lar, who inspired this comic via a twitter exchange a couple of weeks ago. Lar has some AMAZING prints for sale, including all 11 Doctors as totes adorbs bunnies. There is a sort of reality distortion field for geeks that […]]]>
“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic]
Thanks to Lar, who inspired this comic via a twitter exchange a couple of weeks ago. Lar has some AMAZING prints for sale, including all 11 Doctors as totes adorbs bunnies.
There is a sort of reality distortion field for geeks that tends to envelop them and dampen their higher cognitive functions at events such as ren faires, comic-cons and… places where nerdy things are for sale. The example I always use is the one where you’re at a ren faire and you convince yourself that you REALLY NEEED an 11 foot tall driftwood wizard staff topped with a pewter dragon clutching a power crystal. I mean it’s only $200, and it’s basically one of a kind, and it would look SO BAD ASS propped up in the corner of your apartment between your alabaster Middle Earth chess set and your replica Xena shuriken/Gabrielle bowstaff. It seems like such a fantastic and fiscally responsible idea until you walk back to the parking lot and the reality distortion field fades.
I know some of you are able to get these items home and feel very good about your purchases, but for me they are just buyers remorse waiting to happen. I’ve never allowed myself to purchase something expensive that doesn’t actually do anything. I want to, believe me. I’ve just never had that kind of disposable income, or unclenched long enough to allow myself that kind of indulgence. I’ve had friends who own fantastic movie props, replica swords and lightsabers, hyper realistic costumes, etc but I’ve never been able to partake myself. I met a guy at Comicon San Diego last year that owns the largest private collection of BSG props (including most of the CIC) and I thought “GODS how awesome it must be to come home and be surrounded by that stuff… and FRAK ME that money could have payed so many bills!” I really think he’s the one that has the right idea. Him and the guy with the wizard staff and the lady with $3500 Serenity model with the blinking lights are the ones that know how to have fun.
COMMENTERS: Have you ever made such a purchase? Did you regret it or revel in it? What Bat’leth type item do you covet? I can’t go through those Harry Potter gift catalogs without having to convince myself that I don’t need Voldemort’s wand, a time turner and a golden snitch for my mantle.
A bunch of webcomic creators, including myself, donated items for the World Builders charity auction/lottery. They help families in 3rd world countries to be able to feed and clothe themselves through giving them goats, chickens, cows and such. Read more on Patrick Rothfus’s blog.
UPDATE 01/25/12: You can now purchase a super high quality 11×17″ print of any HE comic by clicking the “Buy A Print” button between the “Previous” and “Next” buttons in the navigation menu. If you don’t see it, try refreshing your browser cache.
CHICAGO and CALGARY Fancy Bastards: I am coming for you! I will be at C2E2 April 13-15 and Calgary Expo April 27-29 with Blind Ferret.
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“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic] NYCC Guest Week is in full effect! I am at New York Comic-Con with Blind Ferret at Booth #1821 this weekend (10-13 to 10-16). I will trade awkward stares for confusing winks and t-shirts, sketches, prints and books for stacks and stacks of monies. […]]]>
“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic]
NYCC Guest Week is in full effect!
I am at New York Comic-Con with Blind Ferret at Booth #1821 this weekend (10-13 to 10-16). I will trade awkward stares for confusing winks and t-shirts, sketches, prints and books for stacks and stacks of monies. I will be giving out free “Sci-Fives” all weekend [the hand gesture, not the t-shirt].
Sam Logan of Sam and Fuzzy understands my struggle. It isn’t enough to just juxtapose two elements of pop culture and wait for the delicious LOLs to roll in. You have to find a reason WHY the juxtaposition is funny. The equation must have a result other than “I know both’o thems things.” It’s not enough to say, “What if Batman was in Starfleet?” Because he would… wait… what IF Batman WAS in Starfleet?! I… I have have to go start a new comic.
Sam Logan has the unique distinction of being one of the 4 or 5 Canadians I know. He also makes essentially the best Harry Potter T-shirt the word has ever seen, and draws caves like nobody’s business. Not to mention he is one of my favorite convention buddies in all of comicdom. I take immense pleasure in improving his merchandise, and helping his create horrifying characters [scroll down to the blog post] and t-shirts that no one would ever want.
COMMENTERS: Following Sam’s example, come up with your own terrible pop-culture mashup. Puns are encouraged. Actually being funny for the right reasons is not.
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Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this Three Wheaton Moon shirt. You can buy it! Then you can wear it! Only two steps to total geeky happiness? Sign me up! I was super excited to hear that Star Trek: TNG was finally coming to Blu-Ray in HD. They are going back and scanning […]]]>
Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this Three Wheaton Moon shirt. You can buy it! Then you can wear it! Only two steps to total geeky happiness? Sign me up!
I was super excited to hear that Star Trek: TNG was finally coming to Blu-Ray in HD. They are going back and scanning the original film stock and re-editing each episode to match the original. The thing I am having trouble with is that they are supposedly replacing all of the special effects with CG. Does that mean they are going to trash the beautiful starship models in favor of a CG Enterprise? I know they did that with TOS a few years back, but that wasn’t MY Star Trek, so I didn’t really care. Now I’m wondering of replacing the amazing model work in TNG is a distrespectful Lucas-izing of the series. I know the HD scenes mixed with blurry model shots, poorly blue screened onto backgrounds wouldn’t make for a cohesive viewing experience, but it still seems a bit wrong to me. Oh, hey! That was me turning old. I am old now. Where are my turnips?
UPDATE: It looks like they are going back to the original model shots and recompositing them. So no CG Enterprise as far as I can tell. It actually looks pretty fantastic.
A THING: After a power surge last week, my file server (the one that holds all of my HE-related files) died (despite being plugged into a heavy duty surge supressor). The drives were OK but I have to buy a new enclosure ($150) to access them over my network. The same day I found out a miscalibration of our sprinkler system made our water bill for this month $200 more than we were expecting. So $350 I don’t really have just flew out the window. If you were considering donating to support HijiNKS ENSUE, doing so now would be SUPER APPRECIATED. Donors get access to all of the desktops, audio and other goodies in The Vault. Just make a donation of any amount, or sign up for a recurring donation subscription and you’ll get access.
Thanks!
~Joel
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Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our Wesley’s Big Adventure Shirt over at Sharksplode. There also aren’t any bathrooms. Last night Wil tweeted a bit about watching Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. It reminded me a line in his book, Memories of The Future, where he compared a particularly indignant and […]]]>
Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our Wesley’s Big Adventure Shirt over at Sharksplode.
There also aren’t any bathrooms.
Last night Wil tweeted a bit about watching Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. It reminded me a line in his book, Memories of The Future, where he compared a particularly indignant and slightly snotty Wesley line read to the way Pee Wee informed Dottie that they would NOT, in fact, be knocking platform bar-dancing boots in the back of the bike shop. I found myself sitting at my desk, trying to convince myself to draw a comic about shotgunning the whole first season of Game of Thrones in less than 36 hours (a thing which I really did), INSTEAD of drawing the weird thing you see above. It seems that I lost my internal battle of wills, logic was thrown to the wind and common sense did not prevail.
If you are now or were ever a fan of Star Trek: TNG, I can’t recommend Memories of The Future more highly. I have enjoyed reliving the first half of the first season of TNG through Wil’s eyes (both the ones he had as a naive child in an adult’s world, and those he has now, which look back at the series with fond reflection, a little regret, and a ton of snark) more than I would have thought possible.
STORE NEWS: The HijiNKS ENSUE Store is closed for a few weeks so I can make some big, exciting changes. [READ MORE HERE] In the meantime you can still get shirts from Sharksplode and HE Book 2 from this very site.
HEY A THING!: Someone familiar pops up in this Weregeek comic.
ANOTHER THING!: My friend Tom Brislin has started a Kickstarter to raise money to record his first solo album. Fans of the HE Podcast will know his music from… the HE Podcast. Tom is a fantastic song writer, a virtuoso piano player and one of my favorite creative people on the planet. Please back his project so that I may hear the wonderful musics that are currently stuck in his brain.
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If you are waiting on your copy of HE Book 2, PLEASE READ THIS!!! Groverfield T-Shirt and MORE in the HijiNKS ENSUE STORE! CHECK IT OUT: I put a desktop version of the “You’re The Last Of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic in The Vault. A shirt is in the works, so stay tuned. […]]]>
If you are waiting on your copy of HE Book 2, PLEASE READ THIS!!!
Groverfield T-Shirt and MORE in the HijiNKS ENSUE STORE!
CHECK IT OUT: I put a desktop version of the “You’re The Last Of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic in The Vault. A shirt is in the works, so stay tuned.
You can donate or become a subscriber to get access.
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EWOK STAAAAAARRREEEEEE!!! If you preordered HE Book 2, please read the updated shipping times on THIS PAGE. Here are some more nice pieces of paper which were ruined by me at C2E2 2011. I hope you enjoy them. COMMENTERS: It’s up to you this time. I’m still recovering from the trip and am not yet […]]]>
If you preordered HE Book 2, please read the updated shipping times on THIS PAGE.
Here are some more nice pieces of paper which were ruined by me at C2E2 2011. I hope you enjoy them.
COMMENTERS: It’s up to you this time. I’m still recovering from the trip and am not yet of sound enough mind to… with… stuff. Exactly. So feel free to talk about the convention, or other stuff, or ham. Ham is always good.
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EWOK STAAAAAARRREEEEEE!!! If you preordered HE Book 2, please read the updated shipping times on THIS PAGE. I had an amazing time in Chicago. Special thanks to my boothmates Randy, David and Danielle. By our powers combined, we were… able to afford the booth. And have fun. And sell things to people. Some of whom […]]]>
If you preordered HE Book 2, please read the updated shipping times on THIS PAGE.
I had an amazing time in Chicago. Special thanks to my boothmates Randy, David and Danielle. By our powers combined, we were… able to afford the booth. And have fun. And sell things to people. Some of whom were in costume. It was good times. Chicago welcomed us into its hefty, meaty bosom and bathed us in the deepest of dished pizzas and the greenest of beers (it was St. Patty’s Day weekend, which is apparently Chicago’s Christmas). Despite these kindnesses, it also offered us this cruel joke of an abominable bastardized hot dog. Where was the chili? The shredded cheese? Has the city no sense? It was like a wet salad was gunned down Robocop style near a hot dog that wasn’t finished being made. I will let it slide this time, Chicago, but I expect you to correct this error in hotdoggery before I return in 12 months time.
I was very pleased to get to spend so much time with my friends from Least I Could Do and Cyanide and Happiness during this trip. Along with Danielle, we all participated in the single greatest panel I have ever been a part of. It was a solid hour of laughs and good times. The audio will be posted as the nest HijiNKS ENSUE Podcast for those that are interested in receiving enjoyment through the ears.
I hope you enjoy these book sketches in place of a comic. There will be more of them tomorrow.
COMMENTERS: It’s up to you this time. I’m still recovering from the trip and am not yet of sound enough mind to… with… stuff. Exactly. So feel free to talk about the convention, or other stuff, or ham. Ham is always good.
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C2E2 IN CHICAGO IS THIS WEEKEND!!! I will be there with Randy [Something*Positive], Danielle [Girls With Slingshots] and David [Shortpacked & Dumbing Of Age]! Read more about it HERE. TEAM EDWARD [James Olmos] THERE IS A NEW HE PODCAST!!! EPISODE 81 – DICK ISLAND If you preordered HE Book 2, please read the updated shipping […]]]>
C2E2 IN CHICAGO IS THIS WEEKEND!!! I will be there with Randy [Something*Positive], Danielle [Girls With Slingshots] and David [Shortpacked & Dumbing Of Age]! Read more about it HERE.
THERE IS A NEW HE PODCAST!!! EPISODE 81 – DICK ISLAND
If you preordered HE Book 2, please read the updated shipping times on THIS PAGE.
Very special thanks to Tom Brazelton who makes a comic called Theater Hopper. I met Tom last year when we shared a hotel at C2E2. Right off the bat I realized we had a lot in common. We were both young fathers straddling the line between creativity and responsibility, we did comics based on pop-culture references that most likely alienate 90% of the populace, and neither of us seem to understand why everyone else is so wrong all the time. Tom is the kind of guy that will tell you a story about internet confrontation that ends with, “And after 3 days of me telling him what a fucking twat-face he was, HE STILL DIDN’T AGREE WITH ME!” Then he looks at you with a completely straight face and gives you the ol’ “Right? Amiright? Can you believe this guy?” eyes. You have to admire his commitment. Sometimes I wish he would make a second comic featuring the alternate universe versions of his characters where they only watch indie flicks and call it “Theatre Hipster.” That one’s a freebie, Tom. On the house. Now get to work.
You can purchase Tom’s books and other merch HERE or read his movie reviews HERE.
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The only geek greeting you’ll ever need! The Sci-Five! Get up on that Sci-Five shirt business! I must have said this 100 times over the course of the last weekend but Emerald City Comicon is THE BEST show of the year. In terms of what? Sales, fan interaction, after hours activities, location/host city, general shenanigans? Yes. […]]]>
The only geek greeting you’ll ever need! The Sci-Five!
Get up on that Sci-Five shirt business!
I must have said this 100 times over the course of the last weekend but Emerald City Comicon is THE BEST show of the year. In terms of what? Sales, fan interaction, after hours activities, location/host city, general shenanigans? Yes. The answer is yes. I have never had a weekend so packed with wonderful friends, amazing experiences, and so much excitement in my entire life. Here are some of the highlights in mostly chronological order:
Thursday:
- Southwest lost one of my bags, which delayed me just long enough to run into Wheaton on the way out the airport. We had sushi for lunch. Sushi With Wheaton is my Reel Big Fish cover band [thanks twitter].
- That night Wheaton and I met Stepto, Jason Finn [of PUSA], Marian Call and John Roderick for drinks and Wheaton bought me a beer. Even if you don’t drink a lot of beer, when Wil Wheaton buys you one you drink it.
- Jason Finn took Stepto, Wheaton and I to his AMAZETITS italian restaurant, Via Tribunali, for [no exageration] the best pizza I have ever had in my life.
- Stepto and I went to the Marian Call show at Fremont Abbey. She was dope. Dope and a half in fact.
- Southwest called to say they found my bag. It had been lost in Albuquerque. The lady told me the condition they found the bag in, and I asked her to repeat herself. “Yes… shredded.” Good. I just wanted to make sure I hadn’t suddenly gone deaf with rage.
Friday:
- Day 1 of the show. Angela and I set up an epic booth-situation. She has the same “merchandising” gene that I do, which makes us great booth mates. If you got a pic of our booth, please email it to me.
- Angela and I had a lovely sit-down family-times Tai food dinner with Bill Barnes at his home. We chatted, played ukuleles and had a wonderful time. Bill’s dog loves me the most.
- Me, Angela and a dozen other cartoonists did some bar hopping. Someone who shall remain nameless used the pick-up line, “So what is your favorite kind of time travel?” and it worked. This is how you know you are surrounded by nerds. I was beyond impressed.
And that isn’t even the end! Read the 2nd half of my ECCC recap in the next Fancy Sketch comic post.
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AND MY AXE! MEEEEDLY MEEEEEDLY SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!!! ALL NEW REDESIGNED “AND MY AXE” SHIRTS ARE IN THE STORE! Last chance for Ladies Heather Grey “And My Axe” shirts! My home internet was down from Wednesday night until late Thursday afternoon. Thus, without my normal information conduit, I nearly missed the space shuttle launch. Luckily I checked […]]]>
AND MY AXE!
MEEEEDLY MEEEEEDLY SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
ALL NEW REDESIGNED “AND MY AXE” SHIRTS ARE IN THE STORE!
Last chance for Ladies Heather Grey “And My Axe” shirts!
My home internet was down from Wednesday night until late Thursday afternoon. Thus, without my normal information conduit, I nearly missed the space shuttle launch. Luckily I checked Twitter via my phone and was able to catch the broadcast on HDNet with 5 minutes to spare. I realized that this would be one of my daughter’s only chances to see a space shuttle launch, so I made sure she sat in for the broadcast. She’s turning four in a couple of weeks, so I was pretty pleased with the 3 minutes of attention she was able to devote to the event. There were plenty of OOH’s and AHH’s and “ARE THEY REALLY GOING INTO SPACE?” and such during the ignition sequence, but just as the booster rockets dropped she asked to go play frisbee outside. She asked of we [mean she, my wife and I] were also going to space today. I wondered for a minute if she might be able to tell her children or grandchildren yes to that same question. Or maybe such questions will be rendered irrelevant due to the unfavorable outcome of the Robot Wars. [Unfavorable for filthy humans that is. Long live the robots!]
I’ll be uploading HE Podcast #80 later tonight [Friday night] [UPDATE: HERES’S THE LINK] and we talked quite a bit about the shuttle launch and various other space related events of import throughout our lives. I’ll update this post with a link once it’s available. Make sure to listen if you want to find out what movie made me decide NOT to be an astronaut when I was around 10 years old.
- This Is the Last Launch of the Space Shuttle Discovery
- With a successful launch, Discovery‘s final mission begins
- Watch the amazing trailer for Robonaut 2: The next step in space robotics
COMMENTERS: Let’s make it a space exploration free for all. What should we be doing next? Better space planes? Commercial space flights? Moonbase? Mars mission? Or should we just watch Moon, Moonraker, Mission to Mars, Red Planet and Apollo 13?
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Sharktopus Vs. DinoVampire Vs. CyberYeti! The Science Fiction TV-Movie Title Generator Shirt!!! Here’s some reference material in case this comic is causing you to have a confusion stroke. If it isn’t then we can probably be best friends. As I delve deeper into the world of the Doctor (currently all caught up on 11, about […]]]>
Sharktopus Vs. DinoVampire Vs. CyberYeti!
The Science Fiction TV-Movie Title Generator Shirt!!!
Here’s some reference material in case this comic is causing you to have a confusion stroke. If it isn’t then we can probably be best friends.
As I delve deeper into the world of the Doctor (currently all caught up on 11, about half of 10 and just started on 9), I see more and more parallels from the rest of science fiction as a whole. It really is a sort of “everything to everyone” sci-fi series that borrows as much from Star Trek as it does from Ray Bradbury. That isn’t to say Doctor Who isn’t original. Far from it. It’s just that with a premise that has literally NO boundaries as far as what kind of stories it can tell and in what setting or with what characters, it is helpful that it tends to stay grounded in familiar sci-fi tropes. I think that helps you not to feel lost despite the fact that each episode introduces you to a new setting and a wholly unknown set of circumstances. If Doctor Who were Star Trek, Science Fiction as a whole would be the Enterprise. The genre is the comfortable surrounding that creates the “walls” of the show.
Thanks to my buddy Wil for helping me flesh out the idea for this comic. I actually came up with it while talking to him about Doctor Who a few weeks back [that sentence was nearly too geeky to type]. You should totally check out his recent appearance on The Nerdist Podcast. He is just a genuinely great guy and the more I learn about him, the more I respect him.
Regarding the Daleks: When I’m designing evil major appliances with the intent of taking over the universe, I might want to pull out the old space tape measure and jot down the dimensions of a few average sized doorways. Seems like a narrow foyer is enough to stop these demented dish washers in their tracks.
Regarding Captain Pike: Look, I know it was the 60’s, but if you can imagine interstellar travel and super computers, why can’t you imagine a world where a paraplegic can do a little more than go forward, back up, and answer “yes” or “no” questions? This “future-tech” doesn’t work as well as taping a laser pointer to his head and pointing him at a Ouija board. I rewatched “The Menagerie” in preparation for this comic. I was surprised how good the story actually was. The 60’s camp and occasional extreme over acting was still there, but at it’s root there is a very cool sci-fi idea. I do, however, think it would have been a better idea if captain Pike was told to beep once for “truth” and twice for “dare.” Also, does anyone else get the impression that if you open the hood on pike’s chair it’s basically just a Port-O-John inside? I bet they just park him over a drain and turn on the hose.
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HEY LOOK AT THIS: This is your LAST WEEK to order an Ultimate Fancy Edition of Book 2 AND get your name in the book. Files go to the printer on January 15th. After that you will still be able to order a UFE but you will NOT be listed in the book on the […]]]>
HEY LOOK AT THIS: This is your LAST WEEK to order an Ultimate Fancy Edition of Book 2 AND get your name in the book. Files go to the printer on January 15th. After that you will still be able to order a UFE but you will NOT be listed in the book on the Fancy Bastard Wall Of Fancy Fame.
ORDER THAT FREAKIN’ BOOK, YO!
Don’t want a stupid book? Check out The HE Store!
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: HijiNKS ENSUE is 5 days a week now. Read more HERE.
SyFy has been airing Star Trek V: The Final Frontier and Star Trek: Nemesis back to back for several days now. That’s so ballsy, it’s almost like they want you to believe THEY think it’s a good idea. Bold. Very bold, Syfy. We get it. You have weapons and you’re willing to use them. This is the Cable TV equivalent of North Korea shooting a missile into the ocean. There isn’t a specific target, but they want to make sure we know they are armed and they are not to be fucked with.
Sometimes I wonder how self aware SyFy actually is. They produce fantastic shows like Eureka and Stargate SG:U (until they cancel them), but they also greenlight 40 or 50 poorly rendered CG monster-of-the-week movies like Crocodozer Vs. Dinocopter every day. Do they realize how most Trekkies feel about those two Star Trek movies in particular? Is that why they decided to combine them into a 4 hours rock block of pain and suffering? Or does whichever program directer made that call have absolutely no idea how amusing and unfortunate his choice was?
Nemesis and The Final Frontier suffer from a lot of same flaws. Namely, each had a director that cared nothing about the previous legacy of Star Trek. Nemesis was directed by Stuart Baird, who admittedly knew nothing of the franchise and cut over a third of the film which featured key character developments in favor of more pointless action scenes, and The Final Frontier had William Shatner. I don’t think Shatner purposefully wanted to sabotage Star Trek as a franchise, but he’s an awful director and I don’t think he could see past his own ego to realize he was taking on a task for which he was not qualified. Though he was only part of the reason Star Trek V was unwatchable. The script was ridiculous, the FX were garage-quality and plotwise, some stuff happens that doesn’t matter to people you don’t care about, and then it’s over. It was a deeply flawed film.
Commenters: What other movie combinations might SyFy air back to back for maximum sadness payload? Feel free to give your opinions about what exactly went wrong with Trek’s 5 and 10 and how they might have been fixed (honestly, there’s no saving Final Frontier. You can’t polish a space turd).
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I know this is super inside-baseball-pants for you non-Star Trek nerds, but I just got back from a two day stint at a Star Trek convention so please cut me some slack. Please feel free to cut a bit more slack (as long as slack is already being cut) for the Lo-FijiNKS comic. I was […]]]>
I know this is super inside-baseball-pants for you non-Star Trek nerds, but I just got back from a two day stint at a Star Trek convention so please cut me some slack. Please feel free to cut a bit more slack (as long as slack is already being cut) for the Lo-FijiNKS comic. I was pretty burnt after the con and didn’t feel up to coloring and shading and… drawing all that well.
Flip You Melon Farmer! The “Edited For Content” mug on up for sale NOW!
There was a TNG panel at this particular con, and the guests were Jonathan Frakes, Brent Spiner, and Michael Dorn. I decided to ditch my table for an hour and check out the fun times. Highlights included Frakes moving through the audience for the first 20 minutes or so asking all the standard, tired-ass questions they’ve all heard a thousand times. At one point he asked “When y’all were on the spaceship and y’all stood on the glowing floor things where also the ceiling was glowin’ and y’all got beamed to the planet… what did that feel like?” [at this point I should mention that Tia Carrere was also a guest at the con] Brent Spiner responded with some techno babble about his molecules being dispersed, yo which Michael Dorn replied “I would like to disperse my molecules all over Tia Carrere.” This would be quite an ordeal for Ms. Carrere because, as you know, Klingons have two dongs.
Great Scott! A reader commission I did at the con. Click to Embiggen.
I got a quick chance to meet Frakes and Spiner and give them each a copy of the “Riker, I hardly know her” comic. It was gratifying to share space with a couple of my childhood heroes if only for a minute or two. We talked briefly about Leverage and our mutual admiration for Jon Rogers and Amy Berg. Brent Spiner said, “When is she going to get me on Eureka? Wil Wheaton’s on that show every other week!” Throughout the panel and our encounter afterwards Brent Spiner was none too shy about showing his dissatisfaction with the “lack of Brent Spiner awareness and appreciation” among the general public. To that I say, “Buck up Brent. You are my favorite robot-man and you are pretty great.”
Oh, Shatner was there too. Whatever.
COMMENTERS: Share your “meeting your heroes” experiences. Did they live up to the hype or were you disappointed?
Here’s a commission I did for a reader at the con. Click to embiggen.
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Dallas Animefest is this Weekend! Come see me, Shortpacked and Two Lumps (plus a bunch of cat-girls and such) all Labor Day Weekend. We will be doing a Webcomic’s panel every day. It’s Fri Sept 3rd – Mon Sept 6th, 2010 at the Hyatt Regency Dallas at Reunion Tower. These words, among others, were added to the […]]]>
Dallas Animefest is this Weekend! Come see me, Shortpacked and Two Lumps (plus a bunch of cat-girls and such) all Labor Day Weekend. We will be doing a Webcomic’s panel every day.
It’s Fri Sept 3rd – Mon Sept 6th, 2010 at the Hyatt Regency Dallas at Reunion Tower.
These words, among others, were added to the Oxford English Dictionary, which has abandoned a print edition in favor of an online only format, this year: chillax, bromance, vuvuzela, tweetup, de-friend, frenemy, staycation, steampunk and freemium. That’s right, you are one of the privileged few who were alive to witness the English Language actually BECOME The Internet. Congratulations to us all.
How long will it be until dictionaries are divided by “standard,” “rhyming” and “sexting” editions? I don’t care if the print edition of the OED is dead. As Josh points out in panel one (quoting Sir Egon Spangler), “Print is dead.” It’s more the idea that any dumbass thing we start saying on the interweb (a word that was also added to the OED this year) just magically enters the canon of the English language. Lame, English speaking world. Super lame.
COMMENTERS: Please invent a word or word-mashup and give it’s definition and at least one example of proper usage. The dumbest word will be officially added into my vocabulary.
- Oxford Dictionary Goes Online. Do You Really Care?
- R.I.P the OED: As the world’s greatest dictionary goes out of print, why it spells disaster for everyone who loves words
- Chillax! Bromance! It Must Be New-Words-in-the-Dictionary Day!
REVEALED: Star Trek: Next Gen cast almost included Wesley Snipes THIS WEEKEND IS BALTIMORE COMIC CON!!! I will be in the Artist Alley at table A164 with Fancy Bastard Alex (Mechamenchi) at my side. Baltimore FB meetup will be Saturday night August 28th around 7:30 or 8pm. We will meet up outside the convention center and […]]]>
THIS WEEKEND IS BALTIMORE COMIC CON!!!
I will be in the Artist Alley at table A164 with Fancy Bastard Alex (Mechamenchi) at my side. Baltimore FB meetup will be Saturday night August 28th around 7:30 or 8pm. We will meet up outside the convention center and go to an eating establishment within walking distance. 4 or 5 of you have already said you’d be coming, but the more the fancier. Please comment below of you think you will be able to make it.
Follow me on TWITTER for updates on the Meetup as we get the plans finalized.
I was thinking about Star Trek: The Next Generation (because I was awake) and I posed this question to my followers on Twitter: “Did every series after TOS strive to fill the same roles as the original with character analogs (Spock-> Data-> Doctor+Tuvok), or did each of the series create characters that fit existing archetypes from modern story telling, tv, movies, etc?”
I got a lot of great responses and I have my own theories, but I’d like to open the question to the greater Fancy Bastards at large. So for your COMMENT CHALLENGE, please feel free to expand on the question above or offer more details about what TNG with Snipes would be like. I know for a fact he would refer to the Jefferies tubes as “Snipes’ Pipes.” Inversely he would call his bong a Jefferies Tube.
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Unfortunately Starfleet won’t offer Geordi an upgrade before Stardate 64638.1. He’s also under contract for that visor. They’ve been able to grow new eyeballs in a replicator for years now but he doesn’t want to pay the early termination fee. Comment Challenge: Take the “iPhone=Tricorder” (our tech=Starfleet Tech) and run with it. Do they get […]]]>
Unfortunately Starfleet won’t offer Geordi an upgrade before Stardate 64638.1. He’s also under contract for that visor. They’ve been able to grow new eyeballs in a replicator for years now but he doesn’t want to pay the early termination fee.
Comment Challenge: Take the “iPhone=Tricorder” (our tech=Starfleet Tech) and run with it. Do they get shitty Tricorder reception near the Romulan Neutral Zone? Are Geordi and Data on a family plan? Does Captain Picard have to get Wesley to sync all his contacts to his console and his mobile?
Did you know it was Captain Picard Day? This comic (and the next one from what I understand) are oddly appropriate. I suggest you celebrate by playing your Ressikin flute and drinking some tea. Earl Grey. Hot.
UNRELATED, BUT: Did I call this, or what?
Science Fiction TV-Movie Title Generator T-Shirt @Topatoco!!!
There is also a PRINT of this design too!
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Getting a little too pluggy for your tastes? Well, the plugs are paying for my table and hotel at Comicpalooza so how about roll with it just this once and, if you are in the area, come out and see what promises to be a very cool comic/pop culture show. Meeting Wil Wheaton at Emerald […]]]>
Getting a little too pluggy for your tastes? Well, the plugs are paying for my table and hotel at Comicpalooza so how about roll with it just this once and, if you are in the area, come out and see what promises to be a very cool comic/pop culture show.
Meeting Wil Wheaton at Emerald City Comicon was such a thrill that I thought the experience deserved it’s own comic. He’s such a kind and gracious dude. I highly suggest that you check out his various podcasts and books, especially the Memories of the Futurecast and the book what inspired it called [shockingly] Memories of the Future. If you ever wondered what it was like to actually grow up on the set of Star Trek: The Next Generation (especially during the highly questionable first season) this is a must-read.
It’s not a cheesy tell-all, but rather a sweet and hilarious look back and being a part of an amazing pop-culture phenomenon and not being old enough to fully appreciate it at the time. Wheaton looks back on Season 1 with equal parts nostalgia, humor and “WTF were we thinking”. No where else are you going to get this perspective on TNG and it’s truly fascinating. Do yourself a favor and pick it up.
2 Upcoming Appearances!!! Staple! THIS WEEKEND!!! March 6 @ The Monarch Event Center in Austin, TX MORE INFO Emerald City Comic-Con March 13-14 @ The Washington State Convention Center in Seattle, WA MORE INFO If there’s one thing that makes Ron D. Moore’s space-beard stand on end it’s the juxtaposition of science and religion. When […]]]>
2 Upcoming Appearances!!!
Staple! THIS WEEKEND!!!
March 6 @ The Monarch Event Center in Austin, TX
MORE INFO
Emerald City Comic-Con
March 13-14 @ The Washington State Convention Center in Seattle, WA
MORE INFO
If there’s one thing that makes Ron D. Moore’s space-beard stand on end it’s the juxtaposition of science and religion. When you boil it down to space-ics this is the central theme of every show he’s ever run. He often broaches the topic in such s way that really gets you thinking about the wider implications of the argument. “If a planet of space-jews tell me I’m the messiah and treat me like the messiah no matter what I do or say, AM I the messiah? Is that all it takes? Is that what happened to Jesus?”
Want desktops or a mobile wallpaper based on this comic? They're in The Vault. Make a small donation to get access.
But once the idea is presented from at least a dozen different angles it tends to wear thin. Why? Because in none of these shows does he ever actually come close to answering the question. Again, why? Because you can’t. It’s a universal unknown. And I think that’s his point. No matter how advanced we get as a species, spirituality and faith will always be open to personal interpretation and will typically go against the commonly accepted scientific theories of the day. That’s just human nature for better or worse. Robots, lasers, FTL’s and wormholes aren’t going to change us that drastically.
In each of the series mentioned in today’s comic Moore also gives plenty of evidence that both sides (science and religion) are probably believing the same exact truths, just with different perspectives. For instance, the wormhole aliens in DS9 ARE NOT GODS. They don’t claim to be. They are just super powerful, all knowing, non-linear aliens. The Bajorans view them as gods because… well they can do everything people expect a god can do. Then you ask the same question I asked about Captain Sisko/The Emissary in the first paragraph: if it walks like a god and bends reality to its will like a god, is it a god? I think Moore’s answer, again, is “it doesn’t matter.” DS9 never comes out and says the Bajorans are wrong in their beliefs or that they are the Alpa quadrant equivalent of an ant worshipping a human, but it also never affirms their deifying of their planet’s upstairs space-neighbors is really a great idea.
Ron Moore has always told SLOOOOOOOOW stories with a ton of gray area. Nothing is fixed, everything is open to interpretation. As I said earlier, this can wear thin. Those of you that shared my opinions on the conclusion of Battelstar Galactica (micro spoilers ahead) know what I’m talking about. In any situation where you’ve spent countless hours postulating and pontificating on the true causes behind a chain of emotional, intense and seemingly connected events “oh, what? oh, it was probably God that did it all” is not a satisfying resolution. It reeks of lazy story telling. But when you realize that is the ONLY way Ron Moore has ever told a story, you can begin to set your expectations appropriately.
Which brings us to Caprica. I pored my mostly negative feelings about the first few episodes of Caprica all over the LoFijiNKS Podcast and there they remain for your listening pleasure. Since then the show has taken a bit of an upward turn and really started to explore some of its untapped potential. The concept of V-World (the online, holographic, no consequences, virtual reality-scape all the kids are into) could be a show in itself. In fact, I won’t be surprised if Caprica begins to focus on the more “Matrixy” aspects of its reality as the season progresses. There’s a lot of meat on them scifi bones and it could make for excellent TV. The “I’m a dead girl stuck in a robot/am I really dead if my memories are in tact?/what are we if not the sum total of our experiences?/am I the robot messiah?” on the other hand is already more Moore than I bargained for. This space has been thoroughly explored to death by scifi since its inception as a genre and I doubt Caprica will uncover anything new in that arena.
I can say that I have changed my early opinion on Caprica from “PASS” to “PROCEDE WITH CAUTION.” You really have to understand Ron D. Moore’s M.O as a story teller in order to get into this series. He isn’t afraid to have ZERO sympathetic characters, incredibly slow pacing when the story calls for it and to borrow heavily from the themes of his previous work. He also just had an invincible virtual dead girl debug a few “agents” with her mind, and take out an entire online crime syndicate with virtual machine guns in a holographic version of Grand Theft Auto. So there’s that.
- James Marsters: Caprica Is About The Fall Of America
- Is Caprica Season 2 Already A Go?
- Caprica Is Quickly Becoming The Best SF Show On Television
UPDATE: BILLS! BILLS! BILLS!:
I am very happy to report that the Fancy Bastards have already donated over $1000 towards my medical expenses!
If you enjoy the comic and would like to help out, please consider making a small DONATION. Put “ER Bill” in the comments and I will make sure it goes straight to the Hospital/Collection Agency.
Thank you all so very much.
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I’ll be at Dallas Comic Con this weekend. Come say hi! I wrote this comic after viewing the Star Trek TNG episode “The Icarus Factor.” In it, Wesley Crusher throws Worf a surprise Klingon birthday party on the Holodeck, complete with a Painstick Pinnata. Also Riker worked out his daddy issues by beating the crap […]]]>
I’ll be at Dallas Comic Con this weekend. Come say hi!
I wrote this comic after viewing the Star Trek TNG episode “The Icarus Factor.” In it, Wesley Crusher throws Worf a surprise Klingon birthday party on the Holodeck, complete with a Painstick Pinnata. Also Riker worked out his daddy issues by beating the crap out of his old man American Gladiators style. What does this have to do with anything? Nothing. I just like making comics about Star Trek.
The actual comic inspiration came from the fact that Wesley clearly didn’t realize that everyone on the ship was punking him when they encouraged him to sneak around and try to plan Worf’s K’Plahmitzvah. Geordi and Data encouraged Wes to pry deeper into Worf’s personal bid-ness despite his obvious increased aggression and agitation. No doubt they were hoping that Worf would remove the young Ensign’s spine through his nipples. Genius he may have been, Wesley just didn’t fit in. He was clearly too young and naive to be gallivanting through the galaxy on life and death missions with cynical space-adults that clearly didn’t have his best interests in mind.
The best line of the episode went to Papa Riker who pleaded with his emotionally blockaded son to “Let your shields down, Wil.” Those are metaphorical shields he’s talking about. Heart shields. The idea of using 24th century metaphors in family arguments lead to these tweets:
- “Lower your shields son! Let my emotional away team beam down to your heart’s surface!”
- “You were always my commanding officer Dad, when you should have been my ship’s counselor!”
- “I’m hailing you on all frequencies, Dad, but your communication systems have been malfunctioning since Mom left!”
- “YOU CAN’T SOLVE EVERYTHING WITH AN INVERSE TACHYON PULSE, DAD!!!
So, what’s the best line of shitty space-soap opera dialog you can come up with?
Also, I made some banner art for Denise’s new food blog.
SHIPPING UPDATE!!! Any (non-Topatoco) shirts you order from the HE Store now will absolutely not arrive by Dec. 24th. I just want to be clear about that. The goal is to have every US shirt ordered by Dec 4th arrive by Dec. 24th. That’s what the shipping deadline says on the order page and everyone […]]]>
SHIPPING UPDATE!!!
Any (non-Topatoco) shirts you order from the HE Store now will absolutely not arrive by Dec. 24th. I just want to be clear about that.
The goal is to have every US shirt ordered by Dec 4th arrive by Dec. 24th. That’s what the shipping deadline says on the order page and everyone involved is doing their best to make that promise a reality. There is a possibility that some of the shirts ordered late on Dec 4th will not arrive by Dec. 24th. Any shirt orders (this applies to ALL HE SHIRTS THAT ARE NOT SHIPPED FROM TOPATOCO) placed after Dec 4th probably will not arrive by Dec. 24th. The Edward shirt orders were simply unexpected and overwhelming, hence the early cut off for holiday shipping. Thanks!
Now that Josh and I are essentially a new species, I’ll give you one guess as to who tries to initiate the mating ritual.
Star Trek Voyager fans will recognize this comic as an homage to what may be the stupidest episode they ever produced, “Threshold.” That’s the one where in between court marshalls, demotions and time in the brig, Tom Paris realizes he’s the greatest genius who ever lived and develops a method for traveling faster than Warp 10. Unfortunately the main side effects of existing simultaneously in all points in space and at every point in time past, present or future is kickstarting your own personal evolution into high gear, and a bad case of acid reflux. Naturally humans evolve into scabby, tongueless monsters and eventually into catfish-faced nematodes.
Non-Voyager fans can enjoy the fact that Real Life Josh did install an SSD into his Macbook Pro and now it instantly dual-boots into our dimension and 7 others, and the battery level indicator has stopped counting down all together and eventually started counting up. Right now instead of a percentage remaining it just keep flashing prime numbers. I think it’s attempting to communicate.
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[reddit-me]That look in your eyes says “WTFCOMIC?” but that look in YOUR EYES screams “SERIOUSLYWTFCOMIC?!” Your reaction is understandable. This Halloween comic is really just a love letter from me to other hardcore Star Trek: TNG fans. I actually came up with about 100 even more obscure, 1(ish)-episode characters to use for costume ideas but […]]]>
[reddit-me]That look in your eyes says “WTFCOMIC?” but that look in YOUR EYES screams “SERIOUSLYWTFCOMIC?!” Your reaction is understandable. This Halloween comic is really just a love letter from me to other hardcore Star Trek: TNG fans. I actually came up with about 100 even more obscure, 1(ish)-episode characters to use for costume ideas but in the end I settled on The Traveler, Lal and not one but TWO Captain Dathons. Dueling Darmok’s, if you will.
HALLOWEEN CONTEST UPDATE!!!
Almost no one entered the comic recreation contest so I have extended ALL DEADLINES for all 3 contests through the weekend. If you want to enter and win either Borderlands (PC) or Ghostbusters (360) you have until late Sunday night to enter. Winners will be announced Monday. For those that plan on entering the comic recreation contest, FEAST YOUR RIDICULOUS EYEBALLS ON THE CURRENT FRONT RUNNER AND DESPAIR!!!
EXPERIMENT UPDATE!!!
If you enjoy HijiNKS ENSUE at all, and you want to see it continue, or you support my EXPERIMENT to try and make a living from this comic PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take 60 seconds and fill out this marketing survey [LINK]. It’s 23 multiple choice questions and it shouldn’t take more than a minute. It would really mean a lot to me.
Thanks!
~Joel
Hey, look! Here’s a comic about buying a computer that used to belong to the guy that created Star Trek. I’m too tired to make funny words to go with it, but it will probably be a two-parter so check back Friday for the conclusion [unless I decide to do something else]. Gene Roddenberry’s Mac […]]]>
Hey, look! Here’s a comic about buying a computer that used to belong to the guy that created Star Trek. I’m too tired to make funny words to go with it, but it will probably be a two-parter so check back Friday for the conclusion [unless I decide to do something else].
I know the comics schedule has been crazy unpredictable lately, and for that I’m sorry. Believe me that I am the person MOST frustrated by the situation. Finishing the book and getting ready for my first real con has taken up nearly every ounce of my focus for the last month. Today was my wife’s birthday and I spent the whole day making a comic. The comic was late so that makes me a crappy husband AND a crappy cartoonist.
Speaking of cons, please check out my post about my upcoming appearances in Baltimore, MD and Austin, TX. I am getting super excited (read: extraordinarily worried) about graduating from “faceless internet person of slight interest” to a “hey look there’s an internet person sitting behind that table let’s go poke him” person. I’ve been frantically practicing drawing on REAL paper (something I haven’t done regularly in almost a decade) in anticipation of doing con sketches. Follow me on Twitter to see the sketches I’ve been doing lately.
I hope to be doing a handful of cons next year. These first few outings are really just practice. For instance, I dropped a cashwad on shirts for Baltimore not knowing if it’s even the sort of con where people buy shirts. Expect a fire sale after the con if they sell poorly at the show. I’ll also be debuting a 4 pack of HE buttons and, of course, the book.
BOOK NOTE FOR MARYLAND PEOPLES: If you ordered the book already, or if you order it between now and Oct. 1st and you are going to be at Baltimore Comic-Con AND you want to pick up your book there please email store (At) hijinksensue(dot)com.
SPECIAL THANKS: to the server samurai at Infinistorm for the ridiculously smooth transition to my new souped up server. I have never worked with more accessible, reliable and honest server geeks. They specialize in custom app development, web design and VPS hosting. If you live in Indianapolis they will meet with you and buy you a puppy.
Seriously, J.J.? I mean, that WAS the best movie I’ve seen since “The Dark Knight,” but c’mon dude. I was squinty eyed through the whole thing. I won’t even bother gushing about “Star Trek” here since I already did that for 30 minutes driving home from the movie with my wife and for another hour […]]]>
Seriously, J.J.? I mean, that WAS the best movie I’ve seen since “The Dark Knight,” but c’mon dude. I was squinty eyed through the whole thing.
I won’t even bother gushing about “Star Trek” here since I already did that for 30 minutes driving home from the movie with my wife and for another hour or so on HE Podcast #54. Download or listen to that episode [MILD SPOILER ALERT!!!] HERE [link as soon as it’s posted] if you want to get my, Josh and Eli’s takes on the movie, which was phantastic with a “PH.” Also with a jizzducing with a “J.J.”
The constant lens flaring didn’t even really bother me. Oddly enough it fit with the visual style of the film. It was certainly overused but somehow appropriate. Josh swears he saw the Tribble on Scotty’s desk. I missed it, but I will be looking for it (and listening since he also says you can hear its trademark “cooing”) during my inevitable 2nd viewing.
FB Lindor has introduced me to the concept of the “Vulcan High Five,” in which you:
Stand facing another person, both do the Vulcan salute, proceed to high-five whilst your fingers are still in the V.
I support this form of self expression and suggest you adopt it post haste. I also think it would make a good shirt.
I’d like to clarify that I am not “humping” the screen, as it were. I’m merely mashing my junk up against it in appreciation. As of this post I haven’t seen J.J. Abram’s “Star Trek” yet. It was actually occasional HE Podcast guest host and full time Mexican, Alex that got in to a sneak […]]]>
I’d like to clarify that I am not “humping” the screen, as it were. I’m merely mashing my junk up against it in appreciation. As of this post I haven’t seen J.J. Abram’s “Star Trek” yet. It was actually occasional HE Podcast guest host and full time Mexican, Alex that got in to a sneak peak (ALLLLLEEEEEX!), but you don’t have to be a half-Betazoid [have you ever stopped to think how ridiculous the word “Betazoid” is? It’s space-donkulous.] to know that this movie is going to rock out with it’s Spock out. Even Ensign Wil Wheaton said, “Star Trek has been reborn, and it is SPECTACULAR.”
I saw J.J. on Colbert a few nights ago. You should watch the clip just to meet Stephen’s Romulan doppelganger. Knowing that J.J. bought one of my Groverfield shirts, I can’t help but assume that he is wearing it under his regular clothes at all times. That practically makes us brothers. He did me a solid by buying my shirt. The least I can do is go see his movie, right?
UPDATE: Apparently this comic shares a title with a PA comic from a few years back. I have been listening to their podcasts, one of which featured said comic. I guess it was in the back of my mind. Oh well.
Have you seen it yet? What did you think? NO SPOILERS!!!
J.J. Abrams must have some sort of geographical boner for places that start with “AUS,” because he debuted “Star Trek” in AUStralia a month before it’s US release (complete with a Wonkaesque Golden Ticket contest) and held a sneak preview in AUStin, TX. The Austin this was actually really cool. The fans thought they were […]]]>
J.J. Abrams must have some sort of geographical boner for places that start with “AUS,” because he debuted “Star Trek” in AUStralia a month before it’s US release (complete with a Wonkaesque Golden Ticket contest) and held a sneak preview in AUStin, TX. The Austin this was actually really cool. The fans thought they were showing up for “Wrath of Kahn” and a 10 minute sneak preview of “Star Trek.” Instead “the film broke” and Leonard Nimoy came out, bitched about the technical snafu then they showed the new film in its entirety. Harry Knowles was there and you can read his account HERE. You might want to bring a book because his review is LONG. I love what he does for the geek community in general but that dude can’t write a review without retelling his entire life. He’s kind of like a fatter, red-headed Dewey Cox that way.
I suppose if I get desperate I can travel down I-35, find one of the lucky Austinites, then tie them up in a mini storage unit and mind meld with him to get a taste of the movie. That kind of shit happens in Austin all the time. Also weed. Weed happens in Austin all the time.
I had a really hard time writing this comic, so I thought I would throw in some extra art juice to even it out. I felt like I’d already done a vegemite joke, but I couldn’t find it in the archives. Maybe it was a comment from a while back. I was also pretty sure I’d done a “The Core” joke before but then I realized the joke was on me… because I had seen “The Core.”
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Future historians debate whether the T in James T. Kirk stood for Tiberius or Tap Dat Ass. I like to think that in a future utopia the latter would be true. The trailer has me setting phasers to enthusiastic. I hope this movie accomplishes only two things. 1) It revitalizes a failing franchise that has […]]]>
Future historians debate whether the T in James T. Kirk stood for Tiberius or Tap Dat Ass. I like to think that in a future utopia the latter would be true.
The trailer has me setting phasers to enthusiastic. I hope this movie accomplishes only two things. 1) It revitalizes a failing franchise that has been dissapointing long time fans for years and 2) Brings new Trekkies into the fold and ensures that generations to come will identify with the series and its characters.
- 25 min of Star Trek were screened. Here’s a review.
- Here’s a blow by blow of the trailer. You can see the crazy tentacle sex space beast.
- Another review of 4 scenes from a screening.
So what do you think? Please identify yourself as a Trekkie or non-Trekkie if you choose to weigh in.
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I’m almost always oblivious to the fact that everyone didn’t grow up as engrossed in Star Trek as I did. I have to stop myself from making obscure TNG, Voyager and DS:9 references dozens of times a day. “Oh man! You just got owned! Chaka, when the walls fell! Oh Snap!” See? That’s a great […]]]>
I’m almost always oblivious to the fact that everyone didn’t grow up as engrossed in Star Trek as I did. I have to stop myself from making obscure TNG, Voyager and DS:9 references dozens of times a day.
“Oh man! You just got owned! Chaka, when the walls fell! Oh Snap!”
See? That’s a great burn, but no one knows what I’m talking about.
“That fuckshit just cut me off! What’s he trying to do? Execute the Picard Maneuver?!”
No one gets me.
Anywho, that’s why I have such mixed feeling about CNN’s new “hologram” technology that they showcased during the election results coverage. It’s like they want us to believe they’ve traveled into the future, stolen advanced technology and brought it back to impress us. The visual trickery they are employing is closer to bullet time than holograms, anyway. They are basically using a mix of green screen, bullet time and camera syncing to achieve the illusion of a hologram. The person interviewing the photonic being can’t actually SEE them at all. Therefore this is balls and no one should pay attention to it.
I’m glad to see that I wasn’t the only one that noticed that Anderson Cooper doesn’t know his “Trek” from his “Wars”. When Chief “Lady Lumps” Correspondant, Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas, referred to the hologram effect as “being just like Star Wars,” Cooper followed up with “yes, it’s just like Star Trek. We’ve beamed you in.” To which Mr. I.Am responded, “No, I mean…(must correct SciFi Faux Pa. No, Will.I.Am, there will be another time, pick your battles wisely).”
Can I coin the term SciFaux?
Kevin Smith has not already seen J.J. Abram’s “Star Trek.” Except that he totally has. But he hasn’t. And whatever he hasn’t seen, he can’t talk about. What can’t he talk about? He’s not at liberty to say. Let’s just say pointy ears are involved…I’ve said too much. Well I’ve seen the movie too, and […]]]>
Kevin Smith has not already seen J.J. Abram’s “Star Trek.” Except that he totally has. But he hasn’t. And whatever he hasn’t seen, he can’t talk about. What can’t he talk about? He’s not at liberty to say. Let’s just say pointy ears are involved…I’ve said too much.
Well I’ve seen the movie too, and I’m not going to be as stingy with the information as Mr. Smith.
I can say, without a doubt, each of these things happens in the new Star Trek:
- Kirk is brash, brazen and undisciplined and for this he will be reprimanded
- Spock will be forced to make an illogical decision then somehow say it was the logical thing to do
- Chekov will… let me get back to him
- The Romulans will seem trustworthy then turn out to be assholes
- Sulu will throw a fabulous dinner party
- Kirk will get laid, get in a fight, then get in a sex-fight
- Uhura will take a message for Kirk will he’s doing the sex-fight
- Uhura will showcase the roundness of her various space parts
- Scotty will throw vinyl records at the Romulans and beat them with a cricket bat
- Bones will be a doctor, not a something else, damnit
- Chekov will… scan something
REMINDER!!! Castcast Live Tonight!!!
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3 seconds after the last panel, a lizard man comes running down the isle. Guess who he attacks first. George Takei is taking advantage of the recent lift of the ban on gay marriage in California to wed his long time first officer, Brad Altman. Let’s hope Brad chooses less life endangering attire. When I […]]]>
3 seconds after the last panel, a lizard man comes running down the isle. Guess who he attacks first.
George Takei is taking advantage of the recent lift of the ban on gay marriage in California to wed his long time first officer, Brad Altman. Let’s hope Brad chooses less life endangering attire.
When I was drawing Mr. Sulu, I realized that he looks like a cross between Yoko Ono and (current face) Micheal Jackson. Combine that with the fact that he’s a vibrant 71 years old and, Mr. Altman, you’ve got yourself a catch.
I wonder if they will toast their love with delicious Tranya. Only if Balok is catering, one would assume. It’s more likely that Clint Howard would be working as a busboy for the catering company.
While you wait patiently for your invite to the Takei-Altman nuptuals, you should really watch this (thanks Dram).
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Today’s comic inspired me to make a new shirt. Pick one up in the store if you like. If you frequent other SciFi blogs or forums, feel free to link them to this post or to the store.
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This is probably as close as I get to a political cartoon. Before you point out that you don’t play tridimensional chess with 3 people (though you should, I mean there are three dimensions), and that all the chess pieces are in the wrong places and don’t look like real chess pieces, let’s go ahead […]]]>
This is probably as close as I get to a political cartoon.
Before you point out that you don’t play tridimensional chess with 3 people (though you should, I mean there are three dimensions), and that all the chess pieces are in the wrong places and don’t look like real chess pieces, let’s go ahead and assume that Joel, Josh and Eli bought this 3D chess set off of Craigslist and they don’t actually know how to play (because no one does).
I know this comic really doesn’t make any sense (unless you are both ME and a SUPER STAR TREK NERD), but I was reading Wiki articles about Star Trek (specifically the ending of DS9, the Dominion War, and Worf”s family) and I got to thinking about how there really were some parallels between Worf and Obama (thin premise, I know). Then I figured it would be fun to draw Obama as a Klingon and thus I birthed the four confusing panels you see above. What can I say? This is EXACTLY how my brain works.
If you were to map out my thought process, it goes something like “need to write a comic -> I haven’t done anything about Obama (I support him) -> should I? This isn’t a political site -> I wonder if Alexander Rozhenko appeared in DS9 after he served with Worf on the Rotaran -> let’s check Wiki -> God I hated Alexander -> Oh I forgot that Sisko got Cassidy pregnant then be became black alien Jesus -> what if Obama was a Klingon?”
See? Actually, when I write it out like that it makes perfect sense.
(10:32am Central – I can’t seem to reply to comments. I’ve emailed ID. We’ll see.)
(1:04pm Central – Comments seem back-ish.)
Not to mention underwhelming.
“In space, no one can hear you weld!”
UPDATE:
Here’s the legitimate trailer.
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As you can see, I just can’t allow myself to leave well enough alone and enjoy a good situation. This article over at the Giz sparked the idea. It also made me remember there is a such thing as a Nerdcore Boobie Calendar. What’s your nerd fantasy? He-Man? She-ra? Skeletor? Discuss.]]>
As you can see, I just can’t allow myself to leave well enough alone and enjoy a good situation.
This article over at the Giz sparked the idea. It also made me remember there is a such thing as a Nerdcore Boobie Calendar.
What’s your nerd fantasy? He-Man? She-ra? Skeletor? Discuss.
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Josh: and today nintendo was rated the least eco-friendly electronic manufacturer
Josh: which seemed odd
Joel: like they pour toxic waste around each crate of complete Wii’s just because
Joel: they test each wiimote by clubing a seal and chopping down a tree
Joel: as long as the wrist strap stays attached, its golden
Joel: dude
Joel: i was watching this mars show
Joel: about how fucking impossible it will ever be for us to ever do anything significant in space
Josh: hahaha
Joel: because we are too dumb
Josh: lost cause eh?
Joel: its fucking pointless
Joel: youve heard the term “cosmic rays”
Josh: i’ve heard the term
Josh: bust mostly in the Fantastic Four sense
Joel: the first astronauts reported weird flashes of light in their eyes
Joel: upon examination of the hull, their helments and suits
Joel: it turns out the flashes were dying star matter passing THROUGH THEIR FUCKING EYES!
Josh: hahahahahahahaha
Josh: hahahahahhaha
Josh: fucking sweet
Josh: is that bad?
Joel: littereally tearing microscopic holes in the ships and their brains
Josh: so awesome
Joel: and thats everywhere with no atmosphere
Joel: ALL OF SPACE has that problem
Joel: so really, we should just stay here
Josh: fuck that noise
Josh: just call a yellow alert and raise the shields
Josh: we’ll be fine
Joel: battle stations
Joel: number one, worf, youre with me
Joel: Data you have the bridge
Joel: i wonder if a yellow alert is the same as an Amber alert
Joel: like kids go missing all the time on a galaxy class starship
Josh: hahahahahah
Josh: they always end up in the holodeck
Josh: i don’t know why people even worry
Joel: i always liked how when nothing was happening there were kids and families and babies everywhere
Joel: then when they were phasering a space monster
Joel: no kids
Joel: like they all go into hypersleep
Josh: hahahahah
Josh: phasering a space monster
Josh: sounds so fucking futile
Joel: honestly they would all be Newt
Joel: hiding in the jeffries tubes
Josh: probably hiding in the Jeffries tubes
Josh: lol
Joel: you owe me a romulan ale
Josh: isn’t that illegal?
Joel: worf comes out at night, mostly
Joel: mostly
Josh: hahaha
Josh: i can so see michael dorn eating babies
Joel: right, not worf
Joel: but michael dorn
Joel: the actor
Joel: he has a smaller michael dorn head in his mouth
Josh: hahaha
Josh: but only the small one has the forehead ridges
Joel: right
Josh: and that…. thing… he wore around him, the metal thing
Joel: The Ha’quj
Josh: the mini-Dorn has that too
Well, J.J. couldn’t make that dream come true so he did the next best thing and cast a Horse Master of Rohan.
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New Trek Reboot casting keeps flying out of the J.J. Abrams camp. Some dude is most likely going to be Kirk while the Incredible Hulk plays some random bad guy. And some chick is Uhura. And some Russian dude is all set to say “Nuclear Wessels.” Those less interesting bits aside, the rest of the […]]]>
New Trek Reboot casting keeps flying out of the J.J. Abrams camp. Some dude is most likely going to be Kirk while the Incredible Hulk plays some random bad guy. And some chick is Uhura. And some Russian dude is all set to say “Nuclear Wessels.” Those less interesting bits aside, the rest of the crew seems to be fleshing out into some sort of geek/stoner/loser dream team.
I see J.J. (we’re on a first two initial basis. He calls me J.F.) rifling through a pile of DVD’s, comic books, and video games just yelling out names and roles at random while his assistant frantically calls their agents.
“Here’s Futurama Season 2! Let’s get Planet Express Ship to be the Enterprise. See if Sigourney Weaver is available to do the voice. Oooh, call Shigeru Miyamoto and see if Super Nintendo can play Ambassador Sarek! He would be perfect. And I want the Macho Man Randy Savage in a triple tag team with Julius Ceaser and the Planet Mercury to be the red shirts. They all die on the first beam down. Are you getting all of this? This is gold! I lactate geeky hollywood gold. Shelley, are you writing this?”
Thanks to everyone that voted for todays comic topic. I’m sure I will do more of that in the near future. Pegg-Trek won out over Thundercats/Gears of War with 52% of the vote as of this writing.
In the coming week, look for new Apple Insider Comics from your truly, as well and new and exciting developments right here on H.E.
]]>“Bacn” is email you want, just not right now. The term was coined durinfg PodCamp Pittsburgh 2 on Sunday and is already clogging up our already bulging tubes.
“…according to Technorati, there are over 350 blog posts containing the word, and it’s the 14th most popular search term of the day.”
Why is this relevant to this site? A couple of weeks ago I made a comic with Wesley Crusher in it. I was pretty happy with how it turned out, so I emailed a copy of it to Wil Wheaton. What the hell, right? He might look at it and get a laugh.
He emailed me the next day and told me how much he liked the comic. The Bacn incident and Wil’s email both say something about the unparalleled options for accessibility and connectivity that the internet allows us. Ideas travel at the speed of thought and reach a wider audience in a shorter amount of time than ever before thought possible.
<off topic> It also says something about Wil Wheaton. He knows why he gets to do the things he gets to do (pro-blogging, cons, speaking engagements, writing books). He knows the fans are the ones that keeps his fire burning. I appreciate and respect that. Wil’s not a major Hollywood celebrity, but I would certainly rather have a cup of coffee with him than some douche like Matthew Mcconaughey.</off topic>
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J.J. Abrams has been quite geek-prolific these last few years. I can almost forgive him for Felicity. I remember when I told Josh “Cloverfield” might be a Cthulhu movie. He shit out his soul right then and there. He has a plush version of the “Great Old One” on his desk. Zachary Quinto being cast […]]]>
J.J. Abrams has been quite geek-prolific these last few years. I can almost forgive him for Felicity. I remember when I told Josh “Cloverfield” might be a Cthulhu movie. He shit out his soul right then and there. He has a plush version of the “Great Old One” on his desk.
Zachary Quinto being cast as Spock is an interesting and appropriate choice. Just look at the logic in those eyebrows!
In what may be his worst lapse in judgement (or anyone else’s for that matter), internets have it that J.J. wants to put Tom “Fear me for I am Galactic Space Lord Xenu!” Cruise in the new Trek as Captain Christopher Pike. People keep trying to find new and exhilarating ways to make me hate Star Trek. I hope they hobble that alien worshiping shit bag with a tire iron and stuff him in that beeping iron lung/washing machine from The Cage.
For what it’s worth, I think Wesley would turn out to be a Sith. He’s got daddy issues. If any Hollywood-types are interested, I am willing to sell the rights to “Geek-Splosion” and the geek-quel, “Geek-splosion II: Xena and the Highlander Race Light Cycles with Tron and the Goonies, and at least one of the Corey’s…..Seaquest, War Games, Last Starfighter.” Let me rifle through a box of old VHS in the garage and we can work out a deal for episodes 3 through 6 too.
“Bastian, say my name! Yeahhh. Say it, bitch. Momma like. Who’s your empress?”
I saw Spider-Man 3 on opening weekend. It has since made god-caliber moneys. Somewhere in the neighborhood of a gabillion-fillion if I’m not mistaken. The effects were more believable than the previous two. The CG Peter was less “burley brawl” this time around. That being said, the movie as a whole left me empty, or […]]]>
I saw Spider-Man 3 on opening weekend. It has since made god-caliber moneys. Somewhere in the neighborhood of a gabillion-fillion if I’m not mistaken. The effects were more believable than the previous two. The CG Peter was less “burley brawl” this time around. That being said, the movie as a whole left me empty, or possibly hungry. The performances were stalled and uninteresting, and the story served only to facilitate the gaps between aerial battles (fun to watch though they were). I took great pleasure in the fact that the shift from “Sweet Lovable Hero Peter” to “Gropey Horny Asshole Peter” was illustrated with a determined downward drag of the comb.
As I expected, they got Venom all wrong (casting and execution). If I had to pick a “That 70’s show” alumnus to play Eddie Brock, it would have been Kurtwood Smith. Also, I don’t remember Harry Osbourne’s Green Goblin being a character from SSX Tricky. They should have made him the dude from Excite Bike. He’d spend the whole movie creating a custom track, only to find that after hours of work it was impossible to ride due to the overuse of ramps.
Update 5/17/07
Apparently Rolling Stone and 25% of Fall Out Boy agree with my assessment.
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Then I decided to go to massage school because I wanted to heal people, and it turned out to be a pretty awesome decision.
neph sy · 94 weeks ago
Just wanted you to know that when I click on the Hijinks drawing, the LINK ISN’T WORKING to HijinksEnsue.
Google Chrome message is Oops Google Chrome could not find http. Did you mean Hijinksensue.com (this is a link that connect to your site).
Firefox message is: Firefox can’t find the server at http.